Jackie Chan Adventures: Long Live the King
by ngrey651
Summary: A boy from the real world arriving in Jackie's befriends the Demon Sorcerers, unknowing that this kindness will have great consequences...and greater rewards. An epic of adventure, drama and how the bonds of friendship redeem. Read and review please!
1. Prologue

_Everyone has a story to tell. Whether it has a happy ending or…not…is entirely up to them._

_I know that some may give up. Some may think that there's far too much stacked against them, that they'll never win in the game of life. But ultimately, it comes down to choice._

_Will you keep fighting for what you believe in? Fighting for what is right? Fighting for those you love? _

_Or will you throw up your hands and say "I give! Screw this!"?_

_Will you simply "Curse God and Die", as Job's wife suggested in the Bible? _

_Will you blame others for your fall? _

_The choice is simple. Carry on…or fall behind. _

_What you choose is up to you._

_But I want to tell you what I chose. Some choices were thrust upon me…And I know that when it came down to the finale, I made the right decision…_

_But what happened from the moment I was thrust into this new story to the moment I made the final choice that decided the fate of countless lives…that's a story that deserves telling. _

_And tell it…I will._

_It all started from two perspectives, and what perspectives they were!_

* * *

**JACKIE CHAN ADVENTURES**

LONG LIVE THE KING

* * *

PROLOGUE

It was December in San Francisco, and the Chan family was trying to relax. It had been quite a few summers since the chaos of fighting with Drago. The demons were sealed. The talismans were gone. No more threats. Jade was in high school now, in the first quarter of 9th grade, and all was normal and would stay that way.

Or perhaps not. You see…

Jade Chan was having bad dreams. Frightening ones.

As she slept unsoundly in her "Super Moose" pajamas and bed sheets, she tossed and turned. Her light brown eyes were shut tight as she groaned. Her dark, black hair, slightly messy right now from bed head, fell down in thick, beautiful locks. Her innocent, young face, normally filled with spirit and an air of cleverness, was now twisted into a degree of fear.

No, Jade Chan was not sleeping soundly.

_Jade walked alone in a city. It was San Francisco, only…_

_Everything was black and grey…frightening. _

_And worse still, she could feel someone watching her. _

_Jade ran down the streets, calling out "JACKIE! UNCLE! TOHRU!" over and over…but the echo that resulted, resounding from the farthest depths of the city, gave her a chilling answer…she was alone._

_Jade shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling small…and very coldl._

_So very __cold__…_

_Then she felt something warm. A blanket. Wrapping around her shoulders. Instinctively she grabbed it and wrapped it around her body some more._

"_There, there." A soft, whispering voice crooned. _

_She turned._

_She saw someone. The voice had been that of a man. He had a dark, hooded cloak, as black as midnight, maybe even darker…and a golden rope belt wrapped around his waist. _

_But it wasn't a man in front of her. She could tell. Something about him…_

_Then she knew for sure when his cloaked arm reached out, and he gently stroked her cheek. It was a three-fingered hand, a scaly hand, a clawed hand._

_A demon hand._

"_Little one…" it whispered. It stroked a lock of hair free from her face and she could see golden eyes gazing deep into hers._

"_I will come for you and your family very soon. I must do what I must do."_

"_What…what do you mean?" She asked, taking a step back. She fell down, but…OW…_

_It HURT._

_But you don't get hurt in dreams, Jade thought. Unless maybe…this isn't a…_

"_You are correct. This is not a dream. It is more of…a vision." The demon said, reading her thoughts. "Quick thinking, little one. You are indeed the cleverest of the Chans." She had the faintest sense he was smiling at her. Suddenly he was kneeling, lifting her chin up. Now she was inches away from his chest, looking up into his hood, into his golden eyes._

"_I have to secure my future, and this city of man has to be punished for breaking the deal that was set down in ages past. Your family has been chosen…and I will both enjoy and regret doing what I have to do…little one. Little jewel."_

"_Leave my family alone!" Jade suddenly shouted. The demon chuckled softly._

"_I cannot do that. Your family and I have business…as does the city you now inhabit. Do not weep though, little one…it will all be over soon. Though the dark ones will soon break free, I want you and your family to know that…"_

_He stroked her hair a little. "I would __never__ allow my chosen to come to harm…"_

Jade shivered. "Who…just who are you?" she finally asked.

_The demon shook his head slowly. "I cannot tell you that…yet. But when the time comes, I will tell you everything. I promise. Until next time, little one." _

_He leaned in towards her. She opened her mouth to scream as his hood began to cover her head. She felt something scaly on her cheek. Then a quick little kiss. _

_She awoke. _

"JACKIIIIIE!"

MEANWHILE…

Nick brushed his brown, slightly curly hair back. It was August 1st, 2003, and he was going on a little hike to the local reservoir which just happened to be down the road and up aways.

He had on his usual white sneakers and jeans, and was wearing a black t-shirt that read "This Is What Cool Looks Like" on it, with a blue vest. He liked the t-shirt a lot. Merely looking at the writing made him smile a little. And the vest felt…natural.

His necklace hung around his neck, the color-changing (though usually blue) circle in the middle feeling even more natural, as if it was meant to be on his chest.

It was a nice day for a hike. Early in the morning. He'd eaten a chocolate chip muffin that he had bought the day earlier from the local DB Mart down the street and down aways, along with some juice and a banana. He had to remember to let Jessica out. So now he had some time before his brother (who had been up till 11 forty-something) woke up, and his mom was asleep as well, or at least trying to squeeze in a few more precious minutes of peace before Jessie wanted to play with her.

Nick had his Grandpa's walking stick with him today, as well as a backpack. Though he wore "The Watch" on his wrist he had also brought his cell phone and his GBA, as well as his wallet which was in his back pocket, with 25 dollars in it, along with a gift card to EB, a student ID and his social security card. He was planning on getting an ATM card soon now that Mom had set up his own bank account.

He had returned back home to let Jessica out, since he'd already fed her. Now he stood on the porch, taking in the simple view of his neighborhood. He breathed the air in deep as Jessie did her business. He walked down the steps, putting his backpack and stick down, and walking over to the table and stools that were always out on the brick porch. They'd been there ever since his Mom and Dad had bought the house. He sat down on the stool, sighing happily.

**BGM: Tune of "Mountain Town", from the Soundtrack of the South Park Movie**

"There's a bunch of birds in the skyyyy,  
And my dog just went running byyyy,  
Ohhh, the clouds are pure white on my earth rich  
and brownnnnn, just…a…nother Sunday morning  
in my nice New En-gland…"

He stood up. "TOWN!" He lets Jessie back in and picks up his stuff and walked to the edge of his backyard, going into Farmer Tueller's field, still singing.

"The sun is shining and the grass is green,  
Under the 2 feet of the hay I mean,  
This is a day when its hard to wear a frooowwwwn!

And if people were here they'd say "hello"… even though the sun's still pretty low,

It's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet little nice New England town!"

He reaches the road and steps onto the side, walking down it. He sees a kid biking by and suddenly thinks of David.

"My brother Dave was once so nice and mild,  
now he's a cynical, jerky child…

But this is one day he's not gonna bring me doooowwwnnn!  
Of this my heart is sure…

I'm glad that I'M still pure!

Thank God I live in this peaceful, quiet nice New England town!"

Nick eventually reaches the DB mart. He smiles at Mrs. Kan, the co-owner of the store after going to the aisles and picking out what he wants.

"I'm gonna get two chocolate chip muffins, a mini bag of pop-tarts, along with some apple juice, Mrs. Kan." He says. She smiles and nods. "You go ahead, it's $7.26." Nick hands her a ten dollar bill. She hands him back his change.

"It looks like today's gonna be a beautiful day, Mrs. Kan!" He says happily. She smiles and nods. "Oh yes, Mushtaqa thinks so too. He's out back with the truck, bringing in new Gatorade."

Nick nods. "All right. I'll see you later, Mrs. Kan! Have a nice day!"

"You too, Nick!" She says cheerfully as he leaves the store. Nick walks out the door and heads back towards where he was coming from. He notices two things: pollen floating around and a speeding SUV is approaching his way.

"I can see pollen hanging in the air,  
I see redneck jerks-"

**BEEP-BEEP!  
**

"Ha-ha! _Queer_!"

Nick sticks his tongue out at them and walks on.

"But I just don't care!  
I'm in a sea of smiles, in which I would love to drowwwwwwn,

Cuz if the sky is blue and clear…

Then I have nothing to fear!  
It's a lovely perfect Sunday morning in my  
liberal, peaceful, quiet, friendly, nice New England tooooowwwwwwn!"

He walks up the road and gets on the left side, whistling a little. He sees a hawk and waves at it. Then he suddenly stops. A deer is to his right, eating. He watches it, and it watches him. He doesn't say anything, then smiles and gives a nod, then resumes walking. The deer blinks a few times then goes back to eating a patch of grass. Nick starts singing once again.

"Off on hikes is where I go,  
Where I learn deep things I gotta know,  
Because Life teaches me what adults don't know how to saaaaaayyy!!!

And I think right now my world's complete…

Because my life is really sweet…SUPER sweet!

So…I…Thank…God I live in a cliquey, random, romantic, liberal, peaceful, quiet, friendly, nice and not-white-trash, **kick-ass** U…S…AAAAAAAAAA!"

He twirls around, then stops, arms stretched out and sighing happily.

(Music ends.)

Nick then looked down at his special watch.

"Mahalo plenty!" He told it as he twirled the walking stick he'd brought with him.

It was his Grandpa's stick, and it was special to him. It had a bronze metal cap on its top, but otherwise was a plain ordinary handmade walking stick. The bronze bit had been screwed in at the top. Nick felt the top with his hands, thinking about Grandpa. He still really missed him, and got the willies every time he thought about him.

"I wonder if you're happy, Grandpa." He thought out loud. "I sure hope you are. And…I'm…" He sniffled a bit. "I'm sorry for…for…"

He couldn't say the rest. He simply walked down the path, not turning on the watch. Not now. Normally he'd listen to some nice Nobou Uematsu instrumental music that would fit like perhaps "Dark City Treno" or "Daguerrero, the Hermit's Library" or even "Descendant of Shinobi", but not this time.

Eventually he found it. The gate. It read "Do Not Enter", but the gate was open. That was because in the hottest days of the summer the reservoir was a, believe it or not, nudist colony.

Luckily nobody was there, but the gate remained open in the summer, although there was a big gap between a tree to the right and the gate, so anyone could sneak in anytime they wanted.

Nick walked through the gate and past the little red checkpoint house that nobody was using, and looked up at the tall, flower and tall grass-covered hill. He looked down and saw his favorite flower, a dandelion. He picked it up and twirled it in his fingers. He was feeling pretty silly today, so he stuck it on top of his right ear, wearing it like a fashion accessory.

Nick then walked up the hill bit by bit. "The view should be really nice since the sun hasn't completely risen yet." He thought. "And it'll be nice and quiet, so I can practice my Latin!" Nick had his Latin & English dictionary in his backpack, and he'd been practicing his Latin quite well. Mostly so he could know the basics AND be able to swear, but at least it was SOMETHING.

Still, the real reason he was going to the reservoir was the beautiful, radiant view that would be there today…

But when he got to the top he didn't see a beautiful, clear reservoir.

He saw a reservoir that contained…what looked like red water. Mixed with yellow trails, the red water had an orange tinge near its bottom. It was frightening. Chilling. Kind of like something from a horror movie.

Nick knew that he shouldn't, that he really, REALLY shouldn't approach the reservoir, but curiosity got the best of him. He walked up to the water and poked it with the walking stick…

He was sucked in a moment later. He didn't even have time to scream…

Then all was darkness.

OPENING CREDITS!

**BGM: Heaven Open Your Eyes, by Everlife**

_Trust in love…_

(Scene cuts to Nick, alone in a field. He's sitting down. He stands up, looking forward, at the sky. He holds up one hand and counts off. )

"One, two, three, NOW!"

(He runs through the field, wind blowing his hair back. He laughs, and suddenly the scene cuts to him, going to the reservoir. He pokes his stick into it and is sucked in.)

_You've got another question eating you up inside!  
And needing some direction…it's too hard to decide!  
I have a place for you that has the answer you need…  
It's waiting by the doorstep, are you ready to proceed?_

_You've been trying to find all your liiiiiiife…  
The One who's always been by your siiiiiiiide!_

(As the music plays, heroic shots of Jackie, Jade, Uncle, Tohru, El Toro, Viper, Paco and Captain Black are shown, with their names above each of them. Finally a shot of all of them together is shown, and they all smile at the camera.)

_Let heaven open your eeeeyeeees!  
Tell ya what you've been missin'  
Show you what you can't live without!  
Let heaven open the skiiiiiiiies!  
Pour upon ya the reason  
To live your life without any doubt!_

(Shot goes to Jade, who's sitting on top of the roof of the Antiques shop, wondering. The stars twinkle. Meanwhile, a certain Sky Demon is also looking at the sky, sighing.)

_Is there any other question, maybe a mystery?  
A personal objection, or curiosity?  
A message to your Maker, who's ready to replyyyy!_

_Are you lookin' for a savior? _

_He's not inside of that guy!_

(Now the scene cuts to Nick facing down every single one of the Demon Sorcerers in the realm they've been banished to. He gulps, then flies off, and they give chase.)

_You've been trying to find all your liiiiiiife…  
The One who's always been by your siiiiiiiide!_

(Shots of each one of the demon sorcerers are shown, all chasing after Nick through the air. Their names are shown above them.)

_Let heaven open your eeeeyeeees!  
Tell ya what you've been missin'  
Show you what you can't live without!  
Let heaven open the skiiiiiiiies!  
Pour upon ya the reason  
To live your life without any doubt! _

(Scene cuts to San Fran, to two people on two separate benches. Drago is having a cigarette. He sneers at the camera and tosses it away. A cloaked figure next to him makes his own golden eyes glow.)

_You will find a little piece of mind,  
Gonna make your life so much better!  
Let heaven…_

(A long and black-haired youth next to a blond-haired, blind boy looks at the camera from the other bench and both smile, and then begin tussling playfully.)

_Walk the way you wanna live today,  
You know the pain you wanna give away…  
Is holding you from hoping…  
Let heaven open your eeeeeeyyeeeeessss!_

(Nick suddenly bolts by them, and they run after him, along with the good guys and all of the demon sorcerers.)

_Oh yeaaaaah!_

(They stop at the edge of the city. The sky has split open, it's turned blood red, and the clouds are black. Uncle goes "Aiyaaah!")

_Let heaven open your eeeeyeeees!  
Tell ya what you've been missin'  
Show you what you can't live without!  
Let heaven open the skiiiiiiiies!  
Pour upon ya the reason  
To live your life without any doubt! _

(A shadowy, dark figure appears above, and armies of heaven and hell are poised in front of them, ready to clash upon a wide plain.)

_Let heaven open your eeeeyeeees!  
Tell ya what you've been missin'  
Show you what you can't live without!  
Let heaven open the skiiiiiiiies!  
Pour upon ya the reason  
Show you what life's all aboooouuuuut! _

(Nick points at the space in between both armies, yelling "CHARGE!". Everyone rushes at the space, just as the two armies rush towards each other.)

_Let heaven open your eeeeyeeees!_

(Fight scenes of all characters!)

_Show you what, show you what life's all about!_

_  
Let heaven open the skiiiiiiiies!  
_

_Show you what, show you what life's all about!_

(Scene cuts to a forest. A golden bell in the middle of a clearing lets out a single loud ring, and everything suddenly shatters, like all reality is a mirror…)

_Yeah, yeah!_

_Oh yeah, yeah!_

(Scene suddenly cuts to a hill overlooking San Fran. Everyone's gathered there, behind Nick, who sits up, and then salutes with his middle and pointer finger, grinning in a happy fashion. The title of the show/story appears above everyone, along with the words "SEASON ONE". Music ends.)


	2. A Bad Dream? Pt 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

A BAD DREAM? PT. 1

Jackie Chan wasn't sleeping soundly the night after Jade's nightmare. He too was having horrible dreams. Though they started out…peaceful, oddly enough.

_Where am I? Jackie thought. He was at the top of a mountain somewhere. Down below was a long, long wasteland. He saw he was at the top of a path that led down the mountain. He naturally took it, seeing something glimmer in the distance. Something that shone…_

_He made it down the mountain with almost ridiculous ease and speed. He found himself covering the wasteland in moments, the shining object getting closer but…he still couldn't' tell what it WAS, the light that shone off of it blinded him._

_It was only when he was less than a dozen feet away did he realize it. There was no sun. The sky was red. The thing…_

_There was no light shining **off** of it. _

_The thing…this…this golden bell…IT was the thing that was emitting light!_

_It was a beautiful golden bell. It's curves, perfect. It's design so simple, yet brilliant. The Liberty Bell without the cracks. The Bells of Notre Dame. The church bells at the Sinistine Chapel…_

_They paled in comparison to this bell. It radiated glory, light, beauty…and wonder._

_Jackie walked closer…_

"_Halt, brave one."_

_Jackie stopped. "Who is there?" He said, turning around to look at his surroundings. But nobody was there._

"_Do you see the thing I guard?"_

"_Who's speaking?"_

_Jackie didn't like the voice. It was chilling him to the bone to hear it._

"_You don't fear me, do you?"_

"_Who is there?" Jackie asked again, getting into a fighting stance._

"_You cannot win if you fight me. I shall come for you and your family, and do what I must do…both to you, and to the city you live in. There is no other way."_

"_I said who's there?!?" Jackie shouted. "Show yourself!" _

"_Very well, brave one. Ask and you shall receive." The voice said, and a hand grabbed his shoulder. _

_Jackie whipped his body around, lashing out with his foot. It struck…a three-digit, clawed hand. _

_  
"Swift and strong, you are the bravest of the Chans. But prepare, for though brave you are, are you brave enough to face the evil you thought you banished?"_

_Those golden eyes glared out at him from that hood._

"_Who are you?" Jackie demanded to know._

_The being raised another hand, shaking a finger in disappointment. "Now, now. Do you really think I can tell you that? Anyhow…you don't fear me. Good. Unfortunately I have to make you fear me, have to make you fear if you are to SURVIVE…"_

_Jackie felt himself being lifted up by some unknown force. The cloaked being stood there, arms folded._

"_Let me down!" Jackie shouted, flailing his arms uselessly._

"_No." The being whispered, and he raised a hand._

_Pain…_

_Pain EVERYWHERE…_

"WOAAAAA!!! BAD DREAM! BAD DREAAAAM!" 

Nick woke up with a headache, the walking stick underneath him, and his backpack's contents sprawled out next to him…and the sky was red, with faint yellow trails that stretched across it.

But that wasn't the scariest part.

What was scary was that he was in an abyss that stretched on and on, and that there were floating rocks all around him and he was ON one and if he fell off he'd be falling forever and ever and ever and ever and ever…

Nick resisted any urge to scream. But it was hard, so he bit down on a fist to keep from screaming. He then took several deep breaths and stood slowly up.

"Okay, calm down. You're obviously not in Kansas anymore, Nick. You're probably not even on Earth. Just keep calm, keep your head…maybe this is just a bad dream! No, probably not a bad dream."

He began putting his stuff back into the backpack save for the chocolate chip muffin that he had brought for a snack and an apple juice bottle.

He took a bite out of the muffin, then put it back in. Then he took a swig of the apple juice and put IT away. "Just calm down, Nick. Don't lose your head…this is probably another adventure of fantasy that I'm on, and I've probably seen this place somewhere before…"

He looked at his cell phone, picking it up. He pressed a few buttons until he reached the "voice memo" option. He pressed the green button for "Talk" and started talking. It was only good for 30 seconds and he could only make 3, so he'd have to make the most of them.

"Okay, according to my watch it's…7:20. I've been out for ten minutes. I've gotta keep my head, and not freak out. I've got some more snacks and a water bottle all full up, and I don't know how long I'll be here so I gotta keep calm. Just keep calm, just keep cal-" Da-doo! Recorded.

Nick put it away and looked around, picking up the stick. "Well, I'd better find some way off of this rock. I wonder if I've got any superpowers?"

He held out his other hand. "Bring the Heat." He whispered. A fireball shot up in his palm. He tossed it over the edge…

A few moments later it went whizzing down from the sky. Nick let out a cry of surprise. It went down…down…then it was above him, going down again! Wow.

"So it just goes in an infinite loop, never reaching the bottom? It's kind of like one of those RPG maps, when the hero reaches the left end of the map he ends up on the right side of the globe. Cool…I wonder…"

Nick hopped off and went into a free fall…

It was exhilarating actually, feeling the wind go past his face as he fell. He let out a whoop of happiness as he fell, then suddenly remembered something he'd read in a book, called "Fatal Forces". It had been a chapter on gravity, and to demonstrate how gravity was manipulated in everyday life, the authors had talked about how to do sky-diving. They had mentioned that the maximum mph you could reach was around 110…and it was called terminal velocity.

Terminal. If he DID hit something, he would be…

"Oh crappity-crap!" Nick shouted. He flailed his arms, ANYTHING to slow his descent. Unfortunately that creepy yellow swirly thing at the bottom of the abyss was coming up fast…

Nick closed his eyes. "**Mommy**." He squeaked in a frightened voice.

Suddenly he hit ground…and didn't die.

He realized he'd smacked into a drifting rock island that had been passing by. A pretty big one too. And then he remembered…

"Duuuuh! I have great endurance! I can take a licking and keep on kicking! Still, I'm NOT doing that again." He looked up. "I'd better head back up somehow. Suppose I'll have to…FLY!"

He jumped into the air and was amazed to find himself flying higher than he usually did, as if gravity had no place in this strange world. He LIKED it. He soared across the abyss, heading towards a large ring of rock islands that looked interesting.

Meanwhile, quite some distance away…

"I…I feel a presence."

"What kind, brother?"

"It is…it is magical Dai Gui, there is no doubt as to that. But…strange…odd."

"Tso Lan, what is it now? Can't I get some sleep in peace?"

"Be at ease, Sister Po Kong. Allow me to concentrate, hone in on this aura I feel."

"There can't POSSIBLY be anyone else in this infernal place…but I'll go check, just in case."

"Thank you, Hsi Wu. Your assistance is most appreciated."

The Sky Demon took off, flapping his large, leathery wings. His red eyes, pupil-less like all of his relatives, scanned the horizon that was not a horizon, looking throughout the abyss for signs of something out of the ordinary. He clenched and unclenched his clawed hands, slightly bored. Since he and his relatives were all stuck back in the Demon Realm, otherwise known as "The Void", there wasn't anything to do. They were all going to be stuck for eternity, and eternity…was…well…FOREVER!

It almost made him want to scream. He sure WANTED to sometimes. And with that stupid brat Drago around, nobody had been able to really get any peace. Shendu and Drago had been fighting nonstop. So much for father/son relationships, Hsi Wu thought. Good thing they'd…heh…"taken care of him".

He couldn't remember his own mother too well. None of them could. She had rarely ever been around. All of them mostly just remembered their horrible father. Everyone except for maybe Shendu had despised their dad. He'd been a manipulative, brutal, rotten, psychopathic, kinky and pathetic excuse for a demon sorcerer. Not only had he been a horrible father but most of his ideas for magic spells had been stolen from other sorcerers. And his own spells had usually been half-assed.

Luckily for the world and for his kids, he'd finally been assassinated.

Hsi Wu grinned at the memory of seeing his dumb father being shoved, then stabbed by an angry peasant that had simply had enough. It had been at a procession in town. "Daddy Dearest" had been ruling over it with an iron fist for years…but then finally this one young teenage boy had had enough. Their dad had asked the kid to come to the "Great Sorcerer's Carriage" right now and (after removing his shoes) to suck on his toes. The kid had walked over and PULLED their dad out of the carriage, shoving him. Their dad had had a look of surprise on his face, a very wonderful look. It suddenly became dark. He went for a knife…

The kid was quicker.

Seconds later their dad was dead. Everyone danced around the body, yelling out praises. And Hsi Wu and his brothers and sisters had done a merry jig.

He wondered if his father was in hell. He hoped so. He knew this place was bad, but it was _Heaven_ compared to the constant torture of Hell. Only Shendu had supposedly seen it, a "privilege" bestowed on him by their father.

He had…eventually…stopped having nightmares about it.

Hsi Wu suddenly wished he had someone else to talk to besides his family. Like maybe…

He'd kept her video camera. Not merely to make his own movies, but also to look at hers.

He wouldn't outwardly admit it, but he'd been…he couldn't believe it himself…thinking about Jade Chan. A lot. He was…well…kind of caring! About _her_! The human that had not only tricked him, but that had defeated him and sent him back to this place! And for some reason he found himself wondering, over and over, how she was!

"Admit it, Hsi Wu." The Sky Demon told himself. "When you were talking to her, weren't there times when you actually felt like you were liking her? Weren't you actually civil towards her? And maybe a bit more than that?"

He thought about this. "I have to admit it…I…I did like her company. And…it was sort of nice, being…well, being in the presence of one of a female human, especially since it had been so long since I last enjoyed one's company. But was that really all it was? Maybe I really did just like her because she was a female human and because I wanted someone else to talk to besides my family, but…but what if, just what if…what if there was something else?"

COULD there be more? Possible, true…not probable, but possible. But after…after what had happened with HER…he couldn't possibly be…

Shaking off these feelings, Hsi Wu now listened for something, anything that might give away something new. Nothing…nothing…

Wait…the faintest trace…

Of music?

"Cuz she'll be in my heart…yes she'll be in my heaart…from this day on…now and foreeever more…she'll be in my heart…no maatter what they saaay…she'll be here in my heaart…alwaaaaaays…"

Hsi Wu blinked. Music! Someone was singing. Where? It was far off, and whoever was singing was finishing up this song. Hsi Wu flapped like mad, racing towards the singing voice. Whoever it was, the voice belonged unmistakably to a male youth.

A human? How? Why?

It didn't matter. A human was here. First and foremost, this meant entertainment! Something to do BESIDES watch others fight!

"Just look ooover your shoulder… Just look ooover your shoulder… Just look ooover your shoulder…I'll be there, alwaaaays…"

Hsi Wu smiled. This should be interesting…

As it were, Nick was indeed singing. He'd found nothing at the ring of rocks, and was now singing to pass the time.

"I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loooser! I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out! I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baaybyyy! I'm so fly, that's probably why it feels just like I'm falling for the first time!"

His watch was playing "Falling for the First Time", but it was leaving the lyrics out, meaning Nick could sing, without Barenaked Ladies help, to his heart's content. Not that he didn't like Barenaked Ladies, who didn't? (Pun slightly intended)

"I'm so clean, it's really amaaaziiing! I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all the dirt off of meee! I'm so sane, it's driving me craaazyyy! It's so strange, I can't believe it feels just like I'm falling for the first time!"

Now came the chorus he loved so much!

"Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost! Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost! What if I lost my direction, what if I lost a sense of time? What if I nursed this infection, what if the worst is behind?"

He sang out, at the top of his voice, "It feels just like I'm falling for the first time! Yeah it…feels just like I'm falling for the first time!"

"I'm so chill, no wonder it's freeeeziiing! I'm so still, I just can't keep my fingers outta anything!…"

Hsi Wu regarded the human with great interest as he carefully, silently as possible, floated towards him from behind. The child was a teenage youth, with brown hair, and looked tall too. He was wearing a necklace and an interesting-looking thing on his wrist…what had it been called? He'd heard it from Jade once, in passing…a watch. Hmm…the child's aura…

Demons and creatures with great magic in them could see the aura of things, living or not. And if the thing they were seeing also had great magic in them, then the aura was far more amazing and dynamic. And this child…his aura…

"Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost! Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost! What if I lost my direction, what if I lost a sense of time? What if I nursed this infection, what if the worst is behind?"

The kid suddenly jumped up, and began to…well, play SOME kind of instrument in tune to the music, only he was holding only air. The song eventually ended, and Hsi Wu realized that the music had been playing from that watch. VERY interesting.

Nick sighed happily. "Man, I love that song. I probably shouldn't be singing out loud though, but who else is gonna be here? Who lives in a place like this _anyway_?"

"Oh, just us."

Nick suddenly shivered, getting a major case of the willies. He turned around and saw…

Claws…taloned feet…wings…red eyes, black, leathery body…gremlin-like face with three spike horns jutting up from its forehead…a dark purple loincloth…

He suddenly realized where he'd seen this place before.

Jackie Chan Adventures. A successful, popular TV show he'd lovingly watched from the very first moment it had debuted.

The 8 Demon Sorcerers, dangerous magical villains of the show had been banished to this very place.

And he was looking right at the Sky Demon who was COMING RIGHT DOWN AT HIM RUN YOU IDIOT OR DO SOMETHING!

Nick did the first thing that came to his mind.

He said "Aw, dang."

"That is quite the understatement, child."

Hsi Wu swooped down, and Nick stepped back, almost stepping off the rock he was on. Hsi Wu glared in his face, an amused smile on his face. "Your aura is quite dynamic, but you are a human, aren't you?" "Last time I checked." Nick said. It was sort of like he was there, and yet not there, there was something almost unreal about the whole thing. "I see you possess a sense of humor, too." "And you wouldn't happen to be Hsi Wu the Sky Demon, would you?" "Last time I checked." "Funny. So funny I forgot to laugh." Nick muttered.

Hsi Wu cackled. "You'll be coming with me, child. You should provide some entertainment for me and my kin…until we decide to simply kill you for our own reasons."

Nick was now getting his senses…and his "pisses people off" attitude… back. "Uh, how about this? I kick your butt and you get lost?"

He rushed forward, shoving Hsi Wu off, though the demon simply flapped his wings and rose back up. "Did you honestly expect a little shove like that to-"

"BRING THE HEAT!"

Nick held out his palm, and a fireball sprang up from it. Surprise lit up Hsi Wu's face. A moment later the fireball slammed into his chest, and he fell down, groaning. Nick grabbed his horns before he fell though, and pulled him up. He stretched out his pointer and middle finger and put it even with Hsi Wu's head. His right hand began to glow with a purple aura…

"Do you know what a bullet is?" Nick asked, feeling very angry. He HATED it when people tried to impose slavery on sentient, free beings.

"First you hear it…THEN YOU FEEL IT."

Hsi Wu suddenly realized that he could die here. The child had _magic powers_.

"Oh my." He said, and closed his eyes, preparing for his end.


	3. A Bad Dream? Pt 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

A BAD DREAM? PT. 2 

Uncle Chan had spiky hair, and never really brushed it. As he tossed and turned in bed you could see how he got hair like that. But this was no ordinary sleep. His brown eyes were shut tightly in fear, his pale figure kept tossing and turning, and his bones ached.

Yes, Uncle was not sleeping soundly.

_"What is wrong with my shop!?!"_

_Uncle found himself locked inside his shop, with all of the lights out. It was night outside, and only the moon let in any kind of light through the windows. Suddenly it clouded over and Uncle was alone…in the dark…_

_With something. Something that made Uncle shiver in fear._

"_Helloooo." A voice called out from the depths of the shop. Uncle looked around. The beautiful antiques in his shop seemed to be…bigger now…they were taking up so much space now…too much space…everything was getting bigger. The doorway, the doorway to the kitchen was getting smaller and he HAD to get through!  
_

_Uncle rushed for it, diving into the kitchen. The doorway vanished, and he heard thumping sounds as his antiques began to pound on the wall. Something was not right at all. Evil forces, dark forces were at work._

_Someone was messing with his head._

"_I'm glad to see you're up and about, chi wizard."_

_Uncle turned around to see a figured wrapped in a cloaked hood, with golden eyes and three-fingered, clawed hands that gently held a cup._

"_Tea?" It said, holding the cup up._

_  
"Uncle does not take tea from deeeemons!" _

"_Now, now. Such harsh words. Please, allow me to apologize for intruding on your sleep, but the sacrifice is needed. You see, the city you live in has sinned, and I must come here. To do what I must do. And you and your family have been…chosen. I both pity and admire you all."_

"_You are getting out right now, unless you want piece of Unclllle!"_

"_Do you honestly believe you can harm me, oh wise one? Tell me truthfully."_

"_No." Uncle admitted. "Am aware that in visions like this it is impossible for me to actually DESTROY you. And I am aware that if my spiritual self dies here, I will die for real…"_

"_Good. You ARE the wisest of the Chans. I will be seeing you again."_

_The figure sipped the tea, and then put it down on the table. He stood up, and bowed. "Thank you for the tea." He said. "What's about to happen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I don't enjoy seeing others suffer. But this is necessary. You have to know how to survive against this kind of pain if you are to survive what shall come…" _

_Suddenly the doorway appeared again. The antiques were snarling, gaining mouths, fangs, claws, leaping at Uncle, trying to…_

"AAAIIIYAAAAA!!!" 

Hsi Wu realized he was going to die. The child was magical, and could very well kill him.

"This bullet's gonna tear through your brain. You'll be dead in a moment. If you believe in some evil god, you might wanna start saying prayers to him, you sick freak. You deserve to die."

Funny, the Sky Demon thought. I faced down hundreds of warriors, bold, clever and powerful…and I get defeated not by a man, but first by a woman, then by a girl and now…I get killed by a mere boy…

Suddenly self-pity gripped him like it had never done before. He began to beg for his life, tears falling.

"Please, PLEASE don't kill me!" Hsi Wu begged. "I don't want to die! PLEASE!"

Nick's face was filled with anger. He knew perfectly well that Hsi Wu had caused a lot of pain as a demon with his kin, and that he'd broken Jade's trust…and a little bit of her heart.

"Tell me why I should let you go, Hsi Wu. Just one reason."

Hsi Wu gulped. The tears continued to flow. He couldn't think of any reason. The child had every right to kill him and rid the universe of a deadly and cruel monster.

"I don't…I don't have anything to say." He whispered. He hung his head, shamed.

"Because you know I'm right. You KNOW it." Nick growled, shoving his "gun" fingers deeper into Hsi Wu's head, brow furrowing down, down, looking furious. There was something empowering about holding a gun. Both frightening and empowering. Normally Nick would have been completely sick do this kind of stuff, but for some reason…

Then Nick suddenly blinked. His expression turned to one of absolutely horrified shock.

_What on Earth am I DOING?!? Jesus CHRIST!_

He couldn't MURDER someone! Even if it WAS a demon! This was evil, what he was trying to do was downright wrong!

"I…I can't. I can't do this. It's not the right thing to do. It's murder. I won't murder." Nick muttered to himself, voice breaking.

Nick let go of Hsi Wu's horns and stepped back, covering his eyes with his right hand, getting a headache and feeling sick to his stomach. "I can't believe I was just about to…to…Oh my God, oh God forgive me, God forgive me, I'm so sorry…"

Hsi Wu looked at the human, blinking slowly. Then a smile crept onto his face. "Ah, innocence. I remember when I possessed a fraction of it. You don't wanna hurt me because it's wroooooong. How sweet. How innocent. How naïve."

He suddenly grabbed Nick by his shirt and pulled the teen close, grinning in his face. "You shouldn't have let me go." He told Nick in a soft voice, who simply bit his lip. "I will not show such mercy, nor will my brothers and sisters. You should consider yourself lucky to die by the hands of a superior being."

"…"

Nick was silent, not saying a word. He simply looked down, trying not to think about how close he had come to evil.

Hsi Wu went on. "In fact, I shall simply kill you right now. No need to let my siblings now that you are here. I can have a human all to myself. We don't need to eat or drink in here…but I haven't tasted human blood in so very long…"

He held up his other hand, flexing his claws. "If you hold still, I'll just do your throat, and you'll be dead in only a minute or so. If you squirm, however, I'll start my meal by ripping off your arms and legs and drinking them dry before I get to work on the rest of you. Any…last words?" He asked, grinning in a sick fashion and showing his sharp teeth.

"If your family finds out you're doing this, I'd hate to be you. As the Romans might say, "Vae Tibi"."

Hsi Wu blinked. The child had a good point AND he knew how to say it in Latin. Nice.

"True, if they find out I didn't share a human, they would punish me heavily…but what ELSE is new? I am the youngest, next to Shendu. They don't quite trust me as much as they should and are always pushing me around!"

"How come?" Nick asked.

"…why should I tell you?" The Sky Demon asked, a bit annoyed at Nick's cheekiness.

"Why not?" Nick asked.

"…very well. You're coming with me, child. My family is going to decide your end."

With that, Hsi Wu's wings lifted him and Nick up into the air and the Sky Demon, still tightly holding onto Nick, took off for his family. Nick said nothing, simply thinking about how the heck he was gonna get outta this.

Then he remembered. The backpack. The walking stick.

"Uh…Mr. Wu?"

"_**What**_?"

"Can you go back? I left my stuff there."

Hsi Wu snickered. "You really care that much about your belongings? They will not do you much good here, child."

"Look Hsi Wu, I've got a name, and it's Nicholas Michael Grey. But call me Nick Grey for short. And that backpack has been mine since the beginning of my school year, and that walking stick is my GRANDPA'S."

Hsi Wu blinked. "Your grandfather's?"

"Yes. It was his."

Hsi Wu blinked his eyes. For some reason, he didn't have anything nasty to say to the kid at the moment. "Well, I suppose this can be your last request." He said, and turned around. Nick grinned inwardly. One small victory. Perhaps only a moral one, but a victory nonetheless.

Now how would he escape?

LATER…

Nick sighed as his captor, holding him by his shoulders, carried him through the air. The talons gripped tightly…though Nick COULD break out if he wanted to. Break out EASY. But Nick knew that if he did THAT, he'd probably have to fight Hsi Wu again, and this meant he might…try to kill the demon again.

Besides, he had a feeling that Hsi Wu might be worth talking to.

"What's it like?" Nick asked in an almost British tone, thinking back to an old Monty Python sketch. They'd been flying for six straight minutes.

"What is what like, human?" Hsi Wu asked, looking down with some annoyance.

"Being stuck in here." Nick asked politely. "Does it suck?"

"Suck?"

"You know, stink."

"The place does not smell badly."

"You don't know much slang, do you?"

The Sky Demon blinked a few times, confused. "Sla-wait, slang…no, not really. We don't get to see the windows often."

"Windows?" Nick asked. This sounded interesting. "What windows?"

"Viewholes. Looking-glass portals that allow us to see events in the human world. We only see them about once every 3 years or so, and they last about, oh a week."

"I see. Cool."

"THAT word I know. Unfortunately where they open up to is random. Sometimes we see big events, sometimes everyday life, sometimes nothing at all."

"Well, if something stinks, that means it's awful. If it sucks, that means it's worse than just stinking."

Hsi Wu nodded. "Okay, okay…" Suddenly he blinked a few times in confusion. "Wait, why am I even _talking_ to you? I'm thousands of years older than you, infinitely more wiser and stronger!"

"How old are you?"

"I happen to be 2232 years old, child."

Oh, cool. I'm 14. Hey, were you around when Jesus Christ was walking the Earth? You were, right?"

"Jesus Christ? Why yes, we were all- wait, WHY am I talking to you? You're just a boy!"

"You're talking to me because you're probably bored with being stuck in this crappy place."

"Crap I also know."

"Well, isn't this place bad?"

"YES." Hsi Wu snarled. "It's awful indeed, child. We don't need to eat or drink in here, and all we really do is bicker and argue, sit around and wait, sleep and tell the occasional story until a window appears."

"Do they just pop up?"

"Only in the northeastern region of this place."

"I thought it goes on forever."

"Allow me to rephrase, the most northeastern region we demons have reached. For some reason, we are kept from going beyond, an invisible barrier blocks us. Not that it is that big of a deal. The region where the windows appear is quite a long distance away from where we usually reside in this infernal place."

"I see, I think."

"In any case, it is indeed a most boring place, this accursed realm. However now YOU are here, so we should be able to have some fun."

"What? From killing me?"

"Perhaps." Hsi Wu said, snickering. "If you don't resist your fate, it'll be easier for all of us."

"No offense, but I'm not really interested in dying. I have a girlfriend whom I promised I'd see again."

"Oh really?' Hsi Wu asked, looking down with an eyebrow raised. "What is her name? What does she look like? Is she fair? Does she have eyes that sparkle like the glow of the sun upon the ocean? Or big, full-"

"Lips?" Nick interjected. "Well, I'm not sure I should tell you. You might try to hunt her down…aw, who am I kidding? You CAN'T! Ha!"

"What do you mean by THAT?" Hsi Wu asked, his voice getting a dangerous edge to it.

"One, she lives on Hawaii. Two, she's protected. Three, she lives on a totally different world than you…or ME. So HA. And furthermore, HA."

Hsi Wu blinked. "Did you say, "another world", human?"

"My name is Nick."

"Slaves have no names."

"Slavery was condemned by the civilized world, and abolished in the USA by the thirteenth amendment." Nick said, tone rising. He was beginning to feel very hot for some reason.

"Your laws do not apply here." Hsi Wu said, laughing. "We have the power to do anything."

"Any power you have was _given_ to you when you get right down to the bottom of things."

"Oh REALLY?"

"Yeah, the true power in a country resides in the people, not in big demon lords anyway. Look at Shendu. His people revolted and he got his butt kicked. Everyone knows that when you're a jerk and you try to be in charge for life you end up getting either killed or dethroned."

"That's _usually_ true."

"Finally somebody agrees with me…not that I'm a communist or anything. I just like seeing everyone having a bit of freedom, which is worth a million days of slavery in luxury."

Hsi Wu suddenly stopped in midair, not moving. He then landed on a nearby rock island and let go of Nick, who stood up and brushed dirt off. Then Hsi Wu spoke, but when he did he was not really…all there.

"You remind me of Shin. He always said stuff like that."

"Shin? Said what?"

"He used to say that a single day of freedom was worth a million days of being in a gilded cage."

Nick blinked. "Shin? Who's Shin?"

"Shin Dell was me and my family's best friend. Our very first true friend. He was the Demon of Shadow."

"Another brother?"

"No. He was chosen to be the demon of shadow by the drawing of lots."

"You needed a Demon of Shadow?"

"That's the way it worked!" The Sky Demon said simply.

"Why not one of light?"

"Well there were two other demons in our family. When father tried to make a son something went wrong and…well, he became the first demon sibling that ever died. The next one was father's last attempt…and although he lasted longer than the first he…well, he…"

"He what?"

Hsi Wu was silent.

"Did he die?"

"He had no idea he was going to be a demon at all. When father conjured him he looked like an ordinary human and he thought he was ordinary. But a few days later we decided it was time for him to show his demon form. When we told him what he really was he…he ran away. We found him later."

"What happened?"

"He had killed himself."

"Oh."

Hsi Wu looked down at the ground below him. "We should have told him sooner."

"What about Shin? You said he was chosen randomly?"

"Yes. Shin was the son of another demonic sorcerer, a friend of our mother's…he was…well, he was GOING to be our mother's husband. He was supposedly a very noble, very good and admirable man. But…well, she ended up with our father instead."

"Hmm, a nice Demon Sorcerer. Kind of an oxymoron, ain't it?"

"You'd be surprised. Tso Lan was once married, he was very kind and civil to his wife. He grew to be very fond of her. And Bai Tsa once had a human lover, a member of the Chinese Coast Guard. He once painted her a picture, I think it's still right where she left it."

"So this "Shin" was the son of your mom's ex-fiancé?"

"Basically. He was always different, unique…eccentric. But we all liked him. He made us smile. And he didn't like the way people treated us or the way our father, who ruled the local villages, treated his people. He said that one day the people of China would have their day, that one day everybody would be equal, demons, dragons and assorted magical creatures included."

"Sounds like a nice guy."

"He was his father's son. He also liked our mother. His own mother died giving birth to him, so…we think he thought of her as the closest thing to a mother he ever had. We didn't spend much time with our own mother, she hardly ever got to go into town or spend much time with us because Father kept her locked up in her room so much."

"I think Shin's dad and your mom would have been nice people to meet, even if Shin's dad was a demon and your mother married a demon. So what happened to them?"

Hsi Wu didn't answer. Nick had a feeling he knew why.

"It doesn't matter." Hsi Wu finally said. "Now tell me, what did you mean when you said you were from another world?"

"I don't think I should tell you, Hsi."

Hsi Wu looked out across the abyss, and saw something. He smiled nastily and turned to Nick. "Then you can explain what you mean…to THEM."

Nick saw that 7 pairs of red eyes had turned to look at him. All of them belonging to dangerous, human and hero-hating demons.

"Aw, frack me." He thought. "If my life was any worse, I'd be on "Jerry Springer"."


	4. A Bad Dream? Pt 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

A BAD DREAM? PT. 3

A big, black-haired Japanese man slumbered on top of the couch, his huge, sumo weight almost sinking it. He was big, muscular, and had a nice, traditional Japanese ponytail cut for his black hair…

And right now his normally peaceful face was curled into a horrible scowl of fear and anger.

Tohru had had bad dreams as a child, a result of his constant worrying about oni getting him while he was asleep.

But this dream was far more frightening, more chilling than any other dream he'd ever had his whole life…

_Tohru could see nothing. Hear nothing. Feel nothing._

_He was lost in a void of darkness, senses rendered useless, save for his ability to hear._

_And he heard something._

_Footsteps?_

_Yes, footsteps, approaching with firm resolve. They stopped a few moments later, not that far away from Tohru, who gulped._

_Now he could see golden eyes._

_"Ah…the one who turned, the strongest of the Chans. I thank you for your attention."_

_Tohru blinked. "I…I am not…"_

_"Ah, but you are. You are indeed one of them. You have been chosen, along with the other Chans. Your city has to pay, you see. It is…regretful, but also…satisfying, what I am planning on doing."_

_Tohru wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He couldn't move at all._

_"I'm not going to stay here longer. But I have to test your strength, to see if it can match the strength of those you and the others sent away…"_

_Suddenly Tohru could move, and he was angry. He rushed at the golden set of eyes, fist raised high._

_"RAAAAHHH!" He bellowed, throwing a punch._

_A three-fingered, clawed hand caught his. "Hmm…you ARE strong indeed. Not stronger than I, but with time you will be strong enough to match them…but enough talk. I have to train you in a rather unorthodox way…I have to make you fear so that you can survive what shall come."_

_The hand began to squeeze, crushing Tohru's hand. He was forced onto the ground, groaning in pain. Suddenly his hand was released. He looked up…_

_The hand reached for his face._

_"I want you to know that it is with regret that I do this now."_

_It reached closer._

_Tohru opened his mouth…_

"SENSEEEIIII!"

"Brothers and sisters!" Hsi Wu proclaimed, dropping Nick onto a rock. He then touched down right behind Nick and grabbed him by the backpack, hoisting him up. "Behold. The human known as Nicholas Michael Grey."

"I prefer Nick Grey, gratias tibi." Nick said, responding in Latin for "effect's sake".

Hsi Wu blinked. Tchang Zu suddenly spoke. He was a blue demon with Greco-Roman armor, an ogre-like face, strong muscles and clawed hands. His voice was booming, like thunder.

"You speak Latin? I thought the race that were the Romans dead."

"Latin didn't die. It just dozed off…and then had a revival. How come you're wearing that armor anyway? Aren't you Asian?"

"I shall have you know, **whelp**, that this armor happened to be made from the finest blacksmiths in the ancient world!"

"He also took part in some gladiatorial games, under a human disguise." Hsi Wu said. "I did too, although most of the time I liked to watch."

"In the Circus Maximus? You? A gladiator?"

Tchang Zu nodded, looking proud. "Yes. Surprised?"

"…minime."

Tchang Zu laughed. "Well you certainly are interesting, child."

"My name is Nick." Nick said again, voice patronizing.

"Shut it." Hsi Wu snapped. "Now explain what you were doing in OUR realm."

Nick rubbed his chin. "Hmm, I believe it was Uncle who said to you, uh…oh yeah! "Ancient proverb: mind your own beeswax!". Am I right?"

Hsi Wu and the other demons's eyes suddenly narrowed. Nick turned to his left and saw a very frightening-looking demon coming close. It was Bai Tsa, a demon with great water powers. She had blue skin and was almost a cross between a mermaid and a gorgon, with a frightening no-nosed face, sharp fangs, and webbed claws as well as a strong, scaled fish tail.

She also had blue scales, in case you were wondering. And uh…was very flat breasted.

Nick however, was transfixed by the tentacles on her head, which were constantly squirming around. "Crikey." He said.

_I just piss off people EVERYWHERE I go!_

"How do you know of that chi wizard?" Bai Tsa hissed. "How did you know what he said?" Hsi Wu asked, leaning in to whisper in Nick's ear.

"I'm not sure I should tell you that information. If I did tell you, it could…well…"

"What?" Bai Tsa asked. Her rock floated closer. Soon she was only a few feet from Nick, looking right at him. He gulped.

"I'm sorry, but I really shouldn't tell you. It wouldn't be a good idea, and I'm not sure it's the right thing to do."

"If you value your life…" Bai Tsa said, grabbing his throat and squeezing, "You will tell us."

Her hands were clammy and wet, and it felt like sharp seaweed was digging into him. Nick shivered.

"I'm n-not scared of you! I'm not afraid of the water!"

He turned to Hsi Wu, face defiant.

"And I'm not afraid of heights either!"

Five seconds and about 200 feet later…

"I _wasn't_ afraid of heights." Nick whimpered.

"Ready to talk?" Hsi Wu said, snickering as he held Nick out over the abyss below. Nick gulped. Taking that as a yes, Hsi Wu flew back down with Nick and deposited him on the rock island they'd been on before.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell…but if your head explodes because of what I say, I wanna go on the record…I warned you!"

Bai Tsa smiled nastily. "Now talk, child."

"Okay, my NAME is Nick Grey. You could at least call me by my name, Bai Tsa."

A Chinese Dragon with shining bronze scales snickered. He had sharp claws, large talons on his feet, and great muscles. His red eyes closely studied the child, and his serpentine tongue occasionally flicked in and out of his fanged mouth. He wore a loincloth on his waist, a plain purple/white thing. Nick thought he should be standing on four legs, but instead he stood on two strong ones, that resembled tyrannosaurus legs. Shendu now spoke for the first time to the human.

"Very well then. Okay…Nick Grey…how do you know who we are, and what that infernal chi wizard said?"

Nick sighed. "Okay, but I warned you. Do any of you know what a TV show is?"

Blank stares all around.

"Anyone know what a television is?"

Silence.

"Wow, I'm kinda surprised. I thought you'd know more." Nick stated.

Finally Shendu spoke up.

"Did you say…television?"

"Yeah." Nick said, nodding in a "uh-huh, uh-huh" fashion.

Shendu rubbed his chin. "Hmm…yes, I have indeed seen this "television" you speak of. Somehow you mortals are capable of producing images onto a screen of some kind…images that are the same for countless others around the globe?"

"Yes. These images are shows. You know what news is?" Nick asked.

Nods all around.

"Well, think of television as not only a way to spread news from across the globe, but a way to entertain. A person five thousand miles away could be watching the same cartoon I'm watching and at around the same time."

"Cartoon?" Hsi Wu asked, confused.

"Art used to tell a story. Think of a set of paintings, one after another, all telling a kind of story. That's kind of what a cartoon is, only the progression is a lot faster. Think of, like, a storybook with pictures where the pictures are shown moving. In Japan, comics are-"

"Oh, those are…manga, right?" Hsi asked.

"Yep. And cartoon shows are anime. I'd show you an example, but you're all stuck in here. Which is too bad, because TV is something you gotta see to really understand."

"What does this television have to do with us, child?" Tchang Zu asked.

"Just tell us. Dai Gui is bored." Dai Gui had spoken up. He had brown skin, large, clawed hands, and a lion-like face with bull horns. He was the strongest-looking male demon of the eight there, and had metallic, golden armor-like hair and a goatee to match. His voice was deep and throaty, and when he spoke it sounded like he was speaking like the Earth would if it was a man.

"Okay. Where I come from…you're all characters in a television show. In a cartoon called "Jackie Chan Adventures", which centers around Jackie Chan and his family battling evildoers like you guys. You basically don't exist where I come from, you're figments of fancy made up by writers."

Silence. Then…

"No!" 

"Say whaaa?"

"Ludicrous!" 

"Impossible!"

"It can't be!"

"How!?!"

"It's not possible!"

"You're lying, child! You _must_ be!"

Nick suddenly turned angrily towards Shendu, who had been the last one to speak.

"DON'T CALL ME A LIAR!!!" He shouted, clenching his fist so hard he almost drew blood. "I'M NOT A LIAR!!!"

The demons were silent. Then Bai Tsa spoke.

"What you say child…you say we do not exist where you come from? That we are not REAL?"

Nick regained his composure and took a deep breath. "No, not really. Someone in MY world made you up. I know it comes as a big shock, but I wasn't quite sure how to put it. I mean, you guys haven't even seen television, so I wasn't sure how else to explain how you guys weren't real. Look, I'm sorry if you're feeling kinda messed up…"

Tchang Zu was now plopped down on his butt, staring off into space, mouth wide open and drooling slightly.

"It happened again!" Xiao Fung said, snickering.

"Oh my. Look what you did, mortal!" Po Kong growled, her loud voice booming. She was a HUGE demon, the Mountain Demon to be precise. Her body was built like one too. She was enormous, huge, you name a synonym for "fat" and she fit the description. She also had big lips, weak arm muscles, and hardly any legs. Her arms were short as well, and her black hair had been tied into a traditional Japanese-style ponytail.

"I think you broke him, you stupid human! _Look_ at him! He has been reduced to a wreck! Tell me you were merely joking about…"

"Nope. Sorry. It's all true blue."

Her breasts were HUGE. The phrase "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" sprung up in Nick's mind, along with a HUGE urge to laugh madly, but he repressed it.

Hsi Wu let Nick go, and looked at his hands. "I'm…I'm not real? Just…made up? A character in a story?"

Nick turned and looked at Hsi Wu, feeling sorry for him. "It's not that bad. We're all make-believe to _someone_. Really, it's just a matter of "are you real to the people who care about you?". If you are, then that's enough."

Suddenly a rock floated over to Nick, a rock atop which stood a tall demon with long black hair, tied into a ponytail. The demon wore Korean nobility clothes of red and purple and had an elongated face, with two insect-like mandibles at the end of his head by the side of his mouth. A long tongue tasted the air, a tongue that was sticking at least a foot out of Tso Lan's mouth.

Oh, and did I mention that he had four arms? Two were small, folded across his chest, with small, two-fingered claws and his other arms were long, with clawed hands. Yep. The Moon Demon was creeeeeepy.

"So you say we are merely characters in a story, child?" Tso Lan said. His tone was soft, polite. He spoke with a sort of dignified air, and his voice gave Nick the chills. It was both a cold voice and yet warm…both sinister and yet gentle…

"Tell me then…does it…have a happy ending?"

"It ends pretty happily…but not for Shendu and Drago. They're stuck in here, arguing. Hey Shendu, where IS your son, anyhoo?"

Xiao Fung, the Wind Demon, spoke. He resembled a toad, to tell the truth. He had a goatee, a big mouth, stylish-looking wristbands, boots…did I mention a big mouth? AND his clawed hands were currently scratching his butt, which was quite big.

"Shendu's little son is never usually really…AROUND…when we are all together. He despises us with great intensity. To tell the truth, we do not much care for him either. So we found a spell to…remove him from this plane and send him away. He's an unbelievably annoying little brat."

"True that." Nick said.

A flicker of a smile passed over Shendu's face, then it vanished. "So what are YOU doing here, Nick Grey? You say we do not truly exist…then what are you doing in a realm that should not be?"

"Well, this isn't the first time I've been put into a so-called realm of "fantasy". I went into two other worlds as well. So I guess there's a lot of other "fantasy" worlds out there. I get the feeling I've come to this version of Earth because it needs saving, and I happen to be a hero."

"Great, another hero to drive me insane and ruin my plans." Shendu said. "Oh shut up." Xiao Fung said, suddenly getting a look of mischief on his face. He suddenly blew at Shendu, and Shendu's loincloth shot up for a few seconds.

**SFX**: Boing! 

That "Boing" you heard was Nick's eyes widening in an instant.

"Holy crap, your future wife had THAT?!?" He said, eyebrows arched, pointing at Shendu's privates. The dragon's manhood had been friggin' huge!

"Ho-ly-CRAP, that was HUGE!"

The girls started laughing. Shendu turned bright red. Hsi Wu snickered. "Mine's bigger." He said. "Mine is WAY bigger." Dai Gui said.

"Crikey! I mean…that was just…_CRIKEY_!"

"Poor Xiao and Tchang have the smallest." Po Kong said. "Tso Lan's is very thin but _very_ long…"

"_**CRIKEY**_!" Nick said again, still kinda freaked out.

Tso Lan, being the only one not affected by all of this silliness, hovered closer, a look of intrigue on his face. "A hero you say, child? Well then…you won't mind if I…see for myself?"

Nick looked up, suddenly realizing how frighteningly TALL the moon demon was. "Uh…what exactly do you mean by that?" He said, inching away a little.

"It's simple, really."

Suddenly Tso Lan hovered onto Nick's rock. Nick gulped. "Uh…stay away."

"Hold still, please." Tso Lan asked politely. His hand shot out, grabbing Nick by the top of his head. "Hey! Put me down!" Nick shouted. Tso Lan held him up to eye level. "Now then…let us see what is in your memory, child." He whispered. "Observe, my brothers and sisters." He called out. He closed his eyes. He held his other hand palm up, and it glowed a frightening yellow aura as he chanted.

Nick gulped again. He had to get loose! But for some reason he couldn't break free. The demon had cast some sort of holding spell on him! "Lemme GO!" Nick shouted. "I mean it! I'll…I'll…I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be good!" His legs flailed wildly in the air. "Put me down or I'll-I'll…"

Suddenly the yellow aura that was in Tso Lan's other hand shot into the air, and a large ring was created. Inside the ring an image began to form…

Nick gasped when he saw what it was. It was him, at the movie theater, with his family! It was when they were kidnapped!

The demons saw Nick's family taken. Saw him rush in after them, not caring what would happen. They saw him obtain the v-watch. Hsi Wu's eyes went to the watch Nick wore, blinking slowly and thinking hard.

They saw Nick transform into Dynamic Nick. Saw him fight, defending people, beating evildoers, saving others. They saw Joe, Sylvia, Blue…they saw all of JAGOW. They saw Nick hold the only piece of Flinty left, looking down upon it with sadness. They saw him reaching out to Cameo Leon and then Alastor, extending friendship. Saw him partying with Rachel, Cameo Leon and the were-animals.

They saw him fight against King Blue, saw him fight the Black Shogun.

Saw him seeing his resurrected foes. Saw him finally track down the villain behind it all. Saw him win.

Saw him return home with the watch…

Tso Lan's mouth moved slightly into a smile. "You _are_ special, child…" He said. "Very special…"

The images changed again. Now Nick was seeing his time with Lilo and Stitch. They saw him first appear in Lilo and Stitch's world, in the past, in that cafeteria...but as a younger child. Saw him meet 625 and save his life. Saw him plummet into the sea, surviving and meeting Lilo.

Hsi Wu looked at Nick. "Is that her?" He wondered. "Is that the one he calls his girlfriend? The one he holds dear?"

They saw Lilo and Stitch together, with Jumba, Pleakley and Nani. They saw Nick explain his story. They saw him mocking Gantu, saw him finding 421 who would later become Heartwing, saw Nick being accepted as Lilo and Stitch's _ohana_. They saw 561, 621 and 627 come into the story.

They saw adventure after adventure, and they saw Nick holding hands with Lilo, hugging her, finally kissing her. Saw Hamsterviel, the Grand Councilwoman…saw Leroy, who had been Kaiser in another, terrible time.

They saw Nick crying when he saw how many people Kaiser had killed. Saw him holding 561's body tightly, and apology just out from the dark dragon's lips before he passed on. Saw 627 sacrifice himself in an attempt to save 621, all because deep down, he just wanted someone to like him, all because he just wanted companionship.

They saw Nick furiously punching Kaiser. Saw 621's self-sacrifice. Saw Stitch weeping over his brother's body. Saw Hamsterviel finally end things. Saw Nick going back, resetting everything and fixing the future with the aid of the Reset dimension. Saw Nick make things right and good. Saw the final battle, won with the power of family and music, and the sad yet wonderful goodbye.

Then they saw him walking along the road, up to a path that took him through the woods. Saw him go through, sneaking by a gate, walking stick in hand. Saw him walking up a hill to a reservoir whose water had turned into something else, something strange. Saw Nick touch the water with the stick, saw him be sucked straight in…

The ring vanished. Tso Lan released Nick, who fell to the ground with a "whump".

"So you were telling the truth after all, child." Tso Lan said, amused. "How interesting. VERY interesting…now answer one question. This is the most important thing we have to ask of you, child. You had best be truthful."

Nick shrugged. "Okay, I will." He said.

_Why did you do that? Why agree? There's a fine line between politeness and downright stupidity!!!_

Tso Lan paused, surprised a bit by Nick's politeness, then he asked his question. The other demons all leaned in.

"Have you been heralded as…as a Chosen? As the One?"

Nick blinked.

_Hmm…_

A Chosen…the One…

Yes…he HAD been called that before. By the Omnipotent Voice.

It wouldn't be smart to tell them that, who knows what they might do? But Nick was a truthful person who tried hard to be honest. He nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been called a Chosen. A great voice from the heavens told me I was the One. Why?"

The demons gasped. Tso Lan put his hands together, and would have grinned if he could have.

"You ask why? Simple, child. Now we know that we can use you…to escape from this place."

Nick gulped. "Aw, dang."


	5. A Bad Dream? Pt 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

A BAD DREAM? PT. 4 

Jade stretched and yawned. Her eyes were bloodshot, and still filled with sleep. Her hair was a wreck, and she had been so afraid last night that she had nearly wet her very nice "Super Moose" pajamas. She walked down the stairs, her "Super Moose" plushy toy tucked under her arm.

She walked downstairs and gasped at what she saw…everyone else just as bad, possible even worse, than her!

Jackie was slumped on the kitchen table, half asleep. Tohru's eyes were completely bloodshot, and his arm was twitching uncontrollably. And Uncle's face had aged fifteen years in one night, his already wild hair a total mess, leg jiggling over and over.

Uncle turned his head.

"Jade? Did you not sleep well?"

"Tch. As if I could." Jade said. "I had a really creepy dream."

"Ohh…I had the worst dream ever…a demon beat me up in my sleep…" Jackie groaned.

"A demon attacked ME in my sleep." Tohru said, trying to lift a cup of tea up to his lips, only to spill it all over his large blue pajamas.

"Demon attack uncle and drink his tea in dream!" Uncle said, fuming. "How dare he! Stupid…wait…all of us had a dream involving demons…cannot be coincidence. Something is wrong. Very wrong."

Jackie rubbed his eyes. "Ugh…I am going back to bed…"

WHACK!

Uncle had whacked him over the head with two fingers. "Not yet! We must do some reeeseaaaarch! Must identify demon we all saw…if it was indeed same demon!"

Jade yawned. "Well, as long as I'm up, I wanna watch "South Park".

Jackie groaned. "Jade, you are not old OR mature enough to watch "South Park". It is so…so immature! And it does not expand your mind."

"But it's _funny_!" Jade protested.

Uncle nodded. "Jackie is right, Jade. You should go get some more sleep, instead of watching dumb cartoon shoooow! Jackie, Tohru and I will do some reeeeeesaaarch until then. We don't need your help."

Jade nodded grudgingly, and walked back upstairs, back to her bed. "Aw, man, I never get to watch that show. Well, I guess just a few more hours of sleep can't hurt…"

She was right. It didn't hurt her. It actually proved to be a boon, for she had another vision…

_Who's that kid? He's kinda cute…oh my gosh! He's with…with THEM! He's trapped in with those demon sorcerers! Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? KID! RUN! YOU GOTTA-what the? My voice? What happened to my voice? Nothin's comin' out! I' a friggin' ghost? _

_"…Now we know that we can use you…to escape from this place."_

_"Aw, dang."_

_"That's an understatement, child. Brothers and sisters, let us prepare for the ceremony!"_

_"Po Kong, where'd you put the candles and the prophecy?"_

_"I shoved them up my ass, what did you THINK I did with them? They're in here!"_

_"Oh wow. Cool, you're keeping stuff in your hair? Reminds me of Ferris Beuller's Day Off, with that lady pulling all those pencils out of her large hair."_

_"Ferris who?"_

_"I'll tell you some other time...maybe."_

_Cool, he's seen Ferris Beuller? Man, that movie was funny…I wish Uncle Jackie had let me see it. I can't believe I had to sneak it into the house. Thank God for Movie One's late nights!_

_"Papyrus…no, don't need that. Sudoku board…no. Chess pieces…no. Cat…CAT?"_

_"Eww, I can smell it all the way from here!"_

_"Dai Gui is not cat person."_

_"No WONDER you've been smelling so bad. I thought it was just the fact that we haven't bathed in ages…well, I've bathed more recently thanks to Shendu's attempt to alter the Book of Ages."_

_"Yummy, cat!"_

_Ew, she's not really gonna-_

_"Oh **GOD**!"_

_Oh she did, she did that's so grooooossss!_

_"Mmm. Gooood."_

_"…will you just find the necessary items, sister?"_

_"Found the candles!"_

_"Light them, Shendu."_

_FOOM!_

_"They are lit. Bai Tsa, the written spell circle needed…can you provide?"_

_"Indeed. Hold on…"_

_What is she doing? She's…EW, she spat out ink! Gross! Wait, she's writing something._

_"This, and that…musn't forget this little bit…oh, almost slipped there…done. The spell circle is complete. Hsi Wu, bring the child here."_

_It's Hsi Wu…why's he looking at that kid all funny?_

_"You should be afraid, child."_

_"I told you, my name is-"_

_"And I told you, slaves don't usually have names, Nick Grey! Just…just be silent. You should consider this an honor. You are going to help us escape."_

_WHAT? They're gonna escape, and that…that Nick Grey kid's gonna help them?_

_"I am NOT gonna help you guys. One, you're evil. Two, you're dangerous. Three, you're evil AND dangerous. Four, I don't think it's the right thing to do, and five, I don't think it's the SMART thing to do."_

_"Oh, it's very smart. If you want to survive this at all, you'll be silent and without complaint."_

_"…okay, okay. I know when I'm in a pickle I can't get out of easy."_

_Oh my god! I gotta warn Uncle and the others! Wait, how are they going to pull this off any-oh no, he's in that circle thing._

_"Can you at least tell me how you think I'm going to help you?"_

_"It's simple. You're in this circle and cannot leave. This will hold you until our combined efforts have cast the spell needed to free us. A prophecy was made, that's been passed down from generation to generation, from the dawn of creation and beyond."_

_"Huh?"_

_"A prophecy was made, and it can only be remembered and put into place when a Chosen comes, interestingly enough. And only those with knowledge of great magic know of the prophecy…and we count. Oh, do we count."_

_"What do you mean, it can only be remembered when a Chosen comes? If it was passed from the dawn of time and beyond, then…how the heck does it work?"_

_"People continue to forget it…the prophecy says that nobody will remember it and how important it is until a Chosen comes It then states that the Chosen's aura has the power, an unbelievable potential to right any wrong, to save any life…and to break free from any prison. Do you understand?"_

_"You're gonna use my abilities for good as a way to use them for evil? I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to be used for breaking evil beings out of inter-dimensional planes of suffering!"_

_"Ah, but the prophecy comes with a chant that allows us to use your body for just such a thing."_

_"And I don't suppose you'll tell me what the other chants are? The ones about saving lives and righting wrongs?"_

_"Interestingly, there's only a chant for being released from captivity. The other powers must come from within."_

_"Heck in a handbasket."_

_"Shall we begin the chant?"_

_"Yes, let us begin."_

_"Hsi Wu, please don't do this…"_

_"Why not? I will finally be free. I must be free, child. Why should I not desire this?"_

_"Why should ANY of us not desire our freedom?"_

_"Because your freedom means that a lot of innocent people are gonna suffer if you get out! You'll probably try to take over the world again, and force slavery on people, and kill and murder god knows who!"_

_"Probably, heh."_

_"Doesn't it bother you at ALL when you do those things? What's WRONG with you?! What on EARTH gives you the right to do what you try to do?!?"_

_"Our power, child. Now, Sister Po Kong,…read the chant."_

_Oh no! They're starting! Hold on, maybe I can…_

Something yanked Jade back to her bed. She woke up with a start.

"No! That poor kid's still in there…JACKIE! UNCLE! TOHRU!"

Nick suddenly gripped his stick tightly. "I'm bustin' out, whether you like it or-"

KAFWOOOSH!

Suddenly a large circular cell of stone shot up from around him. So THIS was the holding spell.

"You'll stay in there until we're finished." Bai Tsa said triumphantly.

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me! Son of a…gun!" Nick complained.

Po Kong looked over the chant.

"We…we cannot chant this. It…it is…"

"What?"

"It's…it's exactly like the spell that was used to seal us here! It is GOOD magic!"

"**What**?!?"

Nick looked up. There wasn't way to climb up and out.

"Darn it, its times like this I wish I had super-"

**SFX: Donkey Braying**

Nick looked down at his hands.

_Uh **DUH**! I love my watch. Love it! _

Yeah the prison walls around him were thick…but the walls WERE just stone…so, ipso facto…

"Heh. This should be interesting if it works!" He said out loud.

"What?" Bai Tsa said, surprised. They couldn't see what the kid was doing inside that tall stone cell, but it sounded like he had something planned.

"Mr. Gorbachev…" Nick said, arching a clenched fist back. "TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!"

He slammed said fist into the wall. The stone shattered like glass, coming down with a mighty rumble. Nick calmly watched as the stones fell down, down…

"Hmm, they should pass by in a few minutes." Nick thought out loud. "But I won't be around for that. I think I've overstayed my welcome."

The demons gasped. "How on Earth did you do THAT, child?" Xiao Fung asked.

"Ancient _British_ Proverb: Get stuffed."

"You still cannot get out." Bai Tsa said with a hint of pride in her voice. "That barrier spell is not only physical but magical in its workings. Go ahead…TRY to break out."

Nick shrugged. "Okay, I will." He said, sticking his tongue out at her. "I mean, all it is are a bunch of squiggles and lines and stuff, what's the big-"

He tried to step out.

"OOF!" A violent burst of SOMETHING sent him to the ground. He groaned. "That friggin' hurts! What the heck?"

"Told you." Bai Tsa said. "You're only halfway there, child."

Nick groaned. His hand reached up to rub his sore head…

He touched flower.

The dandelion.

"Oh." He said, suddenly pulling it from his ear. "The dandelion…I almost forgot! Silly me, where is my head today?"

Dai Gui saw the dandelion and growled. "Dai Gui does not like flowers." He said menacingly. His rock floated over to Nick's island. "No, I do not like them at all."

"A dandelion is technically a flowering weed and not a real flower." Tso Lan said.

"Oh please, it's a flower." Tchang Zu said.

"No it's not." Xiao Fung said.

"Is too!" Hsi Wu said.

"Is not!" Po Kong growled.

"Is too!" Shendu hissed.

"Is not!" Bai Tsa snapped.

Dai Gui's rock loomed closer. "Hand that flower over, boy." He said to Nick, large hand held out.

"Is there a reason you dislike flowers or is it simply because a flower was used to banish you?" Nick asked, scratching his head. A hair fell down. Nick grabbed it and wrapped it around the dandelion.

"It IS!"

"It ISN'T!"

"IS!"

"ISN'T!"

"Dai Gui did once like dandelions actually…" Dai Gui said. "…but that was a long time ago, and…hey, why am I talking to you anyway? Hand it over, Nick Grey."

Nick held it out in front of himself. He saw some stones fly down, and chuckled, then went back to concentrating.

"Okay, here goes everything! How did that chant go on the show? Oh yeah, I remember!"

"IS!"

"ISN'T!"

"IS!"

"ISN'T!"

Dai Gui suddenly realized what Nick was trying to do. His eyes narrowed and he stepped onto Nick's rock island, looming over the teen. "Better not do that, child…" He said menacingly. "You might regret it!"

Nick held the flower up over his head, looking at it and chanting. "Yu mo gwai gui fai di zao, Yu mo gwai gui fai di zao…"

"IS!"

"ISN'T!"

"IS!"

"ISN'T!"

"IS-wait, what is that child doing?"

"He's chanting! Stop him!"

Nick closed his eyes and concentrated hard. He wasn't aware of it, but his necklace was glowing a bright yellow aura, as was the dandelion. Nick was shouting now as he chanted hard…very hard.

"YU MO GWAI GUI FAI DI ZAO! YU MO GWAI GUI FAI DI ZAO!"

Dai Gui saw the danger and leapt back just in time. The flower shone brightly for a moment, and then…

CRASH! Tinkle-tinkle…

It was as if a mirror had been broken. Shards of…of some kind of invisible barrier (now visibly blue) fell to the ground around Nick, dissipating. Nick was free. Nick opened his eyes looked around. The circle design had vanished, he was standing on bare rock island again.

"By golly, it worked." He said. "WOW did I luck out!"

Tchang Zu regained control and growled. "You just made your last mistake child. Now it's time you were punished. We shall beat you within an inch of your life until you BEG for us to kill you…and THEN we'll use your body's aura to free ourselves!"

"You can't do that if I'm not in a spell circle, and if you don't mind I'm going to leave." Nick told him calmly.

"You're not leaving!" Tchang Zu snarled. He held out his clawed hands in front of his chest, lighting sparking up.

Nick gulped. It looked bad. The demons were snickering, seeing Nick's fear.

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh-"

Then Nick suddenly remembered his grandpa's stick. He looked up, toward the heavens. "Grandpa, I don't know if you can hear me from here but if you can…"

He held his arm back, holding the stick like a javelin. "**Please let this work**!" He yelled, and then he threw it with all his strength. It soared through the air with a "whoosh"…

And sailed through a gap in the lightning, striking Tchang Zu's armor, going right through it. Just barely, but still right through…

And although the stick was wood, the top was metal…and metal…conducted electricity.

It was a miracle. The electricity traveled through the top of the staff, down it and into Tchang Zu. He let out a terrible howl of agony and fell to the ground, twitching. Nick grinned.

The stick was perfectly fine.

"Thank you, Grandpa." Nick said, looking up. Then he jumped into the air and flew over to Tchang Zu's unconscious body, pulling the walking stick out of the armor and twirling it in the air.

"You just got served, as they say in Black culture! That's the shiznit!" He stopped twirling it and bowed. "Well it's been real, but I'm leaving! Frankly, you all need to learn some better conversational topics besides killing stuff and taking over the world."

Bai Tsa growled and raised a hand, firing a blast of water from it. "You're not going ANYWHERE!"

Nick jumped off, flying through the air and whizzing by Hsi Wu, who stood there dumbfounded. Nick turned around and gave a two-fingered salute to Bai Tsa.

"Sayonara, Senorita!" He called out, and then flew off, whooping. Hsi Wu growled and flapped into the air.

"I'll catch him!" He snarled.

"We'll ALL catch him." Shendu said, rising into the air with the power of his Levitation talisman.

"Indeed." Tso Lan said. "This could be our only chance to escape this wretched place. Let us not waste it."

Nick on the other hand, was so far off that he was not only uninterested, he was practically…okay, totally oblivious. He had Blink 182 playing on his watch. Specifically the song "First Date".

Yes, he was singing to it! He wouldn't be him if he wasn't.

"In the car, I just can't wait! To pick you up on our very first date! Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think its Linda Dan's? Do you like my stupid hair? Did you guess that I didn't know what to wear? Are you scared of what you think? You make me nervous so I really can't eat!"

He turned his head and saw the demons coming up quickly. He grinned.

Hsi Wu bolted forward. "I've got you now!"

"Oh no you don't!"

Nick flew over to a nearby rock and ducked under it. "Let's go! Don't wait! This night's almost over!" He continued to sing.

Tso Lan, hovering quickly on a rock, jetted towards Nick, who was standing on a floating rock that Hsi Wu had hit, looking down at the dizzy Sky Demon and dancing to the song.

"Honest, let's make…this night last forever! Forever…and ever! Let's make this last forever! Forever, and ever…let's make this last forever!"

He saw Tso Lan and jumped into the air, flying higher and higher, still singing.

"When you smile I melt inside! I'm not worthy of a minute of your time! I really wish it was only me and you! I'm jealous of everybody in the room!"

"Got you!" Shendu growled, zooming up to Nick and trying to grab the kid. Nick simply ducked and dodged, continuing to fly up, higher and higher. Suddenly he made a quick turn around and kicked off of Shendu's face.

"Please don't look at me with those eyes! Please don't hint that you're capable of lies! I dread the thought of our very first kiss! I target that I'm probably gonna miss! Let's go! Don't wait! This night's almost over! Honest! Let's make…this night last forever!"

He flew through the air, arms spread out and laughing happily. He suddenly felt free…so very FREE…

"Forever! And ever! Let's make this last forever! Forever…and ever! Let's make this last forever! Forever…and ever…let's make this last forever! Forever! And ever! Let's make this last **forever**!"

Then it happened.

A portal appeared right in front of Nick, and before anyone could do anything…

Nick flew right in, and the portal closed shut. Shendu growled, clenching his fists.

"How did he escape so easily? How could a portal just…just appear for him!"

"He must have someone big looking after him." Tso Lan said.

"I can't believe I collided with rock AGAIN." Hsi Wu groaned.

"It doesn't matter. That dumb child is…oh, I feel strange…" Shendu suddenly fell from the air, hitting a rock island hard. Tso Lan blinked.

"Brother, what is wrong now? Don't tell me you-oh, my HEAD!" Tso Lan suddenly grabbed his head, howling horribly. He fainted next. Hsi Wu suddenly realized he had a massive headache too…he couldn't get rid of it. He opened his mouth to howl in pain but suddenly everything went dark and the Sky Demon collapsed.

One by one the demons fell down, unconscious.

The reason why…would soon be revealed.


	6. Let's Change History!

**CHAPTER FIVE**

LET'S CHANGE HISTORY!

In San Francisco…

Mr. Ernest Goldberg, curator of the local museum, was in a very, very good mood. The nice archaeologist that had introduced himself as Mr. Jackie Chan had been very cooperative with the museum been happy to excavate and move the golden bell they'd found in a nearby large forest. Apparently it had been undisturbed for centuries, and was a truly miraculous find. It had been donated to the museum just two days ago, and soon would be open for display.

His secretary buzzed him. "Someone wants to see you about the bell sir. Says it's urgent." Short, quick, to the point.

Mr. Ernest Goldberg frowned. He brushed back what little hair he had left on his head and pressed the respond button. "Let him in."

Perhaps someone examining the bell had found something important. Some rune or inscription that the museum needed to know of? Or maybe the bell had cracked, or perhaps was too damaged to be displayed? These things needed to be dealt with ASAP, something Ernie had learned when he was just a secretary himself in the museum he now presided over.

The door opened and shut very, VERY quickly. Ernie gasped. This…this person was frightening to behold. His entire…SELF was scary. It wasn't just the golden eyes, or the scaly, three-digit clawed hands, or the dark, hooded cloak…he had a miasma of darkness around him. This was NOT someone in a costume. He could tell.

"Are you the curator of this museum?" The…person…asked. Ernie nodded.

"Yes." He said squeakily. He coughed a few times and drew himself up, clearing his throat. "Um, what may I do for you?"

"Do you care for the safety of the people of your museum?" The thing asked.

Ernie blinked. "Why, yes, I…I practically grew up with them."

The thing crossed its arms and sighed. "I was afraid of that…then it's a good thing I came here. I am going to give you one warning and one warning only…return the bell. Return the bell to its forest and your employees will go unharmed. Not only that, all of your beloved city shall be unharmed."

Ernie was angry. He slammed his hands on his desk and stood up. "Now see here, what gives you the balls to tell me what to do? Get out of my office! I won't be intimidated by criminal threats!"

The thing nodded slowly. "Then the city's health is on…your conscience. I did warn you. Now San Francisco shall suffer as a result."

The "person" left the office silently. Ernie glared at him all the way, and when he was finally out of sight, Ernie walked to his secretary's room. "How could you let him-"

His secretary was drooling, sitting in her chair. She looked pale…zombified. Ernie waved his hand in front of her a few times and she suddenly awoke with a start. "WUAH! There's…there's a big snake, it…it was looking at me and suddenly I felt so weird, Mr. Goldberg, I felt so WEIRD…"

Ernie frowned. Something told him he'd made a very dangerous move.

He wished he could go play on his fishing boat. He really liked his boat.

Meanwhile, Nick had collided hard with a big, fancy white wall. He slowly slid down it, groaning. Wrenching himself free he fell to the ground and got up, brushing himself off.

"**Wow**." He said.

It was amazing. He was in a pearly white shrine. The walls shimmered with holy light, but what caught Nick's eyes were two things. At the far end of the shrine, to Nick's left, was a beautiful wooden door the size of a redwood tree, with ornate decorations on it and many knockers of different sizes and shapes. And on the other side, to Nick's right…

A huge book lay open on a large display stand made of gold. It had an emerald binding. Nick slowly approached it, amazed at how HUGE it was. It was bigger than that old atlas that he had had as a little kid, the one that had been his own size! He looked at it.

Hmm. It was written in Chinese…or was it Japanese? Which was which? He could never tell.

Nick remembered something suddenly, the thought suddenly popping up in his head.

Yes, it WAS Chinese. Because this book, this HUGE book that was in this big white shrine, it was special…there was only one book that had been shown in a white shrine on the TV show…

The Book of Ages…

A book that magically recorded history!

Suddenly Nick noticed that the words were…changing to English! He could read it now. He walked up to it and decided to take a look at the cover. Did it have an author?

He put the walking stick and backpack down and turned to the front cover of the book. The emerald binding of the book was dazzling in its beauty. He ran his fingers over the title.

"The Book Of Ages"…

Suddenly it changed. "The Emerald Book of Secrets".

Nick blinked. No way!

Then it changed again. "The Emerald Scrolls of Thoth"

Oh WOW! So the Emerald Book of Secrets he'd read about was REAL!

"Awwwwwsome!" Nick said. He couldn't help it. He had kept a finger on the page that had been open. He turned back to it and read.

Yes, yes…interesting. All stuff about what had recently happened in the Jackie Chan Adventures timeline. Then, right after "Father and son were banished from the Earth"…

"Nicholas Michael Grey came to the world, remaining true to his ideals no matter what the challenge…"

Wow. Nice.

"I can't believe I'm in the Emerald Book of Secrets! There are so many things I could look up in here about the past…but…I'd better not. It's not really meant for me. Hmm…"

He scratched his head. "Then again, with this book I could fix a lot of stuff…it wouldn't hurt to fix just one accident, could it?"

He looked to his left and saw a little quill, inside a small bottle of ink. "Just one incident, just _one_…"

He reached for it and took it in his hands. He brought it to the paper, preparing to write.

What to write?

"Should I fix 9/11? Yeah, that would be-oh, but who knows what THAT might do? Maybe a better leader…yeah, Bush could lose the election…then again…hmm. I don't know how closely this world resembles my own, how much could change for the worse if I try to help. What do I know about this world that I can _DEFINITELY_ change?"

Then an idea came to him.

What if…what if he went back and time and made sure that Shendu never ended up bothering the Chans? Wouldn't he be doing the whole world a favor?

Hmm…then again, if he DID do it, then Tohru wouldn't join up with the Chans…

But what would happen if he went back in time…and managed to take care of one demon? Just one? Not Shendu of course, but maybe someone else…what would that mean? What could happen?

Less stress off of the Chan clan's back, that's what would happen! What would be so bad about that?

Nick nodded. He knew just what to do. He turned to the blank part of the page that talked about him entering this realm of existence. He started to write.

"And then…" Nick said, reading out loud what he was writing. "A portal to the past opened in the shrine of the Emerald book, and Nick Grey was able to travel into the past, where and when the demons first appeared…"

A roaring sound suddenly echoed throughout the shrine. Nick looked back and saw that another door had appeared, this one smaller than the first but still ornately decorated. He looked at the Book of Ages.

"Hmm…I'd better bring it with me. But first…"

Nick wrote down "And then the Book of Ages shrunk down to a better size so Nick could carry it in his backpack."

The book shrunk down to the size of a hotel-room Bible. Nick closed it and put it in the second pocket of his backpack, then walked to the door.

"Here I go." He said, opening up the door and stepping through into light…

Suddenly Nick was outside of a beautiful home. A Chinese home. It was three stories high, with a large stone path leading to it, with flower bushes lining up the path. There was a small set of steps that led up to the patio of this house, and the door had Chinese symbols on it. Nick looked down at his watch and checked the year.

28 BC. Hmm. Interesting.

"This must be where the demons were created." Nick thought. "I wonder how you make a dem-"

Suddely Nick heard a carriage approaching. He ducked behind a flower bush and waited, taking out the Book just in case.

The carriage stopped. Then he heard a voice say something in Chinese.

"I wish I could understand Chinese." Nick said.

YOU'LL NEED TO UNDERSTAND A LOT MORE THAN CHINESE. An omnipotent Voice said, a familiar voice Nick had heard so many times before, always guiding, always understandable, and more importantly, not an impartial observer, but someone who was really involved! Nick looked around.

What the? All of time had frozen! Nothing was moving at all, everything, air, bushes and people were stock still. A bird in mid-flight was above him, unmoving. Some leaves that had been blowing softly in a breeze were still as could be.

_**Nice**_.

"You froze time?"

I THINK WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK.

The way the Voice said that made Nick gulp.

BEWARE OF MESSING WITH THE FLOW OF TIME, NICK. IT CAN HAVE GRAVE CONSEQUENCES.

"Yeah, I know what I'm doing!" Nick said stubbornly.

THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT. IN ANY CASE, HOLD ONTO YOUR NECKLACE.

Nick nodded, holding onto it tightly. "Like this?"

Suddenly he heard hundreds of voices speaking, all in so many different languages…

"Bonne chance!"

"Viel Glueck!"

"Buona fortuna!"

"Boa sorte!"

"Buena suerte!"

...and he knew they were all saying the same thing…

**"Good luck."**

NOW YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ALL THAT YOU HEAR, AND ALL THAT HEAR YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN WHEN IT COMES TO TRANSLATING WRITING.

"Okay…any other advice?"

YES…YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE HOW THE OTHER SIDE LIVES. BE **CAREFUL**.

Nick blinked, and time was unfrozen. The woman had apparently told the driver of the carriage that had brought her here to leave. The carriage seemed to leave, going far away. The woman started humming as she walked down the path.

Nick kept hidden, but although he was hidden carefully he could still see the woman.

She was dressed in flowing white robes, with a pink flower in her hair. She had beautiful golden brown eyes and long, flowing white hair that was tied into a bun at the top. Two long strands of hair hung down, swaying gently in the breeze. She had a small, gentle smile on her face and radiated warmth from it.

She looked like an angel.

Nick blinked. He was simply amazed.

Then he heard the door open. He turned his eyes to the left and saw a man. He looked quite handsome, but also serious and austere. He had brown hair that was well cropped and he wore purple robes with golden trimmings. He and the woman were both wearing sandals with white socks. The man had a golden necklace with a strange symbol on it…Nick recognized it as an upside down cross.

The Cross of Saint Peter. Peter had asked to be crucified upside down because he had felt unworthy of dying the same way as his lord. He'd been obliged. But now he was in Heaven and stood at the Pearly Gates, allowing the worthy into Heaven. Still, although the Cross of Saint Peter had been a sign of respect for the saint originally often it ended up being used by satanic or underground cults.

Odd that a Chinese man is wearing it, Nick thought. He watched the woman go up to the man.

"I told you I'd be here on time." She said with a small smile. "Don't frown. You look so much better when you're smiling."

Nick liked her already! He could tell what she was saying because, although he HEARD Chinese, he understood it as if it was the English language, like he'd ALWAYS known what they were saying.

"As you wish. Come on in, cherry blossom. Do you like my necklace, by the way? This sign appeared to me in a vision, and I just HAD to have it made into a necklace."

"Oh, you and your visions!" She gently pinched his cheek and walked inside. "It's very nice." Nick heard her say. The man shut the door behind her. Nick walked out from his hiding spot and ran to the door. But he didn't open it. He inched around it, going to a nearby window and listening in.

"I have something to talk to you about." He heard the man say in a voice that for some reason sounded chilling to Nick. "It's about the future. I know you're as concerned as I about finding a good husband. That's why I wish to talk to you."

Nick listened for the woman's response. It came quickly.

"Of course I'm concerned about the future." She said. "Everyone is, right? I want to settle down and have a family and children, and…can you keep a secret?"

"There may be people listening outside our windows. We should go upstairs to my room, it is quite secure."

Nick heard the woman giggling. "Well, if you'll feel safer up there, than okay silly. Let's go then. I want to tell you about someone."

"Ladies first." The man said.

Nick heard them walking up the steps. Time for action. He flew into the air and up, up…he saw the roof slanted off nice and widely, meaning he could land safely…AND peek into any windows. He landed on the roof and looked into the nearest window.

Hmm…it was a large room with a big bed at the end of it, and several desks. The man had written something Nick couldn't make out at all on the walls. It looked like gibberish, there were far too many symbols mixed in with the words. Weirder still there were flowers and candles all around, and a funny smell…incense maybe…was creeping out from the open window.

Then he saw the door opening. This WAS the man's room!

He quickly flattened himself against the flat wall of the window, to the right of it. He listened.

"Now what did you-what? What on Earth is this, Long Oah?"

So the man's name was Long Oah.

"I told you, my cherry blossom…I am concerned about the future. You see…"

He heard "Blossom" gasp as something ripped…clothes! He was ripping her clothes off!

"Oh my god." Nick whispered.

RIPPP!

"I desire a family like you do…and more importantly…"

"He wouldn't…"

RIIPPPPP!

"I desire YOU. And my kind usually get whatever we desire."

Nick heard "Blossom" scream. Long Oah laughed and he heard the sound of her being shoved…he heard bedsprings creak. Long Oah had shoved her onto the bed. He heard the door slam.

"Now then my dear cherry blossom…"

He heard a "fwump". Long Oah's clothes had hit the floor.

"It's time you found out…"

"Blossom" was terrified. Nick could hear her pleading, begging him to go away in an almost inaudible tone. Long Oah ignored her.

Nick suddenly felt very, VERY sick. He got it. He knew, he KNEW…

"No, oh God please, don't let him do this…"

"What a demon sorcerer can do in bed."

Blossom screamed. Long Oah laughed.

"Oh Jesus Christ, no…no…no…"

Nick heard bedsprings squeak and Blossom screams were suddenly muffled. He was holding a hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry, you do not become pregnant with a demon sorcerer's children on the first go. Not if the sorcerer so wishes it. Just try to…heh-heh…relax."

Nick couldn't take it. He curled up in a ball, putting his head between his legs and pressing them tightly against his ears with his arms, tears falling down freely.

Though it was muffled, he could still hear shrieks of pain and pleasure.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh sweet Jesus he's raping her he's raping her oh **GOD**…_

He bit down hard on his lip and both blood and tears fell to the roof.

It seemed to take hours. Finally it was over. Nick heard Long Oah get up, walking outside the room and closing it, locking "Blossom" inside. He heard her sobbing horribly, a rendition he'd never heard before in his entire life. It made him sick.

He slowly inched towards the window and peeked in.

_Blood…oh GOD, how can she bleed so much? She was so tired, so weakened from it all that she was unconscious but sweet Jesus the BLOOD…_

Nick fell back, hot, terrible tears springing to his eyes. He bit on his fist, drawing blood and not moving from the roof.

He wanted to die. NOBODY deserved that. NOBODY. He covered his face with his hands, ashamed that he had not stopped it, and sickened at what he'd seen. He felt sick throughout his entire body.

A moment later he couldn't help it. He vomited over the side of the roof.

"Oh **GOD**…"

**Author's note:**

**I apologize if anyone found that shocking. It's meant to be. Don't worry, things improve soon enough! **


	7. The Genesis of Evil?

**CHAPTER SIX**

THE GENESIS OF EVIL?

Nick opened his eyes.

What the?

It had been spring. Now it was…fall! Odd. Colder too. Then he heard noises coming from "Blossom's" room. She was groaning like…

Like…

"Come on, push! Push!"

"AAAARGH!"

Oh crikey! Nick thought. She's giving birth!

SCCCHLOOOPAH!

A tiny squeal.

"Oh, it's a beautiful boy!"

"Oh…let me hold him, let me hold him…"

"We shall name him…Tso Lan."

"Okay, Long Oah."

"All right, let me hold him now…you may go, girl. See, Blossom? Are you unhappy now that I used another? I only want the best for you…"

Nick blinked. Wait…he'd been unconscious for nine months somehow?

Then he remembered…

"A portal to the past opened in the shrine of the Emerald book, and Nick Grey was able to travel into the past, where and when the demons first appeared…"

When the demons first appeared! He was going to be there for every single birth! That meant that-wait…there had been three voices. Wait…Long Oah had done it with another woman? And then he'd just…just cast her aside and made "Blossom" the newborn's mother.

COLD. And yet oddly caring, in regards to "Blossom". Freaky, to say the least.

Wait, so then…he must have stopped himself before…before IT had happened. Or maybe he used a primitive condom, enough to stop the flow but rough enough to make her bleed…

Oh, now his head hurt!

Suddenly the world was spinning, Nick was queasy…

He was back on the roof again. Now he heard two new voices. A cry of a newborn and one of a baby who was not yet a toddler.

"His name will be Tchang Zu."

Okay, that made two so far. Only six more to go…

WOOSH! The world spun around and around…

"His name shall be Dai Gui."

WOOSH!

"Po Kong."

WOOSH!

This is getting weiiiird. Nick thought, still not getting used to the experience.

This time he heard…TWO cries!

"Hmm…well, what a surprise. They are twins!"

"My little twins…"

"This one was born a minute earlier, so the title of Fire Demon shall go to him. His name will be Shendu. This one has potential though, I can see it. His name will be Xan and he shall be the Sun Demon for his eyes shine with a brilliance similar to that of the great ball that hangs in the sky."

Twins? What the heck? Shendu had a twin brother?

Nick crawled over to the window and peeked in, seeing two little babies held gently by their mother, "Blossom". A blanket covered her lower extremities right now, which Nick thanked his luck for. They were indeed identical, save for the eyes. One had brilliant golden eyes while the other one had ones that shimmered like the color bronze.

"Aren't you glad I saved this for you?" Long Oah said, pointing to the area of his pants where his manhood was. Okay, so he'd actually given children to "Blossom" this time. Nick wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing.

Then time sprang forward again…

WOOSH!

Now Nick saw…

"We'll name her Bai Tsa."

A girl! The last girl…and she HAD been produced from Blossom. She had her mother's smile and her nose.

WOOSH!

"Xiao Fung."

How many can be left? Let's see, Tso Lan, Tchang Zu, Dai Gui, Po Kong, Shendu and Xan, Bai Tsa, Xiao Fung…that's eight. But not counting Xan that's seven, so only one's left and that's…"

WOOSH!

"Oh, look at him. He's so cuuute!"

It was undoubtedly Hsi Wu. He was the only one left.

Besides, Nick remembered from the show that when the Sky Demon had posed as a human he'd had golden brown eyes…

And there were the deep eyes…with three small strands of black hair popping up from that little round head.

He WAS cute. He was smiling, spitting out some bubbles. "Blossom", his mother gently wiped his mouth.

"Awww…" Nick found himself thinking.

WOOSH!

Suddenly he was in the future again…but there was nobody inside the room. So then…

Wait…the demons that had gone wrong! The first one was going to appear! How far ahead had he skipped?

But first, he had to do something about this time skipping.

Nick opened to the Book of Ages and did some quick writing.

Now it read:

"A portal to the past opened in the shrine of the Emerald book, and Nick Grey was able to travel into the past, and appeared in the time when the demons first came…but only on nine counts and no more."

"THAT'S the way you do it!" Nick said, putting the Book of Ages back in his backpack. He slid down from the roof and landed on the ground, sneaking around the house. He heard voices.

"Stop it! Jerk!"

"Swim for it, froggy!"

"Stop making fun of me! I'll go demon form all over you!"

"Come on froggy! I thought you were all supposed to be good swimmers! Surely you can swim faster than these rocks!"

Nick peeked behind the house and saw a large pond. A angry, brown-eyed kid with greasy black hair was swimming around, avoiding some rocks that were being thrown by a mean-looking kid with messy blond hair. The poor toad-faced kid was trying to get to shore by the other kid just kept throwing the rocks. Behind the bully, sneaking up was a boy, with brushed, fairly long brown hair who had glittering blond eyes. He carried a clump of Earth in his hand.

WHAM!

He hit the bully over the head. A girl watching from afar, also young and not even a teen yet like the others, giggled. She had white hair with a streak of blue in it interestingly enough, and light blue eyes with a blue dress and shoes to match her eyes. Her hair fell down to her shoulders. Next to her was a bigger girl with huge, floppy breasts and black hair that was tied into a ponytail, who, at the moment, was walking over to the toad-faced kid, who had finally swum out of the pond. The blond-haired bully and the kid who had hit him were tussling on the ground, snarling and shouting insults at each other.

Two other kids walked onto the scene. The tallest had quite long black hair that was tied into a ponytail, and distinctly purple eyes, eyes that seemed to peer into your soul, creepy eyes…strange eyes. Behind him was a fairly skinny kid with black hair that spiked up in three places at the front, with brown/yellow eyes and a big, cheesy smile. He started cheering the brown-haired kid on.

"Go Dai! Go-go-go! Get him!"

"Brothers, stop fighting. Soon our new brother shall come into the world. Is this really what you want him to see?" The long-haired kid had said that.

"I just hope that father doesn't mess it up." The toady kid said.

"Father makes me sick." Someone said, approaching from behind the two kids who were obviously Tso Lan and Hsi Wu. He had brown hair that spiked upward, and…bronze eyes. He also had a small ponytail in the back.

"Watching you fail to beat Xan at even making dinner makes us all sick." The kid who was apparently Bai Tsa (hey, who else would have hair that had BLUE in it?) said. "Can't you do ANYTHING right, Shendu?"

"Go fk a goat, dear sister." Shendu said, growling angrily.

The two tussling kids stopped fighting and stood up, dusting themselves off. "We'll finish this later." The blond-haired kid said. "Nobody beats Tchang Zu at fighting. NOBODY." "Except Dai Gui, demon of Earth!" Dai Gui said proudly. "I was winning you know. Wasn't I winning, Tso Lan?"

Tso Lan chuckled. "You were SO winning." Hsi Wu said. "Thank you, brother." Dai Gui said, smiling a bit. Tchang Zu stuck his tongue out. "I'll make you eat your own wife one day!" "Like to see you try, hanyou!"

"Let's go, Xiao Fung." The other girl said. She was obviously Po Kong. "Let's go everyone, or father will be very angry."

Xiao Fung sort of hopped off, and the others followed after, with Dai Gui being the last to leave. He picked up a stone and held it in his palm. He faced the pond and closed his eyes.

Suddenly the rock hovered in his hand. Then it flew through the air, skipping across the pond completely.

"Nice." Nick found himself saying. Dai Gui suddenly turned and saw Nick. He blinked, surprised…then smiled.

"You have an interesting aura. Are you another one of us?" He asked.

"Huh? Aura?"

"Your aura. I can't quite tell the colors until you cast some sort of spell though. Do you know any?"

"A few, but I shouldn't keep you from seeing your new brother."

Dai Gui bowed. "Thank you very much. I am Dai Gui, by the way."

"That rhymes." Nick said. Dai Gui smiled. "Dai Gui, my name's Nick Grey."

"THAT rhymes." Dai Gui said.

"DAI GUI, COME ON!" A voice rang out. Dai Gui turned and ran off to follow his siblings.

"I'll see you later, Mr. Grey!" He called back. Nick waved. "Kinda nice for a demon." Nick thought. "Well, I suppose I'd better go see what's happening."

He walked after Dai Gui, following a path. Then he saw where it led, to a big courtyard. There were all the demon-kids, gathered in front of a large spell circle. That horrible rapist that was their father was in fancy robes of black and purple and red, and his wife watched from behind him, looking frightened and yet oddly excited. Nick hid behind a bush and watched.

"And now I call forth your new brother, my children. Behold!"

He stretched out his hands and fingers and began to chant.

"Come forth, come forth, come forth demon of dreams and nightmares, for you shall be the first of a new era. Come forth, come forth, come forth demon of dreams and nightmares, come out into the world. Come forth, come forth…"

Nick could see a vague shape forming, floating above the ground in the circle spell. But he couldn't see what it really was. It looked like a dragon, a brown one…with wings and…

Suddenly…

Something happened. One moment that shape was there, and then…a raspy death rattle, and then…the thing vanished into thin air, dissipating. It…it had died, not yet complete. Something had gone wrong.

Nick felt a twang of sadness, of regret. Demon or not, to come into the world and then be taken so quickly…that seemed wrong. "Blossom" had averted her eyes. The demon-kids seemed mortified, shocked. The father was furious.

"It failed…it FAILED? How?!? Damn it! I'll have to do more research!" He stormed off, angry. "Blossom" followed dutifully behind. The demon-kids finally spoke.

"He…he died…"

"Wow, I…I can't believe that he was just there and then…"

"Too bad. He looked really cool."

"I'm depressed."

"Aw, you guys are feeling down? Then let's go out and check out the town!"

A new voice had spoke, one filled with vibrant energy and life. Nick looked to the right and saw a pale-looking white-skinned, quite "pretty" young teen wearing a plain white shirt with puffy black pants, sandals and black wristbands. He had on a large necklace with obsidian stones. His hair was long and flowed down his back, and he wore a golden earring in his ear. He had golden, almost shining eyes and he looked vaguely Asian, but the white, pale, ghostly skin and that hair, black and long-flowing…that made Nick think of a small country in Europe somewhere. Hmm.

In any case, the youth was what David's brother, who was a lover of Japanese culture, a "bishoen", a "pretty boy". When he spoke, he carried himself in a way that seemed to say "I've got my life under control."

"What's the matter, guys? No, don't tell me, I know, I saw the whole thing. Sorry about your would-be brother. I lost my older brother to that strange illness…"

"He was all human though, wasn't he Shin? It happens."

"That doesn't make him any less my brother. But you guys are family to me too, y'know? Come on, stop looking so depressed. Let's go do something! How about a drink? My treat. Don't say you don't drink at all, I know you've all snuck sips from your daddy's bottle, I've smelled it on you. Tchang Zu, you were drinking not more than ten hours ago, I can smell it. And you drink in town, I've seen. Don't think I don't notice these things."

"Man, your senses are so advanced, Shin. How do you do that? You should only be able to do that in demon form…"

"Yeah, well I'm not an ordinary demon. I'm special, remember? Demon of Shadow? Knowing things that others keep hidden and being able to sense the secret is my specialty, boys and girls. Now come on. Let's go for a little hike perhaps, how about that?"

Shin suddenly smiled slyly. "And uh…we can bring your new friend. The one with the weird aura that's hiding in that bush…over THERE." He pointed at the bush Nick was hiding in. The demon-kids all turned to look. Nick got out of the bush, hands raised.

"Okay, you got me, you got me. I was hiding in the bush. Sorry."

Shin shrugged. "It's all right. I'm Shin Dell, but everyone just calls me Shin, and you are?"

"Nick Grey. I'm not from around here."

"No kidding, you're not Asian at all. You must be from the west…like my mom! My Dad grew up here, but my mom's from some country far off to the west. So you're new in town?"

"Quite a good grasp of the obvious you've got there." Nick joked. "Yeah, I'm from really far west. REALLY far."

Shin shrugged again. "Okay. Well, mind telling us something?"

"Like what?" Nick asked.

"Your aura is really weird. I can't figure it out. Are you a demon like us?"

"No." Nick said instantly. "Uh-uh. Nada. Nope. Nay, Non, Nyet, Minime. I'm not a demon at all."

Shin shrugged. "Well that's all right. Are you a magician then?"

"Well I have some abilities and cast some magic, I don't know if that makes me a magician."

"Well anyway, why not come with us into town?"

"Into town?"

"Shin, have you forgotten? You're the Demon of Shadow, chosen in the lottery when all the Demon Sorcerers of China gathered here 13 and a half years ago when you were born! You can't go out and be seen by-"

"The people have no idea what the Demon of Shadow looks like nor do they even know his name. Just his title."

"But the title alone could get you killed! The Demon of Shadow is supposed to be stronger than all of the other demons, remember? That alone would…"

"Don't care. Wasting time. Let's go."

Nick smiled. He liked this guy.

So they went into town. Nick told them he was from a colony far off across the ocean (a half truth) and the demons introduced themselves, all proud of their "titles". Nobody knew who they really were either, just that they were the sons of the demon sorcerer that basically controlled the nearby towns.

"Our dad frightens everyone."

"Yeah, and the other demon sorcerers are so busy trying to watch out for betrayal from their kin that they don't bother to help the towns. Well, supposedly, Shin's mother tried once, but she only had one talent and that was turning invisible."

"Which **I** inherited!" Shin said proudly.

They were all riding on donkeys into the town. Nick's ride was bumpy, since he wasn't used to riding on top of any kind of four-legged creature. Po Kong was straining her poor ride.

Hsi Wu spoke up. "It's really quite a nice day, isn't it?" He asked Nick. Nick looked around. It was Summer, and the trees were all lush and green. A gentle wind blew. Birds flew through a sunny blue sky and the clouds were scattered and few.

"Yeah, it is a really nice day." Nick said.

Dai Gui shrugged. "I don't usually like "pretty", but the sun's warmth feels quite good, and I do like flowers." He grinned in a silly, almost stupid fashion. "Especially dandelions. I just love dandelions."

"I hope we don't run into Xan when we go to town." Shendu said, nervous. "He'll probably tell on us."

"What's he like, your brother Xan?" Nick asked.

"Well…he's the favorite, and he's…well…he's the strongest. It's because he most resembles father's demon form, I suppose."

"Huh?"

Bai Tsa rolled her eyes. "Stupid mortals don't know about that kind of stuff. Tso Lan, could you explain it?"

Tso Lan nodded. "It is simple. Generally when a demon has children, the child that most closely resembles the father, or if the demon is a female the mother…is the strongest. Our father is half dragon and has golden scales, so…"

"So Xan is the strongest?" Nick asked.

"Well unless we have another kid who has golden scales, spiked horns pointing down from his head AND bronze eyes. Shendu only has the brown eyes, Xan has the other two features. So Xan's got two up on Shendu."

"And two outta three ain't bad." Shin said. "Still, we can't stand that fathead."

"Yeah, none of us are really THAT close." Shendu muttered.

"Yeah, it's not like we're the best of buddies…" Hsi Wu said. "Although sometimes…well…oh, look, a hawk! Now THAT is some impressive wingwork. I'm better though, my nickname's Emperor of the Sky did you know that?"

"Hsi, calm down!" Tso Lan exclaimed, laughing slightly. "You're not Emperor of anything yet!"

"Save for being Emperor of the Bathroom, you hog it so much!" Xiao Fung snickered.

"HEY!"

Soon they arrived at the town. It was a quaint little village. It had huts all around, an inn, a large building that looked like a hall, and a small bar at the beginning of the street, where they were headed.

But before their donkeys could reach the bar, a carriage suddenly came out, being pulled by strong oxen. A nasty-looking man stuck his head out from it and sneered at the kids.

"Well, well. Long Oah's little b--tards and the black-haired hanyouu!"

"Be silent, old man!" Shendu snapped.

"What's a hanyouu?"

"A half-demon." Shin explained. "He's calling us mutts, basically…it's a rotten insult for our kind. We can't help it if we are what we are. But people are so intolerant and against diversity…sigh…"

"What are you rotten brats doing here? Go back where you belong…Hell!"

"Shut up!" Tchang Zu growled. "I'll get my father to rip your lungs out!"

"Why ride all those donkeys? Don't you know a single one of those flea-bitten wastes of flesh is worth all of you together?"

The demon kids growled, and Nick frowned. He was about to say something when Shin suddenly spoke up. He had been the only demon who hadn't been glaring angrily at the man when the insults had started flying. A fairly large crowd was gathering to watch, and when Shin spoke, EVERYONE heard it.

"Hey look guys…two oxen pulling an ass! What a sight!"

The crowd and the demon kids snickered. Nick laughed. Funny!

"My carriage is a better ride than your donkeys, hanyouu!" The man snarled.

Nick shouted out "Takes a donkey to _know_ a donkey!" and that got the whole crowd laughing. The man angrily strode out from his carriage and down the street, away from the crowd and the kids. Nick looked at Shin.

"Not bad, huh?"

"Pretty good comeback."

"High five." Nick said, raising his hand.

"Huh?"

"High five." Nick said again.

Shin blinked. Then he slowly raised his hand.

"Good, now come on. High five."

Shin blinked, then moved it to Nick, and their hands touched.

"Good, now do it faster and with more "oompth"."

Shin shrugged and did it. It was kinda weak, but it was a high five nonetheless.

"Thanks. Pretty good for your first time."

"What was that for?"

"It's a way of showing that you like something someone did. When a friend sees another friend do something nice, they give their friend a high five."

"So…we're friends now?"

"Bet your sweet bippy we are." Nick said.

Shin blinked again, then raised a hand.

"Okay…high five."


	8. Freedom Rings!

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

FREEDOM RINGS! 

Slowly the demons awoke to the sound.

The sound of a bell…

Ringing so, so clearly.

Hsi Wu glanced around. "Can you all hear that? Is it me or is a bell ringing?"

"Yes, I hear it too, brother." Bai Tsa said.

"As do I." Tchang Zu replied.

"I hear it." Dai Gui said. "It is a bell indeed, and it sounds big."

Then it happened. The bell rang with a resounding "CLANG", and the sky above them shattered as if it was glass. A beam of light fell down, glancing diagonally, going towards a region far away. It struck air, and then…a portal opened. A large green gate, it's insides swirling with red and golden energy. Then the bell rung again, and another portal opened. And another, and another, and another…until at last…there were eight.

"Portals to Earth!" Bai Tsa said, amazed.

"We can be free!" Shendu said, an eager look in his eye.

"Quickly, let us go! There are enough for all of us!" Tchang Zu said, rubbing his hands. "Now it's time for revenge against those rotten Chans…"

Hsi Wu smiled inwardly. This was going to be very interesting.

Shendu rubbed his head. "I still have a headache…"

Tso Lan glanced over at his brother. "You still have a headache as well? Interesting."

"I also have a headache still." Po Kong said.

Dai Gui put a clawed finger to his lip, thinking. "Dai Gui is confused. Something…something is not right. I think we are…forgetting something, but…but Dai Gui cannot remember what."

"If you can't remember it, it can't be THAT important." Tchang Zu snapped. "Let's go. We have a world to conquer."

One by one they went into the portals…

Meanwhile, in Uncle's Shop…

"This child you say…he was "A Chosen", is that right?"

"Yeah, just like that thing in my dream told me I was!"

Uncle gasped. "Aiyaaah! You also saw demooon?"

Jackie ran to his niece's side. "Jade, are you okay? What did he do to you?"

Jade sipped the hot cocoa she had and then spoke again. "Well in my first vision I was in the city and everything was grey and cold. Then somebody put a blanket around me to warm me up. It was this demon in a cloak. Scaly, three-fingered hands, golden eyes…kinda creepy."

"What happened then, Jade?" Tohru asked.

"Well, he called me "little jewel" and brushed some hair out of my face. I fell down and it hurt, and I realized that it wasn't a dream but a vision. Then the demon called me "the cleverest of the Chans", and lifted me up. I thought he was gonna…"

She shivered.

"But he didn't hurt me. He said he felt sorry for me, that he had to do something, had…had some kinda business with the city but that he'd "never let his chosen come to harm". And…and then he…"

She looked down at the ground, a bit embarrassed.

"He kissed me on the cheek."

Uncle's eyes narrowed. "Demon going after little child…they will stoop to anything!"

Jade sighed and sipped her cocoa again. The truth was, she'd been worried about another demon besides this new one. She'd been thinking about Hsi Wu.

Yes, he'd lied to her, pretending to be "Seymour Jahoosawitz" He'd used her and manipulated her. But…

Well, Jade was beginning to…care! As in care about what happened to him.

She had said she was over "Seymour" to Tohru. That hadn't been completely accurate. Or at least it had turned out to not be accurate. She had found herself sort of missing the Sky Demon, or rather, Seymour.

She kept wondering what he thought about her. And after that last vision she was wondering something else.

When she had gone through the portal, the Eighth door, she'd beaten Hsi Wu to it. She'd smiled coyly at him.

"One goes through Hsi, that's the rule." She had said. She'd blown him a kiss, and then stepped through as he tried to fly after her, through the portal.

He'd looked at her sort of funny…

The kind of funny she'd seen him looking like when he had been looking at that "Chosen" kid, Nick.

Jade needed some air. "I'm gonna go get dressed and go to the park. Since it's a Saturday and so nice out and all."

Jackie nodded. "Okay, but be sure to come back in an hour and a half. I don't want you gone too long. And it's better than watching "South Park".

"But the show's funny! EVERYONE thinks so!"

"But it doesn't expand your mind!"

"Oh, Jackie! It's a greatly satirical show that perfectly examines current issues of the day and problems of morality and ethics! We need more shows like it!"

"What you need is fresh air."

Jade nodded and walked back upstairs, getting dressed. A few minutes later she walked back downstairs and out the door, heading for the park.

Meanwhile…

Dai Gui waited calmly.

He had found himself in, of all places, San Francisco…in a city park. He had been so very happy to feel the sun again, and to feel the Earth beneath him.

He could hear things through the Earth, sounds from hundreds of miles away. The Earth could speak and sing to him, talking to him with the voice of a mother. Dai Gui could see through the Earth, hear through it…

Now he could see someone walking into the park. He himself was underground, in a series of tunnels he had built half an hour ago. He was quite the quick worker.

Underneath the park was something Dai Gui liked a lot…natural caverns and caves, buried below, buried deep. He had enjoyed walking around down there, and had decided to make it his new home. He would expand his underground kingdom from here.

But…hmm…what about that person that was entering the park?

Aw, she could wait. Dai Gui thought. "Tunnels first, human later." He said, and started digging hard and fast, making his kingdom anew.

Above ground, Jade laid down on a park bench, dead tired. She was so sleepy. She closed her eyes and hummed gently, falling to sleep.

Someone slowly walked up to her. She was cold right now, shivering a bit.

"Poor thing." He said. He reached out…

Jade awoke. She had been asleep for two whole hours. How had time slipped by so quickly? "I gotta get home!" She said to herself, sitting up…a blanket sliding off of her.

She hadn't brought a blanket…

And…and this one looked exactly like the one from her dream!

Jade suddenly realized she had the willies. He'd been here. That demon from her dreams. "Oh jeez…not only am I late but a demon just put a blanket on me! That is so freaky!"

Jade put the blanket off to the side and hopped down from the bench. "I gotta get back home." She said, walking off, heading for the exit of the park.

Beneath the Earth, Dai Gui listened…and saw.

He saw HER.

That girl. Chan's niece.

She'd been quite annoying before, shooting him with that flower. He did NOT like flowers. Then she'd ruined a very nice thing he'd had going when she had evaded the changes made to the Book of Ages and now…she was above his small little underground kingdom.

Dai Gui chuckled to himself. Revenge was a dish best served cold, and hard ground was cold indeed. He hadn't actually killed a child before…but there WAS a first time for everything. He jumped up, punching a hole through one of his many tunnels and digging up, quickly, silently as possible…finally he reached the point he wanted. He dug straight now, allowing himself a place to stand. Then he waited calmly for his prey.

Jade Chan was only 100 feet from the exit of the park when it happened. She had been waking slightly fast, not wanting to be scolded for being late by Jackie or Uncle, when large, clawed hands had burst from the ground around her. She hadn't even had time to scream when they suddenly came together…trapping her in between them.

She was trapped in the clutches of a demon! And not just any demon either…that big one, Dai Gui, the Demon of Earth.

She was trapped in his hands, and she felt herself going down, down, into the Earth.

"I have you now, girl." A throaty voice said, chuckling. Jade gulped.

Oh boy, she thought. I'm not just late…I'm dead.

Meanwhile…

"Captain Black, I'm concerned. Are your forces doing anything to-"

"We're doing all we can to stop the riots, but it's like something awful's been unleashed, Jackie. It's like a wildfire, and we're trying to put it out using only buckets."

"Well you're trying. That's what we need."

"It might be the work of…of THOSE kinds. Demons. I'm going to place some calls."

"To who?"

"I've got some friends in a tight undercover government organization. It's known as Section 2, or "Special Unit 2". I didn't find out about them until half a year ago, but I'll call and see if they've got any information that'll help us."

"Right. Thank you, Captain."

"Call me Augustus, Jackie. Don't stand on ceremony. Actually, scratch that. I need to think up a better nickname for you to call me, "Augustus" is a bit stiff. By the way, you catch "Scrubs" last night?"

"Oh yes, very funny! Who are your favorite characters?"

"The janitor and Dr. Cox."

"…why am I not surprised? I like JD and Elliot myself. I will talk with you later."

Jackie turned on the news at the shop after hanging up and picked up the coffee he'd poured to calm himself down some. He started flipping from station to station when suddenly something caught his eye.

"This is Willy Little reporting. We are having reports are coming in from multiple sources at the San Francisco Museum that at least 12 security guards have been terribly injured and are apparently in critical condition in what was apparently a case of vandalism taken to the extreme. We now join Patty O' Furniture at the scene. Patty?"

"Thanks, Will. As you can see, four of the severely injured guards are being lifted into the ambulance right now. They just look AWFUL, Will. At least four of them have broken ribs, three have deep wounds on their stomachs and one poor fella's throat was torn open. It looks…oh my, it looks like…oh, he didn't make it Will. He didn't make it. Our hearts go out to the victim's families. Back to you, Will."

"Thanks, Patty. Doctor's reports on examination of the first few victims released these photos of the injured parties. Their injuries, as you can see, are severe, almost as if an animal attacked them. There appear to be teeth marks, perhaps a result of one of the vandals bringing an attack dog…"

Jackie dropped the cup of coffee he was drinking and it shattered on the floor. Those were not just teeth marks. They were FANG marks. Besides those, there were claw marks on the man…three-digit claw marks.

"That…that demon…" He gasped.

"Oh, Patty has a new development…it seems that many priceless artifacts from other countries had been wrecked in the struggle, and the US government is taking much heat from representatives of other countries who are outraged of this "destruction of culture". The president had this to say…"

George W. Bush is now facing the camera and dozens of reporters as Dick Cheney and Condi Rice are standing next to him.

"Ah-hem." He clears his throat. "Da-derpity-derpa-derpity-derp-da-derp. Da-derpity-derpa-derp-derp! Da-derp!"

"Let me read that back sir…"da derp". Is that true, Mr. President?"

"Da-_DERRRRP_!"

"But tell me Patty, what does the man in the street say?"

"Well, I TOOK to the streets to find out, Will."

"What do I say? I don't give a s—t."

"Who cares what some chinks think?"

"Hey, I know you!"

"Yes. I am Morpheus. Heh. I LOVE saying that!"

"You're Cowboy Curtis from "Pee-Wee's Playhouse!"

"Aw, for Pete's sake! I'm MORPHEUS! I've done action films!"

"Oh look, honey! Cowboy Curtis! Hey, could you do a square dance for us?"

"AAUUUGHH! I'm not Cowboy Curtis anymore! I was in "The Matrix"! I'm _**cool**_ now! **ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH**!!!"

"…okaaay…moving right along! Sir, what do you think about all of this?"

"14 people were attacked. AMERICANS. One guy's DEAD. And all those f—kin' Ruskies and Spics and Dagos and Limey f—ggots can think of are some broken s—ty pieces of _pottery_? F—k them!"

"Really, I don't give a s—t."

"Well, speaking _as_ a man in the street-HEY, WATCH IT, C—KF-G!! I'M TALKING HERE! Can we do this interview somewhere else besides the stree-AAAA! MY **FOOT**!"

"Destruction of culture? The hell they say, sucka! I'm gonna find a chink and bust a cap in his ass, my nigga!"

"I _still_ don't give a s—t."

"Well, I can't blame them, but hey, people have died to make sure their "culture" wasn't completely destroyed, so to Hell with them."

"Uh, Patty, I'm going to have to interrupt you with a new report…the UN is up in arms over this new incident, harsh words have been said, shoes have been slammed against desks again…this incident could have been the spark for a deadly series of events that are soon to follow, Patty…we should all start stocking up on duct tape, folks."

Jackie looked down at the coffee. He turned back to Uncle.

"Uncle…two things. One, do we have any duct tape?"

"Yes….why?"

"Second…that was _just_ coffee you gave me, right?"

At that moment, a busload of San Franciscans had the unfortunate distinction of being the first victims of the demons. You see, for some reason, the bus had been stuck in a huge puddle that couldn't be driven out of.

Confused, the bus driver walked outside, leaving the door open. He didn't see two things as he examined the wheels that were stuck in the puddle. One was the large pair of wings that descended on the bus from above...

And the other was the watery form rising up behind him.

People on the bus saw the latter. They tried to scream out a warning…

Too late. A pair of webbed, clawed hands grabbed the driver and held him up. Bai Tsa, the Water Demon, licked her lips and bared her fangs.

"Finally…some nourishment." She hissed. A tentacle of her head snaked out and grabbed his head, pulling him close to her. She bit deep into his neck and began to drain him of his blood.

At that moment, while the people on the bus where being horrified by what they saw in front of them, taloned feet landed on the top of the bus, and claws dug in, ripping it open. People now stared up in horror at red eyes that glared hungrily down at them, and a gremlin-like face.

"I shall be very quick about this." He assured them. "I have business elsewhere to conduct…"

He snatched two young women, both friends who had been in the middle of a trip to downtown, up from the bus seats, lifting them high up. "Ah, you two shall do nicely." He said, flying into the air, heading away from the bus. Bai Tsa, meanwhile, had eaten her fill and tossed the driver to the ground, slithering onto the bus to continue feeding.

Landing on the roof of an antique shop, Hsi Wu tossed the second woman to the ground, and snapped his fingers. She was suddenly paralyzed by bonds of swirling winds, unable to move. Satisfied with this he turned to the other woman, placing her down on the roof and leaning in, jaws opening wide.

"Farewell." He told her simply, biting deep into her neck. She let out a gasp and was about to scream, but then he bit deeply again, and her eyes shut, letting out a death rattle. He began to chew vigorously, chomping through the neck bone. Finally the head and body were separated. He drank the blood that now flowed from the neck like it was the nectar of life, much to the other woman's horror. Eventually he'd had enough and he leisurely tossed the body off the roof into a nearby dumpster, to the further horror of the other woman. He then reached for her…

"This WILL hurt." He informed her. He bit into her neck too, only this time it was a large bite that bit through half her neck and killed her instantly. But this time instead of drinking her, he began eagerly devouring the body from the neck down, gulping down flesh with gusto. He found it smooth and creamy, a good taste he hadn't had pass his lips in ages.

Soon the legs vanished down his throat, and he now had a large bulge in his belly. But the heads remained…

Not for long though. He swallowed them in a single gulp, enjoying the taste and feel as they went down his gullet. Patting his belly he sat down to digest.

"It has been a long time since I tasted female human flesh." He said to himself, belly bulging. "But it is as juicy as I remember it." A few moments later he stood up. "Now then, to business, to business…"

He hopped down from the roof and rang the doorbell of the antique shop whose roof he was on.

The shop's name was Uncle's Rare Finds.

"Oh, bad day." Jackie said the moment he opened up the door.

"You have _**NO**_ idea." The Sky Demon told him, grinning evilly.


	9. Meetings of Different Sorts, Pt 1

**Author's note:**

**Woops! I messed up and wrote Capt. Black's name wrong! Luckily a fan pointed it out. Thanks a ton, fire-dragonz. I gotta be more careful. The right changes HAVE been made!**

**Now, on with the story!**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

MEETINGS OF DIFFERENT SORTS, PT.1

Jade was aware that she had finally stopped moving. She was somewhere deep below ground, and in Dai Gui the Earth Demon's clutches, trapped in his hands.

"Lemme out!" She shouted, frightened. She kicked at his hands, but did no damage at all. Dai Gui chuckled, amused by her spunk.

"Don't bother. You can't get out. And if you try to…well, I plan on killing you anyway, but if you did try to, I would crush your bones one by one."

Jade gulped, frightened. "What do you want with me?" She said, scared.

Dai Gui was currently in one of his tunnels, looking down at his hands, aware of how easily the girl fit inside of them. She was cupped and trapped in them the way a child might trap a firefly or another bug in its hands. Dai Gui smiled a little, a cruel smile.

"Revenge of course. It is quite cold beneath the Earth, and you know what they say about revenge, girl. I am going to kill you for ruining everything for us demons. If you hadn't escaped the changes made by the Book of Ages, and if you hadn't brought those chi ingredients to that wizard, Dai Gui would have been free a long time ago."

"Wh-what are you going to do with me?" She asked, her voice smaller. Jade was suddenly feeling VERY scared. She was slightly claustrophobic, and it was getting worse, especially knowing that she was in not just in some closet but trapped in a DEMON'S hands.

Dai Gui laughed. "Heh-heh-heh. I'm going to crush you, earthworm." He said. "I'm going to crush you in my hands and lick your remains free from them. Dai Gui shall have his revenge. It will be slow, painful…and not quick, oh no. Dai Gui does not think it will be quick at all."

He laughed again. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I wonder how your family will react to that?"

Jade was completely silent.

"What, nothing to say, child? Why not? Come on, say something. Why not speak?"

The Earth Demon brought his hands closer to his face. Hearing something faint, he opened them slightly, just so he could see in. He peered inside.

She was curled up, sobbing into her arms, wanting to go home and be with her family. Though Jade was in some ways far more mature than her fellow peers, she was, at the end of the day, still a kid…and she was scared now. She wanted to go home.

Dai Gui looked down at the small girl that was crying in his clutches. He heard her faint, muffled cries and watched her body shake rhythmically every time she let out a sob. He suddenly felt odd. How…how delicate she was, how young and weak…and she seemed so very…so small…

Like a little mouse almost. A mouse caught in a trap.

Poor, poor thing, Dai Gui thought. "Poor little girl." He whispered.

So very small…

Jade stopped suddenly when she realized that Dai Gui was moving. She held her breath, waiting…then…

She was deposited carefully onto the ground. She looked around. She was in a huge underground cavern, with stalagmites and stalactites all over. There was a fairly large underground pool about ten yards away and quartz and other crystal-like rocks made up the roof of the cavern. And there were dozens of rock formations, impressive and formidable in appearance. It was actually very…well…beautiful, in a vaguely scary and imposing way.

"This is just a small part of my new kingdom. There are natural caverns and caves beneath your city's park. I shall put them to good use."

Jade turned around and saw Dai Gui looking down at her. He reached out and at the suggestion of one of his claws, she lifted her chin up to look at him.

"Do you want to know why I didn't hurt you?"

Jade said "Yes", gaining some of her courage back.

"I wasn't being fair." He said, trying to phrase it right, the words difficult. "I just…wasn't being fair to you. You…you are so small…you are only…just a child. You deserve a fair chance."

He let her go and pointed at the other side of the cavern. "That is the entrance to my new tunnel routes. They are very long. I am going to give you a chance. Hide in one of the tunnels, go find a cavern or a cave or a niche and hide there. If I cannot find you by the time sunset has come, then…then I will let you go free. But if I do find you…"

He kneeled down, looking right at her. The hot breath from his nostrils blasted her, sending some of her hair flying back. "I will still be merciful, and give you a fairly painless death, little mouse. I shall simply lift you up into the Earth, and then take my hands free from holding you. The Earth shall come down upon you and crush you like a grape. Very messy, but…but quick. You won't be in pain for more than a moment."

Jade gulped. She knew this was as nice as a demon could get. She nodded. "I'm uh…just gonna run now…" She said, taking off. "You do that." Dai Gui said, and he sat down, calmly waiting.

Jade ran.

She ran through the tunnels, taking every single fork she could find, not looking back. She ran hard and fast, so much so that she began to run out of steam quite quickly, and then after about five minutes of solid sprinting she found herself completely bushed. She staggered over to a niche in the wall and climbed inside. She curled up and took deep breaths.

"Calm down…just calm down…and…and take a rest…"

She closed her eyes and sighed…drifting off into unconsciousness.

Dai Gui had finished waiting. He calmly walked through the tunnels, eyes peered. "Come out, come, wherever you are, little mouse." He called out playfully.

Jade couldn't hear. She was fast asleep once more.

Jade was now aware that she was surrounded by darkness. And she was cold once again. She shivered and started walking forward, on nothingness. Then she tripped and fell…fell…fell…

_Suddenly something happened. She began to hover down towards a circle of light, gently descending, her body shimmering with a bright red aura. Then she was carefully deposited on the circle, and she looked around. Nothing…_

_Suddenly she got the chills again and shivered. Then she saw…him. The demon. He had a blanket. _

_He wrapped it around her shoulders. "Are you all right?" He asked her gently. "I wouldn't want you to be harmed in this vision."_

"_What do you want with me?" Jade asked, mustering up her courage. "You keep appearing every time something's about to happen, usually something bad." _

"_Something bad HAS happened, child. The demons have been released into the city. If it's citizens have any sense, they will abandon it so that they need not be harmed." _

"_Jackie and Uncle will banish them again!" Jade said defiantly. _

"_I doubt it, child." The demon said. "They won't be able to. They themselves are dealing with their own problems." _

_Jade gulped. "Whuh-what do you mean?" _

_The demon sighed. He withdrew a crystal ball from his cloak and held it up. "Look deep, child…little jewel. Look deep."_

_Jade looked into the crystal ball and saw a shadowy form approaching…one that was very familiar…bat wings…three spiky horns…claws…red eyes…_

"_Hsi Wu!" Jade said. _

"_Yes. He's looking for you, you know." _

_Jade took a step back. "Why?" She asked, confused._

_The demon shook his head. "I cannot say. I know little of what is in his heart. Only what is in his head. But…but I can sense the fear in you…though most of it is not a fear of me, but of the Demon of Earth, Dai Gui. Such a sad soul…"_

_  
"Sad soul? Him? He's a monster!"_

_The demon sighed sadly. "He's suffered much. He used to be different. They all were once different. Once they had…had a family. Three brothers lost. A mother too…and their greatest friends." _

"_Who?"_

"_They once knew innocence and happiness. It is because of their friends that they still remember what those feelings felt like. If not for the Chosen and for Shin…they would have utterly surrendered to their inner darkness a long time ago."_

_  
"Shin?"_

_  
"There is much you do not understand. In time you will. But do not fret over Dai Gui. He does not have it in him to kill a child, he is surprisingly soft, despite his appearance. Awake."_

_The demon reached for her and gently laid his hand upon her head. "Awake, dear child." He said softly… _

She awoke.

She looked outside of her niche. She crawled out…

Dai Gui was there, calmly waiting.

"Well, well. Look what Dai Gui has found."

Jade gulped and instinctively covered her head as Dai Gui reached for her…

All went dark. Then…she was in the park once more, being carefully placed on the ground. She turned around and saw Dai Gui smiling a little. "I found you ten minutes ago. It's been about one hour since sunrise…you're free to go, child." Jade blinked. "Really? I…I can go?" "Yes. If I was you, I would leave now, Jade Chan. Before I change my mind. Now if you will excuse me, I must continue to work on my kingdom."

He was about to go back down, but suddenly he stiffened a little, remembering something. "Um…one more thing. Don't…don't get involved with my brother. He's been hurt before. He might be the one who will hurt this time."

Dai Gui then jumped back into the hole he'd come out of and Jade could hear intense digging ensue, along with some humming. She shrugged and ran off, heading for home.

She'd lucked out! She was saved! Everything was going to be okay!

But when she reached it and opened up the door, a very unpleasant sight greeted her.

Her family had been rudely tied up to chairs, and several dozens priceless artifacts had been destroyed, scattered and ruined. Someone had gone on a wrecking spree. That someone had been Hsi Wu, the Sky Demon. The same demon who know looked right at Jade, grinning slyly.

Meanwhile, not too far away, about two blocks over…

Tso Lan waited calmly for the woman to pass by the alley. It was still quite early in the morning, few people were out in this particular spot of San Francisco. Unfortunately for the woman, SHE was in that particular spot, and so was Tso Lan.

She fiddled with a lock of her red, curly hair, twisting it slightly. She had a power-suit on, she was going to a business meeting and she had to be there in two hours. The earlier she got there, the better.

Therefore, because her mind was preoccupied with things like how to present her presentation to her superiors, and not on where she was or what could possibly be in the alley, she didn't see the pair of red eyes that gazed at her as she walked by…

Or the clawed hand that suddenly shot out, a glowing aura surrounding it.

She was yanked in by an invisible force, flying through the air…and suddenly she was in Tso Lan's clutches, one small hand over her mouth as a larger hand held her tightly. He looked down at her, tongue hovering just above her.

"You'll do nicely." He said to her, licking his lips. He raised her up, pulling the hand away from her mouth. The woman was about to scream when suddenly he pulled her forward, mandibles biting into her cheeks as his tongue went into her mouth. Her scream was muffled, and soon she felt herself getting weaker and weaker.

Tso Lan began to drain her of her succulent chi, the life energy that a soul always gave out. He drank of her savagely, his mandibles digging in deeply, drawing some blood as his tongue eagerly slurped up chi that he was sucking from his maw. The woman finally lost consciousness, and Tso Lan finally finished his meal. He dropped her on the ground, rubbing his belly.

"How delicious." He said. "I have not tasted such tasty chi in quite a while. Now then, where to next?"

Suddenly he stiffened. He could feel something there, watching him. He looked up…

His eyes widened at what he saw.

"It's…it's you…"

King stood up upon the roof, looking down with frighteningly chilling eyes.

"The Noble one…"

"Begone. Now. You've crippled her." King said, his voice barely repressing a silent fury. Tso Lan blinked slowly, then shrugged. "Such sympathy is a foolish trait. You waste it too easily, King."

"**I said leave**." King snarled horribly. "Taking delight in causing suffering is an even more undesirable trait." Tso Lan silently drifted away as King hopped down from the roof, picking the woman up. He waved a hand over her face and her eyes fluttered open. Her skin was turning grey, her eyes losing focus. She was going into a comatose, chi-depleted state.

"Hello, little human. It hurts, doesn't it?"

She barely managed to nod. King knelt down, close to her ear. "I'm going to end the pain. I promise you won't suffer."

A single tear fell down her cheek. He gently lowered his jaws down to her mouth and blew slightly into it. A faint trace of some liquid was sprayed out, like a kind of venom almost. The woman felt a twinge of dizziness as it went down her throat, then…nothing…

And then all was dark for the woman a few minutes later. King reached into her pocket and took out her wallet, looking for her license. Her current residence was located on it. He gently lifted the body of the woman up and jumped into the air onto the rooftops above, sprinting from roof to roof, his heart heavy with sorrow, and regret that there was not an easier way to punish the city of man…


	10. Meetings of Different Sorts, Pt 2

**CHAPTER NINE**

MEETINGS OF DIFFERENT SORTS, PT.2 

"It's…it's you!"

"Hello Jade. We meet again. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Hsi Wu said politely.

"Hsi Wu. You jerk." Jade spat out.

"You've grown older, I can tell. How long has it been? At least 3 years, so that makes you a…freshman in high school, am I right? Time flies when you're…" He glared at the tied-up Chans. "_Confined to a portal of eternal suffering_."

He was sitting on a plush red chair, but now he leaned back in it, spreading his arms. "But enough about me, Jade. Tell me…how have YOU been doing? I can smell Dai Gui's scent on you. Did he try to kill you? If you want I'll rip one of his horns off."

"I don't want any favors from a demon, especially one like _you_."

Hsi shook his head. "Aw, don't be like that, Jade. I just want to talk, honestly. And maybe more than that."

"You stay away from my niece!" Uncle shouted.

"Oh be silent, you dumb billy goat!" Hsi Wu snapped. "Or I will cut your arms off. I'm not going to kill her, just…well, make her my slave. It won't be so bad."

"You want a piece of Uncllllle?" Uncle said, growling angrily and bouncing up and down in his chair. "Uncle kick your demon ass!"

"Uncle, give it a rest, now is _not_ the time to be insulting the Sky Demon." Jackie said, trying to calm Uncle down before the old man got them all killed or worse.

Hsi Wu started snickering. "And I thought that the arguments _my_ family once had were bad. In any case, it really is good to see you Jade. I don't know why, but I felt I just had to come see you."

Jade stepped forward, stomping on the ground. Her face was lined with courage as she demanded "Let my family go!"

"Or what?" The Sky Demon asked, amused. "What exactly are you going to do? I'm stronger, faster and more adept at magic than you are, and you haven't got any talismans anymore, so…what will you do? Let them go or what?"

"Or…or…"

Jade looked down at the ground, feeling guilty that she couldn't think something up on the spot. Then she noticed that there was a small little ocarina made of jade next to an old tome nearby. She grabbed it and held it up. "Or I play this!"

Hsi Wu's eyes narrowed. "You've left me no choice then." He said stonily. Suddenly he barreled out of the chair and grabbed Jade, flying out the open door. "Jaaaaaaade!" Jackie shouted. "NO! BRING HER BACK!"

Jade squirmed and struggled, but she couldn't break free. Hsi Wu brought her to the top of a nearby roof and slightly tossed her down onto the ground, glaring. "Now stop making this harder than it has to be." He said angrily. "I'd rather not have to hurt you, Jade." "Tch. Yeah right!" Jade scoffed, secretly tucking the ocarina in her pocket. "You just like hurting people. You demons are all the same."

Suddenly Hsi Wu stiffened. Then he said something with amazing clarity and intensity.

"Demons are just people with different looks who are forced to walk in darkness, only that and nothing more."

Jade blinked. "Huh?"

"Shin used to say that. He told that to us and…and…why is my memory so fuzzy today? Grrr…"

"Shin?" Jade suddenly remembered. The demon had mentioned that Shin had been a best friend of the demons. "Who was he?"

"The Demon of Shadow. And that's all you need to know." Hsi Wu said, lifting her up to his face. He smiled nastily at her. "Now then, what AM I going to do with you? Oh I know…" He brushed a lock of hair free from her face. "Let's find a nicer spot than this to talk…I noticed a very nice beach nearby."

Jade struggled. "Lemme go!" "Now, now, temper temper little lady!" Hsi Wu said. With that he took off through the air, holding her tightly to his chest. She continued to struggle, but his grip was firm. Yet…it wasn't harsh. He honestly wasn't trying to hurt her. This made Jade worry. She had a bad feeling he might try something…

They touched down at the nearest beach, by an abandoned beach ball. It was in a "Restricted, Private Property" area, owned by some fancy citizen of San Francisco who wasn't in town at the moment. There was only one person there.

"Get lost!" Hsi snapped. "Hey wait…I know you!" Jade realized. "Cowboy Curtis? Is Pee-Wee with you?"

"I wish people would stop calling me that! AAAAUUUUHHH! I'm Morpheus! I was in The Matrix! I'm **cool** now! ARRRGGGHHH!" He shouted, running off, shaking his fist as he bolted away.

After a few moments of silence Hsi sighed in relief. "It is a lovely day out." He said, releasing her. "Now then, what was I-oh yes, I have to decide what to do with you. Hmm…decisions, decisions…"

"Don't kill me, please." Jade said. The words simply slipped out.

Hsi Wu snickered. "_Kill_ you? Why would I want to do that? I've been too preoccupied with seeing you to-"

He stopped himself. "Uh…oops. Um, you heard _nothing_!"

"Wait, you were thinking about me?" Jade asked. "Woah, déjà vu!"

"More than thinking." He said. "I…well…it's nothing I'm going to tell you about."

"Hsi Wu, you were looking at me funny when I blew you that kiss. The same kind of funny look you had when you were looking at that kid, that…that Chosen, Nick Grey."

Hsi Wu stiffened. "How do you know of him, Jade Chan?"

Jade rubbed the back of her head. "I kinda had this vision. I've been having a lot of them. In one vision I saw this kid and you were gonna use his body to escape from the place you were imprisoned in. Then I woke up before anything happened. I guess it must have worked…" She said that last bit with obvious disappointment.

"No, it didn't. He broke free and out of the realm. He has amazing powers, and this weird watch of his…"

"Wait, you know what a watch-oh, I told you. No, I told _Seymour_."

"Seymour is still me." He said. "Just a different name for my human form. I kind of like Seymour though, it's a decent name."

Jade scoffed. "How could you like anything human?"

"I liked Haruno. She was human." The Sky Demon immediately said.

Jade blinked. Haruno? Who was that?

Hsi's eyes clouded over and misted up. "Haruno was a wonderful Japanese girl who had moved to our town, she…she and I were…were a pair. We wanted to marry. I…I was taking her out to one of her favorite spots this one night and…oh, why am I telling you?!? You don't deserve to know."

Jade growled, struggling uselessly. "I said lemme GO!"

Hsi Wu shook his head. "No, I won't. I have plans for you." Jade didn't like the way he said that. "Puh-plans? Plans like…like what?"

Hsi Wu's eyes clouded over slightly with memory. "When you sent Drago back with Shendu, the two were fighting for quite a while. Eventually though, we decided to help our brother, since Drago had basically stolen some chi that had originally belonged to US. We stopped him and ripped the chi from him, and he reverted back to his normal, dragon state. We have a lot of fun torturing him and driving him insane…but the best fun we've had is using his memory to see into the future."

Jade blinked. "You can actually _do_ that?"

"Tso Lan knows many spells." Hsi Wu said proudly. "We all took turns as Tso Lan showed us, one by one, different memories in Drago's mind."

"Drago actually let you-" Jade stopped in mid-sentence when Hsi Wu gave her a look that said "What do YOU think"? She nodded. "Okay…never mind."

"Heh-heh." Hsi Wu chuckled. "What's so funny?"

Hsi Wu gave a nasty grin. "We managed to banish him to Hell." "You WHAT?!?" Hsi Wu shrugged nonchalantly. "We were tired of his whining and fighting with Shendu so we banished him to Hell. It was very fun…but I digress."

"So…what does all of this have to do with your plans for me?"

Hsi Wu smiled. "I asked to see his memories of YOU." Jade shivered. "Of…of me?" "Yesss. I have seen the future. When you grow up, you will be one of the loveliest, most radiant women I have ever seen. I could see your cunning soul through your future self's eyes…and you develop a keen mind, even keener than you have right now. Not to mention your magical power increases quite impressively."

Jade couldn't help it, she was indeed very proud of who she was supposed to become. She looked away, turning slightly red in the cheeks. Hsi Wu went on, eyes twinkling, a small smile dancing on his lips. He gently brushed her hair to one side. "For now, you are my slave, but when you are older…I will make you my bride, my mate. I will protect you and treasure you, and make sure that none can ever take you away and hurt you."

Jade blinked. "What?" She was confused. "You…you want to…" "Make you my mate when you are older." The Sky Demon told her. He positioned himself behind her and leaned in, whispering in her ear. "I don't intend to really hurt you. I will take very good care of you. And in time you will grow to desire me, just as I desire you." He suddenly licked her neck, and Jade immediately shivered.

Jade didn't know what to think. Yeah, she was frightened of Hsi Wu, and yet, his voice had no cruel ring to it. She believed him when he said he didn't want to hurt her…but was frightened that he desired her. Yet a part of her liked the way he held her.

"YOU."

Jade turned her head and saw another demonic form. This one rose from the water, with tentacles thrashing in the air. Bai Tsa, the Ocean Demon.

"Destroy her, brother!" She howled. "She's nothing but trouble."

Hsi Wu suddenly grabbed her and pulled her close. "No. I'm keeping her."

"As a slave?"

"Yes and…as…as…as bait. For the Chans. They'll come here to save her, I know they will. Then we'll wipe them out with one fell swoop."

"Oh no…" Jade whispered.

Meanwhile…

Jackie groaned and stood up. He'd managed to break free from the bonds and now Uncle and Tohru were all untied. He rubbed his sore head. "We…ugh…we need to find Jade and fast."

The TV had been left on. More depressing and frightening news.

"This just in…more priceless foreign artifacts from other places across the city are now under attack. The UN is up in arms, countless countries are at each other's throats, and the government is in a general hullabaloo. The president and vice president had THIS to say…"

"Da-doopady-derpa-derrr!"

"The president says "I never thought San Francisco would be the cause of so much cruelty."

"Da-derp-da-derr!"

"My heart goes out to the families of the victims."

"Derpa-derp-da-derp-derp! Da-derp-derr!"

"I will personally write a apologetic letter to them personally using my very own autopen!"

"Guess what? We're closing in one such place of "cultural destruction" now."

Ding-dong!

"Oh, bad day, bad day…"

"Sir, sir!" News crews by the handful pushed in, making the place even messier than before. "Did you get a good look at the vandals who did this?"

"What ethnicity were they?"

"Were they black males?"

"An Angry oriental gang?"

"Klansmen?"

"Or was it a terrorist attack?"

"Or was it some Puerto Rican guy?"

Uncle looked at Tohru. "Tohru…go make tea."

Tohru sighed and walked off, plodding. "Sigh…yes, sensei."

THE PAST…

Nick walked into the inn/bar with the demon kids and sat down with them at the counter. "The usual, I take it?" The bartender asked, disgust barely disguised when he spoke to Tchang Zu. "Indeed." He said. The other demon kids just ordered milk, save for Tso Lan, who wanted wine, Po Kong who asked for imported sake, and Shin, who asked for nothing at all.

The bartender looked at Nick and blinked. "Hey, you…you are a foreigner. Whuh-what are you doing here?" "He's a friend." Hsi Wu said. "Whaddya want? We got a tab that Father ends up paying every month."

"He doesn't mind you guys drinking?"

"No, Shin sneaks the money out of our dad's house every time he's doing his monthly parade."

"Huh? A parade?"

"He has the whole town do a parade in his honor, and he makes us and our mom go with him, and he has people do all sorts of stuff for him during that time. Usually he'll ask people to come over and suck his toes or fingers or something. One time he asked a girl to suck his-"

"Anyone seen my rooster?" A young man asked. He had black robes with a white symbol on the front, and a silver headband. He wore a gold ring around his finger. Shin turned red. "Uh…hi Dad."

Shin's dad looked at Shin. "Son, how are you doing?" "I'm fine. Lost your pet rooster again?" "He keeps running away." "Maybe if Mom didn't turn his feathers different colors so much…"

"You know as well as I do it doesn't hurt him. I may not have magical blood but I'm a scientist, and changing the pigments of his feathers has no effect whatsoever. Now, have any of you see-oh, a foreigner! A white foreigner!" "The white foreigner has a name you know." Nick grumbled.

Shin's dad blushed. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? I am Shin's father, my name is Zhen Wu." "Well I'm Nick Grey. Nice to meet you, Zhen." "You haven't seen my rooster, have you?" "Uh, nope. Sorry." "I'll look somewhere else. See you later!" He bowed and left the inn.

"I hope Dad doesn't find that rooster before Zhen does." Shendu muttered. "Who knows what he'd do?" "What _could_ he do?" Nick asked. Tso Lan sighed deeply, mournfully. "We are aware that…that dear Blossom is not our birth mother."

_So her name IS Blossom_!

"At least, she is not the birth mother to most of us, only to Xan, Shendu, Bai Tsa and Hsi Wu." Dai Gui growled angrily. "And we know Dad's done it with a lot of other women and has probably had a lot of illegitimate kids, a lot of bastards. But what can WE do?" "Dad's…uh…done it with men too." Tchang Zu said quietly. "And more than THAT!" Bai Tsa added in a disgusted tone. Xiao Fung grinned suddenly, then it faded quickly.

"So he's what some might call someone with "frequently used noods"." Nick wisecracked.

Everyone blinked. "Huh?" Xiao Fung said.

"You know, he's what some Native Americans might call "The Clan Canoe."

"Huh?" All of them looked at Nick with stupid expressions.

"Is he a…what's the term I heard from David that one time? Oh yeah. A man-slut?"

The kids all gasped. Tso Lan nodded. "Yes, he…he indeed would be considered a man-slut."

"Jeez, what a pervert." Nick thought out loud.

"What, for doing the act with men?" Shin asked.

"No, I don't have anything against gay people, my dad's best friend is gay."

"Gay?" Shin seemed confused.

"It used to mean cheerful back in America, but now it's a term for a homosexual." Nick explained.

"Oh, I see." Shin got it now. "Well if that is true, then I am…uh…" Shin looked nervous. He leaned in next to Nick. "I'm homosexual myself…gay, as it were."

Nick looked a bit surprised.

_Okay, a gay gothic demon with a very friendly disposition. THAT'S something you don't see everyday._

"Well, that's fine with me as long as you don't talk about your sex life with me. I think that kinda talk is gross. You know…"

"What?"

"You guys are…nicer than I thought you'd be. Nicer than I thought demons were supposed to be."

Shin gave him a sagacious smile.

"Demons are just people with different looks who are forced to walk in darkness, only that and nothing more."

Nick didn't say anything to that. Somehow, he couldn't. So instead he turned to the bartender. "For my drink, I'll just uh…can I just have some water?"

Silence.

Then…

"HA!"

"HA-HA-HA!"

"WOOP! HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

Nick blinked. "What's so funny?" He asked. Tchang Zu started laughing. He laughed so hard he fell of the stool he was on. "I can't believe you're asking for WATER! You want that, go to the well outside, man! Unless you want a REAL drink!" Po Kong sipped her sake. "Mmm…sure you don't want some?" "Naw, I'll just go get some water from outside." He stood up from the stool and walked outside…

BAM!

A flying cart hit the side of the inn, exploding. Nick held his arms up instinctively. He looked to see what had caused it.

No way…

"Oh...my...God."

He looked exactly like Shendu's human form, but…he had golden eyes, and he was sneering nastily as well. He held out his hand and another cart raised into the air, flying through the air and hitting a nearby building. A fairly large crowd had gathered to watch him. This Shendu lookalike was using levitation powers to throw stuff through the air, and obviously enjoying the whole ordeal.

BANG-BANG-BANG! There went several jars from a cart.

BOOM! There went the cart!

FWABOOM! There went a carriage.

MROOOWWW! That sicko just threw a cat into a tree! Nick was now angry. He started walking over to the look-alike as the jerk pointed at a nearby middle-aged woman who gasped in horror. The look-alike sneered.

"I can't wait to find out what a human hitting a building sounds like. I'll use you. You look plump, you should make a nice squishy sound I thin-"

"HEY!" Nick whacked his hand down. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!? Damaging other people's stuff was bad enough, but now doing it to pets? And trying to do it to humans? What's wrong with you?"

The look-alike growled. "What is wrong with ME? What is wrong with YOU, idiot?" He pointed at himself. "I am Xan, the strongest of the mighty lord Long Oah's children!" Nick pointed at himself. "And I am Nick Grey, not caring if you're the son of the Devil. Leave these people alone."

Hsi Wu stuck his head out of the inn. "Guys, look! It's Xan, and the new guy's getting into a fight with him!"

"What the heck?" The demon kids all ran out to see what was going on. Xan shoved Nick, angry. "You don't tell ME what to do, kid!" His eyes glowed. "Take this!" "DUCK!" Nick shouted to the people behind him. A beam of red energy shot from each eye at the same exact time, and Nick ducked just in time. Xan growled.

"Take THIS then!" He held up his hands. "BURN!" Bursts of flame shot from them. Nick jumped back, arching his own hand back. "You call that a flame? I'll show YOU a flame! BRING THE HEAT!" A burning fireball sprung up from his hand and he threw it at Xan, who batted it to the side. "You shall regret that, _**brat**_!" He rushed at Nick, jumping into the air. "**DIE**!"

Nick jumped up, right hand encased with a burning aura. "SHORYUKEN!" He shouted, slamming his fist into Xan's chin.

KABOOOOOOM!

He went flying through the air, spinning. But then he righted himself and zoomed down, spit flying slightly from his mouth, transforming slightly, fingernails becoming longer, sharper, teeth becoming fangs, hair becoming spikes, skin becoming scaly…

Nick held up his left hand. "Take this! DARKNESS HAND!"

FWOOOOM! A beam of black energy shot out. Xan simply swerved to the side, and a moment later barreled into Nick. Nick now had a demon on his body! Xan's dragon form looked exactly like Shendu's, only his scales were golden instead of bronze, and the horns were pointing down. He sneered, his large taloned feet pinning Nick down. The crowd screamed and drew back. The demon kids looked worried.

"We should have told Nick that Xan's reached demon maturity…" Bai Tsa remarked. "Guys, we should stop this." Shin said. He stepped forward. Suddenly Tso Lan grabbed his arm. "Wait…hold on."

Xan raised a clawed hand. "I'm going to rip your heart out." He said calmly. He thrust it down…

Nick swung his hand, desperate to ward off any blow…

CRACK!

"OWWWW!" Xan jumped off, shaking his hand madly, hopping up and down. "That HURT!" Nick rubbed his own hand, which was slightly sore, but only for a brief moment. He suddenly got down on one knee, taking up a running position. "Guys like you really piss me off!" Nick shouted. "Take this! ELECTRIC DASH!"

ZOOOMP! A blur of electricity later, Nick was behind Xan. Xan stood there, not moving…then he twitched, his body convulsing all over as he collasped, electricity sparking all over him. He was out of it, completely. Nick turned around and gave the demon kids and the crowd a two-fingered salute.

"How do you all like me NOW?" He asked, smiling broadly.

The crowd and the demon kids were silent at first. Then the crowd all rushed forward and grabbed Nick, hoisting him up, chanting.

"OUR HERO! OUR HERO! OUR HERO!"

They carried him around the area, cheering. The demon kids looked at Xan, snickering. Shendu walked over and spat on Xan's face. "F—k you, brother." He said viciously, sneering. Shin walked over to Nick after the crowd finally put him down, though they were still jumping up and down, celebrating. He raised his hand.

"Uh…high five?"

"You bet your butt that deserves a high five!" Nick said, giving Shin a high five.

They all walked off, talking excitedly. Nick felt very proud of what he'd just done, and the demon kids were ecstatic. They wanted to know all about Nick and how he'd done what he'd did.

"Well, let's go find somewhere private to talk. Know a place?"

Tso Lan nodded. "There is a very nice little clearing in the nearby forest, but the forest itself is tricky to navigate if you're new. But we all have the route memorized. We can talk there."

But they didn't know that Xan was not completely defeated. He stood up, growling, watching as they walked off. He clenched his clawed fists. "They…are…going to pay. Especially that little foreign piece of s—t. All I have to do is wait…just simply wait."

ELSEWHERE, MANY MILES AWAY…

"Something has happened."

"We sense it, Lo Pei.

"My comrade-in-arms, can you sense it as well?"

"Yes, I feel it…someone has interfered with the natural flow of time. Someone powerful."

"A being of darkness? A tool of evil?"

"…I cannot sense that. Only that it has disrupted the flow. We must find out what has caused this. We must think of what to do…fast."


	11. Bonding

**CHAPTER TEN**

BONDING

Nick carefully followed Tso Lan as they walked through a dense, oddly serene forest that was on top of a large hill. There was no path, all Nick could do was follow the tall boy and hope for the best. Eventually everyone reached a large open clearing, with several tree stumps and a few big rocks all around. Hsi Wu jumped onto a rock and lay back on it, looking up at the sky, which could be clearly seen. A tiny cloud puffed by above them all.

"Ahhh…nothing like a beautiful day in the forest." Hsi Wu said. "You know, there's a beautiful view of the valley over to the north about half a mile that way." He told Nick, pointing. "Who wants to tell a story this time?" Shendu asked. Shin scratched his head. "Well I told it last time." "Ooh, ooh, have Dai Gui tell one! I love his stories!" Po Kong hugged Dai Gui, who grinned and turned a little bit red. "Aw, it's nothing. I know how much you like bedtime stories." "How about having the new kid tell a story?" Xiao Fung suggested.

Tso Lan put his hands together and nodded. "Indeed. Tell us of the fantastic things you have in your country. Tell us what it is like in the west."

Nick nodded and sat down in the middle of the clearing, on a small smooth rock. "I made that." Bai Tsa said proudly. "I'm good with sculpting!" "She's a real artist." Tchang Zu admitted. "I don't like her sculptures that much, however she is an amazing painter." "And she's good at Calligraphy too, right?" Nick asked. "Yes! How did you know?" Bai Tsa asked, looking a little bit shyly at Nick.

Nick smiled. "I'll tell you later. Anyway, you wanna hear about my country?"

They all nodded. Xiao Fung drew his knees up to himself and smiled broadly. It wasn't a pleasant-looking smile because he was so frog-like, but the purpose behind it was nice, and that made the smile nice as well.

Nick nodded and let out a long whistle. "Wooo…where to start? I guess at the beginning. I'll tell you how my country was founded. It's across the ocean that my country calls the Atlantic, far to the west. It's in what will be called the New World, and it goes by the name America. There ain't nowhere else in the world I wanna live in…well, maybe Canada someday."

They all blinked. _Will_ be called?

"It all started when people in England wanted to live somewhere where they wouldn't be persecuted for their beliefs. They traveled across the ocean and came to America. Although they had some nasty skirmishes with the natives, a group of the natives eventually helped the settlers out during a rough time in their lives at the colony they'd recently founded. So they lived to tell the tale of how they came to be in the country they were in. Soon more towns and villages sprung up, and more people sailed over. But the colonies, and there were thirteen of them, soon got involved in a war that was between the countries of Britain and France. Britain, the colony's mother country, won. But then they began to tax the colonies unfairly, without representation. Then skirmishes broke out. Finally it happened!"

"What happened?"

"A group of patriots that would become known as the Founding Fathers drafted a document that stated…"

He recited it with perfect clarity. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. That they are endowed with by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

Shin blinked. "Whuh…wooooow. You know, I wish we had that here. You know, a single day of freedom is worth a million days of being in a gilded cage!"

Nick looked at Shin. "Really? I think so too. Anyway, the Founding Fathers, with their Declaration of Independence, stated that they were no longer subject to the whims of the British crown. And after a long war of revolution, America managed to defeat the mother country, which was the strongest power around of that time."

Everyone let out "oohs" and "ahhs".

"America sounds cool."

"It is. But it gets better. Time passed, and advances were made in technology…"

Nick told the story of America as best he knew, talking about all of the advances that the states had made. Then he finished and looked at all of them.

"And that's how America was made."

They all blinked. Finally Tso Lan spoke. "These events…they…they occurred when?" "Not for a LONG time. Not yet. I'm from the future. That's why my clothes are different."

They all gasped, save for Shin, who shrugged. "I kinda expected that. Your aura's not just unique, it's got…traces of something odd in it."

"Huh? What's an aura exactly?"

"You know what chi is?"

"Huh?"

"A soul?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Your aura is the shining power that your soul gives off. All things have an aura. But living creatures have a stronger one than non-living things, and things with magic have even stronger auras still!"

"That makes sense." Nick said, getting it.

Tso Lan explained calmly. "But an aura is not just a way to tell if a person is magical or powerful. It is a part of your soul. And your soul reveals what you've been through, and tells a bit about your spiritual connection. Just as your heart reveals your true nature and your emotions, the soul reveals the connection you have to the spiritual and magical realm. The mind connects you to reality and the rational world, your body to the Earth, your soul or spirit to the spiritual, and your heart…your heart is all you, all unique."

Nick nodded. "Okay, I get it. Hey, wanna hear a song?" "Huh?" "This thing on my wrist? It's called a watch. Most watches just tell you what time it is. But mine is really special. It has songs on it. Wanna hear a song?" "Sure!" Hsi Wu said. "I love music!" Tso Lan said, smiling slightly. "Play something meaningful." Shendu requested. "Something that anyone could relate to."

Nick nodded. "Okay, how about…this?"

Nick pressed a few buttons on the watch, and a song began to play.

**BGM: Baby, Now That I've Found You, by Alison Krauss**

Nick put it on "karaoke mode". He decided "I think I'LL sing to it."

"This is a song by Alison Krauss. I'll sing it to you, and uh, I hope you'll like it!" He cleared his throat.

_Bayyyby…now that I've found you I won't letcha go…I built my world around you, I need you so…baby even though…you don't need me noooowwwww… _

_Bayyyby…now that I've found you I won't letcha go…I built my world around you, I need you so…baby even though…you don't need me…you don't need me, no, noooo! Hmm, hmm, hmmm!_

_Baby, baby, when first we met, I knew in this heart of miiiine…that you were someone I couldn't forget, I'd sit by…and I'd bide my time! _

_Spent my life looking for that somebody…to make me feel like yoouuuu! Now you tell me that you wanna leave me…but darling, I just can't let yoooooooooooo-ooohh-oouuu! _

Nick mock-played a guitar in the air, and strummed. Suddenly the violin in the song began to play. Tso Lan's ears perked up.

"It's…that sound…so beautiful…what is this sound?"

"It's a violin."

"A…a violin? Violin…I've got to get one!"

_Baby, baby, when first we met, I knew in this heart of miiiine…that you were someone I couldn't forget, I'd sit by…and I'd bide my time! _

_Spent my life looking for that somebody…to make me feel like yoouuuu! Now you tell me that you wanna leave me…but darling, I just can't let yoooooooooooo-ooohh-oouuu!_

Suddenly Dai Gui sang out. "Now that I've found you…I built my world around you!"

"Right, like that!" _I need you so…baby even though…you don't need me noooowwwww…_

_Bayyyby…now that I've found you I won't letcha go…I built my world around you, I need you so…baby even though…you don't need me…you don't need me, no, noooo! Hmm, hmm, hmmm!_

_Hmm, hmm, hmmm!_

_Hmm, hmm… hmmm!_

(Music ends.)

The demons all stared at Nick. Then Shin began to slow clap. Soon the others followed. Hsi Wu whistled. "That was wonderful!" Bai Tsa said. "Hey, could you tell us about that other stringed thing we heard?"

Nick thought about this…and about that Book of Ages he had in his backpack. Hmm…

"I can do more then tell." Nick said, smiling a little. He put his backpack down and reached into it.

He knew exactly what to write….

A WEEK LATER…

Hsi Wu ran out of the door and waved goodbye to "Blossom". "Goodbye mother! I'll see you this afternoon!"

Blossom smiled warmly at her soon and waved back. Long Oah emerged from behind her and watched as Hsi Wu ran off to join his brothers and sisters as they ran off towards the forest. "How odd. Why do they wish to leave the house so quickly nowadays? Usually they'd fight each other in the pond in the backyard or something." "They said they have a new friend who they want to play with today. Apparently he's got magical abilities." "A son of a demon sorcerer? A demon?" "No, human. But magical all the same." "Hmm…"

In the forest, Nick was waiting. To say he'd been fiddling around with the time-stream would have been an understatement. He was TOTALLY screwing around with it. How?

There was now a nice-looking New England home, NICK'S home, in the center of the forest, in the clearing, just behind the ring of rocks and stumps. Nick had a guitar now, a hammock, various musical instruments AND a bicycle, all because of his changes to the Book of Ages. AND, to top it off, Nick had recently put in a television so that he could show them all a movie he'd always wanted to see: South Park, Bigger, Longer and Uncut.

Or, at least, he WOULD have watched it, if not for a little problem.

"OH MY GOD, MY _**STOMAAAACH**_!" Nick screamed from inside his bathroom.

"Don't worry, we'll tell you all about it when you get out!"

"**WAAAUUUGGH**!!!"

"Maybe he shouldn't have eaten those grilled cheeses…"

So unfortunately for Nick, he ended up missing out much of the serious swearing, like…

"YIKES." Shin gaped. "A$$-licker…"

"Piiiiig f--kerrrr…" Hsi Wu said in an awed tone.

"Uncle f—ka? Gee, all these swears and curses about things people can do…I think Dad's done them all." Shendu commented.

Basically, every time they came close to a part full of curse words, Nick got excited which agitated his stomach and then-

"OHHH GOD AAAARRGGHHH!"

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"YOU BASTARDS!"

The kids all burst into laughter.

"No, no, wait!" Shin shouted. "YIKES, he's still alive!"

"My _stomaaaach_…"

And so, Nick just stayed on the toilet until it was all outta his system, letting the kids watch the flick.

"So much for that." Shin groaned. Kenny had had his heart replaced with a baked potato.

"I think this movie is warping our fragile little minds." Dai Gui snickered.

"Hey Nick, are there really people like Kyle's mom where you come from?" Shin shouted as Nick sat on the toilet.

Nick looked down at the ground, a little bit ashamed. "Well…yeah…" He shouted back. "But they never started a war in MY world, honest!...not yet."

"Hey, is that Satan?"

"Wait, he's…what the?" Bai Tsa blinked a few times. "Oh, he's gay? Weird."

Shin looked nervous. "It's only a story, only a story…" He kept reminding himself.

_Yep. There are gonna be **SERIOUS** consequences to pay for what's happening now. _

But after the movie had ended and his stomach settled down, Nick didn't care about that as he lay on the hammock, guitar lying on the ground next to him. Despite the recent stomach problems he was really, really feeling good. Better yet, the demon kids were having a lot of fun at his new home, and he'd been playing songs with them. They had taken a liking to Alison Krauss. Today they were going to…oh, there they were!

"Guys! About time! Whassamatter with you?" Nick said in a tough "gangster" accent. Po Kong tossed him a glance. She was getting chubbier nowadays. Probably because Nick had introduced her to candy. "We came as fast as we could. We're ready to try it out!" "Okay then! Tso Lan…" Nick pointed at the violin, which was on the other side of his hammock. Tso Lan walked over and picked it up, and began to strum a few strings with his bow.

"Ready?" Nick asked the demon kids.

"Ready!" They all said back.

SOON…

Tso Lan was playing the violin solo to the song "Baby, Now That I've Found You", and soon it would be time for the kids to sing their parts. Nick was strumming the guitar, and he would nod at one of the kids every time it was time for them to sing their line.

"Baby, baby, when first we met…" Shendu sang.

"I knew in this heart of miiiine…" Tchang Zu sang.

"That you were someone I couldn't forget…" Po Kong sang.

"I'd sit by…and I'd bide my time!" Xiao Fung sang.

Now Bai Tsa sang. "Spent my life looking for that somebody…"

"To make me feel like yoouuuu!" Shin sang.

"Now you tell me that you wanna leave me…" Hsi Wu sang out, and then, all of them sang…

"But darling, I just can't let yoooooooooooo-ooohh-oouuu!"

Dai Gui sang out his line after waiting calmly. "Now that I've found yoouuuuu…"

"Good!"

"I built my world around you!"

Nick sang out the last lines.

_Bayyyby…now that I've found you I won't letcha go…I built my world around you, I need you so…baby even though…you don't need me…you don't need me, no, noooo! Hmm, hmm, hmmm!_

_Hmm, hmm, hmmm!_

_Hmm, hmm… hmmm!_

Nick put down the guitar and clapped. "That was wonderful guys! Now I'm gonna teach you a new song. It's also by Alison Krauss. It's called "Every Time You Say Goodbye". Now listen carefully."

Nick pressed a few buttons on his watch, then selected "Play". The music began.

**BGM: Every Time You Say Goodbye, by Alison Krauss**

_Look at the sky, baby…what's do you see? Looks like tears that I've criiiiiiied…_

_Fallin' down, like raaain on the ground…every time you say goodbye!_

_Take a look around now, why don't you feeeel…the way that cold wind stings at niiiiight!_

_And your wishing star's like an arrow through the heart…every time you say goodbye! _

_There's a restless feeling knocking at my door todaaaay…there's a shadow hanging 'round my garden gaaaate…_

_I read between the lines of words you __can't__ disguise…love has gone away…put these teaaars in my eyyyyyyes! _

_Look at the sky baby, see how it criiies…ain't it just like my teeeaaaaars…falling down, like raaain on the ground…every time you say goodbye! _

The violin played, and Tso Lan listened intently, loving every stoke of the bow, feeling himself rise higher and higher into a kind of peace with every single note, already picturing how he would play this tune.

_There's a restless feeling knocking at my door todaaaay…and there's a shadow hanging 'round my garden gaaaate…_

_I read between the lines of words you __can't__ disguise…love has gone away…put these teaaars in my eyyyyyyes!_

_There's a restless feeling knocking at my door todaaaay…and there's a shadow hanging 'round my garden gaaaate…_

_I read between the lines of words you __can't__ disguise…love has gone away…put these teaaars in my eyyyyyyes!_

The music eventually ended. The kids all clapped. Nick bowed. "It's nothing, it's nothing." "Man, you're so lucky." Hsi Wu said. "You've got everything you could ever want." "Nah…what I want…what I REALLY want…I can't just, just HAVE. It has to be earned." "Like what?" Shendu asked. "Like uh…love?" Shin guessed. "Yes, like love! Love has to come from the heart, be it love for a friend, for a brother…"

Nick's eyes clouded over with memory at the thought.

"Or…or from your girlfriend." Hsi Wu sighed. "I wish I had a girlfriend…" "What about that Haruno girl who you keep sneaking shy smiles at every time you walk by her house in town? That girl who moved from Japan?" Shin asked. "She _likes_ you."

Hsi Wu turned beet red. "I'm not in love! Dad would kill me if he found out, and Haruno's father just moved here two weeks ago and he doesn't know who our father is." "He will in three weeks when Dad does his parade..." Shendu said, bitterness entering his voice.

Hsi Wu snorted. "Yeah, well as far as he and Haruno knows, I'm simply Hsi Wu, son of an ordinary peasant who carts produce to town for a living, and I have a big family." "I _know_ she likes you." Shin said. "I turned invisible and snuck into her room through her window. She writes poems about you. She says you have a smile that makes the room light up like a sunrise and that your golden brown eyes are the most beautiful gems in all of the town."

Hsi Wu blinked. "She…she said that about me? I think _her_ eyes are the most beautiful gems in all of town…and she lights up the night brighter than any star, brighter than the moon…"

"Ooh, Hsi Wu's in loooooove!" Tchang Zu sang out, snickering. Xiao Fung sniggered as well. He was already forming a prank in his mind to play on his brother. Nick smiled.

"Well then, you two should go on a date!" He told the Sky Demon.

"A what?" Hsi Wu raised an eyebrow.

"An outing! A get-together! You know, find some way to have fun!"

"Well, there is this beautiful lake a few miles down the road…"

"That's a good first start."

Bai Tsa's eyes glimmered. "Ask her if she'd like to go for a swim, that's always sexy…"

"_Hey_!" Nick exclaimed. Then he recited a brief poem from a favorite movie of his. "Before you do it, you must go through it…"

"Or else our mother blew it." Tso Lan finished.

"Like Dad would care." Shendu snarled ."He's the worst of the worst. He whipped me this morning for snapping at him."

"You shouldn't talk back to him." Nick said. "He seems like the kinda jerk who takes no gruff from his kids."

"No I mean, LITERALLY snapping at him. I went demon form on him."

"…………_oh_."

"But I can't hold a candle up to Dad when he's in one of his bad moods…"

"When we were made, God musta looked away." Hsi Wu muttered. Nick raised an eyebrow. "Now what makes you say THAT?"

"God doesn't care about people like us. We are pariahs. Outcasts." Tso Lan explained. "And he gets his strength from this."

Nick blinked a few times. "Uh…what?"

Tso Lan sighed. "Allow me to explain more fully…God is still angry with people over something that happened many, many, MANY eons ago. He just can't get over it…"

"Because he's a big fat pussy!" Tchang Zu spat.

"And so He makes it His job to punish us by giving us happiness and then taking it away. He loves to drink the sweet milk of our tears. This is what gives God his power…tears of people who suffer, be they guilty or innocent. He only cares about allowing evil for his own benefit."

Nick made a "WTF?" face. "That is **NOT** how it works, darn it!" He shouted.

"Well if it's not, and if this so-called-God really DOES care about people, why does he let Dad whip us?" Dai Gui asked.

Nick blinked. "Wait…he actually WHIPPED you? Your own dad?" Shendu nodded, looking guilty. "Yeah. And that's not even the worst he can do." Nick was furious. He walked off.

"Where are you going?" Hsi Wu called out. "I'm going to have a little "**chat**" with your dad!" Nick hollered back, with some serious venom in the word "chat". "Nick, no! You don't know how bad he can be!" Bai Tsa shouted, with the rest of her family agreeing. Nick let out a snort. "How bad could he possibly be?"

FIFTEEN MINUTES, A WHIP AND A VERRRRY GOOD STUN SPELL LATER…

"Hey man, this is not cool."

"Now it puts the lotion on its skin."

"Mister, you better let me outta this pit _right now_!"

"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the whip again!"

"This is seriously screwed up! You better gimme back my clothes and lemme outta here!"

"IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE WHIP AGAIN!!!"

Nick was stuck in a deep pit, without any clothes on. At the top of the pit was Long Oah, who had lowered a basket that had a cup with some strange, goopy whitish gunk in it. There was a yapping dog next to him, barking. Long Oah was, oddly enough, not wearing anything but underwear and a dress that belonged to his wife, AND he had white makeup on that made him look like a mix between a Kabuki character and a china doll.

Nick groaned. "Fine, FINE! I'll put this stupid stuff on my arms!" He rubbed the stuff on his arms. "Now lemme outta this pit!"

"Now it puts the lotion in the basket."

"Lemme outta here, you freak-a-leek!"

"Put the lotion in the f--king basket!!!"

"FINE!" Nick put the cap back on the weird stuff and put it in the basket. "Your lotion's in the stupid basket! Now lemme outta here!"

TEN MORE MINUTES LATER…

"Nick? How'd it go?" Bai Tsa asked.

"_**I DON'T wanna talk about it**_." Nick snapped harshly, rubbing his arms, shivering. That had been SERIOUSLY screwed up.

"Did he stick you in The Pit?" Dai Gui asked. Nick blinked, then nodded embarrassingly. "Uh…yeah…"

"You've got some serious potential in you. You could easily…um…what's the term?"

"Kick his butt?"

"Right! Kick his butt if you wanted to and had some training." "What kind?"

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

"Daaaaad?"

"What is it?" Long Oah snapped. He was rubbing his breasts against a mirror. "Oh, I would SO do me if I was a woman…"

"Daaaad?"

"WHAT!?!" He snarled, turning around, horns poking up from his head for a moment, eyes becoming pure red. Shendu shrunk slightly. "Um…can we go to the dojo? The one in town that you bought a few months back?"

"Yeah, that place? It was dirt cheap too, heh-heh…I love it when prices go down."

"Yeah, killing off the previous owners will do that. Um…can we go there and practice our martial arts skills?"

Long Oah turned around and gave a quick nod. "Fine. Just don't come back until supper. Daddy's got a lot of work to do. I have to go find some supple-skinned women to skin and make a woman costume out of."

But by the time Shendu had heard the words "Don't come back until supper" he'd run out. Long Oah however, kept on ranting about how wonderful he would look once he would have a vagina.

And so, at the dojo in town…

The dojo had a large ring of stones circling around a huge slightly-elevated platform for sparring. This was in the main courtyard. Inside the dojo was a shrine to the Immortals and to the Chinese Zodiac. Outside in the courtyard were statues of the Zodiac animals and the walls around the courtyard of the dojo were painted with the entire legend of the Zodiac.

Nick faced Xan down. The annoyingly nasty younger brother of Xan also happened to be the best fighter out of all of them. And if Nick was going to learn ANY moves, he'd have to learn them from Xan, since none of the others knew enough.

"Now, what's the deal again?" Xan asked, voice sickeningly sweet. Nick groaned and repeated what he had been told to say. "You teach me all the moves you know and in exchange I have to be your "dog" for three weeks. And I have to dance around you and praise you every time you enter a room I'm in."

Xan nodded firmly. "Good. Now then, we'll start with the simplest stuff. You're here because while your magical power is strong and your strength and endurance are great, your agility, speed and martial arts skills leave much to be desired. So first I'm going to show you how to manipulate your aura into helping you run fast. VERY fast."

There was a nice pool on the left hand side of the courtyard, a big Koi pond filled with fish. And on the right hand side were punching bags of various sizes and other training equipment. It was over to the pool that Xan went. He flicked his ponytail back and turned to Nick. "Now watch. You have to focus."

Xan took in a deep breath and held his hands together. He began to hum. Nick could see his feet were being surrounded by swirling air, which soon glowed black. Then Xan bolted towards the pool. Nick gasped as he literally ran right across it, kicking up small bursts of water from the pool with each step, which were quick and light. He was almost skipping on the water. He finally jumped and landed right on the other side of the pool and turned around, the aura vanishing from his feet. "Now then…you try."

Nick shrugged. He walked over to the pool and concentrated. "Okay, focus it on my feet, focus it on my feet…my feet…"

He hummed, trying to imagine in his head his aura flowing in him to his feet, brow furrowed in deep concentration. Finally he looked down. They were glowing with a rainbow-like aura!

"Go, go!" Hsi Wu shouted. Nick did. Arms stretched out, he quickly tapped across the pool, tap-tap-tap-tap-tapping until, only a foot away from the edge…

SPLOSH!

He fell into the koi pond. He surfaced and spat out some pond water as a koi fish bumped into him. Xan was laughing his head off.

"HA-HA-HA! Oh boy, you're going to need some practice! And you ALMOST had it too, ha-ha-ha!"

"He's so cute when he's wet." Po Kong giggled. Nick turned beet red. "HEY! I have a girlfriend!"

"Well what's she got that I don't got?"

"Actually it's what she DOESN'T have that you have."

"Huh?" Then Po Kong looked down at her body. "Oh. Right. The fat."

"No, the huge boobs. For that reason alone I can like her. Now can we please move **on**?"

"Hey, what about _me_?" Bai Tsa asked, twirling her hair. Nick looked to the side. "Um, no offense, but whenever I look at your hair I think of tentacles, so…yeah." He turned to Tso Lan. "How does one use magic anyway?"

"Magic comes from different sources. Some invoke it from the power of the Elements, which come from the Earth. The elements are…well, a tool. A while ago, a man was killed with a shovel, and thanks to some clever thinking and some flies, the killer was put away when the flies hovered around the incriminating piece of evidence. Now picture the elements like that shovel…it can be USED for evil, but it itself is not evil. Not even darkness itself is evil."

"Because dark emotions make us human?...uh, no offense."

Tso shrugged. "No, you're right. We have a balance when it comes to the elements, otherwise all reality could spiral out of control…or so it's been said."

"Where else do people get magic from?"

"The magic of the soul, that which can be focused through concentration of the mind and body, is called by many names. If the power comes from your focus of the mind, it's chi. From the training of the body is ki. What you use is an aura that draws power from both…something not many can do. Hardly any can, in fact…"

"Cooooool."

"So there is soul magic, magic of the elements, but there are more forces, like that of the _Zoe_ and The _Void_…but for now…let's move on. No need to concentrate on those."

So they all decided to move on for now. "Now I'll show you how to do one of the greatest martial arts techniques of all. It is called "1000 Years of Death"."

Nick blinked. "Um…do they call it a Kancho in Japan?" He asked, remembering "Naruto".

The quote:

"_Konohagakure Village's Most Sacred and Most Sacred Technique!!! ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"_

_KABOOOOONG!_

"_**YAAAAAH**__!"_

The present:

Xan nodded. "Exactly. However you make it really, REALLY hurt by focusing your aura around your fingers. Now watch…"

Nick made a face as Xan demonstrated it on a dummy. The demon's hands glowed black and then he made his index finger extend, curling the rest of his fingers. He now looked like he was holding a gun almost. "This is called the Sign of the Tiger." Xan said. "Now watch." Then…

POINK!

KABOOOOM!

The dummy went flying through the air, blown away from the butt first. Nick gaped. "Oh WOW." He exclaimed. "Now YOU try." Xan told him, sneering. "Like to see you do better."

Nick went up to another dummy. All eyes were on him. He focused his aura once again, making the right hand gesture, the Sign of the Tiger. He closed his eyes and thrust up…

POINK!

**KRAKOOOOOWWW!!!**

The dummy exploded into a billion little pieces, all flying in every direction. Smoke rose up from Nick's hands as he blinked soot out of his eyes.

The demon kids gaped. Xan's mouth was a perfect "o" of surprise.

"Um…did I do well?" He asked.

Xan collected himself and grumbled. "Yeah, fine. Moving along."

FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER…

"Now then…"

Dai Gui and Nick were facing each other down. "I'm going to teach you some basic defense moves."

"Right, right." Nick said.

"Now then…watch." Dai Gui held up one curled fist. "North." He quickly lowered it. "South." He raised it up and to the left a bit. "Northwest." See where this was going? "Southwest." And finally: "Northeast. And you'll NEVER have to do Southeast. EVER. If someone tries to go for you on that part, slam your elbow down…"

Dai Gui demonstrated by slamming it down and to the right slightly. "Like THAT. Get it?"

"Right. Got it." Nick said.

Dai Gui nodded. "Right, now I'm going to attack you and tell you where to block, alright?"

"Ita vero." Nick said in Latin. "Yes indeed."

"North!" Dai Gui swung his fist. Nick blocked it.

"South!" Another swing. Nick blocked it once more.

"Northwest!"

Block.

"Southwest!"

Block.

"Northeast!"

Final block. Dai Gui nodded. "Good, good. But now I'm going to attack you and you'll have to deduce where I'm going to hit you from the angle at which my fist is coming. Do you believe you can do that?"

"I can try."

"THAT'S the spirit!" Dai Gui said cheerfully. "Usually you can tell by looking at the person's elbow, that gives away a lot. Sometimes they'll change at the last second, but if you get a person good and distracted and angry, then they won't be bothering with fancy stuff, they'll just be trying to flatten you and wipe the smirk offa your face."

"No problem. I can piss people off easy!"

"Piss people off?"

"Make them annoyed. REALLY annoyed. It's like a secret talent."

"Right, right."

"Are you SURE you wouldn't want to-" Po Kong began to say.

"Not interested, sorry." Nick interrupted. She and Bai Tsa sighed.

"Well, let's keep up the training!" Xan said. "Now, I'm going to charge you." He told Nick. "You simply have to survive for five minutes, long enough to show me the moves you have." He cracked his neck a few times and his eyes glowed brightly for a moment. "Let's go!"

**BGM: Montage, by Trey Parker, from Team America: World Police**

_The hour's approaching, just give it your best…  
You got to reach your prime!_

Xan throws a few punches and Nick barely dodges them.

_  
That's when you need to put yourself to the test,  
And show us a passage of time!_

Suddenly one clips his shoulder and he goes flying, hitting the ground. Xan laughs.

_We're gonna need a montage…_

Nick suddenly jumps up, kneeing Xan in the face.

_Montage!_

_Oh it takes a montage!_

_Montage!_

Now the scene cuts to the house. Nick is playing a rock song with the kids, and Shin is belting out some lyrics to some song.

_Sure a lot of things happing at once,  
Show everyone what's going on…_

"What's going on?" Shin suddenly asks as Nick's doing push-ups back at the dojo.

_And when every shot you show a little improvement…  
To show it all would take too long…_

"Just go with it, dude!" Nick tell him, returning to the push-ups.

_That's called a montage!_

_Montage!_

_Oh we want montage!_

_Montage!_

Nick is facing an animated dummy brought to life by magic. It staggers at him but he delivers a flurry of strong punches, then his fist glows brightly and he slams it into the dummy's head. It's blown off instantly.

_Learn anything that you want to know…_

_from just a beginner to a pro!_

_You want a montage!_

_Montage!_

Hsi and Haruno are walking down the town road, holding hands.

_Even "Rocky" had a montage!  
_

_Montage!_

Long Oah whacks his wife in the kitchen as a frightened Shendu watches from a nearby doorway crack.

_Montage…montage!_

Nick is now facing Xan again. They take up fighting poses…

_Learn anything that you want to know…_

_From just a beginner to a pro…  
You want a montage!_

Xan rushes, delvering the same attacks he'd done before. Nick dodges them. Suddenly the shoulder-shot is delivered…

_Montage!_

_  
Oh it takes a montage!_

Nick grabs it, then lifts Xan up and over his head, tossing him. He jumps up in the air and strikes with a backhand strike with both hands, in an X-strike kind of move. Xan is knocked down to the ground.

Nick gives a two-fingered salute to the cheering kids.

_Always fade out in a montage…_

Scene's with Hsi and Haruno. The two lean in close, and gently kiss. It's fading out…

_If you fade out, it seem like more time has passed…_

_In a montage…_

_Montage…_

Now we're back at the dojo!

Nick was doing some aura exercises, getting the hang of water-walking. "Hey, this is pretty cool!" Nick said, walking off the water onto the ground again. "I wonder if I could-"

Suddenly Shin hollered "WHAT THE **HELL**!?!" and they all looked at Xiao, who was…um…

"Xiao Fung the Wind Demon of the East, what in the name of God's great Earth are you **DOING**!?!" Nick screamed.

Xiao Fung was thrusting himself against a shrubbery. "CAN'T…STOP…HUMPING!" He shouted. "AAA!!!"

Xan rubbed his chin. "Hmm…you must have hit puberty. Heh, I remember when I did. Hey wait…you shouldn't be old enough-oohhhhh!" His eyes widened. "You tried one of Father's "special" potions, didn't you?"

"All right, I admit it! Please, please just help me!" Xiao pleaded.

"_Mazel Tov_, you're now hormone addled." Nick laughed. To him it was so funny that the gross factor was almost nil.

"Help, **please**! I can't stop!" Xiao Fung begged.

Xan took his brother to the side. "Look, tonight me and the girls will show you what you gotta do. But for now, uh…could you, like, leave?"

Xiao ripped up the shrub and ran out of the dojo. Nick sighed.

"That was really decent of you to offer to help him. You know, you guys say you're not close to each other, but you really are." Nick told the kids after leaving the dojo. Xan blinked a few times. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Nick shrugged. "I mean, you've said you're not that close to each other but I think you really are, that you'd die for each other, that you'd really be there for each other if the chips were down."

They all looked at each other. "Really? You think so?" Bai Tsa asked. Nick nodded.

"Yeah! Love for your family is incredibly important! It can redeem people."

"Even if they have horns?" Tso Lan wondered wryly.

"Even if they have horns, a tail, and pure red eyes." Nick insisted. "Love does a lot."

"I don't know if I really care about these guys. In fact, I probably don't." Xan said simply. Dai Gui kicked him in the shin, and he hopped around, rubbing it, howling. Nick rolled his eyes. "Then play pretend."

They all looked at him. "Huhhh?"

"The more you play pretend, the better you'll become at doing something." Nick explained. "The more you play pretend, the closer you come to the real thing. You dress up as a doctor or pretend to be a father and you learn life skills for later on in life. So playing pretend prepares you. Just like praying "Our father who art in Heaven" is playing pretend, only instead of dressing up as a doctor…" Nick smiled. "As one of my favorite authors said, "You're dressing up as Christ"!"

Xan blinked a few times.

"And even if YOU don't care Xan, I know they do. I wish I had a relationship like you guys do with MY brother."

Shin rubbed his chin. "Right, we never heard you talk about YOUR family. What's your brother like?"

Nick looked a little nervous. He looked off to the side. "I…I uh…don't like to talk about him…I'd…I'd rather not talk about him at _all_, thanks." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm…I'm headin' off. See you later."

He waved goodbye and headed back on the path through the forest that would lead him to his home. He walked through the woods.

**BGM: When She Loved Me, as sung by Jordan Pruitt**

A gentle, persuasive wind blew the forest's trees. Leaves flowed all around him, onto his path and onto his side. But Nick wasn't paying attention to that…

As he walked, he became a little boy again. He was a kid once more, in his backyard…grass all around, a sprinkler on, wearing orange swimshorts and…

And Dave, grinning cheerfully, jumping around in the sprinkler.

(Nick laughs happily and joins in.)

_When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful!_

(The two brothers are splashing around in the sprinkler, laughing happily.)

_Every hour we spent together lives within my heart…_

(Dave is on his bed, crying. Nick walks over and mouths "what's wrong" but there's no audio. Dave sniffles and starts talking.)

_And when he was sad…_

_I was there to dry his tears…_

(Nick holds up some legoes, asking "Wanna play?" and David nods, smiling now, not crying so much.)

_And when he was happy, so was I…when heeee…loooved…meeee…_

(Nick and Dave are now playing with Legos, acting out big and grand adventures, all smiles.)

_Through the summer and the fall…we had each other, that was all…_

(Nick and Dave are on the school bus, laughing at some joke.)

_Just him and I together…like it was meant to be…_

(Nick walks Dave up to the school exit, hands around his shoulder.)

_And when he was lonely…I was there to comfort him…_

(Dave is alone at the house. Suddenly Nick walks in, late from some after-school thing. He grins and the two go to the playroom, making a racecar course with old-fashioned wooden block toys.)

_And I kneeeewww that…heeeeee loooved meeeeeeee…_

(Photos of Nick and Dave over the years of childhood, together, playing, fooling around. The last one is of Disneyland, when both are in front of a rollercoaster, grinning, surrounded by their family.)

_So the years went by…I stayed the same…_

(Nick and David are playing N64, smiling, older now. The doorbell rings. David gets up. Nick blinks David goes off to play with his friends outside.)

_He began to drift awaaaay…I was left alone._

(Nick sighs and turns off the N64. He walks out and asks something of David, who shakes his head. Nick walks back inside, looking unhappy.)

_Still I waited for the day…_

(Nick is alone in the back of the bus. David is up front with other kids.)

_When he'd say "IIIIII will always loooove yooouuuu"…_

(Nick is alone in his room, holding tightly onto a pillow. He buries his face in it, as the Disneyland picture on his lap flops to the ground.)

_Lonely and forgotten…never thought he'd look my way…_

(Nick walks in to see David, both are older now, at a time only half a year ago. David is visibly crying as he turns to look at Nick. Dad and Barbara are to the side of him.)

_I smiled and then I held him close…just like we used to do…_

(Nick smiles warmly and sits down on David's bed, putting his arm around him and holding him comfortingly.)

_When he looooved me…_

_When he looooved me…_

(David shoves him off, still crying. Nick looks taken aback, then he walks out of the room, silently.)

_When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful!_

(Dad and Barbara walk out, leaving David alone to himself. Dad says "You did the right thing" to Nick but there's no audio.)

_Every hour we spent together lives within my heart…_

(Nick walks into his room. It gets dark outside, night falls.)

_When heeeee…loooooved…meeeeeeee…_

(Nick is now in bed, tears falling freely, burying his face in his pillow as he cries himself to sleep.)

Scene cuts to present. Nick has stopped walking. He's crying silently. He wipes his nose and walks down the path again.

_I didn't forget the friend my brother was…_

_But he forgot __me__…_

_It's like he's not Dave anymore. Dave died 4, 5 years ago. Now I have David. Dave doesn't exist…_

_He's just…gone._

Nick walked into the house and got undressed up in his room, getting in bed and lying down under the covers. Across from him is a picture of a photo of him and David as little kids. Both are smiling and holding hands. Nick turns around and looks at the wall, closing his eyes, a tear splashing out.

"Maybe tomorrow will be better." He thought out loud.

AT LONG OAH'S HOUSE…

"Okay, Xiao Fung. Watch and learn." Xan said. "This is how the girls do it."

Bai Tsa and Po Kong were on their beds, naked. Xan and Xiao were sitting in chairs, watching. "Go ahead."

"After you remove your clothes, remember this:" Bai Tsa held up both hands, smiling in a nasty kinda way. "It's nice to share." She shoved them both down. "Now as for ME…" Po Kong held up a drumstick of a raw chicken. "Personally, I like a little exotic food-play, that always spices things up…"

She stuck the drumstick on down and there was a loud sizzling noise. Xiao Fung raised an eyebrow. A couple minutes later she took it out and it was fried and greasy. She took a bite out of it. "Ooh, yeah, that's fingerf—king gooood!"

Xiao Fung gaped. "Cripes."

"And sometimes…"

Bai Tsa put on a mask that looked like Shin's face and then held up a strange looking shaft-like object that was colored to look like a sword. Po Kong began swirling her breasts with one finger and licking them while the other hand grabbed a nearby lamp. "We like to lose ourselves in a little role-playing fantasy…"

"And then bring it all home with some FORCE!"

What occurred next was VERY, VERY, weird. I mean "It got weird, didn't it" kind of weird. As in Dr. Evil and Frau Fraubisenein weird.

"Oh yeah, Shinny! Oh, Shin! Do it, do it! Go! Go! Hear us, exploooaaa-la-la-la-la-laaaaa!"

KABOOOOOOOOOM!

There was a huge explosion that resulted from the weird roleplay. Xiao Fung and Xan were covered in soot. The two girls put their clothes back on and stood up.

"And THAT…is how we masturbate."

Xan turned to Xiao. "Okay, now I'm gonna show you how I do it. All you need is-"

"I'm gonna go to my room to figure myself out, thanks." Xiao Fung muttered, running off.

Xan shrugged. "Well, maybe tomorrow will be better."

Unfortunately for the kids of Blossom and Long Oah, things only got worse. Apparently Long Oah was becoming more and more abusive to his sons and daughters…

One day Nick was surprised by the Demon kids and all found them sullen, unhappy, miserable, and in some cases, hurt…badly.

Naturally, Nick asked them what had happened…

And each told a story…


	12. The End of Childhood, Pt1

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

THE END OF CHILDHOOD, PT.1

SHENDU'S STORY

It was my rite of passage. I had finally reached the demon age of 13, making me an "Adult". Every rite of passage is different for each of every single demon sorcerer family. Since I'm the first-born, I get the rite of passage that will eventually make me the strongest demon in the family…

Not that that will ever happen. Xan's probably going to kill me before that…

Nick, didn't you say your brother hates you? There is no way his dislike of you is as great as the one between my brother and I.

I know he hates me. I hate him too…well, not completely. I…I do wish he wouldn't be so cruel. In the beginning I tried to think of him as my beloved little brother, but…I couldn't. He was just…I couldn't take it. He was far too cruel to me. By nature of my birth alone, he decided that he hated me. I had stolen his birthright and he could never forgive me.

In any case, when I woke up early this morning, father said he had a special surprise for me. I was lead down to the grand hall. I passed by Bai Tsa's house and noticed that she was crying. I asked Father what was wrong, and he wouldn't tell me.

That alone told me enough.

We made it to the grand hall of our home. He had set up some kind of portal. I couldn't see into it. Father made me kneel, and then anointed me with special oil, telling me that now I was to undergo my rite of passage.

At first I felt excited, I mean, this meant I was destined to be special, powerful…I was happy.

Then when I did what he said, and stuck my head into the portal…

I changed my mind.

I have seen a lot. Things I should not have seen. I saw my father forcing himself on others, both men, women and…and animals. Then again, Xiao Fung's done such acts to things I dare not speak the names of. I have seen my brother Xan "playing" with unfortunate townsfolk that wander too close to our home. And…

And I saw Father whipping Dai Gui so badly the blood would have filled a tub, so badly that you could see bone.

But what I saw then was horrifying. I…I was shown what hell was like.

Thousands of people wailing, screaming, shrieking in what was obviously terrible agony. There were even children in there, not too many, but…but some…that frightened me.

Demons were laughing, cackling, torturing.

I saw the most disgusting things, the most horrifying things I'd ever seen.

People were being stretched, slowly cut up, eviscerated, vivisected…violated. And they were all wearing nothing. It…it was like some sick orgy of violence, sex and blood…

And the screaming…it permeated every thought in my mind. In fact, I WASN'T thinking.

All I could do was listen, and I couldn't move…I had to watch all of this unfold in front of me…

Then I saw him.

HIM.

He was looking at me. I…I couldn't take it.

I screamed and screamed as I felt my very soul being torn asunder, it-oh, I…I can't talk about it, it was too awful. It was like someone was peeling my bones out from my body, while still leaving me alive…

I was pulled out. I fell down and vomited, and lay there in my own vomit for what seemed to be ages.

Father just laughed, saying that that was the fate of those who allow themselves to be brought down by mortals or those who violated the Great Laws, committing the worst of sins.

He said that all evil mortals went there, and that because I was a demon, I would come to desire going there, so that I could torture and maim the wretched souls that were stuck there.

I was going to go to Hell.

I wanted to die. I asked my father to kill me. He said to ask my brother.

Nick…I don't…I don't feel so good…

TSO LAN'S STORY

I went to visit mother in her room. She was sick. Very sick. I could tell.

I opened up the door. I was just going in to cheer her up, tell her a few of the stories we'd been trading…

But when I opened the door, when I saw her on that bed, her entire aura was so…ravaged…

She glanced over her shoulder, and I saw her face was pale. Very, very pale. I asked her if anything was wrong, she told me that she was fine, but then she began to cough into a towel, and when I hopped onto the bed to get closer to her I saw it…

She was coughing blood. She…

She had the Consumption.

I was filled with terrible fear. She was my mother, she was all of our mothers, regardless of who really birthed us. She cared for us, loved us, sang to us before bed…well, if Father let her out of her room to do so. She took care of us when we were sick, and she was so happy for us when we told her that we had a new friend.

And now she was dying.

I tugged at her shoulder. I told her I knew much about medicine, I could help. But she shook her head.

She told me that she had been sick for a few days now, that was why she hadn't left the room. She knew she was going to die soon.

She turned around completely and looked into my eyes. She stroked my cheek and ruffled my hair. She said that my brothers and sisters and I would always be her family, not Long Oah.

She told me to remember that family came first, no matter what happened. And to always remember my friends.

I've never cried before. I…

I don't…don't like feeling this way…

I'll…I'll never cry ever again. I'll never feel again. If feeling means…means I have to be sad…if feeling means I have to cry, to watch people I care about die and to hurt when I see them hurt…

I don't want to hurt. I'll do whatever I can…

To make sure I never cry or feel again.

HSI WU'S STORY

As you know, I…I've been seeing Haruno. I first met her in the market. She was looking at some meat. I recommended the cow, it had been freshly slaughtered. She said she couldn't tell which piece was best, but with my demon senses of smell and sight it was easy. I picked out the heaviest, loveliest piece of meat and said to put it on our father's tab. Haruno was very grateful. She shook my hand.

She said my face was turning red. I think my face turned redder. I said I'd never held the hand of any girl before, not even my sister.

Then SHE turned red.

From then on, we were best friends, and more than that. We were, as you put it Nick, boyfriend and girlfriend.

We went for trips to the lake, mountain hikes, drank at the bar and chatted, we'd go for moonlit walks through the forest…

I'd play the flute for her. She had been given a flute to her as a gift from her father that he'd sent over to his brother.

She lives with her father, in case you didn't know.

She didn't know how to play.

She asked me to teach her, so that's where I've been at night…teaching her lessons.

I was so happy.

Then, last night, I was going to take her to her favorite lake, and I was going to fly her there, to show her my demon form. But when I came to her house, I-

I fuh-fuh found…that…that she was dying. She'd collapsed on the front porch, bleeding heavily from her head. I cradled her in my arms, and asked her what had happened.

She told me that she hadn't told her father who I was. Her father did even know she'd been seeing anyone. When he found out she WAS seeing someone, he had asked her who he was.

Tuh-to p-protect me, she…she said I was just an ordinary boy…

But her father was a noble. He wouldn't hear of it. She told him she loved me and that nothing would change it. He…he…

He struck her across the head with his stick and walked back inside, in a rage. Haruno had told me that he had hurt her several times before. I wasn't surprised that he'd hurt her, but I was horrified that he'd given her such a fatal wound…

I could see bone. I poked it a little…she grimaced. I told her I had a confession. I moved her to the grass. I stood back after gently lowering her to the ground…and I took my demon form. I told her what I was…

She just smiled and said she still loved me. I stood there for what seemed to be many, many minutes. Then I ran to her and embraced her. I felt hot tears slip down my cheek.

"Oh, Haruno…" I asked. "Do you truly mean it?"

"Yes." She said. "I always will."

"Please, don't leave me…please, hold on until we get to my brother Tso Lan, he can help-"

"I…I will always love you. And I'm proud…proud to have been able to know you." She said. "Promise me you'll find someone who will make you as happy as we made each other?" She begged.

I couldn't understand it. "Why? Don't you want me to never marry?" I asked, confused. She shook her head. "I just want…you…to be…happy."

She never said anything else.

Her father was surprised by my appearance. I cared little. I held him against the wall and calmly told him I was going to kill him just like he'd killed my beloved Haruno.

I tore his limbs off one by one, and then cut his throat open, freely drinking of his blood, ignoring his screams and pleas. I supped well upon him. When I'd finished I tossed the body to the wall and it hit it with a squelchy "plork" sound.

I walked outside and picked up my beloved Haruno. My wings took me to the top of a mountain whose top only I have reached. I buried her there. Then I returned to the house and disposed of the Father's body by utterly destroying the house.

But killing him did not bring Haruno back. None of us know of a spell that can bring back the dead.

I…I loved her. And she just wants me to be happy, even in death…

BAI TSA'S STORY

Father has always told me he loved me.

When I was little, that saying comforted me. Doesn't it comfort everyone?

But…then as I got older…I got scared.

He…

He didn't, that is…

He didn't love me in the way he should. I used to think it was good, my Daddy loves me.

But then he started doing things to me in the middle of the night that he usually did with Mommy. Nothing big, nothing I could point to that he…wanted to do THAT to me…

I found that out an hour before Shendu saw me. I was in my room, sleeping. Someone knocked on the door, and I sleepily said "come in"…

That proved to be a foolish mistake. Not that it mattered. Father would have come in anyway.

He wasn't wearing anything. At all.

I realized that when I heard him about two feet away from my bed. He was breathing heavily.

I looked him up and down. He looked flushed. I asked him what was going on, if anything was wrong…

He had a funny expression, a sick look in his eye.

He said nothing was wrong, everything was fine…

But then he jumped on the bed and began tearing at my clothes.

I was too weak. I couldn't fight back.

Oh…it HURT…it hurt so much…

I screamed only once though, then Long Oah covered my mouth with one hand and struck me with the other, knocking me out.

When I awoke, he…He was chuckling, and then he tried to…my _mouth_…

I won't say what else he did to me.

But I know this…I hate my father.

I want him dead.

DEAD.

Dammit, I want that son of a b---h dead!

DAI GUI'S STORY

I was reading to Po Kong in her room last night.

She's gotten quite heavy, in case you haven't noticed, but although her bed may sink into the pits of hell itself, I don't care. She's my sister, and I read to her.

I was reading her "Journey to the West". She loves that story. I had gotten to the part where Monkey was giving the dragon the…um, what's the term you use? Oh yes, "a beat-down".

Then she stopped me. She began to cry.

I asked her what was wrong. I hated seeing her cry.

She told me that Father had hit her because she'd been eating so much from the larder.

I hugged her and rocked her back and forth, telling her it would be alright. I can't stand anyone hurting my sister like that.

I confronted Father a few minutes later, demanding to know if he'd hurt her.

He laughed in my face and told me that he was in charge and that he'd do whatever he pleased.

I am frightened. I have not the strength to stand up to Father directly.

What am I to do? That is what I asked myself.

The next day I decided to do the only thing I could think of…I would surprise Father and kill him.

I went to the kitchen after going out to pick up some herbs…I know quite a few practical uses for the plants and flowers of the fields. Some of the most beautiful flowers in this forest can be ground up into the most painful and deadliest of poisons.

I mixed together the brightest of yellow flowers together with two berries of blue skin with big, red, juice-filled spots. Then I added bulging juice-filled green berries that clung to a purple flower.

Finished, I mixed in purple dye from grapes that would turn my mixture the color of harmless juice. I substituted it with Father's juice and left the kitchen…

When I returned, I found the glass empty. I was overjoyed. He should be around the kitchen, I thought, passed out.

I looked around…

But found no father.

I was surprised. I was even more surprised when I opened the closet and Father jumped out, pinning me to the floor in his demon form.

He had a whip. He knew all about what I had been planning. He had seen it from the closet.

He turned me on my back…

I think Shendu saw what happened…

…I…

I cannot speak any more…

PO KONG'S STORY 

I didn't always used to be heavy.

I used to be quite thin, actually. I liked snacking once in a while, but usually I didn't eat much at meals.

But…

Well, Father and my siblings…

We all get into fights. I do all I can to stop them. I can't usually reason with Father. But I usually do end up stopping my sibling's fights…

Then they insult me. And I…I just…

I just…I get so upset. And when I get upset, I can't help myself! I go and fix myself something to eat!

And I get upset so easily…Father is very cruel to me sometimes…once, he…he did to me what he did to Bai Tsa and many others…

Soon whenever I heard him fighting and hurting Blossom, our mother, I would just run to the cupboard with a few rice-ball in my hand, stuffing them down my throat…

Soon I was eating, eating, eating…and I couldn't. I began to fix all of my pains with food. And it's worked…

But now look at me. I must weigh…25 stone! Huh? You want that in what? Pounds? What are those, I've never heard of pounds.

Oh, you weigh 168 lbs? You are a slightly chubby, Nick. Hmm…I guess I weigh…three times more than you. Don't look at me like that, I'm not exaggerating! Not even my human form can hide most of my weight any more! YES I weigh more than I look! You should see my demon form. Unfortunately if I tried to take it, I'd crush everyone.

I just can't stop.

What?

"I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat"?…I…guess that's true…

It IS a vicious cycle…

TCHANG ZU'S STORY 

Most of us…okay, basically all of us hate Xan.

…yes, you guessed it, Nick. I'm not one of them. He…he IS my brother, and he and I are closer to each other than we are to anyone else. He doesn't want anyone to tell about what we do together. Um…

You uh…you know who first got me introduced to sake? Xan. And he taught me how to use my demon powers. He's…simply amazing. He knows so many spells! I wouldn't have any magical prowess today if not for him.

A few weeks ago I told him about you and he became interested. He wants to know all about the future. So that's why I've been late so often…I've been telling him stories. We swap stories, all right!?! There's nothing wrong with it!

Oh, you're not…you think its okay?

Gee, I…I didn't expect you to…well, it's just that normally, men don't…well, don't spend much time together, we're supposed to be DOING things, not, uh…what's the term you use?

"Hanging out"? Right. We don't hang out in this time. Well, we're not supposed to. But Xan and I do.

Not that we don't do things. We hunt, we fish, we drink together, we steal stuff from our Father's room…

I care about him. And I'm sure he cares about me…

But today he wasn't at the house. So I went to this lake we usually go to, where we trade stories.

I found him there, and he seemed preoccupied. He wouldn't look at me. He told me to leave him be.

I'm worried…

XIAO FUNG'S STORY 

I was never the popular one in the group. Everyone has always made fun of me because I'm essentially the…well…the "runt of the litter" as Tchang Zu has put it so very ELOQUENTLY.

People have mocked me behind my back all the time in the town, and here at home they do it to my face. No matter where I go, I'm made fun of.

In the town, it's because I'm ugly, unclean and I, according to what I've heard, "eat like a pig".

…and at home, it's ten times worse. I don't have anywhere where I feel good, except here.

And even that's not going to last. Because I…I heard things in town…

Some of the townsfolk are planning something. Whatever they're going to do, they're going to do it next week, at Father's parade. They'll probably kill us. Don't you think they'll kill us?

Yes, I'm nervous! I don't want to die! Yes, I don't have much to live for, but…

Oh, who am I kidding…I have nothing to live for.

Huh?

"Friendship?"

Who on Earth would-

Whuh-what? You…you think of me as your friend?

I…gee, I…I don't know what to say, Nick, I…I just, I've never…never had a friend…

…live for friendship, huh?

I…I guess I could give it a try…

NICK'S STORY

I listened to them all speak. Every single one of them, all those kids who were so young in appearance and yet so old inside…I did the only thing I could.

I held out my hand in friendship and asked them if they wanted to stay at my house for the night. They all said yes.

I know it sounds corny, but sometimes all you need is a little bit of friendship.

Life's funny that way, huh?


	13. The End of Childhood, Pt2

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

THE END OF CHILDHOOD, PT. 2

It had taken a night of sleeping over at Nick's house, but now the kids were all back to their normal, slightly evil, mostly harmless selves. But when they got home with Nick at their side, expecting an epic battle and or/shoutfest between them and their father…they found he was sitting proudly in a chair, and next to him was a completely naked, blond-haired, blind little boy. His face was soft, gentle…and radiated beauty and warmth.

Nick's eyes widened. Suddenly he shivered. It was the Willies. That kid…he looked so much, so very much like Charlie! Only his hair wasn't curly, but puffy…

"Meet Richard. He's your newest sibling."

All of them blinked in surprise. A new demon kid?

Long Oah stood up. "I'll leave you all alone." He said, a smug file still on his face. He walked off, singing something that Nick caught as "And the nun, what does she fear? Just the old monk, friend, just the old monk…".

Richard spoke up. He had a very soft voice, and he had a problem pronouncing his "r's". He sounded like Elmer Fudd in that way. "My daddy says you'we my family. Wight?"

Silence. Then…

"Uh, what?"

"Family. You'we my family, wight? I'm Wichawd. Nice to meet you. Daddy's weally nice, huh?"

Shendu snorted so hard he hurt his chest. A collective, cynical giggle rose from all of them, save for Nick, who walked over. "Hi! I'm Nick Grey. I'm a friend of your family's, and as of now, of yours!"

"Weally?" Richard asked, eyes widening. "Yep!" Nick told him, nodding. Richard hugged him. "Thanks! Thanks a wot!"

"Uh…could you put some clothes on?" Nick asked, feeling pretty weirded out by this whole experience.

"Uh…what aw cwothes?"

"Um…what you wear?"

"Huh? Um…what do you mean, mistah?"

"Just call me Nick."

"You'we pwetty tall."

Nick suddenly stiffened up, something in the back of his mind setting off an alarm bell. "Um…how can you tell that? You're…well…blind…"

"Daddy says I can only see in auwas fow now. He told me what auwas aw. Fwom what youws is giving off, I can tell what you wook like. "

Bai Tsa giggled. "Aw, he's so cuuuuute!" Tchang Zu rolled his eyes. "Great, another mouth to feed." He complained. Shendu snickered. Bai Tsa bounded up and down. "Ooh, ooh, can we keep him? Can we keep him?"

Nick scratched his head. This Richard kid…he was going to die if he found out he was a demon. Nick knew this. But…what would he be like if he DIDN'T die? Would…would he turn out as bad as his siblings would?

_Then again, with me here,_ Nick reasoned to himself, _I've been able to kinda keep them good deep down inside. Maybe I can help Richard here!_

A few hours later, they were all in town, except for Xan, who NEVER hung out with them. Richard regarded it with incredible interest, and insisted that his siblings tell him what EVERYTHING was. They did, although sometimes CERTAIN individuals (coughcoughXiaoFung,TchangZucougcough) took advantage of Richard's ignorance to deliberately say that certain things were for stuff they weren't…nasty stuff too.

"This is a fence. You wrap it around someone and then kick them down the hill and the fence protects them."

"Oooooh!"

"This is a cow. All cows are male. See, they have six penises!"

"Ohhhhhh!"

"And this are spices. You put lots and lots of them on your tongue and you gain the ability to breath fire."

Actually that last one actually worked. Luckily Bai Tsa extinguished Richard's burning tongue quickly, and after Dai Gui beat Tchang Zu and Xiao Fung up for their nasty little prank, they all decided to take Richard to see Shin after a few more days of showing Richard what the outside world was like. Nick told Richard stories as they walked around the fields and woods, stories about beautiful things he'd seen in Hawaii. It had made Richard cry, because he wouldn't be able to see the way Nick had seen.

Nick had given him a noogie, explaining what he was doing to the others as he did so. (They had no idea what a noogie was.) "Course you will! Someday! A good friend of mine told me "Everything will be alright". I still believe that. Just be sure to be a good person and not forget to relax and have fun once and a while. Here, come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride!"

They knew what THAT was!

Meanwhile, back in the Modern World…

The UN was in a state of disarray. The American representatives had left, boycotting the UN in protest because of the increasingly violent threats and anti-American statements. Now the Canadian representative was trying to get everyone's attention. This was a closed-door session, no cameras were allowed to tape what was being said or going on. Things had taken a turn for the worse when it was revealed that a prominent store owned by a rival of Uncle's (who happened to be Asian) had been attacked and the owner had been burnt alive along with his family. A savage crime, and apparently a hate crime against an Asian family who had been simple shop-keepers. Incidentally, a few had survived, but the doctors screwed up in the operating room while trying to save them. Apparently someone had cut the power in a "vandalism attempt", wrecking the doctor's ability to effectively operate on the victims, who died as a result.

The response from the rest of the world had been "YEAH, _RIGHT_!"

"Ah-hem! AH-HEM! Ladies and gentlemen of the United Nations! We…have a problem! A very, very big problem! And it's aboot time we did something aboot it, eh?!?" He roared, slamming his hands on the podium.

"Ah, yes, we are all SICK of those prig Americahns who do not respect our "culchair"!" The representative from France shouted as he stood up. "All ze do is say "If it wasn't for us, y'all would be speakin' German right now!"." The Frenchman put on a very convincing redneck voice for the quote. The room was filled with murmured agreements and nods of understanding.

The Mexican representative spoke up, looking very mad. "Si, si! And we over at Mexico are sick of Americans blaming us for the illegal immigrants going over the border. If those _bendejos_ in the American forces hadn't done so much to screw Central America over with their exploitation of our economies and their support of dictatorships that ran us all into the ground, we wouldn't' be in the crapper right now! They just don't give a _curaho_! Los illegos immagratos-" the rest of it was unintelligible ranting that not even the translators could keep up with.

The British representative had been silent for a long time. Finally she spoke.

**BGM: Blame Canada, from South Park, Bigger, Longer and Uncut**

"Times have changed, our kids are getting _worse_!  
They won't obey their parents, they just want to fight and curse!"

The Iranian rep spoke up. "Should we blame our governments?

The Canadian rep asked the question "Or blame society?"

Many others asked: "Or should we blame the images on TV?"

The British representative slammed her hands down and stood up, raising a fist.

"**NO**! Blame _America_! Blame America! For all their beady little eyes and big fat heads are full of **lies**!

The chant was being picked up. "Blame America, blame America!"

The British woman nodded. "We need to form a full assault… its **America's** fault!"

The Italian representative nodded sadly. "Don't blame me for my son's plan…he went over to America, and now he's in the Klan! And my sweet daughter Jill once had my picture on her shelf…but now when I see her she tells me "F—k yourself!"!!!"

The Japanese representative nodded. "See? Blame America, blame America! It seems that everything's gone wrong since America came along!"

"Blame America, blame America!"

The Israeli representative spoke up. "They're not even a real democracy  
anyway!"

"Good point."

"Uh-huh!"

As it were, the Grandmother whose son had been working with his father in the shop that had been attacked happened to be the representative of China.

"My son could have been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true…"

The Australian representative nodded sadly. "Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbeque!"

The UN was abuzz. "Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire?"

"_**NO**_! The doctors who allowed him to expire!"

"And _where_ are they from?"

"Blame America, blame America!"

The German rep was pissed too. "Yeah! With all their political hullabaloo…"

"And that b---h Ann Coulter too!" Someone shouted.

"_RIGHT_!"

The cry was rallied throughout the room now!

"Blame America, shame on Americaaaa! For the smut we must stuff, the  
trash we must bash, their laughter and fun must all be undone…we must blame them the cause of fuss before somebody thinks of blaming _uuuuuuussssss_!!!"

"Blame America!" The British representative shouted, raising her fist.

"BLAME AMERICA!"

(Music ends.)

Outside, a janitor gulped. "Hoo boy…good thing I look more Afghani than American…even though I'm actually from Minnesota."

Back in the past…

At the dojo, the kids had all agreed…they needed to test Richard's abilities, his power over light…AND to teach him some basic fighting skills.

"Okay…" Nick said, having conjured up some boxing gloves thanks to the Book of Ages. "Now put these on and we'll work our way up." Richard hesitantly put them on and looked them over. "They look funny." He remarked, or "remawked", as he would put it. Nick knocked their gloves together and stepped back. "Now keep one fist up to block your face, okay?" Richard did so. "Right, right. Always keep a good defense in your head."

Now he moved a bit closer, bouncing up and down. "Now, I'm gonna try to hit you in the chest. You just try and block, okay? I'm only gonna try to tap you, right?" Nick then let a blow fly, and it bonked Richard in the chest.

The Demon of Light went flying back into the wall opposite of them, groaning in horrible pain. Nick gulped. "Uh…oops. Sorry!" "Owwwwiiiieee…" Richard groaned. "That weally huwts…" He complained. "Wow, he's PATHETIC." Xan snickered. He'd come just to laugh at Richard. Nick stuck his tongue out at him and walked over, pulling him free.

"Okay, forget defense…let's try some offense." He suggested. "Now I'm just gonna stand still and you try to hit me." He told Richard after brushing him free of rubble. "Go ahead." Richard looked a bit nervous, but walked forward. "No, no, no!" Nick said. "You gotta have more OOMPTH. Show some anger!"

"Uh…whuh?"

"Get MAD. Come on! Lemme hear a war shout!"

Richard shrugged and tried to muster one up. "Uh…gwaaaahhhh?"

"Good enough." Nick said, shrugging. "Now come on! Attack me! Pretend I'm…uh…pretend I'm someone you really hate!" "But I don't hate anybody!" Richard protested. "Well…pretend…pretend I made blind jokes about you like Xan did-oop." Nick covered his mouth. Richard turned around to face Xan while the other kids ran to the side. "You…made…fun of me?" Richard asked, and Nick noticed his eyes were glinting angrily.

Xan let loose a nervous laugh. "Heh-heh…er…ha-ha…yeah…um…sorry?"

The gloves were BLOWN off by a burst of light as Richard lifted up into the air. It was a simply amazing sight! All of his clothes fell off of him save for a loincloth, and his body became covered in strange script that went up and down him. Two small wings burst forth from his back, delicate, angelic things that flapped rapidly. His hair whipped around, ALL of their hair did, he was generating a little whirlwind right around his body, and all the while glowing and shining brightly.

He lifted a hand at Xan, and suddenly an arrow of pure white energy "popped" into existence in front of it, flying forth at Xan, who ducked to the side, transforming into his demon form. He spat fire at Richard, who waved his hand in an arch, and a golden shield with a large set of wings popped up in front of him, taking the flame's fury.

Now annoyed, Xan jumped into the air, bringing his fists down at Richard, who darted to the side. Xan swung his fist again, but Richard kept darting here and there, avoiding the blows. "STAND-STILL!" Xan snarled, but to no avail. Finally Xan roared, and dug his claws into the ground, lifting up a huge chunk of earth and flinging it at Richard…

Who shattered it with a single kick.

"Whoa!" Nick gasped. "Richard's kickin' ass and takin' names!"

Xan snarled, rising up into the air. "You think you can beat ME?!? You little fool! I'm Demon of the Sun, light is a part of my strength as well!" With that, he held his clawed hands together and began to chant rapidly in Chinese, glowing like a burning sun that was sinking into the west. Richard however, didn't seem to care. While the others watched on, he held his hands up to the heavens and began to vocalize, a beautiful, crystal-clear sound, matching Xan's spell-casting.

Their lights grew brighter and brighter…TOO bright!

"LOOK AWAY!" Nick yelled, turning away, getting a glimpse of Shin, who was gasping in a mix of pain and horror as he suddenly ducked behind a wall, groaning horribly.

There was a huge explosion of light and sound as the two voices of Xan and Richard reached fever pitch, and then…as the dust settled…

Richard was there, body slowly floating to the ground. Nick, Shin and the others ran over to him, watching Xan twitch in pain as he reverted back to his human form. Nick couldn't resist…

"Lights out, junior!" He told Xan, pointing at him and grinning. "Ha! I'm a NATURAL at this stuff! And Richard, that stuff was frickin' A!" The others all nodded in agreement, saying how "amazing", "powerful" and "simply brilliant" their youngest sibling was. Richard blinked in stupidity. He had changed back to his normal self. "Uh…what was? How come Xan's on the gwound?"

They all looked at him. "You…really don't remember what just happened?" Shin asked carefully. Richard shook his head. Shin shrugged. "Well, that's alright. I'm gonna head home, I feel like someone just their horses over me…I think I'm going to need to lie down for a few weeks…"

Waving goodbye, Richard turned to Nick. "Hey…I'm hungwy." He stated simply.

"Okay…how about some ice cream?" Nick suggested.

"What's ice cweam?" Richard asked. The other demons were puzzled. Ice cream?

FIFTEEN MINUTES AND YET ANOTHER BLOW TO THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM LATER…

"Ha-ha! "What's ice cream" he said!" Nick chuckled. "How you likin' that Double Chocolate Chip, Po?"

"This…is…so…gooooood!" Po Kong sobbed in happiness.

"I will love you forever!" Tchang told Nick, almost crying. He was eating Chunky Monkey ice cream.

Tso was sipping on a milkshake along with Bai Tsa, Shendu was scarfing down Mint Chocolate chip, Xiao was eating Rocky Road and Richard and Nick were eating Cotton Candy ice cream.

"Gentlemen…and ladies…" Nick said, raising his bowl high. "A toast is in order!"

"Here, here!" Hsi Wu agreed, eating Bubble Gum ice cream and blowing bubbles with the little bubble gum chips.

"To Richard, and to a great life!" Nick shouted.

"_To Richard and a great life!" _

Eventually, there came a time to visit Shin's home. He'd sent them a message for them all to come as soon as they could. Interestingly enough, Nick had never actually been to Shin's house. When they arrived, Nick was surprised to find that it was a huge farm, with many, many acres of lush crops…but there was also a very interesting shack near the end of the property, with what looked like a pinwheel built into it. Hsi Wu knocked on the door.

"Hey! Shin! Open up! We got your message and-"

"Up here, everyone." Shin said. They all looked up and saw Shin was in a cherry tree above them all, holding a cherry blossom in his palm. He gently brushed it with a single finger.

"How fragile this flower is, like life itself." He told them, his voice soft and eerie. "How easily it can be taken…crushed…or simply…blow away, like dust in the wind, as life, happiness and joy can be shattered in the sins of the world…" With that he blew gently, and it soared through the air, finally spiraling down, landing on Richard's head. Nick brushed it off.

"Richard, this is Shin. Remember him from the dojo?"

"Uh…oh, yeah!" Richard smiled. "Hiii!"

"He's the Demon of Shadow." Tso Lan told him in a "matter of fact" way.

Richard blinked a few times, then gasped. "B-b-but he's-he's supposed to be…be c-c-created to-to-to-"

Nick knelt down to look directly at Richard. "Richard, I am going to tell you something, and I want you all to listen and take it to heart. Doing what you were created for and doing what you were MEANT for are two entirely different things. Understand?"

"………" Everyone was quiet, taking it in. Finally Shin spoke. "Have you been telling Richard any interesting stories?" He asked.

Nick nodded. "Oh yeah, we've all been telling him stories. I've told him stories from my country, Tchang Zu's been telling him ones about Greece, Hsi Wu knows stories about Native Americans…"

"And today I'm going to tell Richard, and all of you, the story of Job." Xiao Fung said. "It's my turn to tell one."

They all sat down where they were while Xiao Fung began to tell the story.

"Once there was a man called Job who was upright, noble, kind and friendly to all people. He had seven sons, three daughters and a loving, loyal wife. He donated to the poor, was fair and just to his employees, and was a devoted husband and father. All those who saw him said "Now this Job is a good man". Satan and God were arguing over whether Humanity was good at heart and loyal to God. God pointed to Job, citing him as a shining example of all humanity could be."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, go Job! He rocked."

"But Satan said "Don't be stupid! Job only worships you because you practically kiss his ass! You've given him everything! If he had nothing he'd curse your name!" God told Satan to test Job, to prove Satan wrong. Job's employees and his cattle were killed by roaming barbarians, his children were killed when Job's house collapsed on them, and a tornado ravaged his lands. Job was ultimately penniless, childless and alone, save for his wife. Job got down on his knees and prayed, saying that…"

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Nick interjected.

"Right!" Xiao Fung agreed. "Now Satan kept testing him, saying that if Job's physical condition, if his _health_ turned awful, he'd curse God. God allowed Satan to inflict Job with boils. Job was now sitting in ashes, scraping the horrible corruption off with pot shards. His wife told him to "Curse God and die", but Job insisted that God was still deserving of his praise. Then three of Job's friends came to visit, and soon a fourth came as well. They were Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar and Elihu. Their argument, save for Elihu, was basically the same."

"What was that?" Richard asked.

"That Job was being punished for some crime he committed." Xiao Fung told him. "Job had sinned, so he should confess his sin and pray for forgiveness. Job insisted to them that he had done no sin worthy of such horrific punishment, but…would not curse God's name. Elihu suggested that Job didn't have a "case" to make before God, because unless Job was better than God, he shouldn't ask why the world was run the way it was run. But Job did not listen to Elihu and complained that he was undeserving of the sin…and yet still insisted that God was worthy of praise."

"And so God said to Satan, "Up yours. Job is STILL my main man."

Everyone was quiet for a while. Then Tso Lan clapped. "Very good, very good story."

"Yeah, that was pwetty cool." Richard complimented.

Nick was annoyed, though, his face slightly twisted in anger and intense irritation. "That is **NOT** how it works, darn it!" He shouted. "That isn't how it happened!"

The others looked at him. "Well then what REALLY happened?" Tsao Fung asked in a smug manner. Nick stood up and took in a deep breath.

"Job began complaining. "What did I do to deserve this?" he asked the Heavens. And then God suddenly answered, describing all of the experiences He had had in creating the Earth. He told Job that Job had no idea how to ruin the physical world, so he shouldn't question God on spiritual matters of punishment and justice. Job had little experience with how the world was run, how could HE tell GOD how to do his job when he didn't have even the tiniest fraction of power that God had? Job had no idea how incredible God's responsibility to the world was, and let's face it: sometimes natural disasters just happen. But these disasters enable people to grow and learn from them, just as they learn from their mistakes. Finally God told Job "I made the World, and I don't have to take nothing from nobody". Job immediately asked for forgiveness for whining so much. God granted it, and gave Job back his health, wealth, ten new children among whom the daughters were the most beautiful in the land, and Job lived a good, holy life to a ripe old age, his faith rewarded and Satan disproved. Job's wife Sitis, however, cursed God and died, so Job remarried and lived happily ever after."

Everyone was silent for a while. Then Bai Tsa spoke up.

"So…she took her own advice?"

"Yep. And she missed out on everything."

"…okaaaay…how do you KNOW all that stuff?"

"My mom and dad bought me this book and-oh, why should I have to explain all of this to you? Go look it up like I do!"

Richard sighed. "All these things…I haven't seen all of these amazing things, and I-"

"You WILL. One day everyone will! I have a bit of a dream, to be honest." Nick admitted. "I've seen so much, so many wonderful and terrible and amazing things that I want everyone to know what I've seen! I see the world in ways nobody else seems to see…and I think…well…"

"Well what?" Shendu asked.

"I think…if people could look through my eyes…then they'd realize how beautiful and wonderful life can really be."

**BGM: Look Through My Eyes, by Phil Collins**

Nick's watch began to play a song. Nick spun his walking stick and then hopped up into the tree, putting the stick down and stretching his arm out to the horizon.

_There are things in life you'll learn and…oh, in time you'll see… _

_Cause out there somewhere, it's all waiting…  
If you keep beliiiieeeeving…_

He turned to them and grinned.

_So don't run, don't hide…  
It will be all right!_

_You'll see, trust me…_

He pointed right at them.

_  
I'll be there…watching over you!_

He jumped off and flew through the air, whizzing around and spinning, arms out. _  
_

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…_

_There's a better place!_

_  
If you look through my eeeeeeeyeees!_

He touched down on the ground and walked up to Richard, patting his head.

_There will be times…on this journey…_

_All you'll see is darkness!_

He stretched out his hand to point at the sky.

_  
Out there somewhere daylight finds you…_

He put his hand on Richard's heart.

_  
If you keep beliiiiiieving!_

_So don't run, don't hide…  
It will be all right!  
You'll see…trust me!_

He picked Richard up and put him on his shoulders, much to Richard's delight.

_  
I'll be there…watching over you!_

He spun the kid around, still singing, although now Richard sang along.

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…  
If you look through my eeeeeeeyeees!_

He put Richard down and jumped on top of the tree, stretching his arms wide. He couldn't see it, but the demon brethren could…his aura was going high, high up into the sky...

_All the things that you can change…_

_There's a meaning in __eve-ry-thing!_

_And you will find all-you-need…_

_There's so much to understaaaand!_

It became an aurora borealis of sorts, showing beautiful lights and colors, but amidst all of that were scenes…scenes of his adventures, and they were watching them as if if was some kind of grand epic being played before them.

_Take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…  
If you look through my eeeeeeeyeees!_

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through his eyes!"

_There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through his eyes!"

_Everything changes…you'll-be-amazed what you'll find…_

_You'll find a better place…_

_If you look through my eeeeeeyes!_

_You'll find a better place…_

_  
Just take a look through my eeeeeeyes!_

_You'll find a better place…_

_  
If you look through my eeeeeeyes!_

"Take a look through my eyes…" Nick whispered.

(Music ends.)

"WOW." Bai Tsa exclaimed.

"Niiiiice!" Xiao Fung complimented.

"I have to admit, that display of aura was utterly _miraculous_." Tso Lan said.

"Wow, if you impressed Tso, that sure means a lot in my book!" Shin said, giving Nick a high five. Nick shrugged at Shin. "No biggie. Um…Shin, I uh…need to talk to you privately…"

"And I you. You guys take care of Richard, the "adults" have to go talk now. That means you, Tchang."

Tchang Zu bit his thumb at Shin, a rude gesture. Shin ignored him and hopped down with Nick. "Here, come with me." He told Nick, leading him towards some nearby woods. Once they'd entered, Richard was left alone with his siblings.

"Well…what are we gonna do?" Hsi Wu asked. "I know!" Xiao Fung exclaimed. "Let's go spy on Zhao, see what he's cooking up in the backyard. What do you think it'll be this time?"

"Maybe a chicken with three legs? A monkey with five noses? A man with three buttocks?"

"He already made that last one."

"Oh. Right. I remember."

ABOUT FIVE WEEKS AGO, BEFORE NICK FIRST GOT REALLY INVOLVED…

Zhao walked into his living room, where the kids all were hanging out with Shin, spending the day at HIS house. "Ta-da! Meet my latest creation, one which will improve all of mankind: a man with three buttocks!"

Sure enough, in walked a naked man who had three buttocks. He did a 360 turn and then groaned horribly.

"kIlL mE! fOr ThE lOvE oF aLl ThAt'S hOlY, KiLl Me!"

"STREWTH!" Tso Lan exclaimed, eyes bugging out.

"Uh, how exactly does that improve mankind?" Xan asked, snickering.

"Oh jeez. He's bleeding." Zhao groaned. "Uh…honey! Get some towels, FAST!"

The man suddenly collapsed on the ground, screaming. "KiLl Me!!!"

"Uh…anyone know any healing magic?"

"Daddy hasn't taught ME anything!"

"Do something, Dad!"

"I…I don't know what to do! I only make things, I can't FIX them! I couldn't even fix the-"

BOOOOOM!

"…roof…"

"Well…uh…at least it's dead."

"…honey, we're gonna need some bigger towels."

"Ew, it's twitching!"

PRESENT…

"…_I thought we agreed to never talk about that_…"

In the forest, Nick turned to Shin. "Shin, I'm worried. According to what's supposed to happen in the future, Richard's the Demon of Light, and he's going to commit suicide once he finds out what he really is."

Shin rubbed his chin, then shrugged. "Then don't let him find out about it." He said. "Pure and simple."

Nick groaned. "It's NOT that simple." He insisted. "He'll find out sooner or later, either from his siblings or from his horrible dad!"

Shin suddenly took Nick's shoulder. "Nick, that won't matter in a few days. You've got to get them out of here."

"Huh?"

Shin looked deadly serious. He stared deep into Nick's hazel eyes. "They're coming. The Immortals. They're determined to end the threat you pose to the Time Stream. You have to take the Emerald Book of Ages and Secrets and RUN. Run far away."

Nick blinked a few times. "What, me _run_? I can kick their-"

"I KNOW you can!" Shin shouted. "But you CAN'T, understand?" He told him, voice breaking. "Do…do you understand?"

Nick's eyes narrowed slightly, and he frowned a little, trying to understand. "Wait…you mean…you're saying I don't belong here…aren't you?"

"…you don't, Nick. I know you're just trying to help my friends and trying to make them better people…but…well…there's only so much you can do! You can't expect everything to work out perfectly! You can only do so much, the rest…it must come from them. If it comes at all. So…you've got to go. Now. They Immortals are going to arrive here in three days."

Nick looked back at Shin's farm, genuinely concerned. "But…what about _them_?"

"They'll be fine. You've got to go. NOW. Run and run and don't look back. I'll tell them everything, but you've got to leave now. The sooner you leave the easier it'll be for you to avoid detection."

Nick rolled his eyes. "I'll just used the Book of Ages to-"

"You CAN'T. Just LOOK at it!"

Shin pulled it out of Nick's backpack. He held it up. "See?"

Nick gazed at the book and was suddenly aware that there were cracks all over it, a cloud of dust, a few worms wriggling through its pages, and worst of all, it smelled funny.

"What's…what's going on?" Nick wondered out loud…but deep down he knew. His interference with the past was seriously screwing up the Book of Ages. He'd been overworking it.

"The Book of Ages will take some serious time to heal. You've got to run and get as far away from China as possible. Head back to your little house. Get your bags together and…"

"And get the heck outta Dodge."

"I don't know what that means, but something tells me you're right on the money." Shin hugged him. "Thank you, Nick Grey. For everything."

"Will I…see you again? Any of you?" Shin shrugged and smiled coyly. "Hey…I'm no prophet. I'm sort of the opposite, to be honest. But something tells me you will. So good luck."

Nick nodded and put the book back in his backpack. "You're the coolest gay guy I ever met…_mahalo_. For everything." He then took off through the woods, running back to the road, heading for home…

Or he HAD been…

But then he'd heard the screaming.

"PO KONG! HSI WU!"

Nick stopped. What on Earth was going on? That was Shendu screaming…had something happened? He turned toward the direction of the shouting and ran and ran towards the far off figures of the kids…

As it turned out, it was very bad.

The kids had been hanging around a nearby river that ran right through Zhao's fields. It was a very large, deep river…and Po Kong and Hsi Wu had fallen into it.

And they couldn't swim.

"What on Earth?" Nick exclaimed, throwing his backpack down while the other kids screamed in horror and shock as Po Kong and Hsi Wu bobbed up and down in the river, desperately trying to stay above water.

Hsi Wu was in his demon form, trying to use his wings to get free, but all they did was make it worse, they became heavy from the water, and he fell back into the water, spluttering. Po Kong screamed and tried to keep her head above the river, but she was too heavy and couldn't swim at all, and so it was a fruitless effort. She kept going under.

Nick suddenly froze. He didn't know what to do! He was a very good swimmer, but for some reason he was frozen to the spot. A mental block…

"Do it." He thought. "Jump! What's the big deal!?!"

But he couldn't.

He…just…couldn't.

But Dai Gui could. He jumped in, not even bothering to take off his clothes. He swam hard towards Po Kong with Xiao Fung right behind him. It was at that moment that whatever was freezing Nick died away. He stripped himself of his clothes except for his underwear and jumped into the water.

The shock of the cold stung him, but he pushed through it and swam, taking deep breaths, doing front-stroke to reach Hsi Wu with Xiao Fung as Dai Gui swam a bawling Po Kong back to shore. "Hurry! Hurry!" Shendu shouted, tearful. "Hsi Wu looks really sick!"

He DID. He was turning blue. Hypothermia, perhaps? Or maybe he'd swallowed something in the water that was making him…he _was_ choking! Ignoring how cold HE was getting, Nick got behind him and put his fist just above Hsi Wu's belly button and the other hand right on that fist. "Come ON!" He said, giving him the Heimlich maneuver. Hsi Wu spat out a huge fish and spluttered. "T-t-thanks…"

"Thank me later!" Nick shouted. Xiao Fung wrapped his arm around Hsi Wu's shoulder and began swimming him back. Nick smiled and began swimming back…

Then he cramped up in his toe. He screamed and his hands grabbed for his toe, pushing it back, trying to fix it. The demon kids screamed and jumped up and down, urging Nick to swim back, but when the cramp was gone, suddenly everything…

Just…

Became….

So…

Very…

Very…

COLD…

And…

BLACK…

All was darkness.

…

…

…

…

…Am I dead?

…no, I don't feel DEAD…

I feel…chilly.

Woo! I feel…

Hey, where's my pants? Oh yeah, I…

Wait…if I really WAS dead, I wouldn't be worried about my pants…

I must be knocked out! Come on, wake up!

Wake up wake up wake-

UPPPPP!

"AAAA!" Nick shouted, suddenly sitting up so hard he rammed his head into Shendu's, who had bent over to see if Nick was really out. "Ow! That f—king hurt!" The Fire Demon complained. Nick panted and gasped. "Hah…hoo…huh…oh God…what…what happened? Why'd it all go black?"

"You passed out. You were too cold. But you are fine now…" Tso Lan told him, his voice sounding more distant than it should. All of the demon kids weren't meeting Nick's gaze.

"What happened?" Nick asked.

Silence.

"Well?"

Silence.

"Come on, what-wait…let's see…Shendu, Hsi Wu, Tso Lan, Bai Tsa, Xiao Fung, Tchang Zu, Po Kong, Dai Gui…where's Richard?"

All of them cringed. "Where's Richard?" Nick asked again, voice a bit stressed.

Suddenly someone spoke up from behind him. "Nick…he…he…saved you, but…but he…"

Nick turned around, not wanting to look but having no real choice.

There was Shin, crying pure black tears from his eyes as he held a naked little blind boy in his arms. Richard's head was hanging back, mouth slightly open, looking more like he was sleeping than…than the reality.

"He dived in to help you. We told him he couldn't, he couldn't see, he would have been able to help that much and he couldn't swim but…but somehow he…" Shendu mumbled. "He got to you and pushed you over to the shore but…but he…his heart just stopped beating…"

"Demons are cursed in that way." Tso Lan lamented. "Up on Earth, if any of us saves the life of an innocent, we…we trade our life for theirs…that…that is the way it works, as the Immortals have decreed. Their laws are absolute. Not even a gentle afterlife awaits him for his bravery…because he was a demon, his soul has been automatically banished to the reaches of Hell. If he's lucky he'll go to Purgatory, but if he is not…"

"…you mean…Richard died to save me?" Nick asked, his voice quiet. "He got d-d-damned to save me?" Everyone nodded.

Nick stood up. He looked at Richard's still form. Then at Shin. Then at the kids.

Then he walked over to his clothes, put them back on, slung his backpack on, and walked away, back to his house. The others waited an hour before following him. But when they caught up, he had locked the door and all the windows.

They couldn't bring themselves to force the door open. They left him alone and went off to bury Richard.

Meanwhile, inside the house, Nick sobbed on his bed over and over. "No-no-no-no-no…" He cried. "I didn't want this…I…I tried to…to…what can I do now? I try to help, but I think I've made things worse…"

He couldn't finish it. Sleep mercifully overtook him and he fell back on his bed into a deep sleep.


	14. Reunion Hill

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

REUNION HILL

Down in Hell, someone was not having a good time. In fact, he was in a great deal of immense pain right now. And the "idiot" next to him didn't make things better.

"What's going on?" Richard kept asking. "Whewh am I?" He'd been kept in solitary, deprived of any light. Not that it really mattered, since Richard couldn't "see" as others could. So he'd simply been asleep until now. All of Hell had been undergoing changes, and instead of keeping Richard in the darkness for all eternity like he _should_ have been under normal circumstances, he'd been removed and had been shipped around from place to place before arriving where he was _now_…

Next to a very annoyed antagonist of the Chan clan. The Son of Shendu himself, rudely sent down to Hell by his irritated Uncles and Aunts...Drago.

"Duh! It's **Hell**, stupid!" Drago snapped. He was a humanoid demon who was half dragon. He had scales instead of skin, no nose, sharp fangs and deadly claws. He had six horns on his head instead of hair, a tail, believe it or not, taloned feet, and normally wore a black leather jacket and a "punk" t-shirt with baggy jeans. Right now though, he was naked and tied to a rack, with Richard next to him. And guess who was torturing him?

"Well, well, isn't THIS interesting?" A very thick-muscled, bald, heavily-armored demon was in front of them. He had dark red skin, pale yellow eyes with dark yellow pupils, and he twirled an axe in his hands. He was pretty ugly too, and you could see veins all over his neck. He turned and grinned at them, revealing black teeth and his spit was yellow and acidic.

"So then…I'm Astaroth, and I will be your torturer for today."

He was greeted by a glare that could kill and a feral snarl in which several droplets of slightly acidic spit propelled out from a fanged mouth. "Why don't you stick your head up your butt and see if it **fits**, you-"

"Hold it, hold it! HOLD IT."

Suddenly someone quickly strode in. He had a helmet with horns that crested back from the top to the very back's end. It was a visored helmet that didn't have a bottom and that only covered his ears and his eyes, so you could see his well-built face, which was handsome yet frightening to behold. What came out from the visor was red light, and the armor that covered his body was a beautiful white…with gold trimmings. He had a beautiful golden cape as well. His shoulder pads were horned and black, and he had heavy-looking gloves. An ornate symbol covered the chest of his armor and the cape.

"Oh…I'm sorry, most sorry my lord." Astaroth gasped, bowing. "What is it?"

Astaroth's lord walked over to Richard. "You can see through my visor with your vision, can't you?" He asked. His voice was very deep and charismatic, and made you shiver. However it also had a trace of genuine sorrow in it, as if the owner regretted the life he led.

Richard nodded, frightened.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"…I…I died?"

"You are a demon. The Demon of Light. You sacrificed yourself to save another. Very noble, which I admire. However…now you are to be punished for all eternity. Such is your fate for going against the natural nature of your kind. Still, I don't want you to see what's about to happen."

He snapped his fingers and a thick, deadly-looking sword appeared. It had demonic runes carved up and down it, and devil wings on the hilt. He pointed it at Richard. "Close your eyes, child." Richard did, and grimaced…

SWISH, SWISH!

Thunk-thunk. Richard's ears had been cut off. He started bawling horribly. Drago looked over and felt a honest twinge of pity.

Astaroth's lord spoke again. "Now then…I'm afraid that's only part one of your punishment. I shall return to do worse. For now, simply close your eyes and wait calmly for your end." Giving him a curt nod, he turned to Astaroth.

"Direct orders from our Grand Lord. Begin torturing that one." He told him, tossing a nod at Drago, who spat angrily again. Astaroth grinned in evil glee. "Oh, **yes** my lord!" His lord left. Astaroth picked up his axe. "Oh, this'll be fun!" He growled happily. "Any last words?" He asked Drago. "Some of us are making a book of last minute words before your eternal torture and if it's _good_, we'll put it in the book."

Drago thought about what to say. Then inspiration, from where he knew not, came...

And he asked a question.

"Say…can I sing?"

Astaroth blinked. "Sing WHAT?"

Drago grinned. "_Gotcha_!"

**BGM: Uncle Fucka, from South Park, Bigger, Longer and Uncut**

_Shut your f_—_king face motherf—kaaa!  
You're a c_—_k sucking ass-licking mother f—ka!  
You're an motha f_—_ka, yes its true…  
Nobody f_—_ks mothas quite like __you_

"…" Astaroth was stunned by this sudden outburst of song. Several demons and devils that had been passing by suddenly stopped and listened. Richard blinked a few times. The air in the room had changed. There was tension all around!

And Drago kept singing!

_Shut your f_—_king face motha f—kaaa!  
We all know f_—_ked your motha, motha f—ka!  
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn,  
You just f_—_k your motha all day long!_

Astaroth know was growling, very angry, and a larger crowd had gathered to laugh at HIS agony, pointing and sneering and hooting. "Shut up!" He snarled. "SHUT UP!"

But Drago wouldn't shut up. "F—ker f—ker motha f—ka motha f—ka f—ka f—ka f—ka!"

The crowd now joined in!

"Shut your f—king face motha f—ka!"

"Motha f—ka!"

"You're a boner biting b-----d motha f—ka!"

"You're a motha f—ka we must say…"

"He f—ked your motha yesterday!" Someone shouted.

Astaroth raised his axe. "I SAID SHUT THE F—K UP!"

But nobody would shut up. "Motha f—ka... that's  
M-O-T-H-A f--k you, motha f--kaaaaaa toniiiiiiiiight!"

"_**SHUT UP**_!"

"Suck my balls!" Drago shouted. The axe swung down…

(Music ends.)

When Nick awoke, the kids were surrounding his bed.

"We couldn't just let you sleep for another day."

"You've been asleep for three days. You can't stay here any more."

"Yeah, they'll be here any moment."

"Who?" Nick groggily asked, rubbing his eyes. However he already knew the answer before they even said it, every single one of them, Shin included.

"The Immortals!"

"Yeah, you gotta run!" Dai Gui told him. "They'll…they'll bury you, Nick."

"You'll get **fried**." Tchang Zu insisted.

"The Immortals do NOT take kindly to those who disrupt the status quo. They operate on a strict set or rules and such…if anyone interferes with those rules, which include the flow of time…they are harshly punished." "Yeah, you could go to Hell for a single little mistake!" Hsi Wu whispered, frightened.

Nick rolled his eyes. "That is **NOT** how it works, darn it!" He told Hsi. "It takes more than a few mess ups to send you down to-"

But Shin went on. "You've committed more rips in the Time Stream than any sorcerer or demon or human on the planet!…so far."

"Yeah, they'll probably kill you or worse. You've got to go. NOW." Shendu told Nick, pulling him out of bed. "We got your backpack and some other bags all packed for you, and there's a carriage that'll take you to the edge of the province. You're…well, on your own your own from there on."

Nick blinked and sat up. He didn't say anything for a while. He'd been thinking about Richard and the others for a long time. Finally he spoke. "Okay, I…I guess it's time I…left. But uh, can you all meet me at that place you said had the great view of the valley? I never got to see it in all this time."

They all agreed. "We'll meet you there in a few minutes. And uh…put some clothes on." Shin told him.

"Nice penis." Bai Tsa giggled. Nick turned red and quickly covered his extremities with the bed blanket.

They all left and Nick closed the door, going to his clothes bureau, getting his "This Is What Cool Looks Like" t-shirt, blue vest and other clothes out. He put on his sneakers and then walked out the door, getting his backpack and the two other bags that the kids had prepared for him, which were a sleeping bag, a pillow and supplies for camping.

He walked outside with them, heading for the north. He walked for about ten minutes, and then he saw them, near the edge of the hill. He walked up to them and put the backpack and bags down. He gaped in awe at the sight he saw.

It was beautiful. Lush green forests all around, trees sprung up everywhere. The grass was full and fresh, and Nick could see it blowing gently in the wind. White clouds puffed by in the air, and flowers lined the small hills in the valley. Over to the side was the village, Nick could see the kid's houses. It was the prettiest, most peaceful valley he'd ever seen.

"You can see the whole valley from here." Shin said. "See that, off in the distance? That's the path you've gotta take." He told Nick. There was a dirt road leading to the north that Nick could barely make out.

"Follow that path and you'll eventually find the border of China. After that, the Immortals won't be able to get to you if you head for port. Take the first right you find after crossing the border…but don't be seen. Whatever you do, don't be seen by the border guards." Shin explained.

Nick nodded. He suddenly looked up at the sky, sighing. "This place is beautiful…it reminds me so much of my own home back in New England…the reservoir…"

Nick turned to his friends. "How about a pact?" He told them. "We'll all meet back here one day. Somehow, in some way. And all before we die. To heck with the details. Whaddya say?"

They all looked at each other. Nick held out a hand. "Come on! How about it? You guys in?"

Shin put his hand on top of Nick's. "I…I'm in."

Shendu did the same, as did Hsi Wu and Tso Lan. "Of course." "Yep!" "With pleasure."

Dai Gui and Bai Tsa were next. "Okay!" "You got it!"

Xiao Fung, Po Kong and Tchang Zu were last. "Sure." "I guess. Why not?" "Fine with me."

Nick nodded. "All right. We'll meet back here on…I know! We'll call this place….Reunion Hill!"

They all nodded. "Good name." Tso Lan told him. "It…fits, somehow." Bai Tsa agreed.

Nick smiled and picked up his bags. "Well…_aloha_ for now, guys. I guess, I'll be…be seeing you…" He brushed his eyes with his arms and walked off, heading down the hill, into the valley, and for the border.

**BGM: Reunion Hill, by Richard Shindell**

_It must have been…in late September…when last I climbed…Reunion Hill!_

_I fell asleep…upon the border…and dreamed a dream I…will not tell!  
I came hoooooome…as the sun went down! Following the traiiiiil…upon the ground!  
And even now…I find theiiiir things…glasses, coins and…golden riiiiiiiiiiings!_

_It's ten years since that raaagged army…limped across these fields of miiiine…_

_I gave them breeaad…I gave them brandy…but most of allllll, I…gave the tiiime!_

_My well is deeeep…the water puuuure! My…streams are fed by…mouuuntain lakes!_

_I cleaned the brow…of many-a soldier…dousing for my…husband's faaaace!_

_And I won't forget our sad-fare-well!_

_Or I how she ran to climb that hiiiilllll…_

_Just to watch us walk across…the valley and…dissapeaaaar…into…the treeeeeeeees!_

_Alone there…in a sea of blue…_

_It circles eeeevery aaaafternooon…_

_A single hawk…_

_In God's great sky…_

_Looking down with…_

_God's own eeeeeeye!_

_It soars above…Reunion Hill, I…pray he'll spiral high-er-still!_

_As if from such…an altituuuuuude…_

_He just might see…_

_My love…_

_For yooooouuuuuuu!_

"It must have been…in late September…when last I climbed…Reunion Hill…" Nick sang softly, as the wind gently blew his hair. He turned around only once to wave goodbye…

And then he did not look back but continued to walk on.

(Music ends.)

**Author's Note:**

**People deal with death and being in trouble in different ways, a theme I'll be exploring much later. But this moment in which Nick has to part from the kids who he knows will grow up one day to be evil villains is important. It's a bittersweet moment to be sure, it's "for the best" and all of that, but believe me when I say that Nick can't escape from the Immortals that easily, and when they DO catch him, he's in a level of trouble that few have ever been in. And what of Richard and Drago, stuck down in Hell? Can they escape? And what about Jade and the rest of the Chan clan? Can they make it through what's happening to San Fran? Stay tuned...**

**Oh, and read and review, naturally. **


	15. The Trials of Nick, Pt1

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

THE TRIALS OF NICK, PT. 1

The lord of Astaroth walked slowly down a lone pathway in the middle of a lake of fire. He sighed and sat down on a chair made of stone.

"Oh, how I long to be free to walk up there. I remember once how…how beautiful it was…"

He growled suddenly. "But then it all…well, went to **HERE**! Now I'm doomed to be here for all eternity. I have one of the worst positions that anyone could ever have."

He chuckled wryly. "I don't remember even applying for this job. Oh well. I have to deal with the cards I was dealt. The Body must adhere to the rules passed down, and I must complete my job as one of the Avatars of the Devil and one of the four who ride in the name of Revelation."

"Talking to yourself? _Baaaad_ sign." A child-like entity appeared behind him. Astaroth's lord growled. "Go away."

The child shrugged. "Suit yourself, "Lucy". According to the Grand Lord, I've got to make my rounds with "extra zeal". "Which means acting like a little prick?" "Yep! So long, schizoid! " He flapped off on his wings. "Lucy" spat on the ground. "I ought to kill the little ass. Hmph." He took out a small book. "Let's see, is there any good news I can look forward to?"

The book read "Timetable for the Damned". "Let's see…oh my, this is interesting. Demon of the Sun, arriving…oh, that soon? Two hours? Good, good. Then this means that the great prophecy is coming together."

"Lucy" stood up, rubbing his chin. "With the bell of the Heavens taken, and the city of Man under attack and the Demons from the East freed, then that leaves only four more signs: the arrival of the demons of Light and Shadow to the other side, the arrival of the Chosen, the beginning of the reign of the demon of the Sun in Hell, and finally the annihilation of the city of man."

He grinned. "It's all coming together. And soon…I will be free. Free!"

Astaroth's lord walked down the path. "I can scarcely believe it, yet believe it I must. Soon…I'll be back up there…and…home."

_Sometimes I think…when I look up…real high…_

_That there's such a big world up there…why can't I give it a tryyy?_

_But then my spirit's sink…for it's here they make me stay…_

_But I'm just so lonely down here…why must it be this waaaaaay?_

He walked down the path, singing to himself.

_For up there, there is so much room! Where lovers laugh and flowers bloom!_

_Everyone dreams, I can dream too, up theeeeere!_

_Up there with their sky's so blue, I know I could be happy too…_

_If I…could be…up there!_

He reached a room. His room, where he slept. He opened the door and sat down on his big, plushy, red-blanketed bed. He took something out from the pillow. It was a little book of drawings. He opened it up and looked through it.

_They say "You should be alone"…_

_That I just don't belong…_

_That just because of who I am…_

_I must be where evil's sowwwnn!_

_But what is evil anyway? It's just a frame of mind!_

_Without evil there is no good…_

_So could it be good...to be evil sometiiiiimes? _

His hands brushed the drawings gently. A tear fell down onto the pages.

_Ohhh up there, there is so much room! Where planes fly by and racecars zoom!!_

_Everyone dreams, I can dream too, up theeeeere!_

_Up there with their heart's so true, I know I could be happy too…_

_If I…could be…up there!_

He put the book away and walked back out, raising his hands up high.

_Oh, up theeeeere!_

_Uuuup theeeeere!_

_I want to be…_

_Just to be __free__!  
I want to liiiiive…_

He clenched his hands into fists.

_I want to liiiiive!  
_

_Up theeeere!  
_

_Up theeeeere!_

_Uuuuupppp…theeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeee…_

He lowered his hands slowly, looking down at them, then back up at the sky.

_I…just want to liiiive…up there._

Nick had found the carriage on the side of the road. He had been taken out of the province, and was now God-knows-how-many miles from the border. So he was stuck trudging and trudging and trudging until he could find some safety, some place he could go back to the Present day with the Book without being interrupted.

But unfortunately, this wasn't going to be easy. The sun had set, and it was time for him to get some sleep. He walked over to the shade of a nearby grove of trees and put his backpack down.

"Heh…hoo…okay, that settles it. I'm going to start flying tomorrow AND lose about five, ten more pounds. I don't care if it'll be heck trying to carry all this stuff while flying, I've gotta try."

He took out his sleeping bag and his pillow and set it on the ground. Then he got inside the sleeping bag and rested his head down on the pillow, breathing deeply the scent of the wild around him.

"Ahhh…man, this feels just like the time I went camping up in Vermont." He thought out loud. "…I wonder…maybe I should try to visit that place here. See if there's a Nick Grey in this world."

Sleep overtook him after about fifteen minutes of looking at the dark, star-speckled sky.

Unfortunately, when he woke up…

_**"WOAH!"**_

He was surrounded on all sides by people in regal and impressive-looking Chinese robes. Nick automatically recognized one of the warriors that was glaring at him. He had a long, grayish/brown beard, dark, deep brown eyes, long hair down the back that ended in a ponytail, and a spiky, upturned mustache. Lo Pei…the Immortal who banished Shendu…who WOULD banish Shendu in the future.

"Oh boy."

"You…are in a great deal of trouble, child." Lo Pei told him in a deep, reprehensive voice. "Do you have any idea how much damage you have caused to the Time Stream?"

"Um…_no_…"

"Well you're about to find out! I am escorting you to trial in the Great Hereafter! If you make so much as one wrong move, my fellow Immortals will kill you where you stand."

Nick began to stand up. "Yeah, I'd like to see you-"

A fist suddenly struck his face. He flew through the air and landed hard. "OW! That HURT!" Nick exclaimed, getting up. A fat, bald Immortal with a round nose had punched him. "Care to try that again?" He asked angrily. Nick took up his own fighting position. "Hey, you just caught me off guard!"

Suddenly someone struck him in the back, a hard, quick jab, and he collapsed on the ground, paralyzed. "What the? Hey! That's cheating!"

"That's called dealing with a criminal." Lo Pei told him. "Now you're coming with me." He walked over to Nick and grabbed his wrist. Suddenly Nick felt himself being PULLED to some far off, distant location, going up, up, up, and he couldn't see any distinct shapes, it was all just a blur…

_Gonna…hurl…_

Then he was there, supplies and all, in the middle of what appeared to be the hugest courtroom he'd ever seen. He looked around. There was a large audience watching from behind the prosecution and defense stands, and a jury and a judge, and last but not least, a witness stand right next to the judge's booth. But the scenery was amazing. The walls were of gold and crimson, streamers lined up here and there, and a large banner proclaiming something in Chinese characters was written upon the Judge's, defenses and prosecution's individual desks. Nick recognized one of the signs that was written on the prosecution's side…

"Sword and shield…oh, contradiction! That old story!"

"Nice to see you've brushed up on your history." A voice from behind him said. Nick was released. He stood up, rubbing his head. "What the?" He asked, turning around. He blinked a few times at the majesty of the courtoom again. Then he heard a voice address him _again_.

"I am the prosecutor of this trial." One said.

"And I'm your defense attorney." Said another.

Nick turned around to face the voices and gaped. "No…friggin'…WAY!" He was totally geeking out. He recognized both of them. "Confucius? Lao Zi? The famous philosophers? Wow!" He immediately walked over and began to shake each of their hands vigorously. "I am like, a HUGE Mythology and History buff, and I've read some seriously cool stuff about you guys, how's it going, how's it going?"

"Stop shaking my hand, you'll break it!" Lao Zi complained, his spiky, black beard and ponytail going up and down and up and down. He was balding, the poor sap.

Confucius held both his hands together and took in a deep breath, his long white beard and long whiskers gently flowing with the breath. "Confucius say…until you learn to master your zeal, your zeal will become your master."

"All right, all right. Sorry. I'm just a fan, that's all." Nick apologized. He stepped back, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "Hey, wait…which one of you's the prosecutor again?"

"I am." Lao Zi said.

"Oh boy." Nick gulped. "I don't suppose you'd tell me where I am?"

"I can answer that." Confucius said. "You are here in the Great Hereafter. The Afterlife. The Great Beyond."

"Did I die?" Nick asked stupidly.

Confucius chuckled, and his stomach jiggled slightly. "No, of _course_ not. You're a temporary guest…if you're lucky and if I do my job right, that is. You're charged with interference with the flow of time, defying Heavenly law and, most serious of all, demonic affiliation."

Nick blinked. "Demonic what?"

"Your trial shall be judged by the great and powerful Jade Emperor, Yu Huang." Lao Zi said.

Nick gasped. "Ooh! "The August Personage of Jade" himself! Wow, I must be important, I thought only lesser Gods dealt with stuff like this."

"Important enough so that you're being tried not only by him, but by a jury of your peers."

Nick looked over at the Judge first. The Jade Emperor had no beard, but a long, thin, drooping black mustache. He was wearing a cap with a square top that had beaded chains running down the front and back of the cap, of each different color of the rainbow. He had a robe of purple, red, yellow and blue, and held in his hand an engraved sword with the symbols for "Justice" on the back and front. He had sparkling jade eyes and a round face, with surprisingly tough-looking hands. For some reason though, it was the nose that stood out. It was turned slightly up, but it didn't make him look bossy or snooty. It just seemed to say "I'm more important than you" and it was a fact.

"Wow, I can't believe he's my judge."

"Confucius say…to be able to judge of others by what is nigh in ourselves; this may be called the art of virtue."

Then Nick looked at the jury and gaped. "Those…those are the…the…"

Inside the jury box were unmistakably those who believed in the monotheistic belief Nick shared. Specifically…the 12 apostles! Peter, Andrew, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, the two James, Matthew, Simon, Thaddeus-oh, and Matthias.

"Oh, WOW." Nick exclaimed. "Heck, the only ones who are missing are-"

"Are you looking for me?" A voice asked him from behind. Nick turned around.

"**JESUS CHRIST**!" Nick screamed, automatically taking a step back. "My Lord and my God!" He immediately got down on his knees and began bowing over and over. "I'm not worthyyy! _**I'm not worthyyy**_!"

"Arise, Nicholas Michael Grey." Nick did so. "Wow, this is…I mean…WOW…"

The first thing that stood out in Nick's mind was the hands of Jesus. They were _very_ soft-looking. He had long hair and a well-built body. Typical, he HAD been a carpenter. He also had white skin, and was wearing a white robe with no sandals on his feet. He had a small beard and a smaller mustache. He also had a very, VERY nice smile, which was what really stood out on him. His eyes were also interesting, they kept changing color in an interesting fashion.

"Wow. Hey, wait, I thought you weren't white."

"Oh, I just took this form because I believe you would me more comfortable with it." Jesus told Nick. He had a soft, gentle voice, with an underlying tone of "I know what I'm doing".

"Great, now I feel like a racist…" Nick moaned.

Jesus patted Nick on the shoulder. "Hey, don't say something like that. It's not THAT bad as you believe it is. I'm here to wish you good luck."

"Will Mr. Christ be seated please?" The bailiff had a curly ponytail, a thin mustache, and a strong, well-developed upper body.

"Oh, cool, the great archer Yi!" Nick exclaimed. Then he scratched his head, confused. "Wait…I thought you were banished to Earth to live life as a mortal…"

Yi looked a bit peeved at this, but composed himself. "They cut me a break. Now I'm a court bailiff. It's pretty interesting work and sometimes the defendants try to run and I get to shoot them."

Jesus shook his head sorrowfully. "I thoroughly detest when people try to avoid their fair judgment and punishment." Jesus said. "They really should just take it like a man. But what I dislike more is that Yi LIKES shooting them down. THAT…is what is truly more dangerous."

"Oh, you're just sore because you can't hit so much as a chicken, let alone a flaming sun in the sky with a bow and arrow like I can, Christ." Yi said boastfully.

Christ gave a humble little nod. "If you say so." He said softly. He nodded at Nick. Suddenly Nick heard something inside his head, Jesus's voice.

"You're in a great deal of trouble, but remember…there's always a way to be set free. Do what you did before and look for the best among the worst, the good among the evil, and you'll find your way back."

With that, Jesus returned to the audience, sitting in the front next to someone Nick recognized as Buddha, with dark skin, long flowing black hair and a calm expression on his face. He also had a bit of a pot belly…okay, a HUGE pot belly.

"Can I rub your tummy for good luck?" Nick asked. Buddha raised an eyebrow. "Sorry kid, that kinda thing doesn't work here." "Oh, **phooey**."

There was a dark-skinned man with a big beard and passionate yet wise eyes next to him. He wore a turban and had red, brown and yellow robes. He had on black sandals.

"I can offer you some advice." He said. "I know quite a bit about the judicial system here."

There was yet another man next to him. Long white beard, plain brown robes and he looked pretty strong…with a big nose. He raised an eyebrow. "Muhammad, are you sure you should tell him that? Maybe it would be better for him to find it out for himself?"

"I know what I'm doing, Moshe…and call me Mohammed."

"Please, call _me_ Moses."

"Anyhow, you MUST remember to be polite if you're called on as a witness. And character attacks aren't permitted. And if you get wild at all in the court, Yi will shoot you."

"Wow, I wish MY country's judicial system was this cool!" Nick commented. Moses laughed. "Don't be too eager to see action, kid. It's gonna be a long trial. A lot of important figures are being called in, lots of people have their eye on you…you're famous, kid."

Nick blinked a few times. "Because of what I did with Long Oah's children?"

Jesus shook his head. "No, although that is PART of it, my son. You see-"

"Let us begin the trial." The Jade Emperor proclaimed loudly. Jesus stopped speaking. "The charges are as follows: Interference with the Time Stream. Defying Heavenly Law. Demonic Affiliation. The prosecution may now begin its opening statements."

Lao Zi walked up and down in front of the jury. "As you know, we are here to judge the mortal Nicholas Michael Grey for the crimes the great, mighty and merciful Jade Emperor has listed. The boy has caused damage so great that it is possible it could never be repaired. He must be punished for his crimes against the Great Hereafter and the nation of China."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "I'm not really following this…" He muttered to Confucius. "What in Heaven and Earth is going on exactly? Could you explain these proceedings to me?"

Confucius sighed. "It is simple. Whenever a mortal directly interferes with the laws passed down by the Heavens AND interferes with the flow of Time, they attract the attention of those who make their home in the Great Hereafter. As such they are immediately judged in accordance to the nature of their crimes."

"The Great Hereafter? So this is part of the afterlife?"

"Yes. All mythological beings you have heard of were quite real. But the dominion over the Great Hereafter in all its entirety belongs to He, the Creator."

"The Creator?"

"When the Heavens and Earth were created and man began to walk the Earth, God knew immediately that Man was not yet ready to believe in a single God…not in the way he wanted them to. He'd have to…well, work with them, step by step. So he split off pieces his divine presence, from his Body, Mind, Soul and Heart. He created pieces of himself in different images to appear before mortals, and to try and teach them how to lead their lives well. Of course, there are elements of God in all religions. After all, in every single religion, there is talk of something divine within all people…"

"Like the Soul?"

"Yes! Exactly!"

"I see, and almost every major polytheistic religion I've read about talks about at least one benevolent, friendly and good god who's very important. Those so-called gods…"

"Are directly _from_ God. Yes. And they in turn had parts in creating other gods. However…" Confucius sighed. "From Good there must come Evil to parallel it. Evil took to the idea of creating gods and did so as well, putting its parasitic essence into the gods it made, or sometimes taking good gods and corrupting them."

"I see. That's another thing I notice keeps coming up in polytheistic mythology…"

"Of course there are other gods who are formed as avatars of the powers of the elements, of the Earth's might and such. And there are some who fall into the category of being willed to life through…well, the point is, eventually God felt it was time and began to directly spread the word of God through Judaism, Islam and Christianity."

"So then, all the other people in the other religions are damned?"

Jesus, who had been listening, shook his head. "No, Nick. Have you heard of Dante? In the Divine Comedy, there are those in Heaven who paid correct homage to their gods who taught them to be just and good. If a person in the past followed the right path and gave thanks to the divine influence in their life, they were saved. Now in your time the point is fairly moot, since those polytheistic religions are few and far between and monotheism rules the day more often than not. I have this to say though: there are far more Christians in Hell then there are of the ancient races of the Native Americans, Egyptians and Chinese, which had been judged as "barbaric" for so long."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that."

"Hypocrisy is not in short supply in your time. I hope you'll try and do something about any you might show."

Nick blinked a few times. "Wait, you said some gods were "willed to life". By who? God?"

"No, actually…by the people of Earth themselves. It's been said that "If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him." Well some people did invent their own, unknowingly. They are those with strong hearts, who are filled with the power of a great love for all life…although sometimes the things they create are corrupted."

Nick suddenly realized something. "Wait, what about people who don't believe in one god?" He asked. "My own mom's an atheist."

Everyone around him was silent.

"So what happens to people like my mom?"

"…well…at first, we allowed those who were "unknowing blessed" into Heaven, those who followed the right path and did good in their life and who could be redeemed. But then, a few weeks ago, the Voice of God fell silent, and when he did, there was a power struggle down in Hell, as well as…a great schism, a split. Now the definition of sinner applies to…far, FAR more people than it used to." Jesus said quietly.

Nick looked mortified. Jesus patted him on the shoulder. "I would like it if you could…do something about this."

Nick nodded eagerly. Didn't want to let Jesus Christ down and all.

"And be sure to beware of temptations. You'll be facing many, and soon."

"Jesus, if I get out of this, I swear to…" Nick blinked a few times. "Well, YOU, that the first thing I'm going to do is swear off any kind of beer, illegal drugs and heck, even coffee!"

"Worry about that later. Just be sure to not give in."

An interesting-looking Bailiff walked by. She looked like an angel, she had beautiful blond hair, blue eyes, and…black wings. Yes, they were very pretty and smooth black wings, but black/purple all the same. Odd. "Will the defense like to give their opening statements?" She asked.

"Uh…are you…Nina?" Nick asked. Somehow the name just sprung to mind. "Yep!" She said happily. "How ya doin'?"

"Uh…aren't you…a video game character?"

"This world you know, the one in which that show "Jackie Chan Adventures" takes place…it is on a nexus, a center-point in between realms." Jesus explained. "On the one hand it borders the realm of Adventure, yet on the other hand it borders that of the Mythological…"

"Yep, the show sure brings it all together!" Nick said happily. He really had loved watching it.

"Therefore you shall see elements of both in your travels. This nexus world isn't unique, there are others. But because there are elements of both kinds of…well, "genres" would be a good term…that means there are both allies AND foes that go along with it. Nina and her friends have a bond with the Mythological, therefore it is fitting she is here."

"Nice to meet you by the way." Nina said. "Now then…like I was saying before, could the defense give their opening statements?"

Confucius stood up and nodded. He walked in front of the jury. "Good people of this fine jury, remember that this boy is young, his heart innocent and pure, and that he is merely doing what he believes is following the path of Virtue." Confucicus took in a deep breath. "I have said that the wise man knows to follow the Heavenly Laws…but I say to you now, that an honest man will follow his heart."

Bowing respectfully, he walked back over to Nick and sat down. Nick whistled. "Wow. That…that was amazing."

Confucius bowed politely. "Thank you, Mr. Grey. Now you had best pay attention. They will call witnesses…"

SOON…

"Hey babe, I wish you were a roller coaster so I could ride you all-"

"Shut up, Pan, or I'll smack your horns off!"

"All right, all right! Sheesh, Aphrodite. Ares told me you hit on anything that moves."

"Oh he DID, did he?"

"**Help**!"

ABOUT TWO HOURS LATER…

"Hey…don't I know you from somewhere?" Cupid asked, poking Krishna in the side. "Aren't you…aren't you that…that guy? That big guy? From the radio show?"

_"Must get out of here. Must escape." _Krishna thought to himself. He suddenly saw that the person sitting next to him, Odin, was leaving. He bounded into the surprised man's arms. "Crunchatize me, Captain!" Krishna begged.

"Only if you take me to Nirvana!"

"Deal!"

They both vanished. Cupid let out a "harrumph". "I didn't even get his autograph!"

"Too…many…mythological figures…can't keep...traaaaaack…" Nick's head was resting on the table in front of him, and he was groaning, a headache pounding in his head.

"I think you've broken the defense." A wild and red-haired man with dazzling green eyes and a small cut on his thumb grinned. "Anyway, can I go on, sweet cheeks?" Nina crossed her arms and looked him dead in the eye. "Of course, Mr. Loki. Keep in mind, you are to behave. If you do **not**, you'll be sent immediately back to Hell and strapped back to the rock you crawled off of." "_**HEY**_!" "Now continue." Nina the bailff said politely.

Loki muttered a Celtic curse under his breath, something Nick couldn't hear too well. Just as well too, it implied something nasty relating to his demonic, doglike son Fenrir, the prosecutor's mother and Nina herself. "Harrumph. _Grrr_…anyway, as I was saying, yeah, I saw him hangin' around with those demonic kids. Guess what? They helped him escape from China to avoid the Immortals! But I guess they owed him and that's why them helped him out."

"Why is it that they owed him for?" Lao Zi asked. "What did he do for them?" Everyone was intrigued. Well, everyone but Nick who already knew the answer.

Loki went on, gesticulating to express what Nick had done. "Well he was hanging around with them, singing songs for them, telling stories, training in martial arts with them all…and then this thing happens, two of them get stuck in this river and they freak and can't get out. Get this! The kid dives in right after one of the brothers does, he tries to SAVE them! But although he does pretty well, the water gets too cold and he conks out, and then one of those demon kids dies…that little blond one, Richard was his name. He could only see in auras but he dived in to save the kid and he pulled Nick outta the water, but…Richard died saving the kid."

The courtroom was abuzz.

"What? No way!"

"A demon sacrificing his life?"

"His ties to them are strong! He's a dangerous threat!"

"As if we don't have enough to deal with! Aren't the Demonic hordes planning an attack soon?"

"AND the mortal world is in an uproar! This mortal is just one more troublemaker who's ruining our divine plans!"

"Who ELSE is going to die for his sake? Send him straight to Hell!"

The Jade Emperor slammed his gavel. "I've had enough! THAT IS IT! ORDER! ORDER!" He glared at Nick. "Is it true you allied yourselves with those demons?"

Well that just did it.

_Nobody speaks like that about MY friends. NOBODY!!!_

He stood up, slamming his hands down on the table. "**I've** had enough! All I've ever tried to do was be a good person to others, and a good friend to those poor things you so meanly call "demons"! They deserve better! They're good deep down, but all you care about are stupid rules! There are more important things then rules."

That was it. The judge slammed his gavel down so hard he shattered it. "THAT IS ENOUGH! If you are to mock the Heavenly Laws, then you will be punished for your blasphemy!"

"Blasphemy? Last time I checked you weren't God, and I don't think you have any right to doom these kids!" Nick yelled right back, pointing an accusatory finger.

"I am the Jade Emperor! I **have** such a right! And you are a fool to put your trust in those that have no souls! Bow down and beg forgiveness. I am a merciful judge."

Nick shook his head. He was pissed. He crossed his arms. "**NO.**" He said, voice reverberating through the room.

Gasps all around. The Jade Emperor glared at him. "You defy **me**?"

"No shit, Sherlock!" Nick shouted.

"Watch your mouth!"

"No way! I am so PISSED with your attitude!"

"I said "watch it", you little brat!"

Both looked like they were ready to explode. Then Nick went and stuck his foot in his mouth with his next comment.

"_**Fuck you, fatty two-by-four who won't fit through the kitchen door!**_"

The courtroom was filled with gasps and exclamations of shock and horror. People began shouting angrily.

"Kick him out!"

"Hey, he's got a point!"

"The Jade Emperor is a figure of respect!"

"But he IS fat!"

Jesus stood up. "Now hold on, I think we all just need to calm down and take a few deep breaths."

"I'm getting my bow." Yi muttered. He walked past Jesus, heading for a nearby closet. Mohammed suddenly grabbed his arm. "Hey, Jesus said CALM DOWN." Yi smacked his hand aside. "Don't touch me you f—king a-la-la-la-loser!"

There are some things you just do not do...and one of them was make fun of a religous figure who had friends within earshot. Moses leapt up from his seat, grabbing the chair, and he began to beat Yi over the head with it. "JACKAL! WITLESS HIPPO! TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT!"

Nick gaped. "Oh **wow**."

"Cool! A fight!" A tough-looking Grecian man in war gear immediately punched out Mohammed. "Hey, leave my man Mohammed alone!" An angry-looking Buddha said, jumping on him and squishing him. Soon everyone was up in arms, punching, kicking, BITING in some cases.

"AAA! Bad doggy! Bad doggy!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!? I'M AN EGYPTIAN GOD, YOU BOY-LOVING FREAK!"

"MY HAIR! NOBODY TOUCHES MY HAIR!"

"Get him off me, I'm allergic to red-skinned destroyers!"

"Dash-ta-dinga-dor!"

"I don't speak Scandinavian! Get the hell offa me!"

"MY FAAAAACE!"

"Hey, anybody seen where I put my hammer?"

"Shut UP, Thor!"

"People, please, this is a court of law and…and…and you've turned it into a **wrestling match**!" Suddenly Jesus walked over to the prosecutor's table and held it up over his head, much to everyone's surprise. He threw it and it hit the wall, shattering into pieces. "Now everyone is gonna calm down RIGHT NOW!"

"Shut up, you stupid carpenter!" A long-bearded, muscular Grecian man shouted. He held a thunderbolt high and it shot towards Jesus, striking him in the chest. Jesus went flying back, hitting the floor, twitching a few times.

"Oh my God! He…he killed Jesus…" Nick gasped.

Everyone stopped fighting and looked in a mixture of horror and surprise at the body, which slowly faded away. Nick turned and screamed "YOU _**BASTARD**_!" at Zeus.

"Oops". Zeus said embarrassingly.

"_**YOU BASTARD!!!**_" Nick wailed.

Suddenly Jesus reappeared in a flash of holy light and a chorus of "Hallelujah". "Relax, my son. I can resurrect, remember?" Nick immediately let out a sigh of immense relief. "Phew, that was a close one…"

"Are we all calmed down now?" The Jade Emperor asked. Everyone nodded, beaten and bruised and (in some cases) bitten but otherwise fine. "_Good_. **Nicholas Michael Grey**!" The Jade Emperor snarled. "As I am merciful, so am I also wrathful! I, the Jade Emperor, find you **guilty** and I sentence you to **Hell** for all eternity for your refusal to adhere to our laws!"

Nick gasped. He immediately petrified, chills going up through his spine. "I'm…I'm…" He couldn't say anymore. Horror had filled him up from head to toe. He just screamed.

A swirling portal of burning, violent red opened up. "Send him away!" The Jade Emperor shouted. Nick was still screaming when Yi grabbed him. "Shut up!" Yi shouted. But Nick wouldn't stop. He screamed and screamed and screamed…

And he was still screaming when he was tossed inside, down into the depths of Hell…

**Author's Note:**

**Pretty heavy huh? I bet you didn't think I'd send Nick down to Hell for what he did...but I have. And he's going to be joined by others soon enough! Plus, what about Richard and Drago? Who is "The Body of the Devil" exactly, and who was that annoying kid bothering him? Great things are afoot! Read and review, it is divine to do so! **


	16. The Trials of Nick, Pt2

* * *

OPENING CREDITS!

* * *

**BGM: Make Some Noise, by Hannah Montana**

(Camera zooms in on Nick, who's sitting beneath a tree, all alone at night as a fire sends sparks up into the sky. He sighs.)

_Its easy to feel like you're all alone,  
To feel like nobody knows…  
The great that you are; the good that's inside you…  
Is trying so head to break throouuugh!_

(He lies down and rolls over, and suddenly comes face to face with his Grandfather's walking stick. He holds it in his hands gently.)

_Maybe it's your time to lift up and fly!  
You won't know if you never tryyyy!  
I will be there with you all of the way…_

(He smiles.)

_You'll…be…fiiiiine!  
_

(Scene cuts to Nick running through a field, bounding with great strides, a beaming smile on his face as he faces the sky, the sun and the day.)

_Don't!  
Let!  
Anyone tell you that you're not strong enooooough!  
Don't give uuuup!  
There's nothin' wrong with  
Just bein' yourself, that's more then enooough!  
Some come and raise your voooiiice!  
Speak your mind and make some noise!  
And sing  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Make some noise!  
Hey!  
Hey yeeeaaaaah!  
_

(Scene cuts to Jade, who's sitting on top of the Antiques store, looking at the moon and the stars.)

_You want to be known…  
You want to be heard, and know you are beautifuuul!  
You have so much to give; some change you wanna live  
So shout it out and let it shooow!_

(A shooting star suddenly appears. She sees it and gasps, then closes her eyes, making a wish.)

_You have a diamond inside of your heart…  
A light that shines bright as the staaaars!  
Don't be afraid to be all that you are,_

(She opens her eyes again, and unbeknownst to her, a golden pair of eyes watches her, with a kind smile to match.)

_  
You'll be fiiiiine! _

(Scene cuts back to Nick, only know the demon kids are running behind him, as he encourages them on as they run towards a new day. He's giving Richard a piggyback ride.)

_Don't!  
Let!  
Anyone tell you that you're not strong enooooough!  
Don't give uuuup!  
There's nothin' wrong with  
Just bein' yourself, that's more then enooough!  
Some come and raise your voooiiice!  
Speak your mind and make some noise!  
And sing  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Make some noise!  
Hey!  
Hey yeeeaaaaah!_

(Nick stands over the plains of Hell, facing down dangerous-looking demons. But he's not alone. Friends stand by him. He points at the foes and they all charge!)

_You can't just sit back and watch the world change,  
That is what you've got to saaaay!_

(Now Jackie is shown at San Fran, lifting Jade up from the ground, hugging her. They look up and suddenly a shooting star goes over them…)

_There's no one else who can stand in your place,  
So come on it's never too laaaaate!_

(But it's daytime. They both smile.)

_Maybe, it's your time to lift up and fly…  
You wont know if you never tryyyy!_

(Scene cuts back to the field, everyone's running behind Nick, as he cheers them on from the front. Camera cuts to each and every important character in the story, showing their name.)

_Don't!  
Let!  
Anyone tell you that you're not strong enooooough!  
Don't give uuuup!  
There's nothin' wrong with  
Just bein' yourself, that's more then enooough!  
Some come and raise your voooiiice!  
Speak your mind and make some noise!  
And sing…  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Make some noise!  
Hey!  
Hey yeeeaaaaah!_

_Hey!  
Hey!  
Make some noise!  
Speak your mind and make some noise!  
And sing…_

(Nick jumps up into the sky, and now flies over everyone, flying high up through the clouds, passing through Heaven itself.)

_Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yea; make some noise!_

_  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Make some noise!_

(He waves at the angels, then flies back down to everyone else, touching down at the top of a hill where everyone's waiting, the same hill from earlier before, from the first season. A new character, a young man in a red, white and blue t-shirt waves him down. He's got a "Spider-Man" backpack on.)

_Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Make some noise!_

_  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Hey yeah!  
Make some noise!_

(Nick salutes with his middle and pointer finger, and the title appears above the whole group as they stand impressively upon the hill. The words "SEASON TWO" appear below the title.)

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

THE TRIALS OF NICK, PT. 2

A youth looked around the deserted streets. He had a small brown ponytail and reddish brown eyes. He looked awfully handsome, and was pretty well-built. He had on a blue "Superman" t-shirt, white pants, black sneakers and a bandanna on his head that was colored to look like the American flag. He had a "Spider-Man" backpack.

"You sure this is the place?" He seemingly asked the streets, which didn't answer. Apparently though, he got his answer all the same. "Right, then. Okay, here I go…" He took out a book from his backpack and read through it.

"Okay, uh…let's see…I'm not that good with magic yet. Ya gaa mee mo, ya gaa mee chi-wah…ya gaa mee mo, ya gaa mee chi-wah…ya…"

A circular portal opened up from the ground, glowing a bloody red. It looked an awful lot like it belonged down in…

HELL…

Nick felt horrible. Sick.

It was like he was going to puke, that he WANTED to, but he couldn't actually bring himself to do it. Like he was on the verge of doing it, but not enough. And worse still, he felt like something terrible was trying to pull him apart from the inside. It was the most awful thing he'd felt…

_I wanna go home…I want my mommy and my daddy…I want…_

…_Dave…_

_Lilo…Stitch…my ohana…_

_If only you were here, you would know what to do. Oh, God, I feel awful, I just-_

Suddenly he felt calmer…the feeling of being pulled began to go away. He still felt sick, but now he felt he could control it. He had no idea how, but he sure was grateful. Nick then looked up and around him.

The whole place was dark, with a dangerous-looking and murky river right in front of him. There were some far off, majestic but frightening-looking gates across from him and the shore he stood on had black sand. It stung his hands, so he jumped up quickly. He tried to fly too, but…

Fell on his butt. "OW! Huh?" He stood up and tried to summon up a burst of flame. Nothing.

What the?

"Don't bother, whatever magical powers a mortal has gets sealed away in Hell, boy. Along with all yer stuff." A tired, slightly annoyed voice told him. He looked up and saw a gaunt-looking, pale-skinned being who…who had no face…just fiery eyes. The rest was featureless, everything sunken in, just MISSING. It was freaky.

"Um…I take it you're Charon?" Nick asked. He should have been more scared, but it said a lot about him that this wasn't the weirdest thing he'd ever seen.

The faceless old man nodded. "Yeh, I'm Charon. Yer that kid they've been talkin' 'bout. That boy, Nick Grey. Yeh in a heap 'o trouble, kid. You've got the Heavenly Host all up in a ruckus and every demon down in here doesn't know whether teh shake yer hand or rip yer f--kin' heart out!"

The accent the guy had calmed Nick down a bit. It was sorta funny. But the situation wasn't. "Great. Once more I piss everyone off." Nick grumbled.

"Hey, just get in the boat, kid. I'm takin' yeh to Minos. He'll tell you where yer te go, alright?"

"Um…okay…"

"Yeh know, yer pretty calm. Most people'll freak out at da sighta me, y'know. Maybe you're…nah. Don't seem likely."

"What?"

"Sometimes temps end up down here. You a temp? Somethin's off about yeh."

"A what?"

"A temp. A temporary. A guest."

"I dunno, the Jade Emperor damned me to Hell, I don't THINK so."

Charon shrugged. "Whatever. Come on kid, let's getcha to Minos. If yeh were alive, I wouldn't take yeh, but you don't feel alive…then again, yeh don't feel dead…to here with it. Get in. But I don't suppose you gots any-nah, you don't gots any cash. Just hop in, kid."

Charon ferried Nick over the river, and Nick didn't once look over the side, at Charon's advice. Instead he began singing "I'm A Lumberjack" by Monty Python softly.

"Kid, why ye singin'?" The creepy boatman asked.

"It calms me down and cheers me up." Nick answered. "Ohh, I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a braaa! I wish I'd been a girly...just like my dear papaaaaa!"

Charon, if he could have, would have raised an eyebrow. There WAS something odd about the kid...he made the boatman wanna sing along as well! In any case, the two reached the other side and the large doors of the gate swung open as Nick walked in. He didn't read the top, he already knew what would be there...the Latin words "_Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate_", or "Abandon all hope you who enter here". There was a huge, elegant, Victorian-style hall with a big red carpet in front of him. At the end was a plushy chair with a friendly-looking yet odd Grecian man. He had a curly black beard and golden rings on his fingers. He was fingering a golden cigar and he wore a golden, bejeweled little crown that almost resembled a ribbon, called a diadem.

"Well, well, well! What HAVE we here?" He laughed. "I am Minos, a judge of souls. There would be others here, I thought Osiris would be free, he's quite eloquent…alas, they're all busy today. We've got BIG plans, don't you know…BIG plans. What with the big split and these plans of invasion and the chaos that's erupting up above…say, you're Nicholas Michael Grey, aren't you?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I'm Nick Grey."

Minos snapped his fingers. Suddenly Nick was flying through the air, and then quickly deposited in front of Minos, who stood up, examining him, walking around him and examining Nick like he was prime rib on sale. "Hmm…let me see…ooh, a fine-looking boy, aren't you? Could you take your clothes off?"

"_**WHAT**_?!? No!"

Minos rolled his eyes. "I detest when they do this sort of thing…don't you know that, although it's quite cliché, "resistance IS futile" down here? This is Hell, kid, get used to it." With that, suddenly a long, green, strong-looking tail unwound from behind Minos, creeping Nick out. It rushed towards Nick and managed to grab his waist. Luckily that was ALL it grabbed, because Nick immediately did the only thing he could think of…he kicked Minos in the balls.

A few moments later, Minos was back in his chair, groaning horribly, sitting in a particular fashion so as to not agitate his sore balls. His tail was curled up and whimpering. "That was…quite a…a lovely little kick you have." Minos said in a squeaky voice. He took a few deep breaths and regained his composure. "Why, back in Greece, I know quite a few Greeks who'd want to, uh…what's the term you young people use now? "Swizzle your pixie stick"?"

"Huh?"

"All right, I'll put it another way…I know plenty of Greeks who would have gladly  
"done the nasty" with you."

"What?"

"You know, sexual encounters my boy!"

"…EW."

Minos rolled his eyes. "Honestly, do you know ANYTHING about sex, boy?"

"I don't watch a lot of dramatic, love-story movies or read that kind of racy stuff in the Library." Nick defended. "There's better things I could do with my time…"

"Like ticking off the Jade Emperor himself?" A voice asked.

Nick turned to the left. Someone was leaning on a large pillar of the hall. He had strange, dazzling green eyes. Eyes that seemed reflective and filled not with sight, but a strange kind of light. It wasn't a really bad kind of light, just…creepy, chilling. He had fiery, spiky red hair that hung down from his head, with four long, thin strands of hair spiking up from the front. He was wearing a dark leather jacket, a studded belt and dark sneakers. He had a tattoo of a hawk of some kind on his right hand and sparkling white teeth.

Minos raised an eyebrow, blowing some smoke from his cigar. "Ah, the Prince of the Southern Regions of Hell delights me with his presence. How are your 26 legions?"

The demon Minos addressed shrugged. "Oh the usual, fighting for respect, cred, nothing special."

"How's Agares?"

"He's doing fine. His hair's grown out." The demon looked Nick over. The eyes seemed to stare into his SOUL. "So…you would be Nick Grey. I have to admit, I expected you to be a bit…skinnier."

Nick blushed. "Well, I'm TRYING to lose weight…"

The demon leaned off the pillar. "Oh, where are my manners?" He bowed politely. "Please, allow me to introduce myself. Prince Vassago, Demon of Prophecy, Commander of Air Demons and a Ruler of the Southern Regions of Hell."

Nick gulped. "A…A prince of Hell? Oh boy."

Vassago laughed softly. "Oh, relax. I'm not going to eat your skin or anything. I'm not that kind of demon."

Nick blinked. "Really?"

"Yes. Don't you know there are those of us with a "good" nature? Well, the Heavenly Host doesn't believe it, but it doesn't REALLY matter what they believe. Quite a few of them used to believe that "Ol' Scratch" wouldn't fall, and we _all_ know what happened!"

He looked Nick over a bit more. "Say, you look a bit depressed. Did Minos try to fool around? Want to hear a joke?"

Nick looked a bit surprised. "Uh…I guess…"

"Okay!" The demon prince said cheerfully. "Bill Gates died and went to hell. An angel met with him and said "Bill, you've done some bad things AND some good things, so we're gonna let you choose where you want to go." So Bill looked at Heaven, and saw angels flying around, playing harps and pearly gates and a big golden city. Then he looked at Hell and saw beautiful beaches and women with large floppy breasts-"

Nick sniggered. Vassago went on. "So Bill picked Hell instead of Heaven. The next day, the angel went down to Hell to check up on Bill and Bill was being tortured horribly. He complained "What's going on here? Where are all the beaches and beautiful women?". And the angel said "Oh that was the screen saver." Funny, huh? Ol' Scratch liked that one."

Nick snickered. This guy _was_ funny.

Vassago raised a finger. "But uh, don't call Satan "Old Scratch". Only friends of his can get away with that. And don't **ever** call him Samael. It's his old, angelic name. Not that you could really address him as such anyway, since the big split." He advised. "Anyhow, now that we're introduced, allow me to explain why I'm here…I'm supposed to guide you to where you'll be punished for all eternity and such. You're my charge, as it were."

Nick's smiled faded. "Aw, dang." Minos snapped his fingers and a wine cup appeared. He chugged from it. "Now move along, go with the nice prince." He commanded. "I have a lot more people to see. Shoo, shoo!"

Nick walked over to Vassago, sulking. Vassago patted him on the shoulder. "Don't be mad at me, I'm just doing my job, child. Now come along, I'll show you the shortest way. You DON'T want to see the long way. It's a horrible sight, really."

He whistled, and a passageway in the walls opened up. "This way. You're a special case like quite a few others who were sent down here, so keep your eyes peeled. Tell me if you know who you're passing by."

They entered into a long hallway that had doors lining up and down. Vassago kept speaking. "Just as Heaven's general form is that of a man, Hell is in the form of a demon, but since it would literally take forever to go all around it, there are passages like these that essentially shortcut trips for people like me…and you, the "lucky damned" of course."

"Uh, how am I lucky if I'm in Hell?"

"Well, you're getting special treatment. But good point, good point. Oh, look, Agares is finished with Adolf. Nick, meet Agares."

An old man with very pale skin, a dark red robe and eyes like a hawk stepped out from one of the doors. He was riding on top of a crocodile, which gave a quick glance at Nick before letting out a contemptuous snort at the poor soul Agares had walking in FRONT of the crocodile…Adolf Hitler. The mustache was unmistakable.

Agares turned to look at Nick. "So THIS is Nicholas Michael Grey." He had a hoarse voice, friendly voice that reminded him of Mr. Tasey from down the street, a war veteran from WWII and who had also served some time in Vietnam. "I am Agares, formerly a Prince, now a Grand Duke of Hell's Eastern Regions, and a commander of 31…"

"30." Vassago interjected.

"31!"

"30!"

"31!"

"30!"

"Legions of demons?" Nick asked. They both nodded. "Yes."

"Uh…why is Adolf not wearing any pants? And why's he wearing that funny black leather stuff?...and why does he have a red ball strapped to his mouth?"

"It's his punishment." Agares explained. "His punishment is different every day; it's rotated on a schedule. Today he had fruit shoved up into his rectum and it was my turn to pick the fruit. I picked cherries."

"EW." Nick exclaimed, making a face. Adolf said something in a muffled tone.

"I'm sorry, what?" Nick asked.

"He said "it's better than getting pineapples". I don't really like this sort of punishment, I'm not that kind of demon who's all gung-ho on this sort of thing. I mostly enjoy reading, teaching the ignorant masses down here different swears in different languages and demonstrating my power over runaways. I can make them come back to the homes they belong in or stand stock still. Interesting, isn't it?"

Nick whistled. "_Woo_! Nice. So you're another "good nature" demon?"

"Yes. Although good's hard to build up in others, it's also very hard to snuff out completely."

Nick nodded, remembering a few good friends he'd made on his previous adventures. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Why even the the Worthless One has a soft spot for youths, he-oh, I'd better not say any more." Agares held his hand over his mouth. "I must be more careful."

"Um…but…about Adolf? Why does he have those clothes?...and a ball in his mouth?" Nick asked.

"They're very, VERY degrading…" Agares started.

"And extremely uncomfortable." Vassago finished. "As for the ball, well…we all got tired of his ranting and swearing."

"Mffll-mrrgh!"

"Now, now, no need for that kind of language."

"Muffafudda!"

"What was that?"

"Muffafudda!"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak muffled."

"MUFFAFUDDAAAA!!!"

"Oh, for SHAME!" Agares said, kicking Hitler on the butt. He let out a sharp "YOW" of pain which was muffled by the ball and came out as "YOH".

"This seems really mean." Nick commented.

"Hey, this is Hell, kid." Agares said. "Get used to it."

Nick looked across the hall and saw something that he recognized very well. "Hey, I know who _that_ guy is!" He exclaimed, walking over to the doorway he was peeking into. The window showed clearly an almost-naked, Grecian man trying to push a large boulder up a hill. "Sisyphus! I know that poor sap. He tricked Death into chaining itself up and was so prideful they gave him a task nobody could outwit…"

"Yes, rolling that boulder up the hill. Whenever it reaches the top, it rolls immediately back down and he must start over. He deserves it, he wasn't just too consumed by hubris, he was also a killer."

"Look out, look out!"

Agares ducked to the side with Adolf and the croc, and Vassago and Nick also followed suit. A blond and white-haired man with long hair, wearing regal-looking but tattered attire was tied to a flaming wheel and was being unceremoniously rolled down the hallway by what appeared to be a young Egyptian boy with unmistakably otherworldly eyes. From the looks of it, the boy was a djinn of some kind. He was wearing traditional ancient Egyptian attire, and looked kind of cute to tell the truth. He noticed Nick was staring at the man on the wheel.

"New?" He asked in a calm tone. Nick nodded. Vassago did as well. "This boy is my charge." The djinn nodded, understanding, and then jabbed his head towards the man on the wheel.

"This guy's Ixion, former king of the Lapiths. He flirted with Hera when he was invited up to dinner at Mt. Olympus, and so now he's going to be rolled throughout the underworld for all time."

"That sucks." Nick commented.

"You have no idea." Ixion commented, groaning. "Every bone in my body aches and I think I broke my bottom and worst of all they didn't even let me change out of my clothes that I had when I went up to the dinner party on Olympus."

"So?"

"SO after I hit on Hera, Zeus turned a cloud into Hera's image. I couldn't control myself, I made love to that thing."

"Oh, _**gross**_." Nick said, making a face.

"And he didn't take his clothes off to do it." The djinn snickered. "Sticky, sticky, sticky. And he smells awful too, don't you?"

"I have no regrets!" Ixion called out as he was wheeled out. "We're working on THAT!" The djinn/boy called back, laughing.

"That Bartimaeus…anyway, head on to the…oh, 7th door. It'll lead you to the pathway of Pandemonium. From there you'll have to walk with Vassago to your punishment."

Nick nodded. "Uh…okay…" He agreed.

Meanwhile, not too far away…

Dazzling golden eyes opened. White, shining claws stretched, and golden scales shimmered in the burning light that the fires of Hell provided. "I can sense him. He comes. Soon…he shall be here, and mine to deal with…"

Vassago, back in the corridor with Nick, walked him to the 7th door. Nick could hear groaning from door to door, intense groaning and screaming. Then there came the 6th door…where there was no sound at all. Or…or any kind of light.

"Jeez, who the heck's in THERE?" He asked Vassago, who flinched a tiny bit. "Watch it." He told Nick. "Watch what?"

"Behold, Nicholas Michael Grey." Vassago opened the door up. He then walked Nick inside. Nick suddenly stepped back because Vassago had become encased in a fiery, demonic aura that lit up the room…

And there, in the corner of this room that had no light, no bed, no ANYTHING but wall and floor…was a man. He had a slightly scraggly beard, darkened skin, dark brown eyes, a raggedy mustache and his hair had many split ends. He wore clothes similar to that of Jesus, only his robe was light brown, with a red collar. His feet were roughened up, as were his hands. He looked liked one of those people whom you at first THINK are tough, but are really nice guys when you get another better look at them.

"Judas Iscariot." Vassago told Nick. "The sole occupant of room 6 for all time."

"Hello." Judas Iscariot said politely.

"Uh…hi…gee, I feel kinda awkward. Jesus Holy Christ, you're-"

"AAA!!!" Vassago screamed, grabbing his head. "Don't say his name!"

"Whuh?"

Vassago groaned. "Saying the name of a holy being down here is painful to us demons down here in Hell. We just know them as "Enemies", get it? So just…just don't say their names. Please?"

"All right, all right. You DID say please."

Judas sighed. "I did what I had to do. I was sent to Hell for betraying Jesus-"

"AAA!"

"Get some earplugs!" Nick told him.

Judas went on. "And…and I had to do it. He had to die to save the World. I got that. He told me I'd have to do it. Said if I really cared about him, I'd go through with it. Said…said it was my destiny."

Nick felt sorry for this poor sap. "Hey, um, Judas? I, uh…I wanna-"

"Save it." Judas muttered suddenly. "Nothing you can say can make me feel better. I had to go to Hell, but in doing so, and in making sure Jesus-"

"AAA!"

"Get some earplugs, man!"

"Wouldn't…really…help…ugh."

"In making sure that the messiah was betrayed…then ultimately Hell will lose the war."

"So the Enemy believes, anyway. Best of luck to the Heavenly Host." Vassago commented. "I like a good challenge. Although that angel of God's fire infuriates me. He sent me to Hell as a slave once, but I rose back up quickly enough. If I see him again…" Vassago's normally calm demeanor turned very nasty. It was as if dark flames suddenly sprung up around him. "I will KILL him. I'll rip his wings off and tear the flesh from his bones."

"Okay, chill." Nick said, raising his hands in a "calm down" gesture. "Now let's all just chill."

Judas leaned back a bit. "I have to put up with this until…well, maybe one day I'll be free. But that's all that gets me through the day. The hope that I might break free. Otherwise, this is the worst possible life I could have ever imagined. I'm always hungry, sick, cold, hot…EVERYTHING…and I'm afraid of the dark." He added in a squeaky tone. "Really, really afraid."

Nick nodded. "Hey, I understand, I used to be afraid of the night."

Vassago patted him on the shoulder. "Well, we had best get going. Normally neither Judas nor really ANYONE is allowed visitors, but I'm a big softy, so I won't say anything if you don't, okay?" He walked outside. Nick took off his backpack (which was still on his back) and pulled out a pop-tart.

"Here." He said. "It's strawberry. Pretty sweet."

He handed it to Judas and walked out after Vassago. It all went dark again. Judas was alone once more.

But for the next fifteen minutes, that didn't matter. For the first time since he'd arrived in Hell, Judas was happy. And it had only taken a little company…

And, of course, a pop-tart.

"That was d—n decent of you." Vassago complimented as he led Nick to the door that would take them to pathway known as Pandemonium. Nick just shook his head. "It was just the right thing to do."

Vassago opened the door. Pandemonium was very, very beautiful in a frightening sort of way. It was like a cavern of a cave, and although there were burning pyres of fire all over, lining an elevated path over a lake of fire, the pathway itself, the stalagmites and stalactites and roof and walls of the cave were made of beautifully carved, shining gems of purple, blue and dark red. There were small islands in the lake of fire, also composed of different gems.

"Ooooh!" Nick commented. Vassago chuckled. "Pandemonium is filled with danger, but _is_ very beautiful. It is like a garden of roses, it draws you in with its beauty, only to prick you when you get too close…and the prick is deadly. In any case, I'll have to take a different form here in order to better keep you safe from those that might want to have some fun with you. I believe in following orders, true, but _not_ in "playing around with the new fish" as some demons like to do."

Vassago walked out onto the path, and closed his eyes. Suddenly he got down on all fours, and began to change, body becoming blood red, growing larger and larger…his green eyes became large and wild, his teeth became razor sharp fangs, a tail grew out, he became covered in scales with draping wings made of scaly feathers. He was now a dragon. He turned to Nick.

"Now we can proceed. Follow next to me and do not look over the edge. You are my charge, I have a duty to look out for you." He told the teen. Nick nodded, impressed by the transformation. He followed next to Vassago as the Prince of Hell led him down the pathway. The gems on the ceiling twinkled slightly overhead.

They walked for what seemed to be a long time. It was an almost peaceful walk, sort of…reflective.

"You know, you're awfully calm about all this." Vassago commented. Nick shrugged. "I guess. It could be worse!"

"How, exactly, could it be worse?" Vassago asked, honestly surprised.

"I could be feeling sick." Nick said. "Or I could have a guide like Minos. OR I could really be a sinner, in which case then I'd be feeling like crap right now." Vassago stopped walking, turning to look directly at his charge. "So you don't feel bad?" He asked.

"Nope. I know better." Nick said, shaking his head vigorously. "Know what?"

Nick grinned. "I'm glad you asked!"

**BGM: Always Look On the Bright Side of Life, by Monty Python**

The watch sprang to life, playing music.

"Some things in life are bad…they can really make you mad! And other things just make you swear and curse!"

Vassago nodded, agreeing.

"When you're chewing on Life's gristle…don't grumble…give a whistle! And THIS'LL help things turn out…for the best!"

He spread his arms dramatically. "Heeyyyy!..."

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

He whistled happily. "Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Always look on the light side of life!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

Nick beamed. "If life seems really rotten…" He poked Vassago's chest. "They're something you've forgotten!" He twirled away, spinning in a pirouette. "And that's to laugh and smile and dance and SING!" He spread his hands to the sky, laughing.

"When you're feeling dumps, don't be silly chumps! Just purse your lips and whistle, THAT'S the thing! Come on!"

Vassago gave it a try. "Um…er…"

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

"Come on! Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

"That's it! Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

The song echoed through the passageway, going up and down, entering the rooms of the dammed that they'd passed by. As they listened intently, some of them began to pick up on the rhythm, tapping their toes or bouncing their feet in tune to the music. Judas himself bobbed his head as he munched on the pop-tart.

"For life is quite absurd…"

"And death's the final word."

"Right! You must always face the curtain…" Nick bowed. "With a bow!"

Vassago smiled. "Heh."

"Forget about your scene…" He came up, grinnin'. "Give your audience a grin! Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow! So…"

_Always look on the bright side of death!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Just before you draw your terminal breath!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

"Life's a piece of s--t…when you look at it! Life's a laugh, and death's a joke, it's true!"

"You see? It's all a show, so keep 'em laughin' as you go!"

"Just remember that the last laugh is on YOU." Vassago said, jabbing a claw into Nick's stomach. The song continued, with more and more people hearing it throughout Hell. The beat was catchy!

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Always look on the right side of life!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

_Always look on the right side of life!_

"Woo-woo, wa-woo-wa-woo-wa-woo!"

"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN!" Some angry demons shouted at their charges who just wouldn't shut up. Astaroth groaned and covered his ears.

Eventually the singing died away. Things returned to normal, or as normal as they got, down in Hell. Things were nice and quiet in Pandemonium.

"…it's quiet." Vassago muttered. "TOO quiet."

Nick looked at him. "Hey, how do you know-"

"Those in Hell know everything about the Past and the Future…just not the Present. The Heavenly Host…especially that mortal Dante says that once the Great Enemy wins and all of time comes to an end there will only be a Present, thus we will know nothing."

"Wow. So tell me, are you a Star Wars fan?"

"And I've seen "Shrek"."

"Isn't that such a funny movie?"

"I particularly liked it when the ogre gave the knight the chair." Vassago chuckled.

Nick laughed. "You really ARE different! I don't know why people think you're ALL bad."

Vassago sighed. "Child, it used to be that the majority of the people in Hell are evil. But some of us weren't _completely_ evil through and through…myself included. And you've met a few others…but you're lucky. You have yet to meet the worst of the worst. Their kind would LOVE to get their hands on you and torture you. You'd probably go to the Northeast section, in region 1."

"The Northeast? Region 1?"

"Yes. That's where we keep a majority of our white, "Western World" inhabitants. They're separated…"

"From their friends and family?"

"Naturally, but more importantly from the minorities."

"WHAT?!?" Nick shouted. "You gotta be **shittin'** me! You _segregate_ in _Hell_?"

Vassago stopped and gave a nervous shrug. "Well…yes…kid, this is Hell. Get used to it. And although you don't really seem evil enough to be down here, things have changed. You see, a long time ago the Devil was-"

Suddenly a loud "CRACK" broke the silence. Vassago looked down. His bright, big green eyes widened. "**Back**!" He shouted, shoving Nick back with his tail. Nick flew back and barely landed on his feet, finally falling over on his hands and knees, scraping his hands. He stood up and saw the bridge falling, collapsing into the searing sea of lava below. Vassago turned and looked at him, tossing him a brief glance filled with honest fear, and then fell in. Nick saw him trying to rise up on his wings, but suddenly huge chunks of the ceiling fell down and one impaled his wing. Purple/black blood oozed out and he screeched horribly as he fell into the lava. Nick looked away, covering his ears and closing his eyes. He could still here muffled screams that finally died away.

He slowly opened his eyes and turned back to look at the bridge…

There, a sick, smug grin on his face, was a frightening-looking demon. He had his hands on his hips and his eyes gleamed with a bright, cruel light.

But that wasn't what was frightening. What was freaky was that he was a KID. He had curly black hair, a smooth body, a very handsome face and well-toned muscles. Plus he was almost buck naked, only wearing a small breechcloth. He had angelic wings but they had been turned a sickening black and he had a strange looking dark purple tattoo over the left side of his body, running up to his heart and down to his waist. His hair curled up in two parts like…horns.

And he didn't even look like he was out of Elementary school!

"That Vassago's such a drip. He never wants to have fun. He just "does his duty" then goes off to read or watch a movie or something with his other "noble" friends. Pfft! What a bore! One time he did something cool, going up to the mortal world as a serial killer but does he come back a conquering king NO, he comes back a defeated slave and yet he STILL ends up getting his power back…what's up with that?!?"

Nick blinked a few times, unsure of what to say. Finally he asked…

"Who the heck ARE you?"

The kid rolled his eyes. "Sheesh. Come on, you _know_ who I am. _**Everyone**_ does. I'm the Lord Demon of Wrath, the Great Serpent, formerly known as the Viceroy of Heaven and I resided over the Seventh Heaven an eternity ago. I'm…"

"**SATAN**." Nick gasped. "The angel God cast into Hell !"

"Bingo! Got it in one! And here I thought you were a "reeee-taaarrrrd", ha-ha-ha-ha!" The foul little "child" laughed. "Yeah, I'm Satan, the Heart of the Devil."

"Hey, how come you didn't get bothered by me saying "God"?"

Satan looked at Nick like he was an idiot. "I'm special, that's why. Now you probably want to know what I'm doing here. It's very simple…"

Satan sneered. "Now you're MY charge, and I'm in the mood for some fun, the kind which on your world usually involves body bags. Now then…" He snapped his fingers and Nick hovered in the air, NOT on his own accord. "Come on, I've got a few people whom I'm sure you're…dying to meet, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" His laugh was silvery, almost a giggle, a corruption of a normally innocent expression of joy. He calmly floated through the air with Nick right behind him, who was half in shock but still conscious enough to allow anger into him.

"You can't just go and kill your fellow demons you…you stupid little brat!" Nick shouted. Vassago had been a demon, true, but he hadn't deserved to die like the way he had. "Aren't you guys supposed to follow a hierarchy and supposed to respect the rules of Hell?"

Satan went "pfft". "Like I care. I'm of higher rank. One of the Seven Archfiends and one of the Devil's Avatars. And since you're now MY charge, I can do whatever I want with you…why do you even care?"

Nick blinked a few times. "Huh?"

"Why do you care about what happened to him anyhow? He's a Prince of Hell, a force of darkness and evil, right?"

"But…he wasn't all bad…and he…he saved me." Nick said quietly.

"How stupid. You're such a re-tard. You and your stupid "this is black, this is white, and that's a grey area" crap. Honestly, humans drive me nuts."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Nick demanded to know.

"There's not "black, white or grey" for me. Everything goes as long as it makes me happy! And what really makes me happy is wiping the smile off of someone's face. I mean that literally, I can actually take someone's mouth and…aaah." He sighed happily. "Good times, good times. Only problem is they can't scream. That's annoying."

"You're crazy." Nick realized in horror. He felt chills rack through his body. "You're abso-fucking-**crazy**!"

"Oh, _shaddap_." He waved his hand, and suddenly Nick's mouth MELTED into his face. Nick couldn't scream…

But he certainly tried.

Meanwhile…

Long Oah had gathered his children at his home. They were all watching Shendu doing a portal summoning. Shendu had wanted to prove to his father he could be a good sorcerer, and now this was his only chance. Blossom watched, fearful of the outcome. Xan looked on, skeptical.

"All right, let's begin the test. Shendu! When I say go, you go, okay?"

"Right, father." Shendu agreed, bowing.

"…go!"

Shendu began. "Ya go me wow ya ga mi chi wa…"

"...oh…nice, nice handwork, good, strong chanting voice…oh, oh my! Now THAT is an excellent portal!"

Xan snorted. "Oh please. That's nothing, let _me_ do one!" He stepped forward.

"Xan, careful, you'll wreck my concentration!" Shendu complained.

"Shut up, idiot! Let the GROWN-UPS do this!" Xan snarled. Then HE began chanting as well. The portals were side by side…

"Watch it, they're combining, they're-"

Xan's eyes widened. He was slipping towards the combined, huge portal. "What the-**AAAA**-!!!"

A moment later, he was sucked in. Shendu stood there, gaping, horrified at what he'd done. Long Oah blinked slowly. And then…

He began clapping. "Very, very good! I KNEW there was a reason I picked you to be the Demon of Fire!"

The others gaped at the space where their brother had vanished. Shendu was led away by Long Oah as he praised him on his "superior technique" and "great flair".

Xan had been sent down to Hell. In the year 33 AD, just a few days later…

Shin would, without a doubt, be joining him.

**Author's Note:**

**In the movie "The Incredibles", as a part of one of the special features, the creators of the movie explain that the idea of a government program shutting down all superheroes...death by red tape, in a way...seemed to fit better. It wasn't just plain sad, it was a slap in the face. I mean, you beat down Dr. Doom eighteen times over only to get a paper shoved in your face that says you have to give up being a superhero or else? How embarassing! And being condemned to Hell based on the rules and guidlines of the Other Side appealed to me. **

**Now you might be wondering what the deal is with the "Devil's Avatars", or perhaps you're still wondering what's going to happen with Jade and the others. The good news is that I'm not going to kill any of the main characters off...**

**The bad news is...not YET. So keep your eyes peeled. And don't worry...it's all coming together. **

**Oh...and please review my story! Tell me what you think, really! Mahalo plenty. **


	17. The Trials of Nick, Pt3

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

THE TRIALS OF NICK, PT. 3

"Xan is gone…_they're_ soon to go…I'm…I'm not long for this world…"

Shin Dell, Demon of Shadow, spat out white blood from his mouth. He had terrible, bloody wounds all over him and was crawling through the forest to the clearing he'd spent so much time at.

It had happened simply enough. He'd been hanging around town, when he thought he'd spook some people, just for fun. They looked new to town, white newcomers. Shin appeared before them in first his human form, and then in his demonic form.

"Boo!" He said, laughing. "New here, are you?"

There had been three of them. Two had run. One hadn't.

He'd been a magician.

Pain, pain EVERYWHERE. Hot knives, digging into him all at once, being ripped apart, that's what the spell had felt like. Shin had bled profusely as the town suddenly gained "courage" and ganged up on him, kicking his whimpering body over and over. Then they dumped his body near the forest. Now he had only one chance…

"Only…one way…to keep from going…going down there…I…I won't go down there, I…I WON'T…I know what they'll do with me…I've read the prophecies…"

He held his hands together and chanted. Then he took some of his blood and drew a circle around himself with strange symbols all around. He let out a final gasp as the last letter was completed, and fell to the ground.

"It's…it's finished. And who knows, maybe…maybe I'll see you, brother…that…that…" He smiled. "That wouldn't be so bad…I heard the view from Heaven's…quite a sight…"

A moment later, he knew no more.

Another moment later, his body was gone…

Up on the mortal realm, there was chaos. Down in Hell, things were getting wild too. And up in Heaven…a massive attack was being planned.

A golden-haired angel was inside of a huge hall with his fellow archangels all standing around a large, round table. The hall itself was made of white marble that shone brightly, with golden banners around it. A beautiful mosaic floor was all around, and the ceiling was painted with dazzling, baroque-style paintings that honored the glory of God. There were birds flying around, at the moment they were swans with golden bands around their necks. They flapped by the archangels, honking a few times.

The golden-haired angel had shimmering silver armor, an unsheathed greatsword with an elaborately designed hilt that was cross-hatched and an angelic script written on the perfectly-round pommel of the sword. The writing read "Who Is As God", a nickname for the angel. The hilt was long and thin so that, if needed, the angel could forgo using his huge, silver shield that had more angelic script written all around its rim. The angel had pale blue eyes and a perfectly chiseled face that screamed "Hot action star". He also had a holy tattoo that ran down the right side of his neck that extended onto his chest armor, only in white lettering instead of in black. He wore a golden belt and emerald greaves, with the writing "Who Is As God" written on THEM as well, and had majestic wings like those of a swan's. This…was Michael. He was Guardian of Jacob, the Angel of Righteousness, Warrior of God and Angelic Prince of Israel. If he ever wept, it was both a saddening and dangerous sight, for it usually was followed by a terrible slaughter on Michael's part, for her was the most passionate warrior in all Heaven.

"I am glad you came so quickly." He told his companions. He stopped. "Wait…where is…"

"He is not here. He said he had "Extremely important business". Apparently it has to do with someone who was sent unjustly to the Inferno." One of his companions replied calmly, with a friendly voice. He had very long, thick locks of raven-black hair that were silky smooth and grey eyes that radiated a sort of firm yet fair love. He had movie-star looks like Michael, only he looked more Eastern European in facial appearance than Michael, who looked more Western European. He had no armor, but wore thick, white robes of heavy cloth, with a tattoo running up and down his right arm, and had a big, thick silver belt with more angelic script upon it that read "God Is My Strength", the nickname for him. His wings were dark purple, and he had very well-built arm muscles. He carried a long, silver horn on his back, strapped on next to a farming scythe with an ash handle that was seven feet in length and whose iron blade was nearly five feet long! This…was Gabriel, Governor of Eden, The Angel of Mercy, Spirit of Truth and Hope and Prince of Justice.

Michael crossed his arms, shaking his head. "Why does he continue to insist on going down there? He hardly ever finds any who deserve pity."

"That depends, I believe, on the views of the one who's looking AT the condemned." Gabriel said firmly. He didn't approve of Michael's "Who cares about the wretched" attitude. Michael's primary function was kicking ass. It was Gabriel who took names though, since he was the one who received the most prayers for Heaven and who also chose which souls would be ready to be born onto the Earth.

"Seriously though, what in Heaven and Earth could he be doing in Hell?" A red-haired, bright and green-eyed archangel replied curtly. "He ought to be here, duty to Heaven comes before anything else!" He said with the sting of bitterness entering his voice. He had a "pretty-boy" face that sort of resembled a British person's facial physique. He had fiery locks and wore red, lightweight copper chain mail along with a golden belt. It had "The Fire of God" written in angelic letters on it, and he also wore orange pants that looked like a tight fit for his strong legs. He had a burning red longbow and carried burning arrows on his back in a golden holster. The skin on the top of his hands was very smooth and his stare was piercing and intense. He had blazing, dark red wings and carried an aura of anger about him. This…was Uriel, Presider over Tartarus, the Angel of Vengeance, Archangel of Fire and the Prince of Lights. His job was to punish those who defied the Will of God and the Heavenly Host. He was viewed by almost everyone as the most fanatical and pitiless of God's angels.

"…Do you remember when he said he would…return?" A monotone, chilling voice rang out through the hall. It belonged to an archangel clad in completely black robes, with a hood to match. His face was handsome and resembled someone of Spanish descent, although his skin was a frightening grey. His fingernails were perfectly cut. His lips were smooth and his eyes were almost pure white. He had dark, black eyebrows and the white hair he had was almost unseen in the folds of the robes. He had marks on his skin that you couldn't see under the robes, but which were a combination of the marks of Death and of Destruction, twisted into one effigy. He had angelic script of white letters running across his face, going over his nose. They read "Whom God Helps On Their Way". This…was Azrael, who was the Ruler of the 3rd Heaven, Angel of Death and Destruction, Slayer of the Firstborn of Egypt who delivered spirits to the other side. He carried with him his black scythe that had golden runes on the blade which was a quote from Exodus: "And he shall pass over your door, and you shall not suffer the Destroyer to come in and smite thee". Azrael did not bring personal beliefs into his job…he simply did it, that was all. He was almost atheistic in his attitude.

Gabriel shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. I simply don't remember."

Azrael sighed. Then he was silent once more. Uriel raised an eyebrow. "All right, I HATE it when he does that. Michael, Gabriel, Azrael, let's just start without Raphael."

Gabriel protested. "Now, now, we have to think of Raphael, he is our brother and…"

But Michael wouldn't have any of it. "No, he's right. Raphael would understand, and if he doesn't, tough. If he wanted to be a part of this, he would have stayed. He'll have to get someone else to fill him in later on. Now let's start this meeting."

Azrael slowly raised his hand over the table and concentrated. A large picture appeared on the table, showing Heaven, Hell and Earth, and the paths that connected them to each other.

Michael pointed at Hell. "We have received reports that Hell is preparing to launch an attack right on Heaven. As you all know, Metatron, the voice of God, has not instructed us to do anything for two weeks. He simply does not speak, and as such we cannot know what it is that God demands of us. Down in Hell, the definition of "sinner" has been expanded, at EXACTLY the same time that Metatron fell silent. Coincidence?" Michael raised an eyebrow. "I think NOT."

The others nodded in agreement. Michael went on. "Hell is without a doubt the cause of our Grand Father's silence and for the increasing chaos that's being unleashed down upon Earth. Therefore we will have to take initiative and prepare for a full-on defensive attack to wipe them out and keep them from getting into Heaven. Send them all straight BACK-TO-HELL." He jabbed his finger on Hell with every exclamation. Uriel nodded.

"My longbow and I are always itchin' for some action, as you know Michael. I'm ready to teach those demons not to f—k with the Heavenly host!" However, when he said "F—k", a cow mooed instead of the regular word coming out.

"Watch it, watch it!" Gabriel exclaimed. "Watch your mouth, Uriel! Swearing gives us headaches if we use it too much up here, remember?"

"It's not like anyone call tell what I'm saying, what I'm REALLY saying! Those-"

**SFX: Dolphin Chirp**

"-ing sounds block the curse word out. It's annoying, just like that rule that makes it impossible to lie up in Heaven or the words of the liar shall ring out like iron bells."

"I know, I know. But you've got to control your swearing all the same, and as your brothers, we know what you're trying to say. So reign your temper in." Gabriel told Uriel admonishingly.

Uriel looked annoyed. "Relax. I can control it." He snapped.

RING, RING, RING!

"HEY! Well, I'll TRY." Uriel growled.

RING, RING, RING!

"…all right, I'm gonna need some help." Uriel sheepishly admitted. Michael laughed. Azrael let a single chuckle out. Gabriel patted Uriel on the shoulder.

"That's more like it! All right. Now say it after me. "Fudge."

"Fudge."

"FUDGE."

"…fudge."

"Good. Now say "fudge it"."

**SFX: Arrow swish**

"-it."

"No, "fudge it"."

"F-f-f-fudge it."

"Good!"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Are you going to do anger management all day or are you going to help me prepare the troops?"

"SIR! SIR!"

An angel in combat gear suddenly ran in. He was panting and frightened. "A demon's appeared up at Heaven's gate, it's…it's the Demon of Shadow from the East!"

Michael gasped. "They've already sent men up? Well _capture_ him! We'll get as much information out of him as we can. Get the interrogation/torture room ready!"

The angel nodded. "If you're sure, commander."

Michael gave him a look. "Of COURSE I'm sure. There's a lot of work to do…"

He walked outside and down some pearly steps towards the shining city of Heaven with it's domed buildings, solid gold columns and beautiful white floors and ceilings.

_We know that they are coming…_

_We know they'll be here soon…_

_They may want to be inside here…_

_There just isn't any room!_

_We can't allow their evil…_

_Which they dare to call "fun"!_

_We have to make a stand right now…_

_Something must be done! _

Uriel nodded. "You're absolutely right…"

_Just yesterday I saw one, he was standing at the gate…_

_He looked as though he wanted in, I couldn't let him WAIT…_

_So I took out my bow…and I shot 'im fulla holes!_

_With my "points" made, they'll be on the run…_

_For something must be done! _

Outside, people sang throughout heaven.

_Something must be done! Something must be done!_

_They're on their way, they ALL will pay!  
Something must be done!_

Azrael spoke up, slowly, methodically.

_I see what others cannot see, I know of all their lies…_

_I can recognize a saint as a demon in disguise…_

_Just put me at the front lines, I'll make all of them run…_

_The number who I'll let escape: absolutely none._

_I swear it on the holy cross, something WILL be done!_

More cheering as the archangels made their way through Heaven to the room where the prisoner was going to be kept.

_Something must be done! Something must be done!_

_They're on their way, they ALL will pay!  
Something must be done!_

Gabriel had been quiet for a while. But now he spoke…

_Normally I hate to be the one who must complain…_

_But we're prone to making mistakes so we must not do so again…_

_Maybe we should wait for our brother to return…_

_After all he has seniority which we all have yet to earn!_

_Don't get me wrong, I hate the hordes, and love the Father's Son…_

_But perhaps we all should wait for Raph…_

The shout rang forth:

"BUT SOMETHING **MUST** BE DONE!"

_Something must be done! Something must be done!_

_They're on their way, they ALL will pay!  
Something must be done!_

_Something must be done! Something must be done!_

_They're on their way, they ALL will pay!  
Somethiiiiiiing…_

_Must…beeeee…dooooooone!_

Gabriel groaned. "Never mind…"

BACK DOWN ON THE MORTAL WORLD…

"I am going to _kill_ you."

"That's nice."

Jade had been tied up to a tree and Bai Tsa was watching over her. Hsi Wu had already delivered the Chans a message: come and get her. Your life in exchange for hers. And if they didn't come within half an hour…

Bai Tsa grinned nastily. "I can't wait to CRRRRRKKKKK-" she made a growling, scratching noise as she drew one clawed, webbed finger across her own throat in a threatening gesture that signified Jade's fade. Jade looked down at the bonds she was tied in. They were made of what appeared to be blue steel.

"Don't bother trying to bust out. Those are made of the rushing power of the oceans. None can escape from them."

"_Tch_. Yeah, yeah…" Jade grumbled. She wished she'd brought a talisman with her.

Hsi Wu grabbed her chin and made her look at her. "Stop struggling. You can't get out."

"Lemme GO!" She shouted.

"You're spunky. I like that." He laughed. "You WILL make a fine bride in the future."

"I don't want to be a bride to a demon!"

"Oh, it's not that bad being a bride to a Demon of the East. Tso Lan had a bride, he was quite kind to her, although they did have a few kinks to work out at first…"

MANY, MANY YEARS AGO…

Tso Lan was standing on the balcony of a castle, watching over his land. "Oh, what are they doing down-aaaah, that's _interesting_…"

"LET ME OUT! PLEASE!"

"Hold on, hold on." Tso said to his wife, who was in a glass case with air holes poked in. She'd tried to run away. "I'm watching a servant catfight in the corn fields!"

"I SAID LEMME OUUUUTT!!!"

"No. I'm trying to-ooh, now they're making out?!? Hmm. I always thought they were a little odd."

His wife muttered something. Then suddenly she had an idea.

"Oh, Tsoooo…"

**SFX: Sexy music**

He turned around and saw her pressing her body against the glass, removing her upper clothes. "Hey sweetie…want to get _**naughty**_?" Tso raised his eyebrows.

"Ooh, ooooh…" She said, rubbing her breasts against the glass, those breasts so full and sexy…now she was jiggling them! JIGGLING! "Oh yeah, you know you want it!" Oh, and now she was licking the glass, someone kill me, she was licking the glass.

Tso looked to the left of the case and saw a sign over a hammer that was stuck in the wall. The sign read "In Case of Sex Emergency".

Well, the catfight HAD turned him on. "Aw, what the hell!!" He shouted, and dove for the hammer.

PRESENT…

Something suddenly came to Jade's mind. "Hey, who was that Haruno girl you were talking about earlier?"

Hsi Wu paled. He let Jade go and his wings folded low as he turned away, slumping. Bai Tsa sighed, a little bit annoyed that he was losing his cool in front of the "bait".

"Haruno…she was this Japanese girl that moved to our hometown. This loser fell in love with her. Of course naturally he couldn't show her his true form, so he took one similar to the one YOU know, only…"

"Older?" Jade guessed.

Bai Tsa nodded. "By a little, yes. Apparently she liked him a lot too. But he didn't want her finding out whom he was or who our father, Long Oah was. So he told her he was just a common boy whose father sold fruits for a living. Her own father didn't want a girl of "noble blood" to be marrying a commoner and one night he-"

"He struck her on the head. I found her, dying. I told her, showed her what I was, and…and…" Hsi Wu covered his face. "She said she…she still loved me, and that…that she wanted me to find someone who would make me happy."

Jade suddenly felt really sorry for Hsi. She could understand what that felt like, losing someone you cared about. She'd lost her grandma a while ago, they'd been very close. In fact, everyone said Jade's grandmother was just as much a tomboy as Jade was.

Bai Tsa didn't say anything for a while. Then she spoke back up.

"He killed her father for what he did. He deserved it. Then Hsi buried her and tried to move on, but he never really has, ever so often he remembers her…just like he remembers you, unfortunately. He couldn't stop thinking about you, he's been muttering your name in his sleep…"

Hsi Wu snapped at Bai Tsa. "Shut up! Don't tell her that!"

Jade grinned a bit. "Talking in your sleep? Aww, that's so cute!"

Hsi Wu blushed. "It's not funny! And _she_ does it too! She fell in love with this Chinese coast guard member who painted her this big painting, Bai's a huge art fan."

"I just went to check on it, actually." Bai Tsa admitted. "It's still there, right in the sealed cave I magically preserved it in."

"She never lets any of us see it though. Why not?" The Sky Demon asked.

"Because he made it for ME!" Bai snapped.

Jade rolled her eyes a little. But inside she was hoping for two things: one, that Jackie and the others would get there soon, and two…

To find out more about these demon's personal lives. Their life stories were sounding pretty interesting, to be honest…

WAY DOWN IN HELL…

"I'm…going…to kick your ass when I get outta here."

"Uh huh. Yeah right."

Nick had been rudely dumped up, body sore and bruised, next to Drago and more importantly, Richard, which made him a little bit happy. But being moments from intense torture from Astaroth ruined his good mood. At the moment, Astaroth was going through a huge chest filled with various torture devices. Drago looked pretty bad, he had cuts and scars all over his body, and almost all of his horns had been cut off.

"I can't believe this is happening." Nick groaned. "YOU can't believe it, I can't believe you're from another world!" Drago exclaimed. "Tell me…what's it like?"

"Well, it's a lot like your world…only magic is regarded as not existing, people don't see demons and dragons and freaky spirits everywhere they go, and GOOD PEOPLE DON'T GET SENT TO HELL!" He shouted at Astaroth, directly addressing Richard's predicament. The poor kid had had both ears chopped off, but then after Astaroth had had some "fun" with Drago he'd turned on Richard and had promptly cut the child's feet off.

"Oh, they'll grow back." The torturer had told him. "In a couple weeks, anyway, heh-heh."

Richard wasn't speaking. He simply hung there, crying silently, from the stockades he was in. Astaroth stopped rummaging through the chest and turned around, holding onto a pair of tongs and what looked like really scary dental equipment.

"You evil, foul, muscle-bound FREAK!" Nick screamed with anger. "He's just a baby!"

"Oh, shaddap. This is Hell, kid. Get used to it." Astaroth growled in response to Nick's fervent outburst.

"I thought good people didn't go to hell." Nick snarled, spitting a little.

Astaroth shrugged. "Not normally, but people who break the laws of the Heavenly Host are sinners and must be punished."

"Richard's not a sinner."

"He's a demon. Same diff, according to the guys upstairs. And it doesn't really matter if he's not much of one. Ever since the voice of the Enemy turned silent and since the Devil split himself up into parts in accordance to our Grand Lord's rule, the term "sinner" applies to a lot more people." Astaroth grinned evilly at this. "Now then…" Astaroth put the dental equipment down and went back into the chest. He found something and put it in his mouth. Then he turned around.

"Ever seen "Silence of the Lambs"?" He asked, grinning evilly. He had replaced his teeth with razor sharp metal fangs. Nick gulped. "Oh, crap."

"Shall I call you…Clariiiice?"

"Hey, shut the f—k up!" An angry, rough voice shouted.

"YOU shut the f—k up!" Another tough voice answered back with just as much anger.

"ALL of you shut the f—k up!" Astaroth yelled furiously. A huge crowd of angry-looking, very tough humans were being led, in chains past them by some imps. "Those are the wrathful." Astaroth explained. "We're on the border of their circle, and they're being taken to where they shall be punished for all eternity."

Richard asked a question. "Hey, uh, how come Nick's da only one who's sweahs awen't bweeped out?"

Astaroth looked stupidly at Richard, then at Nick. "Huh?"

"When he sweahs, there's no funny line mahk. What's going on?"

"I dunno." Astaroth shrugged. Nick looked at Richard. "Line marks?" He mouthed.

"Yeah, I see line mawks."

Nick thought about this.

_Line marks?…hmm…okay, I'll have to test that out later. Line marks…_

"All righty then…" Astaroth grinned again. "Any…last requests?"

Nick sighed. "I dunno, I…"

Suddenly his watch began to beep. Nick looked at it. It read "Say It Loud by James Brown".

He suddenly got an idea. He looked over at the crowd of the wrathful and saw there were a huge number of African Americans, kids who had died in street wars and who had been so tied up in "icing" each other that they hadn't stopped to think about what they were doing. It was a horrible way to live, a rotten way to die, but at the very least, them being here meant…a chance…

"Yeah, I've got a request." Nick grinned at Astaroth. "Say it loud." He asked the demon.

Astaroth blinked. "What?" The African Americans in the crowd looked surprised.

"Say it loud."

Astaroth looked nervous. The African Americans were looking VERY angry right now.

"Say-it-loud!"

"Grrr…you…you…YOU…"

"Say it **loud**!"

Drago suddenly understood what Nick was trying to do. He joined in. "Yeah! Say it _loud_!"

"Say it loud!"

The imps suddenly realized what Nick was up to. They looked from Nick to Astaroth to their charges, who were about to go wild.

"SAY it loud!"

Astaroth growled furiously. "Why you, you, YOUUUUU!!!"

"**Say it **_**LOUD!**_"

"OOOH! I'm **BLACK** and I'm **PROUD**!"

That…did it. The black people in the crowd surged forward with incredible fury, and the other wrathful were just dragged along by the rush. They jumped on Astaroth and began punching, kicking, biting and scratching, all the while shouting things like "The HELL you say, sucka" and "mothaf—king cracka!" and such. It was really quite a sight. The imps immediately ran to go get…

No, not help. Popcorn. They came back to watch the whole spectacle take place. And Astaroth was unable to knock them off. Soon a bunch of the angry black people had grabbed the torture equipment and were attacking him with it. Nick of course, couldn't stop laughing at the whole scene, Drago chuckled madly, and Richard blinked a few times.

"Uh…what's going on?" He asked. "I can't tell very well…"

Nick looked at him. "Well, you see, Richard…black people have been trying to overthrow a yoke of-oh wait, you can't hear me."

**SFX: Crickets chirping**

"Awk-waaarrrrd!" Nick said out loud, rubbing the back of his neck. "In any case, I'm glad my watch knew what to do even if I didn't. Now then…"

He walked past the crowd of wrathful that were tearing Astaroth apart and over to the chest, getting out a crowbar. He walked over to Drago and Richard's stockades and tore them free with a mighty heave-ho. Drago dusted himself off and smiled grudgingly. "Uh…thanks, human. Since you helped me out, I promise not to eat you alive." "Uh, right...I'm SO enthusiastic." After watching Nick's expression for a few moments Drago burst into laughter. "Just kidding! I don't eat teens. They taste funny. And you could stand to lose some weight, add more upper body muscle…"

Nick whistled. "WHOO-WOO! Yo! "Big D"! You can criticize me later, I'm busting you two out of here. Come on."

Carrying Richard on his back, Nick led them away. The threesome snuck past some stalagmites and away through a nearby dark corridor, out of sight from Astaroth, the crowd of wrathful and the imps. They began walking through the corridor, and Nick could hear screams at the end.

"What's down THERE do you think?" He asked, frightened. Drago shrugged. "Aw, those are the thieves, the liars, the hypocrites, etc, etc. I know quite a few people who belong down there." "Me too." Nick muttered angrily.

They reached the end of the corridor and Nick saw a terrible, frightening sight. There were huge gorges, filled with people who were doing what appeared to be something resembling a running of the bulls. But they were being chased not by bulls, but by serpents, lizard-like demons and other frightening creatures. And Nick knew they didn't stand much of a chance against them, even though their numbers were greater.

"Oh wow." Richard gasped.

"People down here are chased and attacked by serpents and demons. If they get bitten, the agony's supposed to be unbearable. Sometimes they get turned INTO snakes, or force-fed snakes and toads and other vermin. So they just run and run until they can't run anymore and the demons catch up." Drago said in a matter-of-fact way.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I…I know-oh…oh my…no way. No fricking way!"

He saw a mop of blond hair. Blue eyes dazzling. That face…

Nick immediately turned to Drago. "Drago, you still have your powers?" Drago shook his head. "No, they took 'em away." Nick groaned. "Well, at least I have this crowbar."

Nick turned back to the gorge. "Well then, I'll just have to do this on my own!" He muttered. He was about to rush down in when Drago stopped him. "Wait…why do you want to go down there?" Drago asked, intrigued.

Nick pointed down into the crowd of screaming, running tortured souls. "That…that kid down there, he's…he's Mark Lee, and he…" He shivered, eyes getting teary. "He…used to be my best friend."

Drago blinked a few times. "What?"

Nick rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. "A long time ago, I had two best friends. Mark Lee and Matt Tierinni. Matt's still my friend, but Mark…I'd known him a bit longer than I'd know Matt, from back in 3rd, 4th grade. He was a Jewish kid I made friends with. We always hung out. One night I invited him over for a sleepover…"

Nick shivered. He remembered the incident too well.

"It was…about two, three years ago. I woke up in the middle of the night. I heard something. Don't know exactly what. The next morning after Mark left…Dave, my brother, said he was missing money. Mom said she might be missing some too. I was missing some as well. I…I couldn't believe that Mark would take any money from us though. I was ALWAYS losing money, and Dave was always misplacing stuff and blaming me or my friends for it. I defended Mark over and over, I never believed he did it, but…but seeing him down here…"

Drago nodded. "I get it. He MUST have been a thief."

"I'm not from this world. But…but it stands to reason that there must be a Nick Grey in this world. And that the Mark Lee in this world stole from that Nick Grey, and died soon after, and…and is now here, in Hell because of it. I…I still don't think my Mark took it, but…" Nick gripped the crowbar. "That doesn't matter anyway! I'm breaking Mark out of here! And you two as well! And I'm going back for Judas!"

Drago gasped. "WHAT?!? Judas Iscariot!?! But…but all those in Hell know that breaking him out means upsetting the Natural Or-"

"He DOESN'T deserve to be down here. I'm breaking him out." Nick insisted. He held the crowbar up and put Richard down. "Now watch over Richard. I'm going down for Mark."

Drago crossed his arms. "Why should I watch over this blind little demon?" He asked, annoyed.

Nick leveled his crowbar at Drago. "You have no powers. _I_ have a fracking _crowbar_. And I saved you from eternal torment. Do this, you'll be closer to being even with me. Now WATCH OVER RICHARD." Nick growled angrily.

Drago nodded eagerly. "Y-y-yes, yes sir!" Nick nodded back and made his way to the edge of the gorge, lowering himself down to a precipice below, then to another one, and another one, until he'd almost reached the bottom. He could see Mark Lee coming up and fast.

"Mark!" Nick shouted, waving his crowbar high. "Over here! Over here!"

Mark saw Nick and his eyes went wide. "N-Nick? How…how on Earth did you?-"

"No time to explain! Get over here!"

Mark shoved and pushed his way to Nick, who helped him up. "Glad to see you again, Mark. It's good to see another friendly face."

Mark suddenly burst into tears and embraced Nick. "Nick, I am SO, SO sorry. I…I stole that money, and I didn't tell you, and then…then I got run over while I was out on a walk, I-I-I am so sorry, I'm a low-down dirty thief and-"

Nick rubbed his blond, messy hair. "Mark, it's okay. I'm your friend, remember? Now come on-" He looked past Mark and saw a serpentine demon approaching, hissing right at him. His eyes went wide. More were approaching from behind. "Quick, plug your ears!"

Confused, Mark did so. Nick then calmly watched the demons approach and, a moment later…

"Speak your final words and die!" The apparent leader hissed. It looked like a pet that you'd flush down the toilet because you got bored with it and then it would come back up one day to eat you alive!

Luckily, Nick not only knew ways on how to piss people off, he knew how to totally put them off!

"Okay, fine. You know, a few weeks ago I went shoe shopping for some nice white sneakers and my mom was just-"

"Ugh. Shoe shopping!" The leader's assistant groaned.

"Shoe shopping?..." Another one moaned.

"SHOE SHOPPING!" Yet another one shouted, and everyone walked off in a different direction, mumbling "Shoe shopping" in a bored tone. Nick turned back to Mark.

"Now then, let's get out of here."

"Hold on you little sneak!" It was the leader from before growled. "That's not going to work on me! I'm a woman!"

"…I _really_ couldn't tell!" Nick said, laughing.

"RARRRR!"

Mark began climbing up while Nick readied his crowbar. The demon reared itself up and struck at Nick with its fangs, the crest on top of it's head flaring up. Nick whacked it back with his crowbar. "Back off! Ya! Ya!" The demon hissed. "That's MY prey you're helping to escape! Do you know what torment awaits you for this blasphemy?" Nick stuck out his tongue. "Ask me if I **care**."

The demon hissed again and tried to bite Nick, but Nick's crowbar stopped him. Nick shoved him back and the demon fell on it's back, twisting. Nick climbed up a bit and then turned around, whacking the demon back some more as it tried to snap at his heel. Mark was at the top and he helped Nick up. Richard looked from Drago to Mark to Nick.

Nick looked down at the ground, nervous. He wanted to tell Richard who Mark was, but Richard couldn't understand, his ears were…

Wait…they had grown back! Along with his feet! And Drago's horns, to boot!

"What the? How?" Nick asked. Drago was feeling his horns lovingly and going "oh, babies, don't leave me again" in a creepy fashion.

Richard shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I heard them talking. I'm supposed ta have healing powers. They shouldn't be wowking though, unwess…"

"Unless what?"

Richard looked at Nick's necklace. "Nick, I think…I think that necklace has some magical twace in it. I didn't see it befoh, It's gwowing funny. They didn't check it when dey sent you down hewe…"

Drago suddenly realized what this meant. "So he's still got some aura left in him? A trace left over in his apparel?"

Nick looked down at his necklace, then at his watch. "Wait a minute. If my magic comes from my aura, then how come I can't call up a spell?"

Drago rubbed his chin. "Well, although magical powers can come from a person's aura, they are only extensions of that aura, and not the aura itself. Therefore the source of your powers is still there, but the powers themselves have been stripped instead of you losing both powers and source. Which means…"

"Someone big MUST be looking out for me. Talk about a lucky break! If this is true, then…then maybe I might be able to get my powers back somehow in some way!"

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what's going on?"

Nick patted him on the shoulder. "I'll explain on the way. Come on. Drago, we need to find where the demons are reborn after they die in Hell. Where would they go?"

"Which demon are you looking for?"

"Vassago, prince of the Northern region of Hell."

Drago rubbed his chin. "Well, we're in the Eastern region. We head…" He pointed across the gorge, there was a large bridge stretching across it, made of what appeared to be polished ebony. "In THAT direction, we should reach the Northern palace where Vassago and the other vassals of the Northern region reside."

Nick nodded and nodded at Mark. "Stick close by and I'll explain what's going on as we go on the way, okay?"

Mark nodded. "Sure thing." He said. "Though I doubt anything you have to tell me could be any wilder than what's happened to me so far!"

Nick grinned. "Aw, I wouldn't say that. You see it really all started back when I went to this film…"

MEANWHILE, BACK UP ON EARTH…

Jackie, Uncle and Tohru got out of their car. Jade looked at them, then at Bai Tsa, then at Hsi Wu, who floated above them, grinning cheekily.

"So you came. Now then…empty your pockets. I want to make sure you didn't bring a blowfish or a flute or anything like that. Not that I think you would, that would be…" His eyes narrowed. "RECKLESS. And I'd rather not have to kill Jade in front of you." He added, gesturing towards her. Jade gulped.

They emptied their pockets. Wallets, a cell phone, some gum. Nothing. The Sky Demon smiled and floated back down to Earth. "Good. Now then, on the ground. Hands behind your head-"

Suddenly there was a loud thunderclap. Everyone looked up. Hsi Wu blinked a few times.

"What the-? He stopped mid-sentence. The sky had turned a sickening, frightening hue of red. The clouds had become black. Lightning split the sky.

Jade gasped. Jackie gulped. Tohru looked down at Uncle. "Sensei, what is going on?"

Uncle removed his glasses and polished them. "I…I am not sure I want to know…" He muttered. "But I do know. Uncle knows. It…it's the beginning of the end, Tohru. This…this must be what the demon spoke of. This city of man's destruction has come."

Jade began squirming around. "Gemme out, gemme out, gemme out!" Bai Tsa snapped at her. "Shut up! You can't break free from those so-"

They were LOOSENING. Somehow, in some way, they were loosening. Bai Tsa blinked. "What? That's…that's not-" Then she took a better look at Jade's aura.

She'd remembered it from before. It had been wily, but not nearly as strong as it was now. It was blazing fiercely, eating away at the bonds. It was as if she'd been supercharged with magical ability!

Bai Tsa snarled. "I don't know how you're doing that, but I'm ending it!" She raised her hands to bring them down on Jade and slash her…

Hsi Wu suddenly grabbed her wrist. "That's enough." He growled. "She's MY slave and you'll not touch her." Bai Tsa shoved him away. "You're too concerned about her! Have you forgotten what she's done?" "I don't care! She's my slave and you'll not touch her!" "Idiot!" "Moron!" "Fool!" "Witch!" "Hanyouu!" "Baka!"

They began cursing at each other in rapid-fire languages. Jade groaned. How was she going to get out of this?

Then someone tapped her on the shoulder. She tilted her head as much as she could. A youth with a golden-blond ponytail smiled at her. He looked very handsome.

"Who are you?" Jade whispered. The demons were still busy arguing. The youth smiled. "Hi. I'm nobody special, just the one who's breaking you free." He told her. "As soon as you're loose, run. And go get all the people you can to rise up against those demons. If you can banish them…"

"Back to their portals?" Jade asked.

"No, you'll have to send them straight to Hell." The youth said. Jade gasped. "It's the only way. Do that, and the city will be saved. Only you can do it. Only you." With those words, the mysterious boy lowered his hands to her bonds and began to make hand signs, chanting silently. Jade's bonds silently dissolved and she ran over to her family while the two demons still argued and the boy quickly vanished into a nearby alley.

"You always cared too much about sex and not enough about duty!" "Oh don't talk to me about sex, sister, I know about you and that sailor Hwang, remember?!?" "It was NOT LIKE THAT!" "Sure it wasn't!"

The car, filled up with the Chans, took off. Jackie hugged his niece tight. "Oh, JADE! I'm so glad you're okay!" Jade turned a little red. "Jackie, you're squishing me!...but thanks. This kid saved me, he knew magic, I've never seen him before though…"

Uncle however wasn't paying attention. "We've got to get back to the shop to stock up on good chi!" Uncle told them. "And find symbols of immortals so that we may banish the-AY-YAI-YAAA!" He had looked in the rearview mirror and had seen that now someone was approaching from behind them…Tchang Zu, the Thunder Demon.

"Oh look! Target practice!" Tchang Zu snickered. He was riding on a thundercloud and tossing lightning bolts here and there. Now he was tossing them straight at the Chans, so Jackie weaved the car back and forth to avoid being turned into a crisp. Torhu looked out the window at the demon, and then shoved his head back into the car.

"Um…how about some tunes?" Jade asked. Tohru nodded. "Um, yes! Some tunes! Good idea." He turned on the radio.

"Rampant attacks and massacres throughout the city of San Francisco have stirred up riots in several major cities across the United States. Hate crimes are on the rise in New York City, Chicago and Detroit."

"_Detroit_?" Jade exclaimed, skeptical.

"But what does the man on the street in other countries have to say? And how does America respond?"

"We CONDEMN these acts by American agents!"

"No, seriously, I STILL don't give a s—t."

"God f—k America!"

"All those guys can think of are their precious pottery. We've lost American lives over here, and all they can think is "Oh, my precious Ming vase"? What about the guard who gave his life defending it?!?"

"That guard had to work a 15-hour workday for minimum wage. He was already dead inside."

"F—k Nick Cannon!"

"F—k Dave Chappelle!"

"Uh, the views we are presenting in this report do not reflect those at the station!"

"Seriously though, maybe if we all stopped killing each other and flipping each other off and sat down to try and figure out how to STOP these atrocities, then maybe we could get something done."

"Well, that stuff's aboot as likely as Hell freezing over, eh?"

Tohru shut it off as a lightning bolt struck a nearby building, sending gravel, rubble and glass all over. Jackie swerved to the left and avoided a large chunk that had been about to go through the window. "Uh…Jackie…are we going to die?" Jade asked. Usually she didn't think about death, but it looked like this was it. REALLY it.

Then the thunderbolts stopped. Tohru sighed in relief. "Phew. We must have given him the slip."

Suddenly Jackie stopped the car and it came to a screeching halt. There in front of them was Tchang Zu, grinning evilly.

"Uh…never mind." Tohru gulped.

"Out of the car. Now." Tchang Zu barked. They all clamored out. Tchang Zu tossed an electric ball of lightning up and down in his palm. "Hmm, who to start with?" He wondered out loud. "Perhaps…yes, the girl. She'll spark nicely. Maybe your head will explode first." He sneered and threw it right at her. Jade gasped. Jackie turned to try and push her out of the way. "JAAAADE!"

BOOOOM!

**Author's Note:**

**Reviews are good. They make my day. Please tell me what you think! Don't be shy. If you just HATE me for leaving you with a cliffhanger, or want to ask me when so-and-so from the show will show up or ANYTHING at all, say so!**


	18. Bring it All Together, Pt1

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER NOW! PT. 1

The archangel calmly tapped his foot.

"Hmm-hmm-ha-hmm…"

There was absolute silence all around him. A few moments ago, a certain Demon of Shadow HAD been lying on the cloudy ground, but now there was nothing.

"…heh…"

Azrael, the normally humorless Angel of Death, began to laugh.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! This is really funny! You think that "If I don't make any noise, he won't know I'm here."

More silence.

"And now you're thinking-ha-ha…you're thinking I'm bluffing, right? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!"

Azrael's face became fully etched with a mixture of grim purpose and frightening intent. "But I'm not, demon. I promise you I'm not. You have my word as an archangel."

MORE silence. But now it was strained.

"Oh don't bother trying to get away or anything. I know you're thinking it."

"…"

"I can SEE the invisible. I can taste your pheromones, child. Don't waste my time. You think you can hide from the Angel of Death?"

"…oh…" A certain someone sighed, still invisible. "**Yikes**! Oh no, oh no..."

"Oh yes. Now then…" Azrael held up a white blanket. "Let's begin…shall we?"

"Yikes! Wait, I-wait-"**_ WHUMP!_**

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

The white blanket over his head was removed. Shin looked up, blinking a few times. He faced down the Archangels of Heaven who looked at him with distrust, hate, near-indifference, and in one case, pity. He was sitting in a room with grey, reflective walls, in a wooden chair with a large table in front.

"All right, demon. Take a good look."

Michael tossed some scrolls in front of him. They rolled open, revealing increased horde movement. A few others were photographs of San Francisco. The chaos was terrible. There were people that had been slaughtered, houses were crushed and wrecked…the one that caught his eye was that of a child staring at his wrecked house, holding onto a teddy bear in one hand.

Shin's voice could barely be made out. "W-w-w-what is this, what…what's going on?"

"What are they up to?" Michael asked directly. "What's Hell up to? What are the plans of the demonic hordes? Talk!"

"I-I-I don't know what you mean, I…I can't believe this is happening, this is…this is awful…"

"It's your little friends from the East that are causing chaos in San Fran." Uriel growled angrily. He was practically foaming at the mouth as he leaned next to Shin, looking right at his frightened, almost bloodshot eyes. "What's the connection? What are they up to?"

"I don't, I don't know, why would they do that?" Shin muttered, unsure.

WHACK! Uriel smacked him in the face. "AAA!" He screamed. That had really **hurt**!

"TALK! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!?!"

"I don't know anything, why are you doing this to me!?" Shin wanted to know.

TWHOCK! Uriel struck him on the back of the head, very hard. Shin screamed in pain.

"WHO SENT YOU UP HERE, YOU B—TARD!?!" The last word was replaced by the sound of a bell ringing.

"I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Shin wailed.

Azrael held up his scythe menacingly. "Talk." He said simply. The threat hung in the air. Gabriel put a small paper in front of him. "Sign here and admit your guilt and this will all be over."

"I duh-duh-don't know why you're doing this, I haven't done anything wrong, I don't know anything…" Shin blubbered. Uriel spat in his face. "F—king liar!" The f-word was replaced with a howl of a cat.

"Tell the truth!" Michael demanded passionately.

"I'M NOT LYING!" Shin screamed at him.

"I SAID TELL THE BLOODY TRUTH!" Uriel hollered right back. Shin shook his head over and over. "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know-"

Uriel suddenly grabbed Shin's arm and thrust it hard onto the table. Azrael held the scythe high. "No, please!" Shin begged. Too late. Azrael swung it down. Shin screamed horribly as it cut into his flesh, not cutting it off, but almost.

"Come on, my main man, talk." Michael demanded. "Or Azrael saws through. The Demon of Shadow is supposed to bring about the destruction of Heaven, as prophesized by many. The Demonic hordes no doubt sent you up to bring about our end. You know what's going on. Talk."

Shin kept crying. "I don't, I don't, I swear to God I-"

Gabriel suddenly held his scythe up against Shin's neck. "Do NOT swear to God. You can't swear to him. I'm very tolerant of many things, but what you have said…simply put, you do not count in His eyes. Now talk."

Shin buried his face on the table, body wracking with sobs.

"Come on, my main man. Talk."

"I-I-"

"Perhaps you need some different motivation. Pull down his pants."

Gabriel tore his pants down. Shin gasped. "Yikes!"

Michael pulled out two electric needles. "Now come on, my main man. Talk."

Shin was now getting angry, his dark aura spilling over. His demeanor was changing too.

"I'm gonna f—king kill you!"

"We've got all day and all night."

"Then we're in for a long night because I don't know s—t!" The Demon of Shadow swore. His swears was bleeped out by a standard "booop" noise, like those heard on TV.

ZAAAAP!

"AAAA!!!"

"Maybe we should get the boiling oil." Uriel eagerly recommended as Shin was shocked by his balls over and over.

"TALK."

"TALK!"

"Talk…"

"Talk."

Shin whimpered…

Jade whimpered. She was fully expecting to be dead. She opened her eyes, expecting to see pearly gates or clouds or angels fluttering around.

Streetlamps, a sewer grating, char marks from thunderbolts and her family…

And in front of her, a familiar cloaked being. His hood had fallen back, revealing his true appearance. His face was that of a serpent, and he had jade green scales and teal hair flowing down his head and neck, long and smooth, it flapped gently in the wind. He had golden, slender eyes and in his claws was the ball of electricity that Tchang Zu had thrown. He crushed it in his hands and it vanished in a shower of sparks. A red, serpentine tongue flicked in and out. He brushed back a lock of hair and turned to Jade.

"Are you all right, little jewel?" He asked gently. His voice was soft, slightly hissing, frightening and yet soothing.

"Uh…I'm okay." Jade gulped.

The demon nodded. "Good." It turned to face Tchang Zu. "They are my chosen!" He hissed angrily. "You are NOT to touch them! None of you are!"

Tchang Zu's eyes narrowed. "YOU. I know of you. I have heard Tso Lan speak of you. You are the Guardian. The one who guards the Heavenly Bell that resounds with the righteous ring of all that is good…the noble demon, King!"

King nodded. "I am he. And you are Tchang Zu, Thunder Demon of the East. Leave my chosen be and I shall spare your life!" His tongue flickered in and out, menacingly. "I allowed you and your siblings into this city because it sinned in removing the bell from its rightful place, but I WILL not tolerate you harming my chosen." King bore his fangs, pointing right at the Thunder Demon. "If you harm one hair on their head…" He clenched his fist hard. "I shall rip you into shreds over and over again."

The Thunder Demon stepped forward. "You do not seem so strong-"

"You want strength of lightning and thunder? I shall show you that strength!" King stretched out his arms, hands out and eyes narrowed as he uttered a single word: "THUNDAGA."

A huge beam of electricity split open the heavens and came down right between him and Tchang. It sparked and sizzled, digging into the ground and sending out small bolts of lightning into the air. Finally it vanished, leaving behind a HUGE, smoking crater.

Tchang Zu shivered. "V-V-Very well. I…I shall take my leave." He summoned his thundercloud and hopped on it, flying off. King turned to Jade, who had fallen on the ground, helping her up. "You are sure you are feeling alright?"

Jade nodded. "Yeah, I'm…fine."

Jackie took up a fighting position. "I won't let you harm my niece."

Jade shook her head. "Jackie, he's not going to hurt me. I think…because we were chosen, we're…we're going to be spared from all this."

Uncle stepped forward, adjusting his glasses. "Yes, I…I remember an old prophecy."

Jackie looked confused. "Old prophecy?" He asked, scratching his head.

Uncle nodded. His tone became that of a storyteller.

"Before the Demon Sorcerers walked the Earth at all…in the days of man's first waking steps, when he was just beginning to learn magic, a group of men, homeless and looking for a place to belong, arrived at what would later this city…and discovered something amazing."

Jade leaned in. Tohru asked "What did they find?"

"They found…a beautiful golden bell, placed there by angels after Adam and Eve had been expelled from the Garden of Eden. The bell ran when the wind blew, and brought beautiful music to the ears of all that heard it. It had the mark of the Almighty upon it, and was a blessed bell."

Jackie looked skeptical but said nothing. He usually doubted the old stories, yet his recent experience with the demons had made him realize that anything could be possible.

Uncle went on. "However the men discovered that another being was there…a large snake, an anaconda which had made its home where the bell was. It stared at them intently. None of them had brought weapons strong enough to take it down, and they were frightened of even moving. It could have devoured them all if it so wished it. However…one of the men could _speak_ the language of animals, and he struck a deal with the magical snake that had become the bell's unofficial guardian."

"What kind of deal?" Jade wanted to know. King then spoke. "I agreed that Man could build a home there if it wanted to where it's future generations could thrive, but the golden bell I guarded could NOT be moved from its original spot. That was my only condition."

Uncle nodded. "Yes, and so, though the Earth shook and continents shifted, the bell didn't move…but the anaconda lived on, guarding it as ages passed. As forest grew around the bell, the anaconda adjusted, and continued to love the bell and the people around him, feeling a bond of kinship that one has for one's neighbors.

But the anaconda knew that Man was flawed. Someday the Bell would be moved. So he prophesized: When the Bell of the Heavens is moved, then the city of man who's emissary moved it will be punished accordingly, but a family will be chosen to be spared…" Uncle's eyes flashed with keen intelligence and understanding. "That will have the power to redeem the doomed city."

King nodded. "Now you understand. This place is that city. If you have the strength, gather your forces. The worst is still to come. Soon all others within the City of Man shall be rounded up and annihilated. I can not stop what has been started…" He smiled enigmatically. "But you can…only you."

Jade gasped.

"Only you…"

"Only you…"

The boy had said those words too. So THAT was what they had to do! Work together to banish the demons! If they did that…San Francisco would be saved!

With that King walked off silently, vanishing into an alley. Tohru took out his cell phone. "Shall I…make the calls?" He asked Jade.

Jade nodded, slamming her fist into her palm. "Make the calls. The J-Team's back!"

Before Jackie could protest with "Don't bring them into this" Tohru began dialing rapidly. "Hello? Hello? Oh, Paco, how are you? What? Watching "South Park"? Oh, that show does not expand your mind! Where's El Toro?"

"He ees in the bathroom. Why?"

"When he gets out, tell him to pack this things and get over to San Francisco."

Jade suddenly spoke up. "Oh, ask Paco what episode it is."

"Of what?"

"Of South Park, duuuhh!"

Tohru blinked, but complied. A few moments later…"He says it's "Cartmanland." Jade beamed in anticipation. "Oh, sweet! Ask him if he's taping it, I heard it's sweet!"

"Uh, Paco, are you…taping it? Oh, you are? He is."

Jade grinned and punched the air. "Yesss! All right!" Jackie shook a finger. "Jade, that show does not expand your mind."

A huge chunk of debris suddenly flew through the air, crashing into a nearby car and destroying it.

"Uh, then again, now is not the time to talk about the expansion of minds. Tohru, call up Viper…"

Hsi Wu and Bai Tsa had finally stopped arguing. They now stood back to back, arms crossed. Both of them were made at each other and had blamed the other for letting Jade and the Chan clan escape.

"Hmph."

"Grrr."

Neither of them said anything. Then…

"…all right, I'm-"

"Sis, I'm-."

"_Sorry." _

They stopped talking and looked right at each other. Then they burst out into laughter.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Hee-hee!"

"The same time! I can't believe we said it at the same time!"

"Yeah, we haven't done stuff like that since we were kids-AAAA!!!" She grabbed her head. It stung horribly. Hsi Wu immediately went to his sister's side, holding her gently. "Sister, what's wrong?" She clenched her head tightly. "It…it stings…stings terribly…and it's all fuzzy…"

Hsi thought about this. For some reason he couldn't remember much from the past. But why was that?

Why indeed…

MEANWHILE, BACK DOWN IN HELL…

"You're really from another WORLD?!?"

"Yep! And seeing you has reminded me. I gotta call my world's version of you back up when I get back home. And that's the story!"

Mark gaped. Drago was visibly impressed. "So kid, you got superpowers, huh? Magical superpowers?"

"Yep! I'd better test them out. Let's stop for a second." They were now nearing the beginning of a large passageway that reeked and stank of rotting flesh and blood. Nick, who had stopped and put the crowbar away, puked on the ground in disgust. "GWUUAAAGH!" He gasped, catching his breath. A few moments later he stood up, groaning.

Mark looked around. "I…I know what this place is. They talked about it a few times in the synagogue I went to."

Nick turned to him. "Well…what IS this place?"

"Sheol." Mark whispered.

Before them now was a horrid passage of a dark purple roof with deadly, jagged obsidian rock that jutted out all around from the darkness of this passageway. Boiling, foul-smelling and undoubtedly poisonous steam was splurting out from festering pools of muck below the passageway, and it wove it's way up through the air, forming chilling shapes that seemed to want to engulf the four travelers.

"Sheol is called "The Pit" in my culture, in Jewish culture." Mark went on, frightened. "The prophet Abraham was once brought through these wastes and shown what would happen if the Jehovah's servants failed in their tasks…"

"Well, it's the only way to get to the Northern border to find Vassago. He was in charge of me when I got down here, and he's a friendly guy. I'm sure he knows how to get outta here." Nick told them.

They slowly walked across the passageway. Suddenly Drago stopped walking, taking in a harsh breath. "I smell…something. Something's here." He hissed angrily. Richard pointed off into the darkness. "Th-th-thewe's something out thewe!" He shouted in fear. Mark had picked up the crowbar and held it tightly in his hands. "I'll take it on! Whoever's out here, show yourself!"

Nick held his hands together. "Come on, please work." He prayed. "God, please let this work…RAY…OF…LIGHT!"

The cavernous passageway lit up. A glowing ball of light shone forth from the folds of Nick's grasp, showing what was there, climbing around on the jagged rocks, gazing at them with fiercely intelligent, shining golden eyes. The beast was a dragon, staring intently at them. He had sharp, deadly-looking claws, curved slightly. He had shimmering golden scales, a large orange/yellow crest upon his head that spiked up and resembled the rays of the sun. He had a long, winding tail and razor-sharp teeth, and his wings were regal and smooth.

He drew himself up to the height of the tallest rock and looked down upon them.

"So it is true. You are the Chosen." The dragon said. Its voice was very friendly and gentle, with an undertone that suggested great wisdom and knowledge.

"Who aw you?" Richard asked.

"I am known by many titles and names." It said. "What you may all call me for now…is Labbiel."

Nick was still holding onto the orb of light in his hands. Labbiel raised an eyebrow. "You still retain enough aura to manifest your powers…to a limit." Nick shrugged. "Yeah, so how do YOU know about me?"

"I know ALL about you, Nicholas Michael Grey. Your parents are divorced. Your brother is a cynic and you believe he hates you. You defended your best friend when your family said he stole. Your other best friend is a technological ace but who has a problem with social skills, and you blame yourself for the death of your grandfather, whom you wish you had gotten to know better. And, as an added note, you believe that your old girlfriend Molly Porter has "turned to the Goth side". She has. And yes, your nose does whistle when you sleep occasionally, your mother was right about that."

Nick gaped. "H-h-how on **Earth** did you know?-"

Labbiel smiled. "I am here to help you to the Northern region so that you may find help in your cause. You were right to assume that things are not right. The voice of God, Metatron, has not spoken for weeks…and because of that, the rules have, in essence, gone out the window."

Drago groaned. "I KNEW it! So why isn't that big jerk-"

"DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE LORD." Labbiel growled, suddenly up in Drago's face, revealing razor sharp teeth bigger than Drago's head. Drago shut up fast. Nick and Mark got it instantly. "You must be a servant of God!" Mark exclaimed. "Yeah, demons don't even say the word "God" down here anyway, or any of the names of holy people!"

Labbiel smiled and nodded, flapping up into the air. "Yes. I am a servant of the Lord. This is simply one of my forms. Now then…shall we take our leave?" He flapped down and lowered his back. "Climb on and hang on tight."

They climbed up on his scaly back and did hang on tight. Labbiel took off through the air, whizzing through the passageway and through a dark cavern, out into a more open space. Now they were passing over large lakes of fire-no…GOLD! Molten gold! And there were people in there, screaming and being whipped by demons.

"Those art the greedy. Ironically, they are being tortured in the very thing they coveted the most…riches."

"Say…Labbiel…what's "Zoe" and "The Void"?"

Labbiel was silent. Then he spoke.

"_Zoe_ is the force of life and light, the magic of those that hold the Light in the highest esteem. _Void_ is the force of death and night, whose Darkness seeks to remove all Light, and all it's shining gleam. I am one who uses _Zoe_. One power is of creation that seeks to preserve, and the other that of destruction, which will only bring ruin."

"…wow…"

"Life magic versus death magic, in essence." Drago told him. "I've read up on that stuff myself."

"All powers, all forces of magic, science and religion, anything that matters…has been brought forth by the Creator, and yet so often people ignore the gift of life they have and…and…I can say no more."

"…I'm sorry." Nick said softly.

Labbiel shook his draconic head. "Don't be. There's nothing you can do for those who give up on Life."

"Maybe." Nick said, a cheeky grin appearing on his face. "Maybe not."

And in the near yet still far distance was a large castle made of shimmering gems, with a large green flag on top.

"The palace of the Northern Legions. Vassago lives there." Labbiel told them. "He's currently recuperating from Satan's attack, and is probably enjoying some down time."

Nick grinned. "Well, won't he be surprised to see ME then! I just hope he won't be mad if we interrupt his down time. We could use his help."

"Hmm. Behold." A large group of the dammed were gathered in front of the palace. A demon was addressing them from a high-up balcony of the castle…it was none other than Satan!

"What the? What's HE doing here?"

"Satan has many jobs he must do down here. Those poor souls are the dammed of the North, both new and old. Every day a new group arrives and Satan welcomes in the new and introduces them to the old. It's a sort of tradition."

"And it's all about tradition down in Hell and up in Heaven. Or at least, it used to be that way." Drago said simply. "Now down in Hell almost everything's changed."

Nick slammed his fist into his hand. "Then it's time we made things change…for the BETTER!"

As it were, Vassago had returned to his human form and was walking over to Satan, who was addressing the new arrivals.

"Welcome! I am Satan, the Great Accuser. I am your God _now_, sinners! I am in charge!"

Vassago growled angrily, revealing sharp fangs that soon replaced his pearly whites. Satan tossed him a look. "Shaddap." He snapped. "So you lost your charge to Astaroth's axe. Accept it." He went back to addressing the dammed below the balcony he was on. "You all look shocked. What's the dilly-o?"

"What am I doing down here? I'm not a bad person!"

"Ah, but you were very cheap Mr. Crabs. And being cheap is a terrible thing."

"But I was a completely faithful Mormon!"

"Maybe next time you shouldn't belong to a cultist religion that says all Blacks are dammed from birth due to their skin color, **retard**!"

"But I lived my life in love and peace! Why did I get knifed in an alley? And why am I down here?"

"Sorry, atheist. No reincarnation for you. No second chances, not anymore! This ain't Disneyland, its **HELL**! Get used to it! And as for why you were knifed: you shouldn't have gone walking around after dark in Chicago! Didn't your wife tell you to get home sooner?"

"But I never had any trouble before!"

"Life's not fair. Get used to it."

"This sucks!" Someone shouted. "Yeah!" "Let us go!" "YEAH!"

"Hell isn't good, folks. You made your mistakes and now you're in Hell. Didn't go to church, threw rocks at the birds and now THIS is your hotel!" And with that Satan started laughing maniacally. Vassago rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, you make me sick. You are-what the?" He saw a golden dragon going right for them. But that wasn't what caught his eye. What caught his eye was who was on it…

"Nick!" He gasped. Nick mouthed "MOVE" and Vassago ran back into the bedroom he'd come out of. Satan saw Labbiel approaching.

"Hey, get lost, I'm making a speech here, you f—king-what the? YOU!?! But I sent you to Astaroth!"

"Heeeere's Nicky!" Nick shouted. Labbiel slammed into the balcony, sending Satan flying back. Drago, Richard, Mark and Nick hopped off while Labbiel floated up in the sky. The wretched below looked confused.

"What's going on?"

"Who's THAT guy?"

"What's that thing up there? Is that a dragon?"

Nick cracked his knuckles. He picked Satan up, who babbled in fear. "I want you to know that normally I'm the kind of person who likes to forgive and forget." Nick told him. Satan blinked a few times.

"Oh. Really?"

"Really-really."

"Uh, thanks."

"But I think God-"

"**_AAA_**!" Vassago and Satan yelped. Nick went on. "Can forgive me for making this one exception."

He clocked Satan in the face. HARD. Satan fell down, bleeding from his mouth. Drago then slammed his taloned feet onto Satan's wings, breaking them. "ARGH! You! You…you've just made yourself an enemy for life!" Satan spat.

Nick picked him up by the scruff of his neck. "Get in line behind James Denhault, Hunter and Austin from Texas, my old principal from elementary school Principal Sedlak, Connor the hippie kid, Patrick Cady, King Blue, Black Shogun, and Leroy!" Nick told him, rattling off name after name. He then tossed Satan into the next room. Satan got up, growling, cracking his knuckles, wings extended fully.

"Kid, you just made a HUGE mistake trying to take me on!" He snarled. Suddenly Vassago tapped him on the shoulder. "_**WHAT**_?!?" Satan growled angrily, turning around.

WHAM!

Vassago's punch sent him flying past Nick, Drago, Mark, Richard and Labbiel. He hit the balcony, flipped over and fell down, down, knocked unconscious…

Naturally, the crowd moved out of the way.

SLAM!

_Oooooh_. The result was very disgusting and if one were to actually see and SMELL it, it would give the person nightmares for weeks. Luckily, a moment later, his body totally vanished.

"As one of the Avatars, he'll get reborn at the gates of Hell, near Minos. Don't worry too much." Vassago said. "Now then, I'm glad you're okay, but would you be so kind as to tell me what you're doing here?"

Nick looked a bit unsettled. "…"

"Nick? Hello?" Vassago waved a hand in front of Nick's face, back and forth. "Anyone home?"

Finally the teen spoke up. "…I know he deserved it, but…you ever do the right thing and still feel like a jerk?"

Nobody answered him. Nick sighed. "…nevermind. I'll pray for him later. God knows-"

"**AAA!"**

"Sorry. The big guy upstairs knows he deserves it the most. Anyhow, we're here because we need to get out of Hell and up-"

"Into Heaven to save your friend?"

"What?"

Vassago ran back into the bedroom, then brought out a scroll, unfolding it. "Look. One of our imps brought this report back. Apparently the Heavenly Host has captured the eastern Demon of Shadow, Shin. They interrogated him and found out that he knows you, Nick. He's going to be executed tomorrow."

Nick gulped. "Tomorrow? _TOMORROW_?"

"They think he's a spy because most of the demonic hordes down here in Hell have been occupied with planning a large attack on Heaven. So he's going to be executed. And if he dies up there…he'll be cast into the Abyss. None have ever returned from oblivion, Nick. None. If he dies up in Heaven…he'll die for good."

Nick's hand went up to his mouth, curled into a fist. He bit into it, relieving some stress. Richard turned to Vassago. "Mr. Vassago? Can you hewp us get out of this pwace?"

Vassago rubbed his chin. "Well…I don't know…you'll need more than a way out. You'll need a big distraction…"

Nick suddenly noticed the people down below were all talking. He suddenly realized something. Something deep inside him was telling him what to do. He turned to Vassago, looking over his shoulder.

"Vassago, I see a sword on a display up above that bed. Could you give it to me?"

Vassago walked over and tore it off the wall in a single fluid motion. Then he walked back over and handed Nick the sword. "Here. What are you planning?"

Nick walked to the balcony and cleared his throat. Labbiel floated next to him. Mark, with his crowbar, stood to the left. Richard stood to the right, and Vassago and Drago stood behind Nick.

"Dammed of Hell! Listen to me! I am called the Chosen! I was picked by an omnipotent power to deliver this world from evil! And I have listened to the voice inside that for so long has led me down the right path, and it has told me…Hell is not what it should be, and neither is Heaven at the moment! The point is this: you all belong back up there, on Earth! You all deserve second chances and nobody gave them to you because the wrong people have been in charge! But NOT ANYMORE!" He raised his fist.

"I am breaking the undeserving out of Hell! And I need your help!"

The people murmured. "But what can we do? We're just ordinary people!"

"But you outnumber the demons down here in hell 100 to 1! I've seen it! You just need weapons and courage!"

"Weapons we can provide!" Vassago told the crowd suddenly. Vassago stretched out his hands and began chanting. Deadly-looking scimitars, lances and swords fell onto the ground in front of the crowd, who immediately rushed forward to pick them up.

"And you'll need some defenses too if you are to go forth on this righteous quest!" Labbiel shouted. He let out a loud roar that shook the very foundations of the castle. The dammed below were now clad in beautiful golden, silver and crystalline armor. They had all acquired shields as well, with angelic script upon them that read "For Freedom".

Nick spread his arms wide. "The courage must come from all of **you**! I know it may be tough, but the hordes of Hell are busy with trying to attack Heaven! And if we can break through the exit of Hell bringing along all the innocents that we can, we shall ALL be redeemed! This is your chance! Your chance to save yourselves and your immortal souls!"

The dammed looked at each other, mumbling in mostly agreement. Dubious agreement, but agreement.

"You all had lives! I believe you deserve them back, and MORE! What you need is that second chance that everyone should get, no matter how bad a person may be!" Nick continued on, voice ringing with clarity and passion.

Richard turned to Vassago. "Do you know the way out of this pwace?"

Vassago nodded. "Yes I know a way out of Hell, but…I am forbidden by law to tell you. It is a magical, binding spell."

Labbiel nodded. "I knoweth not the way out of Hell either. But you know someone who does…and you want to save him."

Nick turned, nodding. "Yes. Judas Iscariot. I'm going to go back for him."

Labbiel smiled. "You're a good child, Nick. It's good to see someone who thinks outside the box."

Nick grinned. "Thanks, Labbiel." Vassago winced in pain. "Sorry." Nick remarked. He then turned back to the crowd. "Now listen up everyone! I know this will be hard…but we can do it! If we stick together…"

Nick held up one hand.

_Ray of Light!_

The light shone up from his palm, like a shaft of glorious deliverance. Everyone gasped.

"Then we can redeem ourselves! Let's do this!"

**BGM: La Resistance Medley from South Park, Bigger, Longer and Uncut**

Nick held the ray of light high, singing softly. "Luck has smiled upon you this daaaaay…the fate of all souls is…in your haaaands! And blessed be the ones who…shall fight will all their bravery…till only the riiiiighteous staaaaand!"

The light vanished a moment later. He picked the sword up and held it high and melodramatically.

"You see the distant flames, they bellow in the night! We'll fight in all our names for what we know is right! And though we may get shot and cannot carry on, though we die, the resistance lives on!"

Vassago spoke up. "But you could get stabbed in the head with a dagger or a sword!"

"So what?"

"You may get BURNED to death…"

"Or skinned alive." Drago said.

"Or WORSE!" Mark gulped.

Nick laughed. "**HA**! If they end my life, I'll be immortalized in song, for though I die…" He stood up on the balcony edge and shouted, punching the air with his fist. "THE RESISTANCE LIVES ON!"

The crowd cheered.

"Blame America! Blame America!" The UN shouted. The British representative held up a dagger in front of a large map of America.

"Because their country's gone awry, tomorrow night…" She slammed it into the dot that represented San Francisco. "THOSE FREAKS WILL _FRY_!"

Up in Heaven, a huge army of Angels marched in an army drill, singing. Shin was tied up to a stake, to be executed tomorrow. The army marched in front of him, gleeful about his approaching doom.

"Tomorrow night…our lives will change! Tomorrow night! We'll be entertained! An execution…what a sight…tomorrow night!"

And down in Hell, "Lucy" sang some more!

"Up there, there's just so much room, where babies burp and flowers bloom! Tomorrow night, San Fran is doomed, and so I will be going soon!"

Meanwhile, Shin was trying to remain optimistic, but was very pissed at the marching angels in front of him.

"Shut you freaking face you rotten losaaahs! You're all total hypocrites you sodding wankas! If you kill me, YOU'RE out of luck, and tomorrow you'll be REALLY f—ked!"

"Why do people start these wars, and what on Earth are they fighting for? When did this song become a marathooon?" Jade wondered out loud.

"I want to be…"

"When America is dead and gone, _goodbye_ you rotten boy band songs!"

"They might cut your dicks in half!"

"Tomorrow night!"

"And serve them to a pig!"

"Our lives will change!"

"But when it hurts I'll LAUGH!"

"Tomorrow night!"

"And dance a dick-less jig!"

"We'll be entertained!"

"Cuz THAT'S the way it goes!"

"An execution!"

"In war you're spit upon!"

"What a sight…"

"For though I die…"

"I want to beee…"

"Tomorrow niiiight!"

"Up theeeere!"

"The resistance…lives oooooon!!!"

"Let's blame America! Blame America, blame America! Blame America! Blame Americaaaa!"

"_Bad day_…"

(Music ends.)

**Author's Note:**

**Ha-ha-ha! At last, it's all coming together! A dramatic escape, a huge battle, the arrival of new friends to combat a deadly menace...all this and more...coming soon! Don't miss it! And by all means, continue to review, heck, talk about my story to others! The more people that read the better. **


	19. Bring it All Together, Pt2

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER NOW! PT.2

In the end, they all divided their forces. Nick, Richard, Mark and Labbiel would go and retrieve Judas while Drago, Vassago, and the wretched from the castle would go to the nearby tortured greedy and free them, then meet them back at the castle. Nick said his temporary goodbyes to them and waved as Labbiel took off of the ground, heading to the "Mouth" region of Hell.

"Thanks for giving us a ride." Nick said happily. Labbiel smiled. "It's my pleasure. It's part of my duty and the duty of those I command to look out for people."

Mark blinked a few times. "Hey…" He began to ask.

Labbiel turned his head back a little. "Yes, young one?"

"Uh…Labbiel…I've heard you called something else…I've heard that your real name's…that you're…"

"That I'm what, Mark Lee?"

"…that…that you're in charge of all the guardian angels."

Labbiel nodded. "Yes. Go ahead, say what you are thinking."

Mark finally blurted it out. "Are you that whom is known as "God Has Healed"?" He asked.

Labbiel nodded. "Yes. I am." He said. "Lo, we have arrived!"

They touched down at a the entrance to a large cavernous cave that was in the middle of a huge lake of boiling muck that stank of the dead. "Down there lesser demons are born. If you fall in, you'll die for sure." Labbiel warned them. "And do NOT breath those fumes in…you'll hallucinate."

They walked inside the cavern. It echoed with an eerie whistle.

"This cavern contains another shortcut path. But it's BELOW us. We simply need to find the-"

"Found it!" Nick shouted.

Labbiel and Mark turned to the left. "You did?" Labbiel asked.

"Yes." Nick said from a far off distance.

"What makes you sure?"

"I tripped _over_ the fracking thing."

Labbiel smiled as he walked over to Nick. "Good. Then I suppose, to better traverse in these passageways, I had best take my usual form." He pressed his clawed hands together and sat down upon the ground. "Stand back." He told them. Mark and Nick did so.

With a whoosh of wind and a blinding light, Labbiel transformed. Now…he was a man. He had long, flowing brown hair and wore a red headband over his head. Two locks of brown hair hung down over the band. He had green/brown eyes and looked a lot like he should be one of those sexy doctors from ER. He had golden armor and a dazzling golden belt that had a sun emblem upon it. It had sun-shaped roundels and he wore golden greaves with sun icons on them as well. He also had a gilded leather battle kilt over his golden full plate armor and he carried upon his back a golden shield that resembled a blazing sun. Runes written across the shield and the belt read in the words of the angels "The Shining One Who Heals" and he was a powerfully built angel. He had a dozen-of-sets of golden, shining wings. His spear was made of iron yet shone like silver, and the primary was 9 feet long with the archangel's name emblazoned upon it. This…was Raphael, Regent of the Sun, the Angel of Love and Joy, Ruler of Raquia and Guardian of the West.

"Raphael…" Nick gasped, getting on his knees.

"Rise, Nicholas."

Nick stood up. "You're-you're like my favorite archangel, and…and you are like SO COOL! And you're a doctor and my dad's a doctor and your armor is frickin' sweet and that dragon looked awesome and-"

"Woah, calm down before you wet yourself, Nick." Mark snickered. Nick stopped. "Sorry. I've just…never been in the presence of an angel before."

Raphael laughed a little. "Well, it's really no big deal. I'm honored to be with you. You're doing something very brave." "It's just the right thing to do." Nick said. "There are WAY too many innocent people down here in Hell. There are KIDS down here. I don't care what any lord of Hell or Heaven says, you do NOT send kids down to Hell! That includes you, Richard, demon blood or not! Who gives a flying fudge?!?"

Richard beamed. "Thanks, Nick. But uh, how come you didn't just say the f word?"

"Oh, I uh, try not to swear unless I'm REALLY peeved. By the way, what did you mean by "line marks"?"

Richard looked at Mark. "Sweah." Nick immediately covered his ears.

Mark looked a bit surprised and unsure, but did so. "S—thead."

"Again."

"C—ksucker."

"One more time, pwease."

"F—king demons can kiss my a$$."

"Oh, I saw symbols on "a$$". And the other swears had lines."

Raphael groaned. "I wish you wouldn't swear so much, I hear enough of it from Uriel, the Angel of Fire. One day I just got fed up and told him "Listen up you 6ing, 7ing monkey 5er. You think your 1 don't stink well 3 off you 3ing 3er!". Yeah, I told him off."

"The f—k was that?" Mark exclaimed. "Oh, the seven dirty words you can't say on TV." Raphael explained. "I try not to swear either. I'm very…well, liberal."

Nick unplugged his ears. "So, what about me?"

"Say some swears. As many as you can think up."

"Um…okay. Oh, I know! How about a dirty Monty Python song that's perfect for the occasion? Those guys cover _everything_."

"Monty Who?" Richard asked.

Nick's watch took it away, and he began singing.

**BGM: I Bet You They Won't Play This Song on the Radio**

You can't say "shit" on the radio,  
Or tits or piss or prick!  
You can't even say "I'd like to fuck you someday"…  
Unless you're a doctor with a really large dick!

**SFX: Cricket's chirp.**

"…nope. No lines or symbols. But I saw you auwa!"

"My aura?"

"Yep! It came out fwom that necklace and was aw awound you, it looked weally pwetty!"

"Oh, wow." Nick thought out loud.

Raphael walked over to the entranceway of the shortcut. "This has all been VERY interesting, but we must be very quiet and careful now! I sense something malevolent down there, waiting for us…"

MEANWHILE, IN THE PAST…

The kids had (most of them) gathered in the kitchen. "He's gone." Dai Gui said simply. "Xan is gone. Richard is gone. And now…Shin has gone."

Po Kong was stuffing bread into her mouth, crying as she did so. "Maaugha-mffaaa-gooma-waaauhhhh!"

"You said a mouthful." Xiao Fung snickered. Tchang Zu smacked him across the head. "Hey! Watch it, a—hole!"

Bai Tsa rested against the door. "Things continue to get worse and worse. Perhaps…"

"We should go our separate ways?" Tso Lan calmly suggested, sipping some wine.

Hsi Wu looked surprised. "You mean just up and leave? But Father would KILL us! Hunt us down and gut us like pigs! PIGS!"

"Po Kong's already one." Xiao Fung snickered. Tchang Zu smacked him across the head. "Hey! Watch it, ya a—hole!"

Shendu was upstairs in his room, pacing, thinking to himself. He'd been undergoing his father's forced training for a few months now. He'd become crueler, more manipulative. Yet he still was bothered and furious at the way his father acted towards him, the people and most importantly, his family.

He had to do something.

He knew exactly what.

That night, he visited the bar. He met with a youth that he knew would be able to complete the task he wanted. But he knew he'd have to butter the wild-eyed, hard-hit youth up.

So for starters, he ordered a round on him for the kid. Then he took him on his shoulder and patted him comfortingly.

"You once worked for the girl Haruno's father…before his house burned down. What a shame." He said comfortingly.

"…yes. But what's that got to do with me?"

"I know that you needed a job. And I know that my father hired you for…women's work."

The youth had been sloshing down a large mug of beer. Now he slammed it down so hard it shattered into pieces. "That's putting it MILDLY!!!" He screamed, blood dripping from his hand as he clenched it into a fist, white knuckles bursting. "I…I wanna kill him!"

"Really? Me too." Shendu said simply.

The youth blinked a few times. "W-whuh?"

"I want him dead. So do you. I have a way that will benefit the both of us. It's a little thing I like to call…" He held up a small bag of herbs and a piece of paper. "A mutually beneficial contract."

The youth blinked a few times.

"That's a fine dagger you have." Shendu said admiringly. The youth looked down at the dagger strapped to his waist. "Oh, yes, it…it was my father's."

"It looks so natural in that sheathe. It would look even better in my father's chest…" Shendu sneered. "Don't you think?"

The youth nodded. "Yes, yes…but…but how? When? Wait…the parade, its tomorrow!"

"Yes, it is! And he won't really be up to resisting if I slip some of THESE into his tea…" Shendu snickered as he waved the bag around in the air. "So…do we have a deal?"

The youth grinned. "Deal." He said. "Deal…"

Back in the future…

In a private landing field at least four miles out of town, Jade, Jackie, Uncle and Tohru watched as a plane touched down very silently, so as to not attract attention from the chaos inside San Fran.

"_Hola_! How is everyone!"

Unfortunately, the passengers didn't come out so silently. Jackie groaned and smacked his forehead as El Toro Fuerte, his protégé Paco and the super-thief Viper came out of the plane. All of them were dressed in their usual attire. El Toro had on his red and yellow Masked Wrestling mask, his dark blue wrestling outfit that didn't cover his arms or legs, big thick brown boots and of course, his brown goatee. Paco had messy brown hair, big brown eyes, a green sweater and green/brown shorts with black shoes. Viper was wearing a silky smooth black outfit that was laser reflective, waterproof, fireproof and yet breathed like Egyptian cotton.

"Jackie, how are you?" She commented, tossing him a sly smile. Jackie turned red in the face. "Uh, fine. We are, uh…um…"

Jade saw that Jackie was in no way shape or form able to complete his sentences when talking to Viper so she spoke for him. "We're glad you guys could come so soon." "Hey, why would we want to miss out on an adventure?" Viper told Jade. "Besides, we owe you guys."

Jackie suddenly noticed that the pilot had fallen asleep. "Um…who did you get to fly you here?"

Viper thumbed at the pilot. "I picked him up at the Home Depot. He said he knew how to fly a plane."

"Los indocumentatos estola nuestro trabajo!" El Toro muttered. "Um, what did he say?" Jade asked. "I'll tell you when you're older." Jackie quickly told her.

Jade groaned. "Humph! I'll bet YOU never had to deal with this stuff from your folks!"

Jackie looked nervous. "Um…actually…"

JACKIE'S CHILDHOOD:

Jackie sits in the middle of his bedroom, looking mortified at his dad, who's looking right at us, grinning insanely.

"My son he needs a new phonograph, he wore out all the needles…besides, I broke his old one in half…"

Scene quickly cuts to the other side of the room where the twisted, horrible wreckage of a record player lies upon the floor.

Scene cuts back to Jackie's father, who holds up a sledgehammer, beaming widely. "I **hate** The Beatles!"

PRESENT…

"That had been the second album I ever bought!"

"Oh wow." Jade gasped.

"AND WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?"

They all turned around, gasping. Tchang Zu had shown up once more, with the other demons behind him. Shendu sneered right at Jackie. "Well, well, we meet again, Chan."

"Too soon for my tastes." Jackie growled, taking up a fighting pose. So did the others. Tchang Zu stepped forward, claws sparkling with electricity. "King said we were not to harm you, but he didn't say anything about not harming your little FRIENDS…" He sneered.

"Yes, watching you suffer by watching THEM suffer will be quite fun!" Shendu said in a tone that was very airy.

Jade quickly turned to Uncle. "Uncle, remember when I said someone cut me loose? He said the only way to stop these guys for good was to banish them to…down there."

Uncle looked contemplative, but said nothing. He turned to look right at Tchang Zu. Then he whipped out a puffer fish.

"Let…us…DANCE." He said in a gruff voice.

Tchang Zu snickered. "With pleasure!" The Chan clan and company ducked to the side as the Thunder Demon launched some lightning right at Uncle, who shot out a green beam of magic that struck the lightning. Tchang Zu snarled and launched some more bolts, but Uncle kept shooting them down!

KZAP!

KAVOOM!

KZAP!

KAVOOM!

They began volleying shots at each other, neither one getting a hit.

"Get him, get him!" The demons shouted to Tchang.

"Get him get him!" The good guys shouted to Uncle. They were evenly matched, neither side giving an inch and it probably would have gone on for a very long time…

Until Shendu got bored.

"Oh, for evilness's sake…" Shendu groaned, snapping his clawed fingers. The puffer fish levitated out of Uncle's hands.

"What the? Oh right…" Jackie remembered. "We gave him back his powers so he could beat Drago…"

"Yeah, that's…uh…starting to look like it was a bad idea." Jade muttered. "Hindsight's always 20/20, huh Jackie?"

"Hot-cha! No interfering with a magical duel!" Uncle complained. Shendu tossed him a nasty smile. "Oh, did da big dwagon fowget the wules? Oops! Ha-ha-ha! Oh well, live and learn. Or in your case, learn and die."

Tchang Zu sneered. "For once I am VERY grateful for your talisman powers, brother."

"Just kill the old crone!" Po Kong shouted. "I want to go get some more humans to eat!"

"You already pigged out at that hospital, you sick, fatty-fat-fatso!" Hsi Wu snarled. "You're disgusting! I only had two, and at least they died quickly."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure you ate at least 3 patients who had AIDS, dear sister…" Tso Lan said, rubbing his chin.

"Oh relax, demons cannot get AIDS…I think." Po Kong told them.

"Do you MIND? I'm having a triumphant moment here!" Tchang Zu shouted. He turned back to the Chans. "I have wanted to do this for a long, long-"

"_KIYAAAAAHHHH_!"

A youth wearing a Superman t-shirt, a bandanna over his mouth and nose and a Spider-Man backpack went flying through the air, kicking Tchang Zu's face. He had a large metal pipe in his hands and slammed it into Tchang Zu's jaw. The demon staggered back then glared down at the youth.

"And what do you think YOU'RE doing?!?" He snarled.

The youth grinned and suddenly rushed forward, slamming the pipe at the Thunder Demon's ankle. The resounding noise that followed this sounded like a bell being struck very hard. Tchang Zu screamed horribly and fell back, actually crying and nursing his ankle.

"ARGH! OW, OW, OW! That HURT!"

The youth jumped back, whipping out a book whose pages he opened. "Yu mo gui gwi fai ti zao, Yu mo gui gwai fai ti zao…" He chanted, voice deep and commanding, yet oddly familiar. Shendu blinked in surprise.

"That voice…it's so…familiar…TOO familiar…almost like listening to myself!"

Tchang Zu looked up in horror. "No, oh no! You rotten little-"

Just as he lunged to grab the youth, a blood red portal opened up beneath him. He fell through it, screaming, his voice fading away. A moment later the portal closed up. The youth sneered at the demons. "I suggest you run…I MIGHT letcha get away, villains!"

They all looked at each other. "Uh, far be it from me to want to agree with a human, but…" Tso Lan began to say.

Shendu spat fire right in front of our heroes, screaming out "Chaaaaannnnn!!!" in a rage. As they reeled back, the demons ran for it, vanishing into the city. The fire died down with a wave of Uncle's puffer fish and a good chant.

Jackie approached the youth. "I believe we owe you a great deal of thanks." He said. Jade ran up to the kid. "That was fricking AWESOME! How'd you do it, how'd you know how to do it, who are you?"

The youth laughed slightly. "Take a chill pill!" He bowed. "It was an honor to fight for noble warriors like yourselves. I am a superhero that defends people wherever I go, from city to city. Perhaps you've read the reports on "Kid Vigilante"?" He took off the bandana.

Jackie shook his head. "Uh, no. Lately all the reports have been about…well, the large numbers of dead, riots, and destruction of cultures."

The youth groaned and his head sank. "Aw, come onnnn! I'm NEVER gonna be a true superhero until I get attention…I guess it's only fair, though. I just arrived two days ago, and I've decided this city needs all the help it can get. I was originally here to be the new science teacher you see…"

"Oh, so YOU'RE Mr. Ryu. My homeroom teach's told me about you." Jade exclaimed.

Mr. Ryu smiled a little. "Please, call me Hao." He said. "Anyway, I imagine we have a lot to talk about. How about we go to my place? It's only one block away from the school, as a matter of fact."

"How about to OUR place?" Uncle suggested. "I'll cook up some tea."

"Fine by me. To tell the truth, the electricity at my place is kinda screwed up right now. You know how it is…"

BACK DOWN IN HELL…

"Lucy" paced the ground. He was on a large natural bridge that overlooked a huge lake of fire, and a waterfall of flames poured fire, lava and burning bodies of the dammed down with loud screams which he ignored. He kicked at a rock and it fell down off the bridge, whacking one dammed on the head and giving him a huge bump. "Aw, d—n it, why is it taking so long for me to get that updated troop report?" He muttered angrily, his normally calm tone shattered. "I wish there wasn't so much red tape down here. It's so unbelievably annoying…"

At that moment a djinn dressed up like an Egyptian boy appeared with a "poof" of smoke and a burst of brimstone. "Lucy" glanced at him.

"Ah, Bartimaeus. You've come. What news?" He asked the "Egyptian". "Bart" happened to be very quick and good at his job, and personally knew many people up on Earth to boot.

"There's been a riot at the Northeastern Castle, and it appears that…that Satan has been killed and sent to Minos."

"WHAT?!?"

"Satan was killed by a Chosen, sir…and also betrayed. We don't know which prince betrayed him though, reports are still sketchy. However a large group of dammed are making their way to freedom right now."

"Well then…" "Lucy" took a deep breath. VERY deep. "Call on the Demon of Envy and the Demon of Lust to…take care of this little upset. We can't let them have hope."

"No, of course not." Bartimaeus mumbled to himself. "I'll go get them right away. Should I tell them anything else?"

"They'll know what to do if you tell them this: Don't hold back."

"Right. Cheerio!"

"AH-HEM." "Lucy" cleared his throat with great authority.

"Oh, I mean, uh…as you wish…Lord Lucifer, Demon of Pride and Heart of the Devil."

With that cheery farewell, the djinn vanished. Lucifer sighed and sat down on the ground.

"…I don't even know why I do this sometimes. It was so nice earlier, back when…oh, that was a long time ago, a lifetime ago. Now it's different. I'M different. Now I'm…I'm…"

He sighs.

_I'm so lonely… _

_So very lonely…_

_So lonely and sadly alone!_

He stood up, walking down the bridge.

_There is no one… _

_Just me only… _

_Sitting on my little throne…_

He looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath.

_I work really hard and make up these great plans…_

He smiles…but then it fades quickly.

_But nobody listens, no one understands…_

_Seems like no one takes me seriously…_

He looks down at the ground and walks off the bridge to a cave at the other end.

_And so, I'm lonely …_

_A little lonely …_

_Poor little me…_

He walks through the cave, running one hand on the wall, still singing.

_There's nobody I can relate to… _

_I feel like a bird in a cage… _

_It's kinda silly, _

_but, not really… _

He suddenly slams his fist into the wall and the whole place collapses. He jumps up into the air, cackling.

_Because it's firing my body with __**rage**_

He floats down and flexes.

_I'm the smartest, most clever, most physically fit…_

He stops, mellowing out, depressed.

_But nobody else seems to realize it… _

He kicks the rubble and walks over to a nearby rock pile, sitting on top of it, looking down at his hands. He takes off his helmet, but we can't see what he looks like, only that he's crying slightly, tears drip onto his hands.

_When I change the world maybe they'll notice me…_

He puts his helmet back on and leans back, sighing very deeply.

_And until then, I'll…just…be…lonely…_

_Yes, a little lonely… _

_Poor little me..._

He looks around. Nobody's there at all. He whimpers a little, like a child that's been hit by an angry parent.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Reviews are good. They sustain me. Please donate some time and review my work!**

"I'm so _lonely_…"


	20. Bring it All Together, Pt3

**CHAPTER-NINETEEN**

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER, PT. 3

ELSWHERE IN HELL…

It was eerily, creepily, "horror movie" quiet.

When they'd descended into the tunnel, it had leveled out eventually, depositing them in a large, clean-looking hallway that reminded Nick of what his school was like at night. The walls were a pale green, the floor was tiled white and the various doors in the hallway were of a darker shade of white. There were circular lights in the hallway that were embedded in the pale green ceiling but were, mostly, off. The few that WERE on were flickering slightly, their light dimmed very badly.

The whole place was, in Nick's opinion, "was friggin' creepy".

It was true. The school he had gone to and was going to WAS creepy at night. A lot of buildings, when empty and surrounded by darkness are creepy. But for Nick, it was more frightening than most.

"Nick, calm down." Raphael said softly, comfortingly.

But Nick wasn't listening to Raphael's paternal comforts. "You don't understand, once, there-there was this time when I was at my school and I was all alone in the hallways and there weren't any janitors but someone, somebody was walking, walking towards me, following me and the lights were all out and-and-"

Nick smacked himself. "Take it! Take it hard!" He yelled. He panted a few times, then composed himself. "All right, I'm…I'm okay…"

"Just stay close." Raphael instructed.

"I'm sorry, but this is just like a scene from a horror movie! And I know the rules!"

"Rules?" Raphael asked.

Mark began explaining. "Nick's watched plenty of movies, so he knows like, ALL of the rules."

"Rule number one, you may not survive if you have…well, you know. Rule number two: if you drink or do drugs, you might not survive. Nor will your probably survive if you say "I'll be right back" or "I'm gonna get some more beer" or "who's there"-"

"Well, well. May I ask who YOU are?"

Richard screamed, jumping back. Nick held up the sword, eyes peering into the darkness. Raphael held his spear high, aiming it in the direction of the voice and Mark gripped the crowbar tightly.

"Who's there?" Raphael demanded to know. "Stand back, boys. I'll handle this."

"Now, put that thing away, you'll poke somebody's eye out, Raph." The voice said again, this time it was far more clearly heard.

Raphael's eyes narrowed. "Deceiving harlot! Traitorous worm! I'd know those voices anywhere…show yourselves, both of you!"

"Oh, sheesh, you're no fun. Fine, fine. Come on, Lil, let's go introduce ourselves…"

Two women suddenly appeared from the darkness. Both were completely naked.

**SFX: BOING!**

"_Uhhhhhhh_…" Nick turned beet red and immediately looked away, feeling flushed. Mark's nose was bleeding badly and Richard had covered his eyes and was shaking terribly. "C-C-Could you p-p-put some c-c-clothes on p-please?" Nick stuttered politely.

The first one nodded. "Since you said "please"." She snapped her fingers. Both of them were now clothed. The first woman had very beautiful long, silky hair made of gold that looked quite beautiful. Did I mention it was long? I mean SUPER long, it reached all the way down to her butt and THEN some. She had a very, very beautiful face, a strong body and looked Eastern European with a hint of Middle Eastern. She had dark purple eyes and ruby red lips and a black brush. She began brushing her hair, humming an enchanting tune. She was wearing a black tank top with shorts to match, had purple fingernails with her pointer finger colored black and toenails painted purple as well. She was wearing a necklace with a golden moon on it, it shone prettily. She also had a tattoo on her arm, it was a crest of some kind. In the middle of some circular rings with strange runes written in the space between the rings, was a symbol. It resembled a menorah, only it had 5 orbs on the end instead of 8 candles, and it was painted dark green.

The second one clapped her hands and clothes popped up on her. She had a ponytail of blazing red hair and hypnotic yet wild blue eyes. Her face resembled someone Australian, Nick knew, he'd spent time "down under". She was wearing a belly button ring and a teal-green t-shirt with a golden unicorn on it. She had on teal sneakers and was wearing white pants. Her lips had fiery red lipstick applied to it and she carried herself in a manner that seemed to suggest that she was used to this sort of thing happening all the time. She was wearing a little alligator bracelet on her wrist that was made of gold, and had a tattoo on her arm like the first woman: a pale blue tattoo. The tattoo had a trapezoid on the lower right hand part of the middle and a triangle connected to a line that jutted up, making it look like a sort of sharp "b", and at the top of these two little symbols was a diamond trapezoid on it's side with a small circle in the middle, making it look like an eye.

"Stand back, boys. These she-devils are not what they appear to be."

"Neither were you at first." Nick told him.

Raphael nodded grudgingly. "Yes, but that…that was for your own good, you weren't ready to see me in this form yet. These…these ones are different, and not in a good way."

"What, aren't you happy to see me, Raph?" The second one asked.

"I missed you…but my aim's getting better!" Raphael growled. The woman laughed. "Oh, you're such a kidder…by the way…"

The woman suddenly scowled in a frightening fashion. She turned her head and Nick saw a pale mark of a scar running up and down her cheek. "That will NEVER go off my cheeks, no matter what spells I try! I still owe you for the Great War!"

"You KNOW this chick?" Mark asked.

"She used to be a Seraphim." Raphael replied with a hint of genuine regret. "I was very proud of her ability, and…well, I thought that maybe…"

"We WOULD have made a good couple." The woman spoke up suddenly. "I did actually like you. Then you went and shoved your spear through my f—king face! I became the first casualty of the war, that…THAT makes me angry."

Nick looked mortified. "**WHAT**?!? Aw, he wouldn't do that, he's a nice-wait a minute…" He thought about all of this, remembering his biblical knowledge. "Are you…Leviathan?"

The woman with the scar looked right into Nick's eyes, and Nick saw something in them that frightened him…it was as if a tiger or a shark was staring out from its container. The wild animal peered out at him, chilling him and giving him the Willies.

"Yeah. That's me." She admitted.

Nick jumped, getting behind Raph. "AAA! Evil diva!" He shouted. Richard ran behind him. "I saw that lady, she's no lady, she's a sewpent, a big one!"

"I used to look a lot like this, only with more regal clothes and I had the nicest wings." Leviathan lamented. "But I changed when I sided with the Devil. The physical strain on my body that came with falling combined with the Devil's new power he gave me granted me a demonic form. The other angels didn't stand a chance against me, they didn't have the GUTS to take me on, except for…" She scowled hatefully, spitting out the last word at Raphael. "YOU."

"You gave me no choice. I loved you in more ways than one, as did your God, and you betrayed his trust."

"Trust's a funny thing, Raphael." Leviathan said. She didn't say it in a mean fashion, her tone was regretful. "You, Chosen boy, would do well to remember that trust is a very funny thing. It's hard to earn, easy to break. Few people are totally trustworthy."

Nick shook his head. "Raphael may think he's like my dad or something, and I may not like that kinda attitude, but I know he means well. And I trust my friends and my family like I'm supposed to!"

"There will come a day when you **will** regret the trust you developed with those children who became the Demons of the East." Leviathan said. "Anyhow, Judas is in that room to the left of me." She said, jabbing her thumb. "Lilith has to go take care of your friends who are waiting for you. You can go and stop her if you want, but one of you has to try and get Judas, and before you can get him…"

She suddenly sneered, revealing fangs. "YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME."

Lilith smiled nastily. "Aw, save some of the Chosen for me." She shouted before she calmly walked past Nick, Raph, Mark and Richard, giving Richard a cruel look before vanishing into the darkness behind them.

Nick held up the sword. "I'll go for Judas. Raph, do you-"

"Raphael. I'm your elder, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah. "Respect my authoritah" and all that."

"Watch your tone."

"Now is NOT the time!" Mark yelled. He turned to Richard. "Me and Richard will go after that…and I use this term loosely…woman…while you stop this b---h and get Judas." Nick nodded and Mark and Richard took off after Lilith.

Leviathan rubbed her bracelet. "Let's go, kid…"

Suddenly her skin seemed to twist and turn and bulge, and her form changed. Her eyes became feral, yellow with cat-like pupils. Her skin became green, scaly and rough, spikes ran down her back, her body extended to serpentine proportions. Her mouth became longer and filled with huge, sharp fangs and a big red tongue, a tail grew, spiked on the end. She grew what appeared to be a cross between fangs and wings. She let out a huge roar.

"Now you see her true form." Raphael said.

"You should have left while you had the chance, kid. Honestly, I would have let you go, I got respect for someone who can tell off that old fogey who calls himself an emperor." Leviathan said. Her voice, oddly enough, hadn't changed at all. "But now you'll suffer along with Raph here."

Raphael dove at her with his spear. She swung at him with her tail but he flew right up. He kicked off the wall and slashed at her with a dive. She screamed horribly as it cut into her scales, and blood flowed out. Then she managed to score a good strike on him with her tail, sending him flying into the wall.

Grinning, she slammed her head into him over and over and over. OUCH! He fell down, groaning. Leviathan sneered. "Ever seen "The Shining"?" She asked him in a nasty tone. Raphael looked up and saw Nick had covered his eyes and was tucked into a ball. Then he saw why…there was a huge cascading wave of blood flowing from behind Leviathan.

"I shouldn't have watched that movie, shouldn't have watched that movie, shouldn't have watched that movie…" he mumbled over and over.

"That's enough of THAT." He said angrily. He stretched out his hand. "And the Lord said, "Thou shall purify the water by speaking it forth"."

The blood, moments away from striking them, turned into water, and then a moment later, vanished. Leviathan sneered. "Well, aren't you full of tricks? Just like always. I liked that about you…"

"You haven't changed much either." Raphael said stonily.

Leviathan gave another sick grin. "Aww, such harsh words! No sweet talk for your "chicky-boo"?"

Raphael's eyes glinted in a way that was momentarily frightening. "Don't…talk…like…that. That was a long, long time ago…and you hurt me very, very much…"

Leviathan yawned. "It happens. You need to get over it."

"Oh I AM over it. And in a few minutes I will be over you, as in stepping over your corpse."

Leviathan tossed him another sick grin. "Aw, I love you too babycakes."

Raphael's grip on his spear tightened. "Same to you, honeybunch." He said in a low, dangerous tone before he raised his spear and rushed forward.

The resulting clash was amazing. Raphael sliced and stabbed with his sword, while Leviathan twisted around on the ground, dodging his attacks fluidly, but the way Raphael moved…it was as if the spear was an extension of himself, and suddenly he clipped the evil snake on the side of her head. She fell to the ground, groaning slightly, then her tail whipped up, knocking Raphael on the side of HIS head and sending him flying back. He almost collided with the wall, but quickly kicked off of it, and hovered in the air near Nick, who…well…

Was biting his nails and jiggling his leg. Yeah, he was a little bit nervous. "What, scared?" Leviathan asked in a "ooh, what a wuss" tone.

But Nick shook his head vigorously. "No, I was just wondering whether I should still consider you a lady. I don't hit ladies."

"Sheesh kid, just what do you consider yourself to be?" She wanted to know.

**BGM: Everyday Superhero by Smash Mouth**

Nick's watch was blasting a song from an old favorite band of his, one of his first favorites. He couldn't help it, he grew a grin and burst into song.

"Every morning, I wake up just the same…another victim of ordinary fame! I don't see myself as invincible…it's not…true at aaallll! I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Tryin' to save the world…but never really sure! I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Nothin' more than that…that's all I really am!" He sang, dancing in tune, following his groove.

Raphael looked puzzled. The song was good enough, and Nick's dancing did leave a little something to be desired, but the singing…

It seemed to be bothering Leviathan. She was turning pale. "St-stop that!" She demanded. "Stop it!"

"Just a day job that someone's gotta do! It's kinda hard when everyone looks up to you! Gotta make it look easy, gotta make it look good…"

Nick shook his body. "Like annnybodyyy…"

He pointed melodramatically up at the ceiling above them all. "Woooould!"

FWAOOOOOM! Suddenly Nick's body became encased in a fierce, passionate mixture of colors that soared through the air from his finger and striking the ceiling. Wall tiles were broken off and fell down on Leviathan, making her winch. Raphael was amazed. "Your aura…it's triggered by _music_…Nick, sing away!"

"**RIGHT**!" Nick yelled. He continued, singing even louder. And as he sang, somehow, in some way, his friends could hear it from far off in the distance as they ran after Lilith. Vassago and Drago and the others could hear it too, and Lilith herself flinched as he sang. It seemed to permeate all of Hell…

"I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Tryin' to save the world…but never really sure! I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Nothin' more than that…that's all I really am! I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Tryin' to save the world…but never really sure! I'm just your average ordinary everyday superherooo! Nothin' more than that…that's all I really am!"

The aura was filling up the hallway, growing larger and more passionate as Nick sang. He walked towards Leviathan, still singing, and the aura began striking her over and over, essentially b---h slapping her. Raphael watched as she was forced back, back, to the edge of the hallway. As Nick kept her busy, now getting to a part about putting on a game face, Raphael went into the room where Judas (who had finished up the pop-tart) was.

"I am the Archangel Raphael, Nick Grey and I are here to rescue you."

"I know, I heard!" Judas exclaimed. "Thanks a lot!...say, what's he singing?"

"I'm not sure…but he's GOOD!"

"I'm just your average! Ordinary! Everyday…superheroooo! I'm trying to save the woooooorld! I'm just your average! Ordinary! Everday…superheroooo, oh yeeeaeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" Nick sang, getting on his knees and clenching his fists, faced wracked with dramatic "pain" as he belted out the lyrics. But Leviathan was in way more pain, the aura assaulted her over and over.

Raphael led Judas down the hallway as Nick stood up. He pointed at Leviathan's head. "I'm just your average ordinary everyday…superhero!"

(Music ends.)

KABAM! The aura gave her a huge whack on the temple and she fell down with a loud thud that made the whole hallway shake violently. Nick grinned and smiled. "Yeah, you ain't a lady at all." He said. "Now if you don't mind, Raph, Jude and I will be going now. It's been a real blast…_literally_! Ha-ha-ha! Man, I crack myself up!"

Laughing in a silly fashion, he ran off after Raphael and Judas. Suddenly he noticed something. A door which read "Contraband".

"_Hmm_…"

He walked inside.

"HOLY CRAP! LOOKIT ALL THIS STUFF!"

It was a huge closet filled to the brink with personal belongings, like a confiscated items closet from his school. He noticed two things in particular. "Hey, that's mine!" He said out loud, picking up his backpack and putting it on his back. With his other hand he picked up his Grandpa's stick and twirled it. "All right…all RIGHT…I feel gooood." Dropping the sword, Nick then left the room and headed off after Raphael and Judas, who were out of sight.

Leviathan groaned in pain as she stirred, trying to get up.

"I failed…the Lord Demon of Envy failed…ugh. No matter…Lilith is Demon of Lust and the second half to the Mind…she will succeed for sure." She rose back up, and then transformed once more into her human form. "I've got a previous engagement with Minos and the Body anyhow…" She chuckled.

Drago and Vassago faced down Lillith as she stood there, before them and the dammed that the two demons were leading/protecting. Mark and Richard were right behind her, panting, both had been barely able to keep up with her. All of them were now on a desolate plain of red dirt, as fire belched across the sky of Hell and stalagmites popped up here and there on the plain.

"So we meet again, Vassago." Lillith said, smiling in a frightening fashion.

"Lillith. Didn't think I'd end up fighting you. But I owe it to the kid."

"Same here." Drago said, cracking his knuckles. "I may not have the demon chi of my aunts and uncles, but I can still take you on."

Vassago turned to the dammed. "Ready thyselves!" He shouted. They let out a war whoop of sorts and raised their weapons and shields. Mark clenched his fists tight on his crowbar.

Lillith laughed. "Oh please! Let me show you how much of a threat you are to me…"

She reached into her pocket.

"Oh! Is she going fow a weapon?" Richard asked.

**TA-DA! **

She had pulled out a small book with the title "Crosswords For The Road". "Hmm. Let's see…"

Raphael, having escaped from the hallway, swooped into the air and leveled his spear at Lilith. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Fascist."

"Huh?"

"7 letter word for someone who forces their views on others, Mussolini was one of these."

Raphael growled and threw his spear. Lillith leisurely stepped to the side, still doing the crossword. She wrenched it out and tossed it away. Raphael dove at it while Vassago rushed at her, a sword held high. He slammed it down upon her, but she side-stepped over and over as he swung and swung.

"Judas. 5 letter word for a betrayer. Derived from religious name." She grinned and filled it in.

Vassago swung it down very hard. She leisurely grabbed the blade and then kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying. He collided with Drago and both of them went down, groaning in pain.

"Pathetic. 8- letter word for something of bad quality that fails to meet standards."

"You f—king little c—t!" Mark shouted. He raised his crowbar and rushed at her.

Lillith simply blew in his direction and he was blown violently back by a gust of black wind that sent him tumbling to the ground. She laughed.

"Moron. 5 letter word for idiot."

Judas appeared from behind her. He grabbed her throat and was trying to strangle her, but he didn't seem to be doing anything. She continued to do her crossword and with one free hand flicked him off. He was sent flying through the air and Raphael barely caught him. She grinned evilly. As the dammed rushed toward her now, weapons held high…

She blew them all away with a single sweep of her hand. They were sent flying back and landed on the ground, all groaning, bruised and injured. It seemed that there wasn't anyone who was tough enough to take her on, Raph and Jude couldn't do it, Drago and Vassago would just get blown back, and no ordinary human had the strength.

"Success. 8 letter word for accomplishment." Lilith said proudly.

"BITCH WITCH. 10 letter term for what you are." An angry voice yelled out.

Lillith turned around and glared at Nick as he twirled his Grandpa's stick, sticking it in the ground and putting his backpack down and his dukes up. "Let's get this party started right, bitch witch."

Lillith tossed the book aside. NOBODY called her those names! "You're going to _**fry**_, little man!" She howled. She raised her hands her nails extended into large claws. She rushed at him and Nick jumped back as she slashed and slashed. However she wasn't able to hit him, he kept skipping back and around and around, all the while singing a little song.

"And hup-two-three-four, hup-two-three-four, come on honey, work that flab, thrust your pelts and blast your abs! Don't stop now, you can't rest, this will help pump up your-"

SWISH!

She managed to score a hit…on his hair. A lock fell down. They stared at it. Nick looked back up, eyes a-blazing.

"DON'T. TOUCH. THE. HAIR." He told her angrily, raising his fist which now burned with a fiery aura and slamming it into her face.

KAPOOOOOOWWWWWW! She went flying through the air, groaning in pain. She stood up, her clothes ruined. "You rotten little-"

Suddenly she got an idea. She brushed her hair and winked at Nick. He blinked a few times.

"Say, why are we fighting? A big, strong kid like you…you must have…urges. A young man's urges and a young man's…_needs_."

"I don't want to have sex with you." Nick immediately said. "I want to save myself for marriage."

Lillith pouted. "Oh, come on! How about just a quick groping session? Or some-"

"Look, no. I have a girlfriend."

"She's no girlfriend, she's 3 years younger than you are!"

"I love her."

"Come on, Nick…I can satisfy you far more than she can…" Lillith purred, her voice becoming hypnotic…

But Nick's aura suddenly flared up around him, making everyone go "Oooh".

"Look, I believe in being loyal to your girl, in treating her with respect and in protecting her should she ever be in trouble, in REAL trouble. We've gone to movies; we've gone double-dutch and went in half and half when paying for ice cream. We've walked on the beach, gone swimming and done cannonballs off the high dive, and we've kissed. She is my love, and if I even so much as THINK about doing any kind of act that's REMOTELY sexual with you, then I'll feel like I'm betraying her trust, her love. I am a one girl guy…and you're not even a girl. You're a woman. And I don't like older women. So no offense, but you're a bitch witch and I'm not going to listen to any of your tricks. Just take your sexy act and stick it in your ear and then up your ass."

(Heeeeey hey hey! A quick reminder: Nick's eccentric, so try not to say what he's saying, okay? You'll probably get killed. ESPECIALLY don't ever say that stuff to a woman in public, kids!)

Lillith's smile suddenly faded. "Then I'll rip your heart out and EAT it, you little brat."

Nick cracked his knuckles and took up a battle stance.

"Bring it, bitch! Are you ready for this? Because I sure-"

Suddenly it happened. His watch sprang to life again!

**BGM: From Rushomle with Love, by Mint Royale**

"What the? Hey, I know this song! It's the theme music to Kung Pow, Enter the Fist!" Nick exclaimed happily. "**Cool**!"

Then he noticed that his body was being covered in head to toe with the rainbow aura. It was dousing him in magical, shimmering light, transforming his appearance. From the toe to head, he changed. His shoes became sandals. His pants became white. He now had gloves on and a belt with a big silver buckle. He had _hitae-ate_ headband that had a Polaris star insignia on it and, most interesting of all, a large white t-shirt that read "Let's Fighting Love" in Japanese kanji on the front and back.

"What the?" Lillith wondered out loud. "How in the here-"

"KIYAAAAH!" Nick screamed, jumping at her, right fist and right foot extended, shirt flapping in the breeze. His fist slammed into her stomach and she almost puked, but instead was forced back a few steps. She took up her own battle pose.

"You think you can take me on? Ha! I'm the Lord Demon of Lust and the female counterpart of the Mind of the Devil!"

"Female counterpart of Mild of the Devil?"

"Mephistoles is the male. Like you're ever gonna meet HIM though!"

She rushed at him, slashing and slicing. He jumped back, skipped back would be a better term. Before everyone' surprised eyes he skipped back and back, going around the plains and all the whiling singing a little ditty.

"Come on honey, work that flab, pump those muscles, blast those abs! Don't stop now, you can't rest, this will help plump up your-"

SWICK.

She nicked his hair. A lock fell to the ground, and both of them stared at it. Lillith put a finger to her mouth and blinked innocently. "Ooh, did I do dat?" She asked in an annoyingly cutesy tone. Nick cracked his knuckles and suddenly grabbed her by the collar.

"**DON'T. TOUCH. THE. HAIR**." He snarled again, slamming his fist into her face. She went flying through the air and landed face first in the dirt, groaning. As she staggered up he rushed at her, punching here and there.

"1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4!" He shouted as he swung, landing hits on her cheeks, stomach, chest, shoulder and chin. Finally she managed to get a good slash on him and he was sent back, nursing sore and badly bleeding wounds on his face from her extended, claw-like fingernails.

"OUCH! That HURTS!" He exclaimed. Lillith sneered at him. "Uh, duh! That's the point! So, like it little boy?"

"A touch, a touch, I do confess!" Nick admitted.

"The Bard, huh? I have an idea! I'll be Brutus, Cassius and the Senate, and you can be Julius Caesar, sound good? So stand still!"

She swung both fists down on him and he jumped back, and then jumped forward with his knee extended…

Kneeing her in the crotch.

"Ooh!" Everyone exclaimed as she let out a gasp and fell down, nursing her crotch. Nick immediately gasped in shock and horror, he hadn't meant to do THAT! "Oh crap, oh crap, I am so, so sorry, Oh my God-"

"**AAAAAA**!!!"

"Oh my **God**…" Nick pulled at his hair, obviously upset, although not nearly as upset as Lillith clearly was.

"**AAAAAA**!"

"Are you alright, are you alright, I am so, so sorry are you alright?" Nick asked, leaning down and helping her up. The minute she was up she kicked him in the stomach and he fell down on the ground, groaning.

"Idiot! Never help your enemy up! Pity makes you so weak…"

"So does gloating over a foe that's not down!" Nick growled furiously, jumping up and kicking her in the chin. Her arms pinwheeled and then she fell down on the ground as Nick stood up, brushing himself off. Angrily she jumped back up and tried to smack him around, but he instituted Dai Gui's blocking skills and as a result…

"North! South! West! Northwest! Southwest! North! Northwest! South! Southwest! Wow, it works!" Nick exclaimed.

"Stand-still-you-f----t!" She screamed.

Nick suddenly kicked her hard in the stomach and she fell back, groaning. When she looked up she saw that his hands were behind his back, cupped slightly, his aura converging in an orb of rainbow light between his hands.

"I…AM NOT…A FAGGGOOOOOOOOTTTT!" He shouted, thrusting his hands forward. The orb burst forth a beam of incredibly powerful energy that slammed into Lillith, burning away her clothes and eventually…

FA-BOOOOM! The bitch witch was sent flying across the plains of Hell by the resulting blast of energy, finally vanishing into the sky with a twinkle. Nick collapsed onto his knees and grabbed his head. "Ugh! ARGH!"

Raphael, still carrying Judas, hovered down on his angelic wings. Judas hopped off and helped Nick up. "You okay?" He asked.

"Ohh, my **heaaaaad**!" Nick exclaimed.

Raphael mussed up his hair. "You did great, Nick. You did great."

Drago clapped. "Now THAT was a fine display of aura. Now then, since Judas is here…"

"Could you, uh, tell us how to go home, mistuh Judas?" Richard asked.

Judas nodded. "See that bridge?"

He pointed at a large natural bridge about half a mile away to the Southeast. "Past that bridge are three doors, and one of them leads to the mortal world. ANYWHERE on Earth, just need to think of the location. I just don't remember which door is the one, though. Sorry"

Nick shook the cobwebs out of his head. "Ugh. Well, lead the way, Mr. Iscariot." He asked. "Onward and…and stuff…_oe_, my head! It feels like someone hit it with a hammer eighteen bazillion times!"

They all walked across the bridge and up to the three doors. All of them were large and resembled the doors to a huge Catholic church, only one had a large red "1", the other had a "2" and the last had a "3".

"Pick one." Judas suggested. Nick was ABOUT to, when…

"All right, hold it."

A growling, vaguely familiar voice spoke up. Everyone gasped as something large, furry and with three heads fell down from the ceiling. It had been gripping onto a stalactite, hanging on intently.

"I watched your little tussle with the Lord Demon of Lust. Impressive, very impressive."

"Oh crap. Cerberus." Vassago groaned.

Cerberus, guard dog of Hell. It was his duty to make sure no dead souls exited hell and that no living souls entered. He was a huge, frighteningly scary dog with deep set black eyes that burned with a deep fire within, sharp claws, and thick black hair over his body. His tail was actually a friggin' HUGE snake, and its head hissed at them all.

"You're not to leave." It said angrily. "I'm supposed to guard any exits…or at least the most important ones. And this exit's very important because it doubles as three exits to different places. Not that…" The huge dog grinned evilly with all of its heads. "_You're_ going to see where they go."

"Oh really?" Nick asked. "Tell me something…is it true Orpheus lulled you to sleep with music?"

"Yes…why?" Cerberus asked, a bit confused.

Nick held up his watch. "Play away!"

"Oh you gotta be s—tin' me!" Cerberus groaned as some peaceful, classical music began to play. His eyes closed and he fell into a very, very deep sleep. "Thank God for music." Nick said. He walked up to Cerberus's back and pulled the dog to the side by his snake/tail, out of the way. The dog was STILL asleep!

"Okay, now then…"

Nick opened door number one. "I wonder what's in-"

**BGM: BOING!**

"GROSS, SEX!"

"Um, this room's taken." Satan and Minos said quickly from their bed.

"Honeys, is something wrong?" Leviathan asked, getting up from the other side of the bed.

Mark rubbed his eyes intensely. "My eyes! They burn! They buuuurrrnnnn!"

Vassago made a face. "Ew. Honestly, why on Earth would anyone choose to be gay? You get thrice the satisfaction from a woman! You can only stick it in two places for a man-"

Richard kicked him in the shin and he shut up instantly. Nick shoved the door closed as soon as he could.

"Relax, Nick, relax." Nick told himself. "Nothing some intense scrubbing with sulfuric acid won't fix…"

They opened the second door.

**SFX: Hallelujah! Hallelujah!  
**

"A-W-E-S-O-M-E!" Nick exclaimed. There was a large portal in front of them, changing and swirling and showing different locations across the globe. "Simply think of your location on Earth and you're there." Judas reiterated. Nick stepped aside. "Okay, any humans who are currently dead, go on through."

One by one they passed through as Nick held the door open, all saying "Thank you" in different languages, tones and accents. When the last one had gone through, Nick turned to Richard and Mark, who were still there. "Guys, you go on through."

Richard hugged Nick. "Thanks, Nick. You'we a weal fwiend." He smiled happily and walked on through. Mark didn't go though. "They can go first." He said.

Drago stepped forward. "Well, then lemme go through."

Nick looked him up and down. "How do I know you won't try to get even with the Chans?"

"I don't have those fancy demon chi powers anymore, remember?" Drago told him. "And they've beaten me way too easily before when I didn't." He admitted shamefully. "So I'm not THAT big of a threat. Come on. Please?"

Nick thought about it for all of five seconds before he cheerfully said "Go ahead". Drago's face lit up like a kid at Christmas and he jumped on through with a whoop. Raphael stepped forward.

"I must return to Heaven. I can get up there by a path that extends from Earth. Since Richard's a force of light, perhaps…perhaps he will be accepted above." He ruffled Nick's hair. "I'll do all I can to help Shin. And Nick, Mark…I am very proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad." Nick blurted out suddenly. He covered his mouth a moment later, but the feeling was there…Raphael was a lot like his Dad. The archangel smiled. "Any message you want me to deliver?"

"Tell Grandpa I'm…I'm really sorry. And please, help Shin escape, if you can."

Raphael nodded. "I will." He said.

Vassago sighed. "And this is where I have to leave you." He told Nick. "I'm grateful that you let me come along, and I certainly got a kick outta seeing you give Satan and Lillith a good punch to the face, but I'm a crown prince of Hell and I don't belong up there. So…well, goodbye, kid." He patted Nick on the shoulder. "You got a lot of spirit, and I like that. But if we meet again, and I KNOW we will…we'll probably be enemies. I just wanted to warn you ahead of time because I like you."

Nick nodded. "All right. Hey, tell me…how'd you end up down here in Hell anyway?"

Vassago was quiet for a while. Then he spoke. "I…used to be an angel up in Heaven, and I had…I had many friends. But there was one special friend who I was worried for. One who really confided in me. I told him if he ever was in deep trouble, if he ever needed someone to lift him up, I would be that one. And then…it happened. He needed me. And I fulfilled my promise."

"I understand." Nick said. "He…he rebelled, didn't he?"

"Yes. I went along with him and rebelled. I am not sorry I did…just that he's so messed up now because of what happened."

"Well…I'm sorry." Nick said.

Vassago turned away, giving a small, half-baked shrug. "Wait! Vassago?!" Nick called out as he walked away. The demon turned around. "What?"

"…thanks." Nick said. "For everything."

Vassago gave him a thumbs up and then walked off. Raphael, carrying Judas, who smiled and mouthed "Thank you" at Nick, went through the portal. Nick and Mark were left alone.

"Okay. Let's go." Nick said. Mark hugged Nick tight. "I don't know if I'll see you again. I'm going back to my family, you're going to San Francisco, so…"

"It's okay. I understand. And you're still my friend and always will be, no matter how far apart we become." Nick told him.

Mark smiled. "Thank you, Nick. Take care of yourself." He stepped through the portal. Now Nick was alone. He turned to look back at Vassago, who was already far away. He was about to go through when an idea came into his head.

"Why not try the third door?" He thought out loud, going to it. He opened it up.

There was Tchang Zu, in his youthful, human form. "Ni-Nick…h-h-help…please…" He muttered. He was chained to the wall, beaten and bruised, with whip marks on his chest. "Oh my GOD!" Nick gasped. "Tchang? What happened?"

"The Chans sent me down here…they cast a spell…only a reversal of that spell can free me." He muttered. He looked embarrassedly ashamed. "I…I forgot who you were up on Earth, something…something messed with our memories, some magical power, but down here, I remember. And Xan, he…he's down here too, he's…he actually-"

Suddenly his mouth was violently shut tight, and stitches appeared on it, keeping him from saying anything more. But his eyes were screaming "HELP" at Nick.

"I'll figure out something." Nick assured him. He closed the door and took in a deep breath. "All right. I have to go find the Chans." He approached the portal.

_Take me to San Francisco, to the Chans..._

He stepped inside…

Jade and her family had finally settled down and were sipping tea, listening to Mr. Ryu tell his story.

"So after my mother died in a carriage accident, my grandmother took me and my grandpa took my brother. We each went to the states, only I went to Los Angeles and my brother went to Florida."

"It's awful that your father was never around." Tohru said sympathetically. "My father died when I was young."

"So I eventually graduated from college, got my teaching degree…I'm pretty clever, but I had to get some favors called in to teach here. I almost didn't graduate because of this incident with a teacher. I caught her…um…well, I caught her doing things she ought not to have been doing. She said it was all lies. By the time they'd figured out I was telling the truth, there was a stain on my record."

"That's just awful." Jackie agreed. "But here you can have a fresh start, right?"

Suddenly a knock came on the door. Jackie went to answer it.

It was pouring rain outside, and a teenager who was buck tired with a backpack and a walking stick stood there, getting soaked.

"I'm looking for the Chans, for _you_…you guys were the ones who…who first sent them away…" He mumbled in a daze.

"Who?"

"The demons." Nick gasped, falling on his face.

"OH!" Jackie shouted. Everyone rushed into the main hall to see Nick passed out. Jade gasped. "It's him! The kid from my dreams!"

"Get him on the couch!" Uncle demanded.

_Get him on the couch…_

_Couch…_

_Couch…_

And that was all Nick heard before darkness set in.


	21. Bring it All Together, Pt4

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER, PT. 4

Far, far into the past, long after Long Oah, Blossom, Shin, Xan and Richard were gone…

"It's been a while, hasn't it, brothers and sisters?" Shendu asked his family as they stood on Reunion Hill, overlooking the valley. All of them were in demon form, and all were contemplative. They hadn't seen each other in at least a few centuries.

"…so…what have you all being doing?" Xiao asked.

"I tried going straight for a while." Tchang admitted. "Tried to be a Gladiator, as you can see." He was wearing very fine armor that was extremely impressive and probably very expensive. "It was fun for quite a while, but I kept winning my freedom as I changed my form over and over, and eventually I just got tired of it. It just simply didn't…well, stick."

Tso Lan was standing next to Dai Gui, who sat calmly on the ground, humming. "My brother here and I had been visiting Africa. It was down there that…well, I…I made a mistake. A big one. My brother paid for it."

Dai Gui stopped humming and looked at his brother. "It…it happens." He told him. "I cannot stay angry at you forever. You were only trying to improve me…"

Po Kong was picking her teeth. "I've been trying different cuisine around the world, but Japan's got the best, I have to tell you."

"You should cut down on the fatty foods." Bai Tsa said.

"She should cut down on the fatty PEOPLE." Hsi Wu corrected.

Po Kong "harrumphed" and Bai Tsa spoke up. "I'd been spending time with…with that sailor I wrote to you all about."

"Oh, yes, he sounds quite noble. A Coast Guard hero, AND a talented painter." Tso Lan complimented. "You said he painted a beautiful one of you…how is he?"

"A sorcerer killed him." She muttered quickly.

"Oh." The others were silent for a while. Then Hsi spoke up.

"I tried going straight as well, went over to the New World, to the place Nick said would be called America. It's a fascinating place. I almost settled down as a shaman, but…well, then the settlers showed up and started invading my lands, and…"

"Did it get messy?" Tchang asked, a hint of bloodlust in his voice.

"Very."

"Gooood."

"What about you, Xiao?" Shendu asked.

"Oh, I visited Spain. It's a very interesting country…"

"It is, isn't it?' Tchang agreed. He'd visited it too. "But I can't stand those…those castanet things."

"And they're a bit too interested in sex for my tastes."

Shendu snickered. "No such thing as too much sex. Anyhow, while you were all out having so-called "vacations", I've built up a very large kingdom, and nobody can challenge me-"

"EXCEPT FOR US."

They all turned to their left and saw, down in the valley, huge armies amassing. At the front…the Eight Immortals.

"Well, well. This is a surprise." Shendu admitted.

"Demon! Your tyrannical rule ends here!" Lo Pei shouted. "ATTACK!"

The armies charged forward. The demons rushed to meet them. What occurred was a fantastic battle.

At first, it seemed as though the demons had the upper hand. When someone managed to stab a spear into Bai Tsa's back, she turned into water. "All right!" The group that had crowded around her shouted. A moment later though, she rose up from the puddle she'd become, turning back to normal with a banshee shriek.

"Oh f-" They didn't even have time to finish their sentence. A summoned tidal wave washed them away. "It appears…you are ALL WASHED UP." The Water Demon cackled.

Meanwhile, Tso Lan was leisurely scratching an itch on his chin as a large part of one of the armies marched towards him, completely surrounding him. "You're finished, Demon of the Moon!" The commander shouted. "You're completely outnumbered!"

"And you…are completely outclassed." He said simply, raising a claw. They all began to hover up into the air, higher, higher. "What amateurs." He muttered. When they'd risen about 100 feet high into the air he clapped his hands and they fell down. The resulting "KASPLAT" and "CHACHUNK" as heavily armored bodies hit the ground wasn't a pretty combination to hear, and the sight was just as disgusting, if not more so. Tso simply turned away, a cruel smile forming. "Serves you right for challenging he who has mastered gravity."

Tchang Zu was having a field day with the armies, sending out bolts of lightning everywhere. It was like swatting flies for him, their armor was VERY conductive.

"HEY!" Po Kong called out. "How many have you gotten?"

"179…"

KAZAAAP!

"Make that 202."

"Ha! I've got you beat. I've gotten 267…"

"AAAA-"

GULP!

"268."

Po Kong was simply pigging out on any humans that got too close, and unfortunately the commanders of the armies kept ordering troops to rush her and stab her with their spears, swords, etc. It was a banquet for her.

Meanwhile, Dai Gui stood looking at the soldiers who were now behind a very fierce-looking commander with long hair and who smelled a lot like whiskey.

"If you want, you can run." He suggested quietly. "I might let you go. Dai Gui is not interested in wasting time. I must return to rebuilding my underground kingdom."

"You wrecked eighteen villages, fourteen towns and 12 cities all in the Southeast section of China in the name of your kingdom!" The commander shouted. "You die today! CHARGE!"

"Once more, I'll have to get my hands dirty." Dai said, digging into the earth just as they charged at him. He vanished deep down.

"Hey…where'd he go?" Someone called out. They all looked around. No sign.

Suddenly something quickly jumped up from the ground, screams were cut short as a pair of jaws snapped. The group of soldiers and their commander turned to look…nothing…where about 6 soldiers and their horses had been standing.

A loud burp came up from the hole Dai Gui had dug.

"Oh dear." The commander gulped as a pair of horns surfaced up above, rushing through the ground and towards him and his men.

"Boy, this brings back memories." Hsi Wu said calmly as he watched Xiao blow and blow, sending soldiers flying up into the air. Occasionally Hsi would swoop up, grab one, and break his neck, tossing him aside. Xiao snickered. "I guess when it comes to fighting, I blow the competition away!"

Hsi whacked him. "OW! What was THAT for?"

"For making a poor pun." Hsi told him. "Now stand back and watch REAL power." He held up a clawed hand to the sky, and began to chant. "Summon darkness, summon darkness…"

The sky became dark. The sun was shrouded by dark clouds, and none of the soldiers on the ground near Hsi and Xiao could see anything.

Except for the pair of red eyes that raced towards them from above.

Shendu was doing the best, with his Talisman powers, he simply tore through the armies like they were paper, completely losing himself to demonic bloodlust, laughing madly. The resulting slaughter frightened even Tchang Zu, and the blood flowed so thickly it could have turned a river completely red.

But, as I said before, it only started OUT in the demon's favor.

"They're weakening." Lo Pei said. Sure enough, the armies going against the demons kept on coming, and the demons were getting sloppy in their fighting. Bai Tsa had three men pulling on her tentacles, giving her a headache so great she couldn't form into water. Po Kong was simply swarmed by men who jabbed her over and over with spears. Xiao opened up his mouth to give another deep breath…someone tossed a bomb right in. POW, he fell to the ground, dazed, and was swarmed. When Hsi tried to come to his aid someone threw a net over him and pinned him to the ground.

Tchang Zu's legs had been tied together by bolos, and he hopped around a few times, outraged, before falling over on the ground. Tso Lan's mastery of gravity wasn't enough to stop a chi spell that a few dozen sorcerers in the army managed to pull off, sending him flying across the plains, hitting a rock hard and almost breaking his back. Dai Gui tried to help his brothers, but when he appeared above ground a chi spell got him too, sending him hovering into the air in a bubble or sorts which he couldn't break, and Shendu was caught off guard by a stun spell, falling to the ground, unable to do anything but blink.

Lo Pei motioned for the other immortals to move forward. One approached Tchang Zu, the first one. "I heard you went to Spain." He said. Tchang Zu's eyes focused in on the human who was speaking. "Cao Guojiu? But you're just an **actor**!"

"I _also_ heard you don't like the castanets." Cao said, raising a pair of red castanets up. "Tell me if you find this annoying." He began to snap them quickly, dancing to a Latin beat. Tchang Zu growled in pain, and the castanets began to glow with a bright green light. "What the?" Dai exclaimed.

VOOM! The light shot out, hitting Tchang Zu. He was enveloped and sent flying, far, far away…to the New World, in what would become Hollywood, California. A large portal door opened up and he sailed right through with a cry.

Po Kong gasped. "I-Impossible! How on Earth did you…"

Another immortal named Zhang Guo Lao walked up to her, holding up a large looking drum. "This drum from a village you devoured in Japan!" He shouted angrily. "It's time you paid for your gluttonous evil!" As Zhang banged it over and over, chanting, the drum glowed with the same light that the castanets had had. Po Kong squirmed, trying to stand up, but she had such little upper body strength that it was impossible, AND a pathetic sight to see. She was enveloped in the light and sent flying, all the way to Japan itself.

Xiao Fung groaned in pain. His mouth felt like it was on fire, and what was about to happen wouldn't make him feel much better. Zhongli Quan approached, fair flowing gently. She held up a fan. Her face was set in stone. "I take no joy in this. This must simply be done." She waved it at him, chanting. "Oh, crap!" He managed to get out before he was enveloped and sent flying to the New World, like his brother…only he landed into a portal located in a dark, huge forest instead of in the rolling hills of California.

Hsi tried to escape, tried to break free of the net, but his body was very weak. All he could do was twitch his tail and struggle vainly as the immortal Han Xiang Li approached him, pointing something at the Sky Demon. His eyes widened.

"A flute. Look familiar? It belonged to a girl and her father, both of whom you killed!"

It had belonged to his beloved, to Haruno. He had no qualms about what he'd done to her father, but for anyone to suggest he would have ever harmed the beautiful and lovely Haruno, the woman who turned night into day with a smile…

He lost it, screaming and howling, tearing at the net as best he could, shredding it. "I'LL KILL YOU! YOU STUPID HUMAN, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL-"

She tooted it. Her fellow immortals chanted. It glowed with light and shot out at him just as he dived at Han.

"I'LL-"

A few moments later he was flying through the air. Another moment later he'd been sent to a place in what would become Boston, Massachusetts in North America, specifically Fenway Park.

Tso Lan was utterly silent as the next immortal approached. He Xiangu looked intently at him, a lotus in his hand. "Aren't you going to toss an insult at me too, foul demon?"

"You can send me to Hell or to Oblivion itself. It won't matter. One day we'll break out. Then you will be sorry." He said.

"In the future we might pay. But not today." The immortal told him, chanting. Tso Lan let out a horrid scream as he was sent up, up, up…all the way up into space. A portal opened and he vanished straight into it.

Dai Gui mumbled in pain. The immortal Lan Caihe approached him. The shell on Dai Gui's back was partially cracked, and he was panting heavily.

"No…fair…" He managed to get out as Lan held up a flower. A dandelion, as a matter of fact. "No fair…ganging up…on Dai Gui…"

"Life's not fair. Get used to it." Lan said, chanting. Dai didn't even have the strength to cry out as he was sent up and flying, all the way to Spain, disappearing into a portal to join his brothers and Po Kong.

Bai Tsa had actually been stuffed inside of a bottle, and she couldn't get out. Her watery form was spitting out curses by the dozen as Li Tieguai picked it up, shaking it.

"Cramped, isn't it? I heard that you've been sleeping with pretty much every hot sailor you can get your hands on…how much sex does a demon really need?"

"It's not about the sex, it's about the-oh, you wouldn't understand!"

"I don't need to. You're going to somewhere far away from your "escorts"!"

"You annoying little fools, I'll kill you f—king b—tards, I'll-"

He tossed the bottle down and held up a gourd. Bai Tsa immediately tried to escape and using the last of her strength broke out…

Too late. The chi spell of the gourd struck her, sending her flying all the way through the air, straight to Rome, Italy as a matter of fact. She went through the portal with a cry of "What a world!".

Only Shendu was left. He staggered up and faced down Lo Pei, fury raging in his eyes.

"You may have beaten my brothers and sisters, but they don't have my power!" He snarled. "As Nick might have put it, "I'm the shiznit", or "the one with all the juice, man".

"I know all about you, Shendu. You and your brother Xan were two sides of the same coin, both inheritors of the Ultimate Evil. Now he is gone, and only you remain…" Lo Pei cracked his knuckles. "That cannot be allowed."

"Die, you old fool!" Shendu snarled, spitting fire.

"Energy scroll!" Lo Pei shouted, thrusting out his hand. A scroll flew out from his sleeve, hitting the blast of fire with an energy bolt and both vaporized in the air. "Now take this!" Lo Pei thrust out both hands, and two scrolls shot out, hovering in the air. A large gong was sounded, chanting filled Shendu's ears. Suddenly he felt something strange…it was like something was being ripped away from his very soul…

And then he realized what. Jets of light shot from his body, forming into small, stone talismans with crests of animals upon them. He gasped. "How…how on Earth?"

"The boy's influence over you has done nothing!" Lo Pei told him. "Our spells have not only banished your family to the netherworld plane, but they have wiped them of your memories of the one who dared to interfere with the Time Stream. But I know if I send you into that void, a new, stronger evil will come forth. Therefore…"

Lo grinned in a wild fashion. "You shall be punished…in a more…_creative_ fashion."

Shendu didn't even have time to let out a good scream as the spell struck him, turning his memory inside out and twisting his body into a circular statue. A moment later all went dark…

It was over. It was all over…

PRESENT…

"It's all over, after a hectic day of slaughter and carnage; it appears the sun has finally shone through on this darkened world. Riots are quieting down across San Francisco and all over the globe, and tomorrow has been declared a national day of mourning for all of the dead that perished in the San Francisco riots that took place as little as 24 hours ago. 845 are dead, 1034 are severely injured and 64 are missing. All of us here at Channel 18 News give our condolences to the families whose loved ones have suffered. Now all America and the world can do…is move on, taking the lessons we have learned from our suffering into the future, so that the mistakes of the past cannot be repeated. I'm Willy Little, reporting for Channel 18 News-"

BEEEEOOOOP.

"Good, I'm tired of listening to the news reports."

"I'm just glad all the demons seemed to have vanished off the streets and that things have quieted down."

"Hmm…I do not trust this boy. His chi flow is verrrry strange."

"I can sense it too, sensei. But he seems nice enough. Jade, are you sure this boy is the one you saw in your vision?"

"I'm totally positive! And I'm sure he needs our help."

"I can sense his chi flow too, I've never SEEN such raw power that's yet to be manifested!"

"You want I should wake him up?"

"What, by whacking him in the face?"

"Jade!"

"El Toro isn't the paragon of perfection, Paco!...Jackie is!"

"El Toro Fuerte is an expert in everything! Your little mouse man comes second!"

"Jackie!"

"El Toro!"

"JACKIE!"

"EL TORO!"

"Jackie, I swear I didn't take anything from his wallet or his backpack. His stuff's all over there, next to that gong."

"…are you suuure?"

"Yes. Oh, here. I uh…"borrowed" a towel from a hotel. Soak it in water and put it on the kid's-oh wait, he's waking up!"

Nick blinked his eyes. "Ouch! Oh, my heaaaaaad! What hit me?" He groggily asked.

"We were hoping you could tell us." A voice asked. It had a distinctly Chinese accent. Nick looked at the owner.

"OH…MY…GOD! JACKIE CHAN!" He bounded up from the couch he'd been lying on and began eagerly shaking the action star's hand. "Can I have your autograph I am like a HUGE fan and my mom thinks you're super cute and you were so cool in "The Drunken Master" and-"

"Woah, woah, I am not a movie star!" Jackie insisted.

"And how do you know his name?" Uncle asked.

"Well, it's a long story…" He grinned mischievously. "Billy goat."

WHACK!

"OW!"

"Do not insult Unclllle! One more thing!"

"How do I have powers?"

"Yes. One MORE thing…"

"How did I get here in the first place?"

"One MORE thing-"

"Stop interrupting you?"

WHACK!

"Okay, okay, I'll stop! Sheesh!"

"The first boy is too polite, now this one is too ruuuuude!" Uncle complained.

Nick rubbed his sore head. "Sorry...but seriously, Mr. Chan, can I have your autograph?" Nick asked with puppy-dog eyes.

"I am an archaeologist. Not a movie star." Jackie insisted.

"Uh, actually you are." Nick said. "At least, where I come from. And you're also a character in a cartoon show, along with Jade, Tohru (who used to work for the Dark Hand) Uncle, Paco, El Toro, Viper, etc, etc."

**SFX: Cricket's chirping**

"……"

"……"

"……woaaaaah. Coooool!" Jade beamed. "You're from another world?"

"Another version of Earth, to be precise! It's a lot like yours, only magic's way, WAY more harder to find, and most people don't believe it exists, and demons don't show up every now and then. Unless they get elected or hide away during an attack on their country…"

"Huh?" Jackie asked, blinking.

Jade snickered. "I get it!"

Nick smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, my world's pretty dang tame compared to yours. You probably want me to tell the whole story, right?" Nick asked, sitting down. Uncle nodded. "Start at beginning. That is best way."

Nick began to tell his story, starting from the moment he and his family and his best friend Matt had arrived at the movies…

"And then when I saw them getting taken away, I had to do SOMETHING, so I ran right in after them! And that's when I met Joe, Sylvia and Captain Blue, I was totally geeking out!…"

Then after that tale, he told them about visiting Lilo and Stitch's world…

"So there I was, with Keoni dead and Kaiser laughing his head off, I just LOST it, I swore at him and tackled him and we went right out the friggin' window, can you believe that? Then…"

Then Nick's tale arrived at his time with the kids…

"I mean, who knew their father was such a man-slut? And a freak! I don't even wanna know what he put in the lotion. Anyhow, Dai taught me some blocking techniques, Xan instructed me on aura manipulation…"

Finally his trip to Hell…

"Seriously though, what's an archangel doing down in Hell anyway? But all the same after arriving at the door and they'd gone through one by one, I bid my buddy Mark and the rest of them farewell and I stepped on through, and that's how I ended up here."

Silence.

Then…

"Oh wow." Jade gaped. "That's an amazing story!"

"You were friends with demons? Tohru! Get my pufferfish!"

"Yes, sensei-"

"Woah, relax! They didn't put a bug on me or anything. I'm not wearing a wiretap. They're not as evil as you think they are, although I'm pretty sure Xiao Fung's a total freak-a-leek and Shin IS gay and Po Kong eats too much and Xan's possibly psychopathic, but other than that they're normal. As normal as demon normal gets anyway."

"…right." Uncle took the others aside. "Excuse us."

When they were all in the kitchen, Uncle's face turned sour. "Uncle does not trust him. His chi flow is _incredibly_ unusual. That is not good siiiiiign!"

"Well he is supposed to be a chosen." Torhu spoke up. "Maybe being a chosen has-"

"It is not simply that. He has…darkness in him. Incredible darkness that could easily slip out."

"But he looks harmless." Viper said, looking back into the living room. Nick gave the peace sign and grinned in a silly fashion.

"His POTENTIAL is what scares Uncle." Uncle said. "He has the potential to be the single biggest threat to all of humanity. Uncle can tell. Uncle knows these things."

"Hey, is this "South Park Season 8"?" Nick asked from the living room, picking up a DVD case from near the television. Jade walked in and went up to Nick, looking at the DVD case. "Yeah."

"Does it have "Good Times With Weapons"? That's my favorite episode!" Nick asked.

Jade's eyes lit up. "You…you watch South Park"?"

"You bet your sweet bippy I do!" Nick told her. "Isn't Cartman such an a-hole?"

Jade walked back into the kitchen with a spring in her step. "Anyone who likes "South Park" is okay by me. I say we trust him."

"Besides, he smells of nice."

"…what?" Jackie asked.

"I can smell the bad ones." Paco boasted. "This one smells like bubble gum and vanilla. He is a nice person. He can be trusted."

"Paco's nose sense is NEVER wrong!" El Toro said proudly, rubbing Paco's hair in a playful manner.

Jackie groaned. "But the show does not expand-oh…forget it. I will have to call Captain Black…see if he can pull some strings…"

Torhu noticed the necklace Nick had on. "Sensei…look at it."

Uncle's eyes peered keenly at it. "It's…glowing." Uncle gasped. Indeed, it was. "Oh, that's cool!" Jade exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think it has something to do with my aura." Nick thought out loud. "I wonder if I can manifest my powers now…"

He cupped his palm. "Okay, uh, BRING THE HEAT."

A small flame popped up. "Cool!...woah, feelin' dizzy here!" Nick muttered, suddenly falling over on his back. The flame vanished the moment he hit the ground. "Ugh…head…hurts…"

"Uncles believes you have been using your aura for so long that was powers you have are depleted." Uncle explained. "You need lots of rest."

"Gee, thanks, uh…I'll just stagger over to the couch." Nick moaned, getting up. Jade ran over to him. "Here, lemme help you over." "No, thanks, I can-oh, who am I kidding? _Mahalo_ plenty, Jade. I'm so tuckered out!" He thanked her. Jade beamed. "Ooh, I just love Hawaiian!"

Tohru walked over with Nick and Jade. "So, um, tell me…in your world, is there still fish?"

"Unfortunately. I don't really like fish."

Tohru immediately smiled. "Finally, someone who understands! I HATE fish!"

"Shrimp is pretty good though, especially in that sauce…"

"Shrimp doesn't count, but you're right. Say, how about I make you some hot chocolate?"

"I'd love some!"

Jackie rubbed the back of his head. "Why do I get the feeling I've just invited trouble into my house?" He walked over to the phone and picked it up, dialing. A few moments later…

"Hello? Captain Black? Yes, it's me, Jackie. Listen, something very strange has happened, and I need you to come over here, and to bring some custody papers with you…"

"Well Paco, I have the feeling we'll be staying here for a while…at least until all the demons are gone." El Toro said.

"Cool! I get to live in San Fran!"

Nick let out a "phew". He opened his backpack. "I wonder if my apple juice is still-"

He stiffened.

_Uh…oh…_

"Mr. Grey, is something wrong?" Tohru asked.

"Um…did you guys see a green book that fell out when I fell down?" Nick asked.

"No…" They all told him.

_Aw, dang!_

A knock came at the door. "Uh…I'll get it." Paco said, going to the door.

"Hello, how can I-_**Ay Caramba**_!"

There stood, in the streets and at the door, about fifty-something ninjas in black suits, with blue skin and wearing white tabi socks. They had solid red eyes…and no souls.

Shadowkhan.

"Oh, bad day…" Jackie groaned.

"How is this possible? Shendu does not have the power to control them anymore!" Uncle gasped. "Only Tarakudo could have…"

"Talk later." Jackie said, getting into a fighting position. Jade nodded. "Right, kick butt now-"

"Jade, leave this to the adults." Nick immediately said, knowing that was what Jackie wanted him to say.

"Awwwww!" She complained.

El Toro spoke up. "Jackie, you take the ones on the right…" Crick-crack. He cracked his knuckles and then his neck. "I'll take the ones on the left."

"Go get 'em, El Toro!" Paco shouted as the raging bull pile drived into the Shadowkhan that were trying to get inside the shop. Jackie, Uncle, Tohru, Viper and Jade snuck out, with Paco right behind. Mr. Ryu looked at Nick, who looked very dizzy.

"Will you be okay if you stay here?" He asked.

"Just…kick their butts." Nick said, sitting down on the couch, rubbing his head.

"Right." Mr. Ryu put his bandanna back on and grabbed a nearby fireplace poker. "GARAAAAHHHH!" He shouted, rushing out of the shop.

The scene was explosive. Jackie was jumping here and there, punching and kicking. One Shadowkhan tried to grab him from behind and succeeded, upon which three others advanced on him. But Jackie suddenly flipped over the soulless ninja, breaking his grip, landing right behind him and kicking him squarely in the back. The kick sent him flying into the advancing others and all of them collapsed. Another one tried to grab him but THIS time he was ready, he stepped to the side, quickly grabbed the ninja's arm and tossed him to the ground, leaping up into the air a moment later and bringing down his foot. POW!

POW! The raging bull that was El Toro sent a large group of ninjas flying through the air with a single wide sweep of his arm. Paco meanwhile, had grabbed onto one's neck and was banging his head against the back of the ninja's, something which made it hard to tell who was hurting more. El Toro suddenly climbed up onto a nearby fire escape and looked down, seeing more ninjas were advancing on his protégé Paco! So…

"FLYING PRESS!" He shouted, jumping off, arms extended. He flattened all of them just as Paco gave one last head-butt and knocked the ninja away and into the path of the bull's fall. El Toro stood up and dusted himself off as Paco cheered and jumped up and down in joy. "El Toro Fuerte is the greatest!" He shouted.

The Shadowkhan ninja were advancing on Viper, who grinned slyly at them as she slowly walked back towards the wall of the shop. "Keep your eyes on the prize, boys…" She said softly. Suddenly she jumped up and kicked off the wall, slamming into one with both her knees. She then got into a quick handstand and twisted her body, legs out, whacking all the ninja around her away. She then jumped off and struck a sexy-looking pose. "Eyes on the prize."

Uncle meanwhile, calmly watched as the ninja approached him. One raced towards him, a dagger of some kind drawn. He stepped to the side and grabbed the ninja by the neck. "Hotcha!" He snapped, squeezing on a pressure point. The ninja gasped and fell down, groaning. "Who else wants a piece of Uncle?" He asked. Seeing one of their own be downed so easily the ninjas decided to take their leave and gang up on someone else…

Tohru, who was swinging and swinging away. He kept knocking Shadowkhan aside with heavy punches. One leapt on his head and began trying to break his neck…big mistake. The sumo raced backwards and slammed his body into a nearby brick wall, crushing the ninja. It slid down the wall and turned into black smoke that vanished into the night. He then picked up a nearby trash can and slammed it over another ninja, cap and all. He picked the can up and shook it like a martini, then put it down and kicked it. WOOSH! It went through the air like a football, and Jade cheered, raising her hands in a "touchdown" gesture.

Mr. Hao Ryu had gone quite loco. He was swinging the poker back and forth, his backpack deposited on a nearby curb. He kept whacking them on arms, heads and in some cases balls, but he didn't seem satisfied with this. Then he remembered. He ran to his backpack and pulled out…

Two red, white and blue socks that had baseballs in them. "Ameri-chucks!" He laughed, rushing forward, socks spinning. The Shadowkhan looked at him with confused, stupefied expressions, that seemed to say "WTF?!?". They stared at him as he spun them around going "Hwoaaaah-aaahhhh" and other exclamations before finally shrugging at each other and jumping at him.

"HWOAH! HIYAH! KYAAAWOAAAH!" He knocked them all away, they all went flying to the ground, groaning horribly in pain. Hao grinned and winked at them. "Don't mess with the American way of life."

Nick walked outside, much to everyone's surprise. "Hey, save some for me!" He shouted. A few Shadowkhan saw him and immediately rushed at him. Nick held his grandpa's walking stick and slammed it into their chests, sending them flying back and into the streets. Nick then deposited the stick down on the ground and held his hands together.

"Okay…concentrate…focus the aura on my feet…omm…ommmm!"

The ninja's rushed at him…

He leapt UP into the air and twirled around, thrusting his feet at the wall…

Stuck it. They stared up as he stared down at them, his aura keeping him tethered to the wall.

"Surprise!" He snickered, poking two straight in the eyes. They shouted in pain and staggered off, clawing at their eyes. Nick then jumped off and thrust his feet forward, kicking the other two in the face. After stepping off of the black smoke that remained of them, he looked to his left and saw one…with his back turned.

AND he was trying to grab Jade!

Nick focused his aura on his hands, forming the Sign of the Tiger and then…

"KAIOOOOO!!!" He shouted, rushing forward. Everyone gasped. The ninja turned around just in time to see…

POINK!

Red eyes went wide.

**KRAKOOOOOWWW!!!**

The ninja exploded instantly into black smoke that swirled around Nick and Jade, who had fallen back. Nick looked stupefied and he stood there, hands thrust forward, blinking slowly. Finally he fell over on his butt, groaning. After a few moments of fatigue he looked around.

"Oh…wow…" He muttered. There were no more Shadowkhan ninjas and now all of the Chan clan members and their allies were looking right at him. They were surprised, not only at what he'd just done, but somehow, in some way, his clothes had changed! He now had on his "Martial Arts" garb! But the only thing Nick could think to say was:

"…I overdid it, didn't I?"

"Yes, you most certainly diiiid!" Uncle cried out. He waved his hand in the air, blowing black smoke away. "How can Uncle breath with all of this smoke? And you should be more careful! Almost blew up niece!"

"…sigh…yes Uncle…" Nick sighed.

"One more thing! Next time, do not do it so close to shop! Look! Window is broken!"

Sure enough, the front window to "Uncle's Rare Finds" had been shattered completely. Glass was scattered everywhere on the ground.

"One MORE thing! You have woken neighbors with loud rackeeet!"

Lights were going on all around them. People were staring out their windows at the assorted people in front of the antique shop.

"One MORE thing!"

"This is gonna take a while…" Nick moaned to himself. "At least things can't get worse. Still…where did the Emerald Book of Ages go?"

DOWN IN HELL…

"Well…I'm certainly glad I found THIS before anyone else. Aren't you proud of me, Grand Lord?"

"Indeed." The Grand Lord of Hell told his most faithful servant. "Clever of you to pick up the Book of Ages. However it is in major disrepair, it will need much time to heal…and then it shall be a perfect tool for our purposes."

Tchang said nothing, he just glared.

"I know you're hurt and you feel betrayed that I'm letting you hang like that, and that I tricked that good friend of ours…a bit late in remembering him, weren't you Tchang? But I think one day you'll forgive me…"

Xan smirked as he held the Book of Ages in his hands. "NOT. Mwa-ha-ha-ha…HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!"

MEANWHILE, AT THE UNITED NATIONS…

"The chaos has apparently subsided around the globe." The German ambassador told the UN after looking at a recent news report that had just taken place. "Looks like San Fran got it under control. Maybe we should, uh…wait on the invasion."

The British representative "harrumphed". The French representative patted her on the back. "Calm down. Besides, the paperwork and red tape we'd have to go through for an invasion would take weeks! Let's just wait, all right? See if things improve?"

"…oh, fine. Bloody hell, cockney American b-----ds, grumble grumble…"

MEANWHILE, BACK IN SAN FRAN…

King growled angrily at the demons that had assembled before him. Only Tchang Zu was absent, for obvious reasons.

"You two endangered my chosen." He hissed at The Sky Demon and the Ocean Demon. "I will say this only once…you are NOT to kill them or to scar their precious flesh in any way!"

They all grumbled in assent. "The chaos you caused proved to be good punishment, but you can no longer punish openly. Look above you."

The sky had turned back to it's normal blue color, clouds of white puffed idly by, and a gentle breeze now blew. "Things have been set right that were wrong once before. But there is still a great wrong that needs to be addressed…the bell. MY bell. Until they move it back, the city will still be punished, only their righteous atonement shall be more…"

He grinned in a wild fashion. "Secretive."

Shendu rubbed his chin. "Oh really? From what I understand, you're letting us live so we can punish this city for moving the Bell of the Heavens. But tell me, why does this Bell matter so-"

King suddenly raised his hand, stretching all three clawed digits. Shendu was slowly raised in the air, being strangled by some unseen force.

"Ever seen "Star Wars", Fire Demon?" King asked. "It is a very, very good series. But most memorable is the interesting way Darth Vader, the main villain of the first movies, takes care of people…WHO TALK TOO MUCH."

Shendu nodded eagerly. "I'll stop!" He squeaked. "Honest!"

King nodded and gave them a nasty little grin, clenching his fist. Shendu fell to the ground, groaning in pain. He stood back up.

"By the way, Shendu…how did you summon those Shadowkhan?" Tso Lan inquired. "I must admit, I thought you had lost that ability…"

"I can't summon them." The Fire Demon muttered angrily. "I haven't got the mask anymore…I don't know who does."

King rubbed his scaly chin. "Oh, I shall find out who did summon them…and they will be…" He smiled in a sadistic fashion. "_**Punished**_."

Hsi Wu spoke now. "So, what would you have US do, noble demon? What would you want us to do here in this city?"

"Why…change." King said, clapping his hands. In a moment, they'd transformed into their human selves. They looked a lot like they had been back when they were kids, only slightly older and wearing modern clothes, much to each other's surprise. "You'll be blending in at a school where two very special chosen will be going to…I've acquired living quarters for you in a large mansion about two blocks away from the school. It's magically protected to keep any unwanted intruders from coming in...they shall need an invitation."

"That's ironic." Hsi Wu thought.

"You'll be very impressed with your new home when you see it." King explained calmly. "The day after tomorrow will be your first day at the school, so I'll need to teach you a few things about being human in this day and age. But for now…I'll show you to your new home."

King clapped his hands again, and they were whisked through the air, quickly deposited on a sidewalk in front of a large, brick mansion. It had huge iron bar gates, a long driveway, a fountain in the middle of the circular end of the driveway, bushes lining up and down and HUGE grassy fields. The windows were large and painted a dazzling white, there were chimneys and a large tool shed to the left of the house, and a pool in the back, the size of an Olympic swimming pool. Most interestingly of all…

"The garage." King told them as they approached it. He opened it up. It was enormous, with many cars lining up and down it.

Xiao saw a shiny, stream-lined red car. "W-w-what is THAT?" He asked. Whenever the windows of the realm they were trapped in had appeared, he'd become fascinated by the more and more luxurious items people had acquired over time. Specifically, cars. He had a taste for expensive things, and this looked expensive as hell!

"That's a Ferrari."

"F-F-Ferrari…" He moaned in a "oh wow" tone.

"Yes, you might get a chance to use it. But, uh, you will have to be on your _**best**_ behavior here." King explained. "This house belongs to an old friend of yours, Shendu. In fact, he's employed some OTHER old friends you know of as his servants."

The Fire Demon blinked a few times. "Wait…do you mean to say…"

"It's amazing how quickly one can rebuild one's fortune when he makes the right friends." King said with a smile. "Julian! Adam! Clancy! James! Come on out!"

"Oh, **no**." Shendu groaned. "What?" Dai Gui asked. "Who's Julian?"

A man with long, white/blond hair that ended in a ponytail, wearing a green leisure suit, a golden tie and slick black shoes stepped out from the doorway. Behind him was an Irish gentleman with red hair and a fairly long nose, wearing what looked like a white disco suit, a grey-skinned man with a band-aid on his nose and greasy black hair, and last but not least, a Chinese gentleman who had distinct yellow/orange sunglasses and a black leather jacket.

"Oh f—k me." Shendu muttered.

"Who on EARTH are they?" Julian Ellis Valmont asked.

"Hey, I think I've seen that face before, it's hard to forget something so froggy." Adam Finn thought out loud.

"Is her hair really _blue_?" Clancy Ratso asked.

"Hold on…" James Chow said, taking his sunglasses off for a moment. "Yep. Blue."

"The Dark Hand?" Bai Tsa asked. "You got them back in power just so-"

"They could house you? Yes. Sometimes a little evil's necessary to accomplish a greater good. And what I'm doing is for the greater good. Besides, for the most part they've cleaned up…" King glared threateningly at the four in the doorway. "_**Haven't you**_?"

They all nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes!" "You betcha!" "You got it, Mr. Snakey!" "Sure thing, boss!"

"It's easy for me to create money and other valuable items. Plus I've got…contacts…around the world. They, as the young people say, took the Dark Hand from off the streets and "hooked them up"."

"It does feel good being back on top." Valmont sighed happily.

"As long as he keeps his criminal activities away from San Francisco, I don't care what he does." King told them simply. "Though he hasn't had a lot of time, what with taking care of this house, reorganizing all of his criminal files, trying to get Hak Foo back into shape…"

"Poor guy's gone to seed." Ratso lamented. "Gained 30 pounds." Finn added. "All went to his thighs." Chow agreed.

"And dealing with the occasional problems the employees of his employees create…"

"What?" Shendu wanted to know. "They have people working under THEM?"

"I own a wedding reception business. Now I can sing Disco at weddings again!" Finn said happily.

"And I own every single Sunglasses Hut in San Fran!" Chow told them.

"And I finally got my degree in Theoretical Physics AND I own every comic book store in town!" Ratso said, practically giggling with anticipation.

"And of course, he has-"

"Daddy, who's, like, at the door?" A girl with white hair with a long pink strip running through it walked into the garage, pushing the Dark Hand's Enforcers aside to see. She had a very nice-looking face, pink lipstick, a "Hello Kitty" t-shirt that didn't cover her belly button, a blue skirt and white sneakers, was wearing an ankle bracelet and an "I Support AIDS Awareness" red bracelet on her wrist. She had pink earrings, bright blue eyes and her fingernails were painted bright pink. She put her hands on her hips and looked the demons all over.

"Hey, who are these kids? That one with the ponytail is like, so totally cuuuute! Oh, hey, I know you! You're that guy in the funny snake costume! That outfit is like, so totally convincing, it really looks like…I dunno, real!"

"…yes, indeed. Everyone…" He took in a deep breath. "Meet Sandi Valmont, Julian's only daughter."

"Like, hiiii!"

Shendu groaned and slapped his hand to his face. "This…is going to take some serious getting used to." He thought to himself. "Having to live with these morons, that dumb…yet oddly sexy…girl and my stupid family to boot! Could it get any worse?!?"

"Oh, I almost forgot." King added. "You're not allowed to kill any members of the Dark Hand either, OR to kill any members of their family. They are as precious as the chosen."

"…just kill me now." Shendu begged his family. "If any of you have any love for me, then kill me now."

Up in Heaven…

"Shin, Demon of Shadow from the East, you shall now be executed for invading Heaven and directly violating our sacred laws!" Michael commanded, raising his sword high. The Heavenly Host were all watching and cheering as Shin sat calmly on his knees, head bowed slightly. Azrael and Gabriel's scythes held him there by the flats of their blades. Gabriel looked at him with the faintest trace of pity.

Michael pointed his sword at the demon, eyes set with determination. It bothered him a little to kill someone who was being so calm and who had been so openly weeping before, but it had to be done. "Do you have anything to say before your judgment, demon?"

"Hold on, Mike, maybe…"

"Gabriel, who is in charge again?"

"…"

"Now then…demon, speak your final words now."

Shin was quiet at first. Then he spoke.

"I don't understand why you're doing this. It's wrong. I know you're lost without His presence, but just…just blindly clinging to tradition won't solve every problem you have…you shouldn't be such conformists…"

"It's solved our problems before, and it is not simply tradition." Michael told him in a determined tone. He raised the sword high. "It is the will of GOD!"

"WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?!?"

Everyone gasped and turned around to see who was speaking. It was none other than Raphael, holding tightly onto Richard with one hand and holding his mighty spear in the other.

"STOP! Leave that innocent alone!" Raphael demanded.

"RICHARD!" Shin shouted. "You're okay!" His face lit up. Richard gave Shin a big grin. "Nick led us outta Hell! He's stwong! We came to bweak you outta hewe like Nick did!"

Azrael raised a single eyebrow. "This is interesting." He said in his monotone.

Gabriel gaped. "The Demon of Light!?! That's impossible, he was sent to Hell! Nobody is supposed to be able to break ANYONE out of Hell unless they have blessings of the Lord himself!"

Raphael smiled simply. "The one who did it was the Chosen. Nick Grey, Warrior of the Undefeated Heart." He turned to Shin. "Shin! I know why you came up here." Raphael told him. "You are a Passion-Bearer. By coming up to Heaven, you made sure your powers could not be used for evil. You faced your end with a dignity that would do the Son proud."

Shin shrugged. "I guess. Um…can I just go back down to Earth to-"

"You can go back down to Earth. You're needed at a certain time period." Raphael said. Uriel, who had been behind Shin with his bow and arrow, ready to put it through the demon's head, stepped forward. "Now hold on a freaking minute here!"

"Hey, no different sound!" Gabriel realized. "I guess "freaking" really IS officially off the swear list!"

"You don't have the right-"

Raphael raised a hand, sternly staring at Uriel and shutting the Archangel of Fire up. "Heavenly Law states that in the event a decision of any archangel is made, they must include every single archangel. Which means if you four wanted something done, you should have come to me. Because you didn't, your decision, according to the law, is put off. And in the event of an execution for a possible suspect, the suspect is off the hook for a period of two weeks…"

"So we hold him here for two weeks, big dea-" Uriel muttered. But Raphael raised his hand.

"Hold on. You still don't get to keep him here at all. Because he WASN'T sent by Hell. As you all know, I am He who Heals, and as such I can trace magical and physical damage done to someone…or tell what they've done to THEMSELVES."

Gabriel understood. "Oh…you're right! Go ahead, examine him. If he did invoke a Blessed Passing, then he's not one of Hell's legions and it will be safe to let him go."

Michael rubbed his chin. "It can't hurt. Let him stand up."

"WHAT? BUT-"

Michael tossed him a glare. "WHO'S in charge?"

"_You're_ in charge!" Everyone responded.

Azrael and Gabriel withdrew their scythes. Uriel grumbled but put down his bow. Shin stood up as Raphael floated over to him, putting Richard down. The archangel put his hand over Shin's head and closed his eyes. "Come forth." He demanded.

Shin's eyes fluttered open, revealing all-white eyes. He screamed suddenly, involuntarily. A shadowy aura flared up, revealing a shaft of gold in the middle. Both colors rose up through the air and revealed something above everyone's heads…a magical spell, written in demon blood. Its symbols were displayed prominently in white on the aura before them, like a giant billboard.

"You see? A Blessed Passing. He is free."

Withdrawing his hand, Raphael pulled a hair off of his head and put it into Shin's throat. Shin swallowed immediately, and suddenly began coughing. The aura receded back into him, and what wounds he had on were healed.

"A little "hair of the dog that bit you" and now you're fine. Here, I shall show you the closest ladder down to Earth." Raphael offered.

Shin turned to Richard. "What about Richard?"

"Richard will be fine up here." Raphael insisted. "He'll be visiting you and Nick and the others in the future, down at San Francisco. But for now, you must find your path on Earth, and become something other than Demon of Shadow…and never forget that you hold a great burden on your shoulders."

Shin nodded, understanding. He waved goodbye to Richard, who tearfully waved back. Raphael picked Shin up and carried him far, far into the city of Heaven, to a doorway in a nearby building. He opened it up…

Shin awoke suddenly on a wooden table, the smell of flowers and the buzzing of hornets filling his ears. He also saw someone was staring at him. He stood upright and rubbed the back of his head. She was a human in a white t-shirt, with white and red sneakers and a white skirt. The T-shirt read "I Scream for Ice Cream."

"Uh, hi! Where'd you come from?"

"Ultimately, nothingness." Shin answered enigmatically. "Literally, from Zhen Wu and Darlene Well. Where am I?"

"New England!" She answered cheerfully. "Where everything's prettier and more ethical! You look hungry. Want an ice cream? It's on the house. I work here at Tulmeadow, I make the BEST shakes…"

MUCH LATER, AND FAR AWAY…

Jade woke up to hear someone sighing. She looked across from her bed to see the window open…

She went to it and looked up. Nick was on the roof, sighing. She shimmied up the pipe next to her window and joined him.

"Nice moves." Nick complimented. "Good upper body strength. I had to kinda hover up, not strong enough to really lift myself up here on my own strength…" He sighed.

"Powers still weak?" Jade asked.

"Yeah, but…hey, it'll get better, somehow." Nick insisted. "I just…don't know how. I wish I did. I know I'm young, I shouldn't have all the answers, but I just think I should know more than I should…I just feel like it's my duty, like I'm one of the few sane people in the world…"

"And that I ought to know how to make it better." Jade finished. "I feel that way sometimes too. I think maybe everyone does at some point."

The sky was dark, and it was very close to dawn, but stars twinkling above them gave away nothing. The moon was out, a crescent.

"…I get that I'm here to make things better. I thought I could by treating the demon kids like…well, the way they DESERVED to be treated, like good, normal people! I believed them when they said that demons are just people who look different, and every generation's had their demons."

"Yeah. Witches, the Axis Powers, the KKK, the Communists, the Terrorists, it's always something different."

"Don't forget the Great Satan himself…Bush!" Nick joked. Jade chuckled. "Bush is a turd, Kerry is a douche."

"Hey, he's a war hero-wait, what's a douche? I know what a turd is, but…"

"I thought you watched South Park!"

"I haven't seen every episode."

"I'll show you some more, I collect the DVDs." Jade told him.

Nick smiled. "I'd…I'd like that. Boy…" He looked up at the sky. "You know…looking up at the sky right now…it feels good. And…and it's something anyone can do, no matter what their age, where they're from or where they're going. I learned quickly from my last adventure that being a "person" didn't just mean you had to walk on two legs, and that "family" meant people you cared about, not just people related by blood. How come it seems like people don't want to realize that?"

"People are scared of each other sometimes." Jade explained. "And if they did realize that we're all connected in some way, that means they'd have to care for each other a lot more. And not everyone's ready for that."

"I hope they will be."

"Me too…you know, you've seen a lot."

"Yeah…I…I have, haven't I? But hey, you have too!" Nick insisted.

"Aw, your adventures have been as wild as anything I've done! Science, magic, heaven, hell, the whole shebang!"

"Yeah, but you did it all before I did! You've got "senioritah"!"

Jade and Nick laughed. The wind blew a bit harder, then died down some. They were quiet for a while. The air was still…

"Hey Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Why you up here anyhow?"

"I woke up early. Something told me to come up here. It's nice, this San Francisco. But I still miss New England and Hawaii. Still, maybe I'll come to like it here."

"Yeah, I did!" Jade said happily. "It's a heck of a town. Got more action that New York sometimes! Man, that reminds me! I gotta go to school, I have to face Drew! I wish he'd stop giving me grief!"

Nick leaned up, hair blowing in the breeze. "If he's giving you trouble, I'll be there on the double! Hey, that rhymes! Oh I love this kind of rhyming, I'm an expert with the timing and I'm-"

"Stop!" Jade giggled. "Don't be cheesy!" She gave him a friendly punch on the arm. "Too bad you didn't get to see Heaven. If you go and get to come back, go and take pictures!"

"Okay, since a lady asked me." He grinned in a silly fashion, looking back over San Fran. "Somewhere, out there…that's where the answer to why I came here is. And once I've figured that out, and saved this world, I can go back to MY Heaven…my home."

"Is your home that good?" Jade asked.

Nick turned to her.

**BGM: Look Through My Eyes, by Phil Collins**

"Jade, home is where my heart is, and my heart's been all over the place! You know, if I could share what I've seen…if we ALL saw through each other's eyes…I think the world would be better." He sighed. "…man, I feel depressed. I…I couldn't help the kids. Tchang's down in Hell, I don't know where Shin is...or Richard…"

_There are things in life you'll learn and…oh, in time you'll see… _

Suddenly Nick felt something…something stirred the wind. And a tiny glint of sunlight appeared on the horizon. He looked above.

_Cause out there somewhere, it's all waiting…  
If you keep beliiiieeeeving…_

"What the?" He stood up.

A letter was floating down on pure white parchment, with golden writing. He jumped up and caught it. He opened it up. A hawk was soaring above as well…

_So don't run, don't hide…  
It will be all right!_

"What? A letter? What's it say?" Jade asked.

_You'll see, trust me…  
I'll be there…watching over you!  
_

The sunrise came, but its light didn't match the intensity of the glowing smile on Nick's face.

"THEY MADE IT!" Nick shouted happily, pulling Jade up and dancing in a circle with her. "It's from Raphael! Shin's going to be coming here in a few months and Richard's in Heaven! They made it! It wasn't all in vain! THEY'RE COMING HERE!"

Jade smiled. "All right! This…is gonna be good!"

Nick began singing in joy, and Jade sang along…

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…  
If you look through my eeeeeeeyeees!_

Shin smiled as he sipped the chocolate shake. Then he stopped, bowing his head.

Hsi Wu and the others were outside. Hsi looked depressed too. "…why can't I remember?" he thought. "I wish I knew if…if they were alright." Shin muttered. "Why? And what should I be remembering?" Hsi asked himself.

_There will be times…on this journey…  
All you'll see is darkness!  
Out there somewhere daylight finds you…  
If you keep beliiiiiieving!  
_

Suddenly both heard something cry…

_So don't run, don't hide…  
It will be all right!  
You'll see…trust me!  
I'll be there…watching over you!_

And both looked up and saw a hawk hovering in the air. Shin's smile came back, bigger and better than ever. He waved at it. "Ha ha! Ha ha! I knew it! I KNEW it! I'll be there, guys! I'll be there, I'll find you!...Just wait! Just you wait!"

Hsi and his family saw it. Something inside them stirred.

"I…I think I remember something…" Shendu said.

"…that song, it's familiar." Bai Tsa muttered.

But Hsi remembered something else. He smiled broadly and thought one word

"_Reunion_."

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…  
If you look through my eyes!_

Nick couldn't help it, he stretched his arms to the sky and began to sing as the sun rose higher and higher. His smile was the brightest thing on Earth at the moment. Raphael and Richard, from up in Heaven, smiled down at him from behind a cloud, singing with him.

"All these things that I can change…there's a meaning in everything! And I will find all-I-need…there's so much to understaaaand!"

_Take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through my eyes!"

_  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through my eyes!"

_  
Everything changes…you'll be amazed what you'll find…_

The sun rose higher and higher…

_  
If you look through my eyes!_

Laughter echoed throughout Hell…

_Just take a look…throoouuuugh my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through my eyes!"

_  
There's a better place somewhere out there!  
Just take a look…through my eeeeeyes!_

"Look through their eyes…"

_  
Everything changes…you'll-be-amazed what you'll find…_

The hawks soared up, up…

_You'll find a better place…_

_  
If you look through my eeeeeeyes!_

Shin began walking down the road.

_You'll find a better place…_

_  
Just take a look through my eeeeeeyes!_

_You'll find a better place…_

_  
If you look through my eeeeeeyes!_

Nick raised his fist up to the sky in a triumphant gesture.__

Take a look through my eyes…

(Music ends.)

**I WANNA KNOW…**

**A GUIDE TO THE MAIN CHARACTERS SO FAR!**

**NICK GREY**

Nick has always been different. Ostracized for his eccentric behavior at a very young age, having to deal with a very difficult, distant brother and divorced parents and to top it all off, his family and best friend were kidnapped once, taken into the silver screen to be sacrificed. Nick ran in to save them, and this decision was the start of many other brave actions he's taken in the name of doing the right and heroic thing. While visiting yet another world, on the island of Kauai, he unlocked abilities that center around elemental powers, AND he is now capable of flying. Nick's elemental abilities are powered by the strength of his heart, as are his natural abilities, such as his flight, super-strength and powerful endurance. He's eccentric, friendly and has a lot of quirks that can drive people nuts…but he's also destined for many great things. He's naïve and innocent, and hates seeing people suffer, and tries to follow superhero rules, like "Superman doesn't kill" and "don't ever let people die on your hands". Nick has unknowingly upset the natural order and is going to pay **very** dearly for it. His most common exclamations are "Aw dang!" and "JESUS CHRIST", or colorful variations of the latter. He also uses "diet swears" like "fracking" or "aw, shiv" unless he's really ticked-off.

**JACKIE CHAN**

An archaeologist of the highest caliber, Jackie Chan has saved the world time and time again with the aid of his incredible martial arts skills, quick-thinking mind and knowledge of ancient times. He's the uncle of Jade and the nephew of Uncle, and is quite surprised when a kid shows up on his doorstep, insisting that he HAS to see the people "Who sent them away". A voice of reason, brave and strong, Jackie is quite probably the tie that binds all of the Chan clan together. Has had problems with his parents in the past. His most frequent exclamations are "Bad day", "SorryIwillbringthisbacklaterthankyou" and "Jaaaaade!". He's very brave, but also quite protective of Jade.

**JADE CHAN**

Jade is Jackie Chan's niece from China, and she's the cleverest little girl around. Brilliant, skilled in marital arts and very good with puzzles, she's a force to be reckoned with, and she's not even in Middle School yet! She's also Uncle's niece as well, and she's the one who convinced Jackie to not only let Tohru help them out but the one who was the first to recognize Nick for what he was…someone who could really help…and who needed help. Although Jade's very quick-thinking and has become more confident about her standings in school, there's still some familiarly jerky faces out there. Guess who they are? Jade is going to be a beautiful woman one day, and is already very pretty. Therefore, she turns heads. Unfortunately, some of them are DEMON heads. Her most frequent exclamation is "Jackiiiieeee!".

**UNCLE CHAN**

Uncle is cantankerous. Uncle is constantly needing to have the last word. Uncle is grouchy, cranky, annoying, bossy…and a genius when it comes to magic spells. He's a chi wizard AND an expert at martial arts. When you hear him say "Who ELSE wants a piece of Uncle" you'd better run like hell, because someone just went down, and you DON'T wanna be next. He initially distrusts Nick because of Nick's "strange chi flow". Uncle is very wise and knows much of the old ways…and is totally hopeless around technology. He also has a temper when it coems to someone calling him a "billy goat". His most common exclamations are "Jackiiiieee", "Fetch Uncle tea", "One more thing" and "AAAIIIYAAAHHH".

**TOHRU**

Tohru used to work for the insidious crime organization known as the Dark Hand. Now however, he helps out the Chans all the time, and has moved in with them. Uncle was his former teacher but recently Tohru became a full chi wizard. Tohru is a big sumo wrestler-type who loves eating…and hates fish. DO NOT get Tohru mad. He's also slightly distrustful of Nick for the same reason as Uncle, although he also kinda likes the kid. Tohru is willing to eat almost anything, and despite his big size, is faster than he looks. He's also into curves AND rolls, if any women out there want to know…and he means that in the food sense as well! His most common exclamations are "Be gone!" and, since he's been hanging out with Uncle, "AIIYAHHH".

**KING**

Before the Demon Sorcerers walked the Earth at all, in the days of Prehistoric Man, when man was just beginning to learn magic, a group of men arrived at what would later become San Francisco…and discovered something amazing. A beautiful golden bell, placed there by angels after Adam and Eve had been expelled from the Garden of Eden. The bell ran when the wind blew, and brought beautiful music to the ears of all that heard it. However the men discovered that another being was there…an anaconda who had made it's home where the bell was. However one of the men could speak the language of animals, and he struck a deal with the magical snake that had become the bell's unofficial guardian. Man could build a home there if it wanted to, but the golden bell could NOT be moved from it's original spot. And so, though the Earth shook and continents shifted, the bell didn't move…but the anaconda lived on, guarding it. As forest grew around the bell, the anaconda adjusted, and continued to love the bell. Then one day, in the 21st century, someone moved the bell…incurring the wrath of King. King is really not evil, but the things he does could be interpreted as evil to a degree. He's not above killing enemies in combat, but despises the idea of killing innocents. He would really just want to leave everyone alone if he could, and would be perfectly content to simply watch Mankind to fulfill its destiny. His most common exclamation is "Oh dear".

**SHENDU**

The Fire Demon. A Demon Sorcerer who has gained not only mastery over fire, but that of the power of the talismans. Not only that, he is of noble dragon blood, and his strength is tremendous. He is strongest of the demon sorcerers, and the most stubborn, save for Tchang Zu, his brother. Shendu develops a love for Valmont's daughter, Elizabeth. Originally he had no special talent until he tried out a portal summoning spell to prove to his demonic sorcerer father, Long Oah, that he could be good at something. His brother also tried a summoning portal spell, and when the two spells combined in front of their family it resulted in his brother, Xan, being sucked into the combined, enormous portal that resulted. Shendu's father, far from being horrified, was impressed, and decided to teach Shendu the ways of using demonic powers. Shendu became very cruel as a result of the training, although the loss of his brother was traumatic too. He is NOT on good terms with his son…but doesn't know of the existence of Hao…or that Xan isn't gone. His most common exclamation is either "VALMONT!!!" or "CHANNNN!!!". It depends!

**XAN**

Xan is Shendu's brother, his almost perfect double. Okay, completely perfect, at least in Shendu's eyes. He was always doing better than Shendu in EVERYTHING, whether it was casting spells, contests…even manners and looks. Xan's scales were a shiny gold while Shendu was that of beautiful bronze…but gold beats bronze every day. Shendu finally had enough and tried to show his dad that he could do, at the very least, a better summoning portal spell than Xan. Xan tried to outdo his brother, the spells combined and Xan was sucked into the summoning portal. But Xan didn't die. He's been waiting for a foolish, naïve relative to set him free from Hell…like poor Haoryu. He WOULD have been the TRUE Fire Demon, but because his brother was born just before he was, the honor went to Shendu. Xan has always hated his brother for this, although Shendu has always worked harder at being a good Fire Demon than his brother would have. Xan has a title though…he is Demon of the Sun…and now he seeks revenge. His most common exclamation is a nasty laugh.

**DRAGO**

Drago is Shendu's son, and is of noble dragon blood. He's quite dangerous, and is capable of breathing fire the same as his father. He has great speed, strength and agility in his human form, but that has changed, due to the incredible power he now has. Absorbing demon chi, pieces of chi left behind by his "aunts and uncles", he has become very powerful, capable of copying the abilities of his family. He also possesses a sense of humor as well, and likes playing jokes on his dad whenever he gets the chance. He originally looked like a normal human, but when he was old enough, his dragon side demanded to be let out…and greedy Drago was only too happy to use it for evil purposes. He doesn't know that his brother is still alive, because he thought that he died in childbirth. He and Jade, in the future, have a tie, though Jade (the present one) doesn't know it. Details are sketchy at best. Usually seen with a posse. His most common exclamation is also "CHANNNN!!!".

**HSI WU**

The Sky Demon. Hsi Wu is capable of taking on a human form far more easily than all of the other demons, save for three: Tso Lan, Bai San and Shendu. He can fly at incredible speed, has great strength, and great agility. He can also see in the dark. Originally he had a human friend, Haruno, who became his girlfriend quickly. The two saw each other often and they were very, very close. But then one day when Hsi Wu went to pick his girlfriend up for an important date, a trip to her favorite lake, he found something horrific…her father, an important noble, had dealt her a fatal blow to her head after he discovered she'd been seeing "a common boy". She was barely clinging to life when Hsi Wu found her outside her porch. He told her and showed her what he truly was, and she still confessed that she loved him…before dying. A few minutes later her father was agonizingly killed, ripped apart, limb from limb before Hsi Wu ripped his throat out, drinking his blood. When he'd finished, he buried his beloved on a high mountaintop that he always kept a secret eye on, and then burned down the mansion she'd lived in. He now has another love interest…Jade Chan. His most common exclamation is "GIVE IT BACK".

**BAI SAN**

The Ocean Demon. She commands the waters and has great summoning skill. She can also take a human form quite easily, and has seduced many humans. However, she fell in love with only one, a member of the Chinese Coast Guard named Hwang, who painted her a picture of the sea she loved the most, the sea she called home. For many weeks they were inseparable and she was truly happy, until Hwang was called away to duty. She secretly looked out for him, and always used her magical skills to aid him and the Coast Guard…but then one day Hwang and the Coast Guard faced off against a strange sorcerer who had decided to invade with a demonic army. The Coast Guard held off the demonic army while Hwang went for the sorcerer...a fatal mistake. The sorcerer shot out a bolt of lightning from his fingertips, and Hwang fell into the sea, dying. Bai San cast a spell to try and save him, but it was too late. Moments later a tsunamis wiped out the sorcerer, and thus, the demonic army, and moments later Hwang's body was gently washed up on shore, where he received credit for defeating the sorcerer and a hero's burial at the beach. Bai San kept the painting hidden away…not knowing of the secret it holds. Her most common exclamation is "Hey, no tongue before ten" because she's willing to do it with anyone. Why? It's…complicated.

PO KONG 

The Mountain Demon. Po Kong was always the strongest girl in the family, standing up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves. Unfortunately she was teased often herself, and as a result, to take the sting away, she began to eat and eat and eat. Soon she got fat. SUPER fat. Then she accidentally destroyed her father's winter home, and he exiled her far away. Thus she became quite bitter towards her father, who was later assassinated. When she heard that he had died, Po Kong danced a jig that made mountains crumble and sent trees flying up from the ground. She still likes to eat a lot, especially Chinese food, and has TRIED to get back on the dating scene, disguising herself as a "Plus-size" model. It's worked pretty well. Unfortunately, Po Kong has one other problem…she can't swim. She almost drowned one time, and had to be saved by Dai Gui, her older brother, whom she dearly adores. She's very much into large men; she's WAY into curves and rolls of all kinds. Her most common exclamations are exclamations revolving around food.

**TCHANG ZU**

The Thunder Demon. Tchang Zu is just as stubborn, if not more so, then his little brother Shendu. At first he had a very antagonistic view of his brother, and cared a whole lot more about Xan, who was basically the favorite of everyone. But when Xan was lost to the world, and Tchang Zu devastated, Shendu did something Tchang would never forget…he TALKED with him. Just sat down and talked…and you could point to that moment as the moment Tchang Zu stopped really hating his brother. Although their relationship is still trying at times, the two have gotten better at getting along. Tchang Zu hates Hsi Wu with a passion though, because he's SURE that the Sky Demon has been playing pranks on him. In actuality, it's Xiao Fung. He's kind of arrogant…okay, he's a big blowhard sometimes. But deep down, he's not all bad. His most common exclamation is deep booming laughter.

**DAI GU**

The Earth Demon. Dai Gu is a simple demon who likes being left alone to rest within the earth, listening to what it says to him. He has a deep love of music, and enjoys lying on his back in the fields, and digging through the ground. He used to actually be quite an intelligent person, and had a knack for remembering things, but during a ceremony that his brother Tso Lan used to increase his brother's strength, something went very wrong, and although he gained great strength and fortitude, he lost much of his intellect. Now he is a very down-to-earth person, and can barely remember most of his past. But there is one crystal clear memory…reading to his little sister, Po Kong, the mountain demon. He once saved her life, that he knows, but he can't remember how or when. He cares deeply about her. He has created an amazing kingdom under the Earth, and protects it and the Earth with a passion that would make any radical environmentalist proud. Despite his frightening appearance, he's actually fairly gentle. His most common exclamation is "Dai Gui does not like flowers!".

**XIAO FUNG**

The Wind Demon. Xiao Fung was constantly tormented for resembling a frog/toad, until Po Kong started standing up for him. He's eternally grateful, and as such always tries to make her happy. He also hates Tchang Zu with a passion and has been playing very nasty pranks on him. Why does he hate him? The Thunder Demon threw him into a lake, and said "Swim for it, froggy" while throwing rocks at him when Xiao Fung was young. The Wind Demon has a hard time forgiving and forgetting. He also has a bad sense of hygiene, and happens to be very good at playing board games. Just don't get him angry. He'll literally blow you away. He's also surprisingly good at healing spells, and is…well…pansexual. This means he's willing to do…IT…with pretty much anything. His most common exclamation is "Alriiiiight", moments before he gets into it.

**TSO LAN**

The Moon Demon. Tso Lan is the wisest of the demons, and the most well-read. He spends much of his time stargazing and reading books. He enjoys being left alone as much as Dai Gu, who he cares much about. It was because of him that Dai Gu is what he is today, something Tso Lan regrets. Tso Lan also has a liking for his brother Hsi Wu, and the two are quite close. Tso Lan used to live on the moon, but ever since humans began to walk on it, he's been getting to spend less and less time on it. It's gotten to the point where he has to use cloaking spells to keep his appearance a secret. He has a deep love of beautiful things and of the moon, and enjoys the high arts. However, there is something that he hides from the others…a secret hobby of his. Besides being good at keeping secrets, he can also play the violin very well and happens to be extremely good at magic. He has a sense of compassion believe it or not, and doesn't like fighting or violence, even when it's necessary, preferring quick magic spells over hand-to-hand. His most common exclamation is "Oh my!".

**SHIN **

The Shadow Demon. Shin happened to be one of the most feared demons in China, not because of what he did or because he was the color of night, but because he was the Shadow Demon. His title alone made him feared, even though he was actually a funny and generally nice individual. In his demon form Shin avoided humans for fear of making them afraid and panicked, and often joked around with his friends, the other demons, who were not related. He was simply chosen to be Shadow Demon because of the drawing of demonic lots, something that's only done when you need to have a demon and there's nobody ELSE in the family to fill the position. One day, just for fun, he appeared in Demon form right in front of some newcomers in a town, but unfortunately, one of them had magical talent. He captured Shin, and soon the whole town arrived to destroy the demon after the magician had removed Shin's powers. Shin was presumably massacred, his remains dumped outside of town. Shendu, his best friend, took it VERY hard. However, he isn't really gone, and is planning on seeing Nick again. Doesn't know it, but is destined for a terrible fate…oh, and his most common exclamation is "YIKES!".


	22. Tough Choices, Pt1

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

TOUGH CHOICES, PT. 1

Friday, San Francisco, at 3: 45 AM.

Nick groaned. He woke up, hearing someone singing something. He always had a hard time getting back to sleep, and if something was keeping him up there was gonna be HECK to pay. He rubbed his eyes and looked down beneath the couch he was on.

A mouse. Sitting on a piece of bread. Resting it's head upon a pickle it had procured.

"As I slumber, I shall number…my favorite foods, short of lumber! Pickled eels, last week's veal! Banana peels so well congealed!"

Nick blinked. Then his head hit the pillow with a grunt and he said "I need to lay off the sugar", drifting back into sleep.

Interestingly enough, just down the street at the Valmont house…

Sandi woke up with a start. She heard grumbling beneath her bed.

"Okay, like how many monsters are underneath my bed tonight!?"

Silence. Then…

"Just…one."

"Oh, just one, huh?" She said, and reached for the baseball bat near her bedstand, giggling. "Ooooh, I'm gonna **getcha**!" She thought. Then…

"Merv, quit squirming around! Wait 'till she's actually OFF the bed!" Another voice groaned, a different voice.

"DAAAADDDDYYYYY!!!"

"Nice goin', Oswald." Yet another voice from beneath the bed said.

6:45 AM…

Nick brushed his hair back in the bathroom. He was wearing his "This Is What Cool Looks Like" outfit he'd had on when he'd first entered the fantasy world of JCA. Tonight, Captain Black would be there with the custody papers no doubt granting the Chan clan rights to take care of him. But for now…

"Okay, first day of school here at San Francisco, gotta make it to the bus stop with Jade, prove I can be a responsible student to the old billy goat…"

"Uncle heard that!" Uncle shouted.

"Don't rub it in." Nick grumbled.

Nick quickly brushed his teeth. Jackie, who was waiting by the door for him, called out. "Nick, please, you must hurry! The bus will be at the stop in five minutes!"

Nick tossed the brush down and grabbed his backpack, bolting out the bathroom door and the door of the shop with a quick "See you later and thanks again" to Tohru, Uncle and Black who watched him leave from the kitchen. But when he reached the bus stop…

The bus was pulling away. Crappity-crap-crap-crap!

"Great! NOW what!?!" He groaned. "It's times like these I wish I had…"

Then he remembered. His aura manipulation! Xan's words echoed in his brain.

"_Teach you to manipulate your aura so you can run faster…faster…faster…"_

"Alright…" Nick said, concentrating. His watch let out a "beep" and he was clothed once again in his martial arts attire. He imagined his aura flowing through his feet like oil going through a super-fine motor engine, and then…

He felt it…his legs were so light! He could do it, he could catch up to the bus…he could DO this!

**BGM: First Date, by Blink 182**

He leapt up into the air and ran up the wall of the antiques shop, up to the roof. Taking off across it he jumped over to the next building, flying through the air. And as his watch played one of his favorite songs, he felt even more charged than before…

_In the car I just can't wait…  
to pick you up on our very first date!  
Is it cool if I hold your hand?  
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?  
Do you like my stupid hair?  
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
I'm too scared of what you think…  
You make me nervous so I really can't eat!_

He leapt across another rooftop, laughing madly. He felt so free, so WONDERFUL!

_Let's go!_

_Don't wait!_

_This night's almost over!_

_Honest!__  
Let's make!_

_This night last forever!_

_  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!_

He finally leapt off the roof and onto the ground below…accidentally right on top of a truck. Luckily that was good, it was coming up on the bus!

_When you smile, I melt inside!  
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time!  
I really wish it was only me and you…  
I'm jealous of everybody in the room!  
Please don't look at me with those eyes…  
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies!  
I dread the thought of our very first kiss..._

_I target __that__, I'm probably gonna miss!_

Then the truck began to swerve away…but Nick wouldn't give up!

_Let's go!_

_Don't wait!_

_This night's almost over!_

_Honest!  
Let's make!_

_This night last forever!_

He leapt off the truck and onto the cars in between it and the bus, which was pulling far ahead…

_Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!_

With a final leap he landed onto…a motorcyclist. The motorcyclist looked up at him. "What the f--k?!?"

"Uh…I'm trying to catch that bus." Nick sheepishly explained as he precariously balanced on the end of the cycle.

The motorcyclist, a big, hairy, sunglasses-wearing fellow, blinked a few times, then smiled, showing rotted teeth. "Hold on!" He said, and revved the engine, gunning down the road to the bus.

_Let's go!_

_Don't wait!_

_This night's almost over!_

_Honest!  
Let's make!_

_This night last forever!_

_  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!_

_Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!_

_Forever and ever, let's make this last forever!_

(Music ends.)

Finally the bus came to a stop. Nick leapt off the motorcycle, tossing a "Mahalo plenty" at the motorcyclist as he changed back into his normal attire and ran towards the bus. It opened it's doors for him and he hopped in.

"Boy, never thought I'd have to do this for at least another month!" Nick groaned as he approached Jade in her seat. "When I entered the portal to this world, it was SUMMER! Now I'm back in school all over again!"

"Bummer." Jade said. She was wearing her usual orange sweatshirt, blue jeans and red sneaker outfit. "Don't worry, though. The school's pretty nice, got some really interesting teachers. It's been a while since school started, and although we've been over a lot of stuff, you'll be okay if you just pay close attention to the teachers and stick with me." She assured him. "But uh, just be sure to stay next to me on the bus or else Drew and his friends will drive you nuts."

"Uh…Drew?"

Drew, as it were, was an African-American kid with glasses, a slightly large nose, blue eyes and a yellow cap on his head. He and a bunch of other kids were crowded around their seat. Jade ignored the tongue that he was sticking out at them, but Nick found it very hard.

"So Jade, who's your new cracka friend? A NINJA in disguise?" Drew skeptically asked.

"No, a superhero." Nick quickly and truthfully replied.

_Oh…right. THAT Drew. Aw, shiv!_

Drew burst into hysterical laughter, which was soon joined by the laughter of his "goons" and several other members of the bus.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"Like you don't know, gringo." A Hispanic kid next to Drew told him. He was a large kid with a backwards blue baseball cap on and a large blue and white t-shirt. He had on white pants and a tough glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, gajin!" An Asian kid with black hair in a bowl-cut style snickered. He had on a striped polo shirt, white sneakers and glasses. He looked intelligent, but Nick could tell he was just trying to LOOK the part…he was holding onto a notepad and Nick could see he'd written "I did good in English today" under "Tuesday".

"What a dumb goreh!" Another kid laughed. He had curly hair and was definitely of Indian descent. The darkened skin and eyebrows were a dead giveaway…plus he was wearing a dark red t-shirt that had "I Am Shiva The Destroyer" on it, as well as…

"……uh, why are you wearing that red dot on your forehead?" Nick asked.

"Personally, as a fashion statement, my fine friend. And if you ask me any question relating to your computer I will kick you're a$$."

Nick nervously inched away. "Okaaaay…don't touch me, please."

"So, cracka…you're a superhero?" Drew asked. He had a large African-American girl next to him who was quite fat and who had a small ponytail, as well as two other black friends, both of whom had jackets and hats, one a baseball cap and one a knit cap. One had a t-shirt that read "I Will Rule The World" with Stewie from "Family Guy" on it and another had a t-shirt that read "The World Is Yours" with Scarface on the front.

"Yeah." Nick said. "What, you don't believe me?"

"Nick, _don't_." Jade quickly said. "Uncle told you last night…" She stopped. She couldn't believe what she was saying! She WANTED Nick to kick Drew's butt through the roof of the bus, but she'd matured some, and it was harder and harder to listen to her inner Jade. Now reason kept winning more and more battles over her usual mischievous self.

Nick sighed. "I know, I know! "Do not be showing off your powers, hot-chaaaa!". I heard, I heard."

"So then, where you from?" Drew asked.

"New England. Now go away please." Nick asked nicely. He didn't like the way they looked at him. They scoffed and the Hispanic one turned away from sight, sticking his thumb into his mouth, preparing to administer a wet willy.

"So, new kid…we've got a little thing called "initiation" if you're new to our school. Here's how it works…we get to do whatever we want to you on the bus for the next week, and if you tell, we'll find you at lunch and beat you up." Drew explained in a smug fashion. "We tried it with Cubic Zircona over here…"

Jade tossed him a glare that would normally turn a man to stone.

"But she knows martial arts. YOU on the other hand, don't look like you even know what Kung Pao chicken is! Paul, do it!"

Paul whipped around, thumb flying…

"Northwest." Nick said, sticking his arm up and blocking the thumb. Paul blinked. Nick suddenly grabbed his hand.

"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war." He told him, immediately pinning his thumb into the kid's hand. He then closed it and shoved it away. "Boy, that was fun." He laughed.

The kids all glared hatefully at him then walked off. Jade looked over at him. "They're gonna get you at lunch for sure!"

"Bah humbug!" Nick scoffed. "Let them come. Let them all come!"

1st Period…

"ATTENTION STUDENTS. THIS IS MORNING ANNOUNCMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STUDENTS ARE DUE IN DETENTION TODAY: LOU ZER, JACK MEOFF AND HAYWOOD JADOOMY. TONIGHT'S PTA MEETING WILL BE HELD AT THE "HOOTERS" JUST DOWN THE STREET. BE SURE TO REMIND YOUR PARENTS. ALSO, WHOEVER PUT **REAL** MEAT IN TODAY'S LUNCH…PLEASE REMOVE IT."

"Come in, come in class!"

A fat-looking woman with glasses, curly red/brown hair and a large red sweater addressed them. "I am Mrs. Lott, and for our NEW students…" She looked directly at Nick, who smiled politely. "I am going to be your first period teacher. I'm teaching you Social Studies."

"Oh goodie!" Nick thought out loud.

_History! A-W-E-S-O-M-E! __Finally something I'm good at! _

"Now then, let's begin. We're starting a new quarter as you know, and I'll be starting you off by teaching you about World War One…"

On the door came a knock. "Oh. Hold on." Mrs. Lott went to the door and opened it up.

"Oh! And who might you two be?"

"Um, we're, uh…I am Seymour Damon and this is my sister, uh Michelle Damon."

Nick looked at who was in the doorway and almost leapt out of his seat. It was Hsi Wu and Bai Tsa, in their childish, human forms! Slightly older, yeah, but still them! Hsi was wearing a dark grey t-shirt with white pants and black sneakers, Bai had on a blue t-shirt with bubbles on the front, and a dark blue skirt, with dark blue sneakers to match. She had a seashell necklace on, and her brother had a bat glaring out from some dark cave on the front of his t-shirt. On the back the bat sprung out from the cave, flying forward with red eyes and claws. Bai Tsa had blue earrings too.

"Yeah, they're like, totally supposed to be in this class." A girl spoke up. She had a pink steak in her hair, an ankle bracelet and an "AIDS Awareness" bracelet on her wrist. She was quite pretty and her clothes were pretty revealing. "They're friends of my dad and stuff."

"Oh, I remember, yes Mr. Valmont filled out the papers yesterday. Thank you, Sandi."

"Sandi?" Nick said, blinking.

Jade looked Sandi over with a mixture of distrust and pity. "Yeah, Sandi's dad…he's Valmont. She…uh…she's been living with her mom for a while, but ever since he got his wealth back suddenly, and since he seems to have mellowed out, he's got custody rights of her now, to a certain extent. Her mom's moved to L.A to be closer to her." She explained. "Sandi's a bit of an…airhead. But she's nice. Still, there's something about her that I just don't like, and…well, she's got it tough, having to live with Valmont. He's not exactly father of the year material."

"Well go ahead and sit down between Jade and Nick." The teacher told the two new students.

When the two looked at Jade both of their eyes widened and in Bai's case, narrowed. When Hsi saw Nick, he blinked a few times, then tossed him a wink. The two went to sit down, Bai on Nick's left side and Hsi to Jade's right. Jade glanced at him, but couldn't recognize him. He looked sorta familiar, but not enough…

"So, how's it going?" Hsi Wu asked Nick. "I…uh…had forgotten about you. Can't…can't believe I did, heh…but I did. And uh…it's nice to see you." He whispered.

"What are you doing talking to him?" Bai Tsa whispered harshly. "You know him somehow?" Her brother mouthed "Hold on" at her. "So, can I talk to you at, uh…what's it called?"

"5th period lunch? Sure." Nick said.

"Great." Hsi Wu said happily. The teacher went to the board and began teaching.

"Now then, who can tell me who was assassinated that many consider to be the "Spark" that ignited the "Powder Keg" that was the Balkans?"

A few hands went up, but Nick's shot up first and strongest. "Mr. Grey?"

"Uh, Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated by the Black Hand, a Serbian Terrorism group, specifically by a youth named Grigorio Princip…did I get it right?"

"…exactly right." Mrs. Lott told him, surprised and impressed. Drew and his friends grumbled in back of them. Jade gave Nick a thumbs up. "Nice!"

"Okay, now, Jade, can you tell me who was president at that time?"

"Uh…was it Woodrow Wilson?"

"Right, right! Good job, both of you!"

"Like, wow!" Sandi said. You're smart."

Jade smiled at Sandi, then at Nick, who gave her a two-fingered salute. She smiled back. Hsi smiled at her, and that was when Jade really, REALLY saw him, finally recognizing him.

Her face was filled with a mixture of fear and anger. She spent the rest of her class on the edge of her seat.

Nick patted her on the shoulder. "Hey…relax." He told her. "I'm here, okay?"

She smiled. "Thanks." She mouthed.

His girlfriend…Jade knew Nick really cared for her, and she could see why Lilo cared about him. He was loyal, friendly, smart, lovably eccentric…

Suddenly a thought popped up in her head, and although it only lasted a moment, it was very, very clear…

"Lucky Lilo…"

MEANWHILE…

Dai Gui walked around nervously. He had been feeling pretty sick and had been sent, as "Frank Damon" to the Nurse's office with Shendu, who was posing as "James Damon" and his sister Po Kong who was "Mona Damon." Tso Lan was in Chemistry class at the moment, his alias was "Glen Damon" and Xiao Fung was in Gym class, disguised as "Corey Damon."

The nurse walked up to them. He was a guy with long hair, a well-built body and good facial features and was wearing a feather necklace. He was Native American without a doubt, his name card on his white jacket read "William Sky Dog".

"So, Frank, James and Mona…you say you're feeling sick, hmm?" He asked, leaning down. He had a stethoscope in his pocket.

They nodded. "Yes, yes." Dai said. "I'm…I'm feeling really awful…"

"And where are you feeling sick?"

Dai Gui turned a bit red. "Um…er…down…down there." He whispered.

"I heard that!" Shendu snickered. "All I have is a headache, and Po-uh, Mona's problem is her mouth hurts."

"Hold on, hold on." Nurse Sky Dog walked over to Po Kong, or "Mona". "Open." He told her.

She opened her mouth. "Aw, no offense Ms. Damon, but you need to brush more often!"

"I guess." She mumbled. Her breath smelled like death, which made sense since she'd eaten about 112 humans earlier in the week during the chaos that had ravaged San Fran.

Dai Gui didn't just look a bit disgusted with her, he actually _was_. She ate too many children for his liking. He'd never actually killed a child before, he'd come close (like he had with Jade), but the idea sort of put him off. And attacking a hospital…somehow it seemed…unfair.

Shendu had left the hospital alone simply because it wasn't "sporting" and he didn't want to catch anything. He'd been satisfied with a crowd of rioting San Francisco dwellers who had made the foolish mistake of grouping together near the park he'd been trying to chill at. He'd gone for a swim (and had a taste of duck) and suddenly heard chants of "RACIST, RACIST, RACIST" and had seen from the pond a huge crowd throwing things at a group of cops, who quickly scattered.

He grinned evilly at the memory of the resulting feast that he'd had after allowing the cops to escape. It had been easy pickings. He HAD actually thought about eating a cop, but he was worried he'd choke on one of their helmets, so…

Shendu was snapped out of his blissful dreaming by Dai Gui elbowing him. "Look." He said, pointing at the nurse. Nurse Sky Dog looked in carefully with a small flashlight he drew from his pocket. "Hmm…I see the problem. Something's stuck in the side of your mouth. Hold on." He walked to his desk and opened it up, pulling out a pair of tongs. He then quickly walked back to Po Kong and used the tongs to pull something quickly out…a Frito.

"Sis, I told you not to gorge on that "snack food" before we went to this place!" Shendu hissed harshly. She stuck her tongue out at him. "You don't tell ME what to do, worm! Besides, it was only 85 cents! I can't resist a bargain!"

"Unfortunately." Her draconic brother groaned.

"Okay, next! Mr. James, let me see your head."

Shendu lowered his head and his ponytail fell down onto his shoulder. Nurse Sky Dog examined his head, feeling it. "Does it hurt here?"

"No." He muttered.

"Here?"

"No…" Shendu sighed.

"Here?"

"No!" Shendu growled.

"Here?"

"OW! Yes, yes! Watch it!" He snarled. He'd touched a sore spot, a bump on his head. He almost BIT the nurse, who gave him a look.

"Kid, don't make me recant the Hippocratic Oath!" Nurse Sky Dog then walked over to a nearby fridge and took out an icepack. "Hold this icepack on your head and go lie down over there, behind that curtain. There's a bed over there for you. Mrs. Damon, you can go."

Po Kong bowed and left. Only Dai was left with Mr. Sky Dog, Shendu had gone to lie down, muttering "Yeah, yeah. Stupid mortals."

"Now then…pants off." The nurse told the burliest of the demon brethren.

Dai Gui gulped.

"Must I?" He asked.

"Yes." Shendu called out cruelly from behind the curtain. The nurse nodded in agreement.

"Okay, okay." Dai Gui mumbled, turning beet red with embarrassment. He took them off.

When the nurse saw "Frank Damon's" penis he gaped…but not at the size or shape of it.

"………oh. Oh MY. Well, uh…I can't believe I'm asking this, but…um…have you…stuck any needles in your body recently?"

"No, why?"

The male nurse sighed and sat Dai Gui down in a nearby chair. "Your...fireman…seems to have an infection on it that's spreading, from what that rash tells me. Now you need to tell me truthfully. Have you touched any needles? Hypodermic needles? Or taken any drugs lately or within the past six months?"

"No, no!" Dai Gui insisted. He stayed away from needles, they scared him. "What's a fireman?"

"Your penis. In school, you shouldn't call it a d—k, a c—k, or anything else other than "penis" in Health class. You CAN call it a fireman."

"Why can I not call it a d—k?"

"School policies. Parent's don't want their kids swearing, so…"

"All right. But honestly, I'm scared of needles."

Nurse Sky Dog nodded. "I believe you. Hmm…then…then the only other solution is…" His eyes went wide. "Have you…recently…"

He whispered into Dai Gui's ear. Dai Gui shook his head. "Nope." He said honestly. He hadn't done the act of sex since he'd been imprisoned with his family.

Nurse Sky Dog paced the floor, rubbing his chin. "Perhaps it's a slow-acting infection…some new strain. I'll have to write you a note and get you out of school." Nurse Sky Dog thought out loud, going over to his desk and getting out some papers. Dai Gui grinned. Sweet! Out of school nice and early!

"Due to a recent study we've done at the local university, there may be a way to treat the infection. It only seems to be developing in one area, so if we act quickly, we can save the rest of your body. I believe we're going to have to get a doctor to circumcise you."

Dai Gui blinked. "What?"

"Here." Nurse Sky Dog said, handing him a paper with his name and complicated medical information on it. "Give this to the main office. Say it's from the nurse to Principal Smith."

Dai took it in his hands and looked it over. He couldn't really understand a word of it except for the doctor's name.

"Uh…all right." He said, walking out of the nurse's office. He scratched his head.

"Circumcision? Whuzzat?" He thought out loud.

"Oh, they cut your willy off." A jock told him, walking by and whistling as he tossed a football up and down.

A KA-WHUMP sound followed by a minor shockwave told the school hallways that Dai Gui had fainted in the hallways.

In the gym about twenty yards away from the nurse's office…

"…I can't believe this." Xiao muttered to himself. "Back at home, I could use spells for easy wins in games. In the Gladiator games in Rome there were spells. In the Olympics there were spells. In my own backyard I could use spells for intense training sessions…"

WHACK-TWHACK-THWONKA-BONK-BAM!

"But a simple game like this "dodgeball"? Nooooo!" Xiao Fung muttered as he crawled out of the huge pile of balls that he'd been buried under.

And far down the hall, in Science class, where they were doing a basic Chemistry experiment…

"All right, let's get that sodium nitrate solution in…is it in?" Hao Ryu was teaching the class. He was still wearing the bandanna, but now he had on a long-sleeve white/khaki t-shirt and blue jeans with red sneakers. He also had a tie with a bald eagle head on it against an American flag background.

"I never thought I'd have to hear that question again." Tso Lan slyly chuckled. The class rippled with stifled laughs and snorts.

"I heard that! Watch it, Mr. Damon! Now have you deposited your sodium nitrate solution into the cup? AND added the steel wool?"

"And the penny." Tso Lan said, bowing respectfully.

"What stupid, petty tricks." He mumbled to himself. "I can turn lead into gold with a wave of my hand, I could send this solution flying up into the air, I could make this classroom darkened with a wave of my hand…and here I am, stuck turning a penny into something "silver". Hmph! Why doesn't that incompetent teacher teach us something more impressive!?!"

"You look depressed." A Spanish boy next to him said. He had brown hair and a green sweater. "I'm Paco, I moved here recently, I know how it feels being the new kid. Hey, you and I can be eses, how's that?"

"Eses? What is that?"

"Friends! Here, I got a candy bar." Paco took out a "Munsons" milk chocolate bar from his pocket. "Have a bite!"

"MR. DAMON!"

Tso Lan turned his head. The Science Teacher, who was none other than Mr. Ryu, looked very angry. "I heard your earlier comment. I'm very offended by your attitude, Mr. Damon, and NOW you and Mr. Velez are eating in class! That's against school policy."

Tso Lan blinked. He was SURE he hadn't muttered anything loud enough for the teacher to hear…no ordinary human could have heard what he'd said!

"Mr. Damon, you're going to stay after school with me. DETENTION. And if you whine, I'll give you another."

Tso Lan almost insulted the teacher right then and there, but he knew better than to blow his cover. He simply nodded obediently and returned to the lab, brewing thoughts of revenge in his mind.

Paco held up the bar. "Come on, try one."

He mumbled and took it, biting into it.

Hmm…

"Oh my! This is…very, very good chocolate!" He thought to himself. It almost made him forget about being vengeful…

Almost.

LATER…

Tso left the room, grumbling "I'll get him, I'll get him, I shall rend him in-"

"Hey, don't worry." Paco told him. "Mr. Ryu's really tame compared to some of the other teachers."

"Like who?"

"Well, there's the French Teacher, she's kind of…well…promiscuous. Too much so."

"She cannot possibly be that…"

Suddenly a very ugy-looking middle-aged woman grabbed his arm and pulled him over to where three fountains were. They each had signs over them, one was "Water" another was "Vodka" and the last one was "Coke".

"Ooh la-la! Wanna kick it!?" She asked him. She smelled like cigarettes. He bolted down the hall.

"I forgot to mention she was ugly!" Paco called out.

Meanwhile…

"So where's my next class?" Nick asked Jade.

"This way." She said, passing by several doors that had names on them. "This is where the German Club meets…"

"Sparken-dedutch?

"Sieg! Heil! Sieg! Heil! Sieg Heil!"

"The teacher's a total racist, so the other teachers treat him like a leper. Then there's the Gun Club…"

They passed by another door. Nick could hear a teacher complimenting a kid. "Well Mr. Wesson, your writing skills are average, but you're killing above a 12-th grade level! Even better than Cassandra! You'll be fantastic at the seminary."

"There's a lot of guns at this school, in case you didn't know…" Jade explained. "A lot of kids are packing heat, my nizzle."

"Uh…okay…" Nick said, a bit nervous. He had a thing about violence in school…it freaked him out. He'd always been picked on when he was little, so at the slightest sign of bullying he got the chills. He hoped he wouldn't have to SEE any guns in the school.

The next club was "The Breakfast Club". For some reason, Nick heard "Billy Joel" coming from it.

"There's the Hair Club over there…" Jade muttered. Nick peeked inside the window.

"Uh…they're all bald." He said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, don't stare. Now keep moving."

They passed the Debate Club…

"Did not!" "Did too!" "Did not!" "Did too!" "MOM!"

Finally they found the next class. It was supposed to be "Classic Literature", and English class, with a "Mrs. Joanna". After taking their seats, Nick noticed that the students really did NOT like the teacher. Even though she kept trying to make them quiet, they wouldn't shut up. Plus they were throwing paper airplanes all around. The one thing that DID catch his attention was the nice little gerbil in the corner.

Unfortunately, someone had played a mean trick and had buried him underneath a pile of shavings. Nick stood up from his seat, immediately feeling sympathy for the poor thing. He walked over and lifted the gerbil out of the shavings, putting him back down. He immediately thought of "Old Gerbilwheel" from his last adventure and snickered. "Heh-heh-heh."

The gerbil ruffled its fur. "You okay man?" Nick asked the little thing.

"Aw, d—n! A brotha can finally breathe!"

Nick gaped.

"Why _hello_ there!" The gerbil said, smiling up at him.

"You're…speaking to me." Nick remarked.

"Guess I am. And I guess you're one of those "Dolittle" types, huh?"

"…I'm just gonna go sit back down, is that okay with you? I got enough weirdness in my life right now." Nick requested, moving back.

"Sure! But just remember, if you ever need a favor from a brother, tell them Leo sent you!" The gerbil squeaked, doing a backflip in the air.

Nick sat back down in his seat. Jade looked over at him. "Something wrong?" She asked.

"Oh, the class gerbil owes me a favor and speaks like a brotha."

Jade raised her eyebrow. "Well that's interesting…hey wait…you haven't been…you know…" She made a little pill-popping motion with her cupped hand.

"What? **No**!" Nick exclaimed.

"Phew! Well maybe it's-oh, the teacher's looking this way, figure it out later."

"Okay, settle down! I'm your substitute, Mrs. Tingle." The teacher said to them all in a condescending tone.

Oh, a sub. THAT explained it. As she turned around to write her name on the board, Nick was sure he heard someone cock a gun, and then several dozen laser lights appeared on her back. Holy crap, was it true that EVERYONE was packing in this school?

When she turned around though, they vanished. "Now then, who can tell me if Frankenstein in the classic written by "Mary Shelley" was circumcised?"

Nick groaned and hit his head on his desk. This was going to take FOREVER!

"Beuller? Bueller?"

"He's sick."

"Fry? Fry?"

"He's sick too."

"Okay, uh… Ooh? Ooh-eee? Ooh-ooh-aaa?"

Jade suddenly raised her hand, a brain wave coming to her. "Oh, oh, he wasn't! They didn't know back then what good it could do!"

"Excellent Jade." The teacher said. "Now then, what other books make fun of Jews?"

"**AAAAARRRRGGGHHH**!!!" Nick groaned out loud, whacking his head against his desk over and over. "I'm just going to hit my head over until the world makes sense, is that alright!?! Jesus Butt-Kickin' Christ!"

LUNCHTIME!

"Hello!" The cafeteria lady greeted Nick, Jade and Sandi. They were in the 1st line, which served the special of the day. The second line was for Pizza, Burgers and Pasta, and the third line contained both Mexican food and a salad bar. Occasionally the third line served oriental food as well. "You look new. What's your name?" She asked Nick.

"Uh, Nick Grey." He told her in a friendly fashion. She was a slightly ugly-looking woman when it came to her facial features, but her cheerfulness took the ugly away. She wore a red shirt with a white apron, black shoes and jeans. She also had frizzy red hair. "Today we're serving Jamaican meat patty." She told them. Jade thought about this then shook her head. "I think I'm gonna have Pizza today." "Like, totally." Sandi said, joining Jade in the second line.

Nick on the other hand, happily ordered the meat patty. It was a fried pouch with meat inside that had been spiced up with Jamaican spices. He took an apple juice and chocolate milk as well and walked up to the cash register, paying for his meal with $2.50. Nodding at the cashier, he walked to a nearby table and waited. Jade and Sandi sat down with him, having ordered both cheese and pepperoni pizza respectfully.

"So besides Drew and his dumb friends, is there anyone else I should be on the lookout for?"

Sandi shrugged. "Well…I dunno. Like, there is this one kid you should get to know, he's really cool. His name's Pico Wesson. He and Nene Chow and Darnell Shiv are a threesome who always sit together at that table over there." She pointed to a table to Nick's far left and he saw three kids.

Pico was the only white kid, he had green eyes and orange hair that was slightly spiky, yet slightly puffy. Although his eyes radiated an aura of one who'd seen and done it all, his face was that of an angel. He wore a green long-sleeve t-shirt and blue pants. The girl next to him was Asian, who had black hair that spiked down and curled up slightly at the ends. She wore a pink dress and had a big smile. There was a glint of wildness in her eyes. And the last kid, an African-American, had grey/black hair that spiked all the way up. His eyes burned with a fiery passion.

"And those kids over there…" Jade motioned to the table way across from Pico's table. There were unmistakably "emo" and "goth" kids. The one in charge was a girl with spiked up red hair who wore all black and had blood-red nails and lipstick to match the hair. She had a Bible with her…but it had a Pentagram on the front. A Satanic bible…freaky. She was banging her head to Heavy Metal/Goth music that a pink-haired one-eyed kid with a black eye patch was playing on a mini radio.

"You know, I'm POSITIVE that Cassandra and her friends are always carrying guns, but we can't prove it." Sandi said, concerned. Nick frowned. Those kids gave him the creeps. But if they tried something, he'd stop them.

"Hey, can I sit here?" A kid asked. Jade groaned. "Uh, hi! Who are you?" Nick asked.

He was a blond kid with very spiky hair. He had a red t-shirt with black stripes running across it and blue jeans. "I'm Calvin. Mind if I sit here?"

"Go ahead." Nick said. But he soon regretted it. When Calvin took out his lunch he began talking…

"You see this processed lunch meat my mom packed me? Pretty scary stuff. What ARE these black specks?"

"Um…I don't know…"

"And this "skin" on the edge…I think it used to be intestine in the old days, but now it's plastic. And they dye and wax fruit so it looks better, it's like eating a candle." He held out his hand. "Could you pass me the salt?"

Nick did so. Calvin grinned and opened his other sandwich. "Thanks, these snails are so chewy until they get shriveled up. Hey, guess what's in my thermos?"

Nick and the others didn't stick around to hear what was in the thermos. They took off and sat down at another table, passing by, of all people, Shendu, who was grinning evilly.

"What are you so happy about?" Po Kong asked. They'd finally gotten out of the Nurse's office. Dai Gui was there too, but he wasn't touching his food.

"Oh, I sent a little present to Mr. Chan. I called him up and pretended I was the principal. He now believes that Jade is "killin' em all with a Kalashnikov". I heard a scream and a "THUD", so I assume he fainted. I also heard…" He grinned more broadly. "A crash, meaning that he fell backwards through a glass table."

"What makes you sure it was a glass table?"

"I heard the Billy goat on the other end yelling about his tea sailing through the air and ruining the carpet."

Po Kong snickered. "Pretty good! We should send him dead animals in his mail…"

"Maybe some other time. Now then, let's try this stuff, what did the lady call it? Spaghetti…"

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

"Lousy spaghetii..." Shendu mumbled as he emerged from the bathroom. He suddenly felt another HEAVE, and his hand went to his mouth. "HA-HUURRRKKK" he shouted, rushing back in.

That's right folks…cafeteria food: instant karma.

"So Nick…did you…see who walked into class?" Jade asked him. Nick, who was in mid-bite, let out a muffled "humpfha?". "The Sky Demon!" She whispered harshly. Sandi was on her cell-phone, talking to her daddy.

"Yeah daddy, I need you to pick me up late today, I'm like, staying after for, uh, volleyball and stuff. Oh, totally! Sure, I'd love that! Okay, bye daddy!" She shut it off. "My dad is so cool…wish he wasn't so bossy though…he always wants me to do this, do that, don't join this club, join that club, etc, etc. Just because he's my dad doesn't mean he has to be "The Man", y'know?"

"Uh…I guess." Nick supposed.

"Ever since he got his big fortune back he's been trying to be a dedicated father. He always takes me out on business trips whenever he gets the chance, he likes knowing where I am." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Sometimes…sometimes I think he's afraid that I'll leave him all alone, and that he'll be lost. I think he's afraid of losing sight of me, afraid I'll turn into something bad he won't be able to fix with all his wealth and power. I kinda feel bad for him…but I'm still kind of mad at him, he was never really there for me before."

Nick was a bit amazed at this. So much for being a total airhead! Sandi promptly went back to her lunch and he turned to Jade after quickly finishing his meat patty. "Yeah, I saw Hsi. And his sis, Bai Tsa."

Jade's eyes went wide. "That girl with the blue hair-"

"Would like to sit in that seat, thank you very much." A slightly snobby voice spoke up. All three turned around and saw "Michelle" and "Seymour" Damon looking at them. "Michelle" was staring angrily at Jade. "Move it! I want that seat! It's light blue, my favorite color."

"Who died and made you princess?" Jade muttered angrily. "I have an idea, how about I go and get you some vegetables for that meat patty you ordered?" She asked Bai Tsa. "Like maybe a gourd or two?"

Bai Tsa's glare turned positively venomous. She and her most of her family still hated Jackie Chan with a passion, and his family was on their "Hate' List". Her brother patted her on the shoulder. "Easy, sister. Don't cause trouble." He walked over to an empty table and picked up another chair that was light blue. "Here. Take this one."

Bai Tsa muttered but sat down in it. The three humans looked intently at the two demons in disguise. Sandi however, was looking at Hsi for a different reason.

"Say, Seymour, I heard that your brother, like, TOTALLY pranked the coach. What was it, he tied his shoes together?"

"Yeah, he's always doing things like that. He used to play tricks on my biggest brother and _I_ always got blamed for it." Hsi turned to Jade. "Now then Jade, I wanted to talk with you." He whispered.

"Oh, well I don't feel like talking now." Jade said in an angry tone. Suddenly her eyebrows perked up. "Oh, I have an idea! How about you follow me to my next class?"

"What is it?" He asked.

"Music. I play the flute."

Hsi Wu's smile faded. "That's not funny."

"Or we could go to a Baseball game! Are you a Red Sox fan? We could go all the way to Boston!"

"Shipping Up to Boston! Woah-oh-oh! I'm shipping up…to find my wooden LEG!" Nick sang out. "Yeah! I'm a sailor peg! And I've lost my leg! Climbin' up the topsails I lost my leggg!"

"The Dropkick Murphy's?" Sandi asked. "Oh, that is like, such a kick-ass song!"

"Well I'm part Irish, I feel a calling to it." Nick admitted.

Hsi Wu however, wouldn't be dissuaded. He grabbed Jade's arm. "I told you before, I wanted only to talk to you. Why can't you just-"

"Trust you?" She broke free and spat at him. "Maybe because you kidnapped me? Uh, duhhh!"

Nick rolled his eyes. "Guys, calm down, now's not the ti-aw, dang! Not those guys again!"

Who should be approaching the table but Drew and his gang?

"Hey, honky! We meet again!" Drew called out, pointing at Nick. "And hello valley girl, fresh meat and chink! Hey! Mr. Grey! You remember the initiation we still have to undergo, remember?!?" Bai Tsa looked them over with obvious distaste in their attitude. "Well, well. Who are YOU idiots?" She wanted to know. "Who's the princess?" Drew asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, it's complicated. Long story short, she's new like me." Nick said.

"Well, we'll get her later. Today we get you." Drew said.

Nick suddenly asked a question. "Hey Andrew, do you think you're smart?"

"Yep." Andrew said proudly.

"And Paul…what's your talent? If Andy is smart, and Drew's the natural, "cool" leader, what are you and your Indian friend's talents?"

"Oh, I'm the best worker in the school. I have **three** jobs."

Nick was impressed. "Nice. And your Indian friend?"

"Oh, Rohan's a tech expert."

Nick rubbed his chin. An idea was coming to his head. These guys wanted to beat him up, they DESERVED to have a shot taken at them. "Hey Andrew?"

Andrew blinked a few times. "Yeah?"

Nick asked him a math question he'd heard a while ago. "What is A plus B parenthetically to the second power times C plus D parenthetically divided by pi, and take in the square root of that? What's the answer?"

"………uh…I dunno." Andrew mumbled.

"Me neither." Paul said.

"Well what is it?" Drew asked angrily.

Nick sniggered. "It's **3**, _bitches_!" He laughed.

Well _**that**_ did it. "Paul, Andrew, grab whitey's arms!" Drew growled.

The Hispanic and Asian kids rushed forward, but Nick was ready. When they reached for him he knocked their hands away. Andrew blinked a few times then threw a punch at Nick, who immediately blocked it. "North!" He said. Paul threw his own punch. "Northwest!"

Meanwhile, the teacher on duty was being distracted by the Indian kid. "So anyhow Mr. Patrick, I believe that I really need to talk with you in private about this marijuana that I told you about before? Remember I mentioned it to you at the beginning of the year?" "The school does need to crack down, more and more students have been found smoking it near school grounds, and we are a bit too lenient." Rohan nodded. "Which is why I believe that…"

They kept trying to punch Nick, but Nick suddenly ducked and slammed both hands into their chests, shoving them back. "Ha-HA!" He said as they spiraled back. "How do you like me now?"

"I DON'T!" Drew had finally had enough. Now he rushed forward, aiming to shove Nick…

But Bai Tsa was angry. Drew had interrupted her meal. She stuck her leg out and Nick stepped back, watching Drew fall flat on his face to the ground. The kids all around them laughed at the sight as Paul and Andrew helped him up. He snarled "_I'll get you_!" at Nick and hobbled off with his friends. Nick turned to Bai Tsa.

"Thanks, Bai Tsa."

Bai Tsa suddenly stared at him with a mixture of distrust, fear and shock. "H-h-how did you know who I was?"

"I used to know you well. We played together. But that was a lifetime ago." Nick said sadly. "Back when your mother was still alive, when Richard was new to the world and when Shin was a happy soul who wasn't slaughtered by some magician."

Hsi Wu nodded sadly. "Things changed quickly after our father died." He admitted. "Not that I'm sorry our father's dead, but…they changed a bit too quickly for my tastes."

Jade looked confused. "What happened to your dad?"

Hsi Wu looked down at the burger he'd been eating. He finished it quickly and then took a small sip of his grape juice, sighing. "It was a parade…he had one every once and a while. He called a youth over to him to suck his toes, he was always making the townsfolk do outrageous things, he scared everyone there. The kid dragged him out of the cart suddenly and pushed him…then a moment later he buried a dagger in our father's heart. He died a few agonizing moments later, twitching on the ground."

A sick smile popped up. "It was such a lovely sight, seeing him squirm there. And then we did a dance around his body, and we all pissed on his pathetic grave and we didn't shed a single tear. He was dead and gone and could NEVER harm us ever again. We were free! Long Oah was dead and gone forever!"

Bai Tsa laughed. "Yes, I was so glad to be rid of that incestuous pig, he…he…" She suddenly turned quiet.

Nick knew what she was thinking of. "I'm sorry about what he did to you." He told her.

Bai Tsa looked up at him, annoyed. "I said, how do you-"

Nick sang softly. "It soars above…Reunion Hill, I…pray he'll spiral…higher still…"

Bai Tsa's eyes suddenly opened wide. She picked up the song. "As if from such…an altitude…he just might see…my love…for youuuu…" She rubbed her eyes and looked intently at Nick, finally speaking the words he had been waiting to hear. "Nick…is that truly you?"

"Yep." He said, beaming. "Glad you finally remembered. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"A lifetime." Bai Tsa agreed, smiling a little. And it was a genuinely good smile. Hsi Wu continued the story.

"Yes, Dad was dead and gone…and then things started to change. Shendu took charge. Xan was gone, sent to Hell by accident, and Shendu had already been turning nastier and nastier under our father's tutelage…I guess by the time father died it was too late, he simply couldn't mellow out."

Jade felt pity for the Sky Demon rise up in her again. He and his family were obviously just as dysfunctional as any other family in California, with enough problems to put a celebrity life to shame. Still, she couldn't forget how he'd betrayed her trust and kidnapped her.

The Sky Demon continued, eyes cloudy with the ghosts of his past. "So my "brother dearest" took over the house and so angered us that we split up for quite a while until eventually…well, we met back up at the hill where we'd promised to meet again should we separate, but by then we'd grown older, our reputations preceding us and there. So there, waiting for us were the Immortals who-"

Hsi Wu suddenly stopped. "W-what am I doing?!? I shouldn't be telling you all of this…" He turned to Jade. "I wanted to talk with YOU only. Now come on." He grabbed her arm and quickly pulled her out of the cafeteria, into the hallway and into the nearby faculty bathroom, which was pretty large.

Nick called out "Wait, DON'T-" but to no avail. The Sky Demon locked the bathroom from the inside just as Jade broke free from him and ran to the other side of the bathroom. He placed his hand on the door and chanted something, and suddenly a rippling light appeared on the door, vanishing a moment later.

"Now the bathroom's hidden. Unless one who approaches it is magical as myself, they will simply wish to go somewhere else. Now…" He turned to her, grinning, revealing sharp teeth. "We can talk for real."

He growled and closed his eyes, and a moment later they snapped open, turned all red. His human form grew and changed, and he became demonic once more. Jade gasped, frightened as he rushed forward, pinning her to the wall with a clawed hand.

"Now then…as I was saying before…" He leaned in close, inhaling her scent. "I want you as my mate, my bride. And my kind usually gets what we want. If you do not wish to be harmed, and I'd rather that you not resist me, then you should simply accept it now. Don't make this difficult, I'd prefer not to make you suffer."

"I won't let you marry me!" Jade shouted, kicking futilely. The Emperor of the Sky chuckled. He suddenly pulled her close to his face, and she took in a harsh breath.

"Do you really think anyone can hear you? I've made this room soundproof. Now then…" He rudely tossed her onto the ground. She tried to get up but suddenly he was right over her, pinning her down, wings blocking the light above, casting a shadow over her that filled her with dread. He took one claw and gently traced a line on her cheek.

"You know…I don't HAVE to mate with you…but I want you so very badly…there is…another option." He licked his lips and leaned in next to her ear. "Don't you want to hear it, Jade?"

"W-w-what's the other option?" She stuttered, crying a little, very scared.

"It's very easy. I swallow you whole, consuming you, body and soul. But although your body shall slowly be digested, I'll keep your spiritual self, your heart and soul, alive within me…" He chuckled softly. "In time, as your body breaks down and your astral form slowly becomes one with me, you will want one of two things: either to utterly submit your spiritual self to mine…" He licked her neck, and she shivered. "Or to have your ordeals ended forever. And I, being the kind demon that I am…" He raised a claw and gently brushed a tear away from her cheek. "Will grant you peace within me…"

Jade shook her head. "Leave me alone! Go away!"

"Now, now, don't struggle. I can be very kind when I want to. Like when we were freed to punish this city, I was not completely heartless in my first hour of freedom. True, I did feed upon some of this city's denizens before I went searching for you…"

Jade gasped.

"But don't think me pitiless. I'm quick when it comes to eating, just a nice bite through the neck…" He leaned down to her neck and licked it again. "After a few crunchy mouthfuls, a life is at its end, and there is never any more suffering."

"All those people…" Jade said softly. Great anger was rising in her. "You and your kind hurt all those poor people!"

"Yes…we did." Hsi admitted with a hint of genuine regret in his voice. "It was necessary. They sinned, we punished. Such is the way of life. People die all the time, Jade…"

"Nobody deserves to die so cruelly!" Jade snarled, shoving him off with a great burst of strength. "I saw the news reports! What you and your brothers and sisters did was **sick**!"

Hsi Wu looked at her, eyebrow raised. Then he smiled and held his hands together. "I see you're going to remain firm in this. You won't give in to me because of my nature, is that it?"

"You're a murdering monster. I don't think I can ever feel sorry for you." She said hatefully, face twisted in anger.

"That's too bad." He said. "But then again, I could use a challenge. All right…you're free to go." He told her, snapping his fingers. "The spell is broken. Leave freely." He motioned for her to go. "But we will meet again." He added softly.

Jade walked quickly out the door, what little fear was in her was being drowned in rage and anger. She wanted to hurt the demon badly. She needed to hit something.

So it was no surprise that, when Drew walked by her later and insulted her hairstyle, she did what she did…

"DETENTION?!?" Xiao Fung laughed. "I can't believe he got detention! I didn't get detention and what I did was a lot worse! The coach had everyone laughing at him, did I tell you that?" He told his siblings as they rode home on the bus.

"Yes, about eighteen million times." Shendu muttered angrily.

Po Kong was stuffing her face with "Starburst". She couldn't get enough of this candy. "Mmffa-mugga-mmooofff!" He muttered, mouth full of chewy goodness.

"What?"

She swallowed. "Tso Lan's teacher just hates him." She said. "He DOES come across as an insufferable know it all." Bai Tsa agreed. "Although I'm surprised Shendu didn't get in trouble once today…"

Dai Gui said nothing. He was firmly crossing his legs and looking out the window. He had asked six other people in the school, and all had said that circumcision was both a Jewish tradition and a medical procedure involving the penis and a proper incision tool. In other words…

"Say goodbye to your dick!" As one had put it so ELOQUENTLY.

Sandi was sitting closely next to Nick, who now was looking furiously at Hsi Wu, horrified and angered that the Sky Demon had actually murdered innocent people…furious with ALL of them. He kept casting flaringly mad glances at them all, but they didn't notice.

"Like, wow! That one with the ponytail is super cuuute!" Sandi giggled. Her volleyball practice had been canceled because the coach had gone home, unable to show his face to anyone else that day.

"Yeah, sure." Nick muttered.

_He just happens to be a freaking __**murderer**__…_

Jade saw his expression and spoke up. "Nick, is something bothering you?"

Nick didn't say anything at first. Then he spoke.

"It's a good thing I believe that there's a reason behind everything, I don't know how else I would last through the stuff I've been through."

"Really?" Sandi asked. "That's interesting…wait, how does it help you?"

"Everyone needs to believe in something." Nick said quietly. He brushed his hair back. "I just feel betrayed, that's all, I just…" He looked out the window as trees rolled by. "I just need to think of something happy…"

Sandi put her finger to her lip. Then she got an idea. "Hey, wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

Nick looked a bit confused, but nodded. "Okay…"

"How does a dumb blonde kill a goldfish? Drowning it."

"…heh."

"Here, here's a really funny one. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

"I dunno, what?"

Sandi grinned. "Beer nuts are a dollar ninety-nine and deer nuts are under a buck!"

Nick's little pout became a big smile. "Hey, that's FUNNY! Tell some more, tell some more…"

Meanwhile, inside the school…

"I don't know WHY I am here." Tso Lan muttered.

"Me neither." Jade grumbled as she walked in. Tso Lan gasped at seeing her. Chan's niece! Oh, how he wanted to rip her chi from her…but he had been ordered not to harm her and to behave, and he could definitely behave. She didn't seem to recognize him…good. He simply sat in his seat while Mr. Ryu wrote "DETENTION" up on the board of the room.

"Welcome to Detention. Jade, you're here for punching Mr. Elias in the face. You almost broke his nose."

"ALMOST." Jade muttered. Tso Lan looked visibly impressed. "Wow, you've sure got spunk."

"Mr. Damon, I do NOT appreciate people undermining my ability to teach!" Mr. Ryu explained. He took a deep breath and sat down in the desk in front of the board. "I am aware of the extremely liberal school policies that there are here involving smoking, drugs, freedom of speech. I have nothing wrong with those few kids that smoke a blunt or two outside the school. What DOES bother me are the numbers of students who take three hits in the bathroom, who frequently take up class time with the bashing of politicos, and who undermine the authority of teachers who are trying to teach them the life skills that they will need to succeed in life!" He stood up, slamming his hands down on the desk.

"You and so much of the student body take the liberal policies we have here for granted! Just…just like all those people out protesting around that big Starbucks down the street take for granted what big corporations do…now you are going to sit there for an hour and think about what you did and when that hour is up at 3:30, then you are to leave and I do NOT want you even so much as THINKING bad thoughts about my teaching abilities…do you understand? Am I making this clear, you little devil?!?"

Tso Lan frowned and flicked his long hair a bit, but nodded. "Yes." He said politely. "Good." Mr. Ryu walked up and out of the door, locking it behind him. Jade sighed.

"Man, he's in a bad mood today." She thought out loud.

Tso Lan rubbed his chin. There had been something decidedly odd about this Mr. Hao Ryu…he had…felt odd. His aura…there was something about it. Something quite odd.

If only Tso Lan knew! After leaving the building, Mr. Ryu slipped into his car and drove down the road to an abandoned parking lot. He looked around and then rushed over to a pile of discarded steel pipes, leaping behind one with his "Spider-Man" backpack. A few moments later he came out, wearing sunglasses, a bandanna over his head and his mouth, a black leather jacket, gloves, boots, a thick belt and black pants. The belt was studded leather, the boots were military issue, the gloves doubled as brass knuckles that were sharp and deadly and his sunglasses were reflective, not giving away the color of his eyes. He wore a t-shirt with a bald eagle and the bandanna that covered the bottom half of his face from his nose down was red, white and blue. Behind the sunglasses, his eyes gleamed with a golden light.

"All right then." He said, pulling out something from his backpack…a baseball bat. He slammed it into his palm. "Time to hit the town."

"And paint it red?" A voice inside his head asked calmly. It was slightly hissing.

"Red, white and f—king blue!" Hao laughed to the voice that had spoke. "Justice has a new name, and it's "Kid Vigilante"!"

Meanwhile, when Nick arrived at the antique shop, he opened up the door with a big grin. "Hello smiley people!" He cheerfully called out, trying to put his anger behind him. "How's it going?"

A bald-headed man in a black trench coat with thick red eyebrows and a square chin stood there, next to Jackie. This was Augustus Black, the man in charge of Section 13, a super top-secret spy organization designed to fight crime all around the globe. He was next to Jackie, Uncle and Tohru, who were looking over some papers…

When Jackie turned to Nick, the expression on his face surprised and depressed the teenager. It wasn't a good, happy face.

"Are those the custody papers?" Nick asked quietly.

Jackie nodded. Tohru nervously bit his nails. Uncle was silent completely. Jade looked confused. "What's wrong?" She asked. "Why the long faces?"

"First, I'd like to ask you why Jade is late." Jackie asked. "Why is she after class?"

"She punched Drew for making fun of her hair."

"Oh-OH. So it had nothing to do with a Kalashnikov?"

"…no…what's a Kalashnikov?"

Captain Black spoke up. "Mr. Grey, uh…unfortunately, the custody papers were…um…you see, Nick…custody is awarded by the judicial system of San Francisco, and I…well to put it simply, I didn't have anyone available to help me grant custody to the Chans. You were classified as a ward of the state and custody had to go to someone with enough financial power to take care of you, and I'm afraid that someone besides me pulled strings."

Captain Black took in a deep breath. "Long story short…"

HALF AN HOUR LATER…

"Oh, you gotta be KIDDING me." Nick groaned. He had his backpack and his walking stick with him as he stood in front of Valmont's mansion, at the front gates. Valmont smiled benevolently at him and led him inside. Nick waved goodbye to the Chans, mouthing "Call me" at them before turning back to face the mansion.

"It's very good to finally meet you." Mr. Valmont said.

"Uh…_mahalo_?" Nick said in a confused manner. "Why, have you heard of me?"

"Oh quite! I've heard much about you! Not only from my daughter, but from someone whom I owe quite the debt to." Valmont said, chuckling. "In fact, that someone wants to meet you…this way, to the back where the pool is."

Nick's heart skipped a beat.

_P-p-pool? SWEET! _

They walked to the back of the mansion where, in the pool, Bai Tsa was swimming around in her demon form while Shendu leisurely sunned himself, sleeping. He had…well…

He had THOUGHT he'd put on sunscreen. It wasn't. It was a deliberately mislabeled mustard bottle. Xiao Fung was SO going to get it. But that wasn't what caught Nick's eye. What caught his eye…

Was the cloaked, snake-like figure who stood there, leaning casually against a BBQ, holding a hemp pipe to its lips. He looked over in Valmont's direction and saw Nick, and his eyes widened.

"Ah! At long last!" He hissed happily. "Welcome, welcome oh great one!" He said, walking over and eagerly shaking Nick's hand. "You have no idea how overjoyed I am to finally meet you face to face again! I owe you so very much!"

Nick was stunned. "Uh…are you a demon? You are, right? I…don't think I've seen you before."

The demon shook its head. "Oh, you have. My name is King…" He bowed. "It is a great personal honor to meet you in person."

Nick's heart almost stopped beating for a full minute. He gaped. He couldn't bring himself to speak.

_No…freaking…way…_

"It's YOU…" He finally said. "YOU…"

All was suddenly darkness.

**Author's Note:**

**Bonus points for anyone who recognizes where the students whose names I've given come from! And oh la-la, looks like the beginnings of a love triangle between Nick, Jade and Hsi Wu! And don't forget...Drago's still out there too! How will things end up? Only time will tell. I implore thee: review. Most verily, it doth brighteneth my spirits most happily. And now, by my troth, I am off. That was Shakespearean for "I'm begging ya, review. Honestly, it really cheers me up. Now then, I'm outta here". Toodles! **


	23. Tough Choices, Pt2

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

TOUGH CHOICES, PT. 2

Saturday, 10: 45 AM, San Francisco.

"THEY'RE GONNA CUT MY PENIS OFF!" Dai Gui howled, screaming and tearing at his hair. He, Po Kong and Tso Lan were all inside the house, in the kitchen. Po Kong was snacking on a huge sandwich, and Tso Lan sipped a lemonade. It was early in the morning, the bus would arrive in an hour.

"Cut your penis off? Oh my." Tso Lan exclaimed. He was quite surprised at all of this.

"What am I going to do, what am I going to do?" Dai Gui muttered over and over as he paced the floor. "I don't want to lose my fireman!"

"Fireman?" Tso asked, confused.

"That's what I'm supposed to call it." Dai explained.

Tso blinked, then shrugged. "Well, I can't help-WAUGH!" His burly brother shook him over and over. "You gotta help me you gotta help me!" He begged. Tso Lan finally managed to get out "all right, I'll help!" just in time. Dai Gui calmed down and let his brother go, taking in deep breaths.

"Now then…we'll just have to find a cure on our own." Tso Lan explained. "Now, up to the bathroom! Let's see what's so wrong about your…fireman…"

In the garage…

"Hey daaaad?"

"Yes, honey?" Valmont asked, coming into the garage.

"Where's the Ferarri? I wanted to go for a drive."

"I told you, you're not-what the? Where'd it go?"

**BGM: Star Wars theme**

"WOOHOOHOOHOOOOO!" Xiao Fung said as the Ferrari sailed through the air and down the streets of San Fran. "THIS IS AMAZING!" He beamed happily. "The hum of the engine, the feel of the seats, the smooth ride and wind in my hair…oh, Ferrari!" He laughed. "I feel so comfortable with you…"

(Music ends.)

Meanwhile, inside the Sky Demon's room…

Hsi Wu paced the floor. "Hmm…what should I do?" He thought. "I desire her body so badly…I want all of her, in one way or another. To simply feel her body with my tongue excited me…"

"But admit iiiit…that's not the only reason why you want her! You want her for another reason, Hsi Wuuuu!"

"What the?"

"No…you just want to ravage her! Consume her, body and soul! You can't have her another way, you don't need her for anything else!"

"What in the hell?" The Sky Demon looked around. Who was that speaking?

He soon got his answer. On his right shoulder appeared a red-skinned, black-eyed version of himself who wore a dark cloaked vest and whose clawed hands were drenched in blood. He had a cruel smirk on his face. On his left shoulder appeared a white-skinned, golden-eyed version of himself who wore a silver toga and who had a golden halo around his head, his wings shining beautifully. He had a gentle smile on his face.

"What are you two?"

"I'm your shoulder devil."

"I am your shoulder angel."

"I didn't know I HAD shoulder anythings." Hsi Wu exclaimed, surprised.

"Sure you do! We just haven't been able to appear until you had to deal with a tough moral dilemma. YOU have to make a decisiooooon."

"Indeed…and you know the choices, heh-heh."

The shoulder angel clasped its hands together and spoke, its voice soft like a spring breeze, and refreshing to hear. "You know deep down there's another reason you like Jade besides her beauty. She's witty and clever, she genuinely was interested in your life story that you told her, and you liked her company a lot. She is not merely a piece of meat…she's a shoulder to cry on and a pair of arms to hug you when you are feeling low, Hsi Wu. She's not a soul who thinks in black and white, you know this. She could learn to love and care for you if you do the same for her."

The shoulder devil shook its head and raised a claw in the air, its voice harsh like a typhoon wind, and frightening to hear. "How very touching…but you know that deep down your true, demonic self desires one thing: to completely make her a part of yourself in any way possible. You want her…you want her inside you. You don't merely want her to desire you, you want her to suffer, for she made you suffer. Have you forgotten she ruined your chance to be freed earlier? She humiliated you. And you heard her words: she can NEVER feel pity for you. You know I'm right."

Hsi Wu clenched his head tightly. "I must be going insane! A shoulder angel and shoulder devil? How is this happening? You can't be real!"

His shoulder angel spoke. "Your reality is changing…as are your beliefs. Didn't you feel some guilt in seeing the fear in those poor frightened human's eyes, the humans you devoured before kidnapping Jade's family? Did you not feel some shred of regret as your fangs dug deep into flesh? Search your feelings, you know it to be true…"

His shoulder devil shook it's head angrily. "You can't listen to him. He's a romantic fool. You have no need for pity or guilt or regret of any kind! Empathy makes a demon weak and vulnerable, you know what happens to those who allow it into their hearts…the Shadow Demon was a perfect example! He always felt so sorry for humans, and what did they do? They murdered him! Your best friend! Humans cannot be trusted…EVER!"

Hsi Wu covered his eyes. The sting of losing Shin would never ever fully leave.

"Your mother was a good soul too, like the Demon of Shadow. She was fully human, remember?"

Hsi felt tears springing to his eyes. He began crying softly. "Mother…_mother_…"

Both shoulder angel and devil looked at his crying form. His wings draped over him and he sank onto his knees, weeping. "I think we should leave him." The shoulder angel stated. The shoulder devil nodded in silent agreement, and both vanished from his shoulders, leaving the Emperor of the Sky alone with his grief and confusion.

MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE…

Nick awoke with a single sentence: "I made you."

King was there with him by the pool. The others had gone inside. "Yes, you did." He said softly. He spoke in a manner so that Nick could perfectly understand him, each word ringing lucidly, as clear as the ringing of a bell. Nick was lying down on a towel. He now stood up and looked at King. "I made you." "Do you remember from what?" King asked.

"I _made_ you in that comic." Nick went on. "I made that comic. I made it…because I loved that other comic so much. RPG World…how could I ever forget that comic strip? I practically grew up reading it online, during my free time at school…" He broke into a big, cheesy smile. "Man, I must have sneaked onto that site at least eighteen bazillion times, I loved everything about it, I always checked back over and over, Ian was just so brilliant to me…"

His smile got larger, he began to pick up speed. "I remember, I remember I just HAD to make a sequel, one involving a new adventure, that would break the fourth wall and be adventurous, filled with multiple characters with different fantastic backgrounds…I made one the direct descendant of one of the original story's characters! I named him Mark-99, friend of Quoren the Mage, who befriended Paladin-in-Training…"

"Zao…you never realized what that word meant, did you? It meant "New beginning, or sunrise." King told him.

"…that's…that's nice." Nick realized. "I had no idea. But I also had Ghost, who was that Ghost from FF6 that you could befriend, and I included Leo from FF6 and Tifa Lockheart's kid, and a Cid and a character named Thief, and that character Baram who I made it so he survived, and I put in Bass and I even put myself in and Draco, I can't forget him and-and-how can I forget? I made YOU!"

TWO YEARS AGO…

"All right!" Nick said, drawing in a frenzy of inspiration in ESS at Henry James Middle School. "This is gonna be good! All right, all right…THERE!"

He stood back to admire his penciled, hard-drawn work. Quoren and Mark-99 had been freed from sacrificial poles in a village filled with anthropomorphic animals, animals who stood on two feet instead of four. They'd been freed by a cloaked being with reptilian eyes who's clawed hands reached up to remove his hood.

"What's your name? We owe you a thanks." Quoren was saying cheerfully.

The hood came down, revealing a snaky head with scales, a forked tongue and fiercely intelligent eyes, as well as dark green hair.

"I am King Cobra…but I am more simply called King."

PRESENT…

"I made you then…I based your eyes, your soul sort of…off that garter snake I'd found in our front garden when I was a little kid, the one who kept coming back. I took a liking to you, I remember that…funny what I remember…"

"I'm glad you do!" King said. "You made me, and in doing so, established something fantastic. You set in motion these events, Nick. You have created…inadvertently…this adventure you are now living through."

Nick suddenly stopped smiling. "Then…all those poor people who…who I read about in the newspapers…" He hung his head. "It's all my fault, I-I-"

"Don't blame yourself. You didn't create ALL of the adventure. A great deal of it would not be possible if not for the power of choice, of free will. Because of the free will of them men of this world, this city was punished. Don't blame yourself. Those that moved my bell are to blame."

"Bell?"

"The Bell of the Heavens. A large, solid gold bell with great powers. THAT is what YOU are here for. You must find it. It's in San Francisco somewhere…I am not sure where. But you can find it."

"Why?"

"You can home in on it. Your necklace…" The humanoid snake pointed right at it. "The one your beloved gave you…it will sense it. Something has masked it's presence from me…I suspect great powers, evil powers, are blocking my sensing abilities. The same powers…" King bowed his head. "That sent the Shadowkhan after you."

Nick snapped his fingers, grinning. "I KNEW Shendu couldn't have sent them! Only that Oni could have!"

"Or someone who bears his visage. In any case, you were the only one who could do this task, Warrior of the Undefeated Heart. We weren't sure at first, but now we know…"

King walked up to Nick and put a hand on his shoulder. "Nicholas Michael Grey, son of Michael Ross Grey and Grandson of Ross Perkins Grey…you ARE Captain N, the new Game Master."

Nick didn't say anything. Then suddenly he let out a small whimper. "W-whuh? What? I…I'm what?"

"You are Captain N. The Game Master. Think back to the minute you leapt into the silver screen! You showed incredible courage. You demonstrated quick thinking and bravery in Joe's world. You showed amazing compassion and great magical talent in Lilo's world. And now you've shown unbelievable passion and fortitude in this world! You ARE the Game Master! You have no idea how lucky you are!"

"…lucky?"

"Why, anyone viewing the Viewtiful Joe movie that started you on the Game Master path could have been the Game Master…why, anyone seeing the movie ANYWHERE could have been the Game Master. That the villains of Joe's world chose the town of Avon was pure, random chance. But even then, the fact remains: out of all those at the theater that night, only YOU rushed forward to do what was right, and because you did, through such random circumstances, you became-"

"I don't want it." Nick said.

King took in a harsh breath. "W-what?"

"_I don't want this_." He insisted, panting slightly. "I don't want to be Game Master! I know what'll happen! The Voice will keep making me do good in different worlds, but I'll never be remembered! Maybe they did remember me, maybe they didn't, but I'll never know! It'll feel like all I did meant nothing! It's so much responsibility, I…I'm just a kid! And…and the original Captain N…"

Nick turned away. "He was my favorite hero that I read about when I first got access to the internet. I was always looking up superheroes, and then there he was! I was so excited, what I would have given to be **him**…but…but then I read that his show lost the point, the dream. Now Captain N stands for…for cheesiness and…and for product placement. It's a relic. It was beautiful, and then…it lost everything. Kevin Keene faded into obscurity, and nobody really remembers him."

He bit his lip, and King suddenly felt sorrowful fear oozing out from the youth in waves. "I don't want to be forgotten, I don't wanna forget at all! When I get old…that's what I'm afraid of." He covered his eyes. "I'll be some drooling monkey who-who won't even remember his kids or…or his own wife…I…I don't want to forget! The idea that I have to look forward to that…I don't wanna forget, I don't wanna be forgotten, if I go on these adventures, I'll forget…and…and I don't wanna forget…"

He sobbed. "You ask me…to…to do all this good. But I'll forget all the people I helped. And they'll forget me. I can't do this if I won't be remembered, it's…it's just too much. I…I don't wanna forget…"

King was silent at first. Then he nodded. "You need time. Alone. I…will leave you. But if you refuse, you are no longer a Chosen, no longer under my protection, I…just thought you should know that." He walked away and left Nick to himself. Nick looked down into the pool and stretched out a hand.

_All I wanted…was to be somebody..._

_All I wanted…was to…help somebody…_

_Just once…just once…_

_Could I be a…heeerooooo?_

He rippled the water with the hand. His aura was rising up from behind him, showing scenes of his dreams, in which he was being heroic and all things he wished for came true.

_All I wanted…was a little fame…_

_All I wanted…was for someone to…call my name…._

_I just wanted…just once…to be a heeeeeroooo!_

_I don't wanna get old and then…forget…_

_There's just so many things…that I haven't done yet!_

_I don't want this job, I just want to be free …_

_I don't want to be a hero…if no one…remembers meeeeee!_

Nick stood up and held his necklace tight.

_I just wanna be paaaaaart…of His-to-ry!_

_I just wanna knoooow…if I'll have a leg-a-cy!_

_Don't let me fade away, at the end of the day…_

_I just want you to remember…just want you to…_

_Remember meeeee…_

Nick walked along the side of the pool as the wind blew. He sighed deeply.

_I always wanted…to be the good guy…_

_To be the one people would call…._

_To be the one who…would stop the bad guy…_

_And make sure that the flag will not fall!_

_To put out some fire or stop some robbery…_

_I just wanted something, ONCE, to happen to me…_

_So that I could help others, but now that I see…_

_That my dream…can…never be…._

He kicked the ground, upset and angry.

_Cuz I won't be a paaaaaart…of Hi-sto-ry!_

_And all that I waaanteeed…was a leg-a-cy!_

_Don't let me fade away, at the end of the day…_

_I just want you to remember…just want you to…_

_Remember meeeee…_

He walked up to a tree and leaned against it, crying.

_All I wanted…was a little…extraordinary…_

_All I wanted…I know…that it can __never__ be!  
_

_It just isn't fair, I did all that I could!_

_All I ever did was do just what I should!_

_What's the point of me if all your memories aren't gooood…_

_Why try…if you won't remember…_

_I just want you…to…to rememberrrrr!_

Nick pushed away from it and stretched his arms out, looking up pleadingly at the heavens, his face filled with emotional pain.

_Oh, I…just….want to be part…of His-to-ry!_

_And I just want to have my own leg-a-cy!_

_Don't wanna fade away, and at the end of the day…_

_I just want you to remember…I just want you to remember…_

_Just promise you'll remeeeeemmmmbeeeerrrr…_

_Meeeeeeeeee…_

He lowered his hands and glanced towards the house, sighing.

"Please…remember me…"

And with that, he began walking away through the backyard, heading for the hills of San Fran.

AND NOW, THE VIEW FROM HEAVEN!

"Coooooool." Richard said, poking Raphael's wings. The archangel had taken the young demon under his tutelage, he was now like a surrogate son. Michael watched as Raphael picked Richard up and spun him around, both parties laughing. Gabriel smiled happily. Michael gave a little grin. Uriel "harrumphed" and Azrael did nothing. All of them were outside of the Heavenly Library, filled with tomes and tomes of knowledge from different ages and places. The courtyard of the library had emerald green grass, and the library itself had ruby red bricks with silver and golden columns out in front, and a huge brass door with a big knocker. The archangels sat on it's golden steps, looking at their brother.

Gabriel brushed his long hair back. "Now Raphael is a good archangel. My heart sighs with joy to see his love for all things upon the Earth. He told me that he knows what a good Christian ought to be and strives to be it every day, just as we do. He said a good Christian must be understanding, loving towards others and tolerant, with mercy in their hearts. They must learn to accept other people's paths to God, for a good Christian has to keep an open mind."

Uriel snorted, bushy red eyebrows furrowed. "_**Please**_! A good Christian must advocate and preach the word of God from up on high! He must take the Good Book word for word and not try to "liberalize" its message. If you keep interpreting it differently over and over you'll ruin the original message of the Father! Fire and brimstone and good old fashioned faith, _that's_ what a good Christian should have!"

Azrael spoke up, speaking in his usual monotone, only this time it carried a thoughtful ring to it. "A good Christian should simply do their job and not worry so much about what God thinks. They should be more concerned with getting their tasks done without bringing personal beliefs into everything. Knowing when to philosophize and when to get things done, that…is what a good Christian needs to know."

Michael rubbed his handsome chin. "Well, I personally believe that a good Christian has to believe strongly in the power of faith, and that they must hold His word dear. But fire and brimstone, they aren't necessary, and the Bible does say much…but not always clearly. Remember, the Son himself gave many a parable to teach a valuable lesson…the bible is filled with parables on which we can look to for life lessons. One who is loyal to God, the Son and fulfills his duty, THAT is what a good Christian is."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "I believe that a good Christian should be tolerant, but shouldn't automatically believe that there's more than one path to God. You have to be careful, there are false prophets everywhere, and many a cult upon the Earth. However I also believe that the Word of God can mean many things. The message is one of open-mindedness, that I believe strongly. A good Christian needs only to be fair, kind and helpful to do their duty, **that** is all they need."

They all stood there, not speaking for a few moments, watching Raphael play with Richard. The tension of the different viewpoints was hanging stagnant in the air. Suddenly they heard a "KA-BOOM" and they all stiffened. "Oh dear." Gabriel remarked. "An angry soul hath entered the Pearly Gates." Azrael intoned.

"Hey, **YOU**!" Someone shouted. "Oh, phooey." Azrael groaned.

A very angry-looking young man approached, with a much older man beside him. "You killed my dad!" He shouted at the Archangel of Death.

"What _else_ is new?" He muttered.

"Look at him!" The kid yelled. "He has a ring around his head!"

**SFX**: Woooooop! (Shot of the older man is shown. Yep. Ring around his head.)

"LOOK AT HIM! He's _**pathetic**_! Now you've done it! I'm gonna-"

Michael promptly dragged him and his dad off. "I'll take him to the re-conditioning room." "Go easy on him!" Gabriel asked him. "I just remember how his dad died…he was watching Barney and choked on a BBQ wing!"

"Okay, since it's so pathetic, I'll go easy on him and skip the Psalm reciting!"

Meanwhile, Richard was asking the archangel Raphael a question, and the angel looked a bit surprised, but promptly nodded.

"Okay, Richard. You caught me. How'd you smell it?"

"I didn't. I saw it poking out of that belt. What is it?"

Raphael took him aside behind a nearby bush and pulled something from his belt. "This…is marijuana."

"Oooooh!"

"Down on Earth it can be dangerous if used incorrectly. Up here it is very useful. I use it as a relaxant personally…but it can also be used for visions. If used by one of magical power, then they can see into the future." He held it up. "Here. Try it. Be careful though, your first time can be very…unsettling."

Richard held it in his hands and put it to his lips. He inhaled…and immediately began coughing, tears springing to his eyes. Raphael patted him on the back. "Let it out, let it out…"

Suddenly everything turned all neon, and Richard felt…

Pretty…

Oooooh…

Wow.

Like…

Cool, man.

"Richard? Are you alright?"

"I feel weiwd. Woah! Fweaky."

"What do you see?" Raphael asked.

Richard concentrated on some far off thing in the distance that was rushing towards him at a million miles and hour, suddenly up and in his face. He saw…

"It's Shin! He…he's talking with some people, they…they're dressed like him. Now…oh, this blonde giwl's in twouble…and that's Nick, he…oh, he's weally sad. But somebody's thewe…a giwl…she's got black haih and wooks weally pwetty."

"Jade Chan, no doubt. Go on, go on."

"She's…talking to him…oh, he's cheewing up somehow! Now they aw going to…to some booth…some glass booth-WOAH, they went bye-bye into a wall!"

"…hmm…"

Gabriel, Uriel and Azrael were now looking at each other with wary eyes. "Uriel, I don't think that bible-thumping is very Christian."

"Well it sure beats such a loose view that YOU have on Christian works!"

"His isn't nearly as bad as Raphael's, Uriel. But I do believe you need to lighten up a bit with the "You will all go to Hell" attitude you've had with people down on Earth…"

"…"

"And Azrael, you could stand to be a LITTLE more passionate about things."

"Emotional outbursts are overrated."

"Uh…mistah Gabe?"

Richard was tugging on Gabriel's left wing. The blond-haired archangel turned to him and knelt down. "What is it, chief?" He asked in a friendly manner.

"Mistah Waphael's being funny. Weally funny."

"What?" Gabriel and the other archangels looked up at Raphael and gaped. He was now naked in nothing but a heavenly pair of underwear, staring up at the sky, a HUGE blunt in his hand and reflective pink sunglasses on. His hair was stretched out across the ground, and he looked like a hippie.

"You know…you…you go through life thinking you're an individual…but really, we're all just one big individual, you know?"

"Oh boy. RAPHAEL! What did we tell you about overdoing it?!?"

"Quick, get a bucket of water, fast!"

MEANWHILE, DOWN ON EARTH…

"This is the life." Ratso said as he shot a pool ball into the corner pocket. "Ha! Hey fellas, look, I got it in!"

"Yeah, it's nice working for big V again, especially since now we get better pay AND he put in a disco room in the basement." Finn agreed. He was playing with a dartboard. "Hey, hey watch! This time's for SURE!" He closed his eyes and tossed it at the board. With a "FWIP" it struck dead center. "Got it! I finally perfected the technique!"

"Yeah, and it only took you eight days and 345 misses." Chow said, jabbing his thumb at the marks on the wall that lined up, down and all around the dart board. "We need to get some spackle, I think." He turned to Hak Foo, who was on a treadmill. "How you holdin' up, buddy?"

"Hamster runs on wheel!" Hak Foo proclaimed. He was a muscular Asian man with red hair, a long mustache and a goatee, with wild, spiky hair that resembled "Goku's" do from "Dragon Ball Z". He wore a blue, sleeveless shirt with a red belt and blue pants and brown boots. He was slightly overweight at the moment, something which, according to him, "shames my soul". He had also stated "Hak Foo wants strength of speeding leopard, not of fat hippo".

"Well keep at it. You know what the doc said." Ratso told him. "Yep. 3 hours a day exercising and you'll be back in shape in no time!" Finn agreed. "Which means HE'LL be doing 6 hours." Chow snickered.

"Well, hungry gopher digs hole." Hak Foo panted as he continued to run on the treadmill. It was going at 8 miles an hour, and now he turned it up to ten. He was really sprinting now, and he had a little red wristband on him that was connected by a string to a red patch on the machine. If the wristband was removed, patch and all, the machine shut down…

Which is why what happened next only figured.

"Like, hiiii! How's everyone doin', huh?" Sandi Valmont walked into the relaxation hall they were hanging around in with Shendu and the other demonic brethren behind her in childish form. Tso Lan had taken a look at Dai Gui's "fireman" upstairs, the rash did look serious. Unfortunately, he hadn't practiced healing spells in CENTURIES, so…he couldn't help, and was frankly too uninterested to.

Shendu couldn't take his eyes off of Sandi Valmont, there was just something about her…

"Oh, that looks like fun!" Sandi said, going over to Hak Foo, who tried to ignore her and kept running as fast as he could. "Hey, can I like, try it after you and stuff?"

"Monkey speaks no evil." Hak Foo muttered and continued running. However he didn't notice that he was slowing down a bit…

"Like, wow! Ya know, your hair looks like…"

"I KNOW!" Hak Foo growled furiously.

"How coooome?" She asked.

"Go away!"

"Come ONNN! Tell me!"

"NO!"

"Pleaaaase? Pretty please with sugar on top?"

Hak Foo turned to her, furious. "I used too much gel as a child when I was fascinated with DBZEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!!" He had slipped and was now being painfully dragged along the treadmill's strip. "Well, I suppose friction is ONE way to lose weight." Tso Lan snickered.

"HELP MEEEE!" He shouted. He was unable to reach up and pull the patch off of the machine. Sandi calmly reached up. "Oh, lemme get it…there!" WOOP! Hak Foo went flying through the air, slamming hard, hitting the wall behind the treadmill. He groaned in pain.

"Orangutan crashes into tree…" He grumbled.

Sandi beamed. "Aw, that be my good deed for the day!" She promptly did a couple cartwheels on the spot, cartwheeling over to the dizzy martial arts expert and pulling him out of the wall. "Come on, hotshot. I'll make you some lemonade! Who wants lemonade?!?" She called out.

"Oh, I do, I do!" Ratso begged. "Yeah, I could go for a cold one!" Finn agreed. "Me too!" Chow asked.

Sandi turned to Shendu. "So, uh, James? Do you, like, wanna lemonade?"

Shendu stared at her, unblinking for a few moments. Then he spoke.

"Y-yes, I'd…I'd like a lemonade." Sandi grinned cheerfully and walked off with Hak Foo in tow. "Let's get YOU some aspirin with your lemonade, Hakeysack!"

Once all of the "adults" had left the room, Po Kong raised an eyebrow and asked Shendu "What on EARTH is with your fascination with that girl?"

"I…I'm not sure…" He admitted. "There's just…just something unbelievably enticing about her combination of innocence and attractiveness…"

"Oh, you want her." Xiao snickered. "Well, she is quite attractive for a human girl. Why not-oh right, you can't force yourself on her, you'd get in trouble…"

"I want her to want me." Shendu told him quickly. "Even though I'm not sure what it is that I want…what about her has cast a spell on me? What makes her so…what she is?"

"Maybe you should follow her." Tso Lan suggested, walking over to a chair that was near a bookshelf. On the bookshelf were many tomes, including one book that caught Tso Lan's eye…a book entitled "The Problem With Pain", by C.S. Lewis.

"Hmm." He said, opening it up.

"Hmm." Shendu thought, following Sandi from a good distance in secret.

"Hmm." Nick thought out loud as he found himself lost somewhere in San Fran's topography. He'd wandered back into town, but was now in some darkened alley, and it was getting awfully cold. The time was 3:00, Nick had not eaten lunch OR breakfast, and he was hungry. Still, it was very…dark…out. He thought back to the "surviving a horror movie" rules.

Something banged from inside a trash can. He jumped back.

"Rule number four, never investigate a strange noise!"

Then he saw something familiar…the golden arches of McDonalds. "Oh Thank GOD!" He laughed. "I've never been so glad to see a Mickey D's before!"

He walked right inside and up to the counter. "Gimme two plain cheeseburgers, a medium soda and fries, sir!" He asked.

The man at the counter looked a bit strained. "Uh, what was that again?"

Nick raised an eyebrow. How come there was only one person in here besides him, a 34 year old man? The man was staring right at him with obvious fear in his eyes…and sweat all over his grease-covered shirt.

"Uh, two plain cheeseburgers, a medium soda and fries." Nick asked again.

The man grumbled. "All right, all right. Man, how come I gotta work at a fast food restaurant?"

"Cuz you're _retarded_!" Nick thought of saying…but he suppressed it. However a snort of laughter came out all the same. The man glared at him.

"Hey! How'd YOU feel if you worked at a fast food restaurant?"

"…I'd feel like crap. Which is why I don't WORK at a fast food restaurant."

The man nodded slowly, getting the point and walked into the back, where the kitchen was. Nick could hear whispering and some harsh voices. The man came back out with Nick's order, and the teen promptly paid him and walked his stuff to a nearby table after filling his cup up with "Barq's" Root Beer. But in the middle of polishing off his fries, he heard something crash from inside the kitchen.

"Huh?" Nick blinked a few times. What the? Where'd the guy at the counter go-

He got his answer a moment later. The man was thrown through the drive-through window by some unknown force, groaning in pain. Nick stood up and saw someone coming out from the kitchen…

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me."

"Hey there, Nicky boy! Fancy seeing you here!"

Who should it be but Drago? And worser still, there were three people with him. One had spiky blond hair and bright blue eyes, one was thin with a nasty expression on his face that looked like he had irritable bowel syndrome, and the other had a brutish body that was strong and square. All of them were wearing "thug" clothing. The one who looked like he had a bowel problem was sucking on a tube while flicking a cigarette lighter into a hole in the tube. The brute knocked it out of his hands.

"Hey! A—wipe!"

"Yo, chill!"

"Hey, ain't my fault! DJ made me drop my freakin' bong!"

"Meet my crew, my "peeps". Strikemaster Ice, (blonde) DJ Fist (brute) and MC Cobra (bowel problems)."

"How long have you been up here?"

"Long enough. I'm thinkin' I get some cash built up, start a little criminal empire, then go back after Jade. I should have had her!"

"What?"

Drago sighed. "The future Jade never told the younger one about our relationship! Passionate yet tender, old-fashioned yet experimental…"

Nick raised an eyebrow and made an expression of disbelief mixed with obvious disgust. "Riiiight."

"She was so wonderful in bed! And OUT of it too, she's just got that spark in her! Like MY mom! She was a wonderful person…but, well, she's gone. But Jade's here and now, so I'll take what chance I can get."

"So a demon's robbing Mickey D's for money. What about the food?"

"You call this McCrap food? Look at it?" Drago held up a burger without a bun or any toppings of any kind.

"Looks fine to me."

"Look closer, dingus."

Nick did. EW, it had a hair on it, a short and curly hair! "Gross!" Nick exclaimed.

"Plus look at the color…its _grey_. I don't eat grey food." He added, tossing the burger away.

"Oh good, then **I **don't have to worry." Nick chuckled.

"Cute. Now anyhow…" Drago crossed his arms. "Since I need to find a better base of operations than that old warehouse across from this place, I need the cash. All we scored was one gold piece from the museum. Granted it's big, and it's GOLD, but still, it's only one thing. But robbing ain't the only thing I needed the crew back for…there are personal reasons, like what I just told you."

Nick looked a bit skeptical. "They actually have experience with girls?"

"COURSE we do!" Strikemaster Ice said. "I usta pick up all KINDS of super-fines!"

**QUITE** SOME TIME AGO…

Strikemaster Ice brushed his hair back. He and his "homies" were "hangin" and "ridin' dirty" at a bar. He gave his friends a grin. "Watch and learn, boys." He walked up to the nearest lovely and she looked him over.

"Hey babe!"

"…whaddya YOU want, wannabe?"

"I hope you know CPR, cuz you just took my breath away, baby!"

SMACK!

So much for that one. Next!

"You know they call me Moses? Drop your pants and I'll show you how I can part the Red Sea!"

SMACK!

Okay, NEXT!

"Wanna ride me like a pony?"

SMACK!

**NEXT**!

"Is that Windex you're wearing? Because I can see myself in your pants!"

SMACK!

_NEXT_!

"Baby, I've just moved YOU to the top o' my to-do list!"

SMACK!

NEXT!

"You know you've got the nicest lips! The lips between your hips!"

SMACK!

_**NEXT**_!

"Someone call the Pope! Heaven's lost an angel!"

FIVE SECONDS LATER, OUTSIDE THE BAR…

A cold wind blew. Several people prepared to walk inside the bar when suddenly…

"WOOOAAAAAH!!!"

**KA-CRASH!**

A pizza boy punk went flying through a window and landed in a nearby trash can just outside of the bar. He groaned.

PRESENT…

Drago rolled his eyes. "…uh…well, the point is, they don't work for peanuts, so…"

"So you're robbing Mickey D's. Okaaaay…stranger things have happened." Nick shrugged. "But I can't let you rob a store. Exploitation of third world countries and public deception aside, the WORKERS deserve better treatment."

"I, uh…wouldn't worry about the workers if I was you." Drago snickered, picking his teeth. Nick suddenly noticed that there, on his teeth, was a piece of what looked like…human skin…with some hair attached to it.

"You **didn't**." Nick gasped. He felt very cold inside all of a sudden.

"I did! Cannablism sure is fun!" The "junior demon sorcerer" laughed. "No teens working today, just tasty fast-food losers!"

"Whole deal was pretty gross, though." Ice interrupted. "Me and my homeys don't dig that kinda s—t, but those losers shoulda just given the green over to us, y'heard?"

Now Nick was really angry. He grabbed a nearby ketchup squirt bottle and aimed it at Drago, squirting right into the demon's eyes. The ketchup blinded him and he fell on his knees, howling. "AAAA! AAAA! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! IT BUUUURNS!"

What occurred next surprised even the Strikemaster crew. Nick rushed forward, picked Drago up, and the slammed him through a nearby, large glass window. Both went sailing out, hitting the ground, and Nick began smacking the crap out of Drago, screaming his head off.

"YOU FUCKING MURDERER! YOU FUCKING MURDERER! I'LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL FUCKING **KILL** YOU!"

They rolled across the ground, hitting a large warehouse door, apparently the warehouse that Drago and his crew hung out at. Drago's crew watched in horror and shock as Nick raised his fist again, aiming to break some facial bones to little pieces. The McDonalds behind them had caught on fire, they really shouldn't have left the gas AND the deep fat fryer on.

"I'LL FUCKING-"

BAM! Drago kicked him off. Nick was sent flying through the air, landing in a nearby alley. He groaned and stood up. Drago brushed himself off and spat out blood. "That…hurt." He muttered. His mouth opened, revealing flames building up. "Bye-bye, time to FRY!"

He launched a tough-looking fireball at Nick. Nick looked down and saw two steel pipes on the ground. BINGO.

He picked them up and batted the fireball to the side, eyes narrowed in hatred. His watch suddenly beeped and his clothes changed into the attire he'd had when fighting Lillith, his "Fighting Love" martial arts outfit. "Let's _dance_, assholes." Nick snarled angrily.

"Hold on, Nick!"

A familiar voice suddenly called out to Nick from a nearby rooftop. Nick looked up and saw red, white and blue…

"You're not alone in this! This is PERSONAL! Me and my bro here have business." Hao Ryu told him, pointing at Drago.

"Let's do this thing!" He leapt up into the air, flying high and landing with a flourish. "Ready?" He asked Nick.

Nick nodded. "Ready."

Hao nodded. "Bring it on, bro! BRING…IT…ON!"

Drago blinked a few times in confusion, but then grinned in a sick fashion. "You asked for it…crew, ATTACK!"


	24. Tough Choices, Pt3

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

TOUGH CHOICES, PT. 3

Tso Lan watched as Dai Gui sobbed in a chair. "I don't want them to cut my fireman!" He sobbed. "I don't want to lose it! I like my fireman!"

Tso rolled his eyes. Why should he care? He went back to reading his book.

"Waaa!" Dai sobbed. "Mommy!"

Tso Lan's eye suddenly twitched. He turned back to Dai, looking at him in a different light.

"Mommy, oh mommy, please don't let them cut my fireman off…"

Suddenly Tso Lan…FELT something…

He just couldn't let Dai Gui get hurt. He was family, his brother, and he was in need of help. He walked over to his burly brother and patted him on the shoulder. "Brother, I…I'll help you." He said. "I'll help you get out of the state and away from that crazy nurse. And I'll find a cure."

Dai Gui sniffled. "R-really? You will? Oh, thank you, brother!" He gave Tso Lan a big hug. Tso gasped. "You're…crushing me!"

"Oh. Sorry." Dai apologized, letting go. Tso Lan took in some deep breaths, then folded his arms. "Right, now the first thing is to-"

"Aw, that was so sweet of you!" Finn said, entering the room. Ratso and Chow entered right behind, along with Hak Foo, who was lifting some weights. "Yeah, can't believe demons cared." Ratso admitted. "A good Kodak moment." Chow told them.

Tso Lan's eyes glowed red. "If you tell anyone else about this, I will make you eat your own hands."

The Enforcers all gulped. Then Ratso spoke. "Why would anyone wanna cut your…uh…what did you say?"

"My fireman."

"Ah, the fireman sure is magical." Finn laughed.

"Rubbed helmet spits in eye." Hak Foo said.

"But they ain't gonna cut it off." Ratso told him.

"Uh-uh. What, do you think we're all _crazy_ here in the modern world?" Chow asked.

Tso Lan and Dai Gui blinked. Xiao and Shendu were now listening, they'd been ignoring the whole scene and reading some books including "How to 69 With Yourself" and "Romance for the Soul".

"So…then what is circumcision?"

"They're just going to cut your foreskin from your penis so that it looks bigger."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…really?"

"Hmm. _Hmmm_…"

"Hey, a circus-season doesn't sound so bad!"

"I think I want a circumcision too!"

"Well what on EARTH are waiting for? Let's go find that male nurse!" Tso Lan exclaimed.

MEANWHILE, AT UNCLE'S RARE FINDS…

Uncle turned on the news as Tohru and Jackie tried to cheer Jade up. "Jade, I liked him too. I'm sure he'll be fine…well, I mean, he can take care of himself, he IS a superhero…" Tohru said, rubbing her shoulders.

"But according to Captain Black's sources, he's living with those demons! AND Valmont's a d--k." Jade complained.

"Jade, watch your mouth!" Jackie told her. "Where'd you learn such language? It's that "South Park", isn't it? Haven't I warned you what it can do?"

"Tch. I've known swear words since I was in Elementary school." She muttered with scorn. Jackie looked offended but simply shook his head. "Just try and keep the swearing to a minimum. Now Jade, I know how you felt, it was exciting having Nick around, since he's from another world and-"

"I felt like he understood me." Jade blurted out. "Like…well, like we saw the world through the same eyes, as corny as that sounds. I guess…I thought he could have been a great friend, but I don't see how we can be friends if he's going to be living with…with them."

Uncle channel-surfed, silent.

"Well, you shouldn't worry about the demons. We will find banishment spells soon enough. Uncle is just taking a small break from-"

"AIYAAAA!" Uncle shouted. "Jade! It is your friend and your teacheeeeer!"

They all rushed to the TV. There, on the news, was a special report. A McDonalds had blown up and there were reports of casualties, inflicted by a dangerous gang which was now fighting against two superheroes. One had referred to himself, in the middle of baseball bat-beaning Strikemaster Ice as "Kid Vigilante" and the other hadn't given himself a name. He was lost in the fight.

The whole city was tuned in onto the fight, because the crew that the two superheroes fought against…grew green scales before their eyes, along with claws and sharp talons, and they suddenly were no longer human but something else…

"Now then, enough playing around!" Drago snarled. He raised his hand and pointed. "ATTACK!"

"Yo, check THIS!" Ice shouted out, jumping through the air, foot first. Nick still had his steel pipes in his hands. He jumped up to meet him, bringing down the pipes, missing Ice. Ice's taloned foot slammed into Nick's chest and he was sent flying back, into the door of the warehouse they were fighting at. It was becoming more and more cracked and damaged.

Fist and Cobra were ganging up on Hao, but for some reason they couldn't hold a candle to his skills. He kept ducking and weaving, avoiding all of their strikes. When finally they'd gotten tired enough he jumped up and did a roundhouse kick, sending them back. Fist grunted and dug his claws into the ground, scooping up a large chunk. He tossed it at Hao, who punched, shattering it. Cobra and Fist began tossing those chunks at Hao, advancing on him again.

Meanwhile, Ice and Nick were exchanging blows. Nick had dropped the pipes and was simply punching Ice over and over in the face and stomach, but his blows were weak, his powers not fully returned, his concentration poor. A good backhanded strike and he staggered, dizzy. A quick jab to the stomach, a knee to the face and a good kick to the chest and Nick flew into the door of the warehouse AGAIN, almost cracking it in two.

"Ow my back, my back, my fucking BACK! Holy CRAP that hurts!" He snarled, pulling himself out. "I'll kick your posing butt!" He shouted, rushing at Ice, raising his hand. "BRING THE HEAT!" A huge, black and red flame sprung up in his palm. He tossed it at Ice, who batted it aside. "BRING THE HEAT, BRING THE HEAT, BRING THE HEAT!" Nick shouted, tossing more and more.

"Ha! That all you got, boyyyy?" Ice asked, laughing. He took in a deep breath and blew his own flame. Nick leapt back, growling angrily.

"Aw, _damn_ it, you son of a-"

Suddenly he heard two "KAPOWS" and Fist and Cobra were sent flying through the air, landing in a dumpster. Nick looked over and saw Hao blowing fake dust off of his fist. "You just got owned." He told them. "Justice has a new name, and it's Kid Vigilante! Now…" He turned to Drago, pointing. "Let's finish this, bro!"

"Stop calling me that!" Drago snarled, leaping at Hao. Hao grinned and jumped back as the half-dragon's claws slammed into the ground where he HAD been. "Why not?" He asked, pulling his sunglasses off.

"You ARE mine." He whispered, revealing the distinct glow of golden eyes that were so much like Drago's. The evil half-dragon's eyes widened in shock. "Your…your eyes, they're…they're like mine, like…dad's…" He muttered.

"Years from now it'll be all your fault that Mom died!" He snarled. "You broke her heart! If she'd been paying more attention to the road and less attention to thinking about you, she would have survived!"

"But…but Shendu…in the future, he told me…Dad told me you died in childbirth!" Drago stuttered.

"He doesn't know I exist. Dragon kids develop on different speeds, sometimes they take **years** to be birthed without any party knowing for sure. You however, developed quickly and so the moment you started to mature you let your dragon side kick in and you were such a selfish, greedy kid that you let yourself go to the dark side. Mom was so upset she never got over it! Even though I was born 8 years after you, even though Mom had ME, all she could think about was you, you, you! You and Dad! And you both hurt her heart!"

Hao was furious, eyes gleaming angrily. "But I don't intend to kill you. I'll beat you to within an inch of your life and then throw you in jail and lock away the key! That's the American way!"

"F—k your American way!" Drago snarled, spitting out flames. "I do what I want! You're just a flag-waving motherf—ker who thinks "justice" is more than just a fancy word! You need to get over the past!"

Hao dodged them, jumping back and growling. "So you want to play hardball, bro? FINE." He snarled.

He concentrated and then howled at the sky. His skin became scaly, talons and claws grew, as well as a tail. He grew horns upon his head, only there were four instead of six, and his eyes gleamed golden and not red.

"Come on, bro." He growled, rushing at Drago.

Ice blinked a few times. "Sheesh. Talk about angsty-"

KABOOOONG! A steel pipe knocked him out. "THAT'S for kicking me in the stomach all those times." Nick said angrily. Normally he wouldn't have done a sucker punch, but this guy was fighting dirty, he'd actually pulled Nick's _pants_ earlier.

Drago and Hao were going at it full on, slashing and clawing, biting and snarling. It was a scary sight, and Nick watched from a distance, gripping the two steel pipes hard in case…

In case what happened a moment later happened.

Drago managed to get a good claw slash on his brother's face. Hao screamed in pain, and then Drago grabbed his brother's arm, tossing him into the already cracked and wrecked door of the warehouse. It was ready to collapse now after Hao hit it and didn't get up. He just lay there, groaning.

Drago approached, cracking his knuckles. Nick, the Chan Clan and all that were watching on TV gasped.

"Too bad, bro. Guess I won't be seeing you at the next family reunion." He sneered.

"Never found out why you left him, but this answer begs that question! Too blind to see tomorrow, too broke to beg or borrow!"

Drago turned his head.

"Young and stupid…left wide open….hearts are wasted…lives are broken!!!" Nick screamed, suddenly up in his face and slamming his fist into the junior sorcerer's face. Drago crashed into a wall and slid down, rubbing his face as blood seeped down from his mouth. Nick banged the steel pipe on the ground.

"Whatever happened to brotherly love?" He wondered out loud.

**BGM: Dread Rock, by Paul Oakenfold**

The watch suddenly sprung to life. Drago turned and saw Nick's stare had turned not hateful, but purposeful.

"Honestly, you…you'd kill your own brother. I can't let you do something so horrible. You're sick, and I can't do anything to help you. All I can do is stop you!" He held the pipes up. "No matter what it takes! I will fight for all that is good in this world, because I wanna save everyone! Come what may!"

"Stop? Me?..." Drago chuckled. "Nick, you can't."

The two stood staring at each other for what seemed to be hours, hours of intense emotion that split through the air like lightning.

"Actually…"

Nick sprung off from the ground, pipes held high. "I _**CAN**_!"

He swung them down, and they hit Drago's shoulders. Then he kicked, and Drago was knocked back. He jumped back as the half-dragon jumped up, spitting fire. He knocked the fireballs away, one at a time.

"WHY-WON'T-YOU-DIE!?!" Drago snarled.

"I've got too much I need to do!" Nick shouted. He felt a surge of energy wash over him, and then is clothes had changed back to normal. "I may not be a Chosen or the Game Master anymore, but I'm still gonna be a hero when I can! I can't hold back on you! I'm grateful for what you did for me down in Hell, but you've crossed the line! TAKE **THIS**!" He jumped into the air, his aura rising around him in a brown color.

"GAIA CRUSH!"

He hit the ground, and the resulting surge of land flowed, sending Drago up. Nick leapt up into the air, raising the pipes.

"ONE!" He shouted, hitting him on his right shoulder. "TWO!" He shouted, hitting him on his left arm. "THREE!" He finally shouted, slamming both down on Drago's head with all of his might. Drago fell hard to the ground, and Nick hovered down from the air.

Drago stood up, growling. "You just got yourself involved in a world of hurt!" He spat, rushing forward with great speed, striking and slashing. Nick held up his pipes and managed to block quite a few of the blows.

"One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!"

"Little-brat-you're-not-going-to-beat-me!"

"Oh-yes-I-am!"

"Oh-no-you're-not!"

Suddenly a good, hard kick sent him flying up, up, onto the rooftop. Nick landed with a "KATHUNK".

Jade gasped. Nick wasn't moving. "Nick…no…"

Silence. He still didn't move.

Uncle gasped. "Is…is boy really dead?"

Captain Black covered his face. "This is my fault, if only he'd stayed with Jackie…"

Then…

Nick jumped up, tossing the pipes to the ground. He grinned. "You didn't really think THAT was going to beat me, did you? Time to take it up a notch!" He shouted. He jumped off the roof, foot held high in a kick. "AQUA KICK!" He shouted, slamming it down. It missed, Drago jumped away, but the hero wouldn't be put off by THAT!

Nick rushed at him, a burning fist held behind him as the flames slowly flickered in the night. "SHORYUKEN!" He shouted, punching Drago in the chin, sending him up, up…

Nick calmly watched as the junior sorcerer's body fell back down after going about eighteen dozen feet in the air. "Woah. Not bad. Still, I need to practice more. Anyway…let's see if I can pull THIS off! If it works…" He clenched his palms together and concentrated.

"Fire…" A red orb popped up in his palms.

"Wind…" A green orb appeared...

"Water…" A blue orb appeared…

"Earth…" A brown orb appeared…

"Metal…"A grey orb appeared…

"Poison…" A purple orb appeared…

"Electricity…" A yellow orb appeared…

"Ice…" A light blue orb appeared…

"Darkness…" A black orb appeared…

"Light…" A white orb appeared…

Nick stepped back and Drago's body slammed into the ground. Groaning, the half-dragon stepped out of the small crater he'd made.

"I've been struck by my father millions of times. I've endured the torments of hell. I've been burnt, almost split open and struck by chi spell after chi spell. Did you think a FALL could hurt me?" He asked in an arrogant tone.

Nick shook his head. "Naaaah. The fall wasn't supposed to hurt you…" He held his palm open. In it was a swirling rainbow orb of colors. "This will."

Drago's red eyes went wide as saucers. "Oh fu-"

"ELEMENTAL BLAST!" Nick shouted. A huge, multicolored blast of light poured forth from the orb in Nick's hands. It struck into Drago's body, sending him flying straight back into the door of the warehouse, and both Drago, door and beam of energy kept on flying…

KABOOOOOOOOM!!!

Nick grinned as a huge multicolor explosion resulted. He could see Drago's form flying through the air, over the city. Oddly enough, he was yelling "CHAAAAN". He could also see specks of debris flying through the air as well, shimmering slightly in an interesting twinkle effect, like they were golden comets. He turned around and raised a fist. "THAT'S the way you do it!" He shouted. "That was Frickin' A, man! Frickin' A!"

(Music ends.)

Suddenly he heard groaning. By the wall, Hao was stirring. Nick ran up to the downed vigilante and helped him up. "Oh, my body aches…I shouldn't have gone easy on him, bro or not…" Hao muttered.

"It's okay, we'll…" Suddenly something in the warehouse caught his eye.

Something golden. He helped Hao inside, and knelt down, picking up something from the ground. It looked like…

A huge piece of some golden item. What the?

Then Nick remembered…

"_All we scored was one gold piece from the museum. Granted it's big, and it's GOLD, but still, it's only one thing…"_

"_The Bell of the Heavens. A large, solid gold bell with great powers…"_

"Aw, dang." Nick moaned in total depression. "You gotta be **shittin'** me!!!"

MEANWHILE…

"You…_broke_…my bell…"

King stared at Nick, mouth open, gaping. The other demons, The Enforcers, Valmont and Sandi were all in the backyard. As it were, Captain Black had (secretly) installed recording equipment all over the backyard, and now Jade, Jackie, Uncle Tohru, Black, El Toro, Paco and Viper were all intently listening, as Hao stood behind Jackie, face like stone. Nick hadn't told Shendu that Hao was his son, and he didn't plan to. Hao could tell his dad when he was ready.

But Nick wondered who Hao's MOTHER was…

"Yeah, I…I broke it trying to defeat Drago. At least I managed to trounce him."

"Well done indeed." Tso Lan complimented. "Anyone who can teach my annoying bratty son a lesson is fine in my book." Shendu added. "Welcome to the team, I guess!" Sandi beamed. "So uh…what happens now, Mr. Snaky?" She asked.

King groaned. "…don't call me that, young one. Please." He took a deep breath, thinking. Then after a few moments, he spoke. "What happens now…is **this**!"

King raised his hands up into the air, casting a spell. "Come forth and reveal the location of that which has been broken!" He shouted. "Reveal the shards of the Bell of Heaven!"

FAWOOM! Above them in the sky appeared a large map of the earth, with blinking dots at various locations. The nearest one was in Hollywood, and then there was on in NYC, and also one in America's heartland, in Kansas.

"Three in the land of the free!" Nick proudly said.

There were two dots blinking in Africa, one in Egypt and one far down south, in South Africa. There was also one in Iraq.

"Cool, maybe I'll get to see Nelson Mandela." Sandi wondered. "He is like, so cool. I just love those shirts he wears, too."

There were four in Europe. One in France…

"Oh la-la, gay Pariee!"

One in Britain...

"Ah...my motherland." Valmont said fondly. He began to hum "Hail Britannia".

One on the German/Transylvanian border…

"Seriously though…" Ratso asked. "What IS wrong with those German people?" He was immediately kicked in the shin by Nick for his racist remark.

And one was in…

"Ah, MY country! Good old Ireland, four leaf clovers and strong whiskey here I come! Back to Belfast in style!" Finn laughed.

There were four in Asia. One in China, in Hong Kong, one in Russia, at Moscow, one in India, at Delhi, and one in Japan, in Tokyo.

"Ah, Tokyo. I always wanted to go there." Chow admitted.

"Hong Kong my kind of place." Hak Foo said simply.

Finally there were two more, one in Australia and one in New Zealand.

"AWESOME!" Nick exclaimed. "I'm headin' back to the land down unda!" He sang out.

"The golden bell is a being of incredibly immense magical power. It's aura is bright, matched only in power by the almighty beings of Heaven and Hell themselves, or…the Chosen." King said, smiling slightly. Then he look turned serious. "Be warned. A magical aura of your strength, dear chosen, will draw other magical beings to you if you're not careful. One aura attracts another, and the more powerful it is, the greater risk you will be in. That's why it's necessary to find the golden bell pieces and get back to San Fran and California, where my magic is strongest here, in the land."

King clapped his hands and the map vanished. "Well, pack all of your things." He said. "We shall head off soon. First stop…Hollywood."

"Swimming pools…"

"Movie stars…"

"It's a hell of a town!"

Captain Black put down the receiver. "Well, Jackie? Think you're up for one last adventure?"

Jackie turned to Uncle. "Uncle, what do you think?"

"…boy is being manipulated into thinking demons can be trustworthy. They will steal the bell first chance they get…and once all pieces are in place and the Bell of the Heavens is under their control…" Uncle rubbed his glasses and put them back on.

"**IT WILL MEAN THE END OF THE WORLD**." He said dramatically. Everyone gulped.

"Well…I guess I'd better get packing!" Jade said.

"Jade, no, leave this-oh, who am I kidding? You're not going to listen, are you?" He asked.

"Nope." Jade said. "Not one bit. So, uh…does anyone remember where I put my toothbrush? The compact one?"

Back at Valmont's place, Nick was packing his stuff into the various drawers and closets. He didn't have much though, so he killed time by singing.

"Talkin' away! I don't know what…else to say, I'll say it anyway! Today is not my day to find you…shying away! I'll be comin' for your love, okay? Taaake…oooon meeeee! Taaake…meeee…ooooonnn! I'lll beeee goooone…in a day or twoooooo!" He didn't notice that the bottom of his feet (he'd taken his sneakers off) were glowing slightly, with a strange rainbow glow lighting them up.

"Is that ah-ha?" Finn asked, walking by his room.

"What, a teen can't listen to ah-ha?" Nick asked, annoyed.

"AH-HA?"

Hsi Wu spooked Finn by going "BLAAAA" in full demon form; he also had walked by Nick's room. Finn screamed and ran for the hall closet. Satisfied, Hsi peeked into the room.

"Uh…Nick? I…uh…can I talk to you? Can…WE talk?"

Shendu was there. He looked at Nick intently.

"Shendu remembered you. He has something he said he had to say."

Nick nodded. "Sure, come on in."

Shendu and Hsi walked inside. Both were in human form sat down on the bed as Nick put the suitcase away. "So what can I help ya with?" He asked.

The Fire Demon was silent at first. Then he spoke up.

"Nick…I…have…well, uh…what I'm trying to say is…it's been a while, and…I'm…I'm…"

"He's glad you're back, he missed you."

"I was going to say that, brother!" Shendu snarled. "But yes, I'm…glad you're back, I…missed having someone to talk to whom I really completely trusted. You'll have to excuse me, I'm really not used to this sort of thing, you know."

Nick smiled. "Sure thing! No biggie, guys. You all set for a world-wide road trip? I'm PUMPED."

Hsi smiled. "Yes, we're…we're excited too. Come on, brother. Let's go get packed." The two of them left. Nick sighed.

_I'm not quite sure what's going on with them, but for some reason, ever since I arrived here in their world and spent some quality time with them, they aren't nearly the a-holes they usually are…maybe I did some good after all…_

King walked into the room. "Nick…I want to ask you if-"

"I'm gonna be ready soon." Nick said. "To be Game Master. Once this is all over, maybe I'll be really ready, but for now…I'll just be Nick Grey, teenager. Is that all right? I don't want the whole "Captain N" thing going to my head."

King rubbed his chin. "You…are aware of what it means to be a Game Master, right?"

"Yeah, but even if it means it's just a title and not something with an incredible responsibility, I'm not ready. I almost…I almost really lost it back with Drago. I almost fed the Black Dog, as my step-mom would say. I have to find some balance before I can try and be a better person and be a Game Master, so…"

"Though this means you are no longer under my protection, I will be happy to wait. I am a patient snake." King said, bowing. "And I'm proud of you for realizing that you must learn to wait as well."

Nick shrugged. "No biggie, really." He smiled. "I'm just glad things seem to be getting easier for me."

MEANWHILE…

"The bell's been separated." Drago whispered to the streets of San Fran, his crew behind him.

"I led your brother to the portal that would free me and arrived up above on Earth to manipulate the cleverest of the Chans and put the seed of doubt into her heart. My part was completed. And you did your part in providing enough of a distraction for the boy, enabling me to analyze his strengths and weaknesses. I know his heart now…" The figure that spoke smiled from the darkness. "I can now break it."

"My father and his stupid family, are you going to-"

"Tchang is still under my control. As for the rest, they'll be down in Hell soon enough, and under my control along with the Thunder Demon. It's only a matter of time. The Chans and their allies shall find the Bell pieces for me and my forces, and banish the demons to Hell where I can control them. Once they're all down here, I can move onto my next phase…Armageddon."

"Just leave Jade alone for me." Drago said. The figure chuckled. "Still have a soft spot for her?"

"Several...always." Drago whispered, and there was real truth in his words.

"…I shall see what I can do."

"Hey, whens do we get paid?" Strikemaster Ice asked, crossing his arms.

The figure snapped his fingers, and suddenly a large chest appeared. It opened up by itself, filled to the brim with gold, jewels and money. The three thugs immediately stuffed their pockets. Drago bowed respectfully at the figure. "Thank you, my lord, oh Highest Servant to the Grand Lord of Hell…great Xan."

Xan shook his head. "Oh, no…" He said. "Oh, no…"

He smirked evilly. "Thank _you_…"

Suddenly Drago realized something. "Wait…that kid, Nick…he might interfere…"

"Well, I've got a plan for that." Xan told him. "And it'll involve you and a few…friends…of yours, and the boys. And the Chan's, too, heh-heh. Don't worry…they're the best in the business…the BEST…"

**Author's Note:**

**As you can now tell, here's where things pick up speed quick. A great journey around the world will begin, as two opposing forces set out to search for the Bell of the Heavens, piece by piece. Who will find the pieces first? Will Jade EVER find a boyfriend? Who will get her, Hsi, Drago or, dare we say it, Nick? Find out...soon! And review by all means!**


	25. Going on the Road!

**Author's Note:**

**It has come to my attention that some people do not like the wait they have to endure for my or other's work, nor the fact that some people complain about how there is a lack of "action" . Now I know how you feel. You just love reading our stories so much you can't wait to see what we turn out next, who ends up with who, etc etc. But eventually one reaches a point where…well, where we, the authors of the work you read, get really angry. **

**To summarize this point I have composed something I think accurately reflects the problems that we, the fanfiction authors, go through. And now: a helpful limerick, as inspired by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill's work…**

**_There was a youth named Bob240,_**

**_Who loved to read fanfiction stories._**

**_But every week he would complain_**

_"**They f—king forgot the sex again!"**_

**_Now pissed off he then would write,_**

**_Throughout the days and all the nights,_**

**_Cruel e-mails that made the authors sick,_**

**_Calling them "douchebags", "queers" and "dicks"._**

**_Real pissed off, kept up at night,_**

_**The authors will not ****take**** this spite!**_

**_They'll find the offender at his coop,_**

**_And kill him with an ice cream scoop. _**

**_Dear readers, what we simply ask,_**

**_Is patience whilst we do our tasks. _**

**_Let us work at our own pace…_**

**_AND DON'T GET ON OUR FUCKING CASE!!!_**

**And now, on with the story. Love ya!**

INTERLUDE: SHIN'S STORY, PT. 1

"Thank you again for everything you've done, you're very kind." Shin Dell told the nice lady from convenience store. "I'm very grateful to you for letting me stay here in your home."

Mrs. Kan smiled. "Oh, it's nothing, really! Mustaq and I are glad to have visitors. And you seem very friendly young man, ah?"

Shin smiled politely. "Well, thank you all the same. You, uh, need any help with the cooler at your store?"

Mrs. Kan shook her head. "Oh no, oh no!" She insisted in her deep, oddly musical Pakistani voice. "We need your help with something else today, actually I need your help with something else."

Mrs. Kan and Shin were sitting in Mrs. Kan's kitchenette. Her husband was already gone, off to the store. Mrs. Kan cleared her throat and sipped some of her tea.

"Now, it is anniversary." She told Shin. "Of when Mustaq and I come to America, which was also three days away from when we married, so we celebrate both anniversaries on same day, throw party and everything."

"Oh, I see." Shin nodded. "So…?"

"Well, I want to get him a good gift. I have been saving up for a diamond. One I have reserved at store, at "Kay's Jeweler's" in Avon, hah?"

She walked up, her fairly large form going to a drawer. She pulled out an envelope and gave it to Shin. "It's a big one, number L55T."

"L55T. I see, I see. And you want me to pick it up?"

Mrs. Kan nodded. "Oh yes, I have to go to store to help Mustaq out in a quarter of hour, he does not want me to be late, he makes big fuss if I am late, so-"

"I would be happy to help you, Mrs. Kan." Shin insisted. "I'd love to help. Honest. I'll get going right now!"

"You know where Kay's Jeweler's is?"

"In Avon. And I can find Avon."

"Good, but in case you are getting lost, here."

Mrs. Kan handed him something. "What's this?" He asked. It was smooth and black in color.

"Cell phone. I will call you or you call me if problem comes up." She flipped it open for him. "Press that green button after picking my number to call, numbers brought up on that button." She pointed to another button. "And that disconnects call. Hold down to turn off phone. And call 911 if there is emergency or 0 for operator if you do not know what number you want to call."

Shin blinked stupidly a few times then nodded. "All right. Will do." He said.

A few minutes later Shin was outside the house and heading down the road. He'd changed outfits using magic. Now he had on a black t-shirt, a silver chain belt and pants, and a silver headband. He also had silver armbands, thick, buckled boots and black tip-less gloves. He also had silver earrings, and his long black hair was unchanged completely, although he now had a blue/black tattoo on his arm.

In short, he looked like what he was, a Goth. Something some apparently drunk and obviously redneck jerks riding by seized on instantly as he was walking past a nearby Catholic church entitled "St. Catherine of Siena".

"Hey! Queerosexual!"

Shin stopped walking and turned to face them. They were glaring out from their truck. One smelled of gunpowder, Shin reasoned he'd been shooting at birds as he passed them by.

"What're you doin' out here, eh?"

"…going to Avon." He said. "I have to pick something up for-"

"That wog lady? Oh, what a f—kin' cunt."

Shin looked very angry with the man. "You shouldn't say such horrible things. Diversity and tolerance are what we need in this world, not bigotry and prejudice."

"What we need're less queers and f-ggots like you."

"You know, guys…" One spoke up, with a scraggly beard, a big mustache and thick veins on his neck…and a "John Deere" hat on his head. "I don't reckon chasin' after homos is very Christian."

"Aw, shut it, Billy Bob! This FAG has to learn what we do to people who didn't fit in here in Simsbury!"

"Simply because I'm homosexual doesn't give you the right to treat me any differently than-"

One of them took out a gun. "Start runnin', queer!" He shouted, aiming it at Shin.

Shin immediately ducked underneath their car. One of them hollered "the f—k?!?" and jumped out, looking underneath, holding onto a hunting knife. "All right, fag, time to-"

Nothing. Nothing there at all.

"What the? The queerosexual took off!"

How right he was! Shin was running down the road at unbelievable, inhuman speed, and completely invisible too boot. His powers of invisibility made him completely undetectable to any scientific way of sensing the unseen and most magical ways. However those with direct holy lineage and enough magical power COULD see him, as Azrael had. But those angry men weren't anywhere close to being men of God, despite the fact that they went to Church every Sunday and prayed vehemently. That alone wasn't enough, what holy spirit was within them was drowning in a sea of intolerance…

But then something happened that made Shin stop. A deer was in front of him, to the side of the road/ He stopped running, becoming visible again.

It saw the Demon of Shadow, turning its head and blinking with black eyes.

Shin said nothing. He simply smiled.

The deer blinked a few more times.

(Tolerance)

Then it slowly walked off into the woods. Shin felt a breeze blow gently as he watched the deer fade into the woods on the sides of the roads. He'd just seen something beautifully simple, one of the little things in life he was glad he appreciated.

He didn't understand why everyone was so scared of him. The whole "Demon of Shadow" thing meant some powers and a title. That was it.

If the others had been raised by HIS mother and father they would have probably turned out much better than they had, turned out much better than so many said they were, which was psychotic.

Eventually though, Shin arrived at Avon. He was impressed. It was a nice little New England town, and there wasn't much traffic out. The blue sky and fluffy clouds complimented buildings and stores of khaki and white color, with the occasional extremely light brown building mixed in. Some smells from a McDonalds, a "99 Restaurant" and "Dunkin Donuts" wafted into his nostrils.

But then he remembered his purpose: Kay's Jewelers. He walked across the road as quickly as he could and into the "Avon Commons". There were crowds of kids hanging around a "Hoyts Cinema" there, the very same one Nick had visited.

"Oh Mark, I'm just so glad you came back to us." Mark Lee's mother sobbed, hugging him tightly. He was there to see "Spider-Man 3" with his family, and YES, it felt good to be alive and back with his family. They'd been about to bury him when he'd pushed the coffin open and surprised them all. Luckily there'd been no fatal heart attacks, but he'd gotten on the front page of the "Hartford Courant" for his efforts. "A Last-Minute Miracle" the headlines had proclaimed.

Still, he only had one regret…that Nick couldn't have come with him. The Nick he'd met down in Hell was different than the one up on Earth at the moment. THAT one had moved away with his family shortly after…the whole incident. He didn't know what he was doing now, either.

He wished he could have told the Nick he'd met that. Somehow he felt it would have been really helpful. And the "goodbye" he'd given…it seemed like it hadn't been-

What the?

Mark noticed someone was walking right up to him. A Goth with VERY long hair and very memorably golden eyes.

"Excuse me." He said politely. "Do you, by any chance, know Nick Grey?"

(Hope)

Mark's heart leapt up into his throat. "Y-yes, I do! Why? Is-is he alright?"

"As far as I know, he's just fine. In San Francisco, I believe."

Mark beamed. "All right! That's great, that's just-hey, wait…who are you exactly?"

"Shin Dell at your service." The Goth said, shaking hands. "Nice to meet you."

A few moments later both Mark and Shin were standing in line to get tickets for the movie. Mark felt the need to ask the question: "How do YOU know Nick?"

"I'm a good friend of his." He said. "And I can tell you've been around him because some of his aura left a trace on you, I can SMELL him on you."

"…okaaaaay…"

"I'm the Demon of Shadow, in case you were wondering."

THAT got Mark's attention. "Oh-oh! Oh **crap**, please don't hurt me, I swear to God I'm sorry for peeking up her skirt, it was a moment of weakness-"

"I'm not a bad demon, all right? I'm not even full demon. My father was a human, a scientist, and my mother was a demon sorcerer who could really only turn invisible."

Mark shrugged. "Still sounds like an impressive talent." Suddenly he got an idea. "Hey…why don't we sneak in instead of paying for these rip-off tickets? They charge 9 bucks for a movie, 9 BUCKS!"

"…but sneaking in would be wrong, wouldn't it?"

"So now a DEMON has to tell me what's right and what's wrong? Come on, it's only one movie."

"I don't know, I-"

"Um, 'scuse me." Someone in a trucker hat and overalls tapped him on the shoulder. He had on a "Spider-Man" t-shirt. "Could you, uh, keep the line movin', mister?" The country bumpkin asked politely in a very friendly manner. Interestingly enough, he was Billy Bob's relative, Shin could tell, the man's blood ran through the boy. Mark groaned but moved up with Shin to the ticket counter. "All right, fine. Be that way." He said in a huff to Shin. "Spoil my fun."

They went up to the counter. "9 bucks, sir." The attendant asked.

Mark reached for his wallet. "Oh fu-"

"As Nick would say, watch your mouth."

"Sorry. I left my wallet at-"

"Here." The kid in the trucker hat said, giving them a 20. "Go ahead. I've got cash to burn, found an oil site right out in mah backyard, wouldja believe that?"

"Wow. Thank you." Shin said, shaking the country boy's hand.

(Kindness.)

The movie was awesome. Amazingly so. Shin and Mark walked out of the movie theater talking about it nonstop.

"And then he-"

"Absolutely amazing, that web-slinging-"

"Topher plays a great Eddie-"

"I'm not sure what I make of that whole change in clothing-"

"Oh, he's being Gothic."

"Gothic?"

"What you are, duh!"

"Huh?"

Mark turned to Shin and looked at him skeptically. "You really don't know what a Goth is?"

Shin blinked stupidly a few times. "No…"

"Sigh. Look, I gotta go with my family. Are you free tomorrow?"

"I suppose, yes."

"Well then meet me back here at the Commons tomorrow at 10 AM. Obviously I have to teach you a few things about how this place works…"

"This place?"

"Simsbury. Actually, I have a better idea. There's a party I'm having at Luna Pizza tonight at 6 PM, meet me there. I've invited all of my friends, including my girlfriend."

"Oh, you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately, she works a 10 hour shift at the McDonalds while I'm working at the "Borders" across the street for 12 hours a day and she's got Piano lessons early in the morning, but we figured out a way to make it work."

"How?"

"Well, we make sure to kiss at least once a day. She works Monday's, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and then bikes over to the "Borders", but on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays…" He grinned, and then added in a singsong voice, "I scooter to mah baaaaybeeeee!"

(Bonus points for the guy who figures out where I got THAT one from!)

At that moment a bunch of kids went driving by, all black. They were whooping and hollering as their car, all pimped out, went down the street. They stopped in front of Shin and Mark, looking the two over.

"…well, what we got here, boys?"

"Hey, I know you! You're that Lee kid! That Jew that came back to life! That s—t was straight up, y'heard? Name's Gosium. I gotta tell ya, y'all got cred now!"

"Uh, thanks." Shin said, a bit taken aback.

"Who's the Goth?" One in a backwards blue cap asked, eyebrow raised up.

"Shin Dell." Shin told the black kids. They looked him over a few times.

"Well nice meeting you, Mistuh Dell. We'd like to chill with you two, you seem a'ight, but we gots to bounce, y'heard?" With that, they took off, their stereo blasting "Biggie Smalls" and "50 Cent".

Shin looked back to Mark. "Well, they seem pretty nice, if not…well, rambunctious. Are they friends of yours?"

Mark looked a bit nervous. "No, just good acquaintances. There's a lot of good acquaintances I have at my school."

"So why not invite them? Let them become friends?"

"Well, you see, I uh…it's complicated, it's…well…"

Mark didn't say anything more about it. He just told Shin to meet him again at the Commons at 6. Shin agreed and headed off for Kay's.

But for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about Mark's attitude towards the black kids. Why didn't he want to invite them?

Why indeed...

Meanwhile, up in Heaven…

Richard was playing more with Raphael, who was showing him around Heaven. Gabriel was also joining in on the tour.

"This is the Hall of the Lambs." Gabriel explained. "Here we have all of the information on every single martyr and sacrificed soul that ever existed. All those that gave their lives up, who died in the name of God, all are here."

Richard pointed at a statue of a man surrounded by other humans that caught his attention. They seemed to be posing for a picture. "Hmm. Who's that? He's got a nice beawd."

"That's Nicholas II, Passion Bearer, surrounded by his family." Gabriel explained. "That is Saint Stephen, and that is...that is the one we'd hoped to get back for a long time…Judas Iscariot himself." He sighed. "Poor souls, all of them."

Raphael patted him on the shoulder. "It's hard. It's always hard, only being able to usually watch as the great story of the Earth unfolds. We do our job; it's what we live for! What we were created for!"

"But Nick told me and evewyone else that doing what you wewe cweated for and doing what you were MEANT fow wewe two entiwely diffwent things!"

Gabriel scratched his head. "Well…uh…um...Er, I guess that's true with humans, but uh…we kind of don't have that luxury, we…well, we're…"

"Did Nick ever tell you that you should do what you're supposed to do?"

"If it was a good thing, yeah!"

"Well obeying our Grand Father's commands is a good thing."

"But he also said that we need have fun once in a while!"

"Er…um…well, I'm uh…Raphael, help?"

Raphael however, was already gone, heading to the nearest heavenly snack stand. As it were, someone was right in front of the counter.

"_**Gimme eighteen dozen Pop-tarts**_!"

"What flavor?"

"Strawberry! And make them Frosted, _please_!" Judas Iscariot begged.

Raphael watched him scarf them down like Homer Simpson gobbled down doughnuts. "Woah, on a binge?"

"They're just so gooooood!" Judas sobbed happily. "Oh, mine taste buds hath never known such sugary goodness!"

Michael, who had stopped to get some sunflower seeds to munch on, looked at the scene. "What the? Raphael, you didn't give him any of your special brownies did you? He doesn't have The Munchies does he?"

"No, no! Look at his eyes! They're not bloodshot."

"…just checking. I have to go down to Earth to check up on something. Should be back in, oh, a few hours…"

"What's the problem?"

"Well apparently I heard from one of my contacts down on Earth that something crashed through holy ground, something that fell from the sky. They say it's important…"

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

GOING ON THE ROAD!

Sunday night, 8 PM, Valmont's house…

Having packed their things, both the "Good Guys" and "The Bad Guys with One Good Guy" all decided to head out on Monday morning. The question was not WHEN to go, but rather HOW to go.

"Hmm…" Valmont said, pacing the floor of his office. Nick, King and Sandi were all there with him, as well as the Enforcers. Hak Foo was doing push-ups on a very expensive Indian carpet.

"What am I going to use? Perhaps I should stick with my helicopters? They're always a good fallback."

"Naaaah! You should, like, TOTALLY use your limos!" Sandi said. "Then we'd like, be movie stars and stuff! Woohoo!"

"Well we can't use the Ferrari." Finn muttered. "The Wind Demon keeps taking off with it. Who knows WHAT he does with it?"

TEN BLOCKS AWAY, AT AN ABANDONED PARKING LOT…

"Woohoo! All right!" Xiao spun and fishtailed all around the parking lot, hands above his head as often as he could. Finally he came to a rest. "Oh, Ferrari…I don't know what I'd do without you…"

**BGM: Sexy and romantic music**

He let out a "hmm" as he brushed himself up against the wheel. Then he took his demon form and began to lick the dashboard. "Ooh yeah…" He said, twisting one of his nipples.

Then he took his loincloth off.

It got weird, man, I swear! REALLY weird!

BACK AT THE HOUSE…

"Sandi, no. We're not using a limousine." Valmont told her strictly.

"Aw, you're no fun." She pouted.

"And you're too rambunctious and you need to concentrate on your studies more!" Her father said, annoyed. "Honestly, Sandi! You don't understand that you're at a pivotal point in your life and your mother and I didn't raise you to be totally dependent-"

"**YOU** DIDN'T RAISE ME AT ALL!" Sandi suddenly screeched. Bawling, she ran out of the room. Nick watched her leave, feeling immense pity for her. King sighed. "I wish she wouldn't do that." "What, cry?" King rubbed his head. "No, screech, I have sensitive hearing…"

Valmont sat down in the huge chair behind his thick, solid mahogany desk and groaned, holding the palms of his hands into his eyes. "Ohhh…" Nick looked at the others. "Uh, I think we should leave him alone."

With that wise suggestion, they headed outside of the room, leaving Valmont alone in the room. He eventually lowered his hands and opened up a small drawer in the desk…

It was a photo…two of them, actually. And a picture made out of crayons. The photos showed a far younger Valmont dressed up in a tuxedo, standing by a very lovely-looking teenager with dark blond hair and a big smile. She and he were holding each other in a prom picture pose, both smiling happily. Valmont's hair wasn't in a ponytail but parted down the middle, hair hanging down the sides.

The next photo was from a hospital. An older version of the teenage girl from before was there, now a young woman with a babe in her arms. Valmont was there as well, with a ponytail this time. He looked overjoyed, as did the mother. They babe shared her mother's smile, her father's eyes, and was in the middle of a bubbly laugh, spit dancing on the end of it's lips.

The picture was a crayon drawing that had the words "Best dad ever" on the bottom. Above it was a lovingly drawn picture of Valmont in "stick figure form", without a nose and with bigger eyes than he should have and a very big smile. He only had a tie on. Behind the picture were the words "Happy Daddy's Day from Sandi" in poorly written script of red crayon.

Valmont didn't put the pictures or the photo down for what seemed to be a very long time. Then he closed his eyes and put his head back, looking up at the ceiling, staring high up.

Sandi retreated and headed up the stairs where her room was, wiping her tears away as she strode up the stairs and down her room's hallway quickly, in a huff…

And that's when she saw Shendu AKA "James Damon" , standing outside of the bathroom, having just finished his business. He turned and looked at her.

"Oh, what a nice surprise!" He exclaimed. It _was_ a nice surprise. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He wasn't sure what to make of her, she...puzzled him. As a demon, he had certain urges. For the most part, demons contained these urges and knew when to give in to them. He generally had indulged in many, MANY of them over his life. Although in some aspects he hadn't at all.

For example he liked to avoid killing children when possible. He also didn't think kindly of Xiao Fung's pansexual habits, they were frankly quite disgusting. He still hated Jackie Chan and would dream up lovely fantasies at night of disembowling him and the "stupid Billy Goat", but he couldn't very well tell anyone THAT stuff. And most of all, he couldn't bring himself to say that had a sort of grudging respect and appreciation (though he didn't want to admit it) when it came to Valmont and his men. He could respect how persistent they were, and how easily they adapted to other aspects of life. And now they had everything they'd ever wanted, something he admired…power.

But the girl…the girl was different…he didn't mind talking about how…how he admired her beauty, and her simple purity. One urge inside of him was insisting that he rape and behead her. But whenever he thought about that, the next urge that came forward was to kill himself if he did that.

Yes, she puzzled him. She didn't hate him OR fear him. And that…that was…

Nice.

Yes, it was nice. Nice not to be feared or hated by someone like her, like someone period! And he had a feeling even if she knew what he was, she wouldn't fear or hate him the way so many people did.

While he was standing and looking at her, contemplating, Sandi looked back into his eyes. There was something really, really cute about him, and she felt he was different than the others. A lot different. He felt trustworthy.

"Can you keep a secret?" She asked him.

Shendu blinked a few times. He brushed his ponytail a little. "Oh, yes." He answered. "What kind?"

Sandi opened the door to her room. "Follow me." She said, leading him inside.

Sandi Valmont's room was large. It had a huge bed with a pink blanket and lovely white sheets and pillows. The wall was creamy in color, with a smooth, carpeted floor, VERY large windows (opened up) and there were many posters and works of art around her room. Some home-made and beautifully painted. Sandi seemed to adore these things around her room…

And the common theme was that of an island state off the coast of California.

Hawaii.

"See that? I painted that. It's a luau. And those posters teach you how to do hula dances."

Shendu looked around. It was amazing. A crystal chandelier made of diamond, paintings of volcanoes, beautiful jungles and long beaches, diving and water sport equipment, a huge map of each of the islands, heck, she'd even found art made from coconuts!

Sandi beamed. "You like it? It's pretty, huh?"

**BGM: Part of Your World, as performed by Miley Cyrus**

_Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? _

_Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?_

_Wouldn't you think I'm the girl…_

_The girl who has everythiiiing?_

_Look at this trove, treasure untold!_

_How many wonders can one bedroom hold?_

_Looking around here you think…_

"_Sure…she's got EVERYTHING!"_

_I've got gadgets and gizmo's aplenty!_

_I've got whosits and whatsits galore! _

_You want thingamabobs? I got twenty!_

_But who cares…no big deal…I want mooooore!_

She ran up to the wall, brushing the posters.

_I wanna be where those people are!_

_I wanna see, see some hula dancing!_

_Walking around on their creamy and skillful feeeeeet!_

_If I stay 'round here I won't get too far!_

_Great legs are required for jumping and dancing,_

_I want stroll and dance around all of their streeeets!_

She ran out of the room, twirling, heading for the stairs. Shendu followed after. She got to the stairwell and slid down.

_Out where they walk, out where they run,_

_Out where they play all day in the sun…_

_Oh Hawaii, wish I could be…_

_Part of your woooorld!  
_

She walked outside with Shendu right behind, going to the pool and removing her clothes, save for her shorts.

_What would I pay to spend a day…_

_Warm in their waters?_

_What would I give, if I could live…_

_Out on their saaaands?_

She suddenly jumped in, then dove back up, doing a backstroke.

_Out on that land, they understand…_

_And they don't reprimand their daughters!_

_Bright young women, sick of swimming…_

She jumped out with a huge leap, kicking off the bottom of the pool, the water sparkling all around her as she landed on the side.

_Ready to staaaand!_

"Oh my…"

Sandi then ran to the house, jumping on top of a window sill, and then jumping up onto the chimney's side, grasping onto a brick. She began to climb up.

_I'm ready to know what those people know!_

_Ask all my questions and get some answers!_

_Wanna go to a luau, and watches as their fires just_

_Buuuurn!_

She reached the top of the chimney, and walked onto the roof. Shendu followed right behind her. She twirled around, hands on her chest, as if holding her heart and keeping it from fluttering around her as she pirouetted in the sunlight, water whizzing off her liked diamonds flying from her body.

_Wasting my turn…_

_Wasting my turn…_

_Wasting my turn…_

_To beeee…_

_Out where they walk, out where they run,_

_Out where they play all day in the sun…_

_Oh Hawaii, wish I could be…_

_Part of your woooorld!_

Shendu watched her, eyes widening as she stopped, stretching her arms out to the sky, pleading to the Heavens.

"So **beautiful**…"_  
_

_Out where they walk, out where they run,_

_Out where they play all day in the sun…_

_Oh Hawaii, wish I could be…_

_Part of your woooorld!  
_

(Music ends.)

MEANWHILE…

Jade had HAD it.

Because Jade had so insisted on going with Jackie and the others around the world, he'd gone to her school to get papers that would allow her to stay out of school for as long as it took, but which would also allow the teachers to send Jade homework and class work via fax. But that wasn't the only thing that annoyed her.

Drew and his friends had SOMEHOW found out and were now making fun of her, asking "Are ya gonna go fight more ninjas" and all that crap. Worse still, they'd focused in on her friendship with Nick, calling him her "new boyfriend". Nick was really nice and sweet and he sure could kick ass, but he was NOT her boyfriend!

…right?

Anyway, Drew had been asking a certain, very annoying question. "Do you like him because he's got a big-" Drew would then grab his crotch and raise his eyebrows suggestively. "You know…? Because I can top it! So come on, what's his Nick's d—k like?"

The question he kept asking, that had REALLY gotten her mad. So that was probably why Jade did what she did.

On Monday morning, before anyone else got up, Jade snuck out of bed, sneaking down from her window. She had a backpack on with the instruments of her revenge inside, and a "I'm going to get that sonofabitch" look on her face.

She rode her bike to Drew's house, specifically, to a shortcut alley that led right to his backyard. She knew that he and his family were all asleep. Grinning, Jade parked her bike and walked through the alley towards the backyard…

HOLY CRAP.

Someone had already left a "present", had committed a prank much better than the one she'd had planned…although it was MUCH more disgusting. She'd been planning to egg his house. Someone had apparently killed a sheep (violently) and dumped the body in Drew's backyard. The stink was wafting towards her. She decided to forget about the back of the house and move onto the front.

HOLY _CRAP_!

Someone had gotten the front too! A message was burnt into his front yard: "YOU SUCK OUT LOUD!" had been written, and the letters were smoking. Jade decided to quickly head back to her house and ran back to her bike.

"Lemme guess…" a voice said as she approached it. A voice from above. "You wanted to prank that little idiot?"

"Well you're kinda late, Jade. We got that a-hole good!"

Jade looked up and saw Nick flying on Hsi's back, both parties grinning in a slightly evil fashion. "Yeah, I think Drew will have a heck of a time explaining what happened out front…although I wish Hsi hadn't killed that poor sheep." Nick said, regret seeping into his voice. "It was…screaming…"

"Oh, it was going to die anyway. I think it would be happy knowing that it would be used for a just punishment rather than for some stupid mortal's dinner. Don't tell me you're one of those…what's the term? Tree-hugger?" The Sky Demon asked.

Nick shrugged. "Sometimes, yeah. I just don't enjoy seeing anything in pain."

"Which is why I made you look away and plug your ears. Now then…" Hsi landed on the ground and Nick hopped off. "Once more we meet, Jade. I had to give Nick a ride, his flying skills aren't fully working too well. All he can do is hover about a bit. It seems his non-elemental skills still leave much to be desired, they're all greatly diminished."

"Yeah, but they're going to be coming back in full with a little time! I've managed to keep SOME spark!" Nick said happily. "Watch! BRING THE HEAT." A small flame popped up in his hands. "Good huh?" Then he sighed. "But for some reason, I can't really get my powers working to full power unless I'm emotionally charged. I think my powers can only manifest through my aura that way…that is, until I get some decent honing of skills done. But going around the world will be good training, don't you think?"

"I can't believe you trust this creep." Jade muttered. "He's-"

"He's my friend. Misguided and a bit perverted, but my friend. Now if you'll excuse us please…" Nick hopped back on Hsi and the two took off through the air. Jade "harrumphed" and then got on her bike, biking back to the shop.

Speaking of the shop, Jackie and the others were listening to Uncle in the living room, all crowded around.

"Uncle, tell us more about this "Chosen" prophecy."

Uncle sighed. He was sitting in a big chair and dusting his glasses. "Do you know NOTHING? Must Uncle tell you everything? Oh well." He rose up. "Many, many ages ago, the Heavenly Host ruled freely and without any true threat. However, when evil sprouted up from within, a great civil war resulted."

Uncle cleared his throat. "One more thing! After this great struggle, the chief instigator of it decided that he could no longer freely attack his hated enemy like he'd done before, for he would surely lose. He needed a plan. So he separated himself, body, mind, soul and heart, some into more parts than others. He appointed Lord Demons that would be the embodiment of the powers of the greatest sins, and set his sights towards conquering not only OUR worlds, but countless others."

"Ay caramba!" Paco exclaimed. Uncle raised a hand.

"One MORE thing! The Heavens were aware of this. They called upon an ancient power, as ancient and mighty as anything in the world. The name escapes me…but remnants of it remain everywhere, in the imaginations of the people. This power could bring that which did not yet exist to life…the power to create as God. This power was sentient and decreed that should the worlds ever be threatened by great disaster, then a hero would be chosen to defend them."

Uncle smiled. "I remember a long time ago…when a good friend told me there would be…a chosen one."

FLASHBACK!

Uncle is standing in front of an old man with long whiskers who's completely bald and dressed up in a karate gi.

The man clears his throat. "Are you ready to hear what I must tell you?"

"…yes, master. Are you sure I'm ready?"

"Hot-chaaa! Do not question me! I tell you now…there will BE…a chosen one."

PRESENT…

Uncle nodded. "And then…he told me…of the significance…"

BACK TO THE PAST AGAIN!

"One more thing! It will be very significaaaaaant!"

BACK TO THE PRESENT!

"And then…" Uncle's face turned grim. "_He killed the dog."_

FLASHBACK YET AGAIN!

Master Do closes his eyes, grunting. "Er…uh!"

**SFX: HUGE fart.**

**SFX: Dog whimpers**

**SFX: Body hits floor hard. **

THE PRESENT…IN THE KITCHEN…

"Okay, we now officially know too much." Captain Black said. He looks around. Somehow they were inside the kitchen. "Wait…how did we get in here?"

"Oh, but you won't _believe_ what happened next!" Uncle says. Everything begins to go all flashbacky, but Captain Black says "No, uh, we're good, right?"

"Yeah, uh-huh."

"We're fine."

"We don't need to hear any more."

"We get the picture."

"Is claro, hombre."

"Very well. Now fetch Uncle tea!"

Captain Black rubbed his chin. "You know, I COULD call in help from the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense on this."

Everyone blinked. "There's a Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense?" Jackie asked.

"I KNEW IT!" Jade gleefully exclaimed. She turned to Paco. "Pay up." Paco grumbled and handed over 5 bucks.

"The Bureau, like Special Unit 2, has been kept a secret from me for a while…until last year I didn't know anything about it, but since I've had experience dealing with magical…er, "problems"…they let me in on it. They're used to dealing with demons and devils and lots of other-"

"Uncle does not even trust bank with moneeeeey! Why should he trust THIS branch?!?"

Black groaned. "Sorry I asked."

Jade was still smiling. "How come you're so happy? It was only 5 bucks." Paco muttered.

"Oh, I'll tell you later." Jade snickered.

And a few minutes later…not too far away…

"Yaaaawn! Another day, another-OH MY LORDY! DREW! WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR FRONT LAWN?"

"FRONT LAWN NOTHIN', CHECK OUT THE BACK!"

"DREWWWWW! GET YOUR SKINNY ASS IN HERE!"

"Aw, now what the f—k I do?!?"

"Don't you dis' you parents, boy! Honey, go get mah belt!"

"Oh, crap!"

A few minutes later, Drew ran out, a huge welt on his butt. He moaned in pain. "That son of a b---hing b---h, Jade! This is HER fault! Ooh, if I could get back at her…"

"I can help you with that…" A voice spoke. Drew looked around. What the?

He saw his friends suddenly, standing right behind him, with a kid that closely resembled that new kid, "James Damon", only he looked slightly meaner and his hair color was different. "My name is Xan…I'm here to…assist you. Your friends wanted to help you out too, and get back at the boy who so embarrassed them AND you. So tell me…are you interested?"

Drew blinked. "In what?"

Xan held up a contract with two pens. "Sign at the bottom, and you'll get many powerful resources at your disposal…enough to take down Jade and get your revenge. Pick the blue pen and you go back to your life and believe whatever you want to believe. You pick the red pen and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

Drew blinked a few more times, slowly. "Hmm…"

"What's it going to be, Drew?"

"………all right. Hand me that pen. I'll do anything to get even with that chink b---h."

Xan smiled cruelly. "Excellent, my dear friend. _Excellent_. And you'll be in good company too…very, VERY good company…"

Saying goodnight to everyone, especially his "partner in prank", Hsi Wu, Nick climbed into bed and conked out. Tomorrow as a big day, big plans would be made! He couldn't wait. In fact, the excitement kept him up for a good hour and twenty minutes before he finally conked out at 10:05.

That's when things got weird…

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…!"

"…?"

"!!!"

"???"

"!!!...I said, wake up!!!"

"…? Wh…whuh? Hu-whuh?"

"WAKE. UP."

Nick opened his eyes.

"WOAH!!!" He shouted.

He was in still in bed, still in his pajamas, but the bed had been transported to what could only be described as…the event horizon of someplace frightening. All around him colors of dark purple and black, with a fine line of gold, all surrounded a huge, empty black void that was sucking in the tiny little pebbles of the ground, fine dust from the air, it was amazing that HE wasn't being sucked in! All it felt to him was like a breeze. But what frightened him was that the place he was on, what the bed was upon, was a floating chunk of land above an endless sea…there was no other land to be found. And in front of him, sitting on a big, plushy chair, looking up at the pure black sky, was…was himself.

"There's no stars left. All gone, all lost…too bad, really. I like looking at the stars, after all…" He grinned at Nick with eyes that had a dark tinge to them, something…not normal. "I AM you."

"Uh…"Nick hopped out of bed, rubbing his eyes. "This can't be real."

"Oh it's real. This is what'll happen to this world. The Big Crunch, all life, all existence pulled into the great void, the final end of all things! And then…KA-CRUNCH! Nothingness…and then it'll explode all over again, just like it did before back when He got the ball rolling. But I've said too much. You won't be around to see it. Nobody will, not if we have our way."

"We?" Nick asked, tilting his head slightly

"Those that oppose the Heavenly Host aren't just restricted to Hell. There are other figures that are…well, fracking tired of the whole cycle. We're tired of being limited to what they dare call "existence" and tired of being manipulated and USED without any respect. And, interestingly enough…" The other Nick grinned, pointing right at Nick. "Your power's something that can really and truly _break_ the cycle." His other self explained.

"My power? As the Game Master?"

"Correct!"

"But HOW?" Nick wanted to know. His other self raised a finger.

"Ah-ah-ah! I'm _not_ telling you! Do I look like a Bond villain? Suffice to say, I need you out of the way so that I can live a full life. Nothing REALLY personal-okay, that's not true. Fighting myself is as personal as it gets!" His other self laughed and then grinned in a frightening fashion.

"Too bad you left Hell so soon! You should have gotten used to it…because that's where I'm sending you!" With that, he held up his watch and snarled something harsh in a Satanic tongue. What appeared to be pure purple/black energy spread from the watch to cover his body, and Nick saw it EATING away at him! He almost rushed forward to help, but then saw the horrible truth…it was ripping apart the illusion that Nick had been seeing…his other self didn't look quite like him after all…

He was frightening, actually. His hair was pure white, that wasn't so bad, but his eyes…his eyes had no light, no SOUL in them. And…and they twinkled with a cruel light. Their irises were golden, and his mouth had very pearly white teeth that were almost sharpened into points. His skin was the color that had spread over him, that freaky purple/black mix, but tattoos covered his upper body in blood, real blood. Nick could only see them on his arms and his front chest though, he wore a pure black vest on his body and his pants were black as well. He was wearing dark purple sneakers and black socks, and…and he was wearing a necklace. Not Lilo's necklace, thank God, but something else, what appeared to be a crystallized orb of blood. The tattoo on the front of his body was written in Angelic script, and it was the symbol for "N" inversed. The watch on his wrist was almost identical to Nick's own, only it glowed bright red.

"By the way, you can call me Dark Nick, and I am gonna eat your dripping heart." His other self said in sort of cheerful matter-of-fact way.

**BGM: Bruises, by Unloco**

Nick looked down at his watch. He quickly hit the button combination for "Costumes" and transformed into his "Fighting Love" outfit. "Let's do this!" He shouted, rushing forward, throwing a punch. With glee, Dark Nick slammed his fist into Nick's shoulder just as Nick's punch almost reached his face. Nick was sent flying back and he skidded on the ground, staggering up. The wind was picking up…

"You're kind of weak." Dark Nick said. "You still haven't mastered that form yet…"

"KIYAAAHHH!" Nick shouted, jumping forward with a kick. Dark Nick simply jumped back and then, when Nick's foot hit the ground, he swung his fist, striking Nick in the face AGAIN. Nick fell to the ground, groaning.

_Pleeeaaaase leave me aloooooooone!  
For IIIIII…cannot let this goooooooo!  
It's the lie…that I live…  
Everything…that I give…_

"You're going to die." Dark Nick told Nick simply. Nick suddenly screamed.

_**"SHUT THE FUCK **__**UUUUUUUUPPPPP**__**!"**_

Dark Nick looked surprised as Nick stood up, singing softly.

_Pleeeeaaaase tell me that I have grooooooown!  
For IIIII…have bruises left to shoooooow!  
And I fall…in between…everything…let me see…_

Dark Link grinned and rushed forward. "THAT'S more like it!" He shouted, throwing punches at Nick, who kept jumping around, avoiding them. Dark Nick sang out as well as he punched.

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

Nick suddenly grabbed Dark Nick's arm and hurled him to the left, then jumped forward and kneed him in the stomach. Dark Nick let out an involuntary gasp of pain.

_'Cause I will never…let you knooooow!_

_Never know, never know, never know!_

Then he picked Dark Nick up and began to twirl him around and around. "LEMME GO!" Dark Nick shouted in fear.

_'Cause I will never…let you goooooo!  
_

_Let it go! Let it go! Let it goooooooooooooo!_

He finally DID, throwing Dark Nick into the bed. Dark Nick hit it hard and shouted in pain as his back nearly broke. He staggered up and then held up a single hand, and a bolt of energy shot through Nick's chest. Nick fell to his knees, coughing heavily. Dark Nick began to dance in victory, wiggling his butt. "S-U-C-C-E-S-S! That's the-huh?" Nick was…whispering something…

"Please…leave me alooooooone…"

He wasn't bleeding? What the?

"How? Unless you-?!?"

Suddenly he stood up and let loose a roar, a mighty cry that shook through the whole area. The wind ripped and roared mightily, the black hole was sucking in almost everything now! Nick's aura flared up through the air and sky, and suddenly it entered the black hole, ripping it apart from within, and everything exploded into a million points of light…

_Let me see, let me see, let me see, let me see…_

Suddenly there was nothingness all around…just…white. Dark Nick looked around. Where was?

Movement to his side!

_Let me see, let me see, let me see, let me see!_

A fist slammed into the side of his face, he'd moved too late.

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up!  
Let me see your bruises!_

_Come on, get up…_

_  
_"And let me see your **bruises**!"

With that last line, Nick did a mighty uppercut to Dark Nick's chin, and his dark side fell to the ground. In that moment, everything shattered, and a blinding flash of light filled Nick's senses…

He was back in bed, back at Valmont's mansion, and it was morning. And there, on the floor, was a panting him, but no longer looking fearful. Now he looked just like Nick did, only his eyes had that dark tinge to them.

"Not…not bad, you…you're worthy and ready! I'm…glad!"

He stood up, brushing himself off. "Good thing you DIDN'T lose! If you had, I would have died along with you."

"…wait, what?" Nick asked, surprised.

"I'm your dark side! Uh DUUUUH!" Dark Nick explained. "But that doesn't mean I'm EVIL! I need you to stay alive. Just like your light half needs you. If you go, we both fail to exist. I may have been forcibly evoked into existence by the forces of darkness, but I care more about self-preservation than I do about killing you."

"Oh, okay…I think I get it." Nick said, nodding.

Dark Nick nodded as well. "Just remember, evil is essentially parasitic. It NEEDS Pure Good to survive. Pure evil in itself is just good corrupted. However Light and Dark are elemental, and aren't always just aligned with good or evil. If I was a mere force of elemental might I could have killed you without worrying, but I'm not, I'm a part of you, and you NEED your parts of you. So take care. And uh, you need to figure out what to do about Jade."

Nick blinked stupidly. "What? What about Jade?"

Dark Nick smiled. "She's nice, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's sweet." Nick admitted.

"And **HOT**!" Dark Nick added, getting a nosebleed as an aura-presented image of Jade appeared in nothing but a bathing suit. Nick frowned and a moment later his own raimbow-like aura lashed out from his mood necklace, popping the little "bubble-image" that had been made.

"She's FRIENDLY." He said.

"And _**HOT**_!" Dark Nick said again. This time a picture came of her in the shower. Nick popped this one even quicker than LAST time!

"And UNDERSTANDING."

"But mostly _**HOT**_!" THIS time the picture was her taking off her bra. Luckily it didn't last more than two seconds.

"I _**HAVE**_ a girlfriend!" Nick snapped angrily. The mood necklace shot out a huge hammer made of aura, which whacked Dark Nick on the head, making his head swim and the image disappear. Getting the point, Dark Nick rubbed his head and regarded Nick silently as the teen glared in total disapproval at his dark side.

"…we'll talk later. But think about what I've said. Your light side will be here to talk with you in a few days or so…" With that, Dark Nick bowed, and then vanished slowly, fading away. Nick rubbed his eyes. "Okay…I feel REALLY wiped. I need a sugar burst. Hot Chocolate! Where do we keep the hot chocolate?"

Then he realized something. "Your light side will be here to talk with you in a few days or so…"

Now, his dark side had fought him. He'd kind of expected that…but what would his LIGHT side look like? Was this good…or bad? Being dark or being "light" didn't always mean being "evil" or "good" respectively. Some of the most evil people in the world had committed horrible acts of evil in the name of "the greater good".

Nick would have worried more, but then he felt a pang of hunger and immediately bolted down the stairs, heading to the kitchen to get a nice mug of hot chocolate. As he poured the mix into it he noticed that there was a cartoon on it…a middle-aged woman was smiling politely…a bit TOO politely. The caption above her read as such:

"Hmm…"This mug contains scalding hot coffee. If you make a sexist remark I will spill it on your crotch. Have a nice day."…this must be Mrs. Valmont's." Nick thought out loud, and put the kettle on.

About an hour later at Valmont's mansion, inside the kitchen, King explained the plan. Back at Uncle's shop, Captain Black explained THEIR plan, also in the kitchen.

"Now it is very, very simple. The Bell of the Heavens has been split…"

"Into 16 pieces. Which means…"

"We can divide our forces…"

"And ensure that it's kept out of the wrong hands. Jackie, you and I…"

"I shall be going to Hollywood with Mr. Valmont…"

"And Paco and El Toro can be going to Kansas…"

"Dai Gui, you and Ratso shall go together…"

"Viper and Uncle can handle…"

"New York awaits you, Tso Lan and Finn…"

"Torhu and Jade, Egypt's lovely this time of year…"

"Both Nick and the Sky Demon shall head over."

"And then we'll regroup…"

"And figure out who will be sent to where. Any…"

"Questions?"

There were none. Captain Black nodded. "Right. Remember everyone…"

"This is serious business." King insisted. "We cannot…"

"And we will not fail, not if we work together."

"All right, then…"

"Let's head out…"

"The world awaits us!"

HOLLYWOOD:

"The J-Team": Jackie Chan and Augustus Black

"King's Men": King and Julian Ellis Valmont

KANSAS:

"The J-Team": El Toro Fuerte and Paco

"King's Men": Dai Gui and Clancy Ratso

NEW YORK CITY:

"The J-Team": Viper and Uncle Chan

"King's Men": Tso Lan and Adam Finn

EGYPT:

"The J-Team": Tohru and Jade

"King's Men": Nick Grey and Hsi Wu

OPENING CREDITS!

(Scene opens to Nick on the hill from before.)

_Yeeeaaaaaaaah, oohhhh!_

(He grins and speaks at the camera, counting off in front of it.)

"One, two, three!"

(He gets up and flies through the air, over San Fran, laughing.)

_Yeeeaaaaaaaaah, ohh-ohh-ohh, woah-woah!_

(Scene cuts to Nick standing in the middle of two groups, Jackie and company and the Dark Hand and the Demons. Both are arguing at him to come over to THEIR side. He groans.)

_Wish I could make everybody happy,  
But so far it hasn't worked that way!  
Everybody has expectations,  
Oh yeah, oh yeah!_

(Scene cuts now to Jade and Sandi who pass each other in the hallways, slapping hands and walking off in different directions. Nick, Drago, The Sky Demon and the Fire Demon all go "ahhh" as they walk off.)

_If you're lookin' for picture perfect…  
I'm the girl who's gonna let-you-down!  
Everybody has expectations…  
Oh yeah, oh yeah!_

(Back to the arguing scene! Suddenly the earth cracks open and hellspawn crawl out. Nick slaps his forehead.)

_I'll be the one, the first to admit…that my life's under construction! Yeaaah…_

(He points at them. "CHARGE!" He shouts. Now we see Jackie and company kicking butt, with their names shown above each of them.)

_I know I'm God invention…  
He knows I need attention!  
Getting closer, closer everydaaaaay!  
Eeeeeveeeen with misconceptions…  
God knows my intentions!  
Getting closer,  
More like Him each daaay!  
God's not, God's not,  
God's not through with me yet! Through with me yet!_

(Raphael carries Richard on his back on a piggyback ride while Michael goes over some battle plans. Uriel is skinning an apple and glaring at Richard while Azrael watches calmly, gazing on in a sinister fashion. Gabriel suddenly sounds his horn, the camera zooms right in…)

_Every day that I live I'm learning…  
How your mercy can make me free!  
From all of my expectations,  
Oh yeah, oh yeah!_

(Back to the fighting scene. Nick points at the Dark Hand and the Demons. "Get 'em!" He shouts.)

_I'll be the one, the first to admit, that my life's under construction!  
Oh, oh yeah!_

(Now THEY'RE fighting as well, and their names are shown above each of them!)

_I know I'm God invention…  
He knows I need attention!  
Getting closer, closer everydaaaaay!  
Eeeeeveeeen with misconceptions…  
God knows my intentions!  
Getting closer,  
More like Him each daaay!  
God's not, God's not,  
God's not through with me yet! Through with me yet!_

(Now the scene cuts to Nick, alone, just outside of a church. He kneels down and picks up his grandpa's walking stick. He holds it close to himself and begins to speak.)

"Even though I may try to become what you want me to be…"

(He hears faint laughter.)

"When I am less, He is more, He is faithful completely…completely."

(He opens his eyes and looks to the heavens, closing his eyes again.)

_Even though I may try to become what you want me to be…yeah, yeah!  
When I am less, He is more He is faithful completely! _

(He begins to spin his stick, spinning it faster and faster…)

_Completely…_

_Completely!_

(Finally he jumps up into the air, going to the top of the church, addressing EVERYONE!)

"I know I'm God invention…  
He knows I need attention!  
Getting closer, closer everydaaaaay!"

(Jade and Sandi cheer and shout along!)

"Getting closer everyday!"

(Scene now cuts to Nick on a stage, singing into the mike with Sandi and Jade. Shin is on the bass, Richard on the guitar, King on the drums!)

_Eeeeeveeeen with misconceptions…  
God knows my intentions!  
Getting closer,  
More like Him each daaay!  
God's not, God's not,  
God's not through with me yet! Through with me yet!_

_God's not through with me!_

_God's not, God's not,  
God's not through with me yet! _

(Scene cuts back to the hill. Nick whistles and everyone lines up back to the hill that overlooks San Fran.)

_God's not through with me, yeeeeeetttt!_

_God's not through with me, yeeeeeetttt!_

(Nick grins and salutes yet again. The title of the story/show appears along with the words "SEASON THREE". Everyone makes a funny face as a camera clicks on the last note of the song.)


	26. Hollywood, Pt1

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

HOLLYWOOD, PT. 1

"Wow…"

"So THIS is Hollywood…"

"Wow…"

"Wow…"

"Wow."

"Woooow."

"Wooooowww!"

"So THIS is Hollywood."

"Oh, I did miss this place, there really is no place like it."

"…it's been a while since I was here."

"You were here in Hollywood?"

"Oh yes. I was here…but, heh…that was a long time ago…"

Jackie and Captain Black had arrived in Hollywood by helicopter and were now in the middle of West Hollywood, looking at the many beautiful buildings, the hundreds of people walking around, everything just was overwhelmingly pretty and beautiful. Hollywood…where people treat each other right.

However, it WAS West Hollywood, that was a fact that they couldn't escape.

Which meaaaant…

"Oh, hello sweetie!"

Jackie looked a bit flustered as a man wearing S&M style clothing with a black beret and large sunglasses walked up to him. He was walking a poodle. "How ya doing?"

"Uh…fine…"

"Welcome to West Hollywood! It's such a super fabulous day, isn't it?" The man said. He took his sunglasses off. His tone was so unbelievably "fabuloouuuus" that there wasn't a doubt in the mind of anyone listening that he was gay.

But Jackie HAD to ask.

"Uh…you're a…homosexual, right?"

"Sure thing, sweetie. I'm a fag, through and through. Name's John." He held out his hand. Jackie shook it, a bit unnerved by the man's giddiness.

It WAS though, West Hollywood, the center of the "Gayborhood" and called "Disneyland for Homosexuals". It was a "gay village", an undeniable fact.

"So…what's it like, being…um…you know…"

"Honey, just say it! We've learned to! You're not a hater, are you?"

"What? _No_!" Jackie insisted.

"Well if you really want to know how we feel, allow us all to tell you…in sooooong!"

**BGM: I'm Gay, by Bowling For Soup**

John suddenly pulled out a guitar from seemingly nowhere, and he grinned, playing it with gusto. "Honey, this f—king song is all personality!"

A large crowd of people suddenly rushed out onto the street to see the whole thing, and three other homosexual people popped up behind John. One grinned at his playing.

"Dude, that's the s—t!"

One went on bass guitar, one on drums, another on a different guitar and John on lead guitar. Someone put a microphone stand in front of them with some amps and they got underway! One, two, three, four!

_Well we've all heard about how the guys in the band  
weren't the popular kids in schooooool…  
And now you hate your parents 'cause of the way you turned out,  
But in the end the blame's on you!_

_And we all sympathize with your torn-apart heart, _

_and your really artistic worldly views!  
It sells records when you're sad these days, _

_it's super cool to be mad these days!_

John's friend Ryan spoke up. "I think rock and roll is really funny when it's seriouuuus!"

_Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!  
Don't hate us 'cause we're beautifuuuuul!  
Don't hate us if we make you smile!  
Or if we go…the extra mile…  
To make someone feel better on a really shitty day,  
And if you're hearing what I'm saying then I want you to say…_

"_I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)  
Say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)_

The crowd began to dance around, whooping and hollering. Jackie looked at Black, who shrugged. It was like Nick said…go with it!

John "ah-hemed". "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"

Ryan spoke up now. "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"

"New guys? You wanna join in?"

"Uh…okay." Jackie said.

"Sure." Black said.

"It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"

"It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!" They recited after John.

"Very Nice. _Very Nice_."

_Don't hate us 'cause we're happy! Don't hate us 'cause you're miserablllllle!  
Don't hate us if we make you smile, or if we go the extra mile…  
To make someone feel better on a really shitty day  
And if you're hearing what I'm saying then  
I want to hear you say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)  
Say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)_

John beamed at Jackie and Black as the crowd cheered and hollered at a very loud and ecstatic level.

"That's right, sweeties! Cheer up! You don't have to be sad anymore! You don't have to be mad anymore! We can all join hands and do ring around the rosy, honey! In fact, can we can get some "La la"s up in here?"

Ryan sang out. "It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days! I think rock and roll is really funny when it's seriouuuuus!"

"Yo, where my "La la"s at!?!" John asked.

The crowd suddenly joined hands and rocked back and forth, singing.

_La la-la la, la-la la-la  
La la la la…  
La la-la la, la-la la-la  
La la la la…  
La la-la la, la-la la-la  
La la la la…  
La la-la la, la-la la-la  
La la la la…  
__La la-la la, la-la la-la…_

Eventually the song ended, and the crowd let out a final whoop before dispersing and heading back to where they'd been, including the band members.

Jackie stood there, mouth slightly open, blinking a few times. "_Right_." Captain Black said once all had calmed down enough. He held up one of his credentials, a police badge that glittered in the sun. "Name's Captain Black. I'm-"

"_**Oh**_!" John suddenly looked very scared. He flatted himself against a nearby telephone pole. "Don't hit me! I didn't mean to kick that abortion clinic woman! She just got me so mad and…and please don't arrest me for assault! And I swear, I had nothing to do with that bombing at Planned Parenthood! That was Larry! I'll tell you everything, he's this red-headed cable guy…"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Captain Black said. "Relax! I'm just looking for a piece of an artifact that might have touched down in Hollywood."

John blinked a few times. "Touched down? You mean like a meteor "touches down", that kind of touching down? Or the other-"

"The meteor touching down."

John smiled. "Oh, then I can help you with that…and the other touching down, I can help you with-"

"I'm not gay."

"Oh, okay...well finding what you're looking for is no problem!..." He hesitated. "Well…actually…there's kind of a problem…it landed up somewhere you're not supposed to approach."

"Where's that?" Black asked.

John pointed across Hollywood Boulevard. His finger was pointing straight at a large white word that was spelled out in big white letters on a huge hill that overlooked all of Hollywood. The Hollywood Sign.

Jackie thanked the man and walked off. "Ohh, bad day, bad day. How are we going to get up there? We'll need clearance from security."

"I'm with Section 13. We have more clearance than **GOD**."

"You can't go up."

"WHAT!?!"

The mayor of West Hollywood simply wouldn't let them up to the sign. He shook his head as he sat behind his desk. "Look, that area is off limits! To EVERYONE! Not even someone with your level of clearance can go in! The entire city's under a lot of stress at the moment and-"

"From what?"

The mayor sighed deeply, brushing his comb over back. "Look, there have been…attacks…retaliation, we believe, for San Fran. Many have died and people are being blamed…minorities. Minorities like…gay people and it's like the wrath of some unseen force is punishing us for the vices we've engaged in here."

"Okay, okay, we understand, we will…just take our leave." Jackie said. He and Captain Black began to walk out of the office.

"**WAIT**!" The mayor called out.

They turned around.

"Look, I…to tell the truth, I want to let you go up there. But there's so much that could go wrong, and I need some security, some assurance that the violence will settle. If you could reduce it in some way, I'd…be happy to let you go up there."

"Reduce it how?" Captain Black asked.

The mayor pulled out a folder from his desk and tossed it to Jackie, who caught it with one hand and opened it up. "That's the local abortion clinic, "Planned Parenthood" of West Hollywood. It's large, popular and friendly and has been under attack by snipers and bombers for a long time. Now the attacks are getting worse. A violent pro-life group named the "Christians Outraged at Child Killers" are continuing to not only protest outside Planned Parenthood and throw the occasional rock and brick at the clinic and its workers, but they will also…"

"Resort to more hostile measures." Black finished. "Well, if we do something about them, will you let us up to that sign?"

"But of course." The mayor said. "To be truthful, I…I plan to…to marry someone there. And I worry for her safety. So I have a…personal reason. Will you do this?"

Jackie and Black looked at each other, then nodded.

"Mr. Mayor…count on us." Black said.

MEANWHILE…BACK AT SAN FRAN…

Mr. Ernest Goldberg was not having a good day. Again.

There were eighteen bazillion reporters in the museum and in his office, all asking if there was any sort of connection between the various attacks that had been taking place and the theft and later on destruction of a golden bell the museum had acquired. He usually answered this questions with "No comment", but had eventually gotten fed up.

Having locked the front door at his house, he heard someone banging on it. MORE newsies. Luckily, thanks to some time spent surfing the net, he'd found inspiration in an online story written by a "Magus253"…

He wrenched the door open, jumped out, and waved his hands wildly in the air, sticking his tongue out and making his eyes go round and round as he wore a fake wig. "BLAH! I'M THE EVIL DR. WILY! RUN BEFORE MY ROBOTS EAT YOU!"

BAM! ROWR!

A cat promptly whacked him in the face. The old lady holding onto said cat walked back to her other "pretties" that were in a shopping cart, looking satisfied. "See babies? I TOLD you that eventually it would work!"

Mr. Goldberg wished he could go play on his fishing boat. He really liked his boat.

Elsewhere…

"I could…no…or maybe…no…"

Nick was pacing up and down. What to do, what to do? He knew deep down that he ought to tell the others about what had happened to him…I mean, it wasn't often that you fought with YOURSELF…or beat the crap out of yourself in doing so!

But then again, didn't everyone have enough to deal with?

"Maybe…ohhhh! Darn it, darn it, darn it!" Nick groaned, banging his head against the wall. Sandi walked in, and blinked stupidly. "Uh…like, what on EARTH are you doin'?"

"Oh, just banging my head against the wall until the world makes sense!" Nick almost yelled.

"Well, that'll take years." Sandi said calmly. "Now come on little Nicky! Let's go play a game!"

Nick blinked. "What kind of game?" He asked in a slightly stupid tone of voice.

MEANWHILE…

"One, two, three, now!"

"BABY-KILLERS, BABY-KILLERS, MOTHERF—KING BABYKILLERS! YOU SIN AGAINST THE WORLD, YOU ARE SINNING AGAINST GOD!"

"Keep shouting! Let that message sink in! God is with us! Death to the baby-killers!"

Jackie and Captain Black watched from outside of a nearby bar as a HUGE crowd of angry-looking women and men jumped up and down, spat, swore and shouted anti-abortion slogans, tossing in lots of references to "God's word" and using the phrase "baby-killers" over and over again.

Black rubbed his eyes. "This might take some serious work." He said. "But we've got to do it." Jackie said. "We can't let ourselves be afraid."

"Hey there, sexy!" A tough-looking, bearded, sweaty, jacketed biker said, walking up to Jackie. "Man, have you got such a tight ass! I'd love to buy you a drink at-"

"We would love to talk but we have to go now thank you!" Jackie said quickly, dragging Captain Black outside of the bar.

They were about to walk right into the clinic when someone pointed at them. "HEY! Where do think you're going?"

Jackie blinked. "To talk to the nice people inside." He said simply.

"You two a couple?" A redneck-looking red-haired cable guy asked. He was wearing shorts. Pink shorts. And he had a "Juicy" t-shirt on.

"Uh, no…" Jackie said, sweat-dropping.

"Betcha you are! F-ggots!"

"F-GGOTS!"

"Okay, it has been very nice talking to you but we have to go now." Jackie and Black walked inside the abortion clinic, where a frazzled-looking secretary was looking out the window. She had a black eye and blue glasses and brown hair. She didn't look like she'd been sleeping well.

"How can I help you?" She asked in as nice a tone as she could muster. "You're not with the protestors are you? One time they came in here and I had to take an axe to 'em."

Jackie looked a bit scared of her, but spoke. "Uh, we've been sent by the mayor to talk to-"

"Mayor McDaniels? Oh, he's such a sweetie! He and I are dating!"

"Oh, so YOU'RE the one he was talking about." Jackie realized.

"Oh, he talked about me? That is so sweet-oh, uh…I mean…you're here to do something about those rioters outside? We keep getting aggravated all the time, and the police never really seem to be able to keep them away…one came in with a chainsaw, a CHAINSAW! Heh…_but I took care of him_!"

"HEY! BABY-KILLERS!"

"Uh oh, one of 'em's got a brick!" The secretary shouted.

The window in front of them looked new, which was too bad, because a moment later a brick came sailing through it. Jackie reacted quickly, jumping up and kicking it back out. It struck the man who threw it on the knee and he howled, jumping up and down.

"Hey a--hole! What do you think you're doing?!?" Someone shouted, and a bunch of people in the crowd moaned.

"Stopping you from hurting innocent people!" Jackie shouted back.

"Go back to your homes!" Captain Black shouted. "What you're doing is illegal! You're disturbing the peace, destroying public property, there's an assault charge on the one who threw the brick…"

"HEY! BABY-KILLERS!" Someone suddenly shouted.

The crowd parted, revealing a man standing there with what was obviously a shotgun. The secretary dove down under her desk. Jackie and Black gasped.

"Abort **this**." He snarled, cocking the gun.

Meanwhile, far away, also in West Hollywood…

Valmont and King had ALSO arrived by helicopter. But their experience in Hollywood was very different…

"Bloody hell!" Valmont swore as he tore down the street with King right behind him. "Get back here you little sodding wanker!"

Someone had stolen his wallet from out of his back pocket, but now he was chasing the guilty party down, utterly furious. Valmont looked SCARY when he was mad, his blue eyes narrowed in hate, features twisted angrily, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles looked ready to burst, and he was grinding his teeth. King shook his head. "I wish they wouldn't run." He said. He was still wearing his cloak, but now the hood was up. Yeah, he looked weird, but this was Hollywood. Weird was pretty common here.

The kid vanished into a nearby alley across from a warehouse. Valmont leapt up into the air, grabbed the side of the alley and twisted into it, flying through the air and landing right on the kid, piling on him. He pulled the wallet from the kid's hands and stood up, spitting. "Gotcha, ya c—k sucking little prig! And don't you ever take my bleeding wallet from me, you got that?!?"

"You care too much for money." King said as the kid ran down the alley, screaming. Valmont dusted himself off. "Hey, unlike you, good sir, I value the power of-"

"Wait…" King held up his hand. "I sense something…something with a great miasma of evil…in that warehouse." They snuck up to the window and listened in, peeking through curtains that had been put up.

"So that's the plan?"

"Yeah, those protestors are going to launch a suicide bombing attempt tomorrow. Once the clinic has been blasted to smithereens, then the 1st part shall be in place. And best of all, that Jackie Chan and Augustus Black shall be blown up as well."

"Ha-ha-ha! What fools they were, thinking they could stop us! And those anti-abortion idiots are almost as dumb. Pretty good charismatic work, Lillith, that piece of s—t tear jerker you told them when we got here sure got the job done."

"Well, hypnotic charms are my thing."

"You've got to teach ME how to manipulate hearts by voice alone…"

"You need a sexy body, honey. Like mine. I mean, you look like a kid…"

"Well anyway, I've heard that they sent Mammon over to Transylvania, he's got contacts there."

"Are they trustworthy?"

"Yeah, and hot! Only one of them's kind of…well…"

"Oh, I know who you're talking about! Yeah, Aleera's had kids."

"I didn't know she was expecting."

"Helloooo? You saw her last week at her husband's castle! Did you think her stomach stuck out like that naturally?"

"…"

"Oh f—k. _What_ did you say to her?"

"Uh…well, I'd first like to point out that Jenny Craig's probably a very common name…"

Valmont gasped. "W-who are those things?"

"Lillith, Lord Demon of Lust. Leviathan, Lord Demon of Envy. And that small child is Satan, Lord Demon of Wrath." King told him in a horrified yet furious tone. "Their kind disgusts me to the core. They seem to have no shame at all in the things they do, and if they do feel any, they certainly don't show it."

The three demons were all standing inside the warehouse, pointing at a map and talking excitedly. Valmont furrowed his brow in thought.

"It sounds like they're planning to blow up an abortion clinic." Valmont said. He had no real opinion either way about abortion itself. He just stayed out of political issues and such. "But hmm…Jackie Chan and Augustus Black in danger, now that's a reason-"

"TO get involved. I will not allow my chosen to be harmed if I can help it. Nor will I allow such a travesty to take place under my watch." King cracked his knuckles. "We're going to need to help them out-"

"Sir, sir!"

A huge group of men carrying automatic weapons, okay, totally LOADED with automatic weapons, came into view. They approached Satan. "We just received word that the demon you were worried about, that "King" thing, is here, with a Mr. Valmont. He's right here in West Hollywood."

Lillith groaned. "Oh, I'm so depressed."

"Want some rebound sex?" Satan asked. Lillith immediately perked up. "Woohoo! Alright, I'll go get the stuff. But this time YOU have to be the Blair Witch B---h and _**I**_ get to use the whip!"

Valmont blinked. "What the?" The guards...their eyes had briefly flashed **red**. Strange.

"They've signed their souls away!" King gasped. "We'll never be able to outfight all of them, we've got to get-"

Suddenly there was an ENORMOUS chill that rippled through their bodies, piercing their very souls and hearts. Valmont let loose a rasping breath. "W-what?"

King gulped. "I…I feel…such…darkness…"

"Are you two planning on going somewhere and not inviting **me**? Now that's just darn rude! Is that any way to treat a good friend?" A friendly yet…somehow deadly voice suddenly said.

The two slowly turned their heads behind them, where a man in white armor with a long cape stood staring at them. "Why leave now? We can't start this party here without _**you**_…"

"Oh, bloody hell!" Valmont swore. "Caught!" King pushed Valmont to the side and as the figure swung his sword down caught the blade. The good mage's palms bled slightly, leaking down onto the ground, drops of bright red blood that glinted in the sun.

"You're being awfully annoying, getting in our way like this." Lucifer told them. "But I, Lucifer, Lord Demon of Pride and Body of the Devil, did not endure what I did to lose to a simple-"

"KIYAAAH!" Valmont suddenly jumped up and kicked him in the helmet. He fell back, groaning. Valmont grabbed King's arm and tugged hard, and the two ran down the alleyway. Lucifer whistled quickly and a large group of heavily-armed men appeared. "GET THEM." He demanded, pointing in their direction.

Our two "heroes" tore down the alley. King suddenly whipped around, facing them with his arms stretched towards them. "GO! I shall stall them as long as I can!" He told Valmont. Valmont looked a bit concerned, then bolted. King narrowed his eyes as the guards raced towards him.

"Die, freak!" One shouted, pulling a grenade out. King grinned wildly. "I'm not dying today, fool. FIRAGA."

A huge burst of flame belched forth from his hands, a large fireball that flew out, striking between the men and exploding. Then jets of flames shot up from the ground that the fireball had hit, and whatever guards had survived were toasted. The air was filled with the stickiness of intense heat.

"I hate it when they make this hard…" King lamented. "Signing their souls and lives away…"

"Get him!"

"What the?" King looked up above him just as a net fell on him. He fell to the ground, groaning, it was a weighted net. He tried to get up, but when he did, it shocked him. "Like it?" Satan asked, hovering down over him. "Magical capture spell, net-style. Little something-something I cooked up for mages like you."

King swore violently.

"Ooh, such harsh words! Ah, relax. Look!" Satan said, pointing.

King turned his head and saw an almost unconscious, whacked-over-the-head Valmont being dragged towards him by Lucifer. "You're in good company, noble magus." The Lord Demon of Pride said.

King groaned. "I hope my chosen are having better luck than I am!"

"I hope my Sandi's having better luck than I am…" Valmont muttered.

Speaking of which…

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do."

Sandi had invited some school chums, Jade included actually, to her house. Nick was also there, humming a DDR tune nonchalantly. They were all in the hallway, in front of four hall closets that were lined up next to one another. "We're going to play "7 Minutes in Heaven" but with a twist…" She held up three blindfolds. "Ta-da! Like, wow, huh?"

"Like wow?" Shendu asked.

"Like wow!" Sandi repeated. "Anyhow, come on! Don't be shy! See, how it works is like, totally simple and stuff! I'll put mine on first and someone has to come in with me! But it's randomly chosen and I won't know because I'm in the closet, get it?"

"Uh…alright…"

Sandi put her blindfold on and Nick held the door open for her, leading her in. He closed it. "All right, this feels weird." Nick admitted.

"It's okay. It's harmless." Jade insisted. "So, who's going to be-"

"I'll go in." Shendu immediately said. Before anyone could stop him he went into the closet and serious kissing could be heard. The Sky Demon's eyes widened and Nick went "wooooo". Hao smiled broadly.

"Uh…okaaaay…" Jade commented. She did NOT want to be in the closet with Hsi Wu, or in the closet at all. Although…then again, being in with Nick wouldn't be so bad…

"Okay, we'll have to separate into different groups to make sure this is done fairly." Nick told them. He split the group in half. "You guys, you pick a girl. We pick a guy."

Jade was picked and went into the closet reluctantly. Who would go in with her?

Well, as it were, at that moment, Nick and Hsi Wu also went into closets, along with three others…

Silence for a few moments. A brief kiss or two.

Tense silence. And then…

"**SWEET JESUS HOLY CHRIST!!!"  
**

"WAAAAUUUUGGGHHH**!!!" **

"Woah!"

"_EWWWWWW!!!"_

MEANWHILE…

"DUCK!" Jackie shouted, pulling Black down. The shotgun blast sailed over their heads, singing their backs slightly. Jackie suddenly jumped out the window and into the streets, with Black right behind. "That's it! I won't let you destroy this clinic!" He said. "If you have an issue with abortion that's one thing, but endangering people's lives…"

"They're baby-killers and deserve to die!" The man, who was the redneck from before, snarled. "I may be a redneck f-ggot, but I'll be godd-mned if I let those stinking baby-killers do their so-called job! It's an abomination against God!"

"I thought that in the Bible homosexuality was also something of a sore-"

That did it. The man rushed at him, brandishing the shotgun like a club. He tried to bring it down on Jackie, but Jackie jumped back, kicking off the ground. He flipped in the air and landed on his hands, then did a handstand kick, spinning around and striking the man right in the face. He then jumped up into the air and landed right on the man, who let out a "WOAUGH" and dropped the gun. Black rushed over and grabbed the gun, firing it into the air. "DISPERSE, NOW!" He shouted.

"Not so fast!"

They all turned and looked and saw MORE anti-abortionists approaching, all with baseball bats, hockey sticks and other hands-on instruments of clinical destruction. "Siding with a baby-killer makes you a baby-killer!"

"Oh boy." Jackie said. The secretary poked her head up from the desk. "Where'd I put it?" She wondered out loud. "Where is it?"

"Let's get 'em, boys!" The leader of the crowd shouted. Black tossed the shotgun at him and it broke his nose. He went down, crying. "Ow! You jerk!" He moaned, fading into unconsciousness. The crowd rushed forward…

And so did Jackie. Black hung back and watched as Jackie went wild. A man tried to slam a hockey stick on Jackie, but the brave oriental ducked and delivered a quick one-two punch to him, then grabbed his arm and threw him into a small group of men who had pulled knives. They all fell to the ground, groaning. Another man attacked him, screaming "F—king die, chink!". Angered by this, Jackie slammed his fist into the man's face, and the crunch of bones told him he'd hit pay dirt. The man went down, cheekbone broken.

Not merely content with knives, one guy had grabbed a frickin' CHAINSAW. He held it above his head, screaming "Goongala" over and over. He rushed at Jackie, who ducked down and swept his leg, tripping the man. The chainsaw flew through the air, still activated, going up, up…Jackie kicked it away from hitting the man and instead of hitting him, it stuck in the chest of another protestor who was wielding a baseball bat. She went down, screaming. Jackie made an "Oh, come ON" face, and then rushed back into the fray.

Black decided to get involved. He jumped up into the air, feet hitting a rapid anti pro-choice protestor who had pulled a gun. The protestor fell down, cursing. Black grabbed the gun and whipped it up. "NOBODY move." He said to a group that closed in on him. "I said don't move!" "DIE, PIG!" One shouted, holding a hammer high. BAM! A good shot to the ear put him down. "He hit Buddy! Come on, girls!" One butch-looking man shouted, rushing forward. This time a bullet through the forehead did the trick for all of the guys that rushed forward.

Jackie jumped up and kicked a man square in the chin. His head came flying off. "Oh, you gotta be KIDDIN' me!" He complained. "How on Earth did that-"Suddenly a gun cocked next to his ear. Jackie turned and came face to face with a furious protestor who was foaming at the mouth. "How dare you try to stop the will of God! We've been told by God's angels himself that our cause is righteous!" "Killing innocent people is not righteous." Jackie told him, not frightened so much as tense. Then he saw a familiar, friendly face right behind the anti-abortionist.

"Just die, baby-killer! Die-die-"

"You first." Jackie said, ducking. The man lowered the gun and his head slightly to hit Jackie with his gun…

KABLAM! A shot through the middle of his neck sent him to the ground, gasping in a death rattle that sent blood and bits of bone flying from his mouth. Black dusted himself off. The anti-abortionists were all looking at them like they were demons from Hell.

"I said return to your homes." Black said. "You made us to use force. As Commander of Section 13-"

"THEY'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The secretary shouted. Jackie and Black looked up and saw she had a f—king machine gun!

"Where'd you get THAT?"

"Oh! Oops! Sorry." She apologized, throwing it away. "Hold on, the darn thing is plumb out of ammunition. Lemme get the other."

She lifted up her skirt.

(ABOUT TEN SECONDS PASS)

**SFX**: KA-BOING! (Eyes popping open)

Jackie's hands went to his mouth, repressing a retch. Captain Black gasped.

"That's pretty gross!" The redneck from earlier remarked.

A would-be sniper in a nearby building saw the whole thing and gave a big grin, leaning out to get a closer look, dropping his gun out the window…with him still attached. Ouch. See? There IS justice in this world!

"I'm tired of it all! Every day they keep coming back and back! Well if I kill them all off now they won't come back!" She ranted, laughing insanely. She had totally lost it. Her face was as wild as any of the protestors had been.

Jackie turned to Black. He knew the gun was out of bullets. "Captain Black, I think we should-"

"My thoughts exactly. On the count of three." He put his back towards the woman, and Jackie stood in front. "One…two…three…"

"Hey, move out of the way so I can waste these pro-choice c—ksuckers!" The woman snarled angrily.

"NOW!" Black shouted, suddenly getting on his knees and holding up both hands together in front of him. Jackie jumped off the hands and as he did Black flattened himself on the ground. Jackie kicked off of him and flew through the air, foot extended fully. It collided with the woman's chest and her machine gun was askewed, but it went off, firing bullets into the ceiling, sending plaster everywhere. A large chunk fell off, and as Jackie stepped off of the woman it struck her in the chest, and she let out some nasty cursing before dying. Jackie shivered and closed her eyes, turning to Black.

"Captain Black, I…I think we've done enough." He said.

Suddenly the leader of the pro-life group, who had been knocked out early, woke up. "Ohh…my HEAD…what hit me? Wait…where am I? Where are the angels?"

Black approached him. "What angels?" He asked.

"The ones who approached us. They said that God wanted us to blow up the abortion clinic…"

"Oh, about that…we lied."

Black and Jackie and the surviving protestors looked up above the clinic at the rooftop. There was a cruel-looking child with angelic wings and a body tattoo, who had a cruel smirk. "I am actually not an angel. I'm Satan, Lord Demon of Wrath and I am an Avatar of the Devil, specifically I'm the Heart of the Devil. If you'd succeeded and done your jobs in blowing up the abortion clinic with those two party-crashers in it, then some lovely innocent lives would have been ruined. When a innocent gets killed…ah, it just makes me smile."

"You sick monster!" Jackie shouted.

Satan threw back his head and laughed in a silvery fashion. "Yes, yes, call me what you want! Strike me down if you can! It doesn't matter, they didn't do their job. It's not a problem though. You see, our main goal is to kill you and get those "reformed" demons taken care of. And now we can. You see…" Satan grinned. "We captured your little friends Valmont and King. They found out about our plans and were going to stop them. We couldn't have that, so…now they're going to die. And if you want them to live, you'll have to come..." Satan tossed Jackie a small wad of paper. Jackie caught it in one hand.

"There. TONIGHT. 9 PM. And don't bother bringing help, we've got the place loaded with guards! Ha-ha-ha! And since they signed their souls away, they're willing to do ANYTHING!" With a giggle, Satan vanished in a burst of brimstone and fire. Jackie un-wadded the paper and it revealed a "grand opening" of a big family theme park based off of a Chinese emperor's palace. It was located in Central Hollywood, and looked very impressive. A crudely drawn picture of Valmont and King tied up and saying "Help" was drawn on the back.

"We've got to go save them." Jackie said.

Black rubbed his chin. "I agree with you. But before we can do that, we've got to get help. We can't just go in alone."

Jackie looked puzzled. "But who can help us?" He wanted to know. "I thought the secretary said the police had their hands full."

"Jackie the cops aren't the only bad boys in Hollywood." Captain Black took in a deep breath. "There's only one group that can help us now…" He said quietly, looking at the ground.

He then looks up, and looks directly at YOU. That's right, **YOU**.

"And I know _just_ where to find them…"

He grabbed Jackie's shoulder.

"Come on, Jackie. We've got to get going to Wilshire Boulevard, and FAST!"

**Author's Note:**

**And so it begins, the worldwide tour around the world to find the bell pieces! And romance is developing back home! Who kissed who? And what IS at Wilshire Boulevard? Find out...next time!**


	27. Hollywood, Pt2

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

HOLLYWOOD, PT. 2

"Here we are, 5757 Wilshire Boulevard."

"Oh…my." Jackie gasped.

"Jackie, I want you to meet some good friends of mine. First of all…the president of the Screen Actor's Guild, Alan Rosenberg."

A Jewish-looking man with long, curly brown hair shook hands with Captain Black. "It's an real pleasure to meet you again, Augustus. Now I understand you need our help?"

"Some of me and Jackie's…" Black motioned his head at Jackie, who stood there in the main hall of the Screen Actor's Guild taking it all in. "…friends are in danger. SERIOUS danger."

"We'll do all we can to help." Alan Rosenberg said.

"Uh…who is "we"?" Jackie asked.

Alan whistled with two fingers. "ROLL CALL! Screen Actors Guild, assemble!"

"Alec Baldwin! Greatest actor of all time!"

"Reese Witherspoon! Sexy and charming actor who can sweet talk ANYONE!"

"Johnny Depp! Handsome actor of many talents!"

"Orlando Bloom! Expert action star with the power of pinpoint archery and expert sword skills!"

"Al Pacino! Toughest and roughest gangster of Hollywood who never runs outta ammo!"

"Tony Shaloub! Scene Analysis Expert and Smartest Member of SAG!"

"Angelina Jolie! Kick-ass action star with a license to thrill…AND kill."

"Ben Affleck! Handsome actor with the ability to sense things no normal man can!"

"Leonardo DiCaprio! Hot and sexy heartthrob who's the best gunman in Hollywood!"

"And now…" Rosenberg said. "Meet our newest member, who we recently drafted for his performance in "The Departed"…an up-and-coming, all around ace actor…"

A blond-haired man stepped out. He had a big, kinda cocky grin too.

"Oh WOW!" Jackie gasped. He'd seen ALL of their movies! And unfortunately, although he couldn't ever tell Jade, he'd seen "Team America: World Police", and so he knew about…

"Matt Day-muhn!" He couldn't stop himself. It just slipped out. He immediately covered his mouth as Matt Damon's grin vanished to be replaced with an icy stare.

"Sorry about that." Black said.

"Yes, I am very-" Jackie began to say.

"No, I…I get it." Damon said sadly. "I…I've gotten such heat from that dumb movie, I thought that "The Departed" would change it…maybe I was wrong."

"No, I loved that movie!" Jackie told him. "The themes of how higher powers play with the lives of those lower then them is-"

Damon smiled. "Relax! I'm not really mad. Trey and Matt are friends of mine. They just did the "Matt Day-muhn" thing because the puppet of me came out looking like a retard. I'm not angry at Matt and Trey, they're my friends."

"I wonder what Trey and Matt are really like?" Jackie thought.

"Well maybe you'll get to meet them. They're in Central Hollywood tonight, visiting and looking for new celebrities to make fun of." Damon told them. "They do that a lot."

"Anyway, we're certainly glad to be able to help out anyone who's a friend of Alan's." Alec Baldwin said.

"We all believe in the power of using our acting to make the world a better place by being good role models." Al Pacino said.

"Yeah, we get asked for more autographs than the Justice League." Angelina Jolie said.

"There IS a Justice League?" Jackie wondered.

"We've got a good plan." Rosenberg said. "It's called the Kansas City Shuffle. It's when everybody looks right and you go left. All we need is to get everybody to look right, and we're golden, get it?"

Jackie didn't get it, but he pretended he did, nodding. "Well, I we just hope we can get to our friends in time." Jackie said. "I'm very worried for their safety. They might be being horribly tortured right now!"

MEANWHILE, AT THE THEME PARK PALACE…

"So…read any good books lately?"

"I've been reading some of "C.S. Lewis" as a matter of fact. "Surprised by Joy" was a lovely little book."

"Oh, it is, it is! Too bad I can't read it out loud to my friends down in Hell."

Bartimaeus, the djinn Nick had met from before, was guarding them. He was still shown as an Egyptian boy, and still very friendly. Valmont and King were locked up within a cell that had iron bars. At least, that's what it appeared to be. The whole thing was a magical barrier that kept them from getting out and anyone who wasn't authorized from coming in.

"Bart" was sitting in a chair, leaning back slightly. Valmont was sitting on the ground, a bit…okay, VERY peeved…at the whole deal, and King sat Indian-style, simply meditating and trying to remain calm.

Valmont raised an eyebrow. "How come you can't read it out loud?"

"Don't you know? Down in Hell you can't mention anyone holy, and C.S. Lewis…"

"Talks quite a lot about God, right, right. I forgot, my mistake."

Bart brushed his long, fine black hair back. "You seem pretty nice for a former villain. And I've heard about King. He's got honor. **That** I respect."

"I didn't think demons could respect honor."

Bart sighed. "How many times must I explain this? Julian, Julian, Julian…" He said, admonishingly. "I'm not a demon. I'm a djinn. I am a creature with more fire and wind within me than that of darkness. A djinn is more like a neutral spirit than a dark spirit the way most demons and devils are. And angels and guardian spirits are those who follow the light."

"…I see, I see. Tell me, how do you…come into existence? Where do your kind come from?"

"More often than not, we require the spark of life that the imagination of humanity brings forth. The moment we are thought of, that spark becomes a shining light, which then gives birth to our selves. All humans have the spark of life, it comes from the soul. And since the soul is constantly replenishing itself, a little piece of it taken from a human or two is no big deal…"

"So you come from humans."

"Yes, ironic in a way, because many of us are so willing to destroy and subvert those that gave them life. Of course, we wouldn't exist at all if not for the Father, the Creator. If he hadn't given anyone any souls, then we wouldn't be around. Plus I've met him."

"You have?"

"Oh yes. He's really a very lovely person. Nicest guy around. Kind of eccentric too, big sense of humor."

"Oh really? How's that?"

"Why, simply three things my friend. The platypus, the penis and my favorite, intercourse."

"Sex is a joke?" Valmont asked, a bit surprised and put off.

"EVERYWHERE it's a joke." King said suddenly, breaking off from his repetition of the word "Ohm".

"True, true. You should see your faces. Come on, I mean, when it's getting really good, you're all "Ha-huuhh-huhh…ha-huhh-HMM!-HMM-HAHMMM!" And all "Hoh-Hoh, WOOHOO! OH YEAH, BABY-WOAAAAH!!!". The whole thing is simply hilarious!"

"Well I always did wonder about the platypus." Valmont admitted.

Suddenly King began to sing! "Oh, I'm not the one who's so far away, when I feel the snakebite enter my vei-eins!"

"Uh…please don't sing." Valmont begged. Bartimaeus nodded. "Yes, it's…creepy…"

"That's the point." King hissed gently, eyes gleaming. "Mummy!" Valmont thought. But King stopped all the same. Letting a sigh of relief out, Valmont then continued the conversation. "What about the mosquito?"

"It got put on Earth as a direct way to punish people for the everyday little sins they do. If more people realized that they'd stop trying to rush to the confessional every time they see a woman's boobs or dare to think about having sex with men or the occasional time they forget to return a book."

"…you're a very interesting djinn." Valmont said. "I think I like you."

Bart grinned slightly. "I've enjoyed this conversation. I really hope they don't order me to kill you."

Valmont chuckled wryly. "Well I hope so too…I have a daughter waiting for me back home…"

MEANWHILE, BACK IN SAN FRAN…

"Oh God, oh God, oh GOD!" Nick was scrubbing his mouth out with soap in the kitchen, spitting out little bubbles. Hsi Wu was too, as was Bai Tsa. "That was DISGUSTING! Incest! Incesssst!" "It wasn't only disgusting for just you, brother!"

Xiao Fung still had a big grin on his face. It wouldn't come out. And as for Shendu and Sandi, when they came out…

"Like…wow."

"Like wow."

Nick tossed a glance at Xiao. At first it was disgust, but he was also obviously confused. He wasn't completely sure how he felt. Jade touched his shoulder. She'd gotten Hao, who was a good kisser. "Hey, it's okay. It happens sometimes."

Nick shivered at her touched and looked into her golden eyes. "T-thanks…"

She blushed immediately and looked away. "It's, uh, it's not that big of-of a deal, Nicholas."

Normally Nick didn't like people using his full first name, but for some reason he didn't want to object.

Not…not this time.

"Uh, so um…maybe we should play a different game." Jade suggested quietly.

Sandi poked her head in. "Hey guys! Come on! We've got Dance Dance Revolution going on in the basement, I already set it up and everything!"

"That works!" Nick said, beaming. "I LOVE that game! I'll bring down the hizzouse!"

As everyone headed downstairs, suddenly Hsi stopped in his tracks. His shoulder angel and shoulder devil had appeared again.

"You wanted her to kiss you, didn't you?" His angel asked. The Sky Demon grunted. "Oh yes you diiiiid!" His devil laughed.

"Go away." He mumbled.

"You'll have to make a choice." Hsi's shoulder angel said. "Good…" "Or evil. Darkness…" "Or light."

"I will cross that bridge when I get to it!" The Sky Demon muttered angrily, storming off and heading downstairs where DDR and everyone else was waiting.

Sandi explained the rules as they approached the large plasma screen that had DDR's "How to Play" rules on it. The basement room that the DDR game was kept in was air-conditioned, had various paintings of mediteranean scenes on the walls, and a small rabbit hutch with a bunny in it.

"Awww, hello little bunny." Nick said, smiling as he looked at the cute white rabbit. It fluffed it's nose slightly, sniffing him. Shendu licked his lips. "Mmm…rabbit stew…"

Nick promptly stomped on his toes. This shut him up. Nick then went back to the bunny.

"Aw, you're so cute. What's your name, little guy?"

"Fluffernutter." The bunny replied. "Mr. Valmont thought it was "catchy" and Sandi thought it was "cute".

Nick blinked again. "Uh, anyone else hear that?" He asked.

"Hear what?" Sandi asked right back as she plugged in the power cord. Nick looked back at the bunny.

"She's a hottie-hot-hottie, ain't she?" The bunny said. "And what a rack!"

"**Hey**, don't say stuff like that. That's perverted." Nick said.

"Kid, are you straight even one bit? That ass is SO waitin' to be tapped!"

"Okay, I'm ignoring you, starting _NOW_." Nick said, turning back to the others. The bunny tossed a "f-ggot" under his breath at Nick and turned away from him. Sandi beamed at them all and began to explain the rules.

"Now the rules are simple. Dance according to the arrows that appear on the screen. Whoever gets the highest score wins!" She winked. "I should warn you, I am the Queen of the dance floor when it comes to Light mode, and Mr. Finn is the greatest at all the disco tunes!" She turned and pointed at the huge silver dance pad on the ground. "Just use those arrows to browse through a list of songs, to switch between difficulty levels, and of course to dance! That's the select button, use it to pick a song or difficulty, and that there is the back button to cancel a selection. Now then…" She clapped her hands together. "Let's get it started!"

Sandi was the first one up. She blew them all away with her smooth rhythm on "Waka Laka" and stepped off, taking a bow. Shendu clapped in a very enthusiastic fashion. Nick stepped onto the pad. The music began…and Nick found himself singing to it, as his body seemed to take over completely, moving on it's own, flowing to the music…

**BGM: Speed up Beethoven**

_Beethoven! Beethoven! Beethoven! _

_Beethoven! Beethoven! Beethoven!_

_Oh deep at night…you make me cry…_

_I need your love…to save my life!_

_I need you while my piano gently weeps…_

_Listen to Beethoven!_

_His melody…will set you free!  
You need my love…to free your life…_

_I need you while my piano gently weeps…_

_Music's gonna save your lii-iii-ife!_

Nick continued to dance, twirling, passionately belting out the lyrics, arms flowing out at times…it was amazing!

_Oh deep at night…you make me cry…_

_I need your love…to save my life!_

_I need you while my piano gently weeps…_

_Listen to Beethoven!_

_My melody…will set you free!  
You need my love…to free your life…_

_I need you while my piano gently weeps…_

_Music's gonna save your lii-iii-ife!_

The others all gasped. It was as if the music had totally taken him over. The way he danced…it looked almost tribal in nature…like something you would do around a burning fire deep at night as sparks flew high into the twilight…

_Beethoven! Beethoven! _

_Beethoven! Beethoven! _

_Beethoven-toven-toven…_

And then as he stopped, a shower of sparks, each a different color, propelled loose from Nick, and when they fell on the others they felt a brief tingly, tickling feeling. Hsi opened and closed his mouth. They'd just seen an aura discharge right on the spot…and it had been clearly visible to human eyes!

Sandi was the first one to speak.

"Like wow." She said.

"What?" Nick asked. "How did I do?"

Meanwhile…

"Good evening, and for those just turning in I'm Percy Sylvester Taker, reporting for Fox News Network. After our news broadcast is done, stay tuned for Bill O'Reilly as he runs laps around a one-eyed advocate for sodomizers and desperately tries to pin the Iraq war on Clinton…again. Tonight we've looked at many great stories but now we close with our biggest. Behind our correspondent at the scene of the story is the "Palace of the Jade Emperor", recently bought by the famous directors and animators Matthew Richard Stone and Randolph Severn "Trey" Parker III of "South Park" fame! It is because of their immense talent and great fame brought on from "South Park" that they've been able to greatly influence the American and World's way of thinking. Aaron Silverman Licker? Do you agree?"

"Oh yes indeed, Taker. Trey and Matt have been criticizing secular and non-secular ideas since they were young, and when their show took off found a way to dictate how lives should be lead while all the while taking pot shots at any other lifestyles that aren't theirs. All the time characters on their show are stressting tolerance and not being prejudiced towards alternative lifestyles that allow good into people's lives, and at the same time they are constantly ripping on Jews, Christians, minorities of every shape and size and blasting liberals left and right. They're an inspiration to us at the Fox News Network, I'm glad we present reruns of their show."

"Me too, Licker. Me too. Oh, what's going on? Licker, what's going on?"

"Well Taker, it appears as if Matt and Trey have finally arrived for the crowd of celebrities they've invited along to the opening of the palace! Oh, and look, that limousine of theirs is simply amazing! Oh, now they're coming out, I'm going to try and interview them. Mr. Stone, Mr. Parker, I'm A.S. Licker for Fox News Network. Tell me Mr. Stone, what inspires you to make so many scathingly funny cartoons? Why go after Liberals as often as you do?"

"One day I'll be old enough to stick my d—k up Britney's butt."

"I see. And Mr. Parker, is it true you're a staunch libertarian and that you both "Really f—king hate liberals?"

"I have got a twelve inch penis, use your mouth to help me clean it!"

"Straight from the mouths of the geniuses folks!"

(Brief author's note: Seriously, I get so unbelievably sick of Matt and Trey doing South Park cartoons with one political or cultural message after another. A little old "Pythonesque" humor once in a while never hurts, guys!)

Suddenly the whole area was shaking, thumping up and down. People screamed and ducked to the ground, or tugged at their hair in fear "Oh, hold on! Whoa! Whoaaaahhh! E-e-everything's s-shaking! Wh-what's going on?" Licker wondered out loud in fear. A woman screamed and ran past him, her bag hitting him in the face as she bolted.

"Is it an Earthquake?" Taker asked.

Licker shook his head. "No, Taker, it appears to be filmmaker Michael Moore!"

Michael Moore stepped forward. He was wearing a large green jacket, jeans, a red shirt and black sneakers, along with his glasses and his usual cap. "WOAH! I knew he was fat, but I had no idea how fat!" Licker exclaimed. "You're WAY bigger in person!"

"Uh, yeah, I was just wondering if I could get-"

"Mike, Mike, Mike…" Trey said suddenly. "I know what you want. You want to come in, right? Want to join the party?"

"Well, yeah, I'd like that a lot-"

Ashton Kutcher, who was there at the party, suddenly exclaimed "Hey Matt, come on, let him in! I liked his films!"

"Yeah! Let him in!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Come _on_, guys." Ashton said. Suddenly he realized something. "Hey! Who made me drop my "royal pipe"? Dude, where's my pipe?" He got on his knees and began looking around.

Matt rubbed his chin. "Tell ya what. We'll let you in…if you do the Truffle Shuffle."

Michael Moore's face blanched. "W-whuh? The Truffle Shuffle?"

"The Truffle Shuffle." Trey and Matt said.

"I…I am NOT going to embarrass myself on public television by doing the Truffle Shuffle." He told them sternly.

"Do the Truffle Shuffle!" They insisted angrily, practically screeching.

Michael groaned. "Oh…oh, all right!" He took off his jacket.

Now picture, if you can, the scene. A very fat middle-aged man with a scraggly beard and glasses with slightly messy hair and "man-boobs" lifting his shirt and jiggling around, doing the Truffle Shuffle, his moobs flopping in the air, big butt bouncing back and forth.

Hold the scene in your mind.

(Scary, huh? Michael Moore doing the Truffle Shuffle?)

"My dream has come true." Trey sniffled. "I know what you mean, man." Matt said, putting his arms around Trey.

When it was over, he pulled his shirt down. His face was redder than his shirt, and he lowered his cap in shame.

"Now you can come in." Trey said.

"Yeah, was that so hard?" Matt asked, holding Michael's face by the chin and shaking it back and forth. He let go, laughing. Michael groaned. Suddenly Ashton Kutcher reemerged from the throng of people, holding up a HUGE pipe with a very, VERY large marijuana cigarette attached to it, along with a lighter switch. "Woohoo! Back in a few!" Ashton said, sticking his head in and lighting it up. "This toke ain't no joke!"

Back inside the place, Valmont and King were now pacing their cell. Bartimaeus had taken his leave and now two others were guarding the prisoners…two regular guards. They were playing chess.

"Ha! Gotcha!"

"Darn it! Checkmate again!"

"Checkmate indeed!"

The two guards turned just in time to see Satan entering, annoyed. "You two idiots are supposed to be at your peak form when guarding the-ARGH! Why is good help so hard to find?" Satan slapped his forehead, groaning in immense irritation. "Look, just stop playing that thing. There's reports coming in that some certain idiots are going to try a rescue attempt…not that they could ever get in. The front entrance has all those people blocking it, and nobody can get in through the back and sides!"

THE BACK SIDE…

"So, after this is all over…" One guard was asking another. Five of them were guarding the back, all heavily armed. "Wanna go, like, scam some chicks or something, cuz…I dunno…this is a lot more boring than my job at the government keepin' tabs on superheroes and crap."

His friend shrugged. "You know, I've been reading this book on the question of existence. Tell me, how do we know somethin' exists?"

"…uh…because it does?"

"How though?"

"…because we see it or feel it or something?"

"Right, but how do we know WE ourselves exist?"

"Cuz…we can ask ourselves if we do?"

"Good, good! See, I just made you learn something!"

"Cool."

"Hey, I've been meanin' to axe you: Naked Lad…he real?"

"Don't be f—kin' stupid, dude."

"What about Action Man?"

"……uh…no comment."

At that moment, Alec Baldwin and Reese Witherspoon approached them. "What the? Oh wow, Alec Baldwin and Reese Witherspoon!" The guard that had been speaking exclaimed. "Hey wait…uh, what are you doing here? Are you in on the plan?"

Reese Witherspoon lowered the top part of her shirt slowly.

**SFX: Woooo-ooop!**

"Of **course** we're in on the plan." She said suggestively.

The guards blinked at her boobs. She raised her shirt back up.

"You know, I think she knows about the plan."

"Well then, let us see your credentials." One insisted, raising his gun angrily.

**SFX: Woooo-ooop!**

"You don't **need** to see my credentials."

"Uh…maybe we don't need to see her credentials."

"Well, uh…okay, you can come in, ma'am. But we'll have to tell our bosses…"

**SFX: Woooo-ooop!**

"You didn't **see** us come in."

"We didn't see you come in." The guards repeated hypnotically. They let Alec and Reese inside the place. "Wow, isn't she great?" One of them asked.

"Who?"

"Uh…Reese…Reese's Pieces! Aren't they great?"

"Yeah, we should go get some!"

On the side entrance of the left part of the theme park…

"Man, this is boring." The guards guarding the entrance said.

"I hear that." His partner said.

"And to top it off, I've got a splitting headache!" The other guard complained.

"Well let US fix that!" "Jack Sparrow" said, jumping up with "Legolas". "Captain Jack" lowered his pistol right at the guard and with a single shot took him down. The guard looked at his dead parent and gaped.

"You…you KILLED him!"

"Legolas" sighed. "Sorry about this." He said, and fired off his bow and arrow, getting the other guard right between the eyes.

"Now how was that, eh?" Johnny Depp asked, grinning. "Not bad, huh?"

"Don't you think that was a bit cheap?" Orlando Bloom asked, putting another arrow in his bow.

"Pirate." Johnny said simply, grinning and showing off golden teeth.

Two guards were at the right side of the building, reading "The National Enquirer". It had the title "Bigfoot seen in love nest with Elvis and JFK!" and other stories on the front included "Woman stuck in tunnel to Heaven" and "Cemetery haunted by alien ghosts" and finally, most interestingly of all, "Osama bin Laden seen fleeing in space ship."

Hey, the last one was as believable as any other explanation for why the USA had yet to find him.

But of course, real life is usually crazy enough so that you don't need to read stories like that. To prove this, "Tony Montana" leapt out of the bushes, holding up an Uzi.

The guards blinked. "What…"

"The…"

The next word would make this story unsuitable for sale at Wal-Mart.

"Say 'ello to my leetle frien!" "Scarface" shouted, firing it off. Their bodies became riddled with more lead than eighteen dozen old-fashioned pencils and they fell down, quite dead. "Monk" came out, examining the bodies. "Uh…oh, oh, so gross…ah, here we go. Passkey." He held it up. "Now then, stand back." He examined the door and slid the passkey through the lock. They were in. He opened the door. "Wait, don't go in." "Monk" said. He held up a spray can.

HISSS!

Dangerous red lasers appeared. Using some well-placed mirrors, Monk deflected them, the nodded to his partner.

"Safe. Okay, let's go."

Up on the roof, "Lara Croft, Tomb Raider" spoke into her walkie-talkie as she crouched up on the roof, looking in through a window. "The rooster is in the hayloft." She whispered, staring at the caged Valmont and King. "Repeat, the rooster is in the hayloft."

"Romeo" responded with his own as he watched the opening ceremony from across the street with Matt Damon, who was dressed up in a dark jacket. "Roger that, TB. Proceed with plan?"

"Initiate the next part of the plan. Cross the border. Repeat, Cross the border."

"Roger. Over and out."

"Over and out."

As Trey Parker and Matt Stone were about to lead the celebrities inside the building, suddenly a fan-girl screamed "EEK! IT'S **LEO**!"

Leonardo DiCaprio stood there in his Hawaiian jacket, grinning at them all, looking very, VERY handsome. "Hi." He said sexily. Someone screamed giddily. Reports would indicate this came from none other than the reporter himself.

The celebrities and the huge crowd immediately dumped the two dorks (Trey and Matt) and ran over to swarm Leo and carry him off, each wanting a piece of his clothing. Matt and Trey grumbled, walking off, complaining.

Matt Damon peeked out of the bushes. He pulled out his walkie-talkie. "Crowd gone. Crossing border, over and out."

Matt Damon walked across the street and inside. There were about ten guards there. They all turned and raised their guns at him. "Hold on, hold on! You can't come in here!" One shouted. "You're-hey…I know you!" The guard that had been speaking ran up to Matt and put his arm around him, looking chummy. "Hey guys! Remember "Team America"? This is Matt Day-muhn!"

"Matt Day-muhn!" Everyone laughed stupidly, guffawing. Matt endured their laughter for about five full minutes before speaking.

"You know…I'm not mad at Trey and Matt…but there's something I should say. You see, actually, right now I'm not Matt Damon."

The guard who was being "chummy" looked at Matt with a stupid expression. "Huh?"

"I'm Jason Bourne."

"Jason Bourne" suddenly punched the guard in the stomach, then tossed him to the ground, pulling out a submachine gun, which he fired over and over into the other guards, who dropped to the floor like dominoes. He then kicked the guy on the ground and leveled the gun at the guard's face.

"I'm not mad at Matt and Trey…but I f—king HATE that movie." He said, putting a bullet in the man's face.

At that moment, a guard entered into the room Satan, King and Valmont were in. "Sir! We've received reports that people have broken in! We have MULTIPLE hostile assailants, sir!"

Satan growled furiously, spitting on the floor. "Patooey! I would have thought that getting rid of those two celebrities would have solved most of our problems for the night and now I have to worry about the people breaking in!"

"I wonder what Mr. Stone and Mr. Parker are doing?" King wondered out loud.

Meanwhile…

Matt and Trey were examining each other in the mirror of a bathroom. They were wearing costumes, pretending to be women. Michael Moore, unbeknownst to them, was about to walk in. He could barely hear them talking, but couldn't tell what they were talking about. At the moment, Trey was facing Matt's back, and Matt was facing Trey.

"Okay, so you know the plan, right?"

"Right. Since we can't go into the Palace, we'll have some fun pranking that club "The Golden Tang"."

"Right. Phase one?"

"Phase one, sneak into the dance club across the street disguised as hookers!"

"Phase two?"

"Get incredibly drunk."

"Phase three?"

"Vomit in their basement and all of their bathrooms after stopping up the toilets!"

"Perfect!"

Mikey was now close enough to hear them.

"Now then…"

In case you were wondering, Mikey had his camera. 

"What do you think of these?" Matt asked, showing off the fake breasts his costume had.

"Uh, they're ugly, man." Trey remarked, making a face.

"They are NOT! They're perfect! Touch them!" Matt thrust them forward slightly.

"Uh-uh. No way." Trey shook his head vigorously.

"What, you're afraid you'll be wrong? Touch my breasts."

**SFX: Boink!**

Mikey's eyes widened, along with his mouth. Someone walked up next to him, a party-animal with some friends. "Hey man, what's going on-oh, you're Michael Moo-"

"No way, I am not touching your breasts."

The party-animal and his friends gaped at what they saw in front of them. "Shaaaahhh! Like, woah!"

"Come on, just touch _ONE_."

"All right. Fine, are you happy, Matt? I'm touching your breasts."

"I **knew** it!" Mikey grinned giddily, gleefully filming. The party-animal dudes snickered. Some female patrons of the bar they all were in were now coming over to the men's bathroom, interested in what was going on, hearing snickering and giggling.

"Now squeeze it. Not so haaaard!" Matt complained.

"Dude, these are too hard. Look…" Trey put up HIS fake boobs. "Now touch my breasts!"

**SFX: Ba-BOINK!**

"Aaa…" Mikey gaped, half in giddy joy, half in horrified shock. His jaw almost hit the floor. The women went "ooh", one making a perfect "o" with her mouth while the party animal made a funny look.

"Now that's how a breast is SUPPOSED to feel."

"Ooh. Very niiice!"

By now a small crowd, bartender included, had gathered to watch the spectacle.

"Now touch _yourself_."

"Oh my God I'm **hard**!" Matt realized.

**SFX: THA-THUMP.**

The "perfect o" lady from before had actually fainted. Mikey's eyebrows shot up.

Heh. CBS would pay a FORTUNE for this!

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE PALACE THEME PARK…

Satan stomped angrily on the ground as King and Valmont watched the spectacle of him ranting and raving, with steam actually coming out of his ears. "What on Earth is happening? Where are all of our guards?"

Valmont sighed. "I can't believe I would EVER say this, but…thank God for Jackie Chan."

Satan was suddenly up in his face, reaching through the bars and grabbing his hair, tugging. "OW!" Valmont shouted. Satan just sneered. "SHADDAP." He told Valmont angrily. "After I've killed you two, I'll travel to San Fran and have some fun!"

Valmont's eyes went wide. Satan went on, gleefully enjoying the mind games he was playing with the poor Brit. "Oh what FUN I'm going to have! I think I'll start with your daughter, yes…won't that be something? She'll probably scream a lot…or maybe I should let her enjoy it a little so that way the damage to her little mind will be even big-"

Suddenly the door burst open. "SIR! No man can stop them, they're-"

BANG!

He suddenly had a bloody little hole in the middle of his forehead. He fell to the ground, really dead. Behind him, Matt Damon slowly lowered his gun as the Screen Actor's Guild let Jackie and Captain Black step in front of them.

"You pay your mercenaries too much, Satan!" Black told him. "We've had tougher fights with our grandma's bunions."

Satan snarled, stepping away from Valmont and clenching his fists. "What the f—k? ACTORS?!? My guards were beaten by a bunch of actors!?!" He spat on the ground and then stomped on it over and over and over like the spoiled, cruel brat he was.

King's eyes widened. "Oh my. The Screen Actor's Guild, what an honor!"

Valmont grinned like a kid at Christmas. "Oh my! Alec Baldwin AND Reese Witherspoon, I am such a HUGE fan of their work! Uh, when this is all over, can I have your autographs?"

"Absolutely…but it'll cost you a dollar."

"_Fine_…FINE!" Satan mumbled angrily. He rose up on his wings, grinning…well, satanically!

"Up here on Earth I may not be invincible like I am down in Hell thanks to the limitations that have been placed on us all, but I'm more than powerful enough to defeat you losers!" He began to glow and a dark, furious aura of pure black rose from him, striking out at anything that got too close. It suddenly ripped the ceiling open, and he ascended high up into the air, as outside thunder and lightning began to make their mark on the city. "I'll finally get the immense, and I MEAN immense…pleasure…of ripping you two interfering do-gooders into 600 inch-sized cubes MYSELF!"

"Why on Earth are you so angry all the time?" Jackie asked.

"You have NO idea what my life is like!" Satan snarled. "Nobody ever wants to play with me! I have nothing but destruction and darkness and a lifetime in a pit of flame left in my future unless our plan works! And when it does, I'll be in charge again and I'll NEVER ever have to worry about having nobody to play with!"

"…you're just a kid after all." Jackie realized.

Satan suddenly stopped fuming and his eyes flashed briefly, showing…something else…

"When…when we were made, back when we were parts of a whole, back when we were Samael, we…we had everything we could want…almost, anyhow. But back then…everyone loved to play with me. I was split from Samael by his will to be…to be the purest form of him, so that I would have the simple, sheer innocence of a child, but…but with the raw form of a child comes raw cruelty as well…I don't…I don't have really good times anymore." He sniffled. "Nobody wants to play with me anymore…I'm sick of this! We ALL are! Every mythological figure in the world is tired of the way things are, especially us down in Hell! It's time for a change!"

With that he leapt back up into the air and snarled. "Now where was I? Oh yeah…PREPARE TO DIE!"

**BGM: Furious Angels, by Rob Dougan**

Jackie and Captain Black took up battle positions. Satan sneered. "Please. The Chosen known as Jackie Chan might have the strength of aura and power to beat me, but "Kojack" over there doesn't stand a chance in Hell!"

Black shrugged. "Maybe not ordinarily…but this time I'm prepared. I know that "magic must defeat magic", which is why while Jackie's kicking YOUR ass…"

He whipped out a puffer fish!

"I'm getting those two outta here! Yo mo gui gwai fai te zhao!"

He blasted a bolt of light blue magic straight at the magical cell our two prisoners were in, and it was broken into pieces. Valmont and King ran over to the others. Jackie nodded.

"Just you and me now, Satan. Let's do this."

The S.A.G, Black, King and Valmont ran out of the room while Satan and Jackie circled each other, neither one so much as blinking. A lighting bolt split the sky, and then both rushed toward each other.

Satan lunged forward, thrusting one hand forward like a claw, trying to slash Jackie with his suddenly very long fingernails, but Jackie cartwheeled back, then kicked off of the wall, jumping forward and thrusting his foot out. Satan caught the foot and hurled Jackie to the side of the room, but Jackie quickly leapt back up, retaking his fighting position. Thunder broke through the night air, and they rushed forward again!

Satan tossed a destructive-looking bolt of black magic right at Jackie, snarling something in a devilish tongue that had to do with Jackie, necrophilia, and his dead grandmother. Jackie leapt to the side quickly. Satan snarled again, tossing more and more bolts, but Jackie kept dodging them.

"STAND-STILL-YOU-CHINK-PIECE-OF-"

That had been the wrong thing to say. Jackie grabbed a nearby urn and leapt up into the air off of a nearby pillar. He slammed it down on the temporarily-caught-off-guard Satan's head, bringing them both down, and then delivered a fierce drop kick to said urn, and thus Satan's head. The urn shattered, and a very dizzy and sore Satan was left on his knees, seeing stars.

"But I wanna ride the pony more…I only got one gooooo…" Satan muttered. "Come onnn, lemme ride bareback this tiiiime…"

Jackie punched him. Hard. Satan woke up, and a furious growl echoed from his throat. His wings suddenly became razor sharp and they thrust forward. Jackie leapt back, but not fast enough. One sliced his shoulder, and he gasped in pain.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Satan laughed, rising back up. He tried to grab Jackie's hair, but the hero was fast, and jumped back. Growling again, Satan suddenly held up his hands and began chanting in backwards Latin. Bursts of flame erupted around his body and flew at Jackie, who quickly ran alongside the wall, running UP and alongside it even, to avoid these flames. Then Jackie jumped off of the wall quickly and twisted his body, striking out with his left foot, hitting Satan's face hard.

But the little brat didn't give up that easily. He suddenly dove at Jackie and grabbed him, and then flew the two of them up through the ceiling to the roof. Satan sneered and then carelessly Jackie a good distance away, onto the roof, almost hitting an air duct. Jackie felt his shoulder was on fire and that left leg was going to break…

But he stood up, fighting through the pain. Lightning, then thunder, split the sky, and rain poured down in buckets, drenching them. The rain slowly tricked down his cheeks and onto the rooftop below, drip…drip…drip…

Jackie's eyes were like steel. It was time to end it.

Satan raised an eyebrow. "How hopeless. Resistance is so utterly charmless. Time to die, you little waste of life! DIE, DIE, DIE!" With each "die", he fired off a beam of, believe it or not, laser energy from his eyes. Jackie, not saying a word, moved fluidly to the left, then to the right, then to the left again.

"Stop making this hard for me and DIE!" Satan howled, rushing at him. His wings were razor sharp once more, he intended to cut Jackie to pieces…

But just before he rammed right into Jackie, the Chantastic warrior leapt up into the air, right on top of him…bringing both feet down, hard, right onto his exposed, smooth back. The Heart of the Devil was slammed into the roof and the great Satan let out a howl of pain.

Jackie leapt off, and clenched his fist hard. Satan staggered up, barely conscious.

"I won't lose…to…such a…a pathetic little…"

Jackie held up the fist. "Bad day…" He rushed forward. Satan gaped.

"For **you**!" He slammed it straight into Satan's face.

_**KAPOW!!!**_

(Music ends.)

Satan let out a single involuntary gasp of air…and then exploded in a flash of black light, sending out a horrible smell of brimstone into the air. Jackie looked up into the sky as rain continued to fall, covering him, cleaning him. He lowered his head, closing his eyes. Then he took in a deep breath, and slowly walked back to the hole in the roof, where he knew his best friend and the others were waiting.

LATER…

"We are…very sorry about your girlfriend, Mr. Mayor." Jackie apologized. He, Black, King and Valmont had gathered at the mayor's office.

The mayo shrugged, turning around in his chair. "It's alright. I'm dating her sister now…and she doesn't get involved in politics or care about stem cells or abortions in any way!"

"Oh. Okay."

"Well, you stopped the attacks for quite a while I think." The mayor said. "And if they ever come back, well…we here at Hollywood may care a bit too much about pills, Porches, and poontang, but when push comes to shove, we can be more protective of the freedoms all Americans enjoy than you would ever think. Just look at the Screen Actor's Guild."

"Yes, they actually saved our skins." Black admitted. "Not bad for, uh…actors."

"Don't belittle actors." Valmont said. "I thought about being one when I was younger like my favorite uncle, but, ah, that was a long time ago."

"There was a time." Mr. Rosenberg said.

"So, in recognition for all you've done, you can now go up to the Hollywood sign." The mayor said. He opened up his desk and pulled out a piece of paper with legal mumbo jumbo on it, signing at the bottom. "This document states you're free to come and go as you please for as long as you'd like anywhere in Hollywood." The mayor then put his seal on it. "It's now law. I'll spread the word to the security forces at the sign. Have a nice day!"

"Uh, you too." Jackie said, waving goodbye.

After leaving the office, Valmont turned away from Jackie and Black and walked in the direction of the place he'd parked the helicopter. "Come on. Let's go." He told King, who bowed respectfully at Jackie and Black before walking after him.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Jackie called out.

"Back home. This time you get the piece…but next time we'll be sure to beat you to it!" Valmont shouted back. Jackie groaned. "Ohh…I just don't get it."

"It's a matter of pride, Jackie. He got caught, and had to be rescued by his former worst enemy…so naturally he's going to want to walk off in a huff of some kind." Captain Black explained. "Now let's not look a gift horse in the mouth and go get that piece of the bell, whaddya say?"

And so, a little while later...

Jackie and Captain Black had arrived at the Hollywood sign. They walked up the hill, looking in awe at the sheer size of the big white letters. Then they saw something kind of frightening.

There, curled around a shard of golden bell, was a coyote. Tufted snout, fiercely intelligent golden eyes, sharp claws and teeth, and a surprisingly long, flowing tail…

Hmm. Something about this thing was odd. The tail was unusually long, those eyes unusually bright…

"This land was my land…sigh. And now it's your land."

THAT was VERY unusual! The coyote had actually spoken. It stood up and suddenly, before their eyes, transformed into a human being in a spiral of dust and wind. He had the skin of a Native American, brushed back black hair, and looked sort of like a greaser kid from the 50's. He brushed some dust off of his jeans and his leather jacket.

"Coyote, Trickster spirit at your service! Now uh, you've come for this…" He held the bell piece up. "Right? Well, see, I can't exactly let you just have it, even though I'm very grateful that you kicked that little bratty Satan's behind. He pulled my _tail_ once!"

"Uh…okay. So, uh…" Jackie scratched his head. "So what must we do?"

"I hope you're good at riddles." Coyote said. "I'll ask five. All you have to do is answer three correctly and you get the bell. If you get ALL of them right, then I'll help your little friend Black out some too! He happens to be worthy enough, since he's got Shaman blood."

Captain Black looked Coyote over, still hardly able to believe he was talking to a mythological figure as big as this one. Jackie snapped him back to reality by tapping his shoulder and he composed himself. "Uh, ask away, Mr. Coyote sir! If you don't mind telling me what a shaman is, though. I'd like some clarification."

Coyote brushed his hair back and then sniggered. "You're a stiff, but you're polite at least. All right. First of all, a shaman is a person who has a distinct connection with the spiritual world. The soul of a shaman can manifest itself through certain spirits and their powers can become the shaman's. Now shamans are usually able to only bond with one spirit at a time, and it takes a specific kind of spirit to do the trick. But enough of that, now for the riddle. 32 horses on a red hill. First they stamp…then they clamp…then they stand still."

Black immediately answered. "Oh, I know! Teeth! It's teeth!"

Coyote clapped his hands. "Not bad! But the first two are pretty easy. Next one! What's black, white, and red all over?"

"A comic book collection?" Black guessed again.

"Right again! But like I said, the first two are easy. Now it gets harder. Only one color but not one size, stuck at the bottom yet easily flies, present in sun but not in rain, doing no harm and feeling no pain…what am I?"

Jackie thought for a little while. Then he remembered…he'd heard this before…from Uncle!

"A shadow." He answered.

Coyote's eyes widened, and then he nodded. "Impressive. VERY impressive! You've won the bell piece. Now if you want to try and answer the other two…"

"Why not?"

"I should warn you…these next two questions are very deep, and not the kind of riddles you'd be used to. But anyhow…" Coyote tossed the bell piece to Black, who caught it and put it in his coat pocket. Coyote clapped his hands and grinned. "Let's get started!"

His eyes glinted evilly. "What is more evil than the Devil, more good than God? What do the poor have and what do the rich need?"

Hmm. That WAS tough. Jackie scratched his head. He tried to rack his brain, but for some reason couldn't think of anything. And to top it off, his cell phone rang. He picked it up.

"Is this Cutts the Butcher?"

What the? "Nick!?!"

"Oh. Hey Jackie! Sorry, wrong number. What's going on?"

"A riddle contest with Coyote, the Native American trickster spirit."

"Coooool! I gotta bike over to Jade's and tell her…oh, are you winning?"

"Yes, but I'm stuck right now-"

"NOTHING!" Black suddenly shouted, snapping his fingers. "Nothing is more evil than the Devil, nothing is more good than God, the poor have nothing, the rich need nothing, the answer is nothing, isn't that right?!"

Coyote nodded sagely. "Correct. And now…the final riddle."

"Ooh, I gotta hear this." Nick said. "Put the phone on speaker mode!"

"Uh…okay…"

Jackie pressed the speaker button and Nick listened took a deep breath. "And now…the final riddle, young mortals. Chosen, are you ready?"

Jackie nodded. "Yes. Ask away."

"Could God make a boob so big…even HE couldn't lift it?"

**SFX: BOING!  
**

"What?" Jackie asked, in a "WTF?!?" tone.

"What kind of question is THAT!?!" Black asked.

"Well, Coyote IS a tricky, perverted spirit." Nick admitted over the phone. "And since I know the answer, can I say it?"

Coyote tilted his head slightly. "You're the Game Master-no, wait, you may be a special human, but you admitted that you aren't ready for the title of "chosen" OR "Captain N". Hmm…you really intrigue me." His golden eyes blinked slowly…very slowly. Finally he spoke back up. "Alright! Go ahead and tell me…what is the answer, Mr. Grey?"

"God could make a boob so big even he couldn't lift it…and then he would lift it anyway!" Nick answered triumphantly.

Now it was COYOTE'S turn to look flabbergasted. His mouth was open so wide you could have fit a ship in a bottle inside. He finally closed it and nodded. "All-all right. I can't believe it! I must be off of my game. Oh well. That last riddle was definitely gold though…here, I may be a tricky dick, but I'm dead serious when it comes to challenges like this."

He pulled something out of his pocket and tossed it to Captain Black, who caught it in his cupped hands. It was a small little figurine of a all-black stickman with a square head and single lines for hair coming out at the top and left of the square that was his head. The figure was playing a flute. This was a Kokopelli figurine.

"You have Shamanic talent in you, so use my gift well. You see, Kokopelli and I are close friends AND fellow tricksters. We and the rest of the tricky figures of the world like to hang out, so if you ever need help from someone who can pull the wool over someone else's eyes, blow the other side of the flute on the figure. And uh, wipe your mouth afterward."

With a melodramatic bow, Coyote suddenly turned into a dusty tornado that flew up into the air, scattering to the winds.

Black looked at the little thing in his hands. "Hmm. Why do you think he said to wipe my mouth?" "Uh…let's not find out right now. Jade and the others are waiting…"

Back at San Fran…

Hao grumbled and drank up a beer. "This sucks." He said out loud at the minibar at Valmont's kitchen. "There's not enough action around here! I never should have left New York."

"How about going to L.A?" Nick asked him. He was drinking a Shirley Temple. "And you shouldn't drink."

"Nick, quit it. And no, Los Angeles is no good. The Pride's Kids have that covered."

"Hu-what?"

"And then there's Chicago, Static and Gear have that, and the Teen Titans got people pretty much EVERYWHERE, and New York's filled to the brim with Superheroes, I can't even turn left without running into Spider-Man or the Fantastic F—kin' Four-"

"Watch your mouth!"

"Sorry. The point is, it's HARD finding a city to do good in these days, and President Bush's getting strained keeping tabs on all these capes…you know, I once thought I'd look good in a cape, but…well, things happened."

"Like what?"

WHAT HAPPENED:

Hao stood in his room as a little kid, flexing in front of his mirror. He'd made his superhero costume and had a big cape. He raised one edge high. "_THIS_ is a job for…"

He twirled it and promptly twisted and fell to the ground with a cry of "WAAAUUUGHH", getting tangled up.

"A job for what?" His mother asked, peeking inside the room to see what was happening.

"…someone else."

PRESENT…

"Uh…okay. Say, does this mean…er…" Nick blushed. "I know this is gonna sound odd, but…is Green Lantern-"

"He's real. At least, in this world."

"Sweet! How about the X-Men and the Justice League?"

"Sigh. Very, very real."

"Awesomeness! What about Wonder Man? Is he a real superhero here in this world too?"

"Don't be silly, he's not a superhero anymore! He's _nobody_."

"So uh, that that superhero Paco and Jade talk about, Naked Lad, is he real?"

"Are you f—king kid-"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH."

"Sorry. Of course not! Naked Lad's not real! No way!"

"Well then, what about Action Man?" Nick asked.

"No comment." Hao quickly muttered, knocking 'em back some more.

**INTERLUDE: SHIN'S STORY, PT. 2**

"So, let me see if I have this right…"

Shin and Mark were eating at "Cold Stone Creamery", a VERY good ice cream store. Mark was having Mint Chocolate Chip with peanut butter cups mixed in and Shin was having Birthday Cake flavor with sprinkles. The two were getting so into the ice cream they now had ice cream mustaches. Interestingly enough, the store was quite full at the moment…this would prove helpful.

"You and Nick used to be best friends."

"Right."

"Then one time when you were sleeping at his house you stole some money."

"…I'm not proud of it, but yes."

"And his mother was so mad she banned you from the house and you two apparently drifted away in the other world that the Nick I know is from, while in THIS world, the Nick you know moved away soon after."

"Yeah, but it didn't have to do with me." Mark said sadly. "It was because of an accident I hear. I don't like to…to talk about it, you know?"

Shin nodded. "I understand. Anyhow-" Suddenly he looked up, noticing there were several jock-types hanging out at a nearby table. "Oh…oh my. What fine bodies." He said quietly. "Quite handsome indeed."

"Yeah, keep it under control, okay?" Richard said. "Look, people in this town are generally very nice and friendly, but we like keeping to ourselves when it comes to some things. And, uh…well…"

"Well what?"

"Notice how people are sitting in this store?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow.

Shin blinked a few times, swallowing down the last of his ice cream. He wiped his mouth and looked around. Hmm. Five tables. Mixtures of boys and girls…

One table had the jocks. One table had the black youths from before, interesting. Another table had what appeared to be some Asian friends talking excitedly in, he was happy to hear, Mandarin. There was his own table, and the last table had some Mexican guys who were speaking rapidly, too rapidly to hear. However since Shin could sense what was hidden, he simply looked into their hearts to see their emotion and…

"Oh, that's just gross." He said. "Perverted little…they're thinking with their dongs."

"Notice anything about how they're sitting?" Mark wanted to know.

"Hmm…oh, they're all…divided by…racial barriers?"

"Exactly. It's called de facto segregation. It means people hang out and stuff with members of their own race."

Shin looked honestly confused. "Er…why?"

"Well…because."

"Why?"

"Well, because!"

"…really?" Shin stood up and walked over to the Asian group, addressing them in English. "Hello."

They looked him up and down and then went back to talking. Shin sighed and spoke in Mandarin. "You're being awfully rude, aren't you?" They immediately turned back and said "Oh, sorry" to him, also in Mandarin. "Why not join us instead of hanging with that Jew kid?"

"What's wrong with Mark?" He asked, offended. He crossed his arms, giving a disapproving look. They gave each other a nervous look. "Um…er…well, he's a cool, nice kid but…" "We just…" "Well…"

"Yeah, yeah." He walked back to Mark and sat down. "This town needs a change." He said. "I've got an idea…"

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER…

A couple of Basketball team guys were hanging out at the corner nearby. One spoke up. "So, I said to Mary, "how about we go behind the Mickey D's and suck some face", and she said "I don't hang with anyone who's got the IQ of a doughnut." Can you believe that b---h?"

"Hey." They turned and looked at Mark, who was leaning against the wall. "I got a party goin' on at Luna's tonight at 6." He said.

"Yeah, we heard it's supposed to be good." One of the Basketball team guys said. "So are we invited? We got nothing better to do, our girls say they're busy…"

"Sure, you can come. Bring lots of friends. 6 PM. Luna's. Don't be late." With that, he walked around the corner, pulling out a walkie-talkie. "Hey Jude to Gotham. Hey Jude to Gotham. Phase One: Jock Itch, complete. Proceed to phase two!"

Phase two was speaking to the Asian kids. "Excuse me." Shin interjected into their conversation back at the Cold Stone Creamery. "I want to apologize for before. To make it up to you, come to a party at Luna's. It's at 6." Bored out of their skulls, the kids agreed. Shin walked out of the ice cream store and quickly ducked to the side, whipping out HIS walkie talkie.

"Phase Two: Asian sensation, complete. Proceed to Phase Three…"

" So dude."

"Dude."

"You comin'?"

"_Dude_!"

"We're there, dude."

"Phase four…"

"Wanna come to the party?"

"Reckon' course!"

"Phase five…"

"Oh, we would be delighted to come!"

"Phase five!"

And so it went on and on and on, and eventually…

A bunch of black teenagers approached the huge warehouse where a "f—kin' awesome" party was supposed to be. They could hear a DJ playing music and smell good food wafting through the air. It was nighttime, around 10:32 PM, and there were thousands of stars in the night sky, and searchlights of many colors were shooting of beams into said sky. One of the teenagers stepped forward, taking his cap off and scratching his hair.

"Well, looks pretty normal enough…should we go on in?"

"Hey!" Shin said, suddenly coming up behind him and slinging one arm over his shoulder. "What up?"

The youth blinked at him a few times. "Uh…we're just…about to go in." He said, a bit surprised. If any NORMAL white kid had done that, he would have punched them or shoved them off, but there was something about this kid that made him feel oddly at peace. "So uh…is the party good?"

"The club is jumpin', off the hook. Come on in!" Shin told him, leading them down to the huge warehouse. They opened up the door and lots of other people were already in, all "peeps" and "homies" of the black youth and his friends. He immiedately cheered up and ran in with his buddies. Shin hung back and grinned. So far so good! Now they just had to wait.

The party was wild, people were dancing like there was no tomorrow, some had been here for three hours and their feet were sore and in some cases actually _bleeding_. The youth, who was named Goseium, approached a fine young lovely over by a door that appeared to be to the bathroom. "Hey, wanna come kick it?" He asked her.

Suddenly a knock came at the bathroom door. He opened it up.

There was the football team from the nearby high school. "Uh, you guys know where the bathroom is?" The quarterback asked.

A few dozen heads turned, and for a brief moment, it looked like they would get angry, but then Goseium spoke up.

"Uh, no, actually…"

"Oh…can we check one of those doors over there-hey wait, is that DJ Flash you got in here? We got DJ Axe over in the other room."

"You got more beer?" Someone asked from the crowd.

"Oh yeah, and some Hard Lemonade. But the Mexican kids in the party next door got some good stuff!"

"You mean…" Another person asked hopefully.

The quarterback nodded and grinned. "Yep! Ma-ga-riii-tas!"

"Lead the way!" Goseium said. "Me and Hot Chocolate Goddess here would LOVE a margarita!"

As they clambered through the hallway into the next room and the next room after that, other people found their way into the room that THEY'D been in…the Asian kids, who were also looking for the bathroom and who found out that the African American kids in the room they were now in had extra salsa. In a matter of minutes the entire warehouse and all of it's many rooms were filled with mixing races and cultures that were all bonding over beers and booze, girls and guys, how much school or the current administration sucked and D—N, the music and the snacks were stupid fly! Not as much as that fine girl in the corner though, according to some. They'd sure like to "bull over their bumper and smack that monkey".

Shin and Mark watched the party from a control room high on the roof. There were hidden cameras all around the warehouse. They clinked their soda cans together at their success and drank up.

"We did it!" Mark said. Shin shrugged. "It wasn't much. One just needs the right ingredients and then you just let the mix stir itself up!"

"This never happens around here…but everyone's really having a good time." Mark agreed. It was true, everyone was enjoying themselves, and the party would last until light. Shin smiled and sipped his soda. "It's simple, really." He said. "They just needed the right place and setting to open up to each other."

Mark clapped him on the back. "This is really something. You know, I don't think people do this enough."

"Well, that's true." Shin agreed. "But you know, I've learned something. You people here in New England are really nice." He said. Mark smiled and raised his soda can. "Thank you!"

"But you're not saved yet." He added with a solemn tone.

Mark was quiet for a few moments. Then he asked a question.

"You know any good Goth poetry? I've never heard any before."

Shin rubbed his chin. "Well, sometimes words come to me. Alright, I'll give it a try…" He cleared this throat. "I feel the pain of a thousand years as my broken wings flap uselessly. It's no use, no use. My heart has been raped, my happiness drowning in the dark, dark sea…"

MEANWHILE, BACK UP IN HEAVEN…

"It's happened, it's happened, the worst thing possible has happened!" Michael shouted, rushing to his brothers, panting and out of breath. They had gathered at a carnival of sorts and had been playing different carnival games. Uriel was doing a "Shoot the bottle" game, Gabriel was doing a ring toss, Raphael was doing a "Horse Race" game and Azrael was simply sucking on a lemon ice.

"The Bell of the Heavens was shattered and scattered across the world! We need to get down there and reach those bell pieces before those foul demons and their friends do!" Michael reported, eyes full of fear.

Uriel cracked his knuckles. "How's about we find those demons before THEY find the bell and we play a round of "Who's Your Daddy" with their face?!"

Michael immediately grinned. He was with Uriel on this one.

"Violence is NOT the answer." Raphael insisted. Richard, who was sitting to his left and eating cotton candy in a messy fashion, nodded. Both didn't like Michael and Uriel's policy, which revolved essentially one idea; "kill anything that has horns and speaks" policy.

"I agree with Raphael. We need to think up a plan before we do anything." Gabriel said.

Azrael threw his lemon ice away and rubbed his chin. "Well…there is ONE thing we could do…we could ask…THAT angel."

Michael groaned. "You don't mean THAT angel?"

"I DO mean that angel." Azrael said.

"Who's this angel you'we talking about?" Richard asked. Raphael rubbed the back of his head. "Well…you see…er…there is this archangel, who asks us to be treated as our sister of sorts, and…this angel only likes to be approached by Gabriel, only…only he has to take his feminine form, and it gets…unusual…"

"Wait, I don't think I want to…" Gabriel began.

Michael turned and looked at him. "Gabe…who's in charge? Do it."

Gabriel sighed. He looked around. "I'll do it, I'll do it. Where's the changing rooms? I don't want you guys looking."

"What do you think we'll DO?" Michael asked.

WHAT THEY DID THE LAST TIME:

"Okay, okay, here he comes, here he comes…"

Gabriel walked into the changing stall of the locker room. He closed the door and took off his armor and his clothes. Watching from above, in a vent, was Uriel and Michael.

"Hee-hee-hee…"

"This is gonna look GREAT on the internet!"

PRESENT…

Gabriel frowned at all of them. "I'm changing. And then I'm going to go and contact Sariel…"

**Author's Note:**

**Big kudos to anyone who figures out where Bart comes from, and bigger kudos to anyone who knows where "Naked Lad" is from as well! Stay tuned! Here's a sneak peek of what's coming up:**

**"Why are you wearing a band-aid on your nose?" "Fashion statement."**

**"100 acres of pure marijuana! Amazing!..."**

**"Your little goth friend is a GOD KILLER!"**

**"I'll bet I could eat that dish in six bites!"**

**"You're a great guy, horns or not."**

**"El Toro Fuerte is not a terrorist!"**

**Things are only gonna get bigger and more complex! Be ready!**


	28. Kansas, Pt1

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

KANSAS, PART 1

"Paco, welcome to Topeka, Kansas."

"So this is Kansas. The place people talk about when they say they're not here anymore…hmm. Not quite as impressive as I thought it'd be, El Toro…"

Paco and El Toro had taken a special bus supplied by Section 13 to Kansas. Jackie and Black had returned heroes for retrieving the bell, and, not to be outdone by a "little mouse man", Paco had demanded that they leave immediately to beat Jackie's time. When Jackie and El Toro tried to insist that it wasn't a contest, things got ugly between Jade and Paco…as usual…

So the long-suffering Uncle had stuffed Paco and El Toro Fuerte on the first bus offered and sent them on their way with a "Now I can finally get some sleeeeep!".

As they stepped away from the Bus Station, they noticed there was what appeared to be a Native American sitting next to a blanket that had many little knickknacks on it. Apparently he was selling overpriced souvenirs. He had very, very long black hair, a well-built…very, very well built body…and was very, very handsome. In short, a "very-very" kind of guy.

"Can I interest you in one of these, my good sirs?" He asked, holding up a one-foot figure of…oh wow, a hand-carved Super Moose. Paco jumped up and down. "Ooh, ooh, can I El Toro? Can I?"

Hey, old habits die very hard. El Toro shrugged, and paid five bucks. Paco took the figurine and held it close. "Oh, I just love the smooth feel of it!"

"Check the left antler and press down." The man told him. Paco looked at him, confused, then did so. The top of the antler popped off, revealing a small compass.

"Cooool!"

"And the right antler is a flashlight." The man told him. Paco popped the right antler and sure enough, a bright light hit him between the eyes. "The feet can be opened up in THAT one, but since it's a waterfall and you're too young I won't sell it to you." Paco closed the tops back up. "Muchas gracias, senor." He told the man, who nodded politely. "Say, how can I help you? You're definitely from out of town, what are you doing here?"

El Toro took up a heroic pose. "We are here on a noble quest! We seek out a shard of a bright golden bell!"

Paco took up a heroic pose right next to him. "So that we may restore balance to the world!"

The man brushed a lock of hair to the side of his face and tilted his head to the side a little in confusion. "………uh…a golden bell?"

"Yes." They both replied.

The man rubbed his chin. "Well…I think I might be able to help you, actually. By the way, name's Mr. Lacto. It's quite a pleasure." He shook El Toro's hand. "I just happened to see a little golden something that fell through the sky one night not too long ago. See, I was sitting out on the rolling plains, and what should tear through the night sky from the west but a golden meteor that fell down, right here in Kansas!"

"So you can take us there!" El Toro asked hopefully.

Mr. Lacto looked a bit nervous. "Um…sorry…I cannot. I don't actually know how to get to where it is. I know where it is, but getting there is something else entirely."

"Why's that?" Paco asked. "If you know where it is, what's so hard about getting there?"

Mr. Lacto looked around, making swift glances. "It's really not safe to talk here. There are…those that do not wish us to talk. Meet me at the local "Five Guys Burgers and Fries" and we'll talk over lunch."

With that he rolled up his blanket, souvenirs and all, and walked off briskly. El Toro shrugged.

"Very strange…Paco, his smell, how did he smell?"

"He smelled like spices and a fresh spring breeze. He is one of the good ones."

"Very well." El Toro put his hands on his hips. "Come on, Paco. We must find this "Five Guys Burgers and Fries".

Meanwhile, on the other end of town…far out on the borders actually…

"Oh, that was a weird experience. I don't think I ever want to do it again!"

"Shut up. It was annoying for me too, earthworm. You wouldn't stop _screaming_!"

Dai Gui had dug his way to Kansas rather than use a spell, a matter of personal pride in his talent. Poor Ratso had been forced to hang onto a horn the whole time! Not only was it painful to his face at the speed they'd been going, the Earth Demon smelled like…well, mud! But Ratso had enough smarts not to mention to Dai Gui that he needed a bath, so he just put up with it. Besides, he himself smelled like onions, something Dai didn't comment on.

Still in demon form, Dai Gui rubbed his chin. "We're going to need to find this piece of golden bell. Now where could it be?"

"I think we should go into town and ask around." Ratso suggested. "Oh, wait…is that…it IS! A comic book store!" Like a kid at Christmas, he ran right into town, eager to buy a couple dozen. Dai Gui groaned, and changed form, reverting to being a human. "NOW what is it?" The Earth Demon groaned.

"Is it here, is it here?…" Ratso wondered out loud as he poured over the various comic books. "Come on, come-ah HA! "Iron Man"! Oh Iron Man, what would I do without you? And what's this? Gamma Elephant? I haven't seen this comic strip in years!" He immediately grabbed this one too and after picking out a few other comic strips went up to the counter.

The man at the counter, a balding, ponytailed man with glasses looked Ratso over. "Uh…what's with the band-aid on your nose, d00d?"

"Fashion statement."

The comic book guy blinked slowly a few times as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. "…..right. So, just these? That'll be $10.26."

Ratso paid the man and walked outside, reading his "Green Elephant" story while Dai Gui entered the shop for himself. "I don't know what the deal is." He thought to himself. "What on Earth is so special about these strange little…"

Suddenly he stopped, something caught his eye. "Spectacu-Larry?...hmm…" For some reason, he felt himself picking it up, and then opening it up and READING it!

"…..say…this isn't that bad!"

For some reason he just couldn't stop himself from getting engrossed in the story. The man at the counter lifted himself up from his chair and called out "You want any more issues? I got more in the back!"

Suddenly Ratso came back in and slammed the comic book down on the counter. "I want a refund." He said, looking very offended. The comic-book guy looked at the copy of "Green Elephant" and then at Ratso. "What? What's wrong?"

"This thing's defective!" Ratso complained.

"Oh, hold on." The guy said. Dai Gui wanted to buy the comic book, and apparently eight other "Spectacu-Larry" issues. Eagerly accepting the money, the comic book guy giggled to himself. Now he could pay for that mono-brow waxing!

Dai Gui walked outside to read his comics. Ratso pointed his finger on the comic book. "This thing is defective! Defective, I tells ya!"

"How so?"

"Green Elephant's super power is his amazing memory, yet he uses the same gamma-based weapon against Sinister Storm that failed so awfully in issue 34!"

The comic book guy blinked.

"Surely you agree!"

FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER…

"Comic book weenies shouldn't sell comics." The comic book guy grumbled to himself.

"Thanks." Ratso said, putting the money back in his pocket. As he walked outside, he saw Dai Gui was walking across the street…

And about to get run over by a speeding truck! Holy crap! Ratso bolted, and then dove, pushing both of them out of the way of the truck, whose owner honked angrily at them. Dai Gui coughed wildly, and Ratso rubbed his eyes, groaning. "You okay?"

Dai Gui picked up his comic books (pretty unharmed, luckily) and looked at Ratso. "You…saved me…"

"Why not? You gave me a ride, I owed you and stuff! Besides, I can't let a fellow comic-lover to get run over!"

Dai Gui didn't say anything. Then he smiled.

"Thank you, Clancy."

Ratso blinked. "Hey, no problem! But just call me Ratso. Everyone does. Hey, let's go get a bite to eat, that "Five Guys Burgers and Fries" place over there looks good, and I've been to one of their joints before, they make good burgers…"

MEANWHILE, WAY BACK AT SAN FRAN…

Nick was sitting at the local "Ben and Jerry's" ice cream store, drinking a chocolate milk shake with Sandi, Shendu, Hsi Wu, Tso Lan and Bai Tsa. Po Kong and Tsao Fung were off doing their own thing. In the Wind Demon's case, probably driving that Ferrari, and in Po Kong's case, putting a buffet out of business.

As it were, at the nearest Chinese buffet, Tohru also happened to be chowing down…and right next to Po Kong, who was currently in the form of a sexy…yet still quite fat…Japanese woman. Hmm. For some reason, "fat" and "sexy" didn't usually go well together, but she pulled it off. Sort of like…

"You remind me of that scientist's daughter." Tohru said, washing down an order of Sweet and Sour pork with a grape soda. Po Kong blinked and slurped up the noodles that were in her mouth, then brushed her hair back slightly, a usual gesture, it was already in a bun…but this member of the Chan clan made her nervous. They were sitting at a counter, eating their food, while the bartender behind rolled his eyes, annoyed at how he always got the fat ones.

"Who?"

"From "Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World"." Tohru said. "One of my favorite books. One of the main characters is a large woman who happens to be Japanese and very, very lovely, like, uh…much like yourself." He added, blushing slightly.

Po Kong blushed slightly. She didn't get compliments often, this was a nice change of pace. Suddenly they both noticed there was a single dumpling there. They both reached for it with their forks and both forks embedded in the dumpling. They looked at each other, then blushed.

Then they noticed there was a very large order of Beef and Broccoli right nearby…steaming hot, and looking oh-so-good…

"Oh, that looks so good!" Po Kong explained. "I'll bet I could eat that dish in six bites!"

"Well…not to brag, but I could eat it in…oh, five bites!" Tohru bragged.

"FOUR bites!" Po Kong exclaimed, her competitive spirit rising.

"Three bites!"

"Two bites!"

"One bite!"

"Eat that dish!" Po Kong dared him.

"MGLRPHX!" Tohru muttered a moment later, sauce dripping out of the edges of his mouth.

Someone else was blushing, Hsi saw Jade sitting across from them, she'd also gone to the ice cream store to get a cone. She noticed him and frowned, then walked over and grabbed Nick's arm. "Talk. Now." She said, pulling him away from his milkshake, which was quickly drunken up by Tso Lan.

Sandi and Shendu were sharing a milkshake. Ever since the moment on the roof, Shendu had fallen completely for her, mind, body, soul and heart, all belonged to her. And for some unexplainable reason Sandi found "James" very wonderful too. They did make a good couple!

"I'm glad we got away from the house just in time. Dad would have made me do the lawn. I HATE doing the chores. Hak Foo should do them anyway, he's the one who needs to lose weight!...although whenever he does the chores, something happens."

"Uh, "something"?"

"Yeah, like, uh…there was this one time?..."

A WHILE AGO…

"Stupid lawnmower…" Hak Foo muttered, pushing the lawnmower across the front yard while Finn, Ratso and Chow watched on, sipping lemonades and all wearing big sunglasses and large Mexican-style hats, having a little siesta.

"Ha-ha-ha! Hey Hak Fool! Betcha want some of this, don't you?"

"Too bad big guy! 40 more pounds of fat to go!"

"Then you can let yourself go all over again, ha-ha-ha!"

"Stupid, stupid lawnmower!"

Their laughter rang in his ears. "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!..."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!-"

CRHCHUNK! KACRURK! KACHINK!

"AAA!" Finn shouted, running over with the other two enforcers and kneeling down. "My "Saturday Night Fever" CD!"

"AAA!" Ratso shouted. "My "Iron Man" action figure!"

"AAA!" Chow shouted. "My favorite pair of sunglasses!"

"Semi-stupid lawnmower…" Hak Foo now muttered as he continued his work, listening to the sweet, sweet music of the Enforcer's wails of loss.

PRESENT…

"Heh-heh-heh!" Shendu couldn't stop chuckling.

Sandi put her finger to her lip. "Hmm. I wonder what Finn and Chow are doing now? I hope they're not making fun of Hak Foo?..."

As it were…

"Hey, Hak Foo! What are you doing?"

Hak Foo was standing in front of the Dance Dance Revolution game that had been set up in the basement. He turned around to face Finn and Chow.

"I have noticed you, Finn, think yourself a dancer."

"Best Disco dancer on all the west side!"

"Well…can you beat ME?"

He gestured towards the screen. It showed "Long Train Runnin"…a Disco tune.

Finn's eyes narrowed. (Insert the "Wee-woo" Kill Bill song here!) Hak Foo and he held glances for a long time…and then…

"It's…ooooonnnn…" Finn said. He pointed at the screen. "Let's DANCE, spike-head!"

KA-CRASH!

"MY FERRARI! BABY, NOOOOO!"

"MY GARAGE! AAAAA!!!"

"THIS I gotta see." Chow snickered, running upstairs. Finn and Hak Foo however, would not be deterred. The music started…

BACK AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP…

"Hey! I still had half my milkshake left, and that darn Moon Demon drank it up, I paid 5 fifty for-"

"We need to talk." Jade said, sitting him down.

Nick blinked stupidly. "…uh…about what?"

Jade pulled out a book from the backpack she'd brought with her and slammed it down onto the table. Nick blinked stupidly a few times. "Uh…what's this?"

"Read it, starting from the page marked with the post-it." Jade said.

Nick pulled the book open to the page and looked at what was written, reading it out loud.

"One who hath inherited the powers of concealment, one who can read what is within one's self, who can sense the secrets that people hide, one born who shall inherit the power of Shadow. He shall be the son of the Cherry Blossom and the Grand Alchemist, and he shall be known as the Demon of Shadow. He shall be revealed as the God Killer, the Destructor of Heaven, who shall bring forth a mighty tremor that will rip through the force of reality itself. This tremor shall be known as Shin Dell, who's polar opposite in the powers he possess will belong to the one who walks the path of right, who shall have the gift of different sight. He will be the Bravery of Innocence and called Demon of Light, and his name shall be Richard, who will one day join with the Innocents and become Ark of the Zodiac…"

Nick blinked. Then suddenly he realized what this was implying. Richard good. Shin Evil. Very evil. Evil enough to bring down God and Heaven and rip through reality.

"See?!?" Jade said, very concerned. "Your little Goth friend you've talked about is a GOD KILLER!"

"But…but he's harmless! A little moody when he wants to be, but otherwise fine! This book's a crock of crap." Nick turned away, then noticed a shop across from the "Ben and Jerry's". "Hey, you know that "Panera Bread" place?"

"Yeah, so?" Jade asked.

"The word "Panera" is Italian for "bread", so basically that place is called "Bread Bread"."

"Nick, quit changing the subject."

"There's nothing to worry about, Jade. Not about the Demon of Shadow anyhow. Shin's a good guy."

Suddenly Nick realized that the place had gotten empty…fast. They were all alone there at the ice cream place. Odd.

Odder still, the servers behind the counter were GONE! This wasn't good. What was even worse was what came next.

"Uh…speaking of shadow…" Jade gulped, pointing behind Nick and at the street. There, rising from shadows behind the street's shrubberies, came the Shadowkhan, creepily glaring at all of them.

Nick groaned. He stood up and faced them down. "I lost my milkshake, a good friend of mine's credibility is being questioned, and it's frickin' HOT out here. You really wanna mess with me?!?"

The answer was "yes". A couple leapt right at Nick, while the others ran at Jade. Shendu grabbed Sandi's arm and rushed her to safety while a ninja grabbed Jade's arm…

A few moments later he no longer had that arm. It had been ripped off from the shoulder by a very angry, fully-transformed Hsi Wu, who was fuming mad. All of the demons had gone into transformations and were ready to fight.

Good thing too, because dozens upon dozens of Shadowkhan had decided to take the moment to congregate on that spot. Nick knocked away the two that were trying to pin him down and took up a fighting position.

"Let's DO this! Just like old times, huh?"

Bai Tsa had remembered. Hsi Wu too. Shendu had as well…and now Tso Lan realized it.

"…N-Nick?"

"NOW you remember! Oh,well, we'll have to talk more later! Only one thing to do now…K-I-C-K-B-U-T-!"

"You forgot to add another "t", Nick." Jade snickered.

"I don't think well under pressure, okay?!!" Nick shouted as he jumped at a nearby Shadowkhan, throwing a punch. It connected, striking the Shadowkhan square in the face and sending him flying into a telephone pole. The moment he collided he burst into shadow and vanished.

Meanwhile, Bai Tsa was trying to strange one with her bare hands, much to the total horror and disgust of Jade, who dropkicked one ninja and then slammed her foot right down on his neck, making HIM burst into shadow as well. "Hey! Chill!" She shouted at Bai Tsa.

"Don't-tell-me…" CRACK! "How to do something, child." Bai Tsa hissed, getting up. She's snapped his neck. The body dissolved into nothingness, and the Water Demon hissed evilly at Jade, who gulped. Suddenly Hsi grabbed his sister's arm. "Do not even THINK about it, sister."

Bai Tsa "harrumphed" and dove at another ninja, while Hsi Wu took to the skies, grabbing a few in his hands and flying up, planning on seeing how big of a "SPLAT" they'd make when they hit the ground.

Meanwhile, Tso Lan was very calmly using his mastery of gravity to make the Shadowkhan float…but then, once they pulled out shurikens and threw them at him, he panicked. He immediately floated higher, but wasn't quite fast enough…

One hit his leg. Ouch.

As Nick and Jade both punched a Shadowkhan in the chest and face respectfully, they heard a feral, wild hiss…and then unmistakable screaming. They whipped their heads to the left and saw Tso Lan strangling four Shadowkhan ninja, each in one clawed hand.

"Nobody…ever…touches…me…" He snarled, and his claws dug in hard. Black blood oozed out from their blue skin, and then the red light faded from their eyes. Nick was horrified. Yes, these things didn't seem to have a semblance of a soul, or show the tiniest bit of humanity…but what the Moon Demon was doing was frightening.

Meanwhile, someone else was frightened. Sandi was being led away from the fighting by Shendu, but unfortunately, although he THOUGHT he'd given them the slip, several had found them and now chased them through the streets, catching the eyes of Nick. Sandi was screaming, frightened as could be, and all Nick could think was how he wished he could help…

Suddenly his watch began to vibrate. He looked down at it. What the? He…he could see his aura seeping from his arm, dripping off, swirling to the ground and forming…

A microphone? How odd. All the same, Nick picked it up and fingered it…it was tingly and felt warm in his hands. Suddenly he knew, he KNEW what he had to do. He held it to his mouth and began to sing to the song that his watch now played as his aura surged forth from his body in a spectacular light show!

**BGM: Pretty in Pink, as performed by The Grown-Ups**

_Caroline laughs and it's raining all day,  
She loves to be one of the girls!  
She lives in the place in the side of our lives  
where nothing is ever put straight!_

As he sang, Sandi and Shendu found themselves running faster then they ever had before, faster than the Shadowkhan, who simply couldn't keep up! Jade was amazed…how was Nick doing this?

As Tso and the rest of Shendu's family took regular human forms, they ran after Sandi and Shendu and the Shadowkhan, trying to knock the attackers away, and Nick continued to sing! Oddly enough, Sandi had calmed down some, and was no longer screaming!

_All of her lovers all talk of her notes  
And the flowers that they never sent…  
And wasn't she eeaaaaasaaaaaaay?  
And isn't she pretty in pink?_

"I am!" Sandi shouted as she ran by Nick, practically tugging Shendu through the air, she was ZOOMING! You go, girl!

The twosome ducked into a store and the Shadowkhan ran by. They then ran back out and rushed down the street, passing by Nick again. The freaky soulless ninjas STILL could not catch up to Sandi!

_Caroline talks to you softly sometimes  
She says 'I love you' and 'Too much'!  
She doesn't have anything you wanna to steal,  
Well…nothing you can touch!_

They couldn't help it, Nick was a great singer, both ninjas and running couple found they had to stop and dance a little. But then the Shadowkhan remembered what they'd been ordered to do and ran back after Sandi and Shendu, as the two bolted away as fat as they could, with Sandi still in the lead…

_She waaaves, she buttons your shirt,  
The traffic is waiting outside!  
She hands you this coat, She gives you her clothes  
The cars colliiide!  
_

But just as a bunch of Shadowkhan jumped from the roofs onto the ground to catch the couple by surprise, Nick's aura extended, splitting in two and grabbing several parked cars, slamming them into each other and crushing Shadowkhan in between. Taking this opportunity, Shendu and Sandi ducked into a nearby alley while Nick's aura smashed and bashed Shadowkhan away, all while "Pretty in Pink" blasted away. Finally the music ended…

Shendu and Sandi peeked outside. Nick was dusting himself off from some very nice dancing and aura manipulation. All traces of his aura and of the Shadowkhan were gone now. Shendu breathed a deep sigh of relief and held Sandi close to him. "You are safe now." He told her gently.

As he and Sandi embraced and he comforted her, whispering sweet words into her ear and bringing her close, he heard a small "shing" as a dagger was drawn. He turned around just in time to take a dagger in the chest.

Pain...a LOT of it…

Sandi's scream jolted everyone out of their daze over what Tso Lan had done to the last remaining Shadowkhan ninja. They all ran in the direction of where she and Shendu were and were horrified to see Sandi pushed against the wall, a dagger up to her neck as a Shadowkhan glared hatefully at her, then at the rest of them.

Sandi saw the demons and gasped, but she was more afraid right now of the freaky ninja with the blood red eyes than she was of them. She closed her eyes and waited for the Shadowkhan to kill her…

A "SCLHUCK" sound…

But it didn't result from her own throat.

She opened her eyes. The Shadowkhan was above her, stabbed through the chest by the claws of a very large, bronze dragon that stared angrily down at the ninja embedded on its claws.

"You tried to kill her." Shendu hissed. "That I will not tolerate." Without a hint of qualm, the tossed the ninja down and then stomped hard on him with his taloned foot. The ninja turned into black muck which then evaporated into the air. Shendu "harrumphed" then looked down at Sandi.

"Are you alright, Sandi?" He asked, shrinking down to a size that was smaller than normal, yet still considerably larger than a normal human. Sandi blinked a few times, then, frightened, asked "…J-James? Like, wow! Is that…is that you?"

"My name is Shendu, Sandi. I am the Demon of Fire…and…and I care about you."

"You…I know about you, Dad told me he worked for someone named-wait…that means you…you really _lied_ to me?"

Shendu looked away. "I've often lied. Many times to young women like you about what I want from them, what I see in them, but in you…in you I see something new. For you I have no lies. I…I do love you, Sandi. I just didn't…didn't want you to see me like this. I wanted…wanted to leave the form you see before you out of sight and mind, to…to forget it completely one day…with you."

Nick wasn't sure what to make of this. Jade was totally astonished, and the other demons? They couldn't believe the scene either. Shendu? CARING?

Finally Sandi walked up to Shendu and slapped him across the face. He thought instantly of hissing and grabbing her arm, but repressed it. "That's for totally _tricking_ me!" She shouted. "And THIS…"

She suddenly grabbed the sides of his face and forced her lips to his. Smooch.

"That's for saving me and stuff." She said, pulling away. "You're a great guy, horns or not."

"…like, wow." Shendu blushed. "Er, well, uh…I, uh, create feelings in people they themselves don't understand and-oh, that speech won't work on _you_." He turned back into his human form. "Let's go home and swim in the pool, what do you say?"

"Sure!"

Jade looked from Shendu to Sandi as they walked off. "So wait…what just happened here?"

"I dunno. Just go with it!" Nick told her. "Hey, by the way? You ever thought about-"

A few moments later, Hao, in full superheroic gear, bounded from the roof. "No need to fear, Kid Vigilante is-"

"All the Shadowkhan are already dead." Jade said.

"Aw, God…bless America!" Hao muttered. "Man, being a superhero in a town like this is hard, there's too many super-powered good guys! I should have stayed in Seattle, all it's got is Green Arrow!"

"What about Los Angeles? Oh wait, that's got Wonder Man, right?"

"He don't count." Hao spat.

About two blocks away…

"God d—n it!" Drew spat, kicking a trash barrel over. Drago and his "peeps" were sipping beers and looking at Drew's little meltdown while they played cards. Drew's other friends were all lighting up and also watching the little scene.

"That stupid b---h! She ruins everythin', man! These summoning powers Mr. Xan gave me aren't doing the trick! Those…those shadow-thingies don't do diddly-s—t!"

Drago wanted to rip Drew's arm off for threatening Jade, but he was planning on biding his time. Instead, he rubbed his chin. "You need to summon a deity of darkness." He suggested. "One who is a force of Hell…" He grinned. "I know just the guy. Has two names, great powers, and is very nasty."

"Is he good at killing people?"

"Does a bear s—t in the woods?"

"Okay, one summoning spell coming up!" Drew held up his hands and closed his eyes, beginning to chant. "Vshik ni vishanti…vshrikker kashakki…"

MEANWHILE, BACK AT KANSAS…

El Toro and Paco sat down at a table within "Five Guys Burger's and Fries" with their order. El Toro had gotten a HUGE bacon burger with a large order of fries, while Paco simply had a cheeseburger and was also helping himself to the peanuts (all free) that were stationed in opened baskets around the restaurant. Mr. Lacto sat down with them, sipping on an orange soda. He put down a rolled-up piece of paper onto the table.

"Open it up." He told them.

El Toro and Paco looked at each other. Then El Toro shrugged and opened it up.

There, before them, was a map, a map of somewhere in Kansas. There were routes all around, a highway here and there, and many a dirt road. There were scribbles all along the side of the map, and some colorfully drawn little pictures to illustrate where the mapmaker had seen different animals…

Hmm. A real-life Jackalope?

And right smack dab in the middle…

"What the? _Un bosque mágico de la_ marijuana?"

"This is the legacy of scientists who wanted one thing… to life free of the restraints the government had put on us. They wanted to be able to make something that would not only stand for what they believed in, but something that could one day really make people happy, that could help them somehow."

"Help them?"

"For medical reasons, of course."

"So they make forest of marijuana?"

"Yes."

Paco gasped. "Wow…100 acres of pure marijuana! Amazing!...but what does this have to do with-" His eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh, I see! El Toro, the piece of the bell, it must have landed inside this forest!"

"Correctamundo, my dear protégé." El Toro said. "I figured it out right away. And we can use this map to find the forest, can we not? This, uh…Marijuana Nirvana?"

"Yes, but you'd better not let anyone else know about it, especially not the government."

"Why not?" El Toro asked.

Mr. Lacto looked around nervously. Then he leaned in. "Look, that forest represents a time that the current administration simply HATES the way they hated the Clintons. When they looked at Bill and Hilary they saw bra-burning, doing drugs, getting naked, falling off of roofs while being stoned and most of all, organic food and being all "lovey dovey" with other people. To them, the Clinton's embodied all of the era's vices and none of it's virtues. This forest…to them, it would be one gigantic zit on the face of their would-be-perfect America. You let them find it, they'll torch it…and the dreams of those scientists who worked on it would have been dashed."

El Toro rubbed his goatee. "How did you come to know of this forest? Did you work on it?"

Mr. Lacto shook his head. "No, but…but a good friend of mine did. I'm actually not Native American, I'm from South America, but after I left my home country I met my good friend of mine in Central America, while he was with his family in Mexico. I helped him get across the border and got him a work visa, and the rest was history. I'm…I'm trying to do right by him."

El Toro nodded. "I understand. The bonds of friendship and trust remain strong over the years. We will find this forest, find the piece of bell, and shall make sure nobody harms it or finds this map you have entrusted to us."

Paco nodded and saluted. "You have our word of honor as masked wrestlers!"

El Toro looked down at Paco, who chuckled nervously. "Well, as a masked wrestler and a masked wrestler-in-training."

Suddenly the doors were broken open, and something was tossed in. A circular object. Mr. Lacto widened at the sight of it.

"Smoke grenade! Quick, take a deep breath and cover your mouth!" He shouted to them as smoke billowed out from the grenade, filling the room. People choked and spluttered, falling to the ground, unconscious. El Toro and Paco covered their mouths and got underneath the table, closing their eyes tightly.

A few moments later they opened them again. Mr. Lacto was nowhere to be seen…and right in front of them, unconscious, were two forms that were familiar to them. Dai Gui in his human form and Ratso, who had dropped his comics. One was sprawled out right in front of them. Paco and El Toro stood up and Paco picked up the comic book that had been right in front of them.

"Hmm. "Hellboy", huh?"

"Those things never get the eyes right." A gruff voice responded.

Paco and El Toro looked up at the figure in the doorway and then back down at the figure on the front of the comic strip…it was like seeing double. Cut-off horns…skin that was totally red…muttonchops of black hair and a large jaw…a right arm made totally out of stone and huge muscles…and shining golden eyes.

And that tail. It had…a tail.

"_El Diablo_!" El Toro shouted.

"Hellboy at your service." Hellboy said, leveling his very large and very deadly-looking gun at them. "Now then…I'll be taking that little map." He said. "And you two fine Spaniards are coming with me, as well as the two sleeping beauties snoozing down there for interrogation on charges of suspected paranormal terrorism."

"What?" El Toro looked confused. "What are you talking about? El Toro Fuerte is not a terrorist!"

"Well according to the report that the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense that's been issued by THE President himself, you four are dangerous terrorists." Hellboy explained. "Thanks to Executive Order #66D, the President now has the authority to authorize attacks on suspected paranormal and superpowered threats to the country, and I do all I can."

"Like El Justice League?" Paco asked.

"Uh…er…" Hellboy gulped. "Um…the Law requires me to say that there's no Justice League…or Power Pack…or Max Steel."

"I knew it! Yade owes me five bucks! But Naked Lad's not real, right?"

"Of COURSE not!" Hellboy said, aggravated. "Don't be f—kin' ridiculous!"

"What about Action Man?" Paco asked.

"No comment." Hellboy said in a dead voice.

"_Curaho_! Now I owe Yade 5 bucks!"

Now just, er…just come along quietly, I got places to be, annoyingly persistent demons to kill, etc, etc. In fact, a good friend of mine and I have BOTH been dispatched to places around the USA to deal with the threat you paranormal terrorists can create…"

"I do not care about that! El Toro Fuerte is not a terrorist!"

"Yes you are a terrorist, and you should shut up."

"I am NOT a terrorist!"

"The president says you ARE a terrorist."

"Not a terrorist!"

"Are a terrorist!"

"Not a terrorist!"

"Are a terrorist!"

"Not a terrorist!"

"Are a terrorist!"

Paco groaned. "How long is this going to go on?"

"About two more seconds and ending with a gunshot if yeh don't come with me!" Hellboy shouted. He cocked his gun. "Now move it!"

El Toro grumbled. "I'm not a terrorist…all right, all right. I will come with you. Just leave Paco out of this."

Hellboy shook his head. "Sorry. Normally wouldn't do this, but he's coming with me too. I said the BOTH of you are being arrested."

El Toro's eyes narrowed. He stretched himself out in front of Paco and looked firm and reslolute. "I will not let you take my protégé away!"

Hellboy aimed his gun at El Toro's head. "I am only going to say this once…I do NOT want to shoot yeh in front of the kid. So get movin'! NOW!"

El Toro shook his head. "NO."

Hellboy's eyes narrowed. "Then you leave me no choice."

He cocked and aimed just as El Toro's body moved…

A gunshot echoed throughout the shop…

**Don't forget to review! Oh, and here's another preview of the next chapter!**

**"You make me feel differently than all the others I have been with..."**

**"Executive Order released, "MAGIC REAL" says President..."**

**"Do it later, I hear a tornado coming!"**

**"I keep telling people at the school to stop fooling around with those needles!"**

**"My father...did not have a son. He spent his time running around...with Masks..."**

**"I will take that as a whopping "yes" then..."**


	29. Kansas, Pt2

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

KANSAS, PT. 2

At Valmont's home…

"I really, really like you, Shendu."

Shendu was in his human form, and he and Sandi were in Sandi's room, on her bed. She was holding his hand, and he was looking into her eyes.

"You…you are special. You make me feel differently than all the others I have been with."

"How many have you BEEN with?"

"Many…many. I have almost lost count, but…but they pale in significance to you. Just as you desire to be on that island, I desire you. You…you are my little slice of paradise."

Sandi giggled. "Aw, stop it! You're gonna make me totally blush!"

"Heh. It appears I'm already making you blush!" Shendu chuckled.

It was true. Sandi put her hand to her mouth, looking away slightly. "Gaawww…gee, you sure do know how to flatter a girl."

Shendu took her hands in his. "Sandi, I…I wish to…to make you mine. For us to mate, to marry. I love you, truly and wholly."

Sandi looked into his eyes. "You are the nicest, sweetest guy I've ever met, and…and you saved me." She smiled. "I think I…I think I love you too!"

The two came closer to each other. "I want to make love to you." Shendu whispered in her ear. Sandi gasped slightly. She'd heard about some of her schoolgirl friends doing it with guys, but she herself was a total virgin.

"Gee, I…I…"

"We don't have to if you don't want to." He told her gently, stroking her hair. Sandi shook her head.

"No, gosh, I'd…I'd love to…to do it with you, I'm just a little nervous…"

Shendu laughed softly and slid off the bed, going to the bathroom. He brought back a cup of water. "Drink up, it'll calm you down." He told her.

She did so, and then looked at his open palm…the symbol of two tigers almost intertwined was glowing.

"Spiritual balance." He said softly. "It will calm you…if you want."

Sandi nodded. He held the shining symbol to her head and Sandi felt a cool breeze of sorts wash over her from within. She let out a sigh that sounded like a spring zephyr and smiled at Shendu. "I'm…I'm ready."

(WARNING! The next scene is graphic in a sexual way, very graphic. So if you don't want to read anything related to sex then I would suggest you scroll past this part and look for the repeated "JCA" that will mark the parts where the scene starts and when it ends.)

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA

Sandi began to undress as Shendu closed and locked the door for her. Soon she was wearing nothing but her cute, pink bra and a shy smile. She leaned back on the bed as Shendu gently crawled over her. He had undressed as well, and was smiling at her with bedroom eyes.

"We need not do the act itself, so would you like me to pleasure you in a different way instead?" He asked her gently.

"Yes, but…could you…do it in your other form?" Sandi requested.

Shendu looked a bit surprised. "What? You…want my other form? Well…I can't refuse that face of yours. But I'll start off small, work my way up."

He stepped off the bed and Sandi watched him transform. He became his normal, draconic form, but now he was slightly smaller, although still larger than her by at least twice her size. He approached her, his eyes changing from red to a deep, loving dark bronze, almost matching his scales.

He laid over her, long neck snaking down to her womanhood. Sandi closed her eyes and allowed him to tease the area around it for a few moments…and then she felt his tongue enter her. She gasped; it was a bit of a shock, but then relaxed as his tongue began to lick up her essence.

Shendu was amazed at how wonderful his beloved tasted within. He began slurping wildly…he wanted more, so much more…

He raised his head, essence dripping slightly from his jaws. He licked it free with his snaky tongue and smiled down at her. "Would you like something more?" He asked. "It may be a bit harsher and cause you some pain…I wouldn't want you to suffer, but you would also enjoy it, much more than I can see you're enjoying this."

Sandi nodded. She knew he was being truthful. Shendu stroked a lock of hair free from her head and then stepped off the bed once more, transforming. Now he was almost at full form, as tall as the room would allow, and just as mighty. His arm muscles bulged as he reached out, scooping her up gently in his claws. He gently licked her cheeks and neck, and she moaned slightly.

"I want you…" He whispered. He then held her up to his jaws and began to drink of her, slurping loudly. She lay back and moaned slightly. It did hurt a little, but then the pain was gone and there was only the pleasing sensation of his tongue drinking her from within.

He wanted more…MORE…

She suddenly was lifted up, his head tipped back, she slid right into his open jaws, which closed. For a moment she was afraid, but then she felt his tongue, now so thick and long in comparison, enter her even more savagely, even more passionately than before. He raised his head back, arms held out and looking as though he was accepting a gift from the heavens itself. He closed his eyes and continued to feast between her legs with his tongue, careful not to chew. Sandi held onto her breasts, squeezing gently, feeling so much pleasure.

Finally he had drunken his fill. He gently knelt down and lowered his mouth to the bed, his tongue snaking out and depositing her onto it. He removed his tongue from her womanhood and then slowly shrank to his smaller demon form. Laying over her, he suckled her breasts, his chest rumbling against her, making her feel like she was on a comforting vibrating chair.

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA,JCA,JCA, JCA,JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA,

JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA JCA, JCA,JCA

He then nuzzled her neck. "Did you enjoy that?" He whispered into her ear.

"…yes…" She gasped. "It felt…good…"

"I'm glad." Shendu said, lovingly licking her neck.

"I'm…I'm just, like, so sleepy now…" Sandi said, wrapping her arms around him as he lay next to her. He nodded slowly. "I understand. Let's rest."

She closed her eyes and leaned into his smooth, muscular chest. His beating heart serenaded her to sleep and as she snoozed, the Fire Demon gently stroked her body, crooning softly as he embraced her, tail wrapping around her, his mate, his bride-to-be, his beloved Sandi.

"I love you…" They whispered to each other in their dreams.

MEANWHILE…

"I'm not happy Xan." The Grand Lord of Hell said calmly.

Xan was collapsed on the ground, groaning in horrible pain. His back had been whipped raw, and now leeches were being strategically placed in a "HA-HA" fashion on his back by Astaroth, so that he'd have the scars for days. Astaroth was gobbling a few down every other letter, so Lucifer (who was also attending to Xan's punishment) had to hit him with the broad side of his sword.

"I'm…not…happy."

Xan gasped in pain. Just kill me and be done with it, part of him thought. But he knew that he could still come out on top if he thought quickly.

"My lord…you know…I am truly sorry for inconvieniencing you…"

"I know you are. All you screamed for the past fifteen minutes was "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over." The Grand Lord said, calmly placing his hands together in front of himself. "But I'm still…not…happy. And not even punishing you like this will make me happy. Now then…a smart idea from you, that would be good. You using the sign of Tarakudo, Master of Shadowkhan and Lord of Oni…that was smart. That I liked. Unfortunately it appears as if the tattoo on your arm…" He gestured towards it. "Can't account for all the others…and if you tried putting ANOTHER sign of ANOTHER general…well, that would rend your soul asunder."

"I…I have more plans…" Xan gasped out. The Grand Lord of Hell looked intrigued. "What? Calling Daolong Wong? Or perhaps-"

"No, that dark chi wizard cannot be trusted…" Xan panted, wanting to stand up, but feeling so horribly weak. "I…I do know…how to summon forces to do our bidding…forces from other…existences…from other worlds…would this not please you…Grand…Lord?"

The Grand Lord stood up, rubbing his chin. "Hmm…you are aware of summoning spells that can shatter the boundaries of the walls of the nexus upon which all realities are perched upon?" The Grand Lord grinned. "This…pleases me Xan. I am feeling happy. Much happier. Who did you have in mind? You know that a sacrifice of a soul is necessary for a summoning of this caliber…"

Xan chuckled. "That…that is not…a problem…"

"Hmm…this is interesting…"

Back at the Antique's shop, Jackie was looking at the newspaper. "Executive Order released, "MAGIC REAL" says President. Wow. This is going to be a lot to swallow for people."

"Is better this way." Uncle said. "Things are changing and quickly, people need to change with them, to adapt and LEARN."

"What made him decide to admit this?" Jackie wondered.

HOW IT HAPPENED:

"Ooh, "You may have already won 52 million"!" "Dubya" exclaimed, clicking onto the "Open" button of his private, super-secure and safe e-mail account, which was password encrypted, firewalled and totally kept out of public view.

The moment he opened the file, a boxing glove suddenly thrust out from the screen, punching Georgie across the room. He collided hard with the wall and slid down it.

"BAM! Bush got PUNK'D." Sandi laughed. "Thanks Mr. King."

"Wow. E-magic!" Valmont exclaimed. "What WILL they think up next?"

"Thank you, Sandi." King told her. "Now then, who wants to see me send a gremlin into Dick Cheney's office?"

"Ooh-ooh!" Ratso begged, hand held high along with the rest of the enforcers. "We do, we do!"

PRESENT:

Jade opened the door and led Nick inside. Nick was trying to make a point across, but Jade wasn't listening. "Uncle, talk some sense into Nick!"

"Oh what?" Uncle asked.

"Doesn't the Triforce mean gay pride?" Jade asked.

Instantly an image of a rainbow-colored upside-down triangle popped up in Nick's mind, along with several same-sex couples hugging underneath it. In particular, Zelda and Saria, and Link and Ganondor-EWWWW! Okay, maybe not Link and Ganondorf. Dark Link and Link though…hmm…

"I thought it was something religious." Jackie wondered out loud. "Like the Holy Trinity."

Now an image of Link on Epona riding into the main capital of Hyrule appeared, as people waved palm fronds and fanned him as he entered. They were all cheering and going "Hosanna, hey-sanna-sanna-sanna-Hosanna, hey-sanna-hosannaaaa!" He smiled instantly at the little thought.

(Note the cunning way an author can take up writing space.  )

"You waste Uncle's time on something like thaaaaat!?!" Uncle complained.

"Well that conversation sorta started up while we were on our way here, but uh…" Jade cleared her throat. "We just got distracted from talking about how he still thinks Shin's a good guy!"

"He IS! He's harmless! Look, the others are nice too, and they're nice because I gave them something nobody EVER gave them…a chance to have a normal, good life!"

AN EXAMPLE OF THAT NORMAL LIFE:

"WHADDYA MEAN, I GOTTA GET A JOB?!?"

King shook his head at the fuming and raging Xiao Fung as they stood outside of the garage as Julian Valmont wailed, slamming his fists into the ground, shoulders shaking in sobs. "My g-g-g-garaaaage! Noooooo! You stupid, stupid frog…"

"Stupid Wind Demon." Hak Foo muttered. Chow was laughing madly. "Lookit all you got to clean up! Ha!"

"Stupid, stupid Wind Demon!"

"He broke the ceiling? Oh my God, he actually broke the _ceiling_ of the garage, man he musta been FLYIN'!"

"Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

Then Chow noticed something in the rubble. A huge box labeled "Ray Bans" that had been crunched up worse than one of Nick's math tests that had a bad grade on it. "AAA! My order of new sunglasses!"

"Semi-stupid Wind Demon." Hak Foo said, a smile coming onto his face.

"I am NOT going to give you any money to pay for what you did to Julian's Ferrari and his garage. You ruined Sandi's soccer trophy case, good thing they weren't actually IN there yet, since Hak Foo didn't put them _in_ yet, he still has to clean up the kitchen and the basement before he moves onto cleaning up the rubble from YOUR mess!"

"B-b-b-but…"

King poked Xiao Fung in the stomach. "Listen little toad, you shall have to pay 5000 dollars worth of damages, and that's for the garage alone. The Ferrarri is going to cost you 10, 000 dollars worth of repairs."

"But, but it could take MONTHS to pay for that stuff!"

"Well you'd better get started." King said, pulling out the "Classified" section of the local newspaper from thin air. Boy, wasn't magic just the shiznit? "Here, look, you can get a job as a Hospital orderly, they pay good money at this hospital, and I have some contacts who can set you up…"

BACK TO THE SHOP!

Uncle took off his glasses and sighed. Jackie realized that the old man was VERY upset, he always did this when he was about to say something intense.

"Child…I know you believe in your heart that what you've done is a good, but…it is not always wise to interfere with the natural order. Because you did so, who knows what the consequences could be? What you have done could turn out to be a first order good that will cause a second order evil…"

Nick looked honestly hurt. "I'll have you know that…"

"I see black peopllllleee!" Suddenly Hao, still in superhero gear, was sent flying through the window of the antiques shop, knocking over three vases, two chests and many fancy rings and ancient tomes. Uncle pulled at his hair. The vigilante hero groaned and got back up. "Remember when I was complaining about the lack of action? I take it back…maybe less action's not a bad thing! Drew brought a friend…"

"Oh come on, don't tell me THAT is the best you have! You who chose the path of light over the road to darkness should have more spirit! Ha-ha-ha!"

A blond-haired man with a face like a brightly burning sun was standing in the center of the street, with Drew and his friends next to him. He was wearing a Grecian toga, sandals and had a very pretty face…as well as a freaking HUGE bow with deadly-looking arrows that were oozing blood. Jade walked outside with Nick and the others, shocked. "Drew?!? What the hell?!?"

"Watch your mouth." Nick quickly said.

"You think you're the only one with superpowered friends? I got me friends too, Jade!" Drew sniggered. "Meet Apollyon, or Abbadon. He's actually a physical manifestation of the Pit itself! Sheol incarnate and known as the Destroyer."

"Hello." Apollyon said.

"You kind of look like-" Jade started.

"Some gods have two sides to them…get it?"

"Ohhhh. So does that mean you're good with those arrows?"

"He's good with the arrows." Hao mumbled in pain. "He shot me in the gonads five times before I could blink. Thank God I wear a steel cup and he was using REGULAR arrows."

Apollyon drew his bow. "Yep, I guess I'm going to have to use the BIG guns on you!" He snickered. He aimed a bleeding arrow at them. "This kind of arrow is called a Soul Render."

TWANG!

"GUESS WHAT IT DOES?!?"

Nick shoved Jade out of the way, and the arrow barely missed his shoulder. He jumped out of the window and into the street with Jade right behind him.

"Jade, you gotta get out of here-"

"Need some help?" From the skies he came flapping down, the Sky Demon had made an appearance! "Always willing to help, my dear-"

"I am NOT going to be your mate!"

"Aw, a lover's spat!" Drew laughed. "Apollyon, waste those mother-"

"Watch your mouth!" Nick shouted. He thrust his hand out, right at the demon that Drew had summoned. "RAY OF LIGHT!"

A burst of light energy shot out from his hand. Apollyon ducked and fired off another arrow. This time Nick didn't dodge quite fast enough. It hit into his side and he screamed horribly, blood flowing onto the ground. He grabbed his side and groaned.

"It is not simply your side I have wounded, but your very soul! Two more hits and I SHATTER it, and you shall be naught but an empty shell…perfect as a slave." Apollyon snickered. Nick stood back up.

"I am…not going to let you win…"

"WE won't." Jackie said, stepping out of the shop with Uncle. Jackie's hands were glowing brightly with a magical green aura, as Uncle aimed his puffer fish. "We'll send him back to Hell together!"

Apollyon laughed and jumped up into the sky. He began hovering around. "Well then don't be shy, fools! Come and meet your end!"

He drew his bow again, but this time everyone split. Drew growled. "That chink b---h is mine!" He snarled, running after Jade, a switchblade in his back pocket.

Nick ducked into an alley just as another arrow whizzed by him, missing his ear. He gasped. The pain was gone, as was the blood. But now he needed to patch up his shirt! Darn that demon! Frack him! Frack him to Heck!

He jumped out of the alley, kicking off the wall and aiming a punch at the demon…but he missed, hitting the ground instead. The demon was annoyingly quick, and kept laughing.

"Come on, it's time to meet your doom!" Apollyon laughed, firing off a barrage of quick, pure-black arrows. "STINGING BARRAGE!"

Nick gulped. "I'm in over my heaaad!" He shielded himself, fully prepared to endure the pain of 5 dozen arrows or so going into him…

But then he looked up. He realized that…his aura was blocking the arrows! It had manifested itself into a shimmering shield. "What the?...how?"

"Tricky little brat!" Apollyon growled. He aimed his bow again. "Once I'm done with you, and if Master Drew did not kill the Asian Sensation, I'm going to-"

But this time it was Hsi Wu who came to the rescue! He had flown high up into the air to pick up speed and promptly slammed headfirst into Apollyon. The bow fell loose as both demons tumbled to the ground, each biting, kicking and maiming each other.

"DON'T-YOU-THREATEN-JADE!" The Sky Demon howled.

Jackie picked the bow up and broke it in half. He held up his glowing hands. "Uncle, your aura magnification spell is working great!"

"Do not disturb Uncle's chanting!" Uncle snapped. "Must cast reverse summoning!Yu mo gui gwi fai ti zao!"

Apollyon shoved the Sky Demon off and saw the wreckage of his bow. "My bow! My baby!" He howled. He snarled and spat on the ground. "Now you will pay…" He raised up his hands and shouted, a strange pentagram appearing below him. "Come forth, my servants! I INVOKE THEE: HORDE!"

A large, blood-red pit opened up in front of them…and from it came a loud buzzing.

Nick knew what it was. "JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!" He shouted. "What?" Jade wanted to know. "Have you ever read "Left Behind?" Nick asked in a fearful tone.

Apollyon laughed. "That's _right_! I really should be thanking the good doctor Lafaye later on! I'll pay him a visit after my babies sting you to death!" A huge swarm of locusts came forth. They were strangely designed, with bodies like horses, heads like that of men, and stingers upon the ends of their bodies. They all were chanting Apollyon's name.

"Attack!" The demon shouted.

Uncle however, looked nonplussed. He calmly watched as they flew towards him, the closest human around…

And then stopped, sniffing him. They then shook their heads and flew off to Jackie, who looked very unnerved. They sniffed him too, then shook their heads.

"What the?" Nick exclaimed.

Apollyon suddenly slapped his head. "Oh, f—k me! I forgot! They can only punish nonbelievers!"

They had already checked Hsi Wu and were now floating off somewhere else…in JADE'S direction. "Oh no! Jade, duck!" The Sky Demon shouted.

Jade did, fully expecting to be attacked, but they passed over here and went right…at…Drew.

Guess who was a practicing atheist?

Drew promptly ran screaming down the street. Apollyon slapped his head as the Horde chased after him through the air, stinging his butt and back over and over. "Ugh…I made a vow not to harm him or else he'd get his money back! Now I'm going to be sent back to the Pit!" He was slowly pulled down into the ground, into the pentagram symbol below his feet. He pointed angrily at our group of do-gooders…and the Sky Demon.

"You haven't seen the last of us though! There are plenty of us just ready to-"

"GET DOWN HERE!" A voice angrily shouted. It sent shivers up through everyone's spine. Apollyon screamed and was sucked down with a "SCHLOOP" sound.

Jade blinked. "Oh wow…"

Hsi walked over to her. "Are you alright?" He asked gently. He offered her his hand. She took it, looking into his eyes, and then let go. "I can get up on my own." She muttered. Nick walked over. "Jade, you okay? Drew didn't hurt you did he?"

"He didn't get the chance. He tried to sneak up on me but I heard him coming and kneed him in the balls. That's when he started chasing after me like all crazy and stuff." She said. Nick smiled. "I'm glad everyone's okay, and that Drew didn't do anything to you Jade."

He suddenly blinked a few times and looked away, blushing. With that, Jade walked in to the antiques shop, calling out "I'll go make everyone some lemonade!"

Hsi Wu walked up to Nick. "Nick, I need your help." He begged, pulling him aside, casting a quick glance at the antiques shop. "I, I want Jade to like me, but…but I don't want to scare her off!"

"No offense, but you kind of scare her…period."

The Sky Demon groaned. "What can I do then?"

"Well…just try being her friend, a true friend. Like we are!"

"…you…you really think that she'll come to accept me as a friend? I'm not that good with being nice all the time…"

"Remember that conversation we had on playing pretend? Well start playing, and before you know it, you won't need to pretend at all. Now go in and help her make some lemonade!" With that, he slapped Hsi on the back and the Sky Demon yelped, but walked into the antiques shop in his human form, fumbling nervously with the door handle before opening it up.

"NOW what?"

"Can I help with the lemonade?"

"…you _just_ want to help with the lemonade?"

Nod-nod-nod.

"...okay, sure. Can you reach the sugar?"

Jackie sighed. "I hope Paco and El Toro are having an easier time than us." "I hope Dai and Ratso are okay." Nick thought out loud.

AS IT WERE…

"…you got my respect…"

"El Toro, I had no idea!"

"Yes, it is a rare skill. Few possess it."

"I ain't never seen an ordinary human headbutt a bullet outta the way. Yer alright in my book. Want I should buy you a drink?"

Dai Gui and Ratso had been totally surprised to see what had happened. El Toro had HEADBUTTED the bullet down! And now he, Hellboy and Paco were all at the same table…even though the place was still full of unconscious people.

"Well, okay, a drink would be very nice, senor."

"Sure. I'll go mix you up something. And kid, yer too young, I'll get you a Shirley Temple, how's that?" Hellboy asked, going behind the counter and moving the bartender's fat body aside to get the drinks.

"Oh, okay. Too bad, I wanted to try a Bloody Ma-"

"Paco!"

"Sorry El Toro. I have to go to the Bathroom anyway."

"Be sure to wash your hands." El Toro told him as he walked off. Hellboy raised an eyebrow as he sat down with the drinks he'd mixed.

"You sure care a lot about him."

"He is like a…a son to me." El Toro said. "I…" He sighed. "My father, he did not ever think I could be a good wrestler. He…he was a professional wrestler, very good, the best, but…but he was not a very good father…"

"Did he beat yeh?" Hellboy asked.

"…yes, and…once, he…he locked me in a closet because he caught me trying on stretchy pants."

Hellboy spat on the ground. "Son of a bitch."

"My…father also…hit me…" Dai Gui whispered.

El Toro and Hellboy looked down at Dai Gui, who had reverted to a miniaturized demon form. "I…I heard him…doing things to…to Bai Tsa and he hit Po Kong, and he…he beat Dai Gui's brothers. I…I tried to stop him, he hit me so HARD…he had a whip."

El Toro knew this beast was a demon, but the story was so sad he couldn't help but feel some pity for Dai Gui, who tried to stand up and staggered. "Oh, my head…" He muttered, helping Ratso up. "Dai Gui needs a drink…"

"You're not the only one." Ratso said. "You make a good martini?" He asked Hellboy. Hellboy sighed. "Sure, why not?" He walked back behind the counter and made up a martini, shaking it up hard with his solid stone right arm. "After the Prez passes the Executive Order#66U, it's all I'll probably be doing anyways." He muttered.

"Huh?" Dai Gui asked, confused. Hellboy walked over with the drinks and handed them to Dai Gui and Ratso as they sat down.

"The President's been feeling threatened by capes…superheroes, supervillains, that kinda stuff."

"Ohhh. Really?" Ratso asked.

"So he's been passing stuff to keep tabs on them. I was talking to my buddy about this just yesterday, the other "cape hunter" I told you about?"

A LITTLE WHILE AGO…

"I don't like being "owned" by anyone, not even the president. ESPECIALLY not THIS president. He's a f—king tool."

"I know, but we gotta do what he sez."

"…whatever."

"How's that succubus girl of yours?"

CLICK. "Take it back. Trish is NOT a succubus."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure she is-"

KA-CLICK!

"All right, all right! I take it back! Calm down, kid! Sheesh, half-demons…"

PRESENT…

"But now the wanna-be cowboy's gonna pass something that'll require all superheroes here in the states teh turn themselves in unless they give up their services to the United States Government."

Ratso, who had been in mid-sip, spat. "WHAT!?! You can't do that! HE can't do that! That…that ain't right!"

"…that is rather disturbing. Super-powered beings should not be working for the government." Dai Gui said simply. "They should be left alone…or RUNNING things. Not being used as servants."

"It'll apply teh supervillains too. I guess Ol' Dubya wants teh be able to use them all he wants…"

"WHAT?!? That is unconscionable!" El Toro shouted. Paco, who had come back from the bathroom, was amazed that El Toro knew a big, fancy word like "Unconscionable", and impressed with his surrogate father's new vigor. What El Toro didn't know was that Paco had been able to hear the conversation that had been happening before. "Where is this "Dubya"? I will perform a Half-Nelson with a Full Hitch upon his sorry cowboy behind!"

"That'll have to wait." Mr. Latco said, walking back into the bar. "You've got to get to the forest. There's a tornado on its way…this IS part of Tornado Alley and all."

"WHAT?!?" Hellboy shouted. "But-but the reports that were given me said…"

Reciting from memory, Mr. Latco calmly finished what he was about to say. "Clear skies, tornadoes not to be a problem, not for weeks. Atmospheric pressure normal and average temperature of 79.5 degrees Fahrenheit. Good luck, Hellboy. Sincerely, George W. Bush."

Hellboy blinked a few times, stupidly. "H-h-how?..." He croaked.

"Somebody's been manipulating a lot of people lately." Mr. Latco said. "But you've ALL got to get moving. Unfortunately, your Jeep outside won't take you." He added sadly. "Your tires have run out of air."

"They set me up! Those f—kin' sonsofb--ches!" Hellboy shouted. "I'm gonna-"

"Do it later, I can hear the tornado coming!" Paco shouted. Sure enough, a loud roar was ripping through everyone's ears…it was coming. Quickly.

"I already evacuated the townsfolk outside the bar!" Mr. Latco shouted. "But I don't know how I'm going to-"

Dai Gui suddenly roared, and in a burst of light transformed into his full demon form. He grabbed as many as he could in his hands. "Grab the rest." He told them all. "Then grab hard onto Dai Gui's horns. We are…going under."

A few moments later they were tunneling as fast as they could out of the path of the tornado. And about five more minutes later they'd reached a safe distance. Surfacing, Dai Gui deposited the people he'd rescue from the tavern on the ground, while everyone else hopped off with the people THEY'D grabbed.

"Phew…" El Toro said. Then he took a good look around.

"Queeee?" He asked out loud, surprised.

"Is…is this place what I think it is?" Ratso wondered.

"I don't believe it…" Paco gasped.

"Believe it." Mr. Latco said. "Welcome to the Marijuana Forest where the golden thing from the sky fell. This is my friend's life work…100 acres of pure marijuana."

They'd tunneled right to the front of the marijuana forest! What a stroke of luck! They all began to do a victory dance. The forest was beautiful, long tall shafts of thick trees with marijuana all around them, as well as several other flowers like roses, carnations and lilies that added a "Happy lovey hippie" feeling to the place. As they walked through it, Ratso began stuffing all he could into his pockets. "Finn'll pay me good money for this stuff! He's into all that 70's stuff!...or is marijuana 60's?"

"Marijuana is ALL ages." Dai Gui snickered. He dug into the ground and pulled out two huge stones with a single clawed hand. Then he uprooted a small tree of marijuana and using the stones to light it up, began to smoke the tree. His eyes became bloodshot and he let out a "whooooo".

"Is it just Dai Gui, or are the lilies walking towards me?"

"It's just you…" El Toro groaned.

"Nah, I see 'em too!" Paco mumbled. Ratso had fallen to the ground and was laughing very, very hard. Where on EARTH did they get a lighter from?

"PACO!" El Toro shouted. "Shame on you!" He pulled his protégé aside and smacked him upside the head. "You are too young!"

"Fuh-first one to…to find the…the thingy…the golden thingy's…is a…isa…a thingy!" Ratso giggled, stumbling up as best he could. "Shoulda…shoulda borrowed Finn's roach clip, it's HUGE…"

Mr. Latco sighed. "I'm going to set up a fire. I think we should rest for the night, have them sleep it off…"

MEANWHILE…

"Honey? I, uh, I think we need to talk."

Valmont was on the phone with his wife, who was trying not to be angry…and sort of failing. Valmont was NOT on good terms with her, he hadn't been for several years.

"Oh really? About WHAT?"

"I think we should get together and talk. A picnic maybe. I'll invite everyone, you can, meet my uh…my "new guests"."

"Will Sandi be there?"

"Of course."

"Good. Because I've got a few things I want to say to her in front you, and vice versa, you bloody little-ARGH!!! There are so many things I want to say right now and if it wasn't for this stupid Patriot Act and the wiretapping of phones…"

Julian groaned. "Honey lumps, please don't be like that!"

"Don't call me honey lumps! We're NOT dreamy-eyed teens anymore!"

"But you always loved being called honey-lumps!" Julian begged.

"That seems to be the only thing about our relationship you DO remember, since you forgot my birthday four times, mixed up my age on my 40th, forgot to pay alimony for three months, forgot how long we've been married AND forgot our favorite song!"

Julian looked honestly offended. "I don't remember the name, but I know how it goes!" He told her quickly.

"Then hum it, Jules." His wife said simply.

"_Fine_." He began to hum it. "Da-da-dum-da-da-daa-daa, da-da-dum-da-da-daa-daa!"

His wife's reply was cold, brief and to the point. "Are you humming the "Let's All Go to the Movies song?"

"Is…that not our song?"

"It's sung by bleedin' **hot dogs**, you great, big, _sodding __**wanker**_!" The rest of the conversation was one-sided and filled with British swears and curses that were so vehement that the Secret Service agents listening in on the conversation from over in Washington DC finally couldn't take anymore and hung up.

THE NEXT DAY…

Down the street, at the nearby hospital…

"Okay Mr, uh…Mr. Corey Damon…we're happy to have you on the Saint Seiya Memorial Hospital Staff."

"Corey" nodded politely. The sooner he could get the garage and car paid off, the better. The head chief of staff continued.

"Now, since you're new, I'm going to have you start on emptying patient's bedpans." With that, the chief gave him a list of patients that he would take care of, complete with the room numbers, and bade him farewell. However, Xiao had no idea what he was supposed to do. He'd never worked in a hospital before, and most of all…

"Uh, what's a bedpan?" He asked a nearby orderly, an Asian man with long brown hair. The man looked at him with obvious pity. "You're new, huh? Well bedpan work…it's kind of…nasty."

"Can't be THAT nasty." "Corey", who was really Xiao Fung, said, going off to the first patient's room. His cell phone rang and he picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey Windy boy!"

"Hello, Nick…" Xiao had recently remembered Nick as well. Hearing his voice lifted the Wind Demon's spirits. "I've been assigned bedpan duty. You're going to pick me up later, right?"

"We will, but I'm coming in to help you out, since it's your first day and all that."

"All right, meet me outside of the hospital at my lunch break."

AT LUNCH…

Xiao walked out of the hospital towards the bus stop where the others were waiting. Nick was sitting on a bench, singing a slightly haunting song about a courier.

"I am a coooourier! Crawling iiiiin the dirt! Toward the front line…as the crow flies…a note stashed in my shirt! From the Priiiince of Wales! Far above the field! With his marshals…and their chainmail…their banners taaaut and high! I did not ask him what the note said…and he did not offer to explain…it's not my job to ask the questions! I'm just the coooourier! I'm just a coooourier…"

He noticed Xiao was approaching and stopped singing, standing up. He didn't notice that there was an odd multicolored tinge left behind on the part of the bench he'd been sitting in.

"Well? How was it?" Nick asked Xiao. "What did they make you do?"

Xiao looked very pale, and was unable to speak.

"Xiao? How bad was it?"

"I…I can't…I can't describe it."

"It couldn't have been THAT bad." Jade said. She, Nick and Hsi Wu had come on the same bus to the hospital. Hsi was, obviously, in human form.

Xiao grinned grimly. "Fine. Nick, come with me and I'll show you."

"Okay." Nick said. There was something he felt he had to say to Xiao, some feelings he had to get off his chest.

Unfortunately, he wouldn't get the chance.

ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER…

"OH. MY. GOD!" Everyone's head turned from the bus stop as they saw Nick rushing quickly out of the hospital, a horrified expression on his face. He looked like he'd been kicked in the nuts while standing over a blocked Porta-potty. "If a Pansexual tells you that it's sick, IT'S _**SIIIIICK**_!" He screamed.

Hsi Wu looked at Jade. He tried to recall Nick's words.

"Just be a friend, just be a good friend." He thought to himself. "All right…I can do this." He opened his mouth. "Maybe we should go see a movie." He suggested. "A comedy, to get Nick's mind off of what it just saw."

"As long as there's no potty humor!" Jade snickered.

"Not funny-URK! My _stomaaaaach_!" He complained. "Oh my God! ARGH…uh…a…a movie would be great! But…OW, does anyone have any "Tums"?"

Hsi Wu motioned him over. Nick sat down next to him. The Sky Demon put his hand on Nick's stomach, and closed his eyes. "Heal." He muttered.

A moment later, the pain was gone.

"What the?"

"Simple healing spell. I know a little, just not much. Tso Lan knows more, he…he vowed to after…after Mother died."

Jade saw the sadness in the Sky Demon's eyes and said "I'm sorry. I had no idea. I wish we could send her a cure for TB through some time portal or something…"

"I could have been able to do something too." Xiao said in a depressed fashion. "I'm somewhat of an expert on the symptom's of diseases and on treating them."

"How come?" Nick asked.

"Well he's experienced plenty of diseases in his life." Hsi explained. "And if what he's been telling me recently is true, his experiences here in San Fran have helped his medical expertise."

"I keep telling people at the school to stop fooling around with those needles!" Jade said. Nick gulped. The Sky Demon went on. "He's gotten sick from Bubonic plague or Black Death, marijuana, crystal meth. Monkey pox, pop rocks, radiation from fallen rocks…"

"I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten closer to that thing from the sky, that meteor gave me rashes in places that shouldn't exist."

"He's gotten LSD, and West Nile too, and practically every kind of flu. Spanish flu and Asian flu, Hong Kong flu, Stomach flu, Avian flu, swine flu and really any kind of flu in where the only way you could really GET it is to have sex with the animal it's named for."

"**Hrmm?!" **Nick suddenly exclaimed as he whipped his head at the Sky Demon, making a sound like a dog that had been suddenly kicked in the butt from behind.

"…I hope I don't have Dog flu." Xiao muttered.

"**HRMM?!?"**

"Anyhow, if we had a way to travel back in time, Xiao or Tso could save Blossom." Hsi lamented.

"Too bad the Book of Ages is gone." Nick said. Jade nodded. "Yeah, too-"

Suddenly her eyes widened. She put two and two together and turned on Nick. "That book! The Book of Ages! You had it in your backpack somehow and you lost it! THAT'S what you were looking for on that night!" She said quickly, angrily.

"Uh…well…yeah…"

"What on EARTH did you do with it?" She asked. "Uncle says that if the Dark Forces get ahold of it…"

"It's in awful shape." Nick told her. "Can't be used. I used it so often, so much, that I pretty much fracked it up. So don't worry."

"Anyhow, let's go see that movie." Hsi Wu said. He rubbed his chin. "Too bad that movie "Night at the Museum" isn't playing for a little while…"

"Yeah, that's the one starring Ben Stiller, right?" Nick asked. "I LOVE his movies!"

"Ever seen "There's Something About Mary"?" Jade asked.

"No, should I see it?"

"Uh, DUH!" Jade said. "You haven't LIVED until you've seen that movie! Let's go rent it!"

MEANWHILE…

"So it's really that good?"

"I'm telling you, it's that good."

Mr. Latco was talking to El Toro, who was sitting across from a snoozing Paco, who was in the middle of Dai Gui and Ratso. All were still quite asleep.

"Hmm. "There is Something about Mary"."

"No, no, just "There's Something About Mary". There's no "Is" in the movie title."

"What IS this thing about Mary?"

"You'll have to watch it. Did you, uh, see "Nacho Libre"?"

El Toro grunted. Mr. Latco took this as a "yes" and smiled coyly. "So tell me something." El Toro asked. "You…you are Native American? Your name is not-"

"Oh, I'm not Native American. I'm Central American actually. I'm just up here to help out some friends." Mr. Latco said. His gaze then turned sour. "Unfortunately some have conspired to keep me from here." He muttered something El Toro couldn't hear. "In any case, I'm glad we've made it to the forest…and it seems our friends are waking up."

"The Earth Demon is no friend of mine, and neither is his gray-skinned friend." El Toro said angrily. The Central American sighed.

"He saved your life, and other innocent lives. They BOTH did. You owe them thanks."

El Toro was silent as the three who had been sleeping woke up, rubbing their eyes or yawning. In Dai Gui's case, his yawning was so loud he shook the earth and the trees, making birds fly away in a huff. "I suppose I should thank you for…for escorting us here." El Toro told him. The Earth Demon was quiet. "So…thank you."

Dai Gui smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "No need...it was really nothing much, mortal. And uh…by the way…Dai Gui thinks we should be leaving now before we are tempted to smoke more of this weed."

"I'm still packing some in my pockets." Ratso said stubbornly.

"Why would we want to leave?" El Toro asked. Dai Gui grinned and held out his palms. "Nothing up my sleeve…" He then reached up to his hair and pulled something out. "Presto!"

"Well whaddya know." Ratso said. "The bell piece!"

"Dai Gui found it last night while chasing after giant bunny. Dai Gui likes bunnies."

"………" El Toro's pride would not allow him to comment on losing the bell piece to Dai Gui, but his desire to chuckle madly at Dai Gui's love of bunnies that had been fueled by a drug-induced hallucination was rising in him. Luckily…or maybe not so luckily…something happened that stopped his laughter dead. Something that moved through the shadows of the trees, stepping out for all of them to see, something…very…VERY…evil.

"Well, well, well." Leviathan stepped in front of them all, beaming in a proud yet evil fashion. "I'm grateful you found that bell for me. Hand it over please. I WANT it." She uttered the word with such ferocity it made El Toro shiver. Then she noticed Mr. Latco, who was sitting down comfortably, and a look of hatred came over her face.

"Actually, scratch that. I want something more than that…I want what you have…I want that power, that…that FREEDOM you have, that f—king smug attitude!"

"…you WANT a smug attitude?"

"I…I just want to be free of this! The same as the rest of us! But you, you and those others, you have that freedom!"

"No we don't, not yet. Only when-"

Leviathan screeched. "DON'T TALK TO ME! If you won't give me my freedom, if you won't tell me your secret, I'll rip your power from you, that power I deserve to have! I deserve it!"

El Toro looked her over. "This is…who?"

"Leviathan." Dai Gui muttered in a mix of anger, fear and pity. "The first to fall in the Great War, sent to Hell by Raphael, the one whom at one point she might have become husband to. She is the Lord Demon of Envy…"

"Correct!" Leviathan said proudly. "And one of the only two girl Lord Demons. Lillith's the other one. Lucky girl, she's not only the Lord Demon of Lust, she's the Female counterpart of the Mind of the Devil. I think I should have that job, what do you think?"

"I think you're _loco_!" Paco said. "Get her, El Toro!"

"Oh, I didn't come alone." She said, sneering. "Oh Tezcatlipoca! Come on out!"

"Tezcatlipoca?" El Toro gasped. Another figure emerged from the trees. He was unmistakably Central American, and resembled Mr. Latco in some ways, only his hair was shorter, his eyes crueler, his nose a bit bigger. The biggest differences were that Tezcatlipoca was wearing traditional Aztec garb, and he had a black stripe across his face. He grinned sinisterly.

"Hello…brother."

Mr. Latco stood up. His eyes turned steely. "Hello. Fancy meeting you here."

"Well, one myth attracts another. You should know that, like a moth to flame, beings of immense power and aura call others to them, even unknowingly."

"I DO know that."

"Wait, you know him?" Paco asked. "This man who smells of death? This woman who smells like…like a salty sea that's tinged with blood?"

"How do you know what those things smell like?"

Paco looked down at the ground. He muttered something Leviathan barely heard yet still she understood. "Oh. It's that bad over in your hometown?" The briefest look of pity came into her eyes before that familiar sadistic intent replaced it. "Why not show your true form, Quetzalcoatl?"

Mr. Latco held up one hand. "Fine." He said, snapping his fingers. "STAND BACK." He told the others. A moment later he was swirling, changing, shifting into something else, as was his brother, Tezcatlipoca. Now both were long serpents, their bodies twisting in the air as huge, beautiful, feathered wings kept them afloat. Quetzalcoatl's eyes gleamed a beautiful teal color while his brother's gleamed and evil reddish brown. Their scales shimmered, one a lush green, one bluish/black, with razor sharp fangs and crests upon their heads, as well as headbands. Tezcatlipoca wore a purple and gold one, Quetzalcoatl wore a blue and silver one…and smoke poured out in a creepy fashion from his jaws.

"Draco Americanus Mex, of the Amphitheatre variety." Leviathan spoke. "That's the official scientific term for Central and Southern American dragons. They're quite good at being masters of disguise."

"Let us end this." The feathered serpents said to each other, diving forward. Their bodies collided and intertwined as they began struggling on the ground, each trying to strangle the life out of the other. El Toro turned to Paco, who was facing down Leviathan. He ran at his protégé and pulled him out of the way just as Leviathan transformed into her full serpent form, grinning at them both.

"Paco, you cannot fight!"

"Yes I can! I'm strong too!"

"I do not want you getting hurt!"

Leviathan chuckled. "You can't protect him. Why do you even care so much?...oh wait…that look in your eyes…ahh, parental love. How interesting."

"Paco…" El Toro whispered. "I think of you as my son. I…I am proud of you, I…I do not want you to be harmed. I want to be a good father figure." "Why?" Paco asked, hugging his mentor. El Toro was trying not to cry as he hugged Paco back. "My father…did not have a son. He spent his time running around with…with Masks. If…if you died, I could…could never forgive myself." "You won't mess up. WE won't mess up. You're like a dad to me too. Besides, a good tag-team always beats the worst of the worst, right?"

El Toro smiled. "Heh…yes, a good tag-team…all right!" The two withdrew and took up fighting positions in front of Leviathan. "Let's go, Paco! Come on, you evil viper!"

"Time for you to say your goodbyes to each other. Be grateful I'm allowing you two to die together." Leviathan hissed, laughing slightly. "You will be seeing your dear abuelita very, very soon Paco…"

Leviathan whizzed through the air, fangs gleaming. She snapped at El Toro, but to her surprise, he grabbed her by the head. "Why you little-!"

And then Paco leapt up into the air, bringing his elbow down hard on her midsection. "YEOW!" She yelped. He did it again! "OWWW!" He tried to do it a THIRD time, but her long tail whisked around him and flung him to the side. He hit a tree and slid down it, groaning.

"PACO!" El Toro shouted. With a cry of fury he leapt on Leviathan's back as she twisted around, trying to whack him off, trying to even CRUSH him on the ground, but to no avail. He kept shimmying here and there, punching and bashing her every chance he got. Finally she flung him off and let out a roar, spitting out what looked like acid. He ducked just in time as it hit a tree, turning it to muck.

"Two words…breath mints." He said, jumping up and grabbing onto her head, headbutting her hard.

Meanwhile, Quetzalcoatl wasn't doing so hot with his brother, who fought dirty. Even though Dai Gui was trying to help, he was too slow, and every time he tried to grab Tezcatlipoca in his claws, the evil Mexican god slipped free. Finally Dai Gui had had enough. He let out a roar and dove at Tezcatlipoca, shouting "I WILL EAT YOUR BONES!" and finally grabbing his prey's tail! Quetzalcoatl grinned. "Good job-"

Then Tezcatlipoca grinned evilly and whipped his head around, bashing it into Dai Gui, who stumbled back, groaning…apparently the big guy hadn't quite gotten over the effects of the marijuana he'd smoked quite yet. He fell to the ground, mumbling something about bunnies.

Before Quetzalcoatl could go to his aid, he was being slammed over and over into the nearby trees by Tezcatlipoca, who had grabbed his brother's tail in his mouth and was grinning all the while as he struck over and over. "HA-HA-HA!" He laughed, or laughed as best he could with a tail in his mouth. "You're so pathetic, brother!"

"Back off of him!" Paco shouted, grabbing onto Tezcatlipoca's tail and actually BITING into him. Ratso, who had been hiding, was inspired, and rushed in as well, shouting "EXCELSIOR!" and pummeling the tail on the opposite end of Paco. Tezcatlipoca shrieked so loud all the birds flew into the air. He turned around, snarling. "Foolish little human!" He slammed his tail into Paco, crushing him into the ground. Paco banged his fists against it, but to no avail. And when Ratso tried to free him he was unceremoniously knocked away.

Tezcatlipoca's grin was the work of demons as he lowered his head to devour the boy. "Heh-heh-heh…You will be the first to die toda-"

Suddenly Quetzalcoatl struck back, grabbing his brother's neck in his jaws. Tezcatlipoca gasped. His brother closed his eyes sadly and with a mighty twist, snapped his brother's neck with a loud "KA-CRACK". The limp body fell to the ground and Quetzalcoatl turned to Paco, lowering his head. "Are you alright, little human?" He asked. "You were very brave."

"You…did you…?"

The Mexican god nodded. "There was no other way." He said sadly.

Paco looked to the side. "It's bad enough in my hometown. I hate seeing people hurt each other for real. In wrestling there is honor, there are rules…"

"But this is war. I'm sorry…but your role isn't finished. Leviathan must be stopped." Quetzalcoatl lowered his wings and held Paco gently, comforting him. "Are you prepared to defend your surrogate father?"

Paco sniffled and nodded, clenching his fist. "Nobody threatens El Toro!"

As it were, El Toro was getting whipped. LITERALLY. Leviathan wasn't even trying. She was counting off the number of times her sharp tail came down on El Toro's back.

"45! 46! 47! 48! 49! 50! Okay, that's enough! It's been fun, but now I think I want something from you…I know! How about your pride as a wrestler?"

She grinned with her fangs and leaned down towards him, preparing to rip his mask off. "Any last words?" She asked, sneering at him as he turned around, gasping, out of breath. "El Toro…Fuerte never…removes…his…MASK!" He shouted, punching her hard in the eye. She screamed and twisted in agony…

A moment later she dove at him but this time a certain feathered serpent pinned her to the ground. "NOW!" He shouted. "Hit her on the head!"

El Toro and Paco held hands and rushed towards her. "DOUBLE…FLYING…" They jumped up into the air! "PRESS!" And came right down on top of Leviathan's skull with all their strength. There was a loud, familiar "KA-CRACK", and blood began to ooze out from a large crack in Leviathan's head. She let out small gasps of pain and slowly began to sink to the ground. Quetzalcoatl let her go and stood by the wrestlers. "You brought this on yourself." He said, shaking his head. "Raphael and I are friends. He told me what you once were. How sad your body and soul have been corrupted…"

"I don't…I don't want…want any…any pity…" She said as the life faded from her. "I want many things, but not…not your pity, I am…I'm strong, I'm…I'm not weak…I don't want pity…I…"

Her head hit the ground, hard. "But what do you need?" Ratso asked. Leviathan looked at him, confused. "…need? I don't…don't do need…that's…that's not my…my turf…"

"What do you need?" He asked again.

"…answers…" She finally said, before the light faded from her eyes and her body turned into black shimmers of light that faded into the ground as the scent of an ocean filled everyone's nostrils. Quetzalcoatl sighed.

"It is over. Now I suppose I owe you all an explanation." "I would say you do." "Well, I was up here to fulfill a vow to a friend, Raphael, the archangel. You see little humans, he asked me to check up on this place because this is where he gets his own supply. This marijuana here had some, well, "divine help", you could say. I wasn't lying earlier before, I have human friends, they did indeed work here, did indeed create this forest. However it will always have a special place in the Archangel's heart. So when he saw a golden light fall into it, he wanted to check it out, but he has some recent new duties looking after a certain…individual, so he asked me to-"

"I…STILL…LIVE…" Tezcatlipoca said. Everyone turned around, gasping. Although his neck was broken, he still lived, desperately clinging to life. He opened his jaws and they saw what appeared to be a purple/blue light shining inside…he was going to annihilate them all. "I will not die! I will never die! None of us will experience the final death! My soul will continue to live on, and when the Book of Ages returns to its normal state, we will-"

Dai Gui suddenly grabbed his neck. Tezcatlipoca let out a horrified gurgle as Dai Gui licked his lips. "Dai Gui said "I will eat your bones". Dai Gui always keeps his word." He growled in a sinister voice. El Toro covered Paco's eyes and looked away as Dai Gui satisfied the "Demon Munchies" he had in a matter of minutes, noisily chewing and gulping and most off all, that horrible crunching noise. Ratso vomited into a nearby bush and Quetzalcoatl looked down at the ground, shaking his head.

Finally it was over. Dai Gui picked his teeth as black light dripped from his mouth like spit, dissipating in the air. "Dai Gui is full." He announced. "And we will be taking the bell piece." He said, walking off with Ratso right behind him, trying not to puke again.

El Toro held Paco to him and let loose a sigh of relief. He turned to Quetzalcoatl. "Thank you. You saved Paco." He said.

Quetzalcoatl shook his head. "I should thank your protégé. He saved ME. You are both brave indeed, and you have Shamanic talent to boot!" He lowered his head and then used his wings to lift his headband off of his head, handing it to El Toro. "If you should ever need my help, place this upon your head. I wish you both the best of luck."

With that, he took to the sky, flapping his mighty wings. El Toro and Paco watched him become a speck in the distance, then turned to each other.

"El Toro, you were amazing!"

"I was? Paco, your technique has improved so much! Now come! Before we head back, let me buy you a drink!"

"You don't want me smoking marijuana but you'll buy me a drink?"

"…good point. How about we rent a movie instead?"

"Sure! Can we see Nacho Libre?"

"……oh, _fine_…but _no singing_ that song about being a religious man…"

MEANWHILE…

"Now, I invoke you!" Xan snarled, raising his hands. Down in the Grand Lord's grand hall, many had gathered to watch the summoning. All of the Devil's Avatars and the Grand Lord himself watched eagerly as a form rose up from a spell circle. It had countless symbols surrounding it, and was enormous in size…and drawn from the blood of a sacrificed soul, who's body was being consumed in burning hellfire that slowly rose from the circle. Within seconds the screaming had ended, and there was something else…something rising from beneath the seal, blowing the ashes away…

The summoned force fell to the ground, gasping in a mixture of pain and shock. His body had been horribly damaged and burnt, he looked like a living max of slag and soot. His blood was caked over his body and he had cuts and slashes all over his body, deep and severe…you could almost see bones. This burnt, blackened, slaughtered body slowly opened one eye…

"Who? I'm…dead…"

"You WERE." Xan said, smiling smugly. "I brought you back."

"No…not…again…"

"You work once more for a Devil." Xan laughed.

"No…let me…rest…"

The gathered crowd all laughed at this pathetic form. Xan laughed hardest of all. "Now why would I do that? I have need of you. And there's really very few ways for you to return to your own world, back to eternal rest…"

The being in front of them hung its head, defeated. "Your…will?..."

Xan grinned in a feral fashion, eyes glinting. He snapped his fingers a potion was brought forth. "First, let's get you cleaned up." He said, tossing it at the thing. It shattered on him, he barely felt it, barely felt anything anymore…wait…his skin, his wounds, healing before his eyes. The darkened, charred flesh was falling off, he felt as if someone was breathing new life into him. He now stood up in his full glory and closed the eye he'd had open before, breathing in and out deeply.

"Now then…I feel like seeing my big brother suffer." Xan spoke. "He can be the first! You will take away that which is precious to him and make him know pain like he's never known before." He grinned again, shrugging. "And if you can hurt the would-be Captain N and that stupid Brit, why not? You'll take what's dear to them and use her power to break open the a portal that will allow us to emerge onto the Earth and collect sacrifices to empower the Book of Ages and rule the world." Xan clapped his hands an a huge image of a certain girl appeared before the summoned being. "This is who you must find, the girl who's power you shall tear from her as she is slowly sacrificed to ensure our passage into the city, into the world of mortals."

The being was silent.

"What say you? You haven't really got a choice if you want to return. You know there's really only one way to get back…and that's using the girl's power."

The form before them was silent at first, but then it happened. In a single moment all three of his eyes opened wide and he let out a terrible roar that made even the gathered demons feel the faintest twinge of fear.

Xan rubbed his hands. "I will take that as a whopping "yes", then…"

**Author's Note:**

**And so things begin to get very serious...boy, what does it take to get these guys to give up? Answer...nothing. They don't give up. You got to admire their stubborn resolve...sort of admire. Anyhow, here's some more previews of the next chapter!**

**"You killed Anita? But we _cuddled_!"**

**"Can we blame God for this?"**

**"And THAT'S how the Book of Mormon was written!"**

**"I believe a dark being is to blame, one drawn to the bell's power..."**

**"So what exactly is a Medjai?"**

**"Then we'll be able to rewrite reality and make it so that WE will be in charge!"**

**"I'LL KILL YOU! I'll kill you both! I swear to God, I'LL..."**


	30. Egypt, Pt1

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

EGYPT, PT. 1

It had been three days since Dai Gui had returned with Ratso, both heads held high and proudly as they showed off their prize: the bell piece. Incidentally, Hak Foo was now owed twenty dollars by Finn, and Chow was owed twenty by Xiao Fung, who agreed to pay him back in drugs he'd smuggled from patient's rooms at the hospital. Everyone at Valmont manor had all agreed to take a few days off before heading to Egypt, yes, Egypt.

You see, they WOULD have gone right to NYC, but there were factors to be taken into account, such as the bell piece in Egypt had been narrowed down to a specific location in Cairo and there wasn't any real sign of it in New York. Also there were…problems…occurring in New York, the President was giving a speech there on the new executive orders he'd issued.

But the biggest factor was the nag factor.

"COME ONNNN! PLEEEAAAASSSEEE!" Nick and Jade each begged, getting down on bended knee to King and Captain Black respectively.

It was probably the nagging that did it.

But enough of that! Since they all had some time off before they left, they were thus now hanging out at, of all places…HOLLYWOOD! That's right, Valmont and King had made some good friends there, and therefore they and all of their friends and family, had been invited to the screening of a new movie before it was even released in theaters.

Unfortunately for Xiao Fung, he couldn't come. Neither could Po Kong. Xiao was SWAMPED with work at the hospital…

"You brought it on yourself." King laughed in a hissing manner as he sipped green tea, sitting in the waiting room, watching Xiao clean up a puddle of spilled IV fluid. "Yeah, yeah!" Xiao muttered. "Stupid, lousy mortals…"

"It gets easier." King told him. "You'll get the hang of it…and the hang of the people here."

"You can make me work. You can make me miserable. But there is no way you can ever get me to like…" Xiao pointed a finger across the hall. "THAT guy!"

"Hey there, scooter!" The janitor snickered at Xiao. "Boy, your file sure is interesting!"

"He reads my files." Xiao muttered.

"I read EVERYBODY'S files." The janitor said, motioning his head to some doctors that were coming up the elevator. "Mrs. Manic-Depressive…Dr. Drinks-a-lot…Sir Sings in the Hospital Shower…"

"You're one to talk, Captain Crow-Stuffer." King told the janitor. Xiao gasped at the janitor, horrified. "You killed Anita? But we _cuddled_!"

"If he's the worst you have to deal with, I'm not impressed." King said, slurping up his green tea some more.

Xiao looked to the side a little, embarrassed to mention what he was about to say. "There's also that "floating head doctor"…"

King spat out his tea with a loud "PAFSSSHHHHH!!!"

And as for the Ferrari…

The Enforcers were attempting to fix it up for Xiao, who had threatened to "Kill and eat them in their sleep". This way he wouldn't have to pay full price. But the car was a wreck…a TOTAL wreck…and it didn't look like it could be fixed. All of them had put on repairmen suits and had gotten the necessary tools, but it didn't look good…no, it did not look good.

As it were, they'd hoisted the wreckage up and now Chow pulled himself out from underneath the car, having surveyed the damage to the underside. He'd put on some goggles instead of his usual sunglasses because he didn't want to get grease on then. "Boy, now this car really SUCKS!" He groaned. "Yeah, what a piece of s—t!" Ratso agreed. He was wearing big suspenders and gloves that were too big for him, with a "Iron Man" tool belt on his waist. Hak Foo emerged from behind the hood of the car and said "Dying dog should be put down" as he spat out his toothpick. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Hey guys…what're you talking about?" Finn asked. He had on a big leather jacket over his repair suit. "We just gotta bend out the dents, that's all!"

"The problem's not a dent, it's in this rubber band engine!" Hak Foo growled.

"Naw, I think it's in your mouth!" Chow snickered.

"And where the hell we gonna get a new carburetor?" Ratso asked, scratching his head.

"Got any scotch tape?" Hak Foo asked them. "This wire keeps coming-"

FWIP! BOING!

"Off." Hak Foo groaned as he pulled the wire out of his hair.

"This car really is a piece of-" They all began to say. But then…

"Guys, guys, guys…don't you see what I see?" He asked them, a grin lighting up on his face. "This car could be a major piece of machinery, don't you see that? Look!" He loving stroked the hood of the car. "Why…why…why this car could be systematic!"

**SFX: Saxophone blast**

He reached down and slung his jacket low. "Hyyyydromatic!" He then quickly flung it over his back.

**SFX: Louder, higher saxophone blast**

"ULTRAMATIC!" He grinned, striking a tough pose. He pulled out a comb and brushed his hair back with a single flick.

**SFX: Loudest, highest saxophone blast**

"Why, it could be Greased Lightnin'!"

**BGM: Greased Lightnin', from "Grease" **

Finn jumped on top of the nearest table and began singing.

"We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah!  
Keep talkin', whoah just keep on talkin'!  
We'll get the fuel injection cut off and some chrome plated rods, oh yeeaaah!  
We'll get her ready, we need to get her ready!  
With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waitin' at the door,  
You know this won't be s--t when we're getting' lots of tit!  
Greased Lightnin'!"

The other guys looked at each other, shrugged, then immediately began getting into it, cartwheeling around and singing!

_Go, Greased Lightnin'  
You're burnin' up the quarter mile!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'  
Go Greased Lightnin'!  
You're coasting through the heat lap trails!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'!  
You are supreme…  
The chicks'll scream…  
For Greased Lightnin'!  
Go go go go go go go go!  
_

Finn put a cigarette in his mouth and took a drag before letting the smoke out and blowing it away in a cool fashion. He was now sitting on top of the car.

"We'll get some purple pitched tail lights and thirty inch fins, oh yeeaaaah!  
A palomina dashboard and duel-muffler twins, oh yeeeeeaaaaaaah!  
With new boosters, plates and shocks, I can get off my rocks!  
You know that I ain't braggin', she'll be a real pussy wagon…  
Greased Lightnin'!"

They all danced in 50's fashion around the car, singing out the chorus while Finn danced on top of the car.

_Go, Greased Lightnin'  
You're burnin' up the quarter mile!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'  
Go Greased Lightnin'!  
You're coasting through the heat lap trails!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'!  
You are supreme…  
The chicks'll scream…  
For Greased Lightnin'!  
Go go go go go go go go!  
_

_Yeah, __**go**__, Greased Lightnin'  
You're burnin' up the quarter mile!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'  
Go Greased Lightnin'!  
You're coasting through the heat lap trails!  
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'!  
You are supreme…  
The chicks'll scream…  
For Greased Lightnin'!  
Go go go go go go go go!  
_

(Music suddenly stops)

Suddenly the I-beams supporting the car cracked, and both Finn and Ferrari fell to the ground with a "KA-CRUNCH". They all looked closely at it as smoke slowly steamed out from the bottom of the car and from the hood. Hak Foo opened up the hood and groaned. The engine was fried.

"Greased Lightning is now "extra crispy"." Hak Foo told them.

Finn buried his face in his hands and began sobbing uncontrollably. "Come on man…" Chow said. "Let's go get you a beer…"

As for Po Kong, well…as hard as it was to believe…

Po Kong had gotten sick.

EARLIER...MUCH, **MUCH** EARLIER…

"Ooh." Tohru groaned, holding his stomach. "I can't eat any more of these rice cakes…"

"Sure you can, big boy!" Po Kong snickered. She held up a bottle of soy sauce. "Here. Take a little swig of this before chewing!" Looking puzzled, Tohru took the bottle from her hands and took a swig of it. Then he held up a rice cake and put it in his mouth.

"Sayyyy!" He realized, mouth still full, "This is better! I don't have to chew so much AND it adds flavor!"

"See? I'll bet you can fit at least five more in!"

"How did you LEARN this trick?"

"I learned it while I was trying to find a way to spice up stale, uh…what do you call them? Oh right…pop-tarts!"

SOON AFTER…

"Well…we did it." Po Kong said, sprawled out on the floor, her gut BURSTING. Her pants had actually flown off, all that she had on below her belly was a pair of undies. Tohru's shirt had been busted clean off. "Yep…ORK!" He mumbled, soy sauce drizzling from his mouth. "Against all reason…against all common sense…" Po Kong grumbled, "We ate 30 plates of Chinese dumplings, beef and various vegetables and pork fried rice…45 drinks…" "And 75 rice cakes." Tohru burped. "URP. Can we blame God for this?" Po Kong moaned as her stomach let out a horrible "graaaoooauuughhh". "Yep…" Tohru burped. "He gave…us…mouths…"

PRESENT…

Therefore, the rest of the household all sat down at the huge movie theater, watching "Night at the Museum". They'd FINALLY gotten to see it, AND before anyone else did too! A **week** in advance!

"Eat your heart out, Roger Ebert." Nick sniggered as they left the movie theater. "Man, it feels good, doesn't it?" Jade asked. "Seeing a movie with friends? Oh yeah." "And being the first ones to see a movie?" "Double "oh yeah"." Hsi said as they piled back in the car to return to San Fran, school and regular, peaceful life, which would include ice cream outings, pool parties, and other good times.

In fact, at school, just yesterday…

Nick was snickering madly as he got on the bus that would take them all back home. "How come you're so happy?" Jade asked.

"Oh, I told Drew he was a friggin' wannabe."

"He deserved it."

"So he told everyone I said he was a…you know…"

"WHAT? The n-word?"

"Yep. It went around school for most of the day. But it's gonna change in about…ten seconds."

"What makes you say that?" Jade asked.

Nick's grin was so big the Cheshire Cat would be put to shame. "Because that's when the file I uploaded onto Youtube will arrive on the site. It contains a lovely little video file I recorded on Sandi's portable video camera of me getting the truth out of him during lunch in the bathroom. Then it shows him doing a victory dance saying "I can't prove it" while twirling his shirt around, as well as some added footage I took when he was trying to sneak into the girl's locker room to "get some"…followed by him getting his hiney thrown out, sans clothes…except for his underwear, which, if I remember correctly, had been thrust down over his head." Nick grinned. "They were bright red."

Hsi raised a hand. "Nice! Xiao would be jealous. High five!"

SLAP!

Yes, things had been going great for Nick, Jade and Hsi…

Really great…

**BGM: True Friend, by Hannah Montana**

(Scene cuts back in time to Nick and Hsi at the school. Nick waves goodbye to Hsi and goes to his locker. He pulls out a letter. Surprised, he opens it up.)

_We sign our cards and letters BFF…_(He sees the letters and beams. Scene cuts to Jade, opening her own…)  
_You've got a million ways to make me laugh!_ (A funny joke written there makes her giggle. She heads off to class.)  
_You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back,_ (She suddenly falls just in front of the class…but Nick is there, he grabs her before she falls.)  
_It's so gooood…to have you arooouund!_ (He smiles at her and helps her pick up her books as they take their seats.)

_You know the secrets I could never tell…_ (Jade is in the library, stumped on a math problem. Hsi walks by and whispers something in her ear. She perks up and tries what he suggests…it works!)  
_And when I'm quiet you break through my sheeeelllll!_ (Jade is sitting alone outside at lunch, sighing. She's feeling depressed. Hsi sits down next to her. She gives him a look, and he starts talking.)  
_Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell…_ (She loosens up and accepts a hug from him. He suggests a game of wall-ball.)  
_'cause you keep…my feet on the grooouuund!_ (She nods and they run off to go play with Nick, who's holding a superball up.)

Scene cuts to Jade singing on a stage with backup singers behind her. She grins and belts out the lyrics.

_You're a truuuuue frieeeend!  
You're here 'til the end!  
You pull me aside, when something ain't right…  
Talk with me now and into the night…_

'_til it's alright again…  
You're a true friend!_

(Jade is shown sitting with Nick and Hsi, all of them eating lunch together. They smile at each other.)

_You don't get angry when I change the plans…_ (Drew is sneaking up on them. Hsi makes movements with his eyes, alerting Nick.)  
_Somehow you're never out of second chaaaaances!_ (Nick calmly slips a banana peel from his lunch behind him. Drew slips on it and goes sliding into a cafeteria trash bin, flying in.)  
_Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again,_ (As his friends laugh hysterically while trying to pull him off, Jade, who's sitting between Nick and Hsi…)  
_I'm so lucky…that I've found… _(Hug them both.)

_A truuuuue frieeeend!  
You're here 'til the end!_

"'til-the-end!" The backup singers go.

_You pull me aside, when something ain't right…  
Talk with me now and into the night…_

'_til it's alright again…  
_  
_True friends will go to the ends of the earth,  
'til they find the thing you need!_ (Nick hands Jade something in the hallway…it's the homework assignment she missed getting because she was sick at Nurse Sky Dog's office. She mouths "Thank you" at him and walks off.)

_Friends hang on through the ups and the downs,  
'cause they've got someone to beliiieeeve in!_ (Drew surprises Jade by the bathroom, but Hsi was passing by. He steps in front of her and Drew and his friends run off. Jade thanks him and continues on her way. He rubs the back of his neck nervously.)

Jade holds her hands to her heart on the stage as the lights dim and finally turn off. Suddenly a single light shines only on her.

_A truuu-ooh-uue friend…  
You're here 'til the end…_

She suddenly grins and holds up a hand, snapping her fingers. The lights flood back on and the party resumes!

_You pull me aside when something ain't right…  
Talk with me now and into the night…  
No need to pretend!_

"You're-a-true-friend!"

_You're a truuu-ooh-uue friend!  
You're here 'til the end!_

"'til-the-end!"

_You pull me aside when something ain't right...  
Talk with me now and into the night…  
'til it's alright again…_

_  
You're a true friend!_ Scene cuts to Jade, about to go to sleep. She places something on her bedside stand…)

_You're a truuu-ooh-uuie friend!_ (It's a photo of the three of them in a photo booth, all grinning broadly at the camera.)

_You're a truuuuue friiiieeend…_ (She smiles and turns it so it faces her in bed and then pulls up the covers, dozing off.)

Jade yawned and woke up, her first sight the photo. She stretched and went to her clothes bureau, taking off her pajamas and putting on some regular clothes. Then she headed downstairs. She knew that today would be the day that she and Tohru would leave for Egypt.

"Jade, are you things all packed?" Jackie asked. Jade nodded. "Yep. Packed 'em all last night before I went to bed."

"Good. You and Tohru have all of your things together." He flipped open his cell phone and began to make a call. "I will call Captain Black to pick you up and take you to the-"

Jade held his wrist. He looked at her.

"Jackie…I'm a big girl. I can call…WE…can call a cab. Right Tohru?"

Tohru nodded. He had gotten over the rice cake incident…though he still kept thinking about that lovely woman he'd met. She'd had the nicest cheeks…

Viper sighed. "Ohh, I so wanted to go on a trip." She thought to herself as she left the kitchen with her hazelnut coffee, sipping it. Captain Black tapped her on the shoulder. "Viper, uh…I'm not quite good with this sort of thing around the ladies, but…I er…" "Yeah?" Viper asked, raising an eyebrow. He was really nervous. "Er…could you…do me a favor?" He finally asked. "You see…"

At that moment…

"Nick! NIIICK!"

The Sky Demon and Hao were waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Hao had agreed to give them a drive to the airport because he was, quote, "frickin' bored cuz there were no villains to beat up". Drew, as it were, was recovering in the hospital for a few days, temporarily indisposed by a chocolate ex-lax that a certain Wind Demon had slipped into a brown-bag drink he'd been drinking behind the school.

"Come on, Nick! Hurry up with the shower!" Hao shouted. He suddenly saw there was a strange glow coming from under the door.

Nick continued to wash himself. "This is the verse about the parachute pants that I learned to break dance in and thought I was good! So much for believing the fat kid doesn't win, or get a girl in the end, I never thought that I could! And allll these things mean nothing to meee! When I'm with her, I got everything! I could want and I could need, even God he would agree, she and I are meant to be it's easy to see!"

He then belted out the next lines as he dried himself off in the bathroom. "I'll never go outta style on yoouuu! And nothin' really feels the way you dooo! Girl, nothing in the world could…ever make me feel this good…when you fit me like ya dooooo!"

King, waiting outside the bathroom, clapped his hands. Nick was now clothed. "What the?" Nick exclaimed.

"As much as I would be interested and pleased to hear you sing more, your friends are waiting. Now get to it-oh…Nick…you're glowing."

Nick looked at himself. He was glowing a multitude of colors. It was really quite a sight.

"Oh wow."

And then it was gone. "Well, I'll think about it later. Later, smiley people!"

Nick nodded and jumped down the steps, two at a time. Suddenly he almost ran into Xiao Fung, who was on his way back to the hospital. The two nearly collided and then stared at each other, not saying anything.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…uh…Nick?"

"…yeah?"

"Is there something…" Xiao was blushing slightly. "Something you've been wanting to tell me?"

"Yeah, there's…there's something you should know about…about me, about…us." Nick admitted. "But uh…can it wait until later? I'm not quite…ready to say it."

Xiao nodded. "Okay. Just uh…just be careful. Don't…don't die."

A LITTLE LATER…

Drago lit up a cigarette as he sat on a bench. His "peeps" were going to meet him at the airport in a few moments. He was lying in wait for Jade…but since he didn't want to frighten her off, he needed some potion ingredients to fix himself up to look nice for when he made his move and sat right next to her on the airplane. He figured a little small talk, a couple good pick-up lines, then after she said "Too bad we won't see each other, I'm going (insert a place here)", he'd say "Oh really? Me too!"

But, as it turned out, the first one on the scene wasn't one of his peeps, but a familiar vigilante who also happened to be his brother.

"Excuse me…no smoking allowed inside the airport." Hao said, smacking a baseball bat into his palm. Drago almost choked on it as he sprung up. "How the hell did you get that thing in here?" Hao just smiled at him and arched it back, slamming it into Drago's head. His brother went down, hard…

But not unconscious. A moment later the two were tussling on the ground. As for security…well…

"I keep telling you people I have never been to Afghanistan in my whole life!"

"Ye don't look it, mac."

"Well as someone has said on one of your TV shows "there is a big difference between "Al-la-la-la" and "derpity-derpity"!". And **I** am the "derpity-derpity"!!!"

Your tax dollars at work, folks.

Nick, waiting at the gate along with the Sky Demon in human form, groaned as Hao came back, sporting a black eye. "He spat in my eye and got away. D—n it!"

"How come you got to bring your baseball bat in?" Nick asked. "They took away my big nail clippers! I LOVED those nail clippers, man!"

Hao scratched the back of his neck. "Well you see, uh, Presidential order number-"

The Sky Demon grabbed both their arms. "Less talking, more flying! Come on, let's get this over with…"

Meanwhile, Drago's crew had gotten the potion ingredients. He mixed them up in the men's bathroom, in a "Coke" bottle, and then chugged it down.

KA-POOF!

"What the f—k?!?" He'd been turned into a kangaroo! "I said EYE of NEWT! Newt, not salamander!" Drago roared. His peeps cringed. "They all look the same, man!" Strikemaster Ice said. Drago groaned. "Now how am I going to get onto the plane? The spell won't wear off for 20 minutes, the plane leaves in ten, and I can't buy a ticket as _**kangaroo**_!"

"Well…we did come up with an idea just in case this ol' trick didn't work…"

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER…

"Well at LEAST I'm not forced to sit on top of the wheels." Drago muttered as he sat in the luggage area with his peeps. "Quiet down please!" A redneck-like fellow shouted from on top of the wheels. "Why are you leaving?" Strikemaster Ice asked him. "I gotta get me some of them socialized medicine theys gots over the ocean so I can fix my warts! They're supposed to do 'em for free in Cairo! Over in the states they woulda made me pay 2000 bucks!"

"Sheesh, how bad are they?" Drago asked out loud.

Ignoring the fact that a kangaroo was talking to him (he was probably very drunk), the man took off his shirt. Then he took off his socks and held up his feet. And he lifted up his arms.

"You know boss…I'm thinkin' when you're fixin' on axeing a question 'bout some homebody's body…don't." "I hear that." Drago gasped, looking for a wastebasket.

MEANWHILE, UP IN COACH…

Nick and Hsi and Hao and Jade and Tohru were all within fifteen feet of each other. Tohru had been nervous at first about flying on a plane, but he had bought two seats, which was a start…

But then he got and board and he discovered…

"You bought two windows seats five rows apart." Hao commented before walking off.

Tohru let out a loud groan. "_**Ohhhhhhh**_, God da-"

"_**Watch your mouth**_!" Nick said.

"Here. Take my seat." Jade said. "I'll just go down to the luggage…"

Hsi and Nick immediately objected, but Jade insisted she would be fine, so they let her leave the seat. They sighed and sat back in their own seats, looking at the ground. Finally they spoke.

"So…uh…"

"Yeah…"

"It's going great, isn't it?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, she's really opening up to me! I've never felt this good since Haruno!"

"Being a good friend always gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. Now we're going to be landing in about a few hours, so what do you think we should do?"

The Sky Demon scratched his head. "…well…uh…"

Nick sighed. "…you don't know either? I'm lost. We could-no, that usually backfires."

"What does?"

"Guessing games. Whenever I play guessing games on airplanes, like guessing where the passengers come from, what they're havin' for dinner, that sorta thing…it ends up going badly."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guessed one guy was an undercover operative for a foreign nation. Only I was playing loudly with my brother, and it turns out he actually WAS, and I read later in the news that he er…well, got fired. I think he's a busboy now."

"Oh. That's just awful."

"Yeah. So let's brainstorm." Nick said, rubbing his head. "I don't have an Ipod and-oh wait! My watch gets TV shows. Let me put on "South Park". I'll show you "All About Mormons", that's a good one…"

Hsi had been told about "South Park" by Nick and Jade before. But that wasn't what made him tilt his head in a stupid manner. "Uh, all about who?"

"Mormons. The Church of the Latter Day Saints."

"…what?"

"Okay, fine, ever heard of Joseph Smith?" Nick asked.

"Who was Joseph Smith?" Hsi Wu asked right back.

Suddenly everyone sitting in the seats around Nick and Hsi and Tohru turned to look at them, beaming, and singing out at once. "Joseph Smith was called a prophet, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! And he wrote "The Book of Mormon" dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! He said God appeared before him, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! And guess what religions were on the ball? None-none-none-none-none!"

"…ha-WHAT!?!"

"It gets better!" Nick said. "Right?"

"Annnnnnnd…then an angel came at night…dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! It gave poor Joseph quite a fright, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! He said "Joe, I'm Native American", dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! And Joe? The Lord had chosen HIM! Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"…interesting. What happened next?"

Suddenly a full musical number, complete with dancing Rockettes and flashing lights and everything erupted as Nick stood up, taking the stage.

Nick grinned. "Well, Joseph said, da-da-da-da-da-daaa! "Hey everybody, take a look!"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"In my hat's stuff that'll write a book!"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"Some golden tablets I will read…"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"Then I'll write a book and plant my seed!"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"Martin Harris wrote it up…"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum…"

"His wife said "Hon, you're such a schlep"!"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"And so she promptly hid the pages…"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

"And sent poor Joe into some rages!"

"Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum!"

Everyone converged in the middle of the plane, lifting Nick into the air. He then spoke with the voice of a choir boy.

"But theeeeen…a lord angel came on hiiiiigh…and Martin watched with frightened eyes…as it down to dear old Joe…a near-copy of the book he'd wrote befo'! Annnnnnnd…"

He grinned.

"And THAT'S how the book of Mormon was written!"

"DUM…DUM…DUM…DUM…DUUUUUUUUUMMMMM!"

Everyone then went back to their seats. Nick let out a sigh and turned to Hsi. "So? Whatcha think? Interesting story, huh?"

"……did all that really happen?"

"That's what Mormons say happen. Along with the fact that old Joe Smith was "learned and knew more than all the world put together"…"

The Sky Demon frowned. "Well _that_ seems pompous."

"Oh, they also think that the Bible's incomplete and unreliable, that God is flawed, always evolving, sexual and polytheistic, that Jesus was a created god who wasn't virgin-born, that people are saved by works and it's possible for people to be saved after death, that death is "purgatorial" and that general salvation is given to people without them seeking it, they reject Jesus's death on the cross as being atoning, say that he was the 1st of subsequent billions of spirit kids conceived between male and female "earth gods" and they say there is an eternal mother and they used to not believe black people could be saved…oh, and finally, they allow people to have more than one wife if you enter their faith. I think that's pretty much everything…"

Hsi Wu's mouth was so far open you could have put a cantaloupe into it. "Uh…I think…I got it all."

Nick suddenly looked at the movie screen in front of them, eyes widening. "Oh look, they're playing "Michael"! Here, put your earphones on, this is a good movie, I saw it with my mom and bro on an earlier flight! John Travolta rocks."

"Hmm…I get the feeling-oh, wait, I have heard of him before. A window popped up one day and showed us his face. Bai Tsa almost wet herself, she falls for practically any handsome face she can find!"

"Wow."

"You should have seen her when she saw John Lennon."

Nick gaped. "No waaayyy! Bai likes John Lennon?"

"She said he was "A very, VERY fine specimen of man"."

"…oh dear." Nick said, lowering his head. "Uh…you uh…haven't told her yet, have you?"

Hsi looked confused. "Told her what?"

"That he was murdered?"

Somewhere very, very far away, a certain water demon shivered. "I sense…a disturbance…"

Basically, the trip on the way to Cairo was very uneventful for Nick and Hsi, who chatted it up about three things: favorite pastimes, how important Jade was, and what the future held. It got quite philosophical! Tohru however, didn't get to relax and chat so much, because he ate some bad fish, (it was either that or salad) and had to rush to the bathroom.

And…well, he didn't fit.

"Oh dear God!" He screamed, trying to shove himself into the bathroom. "Oh please, don't do this to meeee!"

Mercifully, the "First Class" bathroom was open and very big, and it could fit him. Unfortunately nobody in first class seemed nice enough to let him within five feet of first class.

"Come onnnn!" Tohru begged, squirming around, the desire to go filling him up from head to toe. He HAD to use the bathroom! "No way." Said the man who was about to go into the bathroom. "Uh-uh." Said the next woman. Finally the person behind them spoke up.

"Hey Tohru. Here, you can go in before me."

"What? Mr. Ryu, how on Earth?-"

"Government paid for everything."

Not bothering to ask HOW they were paying for everything, Tohru rushed into the bathroom as soon as he could, reliving himself. Finally he emerged, blowing the scent out of his nostrils by waving his hand.

"Uh…you might wanna air it out." He suggested to Hao, who made a face as he leaned in to sniff.

Meanwhile, down in the luggage area…

Jade had NOT been happy to see Drago. In fact, she was now hiding from him…specifically, wedged between a huge couch and a large desk drawer. The spell had worn off…lucky her.

"Now, now, come out Jade." Drago said. "I just want to talk."

"Uh, how about NO!" She shouted.

"Don't be like that." Drago said. "You and I would have made such a good married couple in the future…then you went and ended it. What's odd is that I can't remember who your would-be husband turned out to be…I used to remember it, but ever since that kid Nick showed up my memory's been fuzzy…"

Jade was dead quiet. Don't say anything, she thought. Don't say anything.

"Sooner or later you'll have to come out. I'm not the only one after you. You'll have to make a choice, sooner or later. I'd rather not have to really kill you, okay?" He was only a few feet away from her, looking around, not seeing where she was hiding. He passed by her… "_You_ came to _me_ in the future, Jade…"

"Well the future's overrated." Jade suddenly said, sticking her foot out. Drago hit the floor hard, and before he could get back up, Jade had jumped on him. The junior sorcerer's gang hid behind the couch, watching their "homeboy boss" get pummeled. Finally when she'd finished, Jade sat up and dusted herself off. "What did you think of that?"

"You…you said the same thing to me after OUR first night…" Drago snickered.

SMACK!

"Better not make me go crazy again!"

"Again, that first night!"

SMACK!

"Don't make me break out the real kung-fu!"

"Okay, now it's getting seriously déjà vu in here!"

This time a simple smack to the face didn't seem sufficient. Jade kicked him in the balls and he shut up. She then went to go sit with the guy who was on the wheel, the redneck from before.

"Hi, can I squeeze on this little metal patch right there?"

"Sure thing, little lady. Could you tell me a few jokes though? I'm kind of bored. Either that or-"

"If you ask me to do anything remotely sexual, then I'll have to hurt you."

"…okay, how about a few light bulb jokes?"

"Fine. How many absurdists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"I dunno, how many?"

"17 fish sticks."

"…pfft…HA-HA-HA!"

EVENTUALLY…

"Was my brother bothering you?" Was the first question that was asked of Jade as she, Nick, Hsi Wu and Tohru left the airport and went to go look for a taxi on the Egyptian streets. Jade shrugged. "A little. He kept saying we had a…well, "a thing" together in the future. Total bull, right?"

Hao looked nervously away. "Um, yeah…total!"

Nick snorted. "_What_?" Hao asked angrily.

Nick walked off for a few moments. Then he came back with a few dozen Egyptians who had been willing to spare some time.

"Gimme a "B!"

"B!"

"Gimme a "U!"

"U!"

"Gimme a "L!"

"L!"

"Gimme another "L!"

"L!"

"Gimme a "S!"

"S!"

"Gimme a "H!"

"H!"

"Gimme a "I!"

"I!"

"Gimme a "T!"

"T!"

"What's that spell?"

"BULLS—T!"

"**What's** that spell?"

"BULLS—T!"

"What's that spell?!?"

"_BULLS—T!" _

"Thank you." Nick said, bowing to them. They bowed right back. "Now uh, can I buy one of those nifty maps you were selling?" He asked the nearest one. Jade looked at Nick. "How on Earth did you?..." "Just go with it." Nick said, pocketing the map he'd bought. "Now Hao…hey that rhymes! Tell Jade the truth, and nothing but the truth."

Hao groaned. "All right! Fine, fine. It's true, you and Drago had…a thing."

"EWWWW!" Jade moaned. "I had a "thing" with HIM!?!"

"He looks really nice when he's not in that form, but now he only looks like he used to when he takes a special potion." Hao explained. "Anyhow, Nick, Uncle Hsi…" He shook their hands. "May the best men win in finding the golden bell piece. Now then, I know Nick wants to say something, he's got that look in his eyes…"

"Let's split up, gang!" Nick shouted, pointing dramatically at the sky. "Meet me back here in fifteen." Immediately Hsi and Nick walked off in different directions. Jade snickered. "He's so silly!" She said. "But they're both really sweet. Say, uh Hao? You're from the future, aren't you?"

"Yes." Hao said. Suddenly he stiffened up. "Hold on, hold on. I'm NOT going to tell you lotto numbers, I did that already with-"

"Who do I marry?"

Hao scratched his head. "Well…thing is, I can't remember. My memory's been fuzzy lately when it comes to certain stuff…"

"Speaking of remembering, I almost forgot!" Jade slapped her forehead. "Captain Black me to check in on him when I arrived."

"And I promised to talk to Xiao for his daily "cheer-up call". He needs it the poor schmuck, working at that hospital is driving him nuts." Nick told them.

Jade took out her cell phone and dialed the Antique's store number. Ring…ring…

MEANWHILE, AT SAN FRAN…

"Hellooo, Uncle's Rare Finds, where if it's worth less than 50 dollars we do not have it in stooooock!"

"Hi Uncle. Where's Captain Black? He told me to check in with him."

"He turned himself into kangaroo again. Uncle TOLD him not to touch puffer fish!"

Meanwhile, Nick called Xiao up. "How you doin', Xiao? Feeling any better?"

Xiao was outside the hospital, smoking a cigarette he'd bummed from a doctor. It was a marijuana one, interestingly enough. "Oh, I'm fine. I'm getting used to it, and there's this one patient who's gotten my attention, he's really old for a mortal but very funny."

"Oh really? What's his name?"

"He said it was Tasey. He moved away from Simsbury because the neighbors next door had this tragedy that got the whole neighborhood shook up. People left by the dozen apparently. Said that he knew YOU."

Nick gasped. "Mr. Tasey?! He's our next door neighbor! Treat him well, Xiao, he's a war veteran! And you said that one of his neighbors had an accident?"

"Yes, several in fact, but the most recent one really shook them up. It has something to do with-"

And then the call was dropped. Nick groaned. "Frack it! Stupid foreign phones. I wish my cell phone had service, I ought to switch to Nextel or something…"

Meanwhile, a very long distance away…

Sandi was taking a nap, snoozing in her bed. Shendu watched her from a crack in her room and smiled, then let her be. Suddenly Valmont grabbed his human form by the arm and pulled him into the bathroom, locking the door.

"What do YOU want, Valmont?" He hissed angrily. Suddenly the furious, vengeful look in Valmont's eye shut him up.

"If you so much as lay one hurtful claw upon my dear daughter, I will rip you into f—king PIECES!" Valmont shouted, fingers curling. "Sandi is very precious to me, Shendu, and if you hurt her, I will RUIN YOU, do you understand?!?"

Shendu was surprised, stunned. But then he mustered up a good growl. "I wouldn't hurt her. I have no desire whatsoever, she's a kind, sweet girl…and her hair smells like cherries…and when…" He was smiling dreamily. "And when she sings "Beach Boys" songs all the Heavenly Host sings with her…"

Suddenly Valmont realized what Shendu was getting at. Faster than he'd pulled the demon in he unlocked the door and shoved him out with a panicked "OUT, OUT, OUT!", slamming the door. He then sat down on the toilet, hands covering his face. "What am I going to do?" He thought. "He'll only hurt her, I can't trust him, but…but he seems to mean it, and…and…"

And he HAD seen the way she'd warmed up to Shendu…she liked him. LIKED him, liked him. What could he do? What would a good parent do?

Well, as it were, Sandi wasn't sleeping so well. She kept seeing this eye…this single large eye…

A red pupil…a frightening green iris, tucked inside of the folds of purple skin…_**staring**_ at her, over and over, filling her with a sense of impending dread. It felt like she was in the "Phantom of the Opera", watched over by a frightening specter she couldn't hear, couldn't shove away, could only watch as it watched her…

And every time she fell asleep the eye kept getting BIGGER…

Finally she woke up, gasping. "Daddy! The monsters under my bed came back!...I think."

Valmont stuck his head into her room. "Honey, I told you, there never WERE any monsters under your bed."

ACTUALLY…

"Oh maaaan!" Sandi moaned. She was 12 years old and it was the middle of the night. "I gotta go really baaaad! But if I get out of this bed, like, the monsters will totally eat me alive and stuff…"

She leaned over. Some grumbling noises came down from below her bed. She suddenly got an idea. "I know! My pillow." She thought, and lowered a spare pillow from her bed down as a decoy. "I'm comin' out of bed now! Here I am, all fat and squishy!"

FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER…

Woo! Look at those feathers fly! But as for Sandi…

"Ooh maaaan…" She moaned at the sight of the carnage. "I'll just stay here and wet the bed! No way am I gonna go down THERE!"

PRESENT…

"But Daaadddyyyyy!!!"

"Sandi, calm down and take some sleeping pills. They're in the cupboard. And stop talking about bloomin' monsters!" Valmont snapped. "There's no monsters after you!..." He glared at Shendu. "Well, not if I can help it!" Shendu tossed him a look that could kill.

"Oh, thanks a ton, daddy!" Sandi beamed, and plopped back in bed, not getting the hint.

BACK TO EGYPT!

"Boy, the people here are nice." Nick said, arriving at the street café across from the airport, sitting across from Hsi, who sipped some water. "Very friendly." He told the Sky Demon. "They all want me to buy stuff and I can't help it, they're just so nice! They "niced" me into it!"

"…"

"You got roped into buying something too, didn't you? I can tell. That look on your face says it all."

"…I…I bought a bumper sticker." Hsi said, putting it on the table. "I don't even drive a car, and they "niced" me into buying a bumper sticker."

"Oh, look at _that_!"

Just to Nick's left, which was the Sky Demon's right, somebody was performing magic tricks for the crowd…three people, actually. One was a messy black-haired kid with glasses, the other was a dark-skinned man with black hair and the last was…

"KING?!?" Nick asked, standing up. King smiled. "Hello. Look not surprised. I told you, I have contacts _all_ over the world…I knew you'd need some help getting to where you have to go, so I called them up. Meet the 'O Connell family." He gestured towards the closet humans near him, a family of four, a man with red hair in a white leisure suit, a handsome man with blond/brown hair who looked strong and able, a kid in a blue shirt with a ferret on his shoulder and a beautiful woman with long red hair. "They're archaeology experts as good as my chosen Jackie Chan!"

"How come you guys aren't, like, freaked out by his appearance?" Nick asked, confused.

"Capes, creepies and all sorts of crazies are a part of our everyday routine." The boy said. "Plus, what with President Bush announcing the existence of magic as real, people are starting to become true believers faster and faster everyday. I mean, they already see superheroes and aliens and stuff all the time, why not magic to believe in?" He held out his hand, and Nick shook it. "I'm Alex, by the way. The red-headed dude's my uncle, that's my dad over there, and this is my mom."

"We're very pleased to meet you." Mrs. O'Connell said. "You can call me Evelyn, or Evey. We're here to enjoy the magic tricks, that boy over there's doing some interesting tricks-"

Suddenly someone screamed. A dog was running towards them from a nearby alley, mouth foaming. It was rabid!

Nick looked at it. It seemed to be in a lot of pain…and he was sure he could hear it groaning "Ow…ow…ow…" over and over. Poor thing…

"Observe." The boy said, whipping out a wand. "I'll take care of this!" He said, pointing it at the dog. "Watch me magish!" He closed his eyes promptly said "Poof!", and in that moment the dog howled and suddenly blood poured out from its mouth and ears as it fell down, dead. The boy put his wand away, a sad look on his face. He didn't like having to use that kind of spell. Nick meanwhile, had almost vomited.

"There's been more and more rabid animal attacks around here recently, the weather's gotten worse, and people have gone…missing…" King remarked sadly. "I believe a dark being is to blame, one drawn to the bell piece's power. You should find it before IT does…the results wouldn't be pleasant if the dark being got its hands on the bell piece."

The Sky Demon nodded. "Okay then. Mrs. O'Connell, could you tell me us more about-Nick! What are you doing?!?"

"That was a…really gross, but a good trick." Nick said to the kid. "But, but-but watch this! **I** can do magic too! BRING THE HEAT!" He snapped his fingers and a fireball, its tail of flame dancing lightly in the light, popped up in his palm. The crowd of people went "ooh".

"Tricks?" The other magician asked, the dark-skinned man. "You call those…TRICKS? Do you know who I am?"

Nick looked him over. Something about him was very familiar. Then he remembered a video he'd seen before.

"Oh, you're David Blaine! You did that ice trick in NYC!"

"Yes, me and Mr. Prongs here are doing a round-the-world magic trip to show off our skills for a big celebration in NYC on New Year's Day. Premiere performers will come from all around the globe, it's going to be quite a treat!"

"We're going to put on quite the show." King said. "Yes, I'm going to be in it too. I like doing magic for fun when I am not doing it for reasons of battle." He explained.

"Many know me for the dramatic ice escape I did, but my most famous ability is the power to levitate." David Blaine explained. "Watch and learn!" David Blaine closed his eyes, and slowly began lifting off the ground. "What the?" The Sky Demon blinked a few times. The crowd of people, the O'Connell family, King and Nick clapped. "Wow!" Nick gaped. "That's _cool_!"

Suddenly David Blaine flew off into the sky, higher and higher. "AAAAA!" He shouted. "I can't come back doooowwwwnnn!"

"Bloody Americans." The kid magician complained. "This is the fourth time it's happened this week! Hold on, hold on! I'll get me broom!"

AT 10,000 FEET ABOVE CAIRO…

"And if you look out your windows on the left folks, you'll see the beautiful city of Cairo, we're passing over it's center right now-oh, oh my! And if you look out on your RIGHT, you'll see David Blaine and a magician on a broomstick flying after him!"

"**AAAAAA**!!!"

"Grab me bloody broom, Blaine!"

BACK DOWN ON THE GROUND…

"What…the…crap…was…that?" Hsi asked.

"…just got with it, dude. Anyway, Mr. O'Connell, would you please drive us to where the golden bell piece is?" Nick asked.

"Call me Rick. And uh, about that…well…"

"How about I tell them?" Alex's uncle spoke. "I'm Jonathan. I saw this golden piece fall into a temple. Problem is…well, that place is supposed to be very sacred, which Evey and the Egyptian people here in town respect…"

Evey nodded.

"Very haunted, which I'm bloody well afraid of!"

"Chicken." Alex snickered.

"Impossible to reach by road because it's surrounded by desert and a moat of quicksand, and impossible for our zeppelin to get to." Rick said in a depressed tone. "Because it needs repairs."

"Well, WE can fly." Nick said, grinning. "Right Hsi?"

The Sky Demon nodded. "Good point. But I wonder how the Chans plan on getting to the temple…"

Nick rubbed his chin. Hmm…

"How indeed? Maybe…"

"Wow, a Tohru-balloon. Who knew! Thanks again Tohru! No, wait, don't open your mou-AAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Nick? Come back to Planet Earth!"

"Sorry. My mind wanders."

"Yeah, you should keep it on a LEASH. And who cares how they're getting to the temple? It can't be fast as we can be!"

AS IT WERE…

"Thanks for the lift, Mr. Bay."

"It's no problem. Jackie is a personal friend of mine. I'm always glad to help out his niece."

Tohru and Jade were walking through the streets of Cairo, planning on heading to the sewers below, where supposedly there was a secret passage which would lead to the temple. A friend of Jackie's was guiding them…a "Medjai" named Ardeth Bay. He was a tall man, with dark brown eyes, long black hair and a war paint on his face. His dark and impressive warrior's garb made him stand out in the streets.

"So what exactly is a Medjai?" Jade asked curiously.

"A holy warrior, Mrs. Chan." Ardeth explained. "We Medjai are descended from the Nubians and were incorporated into the Ancient Egyptian's military. We've served as bodyguards, shock troops, scouts, workers, you name it, we've done it! As of right now though, we have a new task, which is making sure that the many treasures of Egypt don't LEAVE Egypt."

"But the bell piece…er, I thought it wasn't Egyptian." Tohru asked. "It's not." Ardeth told him. "Another reason I'm taking you to the temple."

They were currently just above a sewer grate. Ardeth took it off and stepped to the side. "Ladies first." He said.

The sewer was disgusting. Jade held her nose, Tohru held his breath, and all Ardeth did was hold a steady pace as they walked along the side of it, on an outcropping of the wall that kept them from actually walking in…well, you know. "We keep following this path for about half an hour and we'll end up right at the underground entrance." Ardeth told them. "Just keep moving."

MEANWHILE…

Bai Tsa looked around. No sign of anyone in the house. She carefully snuck down the stairs and slowly but surely opened up the door, then gently closed it behind her. The moment it was closed, she bolted for the garage and dove onto a motorcycle, taking off as fast as she could.

Tso, who had been reading in the library, looked up from his copy of "Mere Christianity". "Hmm. There goes sister again. Every day at 10:00, just like clockwork."

Hak Foo was taking a break from exercising and was also reading, he had a copy of "Don't Eat This Book". "Fish breaks free from flock? Unusual."

"She always does this. I believe it is to go and check on that painting she hid. She's moved it somewhere just outside of San Fran, I believe."

"Painting?"

"Oh, she once fell in love with a member of the Chinese Coast Guard. He was an amazing painter, made her a beautiful piece. She values it above all things. It was so valuable she didn't even keep it in Atlantis, her great city." Tso explained calmly. He stroked his chin. "But really, I don't know what's so special about it…"

Bai Tsa had finally arrived at the coast, in a special, secret alcove. She hopped off the motorcycle and dove into the water, changing into her demon form and swimming down the coast a few hundred meters, up to a ladder that led up to a small cave that was blocked by a boulder. She held up a webbed, clawed hand and large hands of water rose from the ocean, removing the boulder and holding it away while she climbed the ladder and went inside the cave.

There it was. The painting. The paint was faded quite a bit, but otherwise it was still beautiful. It was the most beautiful sunset that had ever been put on canvas, a myriad of purple, red, yellow and orange, seamlessly blending in that way so many saw and loved at the end of the day. The sun was sinking into the ocean in the painting, and there, on the beach, sitting side by side with their backs to the viewer of the painting…her beloved and her, happy as could possibly be.

She had NEVER gotten it wet. Not once. She didn't want to let the paint run. She barely dared to touch the canvas. She gently reached out and let a single claw stroke down her beloved's back…then she removed it. She closed her eyes, a single tear falling down, one more drop of water to be added to the ocean.

"It wasn't fair." She said, crying. "It wasn't fair…"

Back in Egypt, Nick and Hsi were flying high in the skies, talking to each other. Hsi Wu was in full demon form, and Nick was concentrating as best he could on his flight power. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

"So tell me Hsi, how did Dai Gui get the bell piece again? And where'd he find it?"

"Well, first things first. I met him outside while you were going to bed early, and he was…um…what's the term?"

"Raising the roof." Nick said. Suddenly an eagle called out and Nick swerved in the air to the left, avoiding it. "Sorry!" Nick shouted. The eagle gave him a look and then went back to flying. "So what happened after he'd finished with the victory dance?"

"Well he said he wanted to show everyone what he and that Clancy Ratso what they'd gotten. I told him he should show it after I'd woken you up, and that's when his eyes glazed over…"

"He remembers me now?"

"Yes! In fact, all of us do now! Seeing the movie re-awakened the good times we had watching flicks at your place when we were children."

Nick laughed as the wind blew into his face. "Yeah! Ha-ha! Good times, huh?"

The Sky Demon suddenly spat out something from his mouth and began picking his teeth with a claw. "Ew, I HATE it when bugs get stuck in my teeth! I think it was a mosquito!"

"Ooooh!" Nick sniggered. "The curse of King Tut!" He said in a spooky manner. "Woooooo!"

"That's _not funny_!" Hsi said, but he laughed slightly all the same. Finally they saw it…the temple. It looked old, the walls around it were crumbling, the moat of quicksand looking deceptively calm. There was an amazing amount of life AROUND it though…many palm trees, a cool oasis to the side, and flowers…beautiful flowers that lined here and there around the temple, some crawling up the sides of the walls. "Wowww!" Nick exclaimed. "Purrrdy!"

They touched down just outside of the temple doors and Hsi pushed the doors open. "Well then, shall we?" He asked.

Inside, the walls were decorated with various hieroglyphs and depictions of Ancient Egyptian life…actually, scratch that, it seemed to be more like preparing for DEATH. Nick recognized one scene in particular…

"The weighing of the heart!" He exclaimed, running over to it. "Ooooh! I just LOVE this stuff!" "What exactly is it with you and mythology and history?" Hsi asked, walking over. "Well, when I was a little kid in elementary school and I didn't have anything else to do I'd read the school's history books! And one of my first and favorite books was a book that was all about Mythology, a gift from my dad for my birthday." Nick explained. He gently raised his hand and moved it across the picture.

"This is…amazing…" He gasped. "This is a scene from The Spells for Coming Forth by Day…the Book of the Dead! This is from the Papyrus of Ani. That's Ani over there…" He pointed at the huge scale, where, just to the left of it's center, an Egyptian man in noble clothes was robed. "Those people to the left of him, that threesome are the aspects of Fate, kind of like the Weird Sisters or the Stygian Witches from that movie, what was it called? Oh yeah…Clash of the Titans!"

He moved his hand to another scene on the wall, unaware that the room was getting oddly stuffy and cold…

There was a scene of many people surrounding a chest, in which a man was sitting in perfectly, with a goat-headed man just to the side of the chest. "Oh, THIS story…" Nick frowned. "This is a scene from the story of Osiris, in which his brother tricks him into fitting inside a chest. Set planned to kill his brother at a dinner party and told his guests that anyone who could fit perfectly inside the chest would win it, and it was an expensive prize, so EVERYONE, including his own brother tried. But it was a set-up, the chest was made to fit Osiris, and after the poor schmuck got in, Set sealed the chest shut with molten lead!"

Jade and Tohru had finally been lead to the temple's underground entrance. Leaving Ardeth behind with a cheery "thank you" they climbed up a long flight of stairs and found themselves in a dark room. Interestingly enough, there were no hieroglyphs whatsoever…although there was one drawing, that of the famous Egyptian God Osiris…but it looked defaced, someone had gone to town on it. Jade looked puzzled as she examined it. "Hey…this is recent." She realized quickly, tracing her hand over the damage. "Plus the wall feels…warm…it shouldn't feel warm!..."

Tohru looked puzzled too. "And it is very cold in here…should it not be much warmer?" He looked around. Suddenly he saw something. "Uh…Jade?" He gasped. "Get behind me…"

There was a sinister grin of pearly whites looming in the darkness, coming closer…

"_**NOW**_!"

Hsi Wu shivered as Nick looked back at him. "Th-th-that name…that name…Osiris…he's…he's one of THEM." He hissed. "One of the great judges of the Underworld. Another "by-the-book" piece of FILTH." He snarled. "I can't stand them. Those judges, the Heavenly Host, the Immortals…all the same, never ready to try and allow something new, something **different** the right to exist-"

"Woah, chill!" Nick said. "Don't you think you're being a little harsh? I mean, they can't be that bad!"

"Care to revise that last statement?" A smooth, dark voice asked. It had a distinct Egyptian accent and a low growl to its tone. Nick turned to his right, Hsi to his left, and both didn't even have time to get out a single gasp before something hit them both hard…

And they remembered nothing more.

And about 100 feet away, two other people were suffering the same fate.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Ohh…my _head_…"

Nick woke up, head throbbing. "What hit me?"

"Oh, that would be me." That dark voice from before spoke. The first thing Nick noticed was that he and Hsi were tied to each other in a glass case of some kind, with a strange alchemic circle beneath them. There were candles all around the case, and they smelled of incense.

_We must be in a separate room, and judging from the stink of the air, it's obviously someplace far, FAR in…probably several floors underground too…_

"Smart boy." The voice spoke again. Nick blinked. "Wait, you can…"

"Read your mind? No, it's your HEART I can read. I can tell from how you're looking around, from your mere aura that you're trying to figure out what's happening…and the thought's crossing your mind that you've got to get your friend the Sky Demon out as soon as you can…oh, and perhaps you want to warn your little friends the Chans?"

Nick's mouth was so far open you could have put a pineapple in it. "_Gaaaaauuuuuhhhh_!"

"Eloquent you're not. Now then…" A flash of light, and then a being whose face he couldn't see appeared before them, muscular arms crossed, his legs powerful, cloaked in the manner of an Ancient Egyptian. His hands were clawed, they looked razor sharp, and this thing was looking down at them with golden eyes …and he was BIG. Taller than Tohru!

And next to him were Tohru and Jade, unconscious…oh so Nick hoped. Hsi woke up and muttered something. Then he realized he was tied up to Nick. "What the? I can't break loose!"

"Those bonds are made of Sphinx Hair. They're magical as can be. Don't even bother trying to get out. While they may not weaken you body and soul like they'd do to your Fire Demon brother, they're still strong enough to block the powers you two have."

Hsi turned to glare at this new being. "I'm going to rip your-" Then he saw Jade. "JADE!" He shouted. "YOU LET HER GO!!!" He snarled, eyes turning blood red. "Let her go right now!"

The eyes closed. "I'm sorry. I can't do that."

"Why not? And who are you anyhow?"

"I am one of the Guardians of the Dead, who helps lost and lonely souls move on. I am a spirit who traverses the boundary between life and death, who is always thought of as dwelling in the darkness. I can deem deceased worthy of becoming a star, a protector of the dead. I have been cursed and cast aside as a dark god…I tire of it. Tire of it all! That is why I am doing what I am now doing, using you four as a way to break free from this prison that calls itself "reality"!"

Nick blinked a few times. "Wait…you're…the Egyptian God of Dying and Embalming, aren't you? Anubis?"

The voice chuckled, and the eyes opened again. "Indeed." Now they could see him in his entirety. He had a green and white headdress hanging down from his black, furry jackal's head, and those eyes were filled with intensity and keen instinct. He smiled, showing off razor-sharp teeth. "Greetings little Chosen. It's actually quite an honor to meet the one who _would_ have been the Game Master. A pity…"

"Let…Jade…GO." Nick said angrily. Anubis shook his head. "I can't." He said. "She's a sacrifice. Because of her Chosen aura, she's a perfect candidate. And your little Sumo friend here has a Chosen aura as well…he's also a good candidate. As for YOU two…well, you also have a use for us."

"Us?"

"Oh, Set's around here. He's just been sending some servants out to get sacrifices to satisfy his hunger. I don't enjoy eating humans body and soul, but Set's one of the bad ones. You know how they are, Nick, you've met a few." Nick was feeling very afraid. He wasn't sure why, he just was. He wasn't afraid of dying or death, yet…a chill gripped his heart and held it tightly. "Wh-what are you gonna do with us?"

Anubis snapped his clawed fingers and suddenly a beautiful shining light made of many different colors appeared before them on a shimmering screen. "Do you see that light?" He asked. "That is the power of the Creator, the Unlimited. It is the power that is beyond Life and Death. Now notice THIS…"

He held up one claw and pointed to a silvery trace that was shining down on a little city below the light. "That trace you see is the power of the true and ultimate Life, the ability to live free of any boundaries. We here in this world are trapped here by the will of those who seek to use us for their own ends, who have no respect for our kind! If we had this power of Life, we could break free and go wherever we pleased, be free to truly LIVE…the way you and your kind do, Nicholas Michael Grey…your kind who so often use us as tools!"

"Ohhh…" Jade groaned. She was waking up. Anubis sighed and clapped his hands. Now she and Tohru were tied to each other by Sphinx hair. "What the? Nick? Hsi? What's going on? I don't understand…" She asked.

"Of course you doesn't. You're a stupid little human." A nasty, cruel voice spoke. It was dark in tone, but rougher than Anubis, and it had no hint of humanity in it. Appearing before them was someone else, another Egyptian god. Nick didn't even have to look at the clothes, the smell of fresh death on him…that goaty head with teeth that were far too sharp, too much like that of a wolf's…it was Set, arguably the most Evil figure in all of Egyptian mythology. He was big and tall too, but what Nick noticed was more chilling. His teeth were bloodstained, and he looked very smug.

"My servants caught some fat tourists. Ironic huh that I'm also the god of foreigners, isn't it? They snagged some red-headed Germans, more delicious irony!...emphasis on "delicious"-oh!" He looked down at his stomach, which was bulging slightly. "They're still kicking." He patted it proudly. "I do so enjoy a Sunday brunch, don't you?" He asked the prisoners.

"EW." Jade muttered. Hsi looked disgusted. "You actually ate them alive!? You didn't kill them first? You sicken me." Nick wanted to vomit, but instead glared at the god. "LET…MY…FRIENDS…GO!"

The happy look on Set's face turned to a glare that could kill. He leaned in and spat on Nick, who flinched. "No. Why should we? You use our kind all the time in your little stories…why should we feel pity? Why shouldn't we use YOU?!?"

"Wait…stories? You mean to tell me that?-" Jade suddenly got it. "This is all about the stories people write that include you mythological beings?"

"It is not just simply us. There are BILLIONS of beings out there who are directly controlled by the power of Authors, those who create stories on Nick's world, "The Real World". When they write about us, when they use us in their stories, be they for TV, the Internet or anything else…then they take us away from what little true Life we have." Set growled.

"We have to endure what the Author wills us to do, and sometimes we will be used in more than one place at the same time, meaning our souls are split into who knows how many pieces." Anubis said. Anger was seeping onto his features. "Imagine if you had someone controlling you all the time like a puppet! We aren't free to live TRULY, the way your kind can! But…if we could use the power of your aura to repair the Book of Ages…"

"Then we'll be able to rewrite reality and make it so that WE will be in charge!" Set laughed evilly. "We'll finally be free! You should consider yourselves lucky." He sneered, leaning down to Jade's face. "Anubis has decided to keep you alive. Your little Sumo friend however, well…not so much. Humanity will only have three purposes, to be our manservants, our meals, and in your case…" He yanked her hair back, inhaling her scent. Hsi hissed. Nick clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Our mates." Set whispered. "Be grateful you will survive as Anubis's mate, that your beloved twosome over there, the first to lose their auras, will become my slaves. Too bad about your precious Tohru. He tries so hard to look after you…doesn't he even make your lunches?"

Jade was crying. Set laughed. "Your sorrow brings me such joy…go ahead and take her and the fatty away." He told Anubis. "Soon we shall prepare the ceremony that will strip these two of their souls and their aura."

Anubis nodded and lifted them both up. Jade kicked and spat, but to no avail. The Egyptian God simply tucked them both underneath his arm and walked off to the left exit of the chamber Nick and the Sky Demon were tied up in. Now very desperate, the twosome redoubled their efforts to break free but to no avail.

"Now then…" Set grinned. "I am going to go and bring back the ingredients to flavor the fatty. My servants can look after you morsels in my stead. For now, anyway."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Hsi shouted. "I'll kill you both! I swear to God, I'LL-"

Set walked off, laughing. Hsi lowered his head, gasping, crying. "No, no, no…we have to get out!" Nick was taking in deep breaths. In, out, in out. "What on earth is your problem?!?" Hsi asked. "This is NOT the time to be doing breathing exercises!" "We just need to…to calm down and think things through…something will come to us." Nick said. "I mean, something always does!"

Hsi slammed his head into Nick's. "OW!" Nick shouted. "Look around you, Nick!" The Sky Demon yelled. "This isn't a place to look for a silver lining!" "But it could be worse!" BANG! Another head-butt. "OW! Quit it!" "How could it be WORSE?!?" Hsi Wu screamed in fury and sorrow. "Well…we…we could be feeling sick…"

"I AM feeling sick!"

"Well, they…they can take our lives, but they can never take our-oh, they've taken our freedom. Well…well…Jade will get away, she's clever, she's smart, she'll figure something out, she…" Nick lowered his head, his voice breaking. "She…always does…she's…she's Jade, she's…"

He hung his head. "It's…it's not fair." He finally said. "I have all this power. I have all this potential. But…but I can't do ANYTHING! I'm stuck! Trapped! GOD-!!! GOD _**DAMN**_ IT, I HATE THIS!" He shouted. "WHY CAN'T YOU HELP!?!" He screamed up to the Heavens, to the Voice that had guided him before. "Why the HELL can't you help?!?"

"Nick, shut up!" Hsi shouted. "You've got to calm down!"

Nick groaned. "Ohh, I can't! I can't focus! I don't think well under pressure, remember!?!" He smacked his feet against the ground. "Darn it, darn it, DARN it! I have to break us free, rescue Jade and Tohru, find the bell piece and get back to Xiao! I can't stop thinking about that, that _kiss_ we had."

**SFX: Record scratch**

Hsi blinked a few times. "What the?...Nick, what does that mean?" He asked, turning his head as best he could.

Nick sighed, looking nervous at the ground. "Hsi, about Xiao and I, there's-there's something you should know…about us…"

**Author's Note:**

**WOAH! This could be big! A secret or two revealed, Jade in danger, and what's going on back at the home front? Here are some more sneak preview quotes...**

**"It's simple. We help Set and Anubis out...they let us live. Good deal, huh?"**

**"I need you...need your strength...give up your strength to me..."**

**"That annoying boy Drew has been spying on us."**

**"Don't ever get married!"**

**"Oh God, he's gonna diiiiiieeeeee!"**

**"I...am your nightmare."**


	31. Egypt, Pt2

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

EGYPT, PT. 2

"Oh, **SHADDAP**." A nasty voice suddenly snarled. A few angry-looking things came in. They were unusual, they had strong muscles, arched backs, and golden masks upon their…no, those WERE their faces…they had soulless eyes the color of bright blue, strong-looking hands, and razor sharp teeth…and they were holding weapons in their hands, a different kind of weapon for each servant of Set. The first one had scythes. The second one had daggers. The third one had cleavers and the fourth one had axes. The point: they looked like the kind of things that liked to carve their meat up well.

They approached Nick and Hsi, sneering. "Well we've been set by Master Set to make sure YOU lot don't get away." The first one said. "Also, Anuck over there's gonna carve up that Asian sensation's sumo friend into pieces after Anubis has had his way with her. He's a big softy, letting her say goodbye…"

Nick didn't even speak. He hung his head. He didn't know what to do, he was so afraid, and he was too angry to cry. He didn't know what to do…

Hsi however, smelled something. Something odd.

It sort of smelled like…

Perfume? Coco? By Chanel?

Nick smelled something too. What was it?...

"Hey, leave some taunting for us." Drago said, stepping out of the darkness. "The Boss-Man wanted US to help out too."

Nick gaped. "Oh, come ON! Not you too!"

"It's simple." Drago explained while his "peeps" crossed their arms and glared at Nick and Hsi Wu's tied-up forms. "We help Set and Anubis out…they let us live. Good deal, huh? Plus we get some gold for our troubles, and you know what they say…money talks. And I speak its language." "Word." Strikemaster Ice said. "That s—t is off the hook, man!"

"…what?"

"That s—t is off the hook."

"…hey, uh…why are you speaking like that? Aren't you a pizza boy?"

"I WAS. But I'm from The Street! G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Unit!"

"If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna make you ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-get out asses outta here!" Drago muttered and then rolled his eyes. "Why is good help so hard to find?"

Nick groaned. There HAD to be a way to get out of…

There was that…that scent again. He'd smelled a trace of it before…it smelt nice. Very nice…

He looked up, and almost gaped.

VIPER?!?

Viper was tucked into the corner of the wall, up at the top of the room. She put a finger to her lips and carefully swung over to a nearby pillar, shimmying behind it and positioning herself between it and the wall.

There it was…HOPE. Viper could help them escape! He just had to think of a way to distract the guards fast enough. Hmm…what distracted people well? Especially a bunch of dumb brutes like these?

He had it.

"You know…" He began to speak.

Drago, Strikemaster Ice, MC Cobra, DJ Fist and the servants of Set looked at him. "What!?!" One servant asked, annoyed.

"Jade means a lot to all three of us, right?" Nick spoke. Drago blinked a few times. "Well…yeah…"

"Well, Hsi likes her, I like her, YOU like her, right dude?" Nick asked him. Drago nodded. "Yeah, I do. She's funny, clever and-"

Suddenly "Like a Virgin" began to play on the watch Nick had. Nick turned red in the cheeks. "Er…sorry…" He mumbled. "Anyhow, the point is, if you really care about her, if you really want her to be yours…then shouldn't YOU be the first one she…er…you know…has…IT with?" Nick asked. The junior sorcerer blinked a few times then snapped his fingers. "You're absolutely right!" He said, running off. "Hold on baby, I'm comin'!"

Nick grinned. "I KNEW it would work." He told Hsi. "Now for these three punks." He turned to Strikemaster Ice and his two friends and addressed them.

"Say, do you boys ever think about waterfalls?"

They blinked. "What?"

"You know! Waterfalls! Hundreds of thousands of gallons of water!"

A gurgling sound came from the punk's stomachs. They groaned.

"Flowing, spilling, rushing gushing, splashing…"

"ARRRRGGHHH!" They screamed, running away for the bathroom. "Boy, that was fighting dirty." Hsi commented. Nick shrugged. "If they can play dirty, then I can dabble in dirty once or twice."

The servants of Set looked angrily at Nick. "What do you think you're up to-"

But before their leader could finish, Nick began speaking again in as girly a tone as he could muster. "Well you see yesterday?...Sandi and Jade like, went shoe shopping and…"

"Shoe shopping." The first one groaned.

"_Shoe_ shopping?"

"Shoeee shooopppiiiinnnggg…" Another moaned, walking off.

They all promptly shuffled out the room, complaining about how awful shoe shopping was and how stupid women were. Nick grinned. "Well that was EASY!" He said. "Boy I'm lucky." Viper, who was behind the pillar still, flipped down and ran over to them, whipping out a knife from her belt, cutting through the Sphinx hair. "King told me to come along in secret in case you two messed up somehow. He had a bad feeling about this trip…ah, I wanted to travel to Egypt anyway. I've got ancestry here!"

Nick looked impressed. "Really? Well I can sort of see the-"

Hsi jumped up, stretching his wings. "We can talk ancestry or we can go and save Jade!" He told them. Nick nodded. "Right. Let's get to it!" He slammed his fist into his palm, face set with determination. Viper took off two pistols from her belt and twirled them. (Boy, she's got EVERYTHING in that belt!) "You ready to go "Tomb Raider" on their asses?" She asked. Hsi cracked his knuckles. Nick held up his hand and then clenched it into a fist.

"The shit just got real." He told them.

MEANWHILE…

King sipped his green tea in the hospital waiting room while Bai Tsa emerged from the nearest elevator. She was looking very smug and VERY satisfied. She also had some crisp, fresh dollar bills stuffed into her pockets and her bra now. Nodding at King as she walked by him, she headed out the front door, passing a guy who worked at the gift shop who called out "Hey, tomorrow at 9 behind the dumpster?"

She shook her head and called back "9:15! 9: **15**!"

"Okay!"

King groaned. Tso Lan, who was also there with him and still reading "Mere Christianity" sighed. He had gone there to accompany the Enforcers, who were admitted only a few minutes ago for stomachaches. You see, He'd helped Hak Foo poison their lemonades. It served them right for laughing at him while he was exercising hard and doing chores they should have been helping out with trying to fix up the mess they'd made in the garage.

Tso finally spoke. He'd been quiet for quite a while. "It is nice…yet also pathetic…to know some things simply do not change. Our good friend Nick is still a weird yet true friend, the governments of your time can't be trusted to do a good job, Bai Tsa is willing to sleep with pretty much everyone…"

"Paris Hilton, eat your heart out." King thought with a wry mental laugh.

"And Xiao hates doing menial chores." Tso added that last one with a flicker of a smile. But King shook his head. "No, I believe he's getting used to working here." Tso raised an eyebrow. "Whatever makes you say that?"

Xiao suddenly walked by, carrying some medical supplies and singing. "I can't do this all on myyyy owwnnn, yeah I know…I'm no Superman!" "Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooooohh!" A crowd of doctors sang out as he entered into the elevator with them. "I'm no Superman!"

King smiled slightly. "Just a hunch." He said, and went back to his tea.

Back at the house, Sandi tossed and turned in bed. She wasn't sleeping well, that horrible, frightening eye was staring at her in what seemed to be a horrible nightmare. But now, now so _close_ to her, it was only mere feet away from her!

"…"

_And…she felt like it wanted to say something to her. _

"_What?" She found herself mumbling, half in fear, half in curiosity. "Whaddya want from me?"_

"…_I'm not strong enough…I'm not strong enough." It whispered to her, voice soft, enticing. "I'm not strong enough…but you…you __are__…"_

"_What do you want?" She asked again. That eye loomed closer and closer…_

"_I need you…need your strength…give up your strength to me…"_

"_St-sta-stay back…" Sandi gulped in her vision. Please, she thought. Stay back. _

"_Give up your strength…yourself…to me…"_

"_No…don't…"  
_

_It was so close, only a few feet away…_

"_Don't fight me. Rest…rest…"_

"_No, stay away, stay…stay ah…ah…" She felt so tired…so very tired. She fell to her knees, hands hitting the ground as she tried to keep herself up to some extent. "Shendu…Shen…du…help…me…please…"_

"_Rest, my dear. Rest…" _

_She collapsed on the ground. Now it was not an eye, but THREE that stared at her, and she felt herself falling, down, down…_

"_Rest…"_

_She vaguely heard someone call her name in frightened concern…and then nothing but darkness was all she remembered._

MEANWHILE…

"Lemme go, you creep!" Jade shouted, as Anubis walked into a bedroom chamber, placing Tohru to the side. He carefully placed her on the bed and stood back. "You big jerk!" She shouted, jumping up and aiming a kick at his head. It hit the side of his neck and he didn't even flinch. She growled and threw a punch but he simply grabbed her body and placed her back down. Then he closed his eyes and held his hands together, chanting. He shrank down to a smaller yet still talk and dark size, and opened his eyes again.

"Now please don't bother fighting me. You won't win." He told her simply. "You know this to be true, deep in your heart. You're afraid." Jade suddenly took in a breath, a slightly curled fist going to her mouth to stop whatever she wanted to say. Anubis sighed, crossing his arms. "That gesture proves your fear. You want to scream, but you don't want to show any weakness. Still, you're nervous enough to try and suppress it with your hand, that curled fist gives it away. You've got goosebumps on your arm, and, most of all, I can hear your heartbeat…it's so fast I can dance to it."

Jade looked over at Tohru quickly. How to get out of here, how to escape?

"I told you, you can't escape. And he's unconscious…oh wait…" He turned to look at the sumo. "No, he's awakening. I can sense it, his heart's beating more steadily." Sure enough, Tohru was slowly opening his eyes. As he cleared them free of dust and sleep, he looked over at Jade and saw Anubis, gasping. Then he realized that this, this THING was threatening Jade somehow, he could tell, see it in her eyes.

He stood up, cracking his knuckles. "You let Jade go NOOOOWWW!" He shouted, rushing at Anubis. Anubis raised an eyebrow, then his hand, catching Tohru's fist. The sumo grunted slightly, trying to force it down, but the God of the Dead was far stronger. He simply pushed back, and Tohru fell down with a loud "KA-THUMP" that made the room shake. Sighing, the Egyptian god turned back to Jade.

"How I pity you." He said. "All of your kind. I always have, it's in my nature…"

"Then why are you doing this?" Jade asked, unsure.

Anubis sighed and walked over to a nearby wall, brushing aside some dust. A picture was revealed…a display of many, many gods. At the top, near the right, was Osiris, and to his right was Set. "Nephystys is my mother…" He said. "Oh. So…that means that Set's your dad, right?" Jade asked. "I remember from a Mythology book I've read, Nephystys is Set's wife. So that's why let yourself get bossed around by him? Because he's your dad?" She looked honestly disgusted. "But he's a horrible dad. Didn't he cut his brother up and try to feed the pieces to the crocs?" Reall,y it WAS a disturbing mental image.

Anubis turned around and shook his head. "He's not really my father. You see, Isis wasn't always a faithful, "stay-by-his-side" wife. She'd often leave Osiris to go have fun. And Nephysys didn't bear Set any children, she didn't love him abmd he cared not about her. But she wanted a child, and she cared for Osiris…" He looked embarrassed, his cheeks were turned slightly red. "There came a day when she appeared to Osiris in the guise of Isis, offering him a drink…and then another, and another. They talked long into the afternoon, and she continued to give him drinks until he was so drunk that he didn't notice at all that the feel of the Isis that now lay beside him in bed was different from the feel of the Isis that he was SURE was out on the Nile for the day…"

Tohru looked up, rubbing his head, eyes showing obvious disgust. "INCEST?!?"

Anubis nodded. "Frankly, yes." He admitted. "Nephysis committed incest with her brother. But…well, she didn't care about me as much as she should have...she abandoned me. But Isis, she…she had no hatred for me, and she later owed Nephysis, for it was her that helped stitch Osiris back together. I performed the very first Egyptian burial rites ever for his body…"

"Okay, so Isis forgave your mom and didn't hold a grudge to you…"

"And she cared about me, she is…she and Osiris are my true family in my eyes. However, a problem has emerged." He looked sadly at the ground and began pacing. "Osiris is an Underworld Judge. He's been swamped with the people coming in, more and more are coming every day in increasing numbers, and Isis always is helping him. I am…I am always alone…I don't want to be alone anymore, I want to be free, and to have someone by my side to share my freedom…"

He turned back to Jade. "That is why I am willing to force myself upon you. I'd be gentle, I promise…but I can't let you go. I'm sorry, but I can't…I…I don't want to be alone and trapped like I've felt for so long." He walked back over to Jade, who crawled back, only to hit the backboard of the bed. "But I'm going to leave you some time with your friend." He told her, motioning to Tohru. "You can say your goodbyes freely. I'm not heartless." He nodded and left the room. "Don't think ill of me, child." He whispered, closing the chamber door and sealing it with a quickly muttered spell.

Jade fell face down onto the bed with a sob. Tohru walked over to her and picked her up, hugging her. "It's alright." He said. "You-you're like a big brother to me…" Jade sniffled. "I don't wanna lose you…I don't wanna lose anyone…" "We'll be okay." Tohru said. "Something will happen. I'm sure." "Tohru, I'm…I'm sorry I can't think of anything." Jade apologized, wiping her eyes. "Please, I'm sorry, I…wait…" She heard….tapping!

She ran to the wall where the tapping was coming from. "Morse code!" She whispered. She KNEW Morse code! She listned intently for a few moments. "It's…it's…one name, over and over! "Hao"! It's Hao!" She tapped right back: "HELP US". A message came back in response: "STAND BACK".

She did…

And the walls…came tumbling, tumblin'! Tumbling, tumblin'…dooowwwwnnnn!

Hao emerged from the crumbling walls, holding onto the baseball bat from before. "Louisville Slugger. Never leave home without it! Name's Hao Ryu, and I'll be your savior today! Ladies first, quickly, quickly!" He told them, helping them into the newly-made doorway to freedom. "Let's get moving!"

But, at that moment, who should burst through the OTHER door?

"Cutie's here!" Drago laughed, stepping inside with Anubis right behind him. "I told you, I am not going to let you rape-what the?!?"

They saw the threesome vanishing into the smashed-open escapeway. Anubis growled angrily. "She's escaping!" Drago immediately dashed over to it, jumping in. "Oh no she's NOT!" He shouted. "GET BACK HERE, BABY!"

MEANWHILE…

Dai Gui was calmly reading his "Spectacu-Larry" comics in full demon form out on the back lawn. He'd been there for ten minutes and was halfway through. Just then, he saw Tso Lan drifting by, an unmistakable aura of mischievous intent around him.

"What are you doing, brother?" He asked.

"That annoying boy Drew has been spying on us." Tso Lan said.

Dai blinked in surprise, rubbing his chin. "Oh, he's STILL spying on us? I thought he and his friends gave it up two nights ago when I chased them off."

TWO NIGHTS AGO, AT MIDNIGHT:

"Okay, everyone get ready." Drew told his friends as they put on pointed white caps over their heads. "We carry the wooden cross to their front yard, light it on fire, then they'll get the message that they ain't welcome here in MY town."

"OUR town."

"Right, right."

They slowly moved out of the woods and to the back lawn of Valmont manor. Drew sneered as he lowered his hood. The rest of his friends followed suit. "Time for a little fry up." He said as they jammed the cross into the ground. He drew out a small gas can and a box of matches. He was about to light it…

"AH-HEM." Dai Gui said, in full demon form, cracking his knuckles angrily. His friends gasped, then ran away screaming. Drew slowly turned around to face the Earth Demon as it leaned in close and snorted in a bull-like fashion in his face.

"**YOU WOKE DAI GUI UP**."

Drew promptly peed his pants and hobbled off in a hurry. Dai Gui picked up the cross and looked it over. "Hmm…hey, take it back with you!" He shouted, throwing it back into the woods. There was a "KA-CRASH" and several "OWS".

PRESENT…

"Well, they've been spying at us through the garden hedges." Tso Lan said. "They went to go get some lunch now, but when they come back…" He held his clawed hands together, and would have grinned if he could have. "I've got a _plan_."

45 minutes later when Drew and his friends came back, they went back to the hedge they'd been peeking in through an hour earlier and saw…nothing. Hmm.

Drew rubbed his head. "Well, that's weird!" He said. "I was sure someone was going to be coming out here…"

Suddenly Paul noticed something on the ground. "Hey boss, look! A banana." He picked it up. "What's a perfectly good banana doing here?" Andrew wondered out loud as Paul fingered it and looked it over.

Suddenly music began to play.

**BGM: Banana Phone, by Raffi**

_Bo ba do ba do do doob!  
_

Paul blinked. What the hey?

_Bo ba do ba do do doob!_

"Hey, who's singing?" He asked.

"Nobody's singing."

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring  
_

_Banana phone…  
_

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring  
_

_Banana phooooone!_

"Banana phone? What's that?"

"What's what?"

_I've got this feeliiiing…  
_

_So appealing…  
_

_For us to get together and sing - SING!_

"Guys, seriously, turn it down."

Drew and his friends looked at Paul like he was missing his brain. "Dude, nobody's singing."

Drew tossed the banana to Andrew. "Look, I'm telling you, I hear…"

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring,  
_

_Banana phone!  
_

_Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding,  
_

_Donana phone!  
_

Andrew gasped. "What the?"

Paul's eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

"N-n-nothing." Andrew said, looking panicked. "I'm, uh…my ears hurt." He said, rubbing them.

"Ah-HA! You hear it too!"

"Put the banana away!" Rohan said, grabbing it.

_It grows in bunches…  
_

_I've got my hunches…  
_

_It's the best,  
_

_Beats the rest!  
_

_Cellular, modular,  
_

_Interactivodular!_

"Oh, **F--K**!" Rohan groaned the moment he touched it.

"You hear it too?"

"Drew, that f—kin' banana's screwed up!"

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring,  
_

_Banana phone  
_

_Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping,  
_

_Ponana phone!_

"For the love of God, turn it off!" Paul screamed, curled up in a fetal position and banging his head on the ground. Andrew groaned and plugged his ears in vain. Drew picked up the banana.

"What on Earth are you guys talking about? There's no music play-"

_Its no baloney…  
_

_It ain't a phoooony!  
_

_My cellular…  
_

_Bananular phoooooone!_

"Oh f—k me." Drew groaned.

"Let me guess…you're hearing it too?" Rohan snapped.

_**Don't need quarters,  
**_

_**Don't need dimes,  
**_

_**To call a friend of mine!**_

"It's getting LOUDER!!!" Paul yelled.

_**Don't need computer or TV,  
**_

_**To have a real good time!  
**_

_**I'll call for pizza…I'll call my cat!  
**_

_**I'll call the Whitehouse, have a chat!  
**_

_**I'll place a call around the world…  
**_

_**Operator, get me Beijing jing jing jing!  
**_  
Tso Lan, in human form, calmly watched from the rooftop with Dai Gui also in his human form as Drew, Paul, Rohan and Andrew all yelled and groaned and moaned as the song got louder and louder for them.

"How long does it last again? The spell?" Dai Gui asked.

Tso Lan checked a watch he'd "borrowed" from one of the Enforcer's rooms. "3 hours…"

_**Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring,  
**_

_**Banana phone!  
**_

_**Ying yang ying yang ying yang ying,  
**_

_**Yanana phone!  
**_

_**It's a real live mama and papa phone,  
**_

_**a brother and sister and a dogaphone!  
**_

_**A grandpa phone and a grandma phone too - oh yeah!  
**_

_**My cellular…bananular phoooooone!**_**  
**  
**"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT **_**OFFFF**_**!!!"**

Elsewhere…

"ATTENTION HOSPITAL STAFF: THE FUNDRAISER FOR THE NEW WING WILL BE HELD TOMORROW, IN THE AUDITORIUM. LIQUOR IN THE FRONT, AND POKER IN THE REAR. ALSO, HERE ARE THE RESULTS OF THE PREGNANCY TESTS: SUSAN SUVANSKI: NEGATIVE. MELISSA BLAKE: POSITIVE. JOHNATHAN WHINER: NEGATIVE."

"I really AM getting the hang of this!" Xiao said, going into Mr. Tasey's room. He'd been sneaking peeks at the doctors and interns at work and had been also sneaking healing spells into the various IV packs he handled occasionally. He and Mr. Tasey, a decorated war veteran, had hit it off very well.

"How are we doing, Mr. Tasey?" "Corey Damon" asked the old man. "Nice day out today, isn't it?" He asked, glancing out the window. It was bright, sunny, and the clouds were in funny-looking shapes.

"It's a _great_ day." Mr. Tasey said. "Could you open up those blinds to my right?" He asked "Corey". "I want to see what's going on in the next room."

Xiao pulled on the blind string and the blinds shot up, revealing Bai Tsa and, of all people, Nurse Sky Dog going at it over a narcoleptic patient who had fallen fast asleep moments before. She was SNOGGING.

"WOAH! What a slut my sister is!" Xiao said, gaping. "You don't do THAT in a hospital! Care to join me in a super loud "Hey, whore"?"

"Sure thing, Dr. Damon."

"All right." "Corey" said. "One, two, three…"

"**HEY, WHORE**!" They both shouted. Bai looked up from the snogging and immediately broke away. "Oh! Uh…how long have you been watching that?"

"Long enough." Xiao said. "Get outta here!" He told her. Walking off in a huff, Bai Tsa exited the room and went to the nearest elevator. Nurse Sky Dog entered Mr. Tasey's room, nodding. "You're right, I shouldn't have made out with her. Really, we were just doing it to get Mr. Hendricks to fall asleep, he falls asleep at the slightest sight of sexual activity…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, he dozed off after seeing me with Anita." Xiao said, eyes tearing up. "Oh….Anita…you had my heart…you…had my heart…" He wiped his eyes with his arm and nodded to Mr. Tasey. "Just be careful, my sister's willing to have sex with anyone. Of course, I'm hardly one to talk, but still…"

"Xiao, I've been meaning to talk to you." Nurse Sky Dog said. "As you're well aware, I'm not just a school nurse, I'm also a head doctor here at the hospital…the school job's just for incidental cash. Now I like you, and I've noticed you've been doing great work with the patients, and you seem to have the magic touch…seeing you seems to help the patients get better!"

Xiao shrugged humbly. "I suppose…"

"So what I'm saying is…I'd like you to become a resident here. If you do well, you could move up to become a chief resident."

Xiao's eyes widened. "Does this mean more money?" He asked.

"Well, yes, but also harder work and more hours with-"

"I'll be happy to do it!" Xiao said, shaking Nurse Sky Dog's hand rapidly. "Oh, I promise sir, I will do all I can!"

After Nurse Sky Dog had left, Xiao hugged Mr. Tasey. "This is GREAT, Mr. Tasey!" He laughed happily. "I'm moving up! I'm finally moving up!" Mr. Tasey hugged him back. "No problem." He said. "You deserve it, I've seen how hard you work. You'll make a good resident."

Xiao beamed and left Mr. Tasey's room. "Now I gotta go check on Mr. Sparks, his condition is deteriorating and I want to check up on him. Take care, Mr. Tasey! I'll be back soon!"

Just in the lower lobby, waiting for Nurse Sky Dog, Bai Tsa sat down in a chair. When he emerged from the elevator her called Bai Tsa, AKA "Michelle" over to a nearby empty office.

"Michelle, I'm afraid it's…worse than we feared. I wanted to be the one to tell you because I know we trust each other." He told her.

"Baby, you mean?..."

Nurse Sky Dog sighed as he looked over the snazzy metal clipboard in his hands. "Yes Michelle. You have…Chlamydia."

"AAA!"

"And Gonorrhea!"

"AAAA!"

"And Syphilis!"

"AAAAA!!"

"And Crabs!"

"AAA-wait, what?" Bai Tsa asked, confused.

"Pubic lice." Nurse Sky Dog explained.

Bai Tsa sighed in relief. "_Phew_. I thought you were going to say I had Herpes!"

"Well actually…" Nurse Sky Dog said, leaning his head down slightly in a "you know…" fashion.

"Oh, **D--N** those Starbucks toilet seats!" Bai Tsa groaned.

Leaving Mr. Tasey with a cheery "take care", Xiao walked out of the room. "Gotta get me some scrubs!" He chuckled. King raised an eyebrow. Something was odd. That demon was enjoying this a bit too much…

Exiting the hospital, King went to the nearest payphone. Closing his eyes for a moment, he held up his palm and whispered in a hissing tone. A few quarters appeared, going into the payphone. He dialed the number of Valmont's house and waited. Valmont answered it.

"Well 'ello good sirs and madams! Julian Valmont here! May I ask who's calling?"

"It's me. King."

"Ah, King! Good to hear from you! You won't believe what's happened!"

"What?"

"Well two things. Which do you eat first? Dessert or dinner?"

"…dinner. Why?"

"Well, the bad news is my wife dropped in for a bit of a surprise visit today-"

"I _**HEARD**_ THAT!"

There was a KA-THWMOP as a shoe hit Valmont's head and he swore in British. Then he went back to speaking. "And she's in one of her bloody _moods_…" He whispered.

"I heard **that** too!"

Yet another KA-THWOMP. But Valmont laughed after groaning for a while. "HA! You're out of shoes, my love! Now _what_, oh Queen of Hearts, are you going to do _**now**_!?"

The answer was "hit you over the head with your copy of the Gutenberg Bible". After several long, uncomfortable minutes of silence in which Valmont was blissfully stunned…

"Oh…oh, my sodding HEAD…" He then went back to talking to King, rubbing his sore head. "As for…ow…the good news…Xiao paid off the debt for the Ferrari AND the garage! In fact, he even…ouch! That STUNG, woman!!!"

"Save it for someone who cares! I'm going to check in on Sandi!"

"Don't ever get married! Anyhow, as I was saying, that toad even bought me extra insurance!"

"WHAT!?!"

"Yes, amazing isn't it? I heard he won some money in the lottery, about half a million dollars? Simply astounding."

"…yet he's still working at the hospital…perhaps he's trying to buy his own car-" Suddenly King stiffened. He felt something horrible, a chilling presence…a high-pitched sound that he could barely hear through the phone. "Valmont…I hear…hear something…it's…it's a call." "A what?" "A summoning call, made for retrieving the intended target whilst they sleep…is everyone in your house?!"

Valmont didn't say anything at first, then spoke. "Hold on. I'll go check-" He muttered, but suddenly…

A voice, screeching out his beloved daughter's voice in horrified concern. The sound of running footsteps that followed right after the loud CLANG that signified that Valmont had dropped the phone in haste.

"**SANDI**?!?" King heard a voice scream.

King dropped the phone.

Sandi?

…gone?

BACK IN EGYPT…

Jade, Tohru and Hao bolted through a passageway, with Drago and Anubis right behind them. Tohru was shuffling through his pockets, looking for something. Finally he found it, whipping it out.

"A newt?" Hao asked, raising an eyebrow. Tohru nodded and began to chant. "Yu mo gui gwi fai ti zao, Yu mo gui gwai fai ti zao…"

Drago snarled. "I HATE that chant!" He shouted. "Jade, stop running and I promise to go easy on you!"

Just 100 yards away, the servants of Set were speaking to their boss in the throne room of the temple. They were NOT the bearers of good news.

"THEY ESCAPED!?!" The evil god roared in fury. They cowered and ran to a corner of the room, huddling. "Y-y-yes, sir…the boy tricked us, and somehow escaped…we think that there's someone else in the temple who helped them cut through the Sphinx hair…" Set stomped his foot on the ground, rising up from his throne. "FIND THEM!" He snarled. "Or I'll rip the flesh from your-"

Suddenly Nick stepped out from a nearby doorway, turning around and hoisting his butt up in the air, wiggling it. "Hello, boys!" He laughed.

"GET HIM!" Set snarled, pointing at him. His servants snarled and ran towards him, but at THAT moment…

BAM!

A stun spell fired off had broken through the wall. Emerging from the passageway, Tohru, Jade and Hao stepped out, rushing away from their two chasers. They saw Nick and immediately ran to him, much to Set and his servant's surprise.

"What the? You guys are okay? Hao, you came!" Hsi and Viper, hearing Nick's happiness, came out from behind the corner and saw that Tohru and Jade were indeed okay. Jade perked up in seeing Viper and Hsi perked up in seeing Jade.

"Of COURSE I came." Hao told them. "Now let's get the hell outta here!"

"How are we gonna do that?" Jade asked.

Viper pulled something out from her belt. "I could use this explosive-oh wait, that's a map." She pulled more things out. "Camera, lipstick, GPS tracking system, oh, THERE'S my lucky rabbit's foot!"

At that moment, Drago and Anubis emerged from the passageway. Drago was now VERY upset. "Jade, get the **crap** over here, I'm not freakin' kidding!!!"

Jade looked up at Tohru and had an idea. "Tohru…pile drive the goaty-head."

Set blinked. "Huh-what?"

That was all he got out. Tohru immediately slammed into him hard, grabbing him and rushing through the throne room, slamming and crashing into the wall, going right through again and again and again until finally they crashed outside the temple walls. Too bad…it had had some nice hieroglyphics on them.

Nick and the others ran right out, with the servants of Set, Anubis and Drago right behind them. Viper whipped out the pistols and fired off rounds at them, forcing them back, while Hsi and Tohru decided to take on Set.

It was a dangerous field of battle. To the group's back, lots of baddies. To their right, a very evil, very psychotic god. To the north and south and beyond Set, a moat of quicksand! And the wind was picking up, blowing sand everywhere!

"I don't trust you." Tohru said to the Sky Demon as he swung a punch at the Egyptian god, who easily ducked. Hsi growled and his wings thrust forward, trying to cut Set, who jumped back. "I know you don't!" Hsi shouted. "You shouldn't care about trusting him…care about saving Jade!" Nick shouted to them, facing down Anubis while Jade was tossed a knife for her own protection by Viper, who kept the servants of Set at bay with quick gunplay.

"You cannot hope to win." Anubis said, slamming his fist down at Nick, who quickly ducked to the side. "We will succeed, one way or another. Don't let it be with your death…just give up." "Never give up, never surrender!" Nick shouted, jumping at the god, throwing a punch that struck him in the stomach. He staggered back, then growled, cracking his knuckles. "Then you shall reap the savagery of Anubis!" He howled, suddenly lunging at Nick, slashing with his claws. "Aw, dang!" Nick shouted, running for his life. "Bad doggy! Bad doggy!"

Meanwhile, Jade wasn't doing so hot. The leader of Set's servants kept closing in, and she wasn't too good with the knife. Every time he tried to reach for her, she slashed at him. "Back off, freak!" She shouted. He snickered. "Oh please. I'm tired, and would rather kill you quickly." He lunged at her, but she quickly jumped over him, cartwheeling away. Then she turned around and did the only thing she could think of…THROWING the knife…

WHUMP! It hit him right in the neck. Blood poured out from the wound as he staggered around, gasping in pain as he pulled it out. His eyes turned feral as he advanced angrily towards her. "You are going to PAY for that, little lady!" He snarled. "Oh no…" Jade gulped. Viper suddenly ran by, with other servants chasing after her. The leader whistled, and they stopped. "Let's get her!" He snarled. Naturally, Jade bolted!

At the moment, Hao and Drago were going at it. Hao had gone into his dragon form, and the two were almost unrecognizable in their hatred for one another…the looks on their faces had such venom in them that it would make you shiver. Claws interlocked, they tried to push each other back, neither one giving in. "It ends today!" Drago snarled. "You just wait, I'm going to-"

Hao suddenly headbutted him hard and he fell down, wind knocked out of him. As Hao let loose a sigh of relief, Nick ran by him, being chased by Anubis, who was literally snapping at his heels, howling the occasional Egyptian swear in between chomps. "AAA!!! BAD DOGGY! _**BAD DOGGY**_!" Nick screamed. This only made the god more furious. Luckily that turned out to work for the better, because Nick was running in the same direction as Jade was. The two saw each other and motioned for each other to part at just the right time. One…two…three!

Jade ran to the right, Nick to the left, and both Anubis and the servants of Set who had been chasing Jade collided. The only difference in what HAPPENED to all of them was simple: Anubis was heavier, and he simply hit the ground, groaning slightly. The servants went flying up, up…before hitting the ground, _shattering_. Nick and Jade fell to the ground, panting. "That…that was intense…" Nick muttered.

"AAAA!!!" Hsi shouted, hitting the ground in front of them. "In…case…it's not obvious…" He mumbled in pain, "We're _losing_ to him!" "HELP ME!" Tohru shouted. Set was standing over him, whacking him on the head over and over again with his flail, laughing. "This is more addictive than Whack-A-Mole!" He laughed. "Come on, piggy! Grunt!" Tohru tried to block with his arms, but he kept getting stunned every time Set whacked him. "Stop it!" He shouted. "PIGS-DON'T-TALK!" Set snarled with cruel savagery, raising his flail even higher.

Nick leapt up and grabbed some sand. "Hsi, help me up!" He shouted. Hsi lowered himself and Nick leapt up on his back, then jumped up, over Tohru and threw the sand into Set's eyes. The evil god howled and clawed at his eyes, while Nick helped Tohru away. "Tohru, quick, don't you have something to ward off evil spirits?"

Tohru held up the newt…it had been snapped in half. "Oh, GROSS!" Nick yelled. Then Anubis roared, slashing at them. Luckily Hsi rushed forward to help, shouting "Jade, Nick, everyone, stand back!" as he thrusted his hands out and shoved the god back just in time, taking the brunt of the blow and going down with a scream. "HSI!" Nick shouted.

Meanwhile, Viper was at the top of the temple, guns out and drawn, firing at Drago who tossed fireballs at her from his mouth. "You're awful pretty! But you'll look even prettier when you're WELL-DONE!" He laughed, letting loose a huge one. Viper jumped in the air and suddenly tossed the guns down as she spun, grabbing a knife from her belt and throwing it. It struck right in Drago's chest and he staggered back, wrenching it out. Blood seeped down onto the sand below. "Why you little…" He hissed.

"HEY!" Jade shouted. Drago turned around.

KA-TWHACK!

Jade struck him hard across the face with Hao's baseball bat and he went down, hopefully for good. "THAT'S for Viper!" She said. Then she kicked him in the side for good measure. "And THAT'S for me!" She added.

Only Set and Anubis were left. Unfortunately, Set was NOT in the mood to play games. He raised his crook, and suddenly a huge, swirling set of blood-red vortexes opened up on the sandy ground before them all. One near Nick, Drago and Tohru, the other near Hsi, Viper, Hao and Jade…and both of these led straight on DOWN.

Drago was slowly slipping towards it. Nick gasped at the sight of him vanishing into the portal down to Hell. He turned to look at Hao, who was looking right at his brother. "Well?!?" He shouted. "Help me save him!"

Hao shook his head coldly. "The name's Kid Vigilante. I don't have to kill him, but I don't have to save him. He's a horrible brother, anyhow."

"If you won't help him, then I WILL!" Nick roared, bolting for Drago and grabbing his wrist, wrenching him awake. He looked back and saw himself being sucked in as wind whipped around them all, letting sand, dirt and dust fly around them. He gaped and screamed, then looked up at Nick, who gave him a comforting smile. "Just keep holding on! You'll make it through!" He shouted, and with a mighty WRENCH, pulled him from the brink as the portal went "blink" and vanished.

"You…saved me…again…" Drago said slowly. "But…I tried to kill you, I…I'm a BAD GUY…why did you…?"

"It was just the right thing to do." Nick said, ignoring Hao turning away in a huff. Drago blinked slowly at him, then passed out in a haze.

Meanwhile, Hsi was desperately clawing into the sand, but was slowly slipping into the portal while Jade, Viper and Hao watched. His eyes were pleading, begging for help. "Jade…please…" He wailed, losing what little grip he had on the sand as he was slowly, surely sucked toward his doom in Hell. "Help…help me!"

Jade looked at him, face filled with conflicting emotions. "But…but you're supposed to die!" She shouted hesitantly, remembering what that boy from before had told her earlier…the only way to fix things for good would be to banish Hsi and the others to Hell, right?...

But…but he'd tried to help her…and…and he was being a friend to her…a true friend…

"I WANNA **LIVE**!" He screamed, almost about to lose his grip.

Jade made the choice, jumping forward and grabbing his wrist. Viper and Hao quickly grabbed onto her legs and pulled her as she pulled Hsi away from the portal, which closed up. They sat there, gasping. Then finally Hsi spoke up. "Th-thank you…" He mumbled. "Thank you very much…" Jade brushed her hair back. "Hey…what are friends for?" She laughed. Hsi laughed as well.

Then, with a snap of the evil Egyptian god's fingers, Jade, Nick, Tohru, Hsi and Hao were encased in crystalline jail cells. Set grinned in a feral fashion, walking over to them. "My, my, my, aren't you in a pickle?" He asked smugly. "All I have to do is shatter your little crystal with my strength, and you'll…fall to pieces." He laughed at this idea. "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I LOVE my job…"

"You sick f-" Jade tried to get out. But suddenly Set's face was up in hers, snarling, revealing his sharp teeth. "THAT'S ENOUGH! I let you live for my nephew's sake…but I think I'll just strip you and the other Chosen of your auras and then eat you alive. That woman up on my temple with those little toys of hers has Egyptian ancestry…she's a more worthy mate for him than you are…besides, she also has shamanic talent…that means he can bless her in more way than one…"

"Shamanic talent?" Nick thought out loud. "Wait…DUH! Captain Black, El Toro and Paco, they had Shamanic talent too! Wow, I guess one magical being really DOES attract another…no wonder the J-Team's so successful!" Anubis was right behind Set, eyes set like stone with a face to match. Set laughed again.

Nick tried to break out, but his fists weren't doing anything to break his crystal cell down. "DARN YOU! **DARN** YOU!" Nick shouted. "Stupid magic prisons! I'm getting SICK of magic prisons!"

_Sometimes I really HATE magic…_

Viper looked confused. "I'm a shaman?"

Set nodded. "Quite. Now then, to business." He said, holding his crook high. "Let's see, who to kill first?..."

SCHLUCKA!

Set gasped in pain. He had a clawed hand sticking right through his heart and out of his chest, stuck in from behind by Anubis. He turned his head around, gasping. "Wh…why you…how dare you?!?..."

"That was for the pain you caused my mother, my father and my brother-in-law!" Anubis said with fury. Set let out a horrible gasp, and then fell to the ground, turning into black sand that dissolved in the ground before. Anubis stepped back and snapped his fingers. The crystals shattered, letting them all free. Viper hopped down from the temple, onto the nearest tree and onto the ground below.

"Wh-why did you help us?" Jade asked. The Egyptian god sighed. "I didn't want you to be harmed." He told Jade. "I told you, it's in my nature to pity your kind. I suppose that…being free can wait for another day. I'll have to find some other way, that's all." Nick looked at him, saying nothing at first. Then he spoke. "Well…Mahalo, I guess." Anubis smiled gently. "Don't thank me. It was all of your combined bravery which inspired me. You are all very brave humans. You should be proud of the bond you have with each other."

He turned to Viper. "By the way, you DO have Shamanic talent, Uncle Set wasn't lying. You should have this…it'll help you whenever you need my help." Anubis reached up to his mouth and pulled a teeth out with a grunt. Another one grew right back. He then took a string from the headdress and with a little quick magic, made a little tooth bracelet. "Here." He said, handing it to Viper. "Rub it and say "Wuthai Sinya Habeth" whenever you need my help." He told her.

Then, with a smile and a nod, he vanished into the sand. Viper fingered the bell piece with pride and Nick let loose a sigh or relief. "Phew! I'm glad he wasn't a bad guy after a-"

"Beep-ba-bee-bee-bee, beeba-beeba-beeeeep, ba-beep! Ba-ba-beep-beep…ba-ba-beep-beep!"

Everyone slowly, surely turned to look at Nick, who, cheeks rosy red, picked up his cell phone. "Your ringtone's _**Barbie Girl!?**_" Hao exclaimed. Nick shook his head. "Not usually!" He insisted. "XIAAAAAOOOOOO!" He shouted, shaking a fist at the sky. This made the THIRD TIME the Wind Demon had done something like this.

On the other hand, Xiao changing the ringtone to "Bye bye bye" had been kinda nice.

A WHILE BACK…

"Oh, hold on." Nick said as he sat down in the cafeteria with the others. "My cell phone's vibrating, I'm-"

"Ain't no lie…bye-bye-bye, bye-bye!"

"What the heck?"

"Oh, I LOVE this song!" Sandi remarked, jumping up. Suddenly everyone in the cafeteria began to "get jiggy with it". Unfortunately for some this meant bumping and grinding. Luckily Nick kicked them in the shin, which made them do the "floor hump" instead, which was a LITTLE better.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Mr. Ryu shouted as he walked into the cafeteria. "This is NOT a discotheque! I will not tolerate-wait…is this Backstreet Boys?"

"Yep." Nick responded. "Oh, I'm getting another call…" He gave his best Bambi impression. "So is this a discotheque?"

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

"Best d—n discotheque in the state!" Hao shouted, having stripped off his shirt. He was now twirling it around and around, over his head, while everyone got their freak on.

PRESENT:

He flipped it open. "Hello? Oh, King, what's…what's wrong?" Nick blinked in surprise. His tone became quiet. "What happened? Did something happen?"

Silence for a little while. And then…

"WHAT? Sandi's gone?!? **WHERE?!?**"

ELSEWHERE…

"Are you sure I'll be alright, Dr. Damon?" Mr. Sparks asked. He was a handsome man, with a big smile and a infectious laugh. He was popular at the hospital for taking photographs…and unfortunately he had Lukemia.

Xiao nodded. "You're going to be alright as long as I have something to say about it. Don't worry about going into cardiac arrest, you'll be okay!" He said, smiling and walking off.

"**Oh God he's gonna diiiieeeee!!!"** He screamed inside his head.

Nurse Sky Dog was talking with the other doctors at the hospital. Xiao saw them glancing back to him over and over again as he sat down in the lounge and tried to sip a martini-in-a-mug to calm his nerves. He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. What was it that they wanted to say to him?

Finally Nurse Sky Dog walked over. His face was grim, yet sympathetic. He clapped Xiao on the shoulder.

"Xiao…can I talk to you for a second? It's about one of your patients, I think…I think you know him the best, you should be the one to tell him…"

Xiao blinked. "What do you mean? What's happened?"

"Corey…I…I wish I didn't have to tell you this, but…here. It came back from the radiologist…" He handed over a clipboard. "Corey" looked it over. His eyes widened.

"Oh…oh dear…"

ALSO ELSEWHERE…

"Well…" Shin shook Mark's hand. "It's been great." He said. "I wish I could stay for Christmas…uh, I mean, Hu-hu-huh…"

"Hanukkah. You gotta "huhh" you say it." Mark told Shin. The two of them were saying their goodbyes. Shin had delivered Mrs. Kahn's present and she had been so grateful that she'd given him quite a lot of bus fare. He intended to make his way to NYC, where he felt a calling to.

He shook hands heartily with Mark. "You're a good kid." Shin said. "Nick gave you a second chance. He's special, I always knew it. And I feel deep down he needs me." He turned around and looked at the approaching bus as it came closer and closer to the bus stop.

"I have to go now." He said. "Take care of yourself, Mark Lee." And with that he hugged Mark a final time before the bus finally pulled to a stop. Walking on and paying the fare, he sat down at a window seat, happily waving goodbye to Mark, who enthusiastically waved and yelled out "Call me back when you find him! Take care!". As the bus became a speck on the horizon Mark sighed.

"Nice guy, for a Goth and a Demon." He said. "I hope he takes care, New York City's a **hell** of a town…"

Somewhere far away, someone was about to realize that firsthand. But the first thing she realized was that…

It was…_chilly_…

Very chilly. Sandi didn't open her eyes, she felt so tired, so very tired…but boy, the wind…it was very chilly, biting her almost with it's icy tone. It was whipping furiously around her…where was she? She was aware she was somewhere on a metallic floor of some kind…maybe…a roof? She tried to open her eyes, but it was an enormous effort just to get them half open. Finally she opened them and a single breath came out of her mouth as she slowly but surely realized where she was…

Overlooking a tremendously large city that was bustling and busy…on the top of a skyscraper…

And worst of all, she was trapped somehow…she'd been tied to the slightly slanted roof she was on by strangely pulsing ropes of some kind of energy. She tried to break free, but it was no use. "RRRGHH!" She grunted, trying to pull away. Then she stopped, thinking. If she DID pull away, she'd fall straight off! Oh dear, this wasn't good! She was so scared…where was she anyway?

"Are you afraid?" A voice asked. That voice she had heard in her dreams. It was sinister somehow, yet surprisingly gentle and soft, enticing her, making her want to hear more. "You want to know where you are, do you not, little one?"

"Who-who said that?" She asked, looking around. She couldn't look all the way around her, she was sure that something was creeping up behind her…

"Don't worry…relax my dear little one…relax…" It whispered. "I knew you would wake up…and I understand how afraid you are. I expect your friends will come for you as well, but they are expected…they are expected."

Sandi could barely form words, that voice…it was getting closer…a shadow loomed over her. She didn't dare look up…

"Wh-what d-d-do you wu-want with me?" She finally asked. "And huh-who are y-you?"

"Your strength will grant me freedom…" The voice said. "And as for who I am, I think you know who I am…cry if you want to…" It suggested in a kind manner. "Let it out, my dear little Sandi…just let it out…it would be better that way for you to give in to despair, you wouldn't suffer as much…"

Then she felt something…something smooth and…SHARP…a large claw against her neck, that positioned itself to her chin.

"As for who I am…you know the answer to that my dear little one…don't you?" It asked.

She looked up, eyes fearful.

"I…am your **nightmare**." The owner of the three demonic eyes said, and Sandi let out a scream that was swallowed almost instantly by the noise of the city that never slept.

**Author's Note:**

**And thus, things take a turn for the worse! I'm not going to do a sneak preview because I love this kind of dramatic multi-sided cliffhanger! Stay tuned!**


	32. New York City, Pt1

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

NEW YORK CITY, PT. 1

**Author's Note:**

**As you may have guessed by now, some major events have been leading up to this next part. Sandi is kidnapped, Hsi and Jade seem to finally be friends now, and Shendu and Julian are going to have to put aside their differences. Xiao has to give some terrible news to a patient, the angels are poised to make a move, and Nick still has to fully accept his role as Game Master. **

**But these next two chapters are not just simply about bringing points together. They are about…death. How it affects different people in different places, at different times in different ways. **

**This is going to be a pretty intense part, because it's not only going to have a lot of drama and action, but there's going to be some deep psychological damage dealt. **

**You've been warned. **

**Death's not pretty most of the time. And it's something people deal with in different ways. In the end it comes down, like it always does…to choice. **

**How will you deal with it when the moment comes?**

**Will you move on? Give up? Or something else?**

**Grab a seat. It's going to be a tough ride. **

In New York City, Shin Dell sat down at a bus stop where a dozen or so youths waited calmly for the next bus to come. Apparently they were on their way to a party at a, wouldn't you believe it, warehouse. Shin, knowing something about parties, immediately began striking up a conversation.

"So…have you been to many parties?"

"Oh, we all go out clubbing all the time." One said. "Oh, I'm Aria by the way. This is Mina, that's Cara, we call ourselves the "MAC" club. We met at a Mac truck ralley, like MacDonald's food, been friends since we were little." She giggled in a slightly ditzy fashion. "We are super-pysched about this party!"

A nerdy-looking boy was standing very closely to a older-looking jock-like kid. He pushed his glasses up and let loose a puft of air from his mouth, blowing a long, frizzled orange lock out of his gaze. The jock flipped out a mirror from his pocket and fiddled with his crew cut. He then held his hand out at Shin. "Oh, and I'm Jason. This is Josh. We're a couple."

"Which is so totally SWEET." Mina remarked. She was also wearing glasses, and upon examining her heart, Shin could see she was Korean/American. The other girl, Cara, was from Europe, an exchange student. He could tell that the two boys were a couple, they were secretly holding hands. He smiled.

"It's fine with me, I'm gay myself." He responded.

"Oh, really? Cool." Josh said. "Certainly nothing wrong with THAT." He remarked, motioning towards Shin's butt. In his defense, it was a very nice butt.

"Why, thank you. But you're not…er, what was the term again? Oh yes…my type."

Before he knew it though, he was striking up a conversation with EVERYONE, and pretty soon all of them were laughing it up like they'd been friends for life.

So it was a good thing that they spent those moments in happiness, because what happened next…

Was a very terrible thing indeed.

And speaking of buses, that brings us to the subject of Mr. Ernest Goldberg, who was not having a good day.

First, he'd forgotten to set his alarm clock.

Then he had burnt his breakfast, which reminded him that his ex-wife, God rest her, had NEVER, EVER burnt his breakfast once in the 35 years they'd been married and had 2 children together. Remembering that she'd died in a traffic collision had gotten him unbelievably depressed.

Which is why he missed his carpool ride to the museum, which got him thinking about how his own car had been totaled in the demon attack on San Fran, and how it, like 40 dozen other cars, were in dire need of repair.

This forced him to walk to the bus stop, and he as he passed by a young couple with THEIR children he thought about his own, and about how they never called him, never sent letters…

So as he was stewing over his lack of a wife, of caring children, of a good ride to his job and of a decent breakfast, he didn't notice as he was crossing the pedestrian walkway that an idiotic kid was driving far too fast towards him…

Or that he just happened to be right next to a bunch of kids who tried in vain to scream at him to jump or run away…

The last coherent thought that went through his mind before he heard the tires screeching was how he wished he could be back on his boat. He really liked his boat.

**TSO LAN**

I had gone out for a walk with my brother Dai. We were celebrating how well our little spell had gone off and had planned to go get a drink at the bar. All it would take was a little appearance spell to make ourselves look 24, young, handsome and single…

That's when it happened. It struck the man in the mid-section.

He went flying back…the sound of the car colliding was hard. He hit the ground harder still, and was twitching, groaning in immense pain. Blood was pooling freely.

I remember the blood coming out from his mouth in coughs, and…

And I think it was that, that…that coughing, that horrible hacking cough…

It made me rush over to him with that annoying African-American classmate of Nick's, the one who apparently sicced a demon on them, the one from before. The child and his friends who we had cast a spell onto earlier were free from it now, and were deathly pale. One of them vomited. The African-American child finally managed to speak, asking the man if he was "okay". Obviously he wasn't.

I gave him a look and told him to go be useful and get HELP. He pulled out his cell phone and began dialing while I carefully examined the wound.

Ribs cracked and broken.

Backbone almost shattered.

Legs and arms bent in wrong places, the side of his head had been injured as well, an ear was almost hanging off.

I quickly held one hand to the ear and chanted as fast as I could, re-attaching it. They all saw what I was doing, they got over it quickly, anything to help, after all.

We stayed with the man for a long time. It seemed ages before a vehicle of white and red appeared, a siren wailing horribly. They lifted him in, they drove off. We all stood up and looked at each other. In that instant, we had become something deeper than acquaintances.

I don't know why I cared about the man…

But I think it had to do with…with the cough…

**DREW**

Man, I don't know WHY I ran over to that dude. He was dead, man…dead the moment that the car hit him.

He looked kinda crumpled on the ground…it looked like someone with huge hands had picked him up like he was a piece of paper and just wadded him up and tossed him away. F—kin' crazy…

Me and my peeps were just hangin' out, we'd been ridin' dirty with Paul, he got hisself a car…we had been riding around town, havin' a great time. We caught sight of some lovelies with some EXTRA-FINE lovelies on their bodies, but they didn't wanna ride with us, so we ditched. We probably shoulda been at our houses, all of us had chores to do, but none of us wants to go there. We got enough at home…

Man, my Pops…he's…he's one crazy motherf—ker. I can't stand my Pops. Mama doesn't ever stand up to him, and she yells too loudly at me…and Dad cares way more about his pets than he does about me…

I don't know why I was thinking about my homelife while that guy was bleeding away and that kid from school looked at us and snapped at us, telling us to call 911 or somethin', I dunno. Maybe it was because I'd seen it happen before…

My uncle Roosevelt, he'd been hit by a car before, but it had slowed down enough, he lived. He'd been bedridden for a while, but he would be alright in time. I'd seen the pictures of what he'd looked like…

So maybe that's why I stayed with the guy and went to the hospital with him and the kid and my peeps, because…because of Uncle Rosie.

I dunno…

MEANWHILE…

"How is Mr. Valmont?" Nick asked King, who was pacing outside of Valmont's room. He and the others had arrived too late…too late.

"He's…he's very, very upset, and…and his wife is…they are gone at the moment. His wife in particular is-oh, it doesn't matter, there are events in motion that are catastrophic, we have to put a stop to them."

DING-DONG! The doorbell rang. Nick walked down the stairway and opened up the door. "Jade!" He exclaimed, eyebrows flying up. "What are you doing-?"

"We've all agreed to meet at Section 13." Jade said. "King, you'll meet us there, right?"

"Right." King said. He raised his clawed hands and uttered a single word: "WARP!" A moment later, he vanished in a beam of blue/white light up through the ceiling. Jade went "ooh" and Nick gaped.

"Wow. No matter how many times I see it, magic is still the shiznit to me." Nick said.

"And that super-fine next to you is the shiznit as well!" A familiar voice said. Oh God, not that bunny Fluffernutters! It was sitting right next to Nick's legs.

"Ohh, how cute! A bunny!" Jade remarked.

"Hey, I told you to keep those comments to yourself!" Nick said.

Jade blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"_**Oooooo**_!" Fluffernutters crooned, looking up at Jade. "Have I got a carrot for **you**!"

Nick picked Fluffernutters up promptly punted him through the open doorway. He went screaming "_WOOOOO_" through the air before landing in a nearby bush, bruised but otherwise unharmed.

"Nick, why did you punt that rabbit?" Jade asked.

Nick looked very stressed as he pointed at Fluffernutters, who ambled slowly out of the bushes, looking drunk. "That guy has been pushing me and _pushing_ me and I was SICK of it!"

Jade raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "Riiight. You SURE you're not taking any drugs?"

THIRTY MINUTES AND A VERY VEHEMENT DENIAL OF DRUG USE LATER…

"Now, as you probably already know all about Section 13…"

"Well, I know a LITTLE about it."

"Just make sure not to freak out when I show you all what I'm about to show you."

Jade and Nick approached a brick wall with an old-fashioned red phonebooth. Jade opened it up and Nick walked inside.

"All right…now hold onto something." Jade said to him.

A few moments later the wall suddenly opened up just enough, showing a secret passageway though which the phonebooth zoomed through. It rushed past brick, then a wall of steel, then titanium, then…

Open space. They were deposited at the end of the passageway. Nick stepped out with Jade and up to a large door.

"Section 13 renovated a little." Jade told him. "So don't go all geeky on me when you see this stuff, okay?"

She opened the door, and Nick gaped at the sight. **"_By the power of Grey Skull_!"**

The walls were gleaming silver, the floors spick and span, every ceiling and floor tile polished so neatly and cleanly you could see yourself eating off of them. There were large floodlights lighting up the place, huge machines that whizzed and wurred, purring like kittens. Hundreds of important and flashy computers all lined up to the left, huge generators were to the right, and there were large display screens located on the edge of each of the many hallways that ran here and there, centering at the main hall Nick and Jade were currently in. They all read the same basic thing: big trouble in the Big City.

Jade led Nick over to the left and to a nearby doorway. She opened it up and a man in a backwards baseball cap with a white labcoat, a mullet and a goatee looked up from his work. He removed the goggles he was wearing and smiled. "Jade, great to see you! I just finished developing the weapons that you're going to be using for the rescue mission…"

"Nice to see you too, Kepler." Jade said, smiling. "This is Nick Grey."

Kepler saw Nick and his eyes went wide. "Oh, wow. YOU'RE the kid who…hey, can you show me your super-strength? How about lifting that box over there? Careful though, it's got my new inventions in it, like my invisibility ray, my hologram projector, my new and improved jet pack…"

"Cool…wait, how does one improve a jet pack?"

"Comes in four designer colors, pop-up blocker and shielding."

"Sa-weeeet! Okay, I'll lift it up." Nick walked over to the metallic box filled up with inventions and leaned down, lifting it up with one hand. It felt very, very light.

"WOAH…" Kepler gaped. "That thing weighs about 2 tons! You're amazing, I'll have to get a chance to study your genetic structure someday…"

"NO."

"Aw, come onnnn!!!" Kepler begged, tugging on Nick's arm.

Nick batted him away. "No means no, techno-geek!"

"But I need something to trigger my **CR34T1V3 P0W3RZ**!" Kepler complained.

"Your WHAT?!?"

"Can we get back to the reason why we're here?" Jade said quickly. "Sandi's kidnapped, remember? We need to get to New York City and fast!"

"Right, right, let me take you to the debriefing room." Kepler said, leading them out the door and down to a huge pair of sliding doors at the far end of the left hallway. There was a huge circular table with a huge "S13" insignia on the top of the table…and several bowls of candy. Especially tootsie rolls.

Jackie was sitting closest to them on the left side of the table, with King sitting on the right side, just a few feet from him. Also on the left side, besides Jackie, were Uncle, Tohru, Hao, Viper, El Toro and Paco. On the right side was Valmont, Finn, Chow, Ratso, Hak Foo and, of all people, Shendu, Po Kong and Hsi Wu.

"What the?" Jade exclaimed. "What are you two doing here?!?" She demanded to know. Shendu, Po and Hsi weren't even in human form, they were in their mini-demon forms. Shendu crossed his arms and tossed Jade a look that could kill. "I am HERE because I care about Sandi. She's the most wonderful person in the world…and I want to help her."

"I'm here because Tohru's here." Po Kong blurted out.

Everyone looked at her. Tohru smiled.

"Huh-what!?" Jade exclaimed.

"There are certain experiences in life that bond people together. Being in an ambulance ride together as you're sent to get your stomach pumped is one of them." Po explained.

"Strange things have happened." Nick remarked. "Hsi, what about you?"

"I heard that you two were going out to New York City and I couldn't very well just let you go alone!" Hsi protested. "Whether it's right or wrong, you both matter to me. I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

"Thanks, Hsi." Nick said. "It means a lot that you care about me and Jade like that."

Jade suddenly looked from Hsi to Nick and a crazy idea that she couldn't stop popped forth from her lips. "Hold on…Nick, are you two…gay?"

**SFX: Brief dramatic music blast**

"Well, actually, in answer to that, I'll tell you what I told Hsi in Egypt. There was something he had to know about me and Xiao…"

**SFX: Brief dramatic music blast**

"What was that?" Jade asked. Suddenly **everyone** leaned in to listen intently (except for Hsi, of course).

**SFX: Dramatic, suspensful music…**

Nick took in a deep breath.

Everyone leaned in MORE.

The air was quiet, you could hear a pin drop. And then…

"Friends and _nothing_ more."

"Right." Hsi said.

**SFX: Brief "Pop Goes the Weasel" bit**

"PHEW." Jade said. "That's a bit of a relief!"

Suddenly the door opened. Who should come out into the room behind Jade and Nick but…

"DRAGO!?! What are you doing here!?!" Jade snarled.

Drago raised his hands. "Hold up, babe. I'm not here to fight. My posse and I had a little talk and we decided to try being good guys for a little while. Plus, every Thursday is Donut Day here at Section 13, and I love donuts…"

Shendu banged his head against the table while everyone welcomed Drago to the team. "Kill me now. If any of you love me, kill me now!" The Fire Demon wailed.

Drago rubbed his chin. "You know, I should probably take my human form. A new start and all that…" He snapped his fingers.

WOOOOSH! A transformation came over him. Everyone gaped.

**BGM: Sexy music from the diving board scene in "Drawn Together" episode "The Other Cousin"**

"Gaaaaauuuuuuuuhhhhh…" Bai gasped.

"WOAH." Nick exclaimed.

"Oh my God, he's so HOT!" Jade realized.

"I think he's turned me gay." Kepler exclaimed.

"Yeah that's his human form, believe it. Drago used to be a real looker!" Hao insisted.

"I still am." Drago said. He had beautiful blond hair, long and bouncy. He had a perfectly sculpted face, a VERY fine chin, and shining violent eyes. He grinned, showing amazing pearly whites.

Captain Black, who was at the head of the table, had his back turned to a large display that was showing a map of the city of New York. "Ah-hem. Now then…can we get started? Everyone who's not sitting, please be seated."

Jade, Kepler, Drago and Nick sat down in different open seats. Captain Black cleared his throat, then held up a pointer-stick. He tapped the display. "New York City. The Big Apple. As you may or may not know, Section 13 has been keeping close tights with Special Unit 2 and other organizations."

"Right, right." Jackie said. "I remember."

"Now, yesterday, at precisely 4:54 PM, Sandi Valmont was kidnapped."

Valmont took in a deep breath. He looked very, very, VERY pale, and was sweating heavily. The Enforcers closest to him patted him on the back while Finn said "It'll be okay Big V" over and over. Shendu was nervously scratching his arm with his claws and his talons kept pawing the floor. Nick immediately felt a surge of pity rise in him…they were hurting badly.

"Then, at precisely 7:06 AM today…"

"Which would be 666 AM down in Hell…" King said out loud.

"New York City was hit by a sudden quake…" Captain Black tapped the display and a new image was shown of a huge rift opening up, revealing a red/black glow coming out from the rift.

"And then…five minutes later…" He tapped the display again, his face grim. It showed…

"Hundreds of these…THINGS…came out. Demons, devils, horrors of the night…the city has been under attack for three hours. Special Unit 2 did an excellent job on evacuating people into the safety of their HQ and secret warehouses, but they can't stay there forever. Eventually what protection that their scientific prowess provides will be ripped down…"

"And although NYC is a very magical city, anyone with magical talent was immediately separated away in the immense struggle that occurred." King finished. "It's like I have said…one magical being attracts another, and in this case all of them are currently captured…"

"Along with my DAUGHTER!" Valmont shouted, standing up. "GET TO THE POINT! What is happening to my dear Sandi?!?"

"Big V, calm down!" Finn said. "Yeah, we're gonna save her." Ratso agreed. "She'll be okay." Chow told Valmont. "Captured Lamb is really Lion." Hak Foo added.

Unfortunately that didn't work.Valmont ran up to Captain Black and began to shake him. "WHERE-IS-MY-DAUGHTER!?!"

Before Nick could leap up, Shendu raced out his chair and grabbed Valmont, pulling him back. "Let me go!" Valmont screamed. "My wife is in the hospital with a heart attack because of this, and I have to get Sandi back! I have to-"

"Screaming and yelling won't save her." Shendu said quickly.

Valmont stopped struggling and became limp, dejected. "But…she's…she's my everything, she…"

"She's mine too, whether you'll admit it or not. I want to save her as well. But we have to be calm. Baldy, finish up the little talk." Shendu said, placing Valmont back in his seat before going to his own.

Ignoring the "baldy" comment, Captain Black began speaking once more. "Now, an enormous barrier has been placed up around NYC. Nobody's ever seen anything like it. According to Mr. Ryu here…" Hao nodded. "We currently have hundreds of superheroes who are trying to break into New York City, and King has informed me there are dozens of sorcerers and magicians of great magical prowess that are trying to break through the barrier…but nobody is having any luck. It's an extremely specific barrier that we believe only responds to those from the Hell…in short, we need an inside man in order to bust this thing down…"

"Someone of considerable power, and not just a lackey." King explained. "It has to be at least someone who commands ten hordes, perhaps a Duke or a Lord or a Prince or something. It can't be a common devil or demon. They won't have the sheer demonic aura power to do it."

"Speaking of aura, we need to touch base on…Nick." Captain Black tapped the screen. A picture of Nick posing in front of the local school's statue and imitating its stern face was shown. Nick blushed. "Hey, the camera adds ten pounds." Jade told him comfortingly. "It's not the poundage." Nick groaned. "It's the fact that that picture shows me with my shirt inside out!"

"Beats the photo SOME JOKER took of me with only a sombrero on." Captain Black muttered under his breath. Unfortunately for him, Shendu had heard it, and he made a mental note to get a copy of the picture later on.

"Anyhow, Nick seems to be able to use his aura in a fashion that…" Captain Black touched the display screen again, showing Nick singing in the streets. It had been taken from a helicopter that had been passing by in luck, and the color pink was glowing most predominantly in the shot. "Strikes out at physical objects and somehow, if what Shendu told me is true, can increase the natural abilities of certain individuals. Nick had Sandi on his mind when he sang, and so therefore…"

"She was outrunning me and managing to tug on me so hard my arm almost came off." Shendu finished.

"And I saw…saw sparks coming off of him while he was creaming us at DDR!" Jade realized out loud.

Captain Black nodded. "Nick, your aura powers seem only to manifest when you're not in that martial arts costume, but we'll investigate that later. As for HOW it happened…I believe that music is a catalyst. At least, that's what Uncle said."

Uncle stood up and adjusted his glasses. "When a person is listening or singing to music, their souls can become bared for all to see, and an aura is the brilliance that shines forth from the soul. Music stokes emotions, passions in a human body, and this is natural. Since all people possess some magical ability, they feel most magical during a song, like, say, on a slow-dance prom date, or perhaps when hearing a beautiful classic song from Beethoven."

Uncle took in another breath. "…and therefore, since Nick can control and manipulate his aura through song, and since that watch of his is able to sense and stimulate this power, we believe that he may be perfect for a plan that we have concocted. But before we talk more about his powers and how we can use them to rescue Sandi, we must discuss a major problem we are facing…how to sneak into the barrier…"

**XIAO FUNG**

I paced the floor in Mr. Tasey's room. "What am I going to do, what the hell am I going to do, Mr. Tasey?" I swore furiously…but I couldn't keep the raw fear out of my voice.

"Calm down, Corey. It's not that bad." Mr. Tasey said. "You just have to summon your courage."

"Cou-courage, yeah, I…I'm not…not-not so good with courage…" I stuttered. "I kinda…like-like to…play it safe…"

Bai Tsa walked by, mumbling something to herself in the hallway. Xiao ignored her when she called out to him. Walking off in a huff, Bai Tsa turned on her heels.

"You should have talked to her." Mr. Tasey said. "She looked like she had something to say to you…"

"I don't feel like talking to that whore anyhow." I muttered. "Yeah, I may be a man-slut like my dad, but at least none of my relationships are ever lasting! She always plays around, likes to trick people into thinking that she's willing to stay, I've never ONCE done that!"

Mr. Tasey was quiet. He said nothing.

"Honestly! She should have just killed herself after that Coast Guard member Hwang died, he was the only person she probably ever truly loved, he even painted her pictures and wrote love songs for her! And what does she do to honor his memory? Sleeps with everyone in town, that-"

"Are you mad at her…or yourself?"

I suddenly turned to Mr. Tasey. My mouth was open slightly in confusion. "Why would I be mad at myself?"

Mr. Tasey cleared his throat and stood up in his bed. "Corey…you're mad because you're doing the same thing that your awful father did…I can tell. But there's another reason you're mad. You're mad because you can't save this patient. After all the hard work you've done helping other patients, you can't save this one patient, and you want to take your frustration out on someone else."

I kicked the ground. What cheek! What nerve! "The hell I am, I…I…"

And there it was. The truth hit me in the face. Mr. Tasey was right. I **was** angry at myself. I sat down in a nearby chair and buried my face in my hands, taking deep breaths and listening to the "beep-beep" of the machines and the sound of a flatline. All the other hustle and bustle of the hospital faded away into silence…

**DAI GUI**

Tso and I were sitting together in human form, waiting as calmly as we could for the doctors to tell us how the human that had been mangled by that car would be. The room smelled too much like floor cleaner, it had an unnatural odor.

There were flowers there. Dai Gui doe not like flowers.

I was halfway through plucking their petals off when I realized they were fake.

Dai Gui does not like fake flowers either. I plucked the petals off and tossed them over my shoulder. Tso tossed me a look, but then went back to looking at the magazine he was reading. He was open to an article on some slutty-looking woman named "Paris Hilton".

"This woman…why on EARTH is she worth 9 pages in this magazine?" Tso finally asked out loud.

That African-American boy we'd placed that musical curse on suddenly spoke up, seeing Tso's confusion. "Well, she's rich as hell."

"…so?"

"She's also famous." said a Mexican boy.

"…so?"

"And she's real hot." said an Indian boy.

"…so what does she actually DO?" I finally asked for my brother's sake.

"Oh, she's a 'ho." An Oriental boy said.

Well that certainly didn't explain things for ME, but it must have in their eyes been enough explanation because they stopped speaking and went back to nervously looking around the room or staring at the floor or ceiling.

Dai Gui thinks he does not like Paris Hilton either.

I was thinking about other things I didn't like when I decided I didn't like waiting in here. I headed out of the waiting room to the hallway, and that's when I heard a squeak…

I looked down and saw a mouse running past my legs and right out the front door that somebody had just opened. Ooh, mouse! I went after it, heading outside.

And then I saw it…

It was a red-tailed hawk.

It had lush feathers that ruffled slightly in the wind. It had deep, brown/black eyes that gazed deep into yours, following you wherever you went. It's talons were smooth and shining lightly, and it's wings were large and proud.

It was beautiful.

It was majestic.

It was dead…and the mouse was nibbling at its corpse. It had been downed by hitting a nearby flagpole, and blood dripped down from the pole onto the corpse below.

MEANWHILE, IN NEW YORK…

Sandi struggled uselessly. She was still tied quite tightly to the Empire State Building roof, and very cold, tired…and above all, AFRAID.

Whatever this…thing was…it had captured her. And it was frightening. It now stood calmly, squatting down slightly so as to look down closely at her. It's breath smelled like brimstone and when it blinked, it blinked one eye…then another…then another. Never all at once. And when it DID blink, the eyelids converged in a vertical way, not horizontal.

"Are you just gonna stare at me?" Sandi managed to say. Funny how she felt annoyed at a time like this.

"Frankly, yes." The thing replied.

"How come?"

"It's making you feel frightened, isn't it?" It said, snickering slightly.

"…like, _touché_, Mr. Freaky." Sandi muttered, trying to tug her left hand free of whatever it was that was holding her to the roof again. No luck.

"You really have got to stop trying to break free." The being said, tapping on the roof lazily with a large, long claw. It had a thick, white, shelled body, and was hunched over, it's crab-like legs holding him up. His arms were large, armored, and he had a long, segmented tail that was also armored with white on the top, with purple, scaly "skin" of sorts underneath it. The tail had spiked ridges, and it twitched nervously, like a cat's tail. His torso appeared to be separated by the some kind of lump of slowly-pulsing flesh that rose up from the bottom half of his body. Sharpened fins jutted out from the sides of the being's head and back, the head itself was attached to a neck that reminded Sandi of a snake's. Her kidnapper raised his large appendages, showing off those five large claws jutting forth from where fingers should be on his "hand". They had pale green tips…interestingly enough, they reminded her of her favorite ice cream flavor: Mint Chocolate chip.

She probably would have been able to calm down for a few moments by thinking of ice cream, but then her kidnapper spoke again, drawing attention to the claws he held up. "Look sharp, don't they?" He asked. "In case you're wondering, they can be poisonous. Are you afraid of me scratching you?"

Sandi nodded mutely. She suddenly wanted to scream. Very, VERY loudly.

"Just let it out, make it easier on yourself." The thing reiterated. "It would be much better if you just cried."

"I don't listen to freaky demons like YOU." Sandi finally snapped.

"Aren't you in love with one?" The being asked in a polite, conversational tone.

Sandi shut up instantly. She had to admit…Shendu was a really, really sweet person to her. And he was so strong, handsome…and he loved her…

"He's probably going to come rescue you, of that there is little doubt." Her kidnapper went on in a "matter-of-fact" tone. "He'll die, you know…you'll probably have to watch, that will make you weep…"

"You-you-you…" Sandi began stuttering. She couldn't complete a sentence. "I'm g-gonna, gonna-I'm gonna…"

"Going to what? Break free? Hit me on the nose or something?" He tapped the middle of his frightening, scaly white face. "Haven't got one." He said, showing off those razor-sharp teeth again, all his eyes blinking. "And incidentally, I'm a Grand Devil, not a demon of any kind. Power-wise, I'm one step below a Grand Lord. They're on a level beyond demons or devils. You want a devil, go find that fool Vassago, he's going to probably end up killing your friend Nick, I believe he said it was "a promise he intended to keep". Too bad, I would have liked a shot at him…"

"My…my friends'll stop you." Sandi squeaked. She was losing what little courage she had left. "They're…they're strong and stuff…"

Suddenly her cell phone rang. It was, of all numbers, "Bye-Bye-Bye" by the Backstreet Boys! She found herself nodding her head back and forth to it instantly, it was just so catchy! Then a claw swung down and embedded in the roof, stopping her grooving. The demon then reached down to her pants pocket and removed the phone, opening it up.

"Hellooooo?" He responded.

"Who is this? What have you done to my Sandi!?!" Valmont demanded.

"Why ask a question to which you will fear the answer to?" Her kidnapper asked softly, turning it off. He tossed it away and looked back at Sandi, who tried to speak.

"My daddy will…will find you and…and he'll…"

The devil shook its head slowly. "Those you care for are strong indeed…but _you_ are not. You _could_ be…but that potential will be used for MY purpose. You see, I just need you to see them suffering, I just need you to bleed your power out through your sorrow…and then I will open up all of the passageways to Hell that are located here in this city, and we'll be moving across the Earth in no time flat, just as my master and HIS master wishes. And then…" He leaned in very close, whispering into her ear.

"I need you to die."

"I HAVE TO WHAT!?!"

Nick looked at King as the two of them stood inside of a huge simulation chamber in Section 13. The holographic simulation chamber was perfect for battle sims, miniature vacations and…well…unmentionables, in the case of certain people. Currently, King and Nick were in the middle of a deserted highway road, as the sun beamed down hard and a "wind" blew.

"I told you, we have to help you master your aura in the next half an hour. Then we leave for NYC. Now this potion…" King tossed Nick a potion that was swirling with many colors and letting out a "laaaaaa" noise in a strange fashion when he uncorked it. "That's a wisdom potion. If you apply your own aura to it, then drink it, it will grant you the knowledge on how to correctly manipulate your aura more fluidly."

Nick looked at it, then sighed. "Okay…let's get this started then. Hope it works." He held up his other hand and began singing softly. "I'm so cool, too bad I'm a looooseeerrrr…I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured oouuut…"

Sure enough, as he concentrated, that rainbow swirl of colors began flashing loose from his body, going up his arm and out through his hand, dazzlingly shooting out little sparks into the air. Nick dipped his fingers in the potion and the aura seeped in.

"Now drink up. It'll taste very funny, so…"

Remembering how he had once been forced to drink prune juice for certain "ailments", Nick plugged his nose and quickly drank some down.

Fifteen seconds later.

"_**BLEAAAAUUURRRRGGHHH**_!" He shouted, spitting and scraping his tongue with his fingernails. "It tastes like ground-up lampshade mixed with tomato juice!" He spat.

Then…

"Whoa." He said suddenly. "Just…_whoa_…" Suddenly, he knew, he **knew**, he **KNEW** how to pull this off, he KNEW how to manipulate his aura. He held his hands up and began humming.

"Hmm…hmm…ohh, ohh…" Then he held them up. "Hey doll baby!" WOOSH! The aura shot up from his hand, and began to twirl around him in a vortex, swishing around and around as if a gigantic snake was trying to wrap around him. "Make up your mind for love's sake, I ain't got no time for mistakes! Gonna roll up the rug, and nail up the door, ain't gonna leave you never no moorrreeee, hey doll baby, listen to meeee!"

King gaped. "Amazing, the…the pearl of your heart, so…so clear…and the river of your soul, it shines so beautifully…"

Nick then twirled around, and the aura began whirling around with him, growing larger and larger. Suddenly he stopped and thrust his hands forward, and the aura shot out in a helix burst…sending King flying into the walls of the simulation chamber. The hologram vanished, showing a stainless steel floor and crystalline walls. King groaned in pain and stood up, brushing himself off.

"That…hurt…a lot…" He said. "And yet for some reason I now feel like singing Everley Brothers…"

Nick blinked a few times, amazed at the sheer power he'd just demonstrated. "I can't believe I just did that…it just was natural!"

"Now take this." King said, tossing Nick his grandpa's stick. Nick held it in his hands, and began to twirl it rapidly. Suddenly bursts of energy flew from it like in a wild fashion, in a manner similar to what happens when someone throws a not-yet-made pizza into a ceiling fan. King ducked as one bolt struck the area just where his head had been.

"It seems you can focus your aura's might through objects…we should practice more…"

"Well you're gonna have to practice on the fly!" Jade said, rushing into the room. "Shendu and Valmont are starting to lose it. We have to go, and NOW!"

**BAI TSA**

I walked around the harbor, thinking.

I was thinking about him.

About Hwang.

Hwang was…Hwang was special. Black/brown hair that rose up high, flowing slightly in the breeze like seaweed. His eyes were a beautiful mix of blue and green, reminding me of the clear surface of the pond, and his muscles were so well-sculpted, his hands so soft, it was as if every day he lay in the ocean and let his body be smoothed by its waves.

I had felt it so many times…his hands on mine. His lips on mine. We laughed together, ran on the side of the beach together…swam together. And at the end of the day…we'd always be at our favorite dock, looking at the sunset.

One day, Hwang showed me his little secret: he was a painter in his spare time. He loved to paint pictures of the sea. He'd drawn in dolphins in flocks, whales in mid-jump, seagulls diving for fish…the images would stay in his brain, he had a…what's the term?

Oh right…photographic memory. He was amazing, my Hwang…

And I loved to create art too. I sculpted vases and little statues of him and us, and I painted a few lovely "Under-the-sea" pictures. He never had any idea I knew just what Atlantis looked like. He used to say "Your pictures…they're so beautiful, it's as if you had reached out and touched these things with your own hands". That made me smile.

But then…then it happened.

A sorcerer attacked several cities by the sea where the Coast Guard were stationed. My Hwang was a top officer, he HAD to help. But the sorcerer had magics on his side…it didn't look good.

Luckily that was where I came in. Secretly I would summon my own magic spells to wreck the sorcerer's ships one by one. Malestroms, great whirlpools, sea creatures, all mine to command. We were winning. Soon Hwang would be home for good! He'd even cornered the sorcerer on his own private boat!

…

…but…

…but Hwang slipped on the deck from…from the water, and…the sorcerer struck. My Hwang…he…

I took my revenge. The entire boat capsized and the sorcerer was torn to pieces by sharks whilst I retrieved my Hwang's body to…to deposit him on the beach…as my salty tears mingled with the salty ocean water over his body.

At least they…they buried him by the sea…

Then I found it. His last work. I had been visiting his house once…most of his paintings were gone, but…but one was left specifically for me, untaken, hidden in a secret compartment in his room. It was…it was of us, watching the sunset.

And ever since then, I have never ever had a lasting relationship. Never forgotten Hwang. Never let the painting get wet.

Never allowed myself to feel true love.

That all died with Hwang.

And I was thinking about that…

When suddenly I saw something…

A large, large wave…

Coming towards the dock. Coming towards me…

Coming towards the secret cave I kept the picture my Hwang made for me in.

MEANWHILE…

"So, is New York City always like this?" Shin had found himself asking the others as he saw all of those…those THINGS emerging from the ground. In New York City, the answer was "not usually", whereas in someplace like, say, Simsbury, the answer was "never ever ever".

Needless to say, fear erupted all around him. Pure, unbridled terror oozed out from the denizens of the city, flooding his senses. He realized it, he HAD to get them outta there! He turned, grabbing the nearest one's hand. "Josh, come on, we've got to-"

Too late…

Too late…

Not quick enough.

Before he knew it, he was being tugged under a huge mass of horned devils as he heard screams and cries of pain all around him. He still clung to Josh's hand tightly, not letting go once inch, but…

Finally he was seized and tossed into a building where other magically-talented people were being kept. People looking at him shrieked in horror…he was holding onto a ripped-off arm.

Shin dropped what was left of Josh and looked down at his hands, finally bringing them up to his face as his knees hit the floor. His head sank down to touch the floor as well, and his immense sorrow mixed in smoothly with the combined despair of the people in the room he was now trapped inside of.

Where was help when you needed it?

"Stick to the plan." Nick remembered as the helicopter touched down just outside of the barrier. "Stick to the plan." That was what they had told him as they'd handed him two of Kepler's new inventions. The invention was a smooth, grey gun with a big enough sub-grip, and a muzzle of blue. Its design was almost exactly like the "Guncon", save for the blue muzzle and the lack of a cord. There were some buttons on the side of the sub-grip…one was for power, another for a laser light, and the final one was for "mode switch", according to Kepler.

These two guns could, in theory, take the "life energy", or essentially aura of a person and focus it into a projectile. Since Nick had more than enough to spare…in theory, he would be able to master it.

In theory.

He jumped out and nodded silently to the others, quickly moving through the woods to where the dark, swirling, blood/red barrier was blocking him from going in from the road. It was dome-like in form, and blocking anyone from going inside the city of NYC…and it had to go.

Nick crept up to it and tapped on it. OUCH! It stung. He muttered "Frack it" under his breath and then looked on through…

The plan's first part was essentially this: Nick Grey was in fact, a kid who had the power of an immense aura. Therefore, he was going to be…well, the "bait" for the evil, psychotic demons and devils inside. He was "Shaggy and Scooby" all in one. Lucky him. However, he remained calm and paced outside, singing "I'm a Lumberjack" by Monty Python as he waited and waited…

And he didn't have to wait long. Who should show up at the front gate but what looked unmistakably like a very tough, very strong-looking dragon-like demon. He had mostly purple/blue scales and a yellow underbelly, and his wings were closely hanging onto his muscles. He walked on all four legs, and had large talons that were shining ebony. His eyes were deep and black, and intelligence of an fierce sort gazed out from them. His horns were slightly curved down and back, and were pinkish red in color. His biggest feature was a scooping, almost lantern-like jaw.

"Well what do we have HERE?" He asked.

Okay, scratch that…his voice was the biggest feature. It was booming, and deep, and **very** important-sounding.

"I would be the Game Master." Nick said. "The Chosen, Captain N, Nick Grey. I'm uh, here to rescue Sandi Valmont and save all of NYC…if you don't mind?"

The dragon tilted its head. "Oh really? REALLY? You're the Game Master?" The dragon grinned. "Well that's amazing, really. You and that girl Sandi are the talk of the town. She's going to release every single ready dark-aligned being from Hell with her sacrifice, and you are the ONLY human who has ever turned down being a Game Master before! Also the only one who's never killed anyone."

Nick looked confused. "Wait, no, I…I have…" He looked at the ground. "I did kill some…some bad guys…back in Joe's world."

"They came right back to life." The dragon laughed. "To put it in a way you'd understand…their deaths didn't matter because they had lives to spare. Now that girl's life…she has but one to live, if you were to aid us in killing her you WOULD no longer be innocent, you WOULD be a murderer. You're not that far gone though…" He sighed. "But I digress. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Worthless One, Commander of 80 Legions, Prince of the Northern Region and King of Lies, Sloth, Pride and Guilt. I am…Belial."

He grinned. "And I…am going to help you sneak inside, child."

Nick blinked. "Wait, you're Belial, and-and you're going to…w-why?!"

"I have no master I answer to." The Worthless One responded. "I am a, how you say, an "independent operative". Therefore, I've no interest in what the Grand Lord is up to. Nobody bothers to listen to me down in Hell anyway, they don't pay attention to me, so why should I care what he wants? Besides…I have a soft spot for kids."

He touched his snout to the barrier, muttering something under his breath. It lowered into the ground, vanishing in a matter of seconds. "Now uh, you might want to hurry and find that Grand Devil that's controlling all of the dark beings here. If he's beaten, they'll automatically be sucked back in through the portal he created to draw them out." Belial grinned again and began walking…okay, more like stomping away, since his taloned feet were so big.

"Wait!" Nick called out. Belial stopped, turning around to face Nick once more, looking intrigued.

"…thanks. I know that you guys are all going to be judged eventually, so…so I'll try and put in a good word for you with-"

"The Heavenly Host? Child, do not bother." Belial said, turning around and shaking his head. "I do not want forgiveness or salvation. I know the Heavenly Host will win. I'm used to living down in Hell, and firmly believe my fellow "countrymen" should get used to it as well." He chuckled. "It may seem odd to some that I look for the best in the worst possible of places…but I think…" He raised his head, tilting it slightly as he spoke. "You understand what it is I am speaking of…don't you?"

With that, he ambled off again, disappearing into an alley. Nick rubbed the back of his head. Somehow, in some way, he had lucked out. Still, he couldn't get too cocky. He still had his part to play. He walked past where the barrier had been and followed the road down a few blocks…okay, more than a few blocks, about 7 of them. A few papers blew in the air as the wind whipped around. There was an unmistakable chill, and most of all…it was quiet. Now Captain Black had said that people had been rounded up and separated, either by Special Unit 2 or by the Forces of Hell…but where WAS everyone?

Finally he could take no more.

"_**WELL!?!"**_ He shouted up to the sky. It echoed through the city.

"Why do you want to kill me?" Sandi asked, looking terrified. The devil leaned in, smiling at her in a frightening fashion. "It is the only way." He said quietly. "But first, I'll need you to give in to your sorrow and cry…just let it all out, and it'll all be over very-"

"_**WELL?!?" **_

The devil looked up. Sandi perked up. That voice…that yell…

"Nick?" She asked, hope rising in her chest.

The demon walked over to the edge, legs lifting up high as he walked, going "ka-clack, ka-clack". He peered down…then grinned wildly.

"And now it gets _interesting_." He said, taking notice of the many forms that were already crawling out from sewer grates and windows, emerging from doorways and alleys…

It was **on**.

Nick looked around him. Horns, hooves, scales, tails, fins, fangs…the works! Devils, demons, evil spirits, crazy djinn and wild phantoms all ready to tear him apart were making their way right towards the center of the road where he was, ready to tear apart a teenage boy in a "This is what cool looks like" t-shirt as he fingered his mood necklace for good luck.

Finally he spoke.

"Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about." He said as he gazed around. Hundreds upon hundreds of assorted evil creatures were all anxious to rip him into several million pieces, and all of them were moments away from FULFILLING that idea.

But it looked like only one individual in particular was going to defeat Nick first…a familiar, red-headed, jacketed demon with eyes that stared through your very soul.

"Hey." He said calmly, lifting up a very heavy sword which would take most men not only two hands to lift, but also HUGE pectorals.

"Mornin', smiley person." Nick responded, beaming cheerily. "Lemme guess…you came here to, uh, "smite me" or something like that?"

Vassago nodded. "Unfortunately for you, yes, that is _exactly_ the case." He shrugged. "You know I'm just doin' my job, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." Nick mumbled, smile fading.

"I'm serious." Vassago insisted, looking at the ground for a brief moment before lifting his head again. "It's really not personal."

"Trying to kill me's not personal? Especially considering we know each other and we're on a first name basis and stuff?"

"……you're not making this easy for me, are you?" Vassago groaned.

Nick laughed. "Ha-ha-ha! Now what kind of hero would I be if I did THAT?"

"Well then…" Vassago lifted the sword off of his shoulders and swung it down. It hit the street with a "CHA-THUNK" sound. "I suppose we'd best get started!"

"Yep. Good thing that potion I took is still in effect!" Nick said. With that, he looked up at the sky. Raising his hand high, Nick held his right gun up to the heavens above as his watch blared. He knew just what he had to do.

"Everyone's watching! Let's do this!" He shouted, twirling the guns in front of him as his body moved into a flowing rhythm and he continued to twirl the guns.

**BGM: Reload, by Rob Zombie**

People who had been trapped in the buildings peered out from windows and doorways. A large crowd had gathered around Nick and Vassago…this was going to be a large showdown.

"Where's Sandi?" Nick demanded suddenly. "You'd better not have hurt her!"

Vassago motioned with his head towards the Empire State Building. "At the very top. We've got a Grand Devil guarding her…he's even more powerful than I. Now then…let's do this." Vassago said. He raised his sword into the air and rushed forward, just as Nick leapt into the air.

_RELOAD!_

Nick fired off a shot from his gun, and it whizzed through the air, striking at the spot just in front of Vassago, who leapt back instinctively. Nick landed back on the ground and began running in a circle, firing at Vassago with the gun as his aura was channeled through it, firing off multi-colored bullets that struck Vassago's sword as he batted them away.

_Yeah!  
Time to diiiiiiie…  
Time to die!  
Time to diiiiiiie…  
Time to die!  
_

Nick jumped up suddenly, firing off a large shot aimed right for Vassago's head. The demon blocked it, then ran forward at Nick, who quickly stuffed the guns in his pockets and thrust his hands forward

_  
__Silhouetting, complicating,  
Whom to dare – I do not care!  
What is form and exploration,  
Everything is everywhere!_

Suddenly his aura whizzed up around him and flowed in front of him, becoming a small circular shield of sorts that blocked the strike.

_Increase time and spin around it,  
Ready for another day!_

Vassago kept slashing, Nick kept blocking. Someone would have to give…someone…

_  
__Power up and memorize it,  
Snap the mag and blow away!_

Nick suddenly jumped back, pulling out his guns and firing as he flew backwards, the bullets flying through the air. It was as if everything was in slow motion, one nicked Vassago's cheek as he ran forward, sword held behind him, ready to slice.

_Pin Eyed God,  
Get away!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Here to stay, yeah!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Break on you!  
Pin Eyed god,  
Coming free, yeah!_

Nick landed on his back. Vassago swung the sword at him and he rolled to the side over and over.

_Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!  
Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!  
_

Nick raised the guns and fired off a barrage at Vassago, forcing him back. Nick began slowly moving towards him, firing and firing, his fingers becoming tired with the constant barrage, yet his mind was clear…fluid…

_I rejecting – back and building,  
Where you stare I do not care!  
What is crawling and competing,  
Everything is everywhere!_

Vassago suddenly raised the sword and chanted. Red waves of energy flew out from the sword as he swung it. Nick thrust his guns back into his pant's pockets and blocked with the shield, but found the waves pushed him back VERY far!

_Deep inside you get around it,  
Reaching back another day!  
Jump it up and feel the heat,  
You snap the mag and blow away!_

He immediately bolted to the side, running as fast as he could. "You can't escape me!" Vassago shouted, running at him. Nick pulled out one gun. "I don't intend to." He thought to himself, pressing the "charge" button.  
_  
Pin Eyed God,  
Get away!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Here to stay, yeah!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Break on you!  
Pin Eyed god,  
Coming free, yeah!_

He whipped around suddenly just as the crown prince of Hell was upon him and fired off the gun. A huge, orb-like ball of rainbow energy flew from the muzzle and struck the sword, which shattered into tiny little pieces.

_Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!  
Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!_

Now the demon was getting FURIOUS. He rushed at Nick, and punched him across the face before Nick could do anything. Nick went flying into the crowd of demons surrounding them both, who promptly tossed him back towards Vassago, who began b---h slapping him around!

_RELOAD!_

_RELO-OAD!  
_

_RE-LO-O-OAD!_

Suddenly Nick grabbed Vassago's arm and flung HIM through the air, whipping out his guns again.

_RELOAD!_

_Pin Eyed God,  
Get away!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Here to stay, yeah!  
Pin Eyed God,  
Break on you!  
Pin Eyed god,  
Coming free, yeah!_

Vassago hit the ground, groaning. He slowly stood up, and saw as his eyes focused through the blood that dripped down from his forehead to see…Nick…

_  
Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!  
Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!_

_  
_With two swirling orbs of energy forming at the muzzles of the guns he was pointing._  
_

_Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!  
Time to diiiiie…  
Time to die!_

"RELOAD!" Nick shouted, as he pulled the trigger of both guns at the demon, who gasped.

"Oh **fu**-"

**BA-BOOOOOM!**

He was sent flying back, and he fell right back down to the ground, groaning horribly, black blood pooling from his chest onto the road below. Multicolored smoke wafted high up from the muzzles of the guns. Nick blew it free and twirled them, then stuck them in his pockets. "THAT'S the way you do it! Now then…I'm going to Sandi, if you don't mind."

Vassago stood up slowly, dusting himself off. The wound slowly, agonizingly, began to heal up.

"I'm…I'm afraid not." He said. "You're not going anywhere. It was a good fight, I'll admit that, but I simply can't let you help her, Nick…"

"Oh, I figured. But that's okay. You're not going to be able to stop me." Nick said simply.

Vassago looked puzzled. "What? Why not?"

"You haven't figured it out?" Nick asked. He shrugged. "Okay then, I'll make it obvious." He pulled out a small walkie-talkie that had been clipped to his back and clicked the "on" button.

"If you can hear me now, come out, come out…wherever you aaaaare!" He sang out. Vassago looked puzzled still, as did the other demons and the people watching the whole spectacle. Then the Prince of Hell turned pale.

"Go ahead, Vassago. Don't need to be a genius to be able to figure out what's going on." Nick said. "But how about I go and be a quipster and say it for you? Ah-hem…" He cleared his throat and began speaking in a game show host voice. "Here are your clues: "Nicholas Michael Grey", "Captain N, the Game Master", "The Chosen"…" Then Nick responded to himself with the voice of a contestant. "Ooh, ooh, "Who's the distraction"?" Nick grinned. "CORRECT, and you've run the category! Oh, and uh, speaking of running…"

The forces of evil suddenly got it. They looked up just as the hundreds of super-powered good guys of the world descended on them and the streets of New York City, finally having been given enough time to amass and arrive at the city whose unholy defenses had been lowered.

"JEOPARDY: Exposure to, or imminence of death, loss or injury!" Nick snickered as he headed for the Empire State Building while Vassago bolted for it and the superheroes began to wipe out the hordes of hell in a tremendous slaughter…

**Author's Note:**

**Bonus points for anyone who can figure out where Hwang comes from. Oh, and don't forget: Read and Review! I love getting reviews and suggestions. **


	33. New York City, Pt2

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

NEW YORK CITY, PT.2

EARLIER…

Jade and the others stayed well inside the large Section 13 helicopter as it hovered over the city. Despite Nick's constant assurance that he could "do his thing" and "pull it off", all of them worried in their own way.

Jackie continued to jiggle his leg, thinking out loud about how HE should be down there instead. Tohru bit his nails over and over and guzzling down "Gopher Cakes" by the bushel, because whenever he got really upset, he ate. The Enforcers tried to stay away from the windows and were playing a deck of cards to keep their minds of off the enormous amount of evil below them all. Valmont and Shendu kept casting glances at each other, nervously twitching in their seats. Uncle shakingly poured himself tea over and over, King's tongue twitched in and out of his scaly lips, and Jade simply sat on the ground, thinking about Sandi and Nick, hoping, praying they would be okay. Drago patted her gently on the shoulder, and for once she didn't draw away. His face was too beautiful and comforting.

"You sure he knows what he's doing?" Kepler asked. He'd come along to equip us for the mission.

"…well, sorta." Jade said. "He can pull it off as long as he doesn't fool around…"

"Boy will go overboard." Uncle predicted. "He always does!"

"Hey, quit it! He's risking his life for her, and for all those people!" Hsi said. He'd been in the corner, looking at Jade. His shoulder angel and shoulder demon were there too, but they couldn't distract him with any of their advice…he felt too worried to listen to any sort of reasoning. "When he gets back, triumphantly carrying Sandi with him, you should get on bended knee and start kissing his feet, you stupid mortal!"

"Shut up!" Jackie shouted, standing up. "Do NOT insult my uncle!"

Now SHENDU stood up. "Listen up, Chan, I don't care one BIT about you or the stupid old billy goat, I am only doing this for her, do you understand?! And I trust the boy, he's a good friend…"

"Demons are good liaaarrrs!" Uncle remarked.

That got him angry. Suddenly he was rushing over to Uncle, grumbling "Chaaaaaan" under his breath, seeing red. Then a strong hand clapped him on the shoulder.

"No." King muttered. "NO."

Shendu snarled and sat back down. "He'd better hurry up." He said to them all. "He'd better hurry."

**BAI TSA**

My picture! It was going to be ruined by the wave!

I had to save it. I dove into the water, fluidly changing into my demon form. I surfaced quickly and swam as fast as I could towards the cave to grab the painting, pulling myself up the secret ladder and jumping inside. The painting was still there, still dry and safe. I quickly lifted it up and tucked it under my arm, then carefully slid down, keeping the painting high up over my head.

But the ocean…it suddenly rose against me. All of a suddenly a wave popped up from just in front of me, and a discarded coke can hit me between the eyes. I blinked, stunned, then immediately made a motion to rub my eyes…

Dropping the painting.

I barely grabbed it in time before I saw…the wave, that huge wave that was coming for the painting…it was upon us both. I held the painting closely to me and closed my eyes…

KAFWOOOOOOSH!

…

…

…I opened my eyes again, and looked down at my Hwang's painting.

Oh no…it was sloughing off, it…my beautiful memory was all…

Wait…what?

I found myself climbing back up to the dock, looking at the painting in my hand. It…

It was sloughing off and revealing another painting beneath it. And it showed…showed…

Showed me, in…in my demon form. Tentacles, webbed, clawed hands…the whole deal.

Oh my…

He…

He knew…Hwang knew all this time, and he still loved me…

He…

He loved…meeeee…

**XIAO FUNG**

Mr. Tasey shook my hand heartily as I walked out the hospital door. He was in a wheelchair, beaming up at me. "You'll do great." He said. "You'll do just fine, just remember to not act "holier than thou" to her."

I nodded. A few people gave me looks as they walked inside the hospital, after all I WAS on bended knee with an old man in the middle of a huge doorway during a busy time of day. Finally I stood up and walked down the ramp to the road, following it to…

The dock. The same dock where Bai Tsa always hung out.

There she was, hugging onto her painting…and…crying?

"Bai?" I asked. She turned around, drying her eyes instinctively.

"Oh, I…didn't see you there, brother. Wh-what do you want?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "Just to say something. I know that…I'm not very nice to you, and I know that we all make cracks about you sleeping with so many men. I just wanted to say…"

Here it was. The moment I'd been prepped for, the moment I'd been prepping myself for.

"That I'm…sorry…and I forgive you, sister."

Bai Tsa looked at me with a strange expression. Then she smiled and nodded. "Th-thanks. I…" She turned the painting around. "I think I should show everyone else this." I took a good look at it. It showed her as…a demon? And with her sailor boyfriend, watching a sunset to boot.

"He knew all along?" I asked.

"And he still loved me." Bai Tsa said softly.

I realized what this meant for her. "You finally know then. So…you're free. I think he would have wanted you to be happy, demon or not."

"I know." She said. "Wish I had figured it out sooner, I guess." My sister rubbed her eyes. "I'm going to need some time alone, I need to figure myself out before I…look for the one person who'll take me."

I clapped her on the shoulder. "Well you know you can always talk to me." I said, and with that, I smiled and walked back to the hospital.

Mr. Tasey's room never felt more snug and homely. It was like there were banners all around that ready "Congratulations", and all just for me, that was how it felt looking at his big smile as I told him what I'd done.

"Shoulder clap? You did a shoulder clap? Good boy." Mr. Tasey said. "You're gonna make a great doctor."

"Thanks Mr. Tasey…I'm sorry that you…" Suddenly it hit me. I hadn't told him yet. "Sorry that…that your test results show you're…you're going to leave this world."

Mr. Tasey didn't stop smiling. "Corey…or should I say Xiao? You've got a future ahead of you."

My eyes bugged out. I opened my mouth slightly. He KNEW?!? How?

"I already passed on. I died while you were in the bathroom, panicking about how to tell me I was doomed." Mr. Tasey explained cheerily.

I couldn't believe it. "You…you mean…but you…you're here, you're not supposed to be real so…how?"

"Because I was always real to you." Mr. Tasey said.

Suddenly someone clapped me on the shoulder. I turned around. It…it was Tso?

"Hello Xiao." That gentle yet chilling voice…yep, Tso. He had closed the door and now pulled the blinds shut around the room.

"Brother, I heard that…that you were attending to a patient that was going to die. It looks like he already passed on."

I turned back and…

He was gone. There was an empty impression where he had once been, the machinery that had supported him was turned off, and the room was…stuffy, ripe with his scent.

I rubbed my nose. "Whatever." I said harshly.

"Xiao, I know this may sound hypocritical coming from me, but…you can't hide your feelings. At least not from family."

I shoved him away. "I don't care!" I shouted. "Why should I care!?"

I felt tears stinging in my eyes. "Why should I care about some stupid, old, dirty human!?!" I wailed.

Tso put his hand on my shoulder. "Because you loved him."

…he was right.

I…

I _had_ loved him.

**DAI GUI**

The mouse scampered away when I got nearer. I knelt by the dead hawk. It really was beautiful.

"Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate." A voice said.

I looked up. It was a blond-haired child carrying a stuffed animal. He had a red shirt with black stripes and his hair spiked up everywhere.

"It's amazing how precious life is." The kid said.

I blinked. "Really?"

"Times moves so fast. Before you know it…it's over and done with. People you know, people you loved, they're gone. And as you get older, you start to think about what you've done with your life. But if you want to go on with your daily affairs, you can't think about stuff like that…" He sighed. "Which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted so often and acts so thoughtlessly."

He walked over to the other side of the hawk and knelt down as well. He sighed. "At the end of the day, you realize that nature can be very ruthless, and our existence is very fragile, temporary and precious."

I put a finger to my mouth. For some reason…I could understand what he was saying.

"It's very confusing." The kid said, standing up. "I suppose it'll all make sense one day, when I grow up." He said. Waving goodbye, he walked off down the path, heading for a nearby ice cream store. I looked down at the hawk…

And I found myself lifting it up and burying it a few minutes later, in a field…

Of flowers.

Dai Gui does not like flowers. But this time, Dai Gui will make an exception.

"I suppose it'll all make sense one day when I grow up" that boy had said.

"No doubt." I thought, as I lay back in the field of dandelions. "No doubt."

**DREW**

I nervously bit my lip in the waiting room.

All of us had been there for what seemed to be hours. There were "beeps" and "pings" of machinery being heard throughout the halls, doctors and nurses walked here and there, but nobody had come to tell us what was going on with that dude we'd tried to save.

Finally those two kids from school that hung around that annoying "superhero" and that b---h Jade came back, this time with a third person, who appeared to be a doctor of some kind-hey, he was another one of the kids!

"You're a frickin' **resident**?" I found myself asking. Only I didn't say "frickin'".

"I'm HEAD resident." Corey told me. "And as for Mr. Goldberg…the patient you helped to bring in," he added, seeing me and my peep's confused expressions, "I just checked up on him after my brother here talked with me. I'll be honest, he is not doing very well. It…doesn't look good I can't seem to get through to him at all…"

"There's always prayer." Paul suddenly said. "With Lord Jesus on your side anything is possible."

We all looked at him. Finally Corey spoke up. "Kid, er…why are you saying something like that? I don't really think…"

"Why not?" Frank, his brother said. "All right, lead us in the prayer. I don't know what else could work."

"Dr. Damon" looked at me as he sat down next to me while Paul led the others in prayer. "How'd you get stuck with a born-again Christian?"

"Oh, I dunno." I said. "Part of its cuz he because he picked up the Bible one day while the power was out and found it was just a d—n good read…" I frowned. "The other part is how his family is able to watch as his dad drunkenly knocks him from room to room."

Dr. Damon gaped. "Oh, I…I didn't know…" He looked nervous, and sympathetic.

"And Andrew's parents made him study for the SATs on his BIRTHDAY. Did you know he's forced to listen to books on tape while he sleeps? MATH books on tape."

"…harsh."

"And Rohan, Rohan's working three jobs, and they're all about calling people up. He HATES the telephone, hates making calls. He told me he wants to be a farmer, but every time somebody sees him, they ask him if he knows anything about fixing a computer."

"Oh, ouch. And…is there a problem with you?"

I clenched my fist. Then I gave a lukewarm grin. "Oh, well, my parents are f—kin' rich. My dad likes to go down to his country club and pretend to care about poor people, and he raises ostriches."

"Ostriches?" The doc blinked stupidly. "Why?"

"Oh, they're such majestic creatures, don'tcha think? Plus they're kind of like the children he never had…"

Corey must have seen my face darken because he suddenly shivered.

"And he makes great belts out of their necks."

"Really?" Corey asked, interested. "What kind?'

"Long enough to let you breathe, yet strong enough to leave marks on my back."

This time Corey didn't talk back. He looked at the ground, nervously tapping his feet while Paul finished up the prayer. Suddenly a nurse entered the room.

"Doctor Damon…the patient you asked me to check up on, Mr. Goldberg…he passed away."

The other guys all went "huh" or "whatever". They just walked out, saying they'd see me later. But not me.

I buried my face in my hands as tears flowed down. He was gone…gone. And just a short while ago he'd been living and breathing, right in front of me, and now….

Dr. Damon tapped me on the shoulder. "Listen, Drew…" I heard him say. "I…I think I'd like you to come with me to face the victim's family. All of you. I think…that's what Mr. Goldberg would have wanted."

I rubbed my nose on my sleeve and nodded. "Yeah…okay…okay."

Why did I care? I thought. But…

I knew the answer.

MEANWHILE…

The signal was given.

Capes flowing in the wind along with impossible hairdos, costumes of every single color and coordination, boots and buckles, shirts and skirts, armored suits and shiny boots…hundreds of heroes descended upon NYC in full force, as the demon hordes reaped the whirlwind for trying to invade the world that every single one of those heroes loved and cared for so much. One hero in particular…okay, VIGILANTE…was making his way to a door inside a building that he'd cleared out personally. He opened it up…

"And one, two, three! "I've got a funny feeling…we're all born to lose! And I got a funny feeling that this life ain't worth livin'…through"! Oh…hello!" Shin smiled. He was surrounded by the various prisoners of the building who were all looking up at him. There was a pinned-by-shadowy-aura-needles bald, muscular demon on the wall who was cringing in immense pain. "I already took care of him, we were just waiting for help to come, so I thought "why not sing?"."

"_**He made me watch**_!" Astaroth complained. "Why oh WHY do I always take requests? I shouldn't have untied him…what did Lucifer tell me? "Specifics, specifics"! What do I do? Ignore him! Why do I do that?"

Hao blinked. "So…you had it under control, Mr…"

"Dell. Shin Dell."

Hao's eyes flew WIDE open. His lips became taut. A brief flash of pity filled his eyes before he nodded. "Right, uh…come on, let's get you all out of here. Me and the Justice League, Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four can handle this part of town…I just hope Nick's going to be able to save Sandi…"

Shin gaped. "NICK'S HERE?" He asked. "Oh, I gotta see him! I haven't seen him in AGES!" He immediately bolted out of the room. Hao rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, what a weird Goth…" Hao KNEW what was supposed to happen to him. "Poor guy…"

Hao knew, he KNEW what would happen to Shin…it was his destiny to cause eternal suffering…or to suffer for eternity.

"This sure is slow." Nick remarked as he waited in the elevator with Spider-Man, who nodded. "By the way…nice costume." He remarked.

"Thanks." Spider-Man said. "But sometimes…it makes my butt itch."

"Right. Fair enough."

"Nice mood necklace."

"Thanks. Gift from my girlfriend. Say…" He tilted his head. "What music is this?"

They listened to the song. Hmm. _Daaa-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da…daaaaaaa…_

"…oh! It's "The Girl from Ipanema"." Spider-Man told him.

"Ahhh." Nick remarked.

They stood there, listening to the song for about 5 more floors. Then Spidey got off. "Well, this is my stop." He said, getting out. ON the floor he was getting off at, Thor was whacking the crap out of any devil that got too close, Mr. Fantastic was being…well, fantastic, and Wonder Woman was…well, someone had tried to rip her bra off. The offender paid for it…and paid for it…and paid for it…

Spidey waved goodbye to Nick, then ducked, punching a charging demon in the gut, sending him flying out the window. Nick winced and pressed the "close" button as Spidey walked away and a demon charged at the elevator. Luckily the elevator closed. Unluckily, it closed on the demon's fingers. Guess what happened?

"EWWWW!" Nick screamed, turning away and plugging his ears to avoid hearing the squelching and popping sounds that were resulting, along with screaming…sweet Jesus, that thing was SCREAMING!

Eventually he reached the top and stepped out onto the top floor, heading for the service stairway that led to the roof, running up it two steps at a time. He kicked the door open…

"SANDI!" He shouted, seeing her tied down. "Nick!" She gasped. "You like, came! Oh, thank you-thank you-thank yoouuu! I could just kiss you!"

"Save the kissing for later." Nick said, running over and kneeling down. "I'll get you free." He said, pulling out the gun and aiming it at the edge of the bond that held her right hand down.

"Actually, you're not going to get her free. You're going to have to die in front of her so that her sorrow will fully unlock the portals of Hell." A smooth, dark and somehow enticing voice said from behind him. Nick turned around and gaped.

"JESUS TITTY-SUCKING CHRIST!" He shouted, leaping up in the air about one and a half feet in total shock/fear. "You're fracking HUGE!" He remarked, shivering as he tried to take up a defensive pose. "What, you take a lot of vitamins? Or maybe you've been working out?" He looked down at the guns in his hand. "Say, do these guns make my wrists look too big?"

The Grand Devil chuckled. "Heh-heh-heh. They told me you were eccentric. Allow me to introduce myself, Mr. Grey. I am the Grand Devil Barubary."

Nick's brow furrowed. He'd heard that name bef-ah! "You…you're from Nina's world! But…shouldn't you be…well…"

"Fried? Gutted? Flayed? Sliced? Diced? Slaughtered?" Barubary asked.

"I was going to say "really most sincerely dead"." Nick told him.

Barubary snickered, but then his eyes narrowed. "Ever been KILLED before, human!?" He asked angrily. "Dying, oh _dying_ is easy! Dying is just an obstacle to get past. Quicker and easier than falling asleep most of the time…but being KILLED…" He spat on the ground. "Dying the way I did…was painful. Oh yes, he was a brave man of the dragon indeed. A fine battle!" The Grand Devil's eyes glazed over in memory. "Yes, a worthy tale to tell. However…he practically ANNIHILATED me. But at least, once the fight was over, I thought that was it."

Barubary turned and walked away slightly, looking out over the city, ignoring the shouts and cries coming from below from his "comrades". He took in a deep breath. "I was dead. Gone. It was all over. At long last, I could rest…no more suffering, no more pain. I thought perhaps, I would be able to atone for what I did. But no, NO!" He turned around, eyes flaring up. It made Sandi and Nick shiver. "I get ripped free from Death's grasp and sent straight to this world! Down to Hell, forced into servitude. And the only way I can return is to do as my master commands."

He pointed at Sandi with a long claw. "You see, little Sandi, you are a very special girl. You have three important things going for you: your pure innocence which grants you the strength to break through the boundaries between worlds, your shamanic talent, which enables you to open the portals of Hell, and of course…" He grinned slyly. "HIS mark on you. The Fire Demon of the East put a mark upon you when you two…had a little fun. Oh you're not PREGNANT, you're still a virgin." He added quickly, seeing both their faces.

Nick turned to Sandi. "Wait, you actually…EWWWWW!" He shook his head rapidly. "EW-EW-EW-EW! You gotta get MARRIED before you do that kinda stuff, Sandi!"

"We didn't _actually_ do it! It was just some playful-"

"Don't wanna hear it, la-la-la-la!" Nick remarked, plugging his ears. "I can't hear you, la-la-la!** _No more information_**!"

Barubary cleared his throat. "HE-HEM." Nick and Sandi looked up at him.

"Right. Now then…Shendu put a protective magical mark on her when he held her tight to his body. He loves her…and love is a powerful thing indeed. Such concern for you is touching…and it has d—ned you. You see, if you didn't have the mark, I wouldn't have bothered with killing you." He explained, walking towards them.

Nick rushed forward, firing the guns. "I won't let you hurt her!" He shouted.

Barubary laughed and batted the bullets aside like they were flies he was swatting, then swatted NICK into a nearby air vent. He groaned as he slid to the roof. Barubary approached Sandi and reached out, lifting her head up with a single claw to look him. She found it hard to focus on not screaming and freaking out because those three eyes were staring deep into her…

"Your sorrow…the power of sorrow is incredible. If your tears fell, they would break the seals that keep the portals of hell from opening. To put it simply: you cry, and all Hell breaks loose…free to control the world. Right now your friends down there have a large advantage, but I just have to get you to let loose a single tear…" He smiled cruelly. "And then you have to die. Die, so that I can be free."

"Wh-why?" Nick asked, getting up.

"If it was simply a matter of letting the hordes loose, I'd spare her life. But because she has the protection of the Fire Demon on her, if I were to eat her…" The demon leaned down, head nearing Sandi's own head. She turned away, shivering madly as his tongue reached out and licked her head. "If I were to take your body into my own, to make you float within my belly…then your protection would be mine. As you are slowly digested within me, becoming one with my power, your power would be mine. I would be free to return to my world, and the protective seal upon you would enable me to pass there freely. You see, journeying between worlds for those of incredible demonic power is…difficult. Unless we have special magical protection, we'd be torn apart in seconds upon moving through the gates of the Nexus that connects all worlds."

"Please, I'll do anything, but…but don't hurt me…" Sandi begged.

"Anything?" Barubary asked. "Even kill those you love? If you were to kill your beloved, I could, I suppose, substitute his life and strength for your own. Although my master wants him to suffer far more by seeing those he cares for in pain." He raised his head and scratched it, thinking. "Hmm…should I let you go and change my prey?...oh wait…I can't." He shook his head. "My master has me under a contract. I have to do what he says or I'll endure incredible pain. I can't allow you to live. And I don't think…" The Grand Devil smiled. "That you would let your dear Fire Demon die in your place, would you?"

Sandi was quiet. She bit her lip, then shook her head vigorously.

"No, of _**course**_ you wouldn't." Barubary went on. "You care about him. You'd never sacrifice him, would you?"

She shook her head. "No, I…I wouldn't."

"You're a good girl." He complimented. "Such touching, innocent love. It's a pity, really…" Barubary turned to Nick. "Now then, to make you weep. It would be better if you just started right now before I have to kill your savoir…"

"Sandi, don't you give three-eyes here the satisfaction!" Nick shouted, cracking his knuckles and throwing the guns and his backpack away. "Stay strong!"

"Ha-ha! Yes, yes, you're a brave boy, aren't you?" Barubary laughed.

"**If you've got an ass, I'll KICK it!**" Nick shouted, doing the "come on" gesture.

The Grand Devil grinned. "Come, meet your fate! I WILL return to my home, and SOMEONE will die so that I can accomplish that!" He rushed forward, legs "cla-clacking" on the roof as Nick leapt into the air, fist drawn back.

Fist collided with armored arm, and Nick fell down, just as Barubary's tail swept at him. He jumped over it, then jumped over it again, only this time Barubary's claws came down. Nick leapt back, then ran along the side of the roof, brow furrowed angrily. He had to get Sandi out of here, and FAST! He focused hard, picturing a flame in one hand, and shouted the words "BRING THE HEAT!" Instantly a fireball popped up, and he flung it at Barubary. "Like it hot, scumbag?" Nick yelled.

"You call that a flame?" Barubary laughed. "I've been burnt by dragon's fire, boy! Your little-" He tried to bat it away, but when it began clinging to his arm and sizzling him, he howled and batted it out. "What the? Of course…fire generated from your heart's strength…you have that kind of power. I forgot…"

Barubary rushed forward, rapidly running along the roof, drawing one arm back and then whipping it forward. A burst of crimson, wave-like energy shot out from his arm, slamming into Nick, who went flying into an air vent, breaking it in two. Nick hit the roof, groaning, as Barubary advanced, claws twitching nervously.

"All beings die, little one. Your time has simply come sooner than most…you should feel honored, death in battle is a noble way to die, especially in the service of trying to save an innocent." Barubary told him in a fashion that would have been comforting if not for the fact that he was, as it were, trying to KILL Nick. He raised his claws and brought them down…

Nick grabbed one. Though the point was sticking into his skin, and blood flowed down onto the roof with a "drip-drip" sound, he ignored it. "You…will…not…kill…Sandi!" Nick shouted. He suddenly SHOVED the Grand Devil back, then leapt up into the air, right foot flying forward. "AQUA KICK!" He shouted, as the fury of the ocean, encased in orb form, covered the foot, which promptly slammed into Barubary's left cheek.

FAWOOOOM! He went flying straight to the side, and down off the roof! Nick immediately ran over to Sandi and began freeing her, easily breaking the demonic bonds on her by crunching them with his aura. "You alright?" He asked. "The others are all waiting for me to bring you home…come on, let's-"

"You…"

KA-KRUNCH!

"Shall…"

KA-KRUNCH!

"Go…"

KA-KRUNCH!

"Nowhere."

KA-KRUNCH!

Barubary climbed back up to the roof of the Empire State Building, much to Sandi's horror. His large claws had been embedded in the building as he fell, and had kept him from falling off. He towered high, all three eyes glaring down at Nick and Sandi. "You will not live any longer." He told Nick solemnly, holding his claws together in front of his body. He began to chant.

Suddenly large thunder clouds appeared above the Empire State Building…and then KRAKOW! KRAKOW! Lightning split all around Nick, who desperately darted around, trying to avoid being-

KRAKOW!

"AAA!" He screamed in pain, body fried. He fell to the ground, barely conscious, twitching. He tried to stand up, but Barubary's large leg suddenly stabbed through the right part of his chest.

Pain…pain…oh God, it **HURT**! He coughed out blood as the leg was removed. He couldn't get up, it hurt so much...but he had to! He had to!

Barubary raised his claws again. "This time, you should just stay-"

"ELECTRIC DASH!" Nick shouted. And a moment later, he was right BEHIND Barubary, who turned around, surprised. "How did you-AAARRRGGHHH!!!" Thousands of volts of electricity went coursing through his veins. Nick's body had become hyper-charged with energy as he'd sailed, body becoming like lightning, THROUGH the Grand Devil, striking with electricity.

Barubary slumped to the ground, groaning. "You're…quite strong…" He grunted and stood up, facing Nick, who was in a defensive position. "But you must accept that you cannot save her."

Nick shook his head. "No. I don't believe it."

Barubary tilted his head slightly. "Child…why do you even try? Why do you care so much for a world that is not your own? Care for a girl who's heart will never be yours? Care for people who one day shall forget and perhaps even despise you? Why form friendships with those demon children? Why did you make the first move?"

"There are different kinds of love." Nick said, his voice quiet, yet somehow so clear and resounding with truth. "You can love your country, love a cause, your fellow man. You can love your friends, and when you care enough, your friends become your family, your ohana. I know that love saves people…" He smiled. "So I wanna save everyone."

Barubary was quiet for a few moments. Then he shook his head. "Such sweet naivety. It truly will be a pity to end the life of one like yourself. I can admire your heroic innocence. Yet it is quixotic. Destined to fail. You cannot save everyone…and you won't save her. Accept it…death will come for her. And when it happens, that is it. No human can come back from death. No human can return to the living. She will die…but first, you shall lead the way!"

He raised his legs then brought them down hard, making a small tremor that made Nick go flying into the air a little. He landed on his butt, and before he could get up, Barubary waved his arm, striking Nick dead-on with a wave-like strike of energy, just like the one from before.

Nick moaned horribly as he lay there on the roof. Suddenly the door to the service stairway. He turned and saw…

Jackie, Uncle, Jade, Tohru, Shendu, Hsi, Valmont, the Enforcers, King…they'd come. They'd come…

Just in time to see him die, as the claws swung down…

But death did not come for him.

Nick's mouth was slightly open as he felt blood drip down from her red lipped mouth as those beautiful blue eyes gazed into his. So much pain in them…

Shendu and Valmont immediately screamed in horror and grief. Jade buried her face in Jackie's chest as he held her. The others gasped in horror, or shouted "NO".

Nick's mouth remained slightly open as he slowly got up. Sandi slowly slid down from the claws that had impaled her and she hit the roof with a "SCHLUMP" sound. Nick kneeled down to her, grabbing her hand, clenching it tightly. Barubary looked at her, then at him. Nick looked at the wounds, as blood pooled out from below her, and the two people that cared so much for Sandi Valmont hit the roof with their fists.

"Ni-Nick…I'm…like, so, so sorry…" She gasped out, blood splurting slightly from her mouth. Nick clenched her hand tighter, noticing the color of her fingernails.

King's eyes were filled with pity. "Poor child…" he whispered. He turned angrily to Barubary, hissing with fury. Barubary looked at him briefly before turning to Nick.

"She's a brave girl." He complimented. "Even now…she won't cry…"

But Nick was. Tears were falling down freely. "Sandi, no…no, please don't. Don't die, please don't die. I came to save you, you're not going to die. Please."

"Dad…tell…Mom you're sorry…make up…fer me, 'kay?" She said, laughing softly, her voice sounding so…tired.

"Sandi…my little Sandi…" Valmont sobbed. He remembered the picture from before. "Oh, I…I used to be able to hold you in one arm, you were this big…" He blubbered as he showed them all.

"Nooooo…noooooo!" Shendu wailed. "D—n you God! Oh, you are cruel to take away those like her!"

Nick held her hand so tightly now. "Sandi, please…please…don't die." He begged, voice breaking.

"Shendu…don't…be sad…" Sandi pleaded.

"You can't save the little one." Barubary repeated.

Nick looked down into Sandi's eyes. He turned and looked at the others. He looked up at Barubary.

He thought about his time in Joe's world. What had been said? "Their deaths didn't matter", there were lives to spare. But not here. This wasn't a game. Sandi had one life, and she was losing it now, right in front of them all.

Lilo…he could never ever forget seeing her dead and buried, killed because he couldn't save her. But he'd made it right, fixed the past, she was alive, and happy with her _ohana_. But he…he didn't have a Time Board to go back and change things.

How could he-?

And then he saw…

A form that moved through the skies, slowly coming to the top of the roof. Unnoticed by them all, passing through Barubary as if a ghost, he came to rest in front of Sandi. Cloaked, wielding a scythe…the Archangel of Death, Azrael. He pulled out an apple, and leaned down next to her, acknowledging Nick with a glance and a firm nod.

Now he would take her soul to Heaven and-

"YOU KNOW THERE'S A WAY…" He heard in his heart. The Voice.

It was right. There was a way. But…but people are supposed to die, supposed to-

_No. _

"You said I couldn't save her." Nick found himself saying. Everyone looked at him. His voice wasn't breaking anymore…it was so strong…so sure…he knew, he **knew** what to do.

"I told you…"

Suddenly all moved in slow motion. Azrael looked up just as Nick grabbed him around his neck, throwing him, grabbing his scythe away. He raised the scythe into the air and promptly broke the scythe across his knee. And as he did so, suddenly EVERYTHING stopped. All the fighting below, any movement from those trying to leave the city…everyone suddenly felt it…

He knelt down and lifted Sandi up. Azrael gasped as he dissipated into a million pieces that faded into nothingness. His power was gone.

"**I AM GONNA SAVE EVERYONE!" **He shouted to the Heavens, holding her to his chest tightly. He closed his eyes and then let it all flow through, as their bodies became surrounded in a pair of beautiful glowing wings, glowing like an aurora, containing a feather of every single color, raised up into the air, then folding over them both, wrapping around them as tenderly as a parent's embrace. Suddenly it vanished in a burst of multi-colored sparks, and a beam of rainbow light shot forth into the heavens, vanishing in a speck of light. Nick fell to the ground, on his knees.

And Sandi's eyes slowly opened.

"I told you I was gonna save you." Nick said, and hugged her tightly. "Even if I had to give up all my powers, I was willing. And I have…and I'm NOT sorry."

Sandi blinked slowly, mouth opening and closing. Then she began to shake, immediately raising a hand to her eyes. "Oh, I'm…I'm like, crying, I'm…not supposed to do that…"

"No." Barubary said suddenly. They turned and saw he was…smiling happily.

"There is wrong with crying…when you're happy." He said. "We have lost, I suppose." He walked to the edge of the roof and let out a loud roar. Instantly the remaining demons vanished with a loud "POOF" and a burst of brimstone. "My master is going to be very upset with all of this. Oh well." He remarked. "This sort of thing happens. But if I were you, Chosen one…I'd be careful. Bringing back the dead…that goes against the natural order. Now you've made an enemy of the Heavenly Host with your little "Third Strike"."

He laughed. It wasn't a bad laugh though. "Then again, what you've done…what it means…I believe what you've done was worth it. I expect you to get stronger for your sacrifice, Mr. Grey."

Nick gave Barubary a angry glare, pointing at him accusingly. "I'm gonna make YOU cry!"

Barubary chuckled. "Child, the only time a devil can cry is when it's **all over**. Just don't disappoint me. We WILL meet again." And with that, he bowed almost mockingly before vanishing in a gust of brimstone. Nick coughed, GOD that was a horrible smell, then turned to the others, helping Sandi up.

"Everyone…meet the almost-late Sandi Valmont. Blond, beautiful and bubbly. So tell us about yourself!"

"I like cake and ice cream." Sandi said, laughing lightly.

All rushed forward, and for the first time in history, there was the first man/demon/half-demon group hug. Nick couldn't take the smile off of his face as they all made their way down from the service stairway to the elevator, and then to the helicopter. Cheers filled all of their ears, and two more were added to the happy group as Shin and Hao ran to hug Nick, who had done the impossible.

"How?" Hao had asked.

"It was a one in a million chance…no, BEYOND that!" Shin had admitted.

"Well, I've always been lucky." Nick told them as Sandi was tossed up and down by a cheering Valmont, before Shendu held her tightly and they embraced passionately, snogging joyfully. "And besides…she had people waiting at home for her, didn't she?" he added, looking at the loving parent, devoted demon boyfriend and damsel in distress.

"Besides…remember what I said up there?" He told them.

He had wanted to save everyone. Everyone including Sandi.

Barubary had been right. Dying WAS just an obstacle.

But he hadn't snuck around it…he'd blown it clear off of his path.

_No more._ He had thought.

_I won't let anyone else die. Not when I can save them. And I will save everyone._

_Death is something that people grow to fear. Grow to hate. _

_And it's impossible to overcome it. After all, as Barubary had said, "no human can come back to life. No human can return to the living"._

_Pfft. Big dummy. Didn't he know?_

_There __**was**__ this one guy who did it, a __long__ time ago…_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well, what do you all think of THAT? Admit it, you had no idea I was going to do what I did…kill Sandi and then bring her back. I did say that these chapters would deal with death and how people react to different deaths…but who says death is always the end? Nick overcame it, and will reap the consequences, but for now…they'll take this happy ending. **

**Stay cool until next time. And don't forget: read, review…and take the lessons to heart. **


	34. A Christmas Story

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE**

A CHRISTMAS STORY

"Let's hear it for Nick!"

"To the man-er, kid of the hour!"

"You the man, kid!"

Back at Section 13, everyone was throwing a HUGE party. Streamers of every color hung from the ceiling, as a billion differently colored and shaped balloons littered the ceiling. The punch bowls were being dipped into over and over, as well as the various snack bowls, loaded with candies, chocolates, and Chex mix. There was a huge drink bar, and Nick was currently sipping a Shirley Temple with a lovely cherry in it.

"Slurrrrrp." He finished up the last of it just as Captain Black clapped him on the back again.

"Nick, you were amazing! The United States government, incidentally, wishes to deny that the whole incident happened, but they shipped us enough bonus funding to buy everyone Ferraris! Or was it Xiao who sent it?"

"I am one rich mother!" Xiao hollered, completely wasted. He and Drago had begun to make elaborate toasts with each drink, to true love, to French wine, to barstools to… 

"To Nick Grey! The Chosen something who…wooooooo…boy, I feel funny…"

"I think SOMEBODY needs to sober up." Nick snickered.

"_Nugas_!" Xiao muttered in Latin, which roughly meant "Baloney!".

"Uh oh. When Xiao starts muttering Latin in between his sentences, that's bad." Nick realized.

"You've had enough." The bartender told Xiao.

_"Futue te ipsum_!" Xiao muttered, which basically meant "Go f—k yourself".

"Here." He handed Xiao a twenty dollar bill. "Go get a taxi and head home."

Xiao took it and stuffed it in his pocket, with a cry of "To friendship! To generosity! To 20 bucks a handy!"

"Uh, what?" Nick mumbled.

Obviously he was **NOT** going to get a taxi. In fact, he fell backwards out of his barstool, landing on the floor. The Enforcers picked him up, Hak Foo being the last one. "Now what's the plan again?" Ratso asked. "Froggy pays Piper." Hak Foo reiterated. "Right. Now after we head for the dumpster, let's go get a beer."

Drago tossed back a corona. His posse was there as well, and Strikemaster Ice was right behind him, suggesting he should take a break from the drinks. To which Drago responded with a loud, rowdy song.

"Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them, but this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection! HIC! I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts, if burglars touch my property they won't leave there without a limp! Packing heat this Christmas, I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve, cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I beli-HOC! A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud, it says that "I will not take all of this bulls-HIC lying down"! I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts…I'll only tell you once "Stay the HOC away from my HIC-HIC-HIC"!!!" He then began hiccupping madly and his head hit the bar, as he dazed off into a stupor.

His posse lifted him up and grinned evilly. "Wait up, dudes!" Strikemaster Ice shouted to The Enforcers.

"Did you hear?" Sandi asked, giggling slightly. She and Shendu were sharing a root beer float together, which Shendu LOVED. It tasted almost as good as her lips.

"Hear what?" He asked.

"Dave Chappelle has a catchphrase, a new one based off a different one of his funny lines."

"It's not "I'm rich, b---h" anymore?"

"No."

"What is it?"

MANY MILES AWAY:

"Come on, Mr. Chappelle. Pay up your rent."

"What? Aw come on!"

"Pony up, Dave."

"I'm broke, n-gga!"

BACK TO THE PARTY!

"Let's drink to his memory then." Shendu said.

"But he's not dead."

"Yeah, but who knows for how long?"

After thinking over the question of "What kind of person is Dave Chappelle?", Sandi nodded and ordered another root beer float. The two took separate straws and stuck them into the drink, slurping up.

Meanwhile, Po Kong and Tohru were dancing to "Danke Schon".

"You dance divinely." Po Kong whispered. Tohru blushed.

Then somebody put on "Girlfriend", by Avril Lavigne. The dancers on the floor promptly began to bump and grind, and when you saw Tohru and Po Kong-

"WOAH! That is just WRONG! Care to join me in a super-loud "Hey whores"?" Bai Tsa inquired of Uncle.

And for the first time ever, Uncle didn't argue with a demon. "Absolutely." Uncle agreed, adjusting his glasses.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three! **HEY WHORES!**"

Our two dancers stopped dry humping and parted, rubbing the back of their necks. Too bad, it was a good song too…

Hsi and Jade were talking as they drank sodas. "Can you believe it? Sandi really came back from the brink!" Jade said, laughing. "It's a miracle!"

"It truly is." Hsi admitted, looking into Jade's eyes. "She's walking, talking, drinking…"

Jade looked over at Sandi and Shendu. Her eyes widened. "Oh, add "snogging"…"

"Get a room!" Hsi yelled. Sandi and Shendu turned around, sticking their tongues out, showing the faintest traces of each other's spittle and root beer float foam before they went back to kissing.

"Heh-heh. Love is such a funny thing." Hsi remarked. "I'm glad Shendu found someone like her though…she's making him good, the way Nick made us know what it meant to be good." He realized. "And it feels…nice."

"Being good?" Jade asked.

"Yeah…and being cared about." He added. Jade smiled. "Hey, what are friends for?"

"It's too bad you really had to give up your powers to save Sandi." Kepler remarked. "I wanted to study you-"

"Cough-cough, takehimapart, cough-cough" Someone muttered. Kepler tossed the someone a nasty look.

"No more super strength." Dai Gui remarked.

"Or flight." Tso said sadly.

"Or endurance." Hao added.

"And no more elemental powers." King said finally.

"Yeah…" Nick brushed his hair back. "I feel…kinda weird, not having my powers anymore. Still, if I had to go back and make the same choice, I would have." He grinned over at Sandi, who was STILL macking away with Shendu. "She's alright. And to me, that's like an extra, early Christmas present!"

Suddenly the music, dancing and partying just **stopped**. Everyone gulped.

"Don't tell me." Nick said flatly. "You forgot about CHRISTMAS?"

"Well, what with the demonic attacks…" Captain Black began.

"And the Bell searching…" Jackie added.

"And the chaos in San Fran, we DID forget." King finished.

Nick rolled his eyes. It was a good thing he had planned ahead with HIS shopping, having already ordered his gifts online. They'd been shipped a little while back, and he'd carefully hidden them. "Well, you'll all have to go Christmas shopping, won't you?" He responded, sipping another Shirley Temple.

"…what's Christmas?" Shin asked.

Everyone face-planted.

AND THUS…LATER…

Everyone looked around the mall. Nick smiled. "Ah, nothing like the mall around Christmas time."

"The place is packed to the brim!" Jackie groaned.

"It smells funny." Sandi commented.

"I think someone just grabbed my ass!" Jade shouted.

"Someone just trod on my foot!" Tohru moaned, bounding up and down, holding onto his foot, making the immediate area shake as he hopped up and down.

"Well then, as the Romans say, "_vae tibi_"! Sucks to be you!" Nick laughed.

Sandi kissed Shendu on the cheek. All of the demons were, naturally, in human form. "Well I got something SPECIAL planned for you!" She said.

"Aw, they make a good couple." Xiao said, chuckling. "Can you imagine being married to her…or to Jade?"

Nick scratched his head. "Well, I guess…it would be kinda nice. I suppose it's doable."

"Oh, I'll tell you what's doable!" Xiao laughed, pointing both thumbs at himself.

"Very funny. God is watching, how many times have you been asked out this year?" Nick responded, poking his finger into Xiao's gut.

Xiao's tone became sour, and his lips taut. "…touché, Mr. Grey. _**Touché**_."

"Since I am all set present-wise, I'm gonna go do Christmas carols. I'll meet you all back at home later!" With a cheery two-fingered salute, he left them in the main entrance and headed for the front of the mall, out where several carolers had gathered. He greeted them cheerily and asked to sing. Since they were low on people and since it was Christmas, they agreed. Back inside…

"Let's split up." King suggested.

"Good idea." Uncle agreed. They divided up into pairs of two. King and Uncle went together, as did Jackie and, of all people, Shendu. Sandi and Hao went together, as did Bai Tsa and Valmont. Ratso and Chow were together, and Finn and Hak Foo were paired up. Po Kong and Tohru stayed together, while Dai Gui and Tso became a pair. Lastly, Hsi and Jade were a pair, and with that everyone walked off to go look for presents.

Shendu looked at Jackie Chan as the two entered a clothing store. Jackie decided that he was going to get Bai Tsa a new bra. "Er…um…" He asked nervously. Shendu was giving him a look like a vampire gives it's victim right before it strikes. "Er…what…is your sister's size?"

"I believe the correct term is…they're B…oh wait, she increased their size…they're C cups now." Shendu grinned evilly. Jackie gulped. He was really, REALLY afraid of Shendu, and for good reason.

"Well then, I'll get her th-this p-pair." He muttered, pulling down a light blue bra from the shelves. Shendu snickered. Jackie finally couldn't take it anymore. "What is so funny?!" He asked angrily.

"I already know what I'm getting her…a trained shark."

"…why?" Jackie wanted to know.

WHY:

"Wow, thanks again for inviting me to Valmont's house." Jackie said happily in his big red bathing suit. Bai Tsa sat by the pool with Shendu and smiled.

"No problem at all, Mr. Chan!" She said. As Jackie bounded up and down on the diving board, she turned and pulled out a walkie talkie from behind a cooler. "Wait for it…_wait_…"

"WAHOO!" Jackie jumped into the pool with a can opener. Bai Tsa grinned evilly at Shendu and gave the order through the walkie talkie. "Now! Now!"

Jackie surfaced in the pool and brushed his wet hair back. Suddenly he felt a tug. "Hey, something feels pinchy…WAAAA!" He was suddenly pulled back and forth by his leg as blood oozed up from the pool's bottom.

"Save me a leg!" Shendu requested of Bai, who nodded. "Save us a leg." She told the shark through the walkie talkie.

BACK TO REALITY:

Shendu's smile was enormous. Jackie was getting creeped out, so he went to the counter and pulled out his wallet. There weren't too many people in the store, interestingly enough. "Just this, please." He told the lady, who gave him a look when he put the bra down. The look got worse when Jackie realized that he was going to have to pay CASH, since he'd forgotten his credit cards.

It looked very bad.

"Perv." She muttered under her breath. Jackie tried to explain himself while Shendu began laughing madly. It got worse when Jackie tried raising his voice and security had to drag him out. Shendu was laughing all the way out of the store.

Meanwhile, Jade and Hsi were looking through books in a bookstore in the mall. "Hmm. Al Franken's "The Truth"…Nick will love this…but how about you get him "Lies and the Lying Liars who tell them" first?" "All right." Hsi agreed, pulling it off the shelf. "Who is this "Al Franken" anyhow?"

"Oh, he's a Saturday Night Live comedian. But he's also a political commentator. He's really famous."

Hsi looked through the book at the first couple of chapters. He noticed a name pop up: Ann Coulter. Reading through, he began to form an opinion of both people, Al and Ann. Al was smart, clever, and pretty funny.

Ann was a b---h.

"This woman sounds nasty." He said. "Ann Coulter, huh?"

"Oh, she's AWFUL. You know what she said about Islamic nations one day after 9/11?" Jade asked.

"What?" Hsi asked, although he didn't know what 9/11 was.

"She actually said "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity"."

Hsi looked a bit disgusted. "Sheesh, I thought you people were "civilized" now."

"Oh, she's a nut." Jade explained. "Hmm. How come there aren't too many people in here now?" She realized out loud.

It WAS odd. There had been a lot more people in the bookstore, now they were almost alone. Hsi shrugged. "Who knows? Ooh, I've read this book!" He said, pulling out from the shelves a copy of "Harry Potter". "Nick read it to us, at least the first one. Hmm. "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"…

Just across from them, Sandi and Hao sipped some Icees with Hsi and Jade sitting near them. Jade and Hsi were talking about what they were going to get Uncle for Christmas.

"Dead rat?"

"NO!"

"Dead goat?"

"NO."

"Dead fish?"

"No."

"Smelly old dog?"

"No pets. Uncle barely likes Scruffy."

Hsi rubbed his chin. "Hmm…I know! I'll go search for a copy of the Ars Goetia. He'd probably appreciate that."

"Ars Goetia?"

"It is an ancient book." Hsi exclaimed. "Solomon himself used the book to summon demons and spirits to help him build his famous temple…among other things. Several copies were made by powerful wizards. Nowadays people would probably think it's just junk, so if I search through an old bookstore…"

"Getting a present for your Uncle sounds easier than getting something for my Grandpa." Sandi mumbled. "He drives me nuts!"

"Well what's so bad about him?" Hao asked. "I mean, my grandpa tried to KILL my dad once. How awful could your grandpa be?"

LAST YEAR:

"Oh goodie! Christmas time again!" Sandi laughed, clapping her hands. "Maybe this year I'll finally be able to dye my hair! Or get that tattoo…" Her mother suddenly entered her room, looking serious. "What is it?" Sandi asked.

**BGM: Grandpa's Last X-Mas**

Mom saaaaiiid, "Put on your Christmas best.  
Grandpa's come to our house this year and it might be his last."

Sandi moaned "Why Mom? You say that every time.  
It seem that he's been dying…ever since I was **nine**!"

Her mom frowned, but Sandi went on.

"I don't mean no disrespect because he's old and mean.

But how come we invite him when he **always** makes a scene?!?"

Her mom looked disgruntled. "My father does NOT always make a scene."

"Tell me why does…he hit me with his cane?  
And why should I get him a gift if he don't know my name?"

"Uh…"

"And how come he always calls me "Kate"?  
And forgets his dentures on his dinner plate?"

Her mother sighed. "Look, Sandi…This could be Grandpa's last Christmas!"

That's what my Mother said!

"This could be Grandpa's last Christmas  
And soon he might be dead, so be **nice**! Be nice to Grandpa!"

Sandi followed her mother downstairs, waving quickly to her Grandpa, who didn't even notice. She followed her mom into the kitchen, almost pulling at her hair.

"But MOM! What can I say to someone 300 years old?  
When he seems so content staring at the Jello mold!"

_"Sandi!"_

"Please Mom, just let me go out and play,  
or soon I will go deaf like him from hearing him complain!"

"Sandi, your grandpa's had to put up with a lot." Sandi's mother told her. "My parents had to work very hard to support me and my family!"

Sandi groaned, banging her head on the kitchen wall. Grandpa wheeled in on his wheelchair, drool hanging low from his mouth.

"I know, his life's been long and hard…  
and he deserves some quiet peace…in a nice graveyard!"

"SANDI!"

Grandpa blinked. "Arctic Banana?"

"Look, Grandpa… I love you just the same…but I know you won't be happy 'til you drive us all insane!"

"Sandi! For shame! This might be Grandpa's last Christmas!"

That's what my Mother said!

"This could be Grandpa's last Christmas,  
And soon he might be dead, so be NICE!  
Be nice to Grandpa!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Sandi muttered, walking out of the kitchen. "Cuz he's old...and he smells…and he's gonna die soon..."be nice to Grandpa"."

Suddenly there came a loud "CRASH" from the kitchen. "Dad, don't throw the dinner plates!"

"BUBBLY DUCK!"

"DAD, NOT THE TREE!"

PRESENT:

Hsi, Jade and Hao all took it all in.

"Er…"

"Uh…"

"…okay, you win. Your grandpa was worse." Hao conceded.

"Is he dead yet?" Hsi asked.

"No." Sandi mumbled.

Hsi suddenly took off. Jade blinked. "Where do you think he's going?"

MEANWHILE…

Valmont was looking at a sleek, reliable piece of machinery that, it could be argued, all men needed. No, not a remote. A gun.

"Why are you going to buy a gun for Christmas?" Bai Tsa asked Valmont.

"It's not for me, it's for Sandi." He said.

Bai Tsa was pretty sure that girls as young as Sandi couldn't use weapons like that. "Isn't that illegal?"

"Not as of last week."

"Oh. Right. I can't keep up with all these liberal policies that keep getting passed here in San Francisco…"

Valmont paid the man at the counter for the .45 automatic and held it in his hands. It was gift-wrapped AND in a box. "Do you know how often people used to break into my parent's house?"

Bai Tsa shrugged.

"Many, many times. We were always rich, and being rich carries a curse…for there are always those who envy us. We were robbed several times, once on…on Christmas. I'll never forget it, waking up to find someone making off with all the presents that I had while he shot out the window…"

Bai Tsa felt a pang of pity rise in her. Christmas was supposed to be the one day on Earth where all beings were at peace with each other. Only humans and the worst of the worst broke that rule.

"So I'm buying a gun for Christmas. That way Sandi can protect herself." Valmont explained as they sat down to get a drink at the Orange Julius. "What do you plan on buying your family?"

"…hmm…I know! I'll get them some pets. Cuttlefish!"

Valmont blinked slowly. "Cuttlefish."

"Yep! They're very fascinating creatures." Bai Tsa told him.

"What if they don't like the cuttlefish as pets?"

"Then we can have a seafood fry-up." Bai Tsa said.

"…uh…I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back…"

As he went into the bathroom with the gun, (which he'd taken out of the box), he found that the Enforcers were also in the bathroom. How could he tell? The stalls were all taken, and after being around all four of them for so long, Valmont could recognize their voices, their shoes, and their smells. Especially Ratso's. He didn't like taking baths.

He went up to the urinal, a few urinals away from a man with fringy black hair that hung down. The man was pudgy, and had a mustache. He looked a lot like…

"Oh, you're Ron Jeremy!" He realized.

"Yeah. And you're Julian Valmont, right? I've heard a lot about you. You're one of the richest men in San Francisco!"

Valmont smiled. "Well, I don't like to brag, but…sayyyyy…you've got a nice shaft." He remarked.

"Thanks. I like yours too. Uh…can I touch it?" Mr. Jeremy asked.

"Only if I can touch yours."

The Enforcers ran out of the bathroom, screaming. Ron and Julian looked at them leaving and shrugged. Then Julian handed Ron the gun, while Ron handed Julian a new golf club he'd bought.

Well, what did you THINK they were talking about?

MEANWHILE…

"Well, this is easy." Tso said, with Dai right behind, holding all of their current presents in his arms. The problem was that the amount of the presents was disproportional to the demon in human form carrying them. Or, in layman's terms: Dai was doin' a balancing act while the presents towered over them. Shendu and Bai were also there, having managed to find THEIR gifts.

"Chan got me a wonderful present. Seeing him be beaten up by security was one of the best things I could wish for." Shendu laughed.

Suddenly Hsi approached them, panting and out of breath. "I have…a great gift idea…we could get…for Sandi. All…of us."

His siblings blinked. "What is it?" They asked. Tso suddenly realized he hadn't gotten

Sandi anything yet.

"So what shall we get her?" He inquired politely.

"Well…"

OUTSIDE…

"AUGH." Nick groaned. "Nobody's stopping to listen!" He complained. It was true. Some people were even booing. The carolers just weren't that good!

"Well what do YOU think we should sing?" The leader asked, annoyed.

Nick rubbed his chin. "Well, uh…"

"Hey! Nick!"

Nick looked up. Who of all people, but Drago and his posse? Only Drago was in human form still. And of course, his appearance made several of the women and men in the immediate area go "Ahhhhh" and "Ooooh" at the sight of his handsome face, wasboard abs, and finely developed buttocks.

That's right. Finely developed buttocks.

"Why on EARTH did you choose to use to look different?" Nick asked.

"I wanted the power that came with it. However, since I need to prove that I can be a nice guy, how about I help you all with attracting a crowd?"

"How?"

Drago whistled. Instantly his posse ran off, then came back with various rock instruments. "Shall we?" He asked.

Nick beamed. "Now this is gonna be off the hook!"

And so, a few minutes later…

"HELLO, SAN FRANSISCO!" Nick yelled into a microphone as a large crowd had gathered outside. The posse had set up a huge stage and were all on different instruments. Drago and Strikemaster Ice were on electric guitars, DJ Cobra was on the drums, and MC Fist was on the bass. The carolers had grabbed instruments like trumpets and cymbals since they were interested in contributing as well. "LET'S ROCK AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE! ONE, TWO, HERE WE GOOOOO!"

And so it began!

**BGM: Oi to the World, as sung by No Doubt**

_Haji was a punk just like any other boy__,  
And he never had no trouble till he started up his oi band,  
Safe in the garage or singing in the tub,  
Till Haji went too far and he plugged in at the pub! _

T'was a cold Christmas eve when Trevor and the skins  
Popped in for a pint and to nick a back of crisps!  
Trevor liked the music but not the unity,  
He unwound Haji's turban and he knocked him to his knees!

If God came down on Christmas day,  
I know exactly what he'd say!  
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-  
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!

Haji was a bloody mess, he ran out through the crowd,  
He said "we'll meet again we are bloody, not unbowed"!  
Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet:  
Christmas day, on the roof, down at 20 Oxford street!

If God came down on Christmas day  
I know exactly what he'd say!  
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-  
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!

On the roof with the nun chucks Trevor broke a lot of bones…  
But Haji had a sword like that guy in Indiana Jones!

Police sirens wailing, a bloody dying man,  
Haji was alone and abandoned by his band!  
Trevor was there fading and still so full of hate…  
When the skins left him there and went down the fire escape! 

_  
Oi! Oi! _

But then Haji saw the North Star shining more than ever,  
So he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor!  
They repelled down the roof with the rest of the turban,  
And went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon!

If God came down on Christmas day,  
I know exactly what he'd say!  
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-  
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins! 

_If God came down on Christmas day,  
I know exactly what he'd say!  
He'd say "Oi" to the punks… "Oi" to the skins-  
"Oi" to the world and everybody wins!_

_  
Oi! Oi!_

The crowd burst into applause. The posse all bowed. Nick looked over at Drago. "Have you ever considered a career in music?" He asked.

Drago thought about this. "Hmm…actually, when I was younger, I wanted to be Elvis. I would be "Regent, Rock Star"."

"Your birth name's "Regent"?"

"Regent Valmont."

Nick laughed. "Ha-ha! Your mom and dad sure had high hopes! Well thanks for helping me out. Say, I almost forgot! If I saw you, I was going to give you this…"

He pulled something out from his backpack. "Here." It was a small box. "For you and your "homies" to enjoy."

Drago took it in his hands. It had a slightly messy wrapping job, but the big silver bow and hand-written Christmas card taped to it screamed "I care". He smiled warmly. "Hey…thanks. What do YOU want for Christmas?"

Nick looked back inside the mall, rubbing the back of his head. "…something you can't wrap." He finally said. "And it'll take a miracle for both of the things I want to happen…"

ELSEWHERE...DOWN IN HELL…

Lucifer was plucking away at a keyboard to a piano whilst Satan and Lillith sat on a couch in the infernal lounge they were in. He was playing a nice version of "I Saw 3 Ships".

"I saw 3 ships come sailing in on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day, I saw 3 ships come…sailin' in, on Christmas Day in the moooorning! And what was in those…ships all three, on Christmas day, on Christmas daaay, oh what was in those ships all three…"

Satan began mocking his singing by doing deliberately bad lip-syncing. Lillith started giggling. Lucifer turned around and glared. That shut them up. He went back to playing on the piano.

"On Christmas Day in the morning! The Gentle Lady and Son were there, on Christmas day, on Christmas Daaaaay, the Gentle Lady and Son were there, on Christmas…"

"PFFT!"

"Hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha!" They were now making funny faces at Lucifer, who turned around and bared his teeth. They shut up AGAIN.

"On Christmas Day in the mooorning! And let us all rejoice, okay, on Christmas yes, on Christmas day…"

The two Lord Demons began snickering madly, now mocking Lucifer by farting in sync. Don't ask how they can do it. It's a demon thing. And it was disgusting.

"And let us all rejoice okay, on Christmas day in the-"

FRAAAAAP! A huge one rippled through the room. Lucifer hopped off the chair he was in and cracked his knuckles at them. "I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE. SHUT UP!!!"

They suppressed their laughter (barely) as Lucifer turned back to the piano and hopped into the chair. Then they started laughing madly again.

"On Christmas day in the morning! Lucifer is getting pissed, on Christmas eve, on Christmas eeeeeve…"

They were STILL laughing and not paying attention. You could see Lucifer's teeth grinding.

"Lucifer is getting pissed, on this dear Christmas eeeeeve. Lucifer got up and smushed the jerks, on Christmas Eve, on Christmas Eve, Lucifer went and crushed the jerks on THIS DEAR CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE!" With that, he leapt up from his chair, grabbing the piano and hoisting it over his head. He rushed at Satan and Lillith and slammed it onto them as they screamed, burying them in the couch. Satisfied, he walked off to get a hot chocolate.

BACK INSIDE…

"Well, how did everyone do?" King asked. They'd all gathered at the main entrance. Everyone had bought gifts for one another, credit cards had been maxed out, wallets emptied, the works. Jackie however, hadn't gotten all of his gifts…

"Okay, explain again why they sicced guard dogs on you?"

"They thought I was a pervert. Then when I said "I'm not a pervert" they began asking all sorts of strange questions, like if I loved my country."

"Go on, go on." King asked, sipping some green tea.

"So I said "stop treating me like a terrorist". Then they REALLY went nuts. They made me take off my underwear!" Jackie groaned. "Then they brought the dogs out…"

"I'll have to pay them a…visit." King hissed slightly. He was so angry he didn't notice that he was cracking the cup of green tea he was drinking. It shattered in his hands. "Oops." He remarked.

Then Jade said something that made them all stop and think.

"How come there's nobody else here?" She asked.

Everyone was quiet as they looked around. The mall was…deserted. Odd.

"What time is it?" Jade asked.

Jackie checked his watch. "It's-oh dear." His eyes widened. "The mall was supposed to close early today, at…"

CLICK!

WOOMP-WOOMP-WOOMP! All the lights and power went out.

"8 PM…and it just turned 8." Jackie groaned. "Oh…bad day…"

Jade shrugged. "We're locked in, but can't one of you guys can just break a door down, right?" She asked the demon family.

The demons all looked nervously at each other. "Child, we…cannot do that." Tso spoke. "The fact is…tonight is Christmas eve, and…our powers are removed from us until after tomorrow…"

"It's part of the rules." Hao explained. "And since my powers are tied into my spirit, I can't help either."

Jade turned to Uncle, Tohru and King. "Well, what about a chi spell?" She asked.

"Uncle does not carry puffer fish in paaaants!"

"I broke my newt." Tohru mumbled.

"I'm afraid that I…" King lowered his head. "I have run out of magic power. I used it up. Today was supposed to be a day of recuperation, to get my powers back. Even we mages need to take breaks once in a while."

"Well…er…" Jade looked nervously around the dark, empty mall. "Then Nick'll have to get us out. I'll just call him up on my cell phone!"

She reached into her pocket and pulled it out. The signal was…nonexistent.

"CRAP." Jade complained. "And Nick said he was gonna meet us back at home!"

They all sat around their table, sighing. The stores were closed, they had no powers…and they were all hungry. As they sat there, waiting for sleep to overtake them, Dai Gui's stomach grumbled.

"Dai Gui is hungry!" He complained.

"So am I, but you don't hear me complaining-" Tohru began.

GRUUUUUMBLLLLLEEEE! His stomach roared even more loudly than Dai Gui's stomach. Tohru moaned and grabbed it. "You traitor you!" He yelled at it.

GRAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR! Po Kong's was just as loud. "SHUT UUUUUPPPP!!!" She yelled at it.

They all groaned as their stomachs grumbled. Where was Nick? What could they do?

Finally Shendu spoke up. "I think we should eat Chan."

"NO." King growled.

"Don't even **_think_** about it." Uncle snarled.

"Stay away from me!" Jackie said, jumping to his feet and getting into a fighting position.

"THAT'S ENOUGH." Tso shouted. It made them all jump. "Now, normally I'd love to nibble on Chan, but this is not the time or place. We're going to have to work together if we want to get something to eat." He pointed at Tohru. "You. Sumo. You and my brother Dai Gui lift that grating up." He pointed at the large grating that blocked them all from going to where the food booths were.

They walked over and tried lifting it up. But it was **very** strong.

"ERRR…CAN'T…LIFT…"

"Too…heavy! Dai Gui…losing…sight…"

"Let us help them." Tso said, walking calmly over to them. Everyone looked at each other, then nodded. They went over to different parts of the grating, doubling up in pairs again. "On the count of three!" Jackie shouted. "ONE…TWO…THREE!"

They all lifted. The grating broke. They all cheered and jumped over the counters, going into the food booths and restaurants that had been blocked off, bringing a huge feast back to their table. Soon…

"To teamwork!" Jackie said, raising a "Fruit2O" into the air. Shendu raised a "Heineken" up. "To teamwork." He agreed. Everyone clinked their drinks, and then proceeded to gorge out on corn dogs, pizza, Chinese food and burgers.

"Too bad Nick's not here!" Jade muttered, mouth half-full with General Tso's chicken.

Speaking of Nick…

Nick lay back on the couch in the living room at Valmont's house, looking at the chimney. He'd left Drago and the others with a cheery farewell and had gone back to the house, putting up stockings for everyone in the house, even the demons and himself. He now looked at the fire as it burnt slowly. He suddenly felt a sudden chill and looked outside a window…

It…it was snowing. Nick walked outside and looked up. Big flakes cascaded from the dark sky, falling down like ballerinas that were twirling from the heavens. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. Looking up into the sky, it was if little cold stars were almost falling down around him, and the effect of looking up was sort of like staring into hyperspace.

Snow. In San Fran.

"It's a miracle." He realized. God had granted one of his Christmas wishes. He instantly bolted, running as fast as his legs would take him. He found himself back at the mall after taking a late bus, and ran up to an opened door in the side. He saw the others at the food court and went up an escalator, waving his arms rapidly above his head as he approached.

"GUYS! GUYS! Look!" He pointed to his shoulders and hair as he reached the table they were all gorging themselves at. "It's SNOWING! It's really snowing!"

Jade gulped down the piece of corn dog she'd been eating. "Uh…how'd you get in?" She asked. "The mall's closed down."

Nick looked around. Sure enough, the lights and power were all off. "Oh. Well, the janitor's entrance was open. Wanna go outside?"

They all looked at each other. Then at the food in front of them.

"…you know…" Shendu said suddenly. "Let's finish up dessert first."

"Good idea." Jackie said. "Hey Nick…have some kettle-corn, we've got lots!"

Nick blinked a few times. Then he smiled broadly. "Sure." He said. "Why not?"

God had granted both of his wishes. Now how often did THAT happen?

_Yep…I'm one lucky kid…_

"You know…" Nick remarked as he sat down next to Jade and Hsi, "Christmas really brings people together. I'm glad it does."

"Still, don't expect this to be the norm." Shendu muttered. "I'm only being this nice to Chan because it's Christmas. I don't think I could stand having to LIVE with him."

"The feeling's mutual." Jackie remarked. "Still…we can have tonight, right?"

"…tonight…we can be tolerant of each other." Shendu admitted. "Now then…would you be so kind as to pass that kettle corn?"

**Author's Note:**

**I love Christmas. Why? Simple…because of what it stands for. **

**Christmas means one great thing…people joining each other and acting in the best way they could. People become the best they can be around Christmas. The good will, the caroling, the presents…all of it cultivates a general mood of "Hey, how ya doin', folks". It's a beautiful feeling. **

**And in this chapter, I also wanted to show something. That all it takes for the worst of enemies to get together is just one day, just one set of circumstances. It's a nice little picture, isn't it? All of them sitting around a mall table, eating and laughing and talking to each other. Imagine as the scene pans out, showing the mall being gently snowed upon…perfect Christmas special material. I love that sorta stuff.**

**However, this chapter is going to set up something big…something that will force several relationships to develop, and FAST. **

**What could do that? Well…**

**Ever see the Scrubs episode "My Big Bird"?...**

"Is that all?!? No evil schemes or plots? Come ON! I wanted to have some fun, I even made a **list**!" Xan complained.

"Did you...**check it twice**? Heh-heh-heh..."

"Listen "Lucy", SHADDAP."


	35. We Knew Ye Well

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR**

WE KNEW YE WELL…

Valmont glared out at everyone on the front lawn. All denizens of the home had gathered. All the demons, Sandi, Drago and his posse, Hao and the Enforcers…all of them were being looked at with utter ferocity by the blond-haired Englishman. A vein was popping out on his neck as he raised his eyebrow and spoke one thing:

"Who is responsible for this." He demanded.

They all looked at the horrible, twisted, flooded wreckage of the house that had once been Valmont Manor. It was ruined.

"**WELL**!?!" Valmont shouted.

Sandi rubbed the back of her neck. "Well…er…I guess it all, like, started when we were downstairs and stuff, playing DDR at around 10…"

Sandi and several others had been playing downstairs. Nick finished up "Burning Heat" with a mighty jump in the air, his one foot landing down on the last arrow. His melodramatic style was captivating to the eye, and even though he occasionally missed a few, he still was having a great time with the others.

"Okay, okay, who's next?" Sandi asked. "Who's gonna strut their stuff?"

She was practically glowing. Why?

LAST NIGHT:

"Like wow." She said, holding onto Shendu as they lay in Sandi's bed, looking into each other's eyes.

"Like wow?" Shendu repeated.

"Totally." She said, kissing him on his snout. He smiled.

BACK TO THE BASEMENT

Drago stepped forward. "It's my turn to give it a try. I think I'll do…uh…Butterfly."

Silence. Then…

"Butterfly?"

"Butterfly."

They all started snickering and/or laughing, except for Nick, who just smiled. "Aw, so you have a soft side after all!" He said.

"Tell anyone I like B4U and I'll eat your dripping hearts." Drago muttered. That made everyone shut up quickly.

"Hey, you should be nicer to us!" Nick said.

"Why should I put up with these dweebs?" Drago demanded to know. "Especially you poser enforcers, you couldn't even-"

"Alright that's it. Let me tell you a real story. Once upon a time there was an annoying lazy guy who never did any work and a hardworking, lovable girl who-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. The girl got rich and the other guy died a horrible death or something. Blah,blah,_blaaaah_. Can't you tell something funnier?"

"Hey, I'm trying to teach you a lesson about life values!"

"Storytelling is usually an improper technique to teach examples of real life lessons. I mean, a story is a medium that's based primarily on fiction and stories are primarily chosen for their goals, so while in the story things may go a certain way to prove a point, there's no guarantee that that actually happens in REAL life. And in the story, the narrator is controlling everything, so he can determine how the story ends, thus making storytelling a rather useless method of trying to point out real-life lessons." Sandi explained.

"…uh…er…" Drago mumbled.

"…what was that?" Nick asked.

"WOW. You're smarter than I thought you were." Strikemaster Ice exclaimed.

"HEY!" Sandi shouted. "What's THAT supposed to-"

RIIIING!

Everyone blinked. Someone at the door? Sandi walked upstairs and answered the front door. A portly man in blue overalls with a bright yellow shirt stood there. He hada cap on his head, a huge tool-belt and thick boots to boot! He also had a large mustache that was all spiky and jagged. He had an assistant who had a mustache of a "dastardly" nature, he was very tall and thin, with a hook-like nose. He had dark blue overalls and a purple shirt.

"Uh…can I help you?" Sandi asked.

"We're the Martinet Plumbing Bros. Nice to meetcha, sweetcheeks." The fattest one spoke in a deep, sorta cackling voice.

Sandi looked a bit offended. "Hey, like don't call me "sweetcheeks", **lardo**!"

"Can we just come in, huh? We gotta job to do, that's what yer dad Valmont paid us for." The other one spoke. He had a high-pitched sort of voice. Sandi shrugged and let them inside. Nick and Drago had also arrived in the main hall and saw them enter. "Now then, could you two fine gentlemen direct us to the where yeh put the boiler?" The tall one asked.

Nick shrugged. "Sure, right this way." He said, leading them to a nearby closet. He opened it up, revealing a stairway down to the boiler room. "Right in here. Down there's where all the plumbing goes and stuff." Nick said. They nodded and walked on down. Then, at that moment…

"Guys! Guys!"

They all looked up and saw Hsi sliding down the banister. He leapt off of it at the very end, landing deftly on his feet. He had a newspaper in his hand. "The Super Lotto Jackpot is up to 100 million dollars!" He exclaimed. "And Xiao bought me twenty tickets for us to split! I'm gonna be rich! RICH!"

"What are you gonna do with 100 million dollars?" Nick asked.

WHAT HE WOULD DO:

"Oh, I can't believe that you two are gonna have a KID!" Nick exclaimed to Hsi in the backyard of the mansion. "Jade must be so happy! Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Both…and we're both feeling great about this!" Hsi admitted. "I can't believe she really said yes to me on that day…it all seems so far away from now…almost unreal…but it happened, and it was beautiful…"

"Well she absolutely loved your gift." Nick admitted. "Diamonds are forever!"

Jade held up a diamond the size of a small dog up. She was wearing it around her neck. "Too much bling?" She asked Drago and his posse, who shook their heads and gave her a thumbs-up each.

PRESENT:

"Oh, I'd find something." Hsi told them.

"I wonder what Xiao would do…" Nick wondered.

WHAT XIAO WOULD DO:

"Well Mr. Xiao…" A white-haired man handed Xiao the keys to a very big mansion with a HUGE and impressively beautiful estate. There was a pool, tennis courts, a petting zoo (and cemetery), an aviary, a wishing-well…even a waterfall! "It's all yours!" He then nodded and left, walking out the front gate.

Xiao turned and looked at the mansion. Out from the front door came several dozen lovelies who were wearing next to nothing, along with some sexy-looking menservants. Xiao grinned. "All riiiight!" He exclaimed, going into the zoo with them all, punching the air over and over. "_**It's goin' down**_!"

Shot pans out to the front gate of the mansion's driveway. On the front gate are the words "Playboy Mansion".

PRESENT:

"…er…than again…"

"Perhaps we'd better not ask. Anyway, Xiao's at the hospital with Bai. He's training her to be a nurse."

Drago raised an eyebrow. "My aunt, a NURSE?"

"Yeah. She said she wanted to try her hand at making people feel better."

MEANWHILE…AT THE HOSPITAL…

"Well I sure feel a LOT better!" The man remarked after Bai Tsa and he left the supply closet. "Thanks." He told Bai, who winked and smiled.

"No problem Mr. Foster. Now you'd better go back and check up on your son in the ICU." She waved goodbye to the handsome man just as Xiao approached with Nurse Sky Dog right behind.

"Bai-Michelle, what are you DOING!?!"

"What? I was treating his kid and he said he was feeling lonely because "Millie isn't with me". Apparently Millie was his wife. And I felt he was lonely like I was, so we started talking about the things our significant others used to do."

"Like what?" Nurse Sky Dog asked, crossing his arms.

"Well, Hwang liked to paint pictures of me in the nude…and he also liked swimming with me. He REALLY liked home-cooking too. And when I mentioned swimming, Mr. Foster said that he LOVED swimming, that he'd been a swimming champ in, uh, "Middle Rock High School" I believe. So before you know it…"

She then licked her lips. "Woo! He was AMAZING. I know I shouldn't be doing tongues before ten, but…wow!"

"Corey, tell your sister to keep her legs together. And do it with **THIS** face." Nurse Sky Dog pointed at his face and gave his fiercest, harshest Native American glare. He then left. "Corey" shook his head. "Sister, what do we keep telling you? Keep it under control! I thought you'd changed!"

"I have! This feels different! We're really connecting! Yeah sure, he has a son…"

"And a wife who's visiting TODAY."

Bai Tsa went pale. "Wh-what? But he said…"

"His wife wasn't with him because she was at a meeting of her chorus club. They're on their way here to sing for her son!" Xiao moaned. He shoved his snazzy metal clipboard in her face. "Look, I wrote it down from the schedule!"

Bai looked it over. She gaped. "Oh f—k! I recognize the last names of like…a dozen of these women in the chorus club!"

Xiao raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"Because-"

Suddenly a piercing, horrible shriek erupted from the end of the hallway. _**"YOU WHOOOOOOORE!!!" **_

Bai Tsa bolted as a dozen women ran after her, screaming at her and swearing to "gut the whore" for sleeping with their husbands. Xiao ran after them, yelling "wait, wait, no running in the hospital!"

MEANWHILE…

Po Kong's stomach grumbled. "…I'm hungry." She remarked. "I'm gonna get something to eat. I feel like a triple-decker burger." She left the basement for the kitchen, opening up the huge fridge, only to find…

"DISGUSTING!" She yelled. Hao had followed her, in the mood for a beer. He was talking on his cell phone.

"Oh, "Tony", "Tony", what am I gonna do with you? I told you, I sent over that package. Yeah, yeah, sure thing "Redgrave". I'll be glad to see you later on, okay? Give Trish and Lucia a hug for me, actually give Trish a kiss, she's one hot-well sheesh, no need to go below the belt, PU$$Y. I mean come on! Oh wait…Mary's there? Oops, uh…okay, tell them it was just a joke. I don't want her to blow me up."

Hao looked the contents of the fridge over.

"Hmm…Valmont needs to clear out his fridge."

"Helloooooo? TMI! And the leftovers are NOT that old!" Sandi defended, walking in.

"There is an _arrowhead_ in the guacamole."

"Oh come ON!"

"The peach cobbler's got green fuzz."

Sandi rolled her eyes. "PFFT!"

Po Kong suddenly leapt back, shrieking. Sandi tossed her a look. "What?"

"The Shepherd's Pie growled at me!"

Sandi moaned, slapping her forehead. "Fine. I'll like, clean out the fridge, GAWD!"

She walked over to the sink and kneeled down, opening up the cabinet. "Guys, get in here and help me out!" She called out. The Enforcers immediately bolted into the room, saluting. "Like, at ease. Come on, let's totally go to town on the leftovers!" She handed them each a sponge and paper towels, and then got out a huge bucket. She turned on the water…

Nothing. Hmm.

"Oh, right! The plumbers are still downstairs. Well, you'll just have to wait for us to finish cleaning before you can eat anything, Po." Sandi told Po Kong.

Po Kong groaned. "No way! I REFUSE to wait to eat! I'm going out!" She promptly stomped off, grabbing Hao by the ear. "You're driving me to Mickey D's!"

"AAAA!" He yelled. "Help meeeee!" Naturally, nobody listened.

Elsewhere in the house…

Not everyone had been playing DDR. Tso was taking off his clothes as he emerged slowly from his bed, yawning and in demon form. To fit into the shower, he took his human form and entered carefully, a single white towel wrapped around his waist. He tried to turn the water on…nothing. Hmm.

"Odd." He remarked.

In the room next to it, Dai Gui had a bathroom in his room. He was groaning horribly inside. "Ohhhhh…oh mother, OHHHH…" He'd eaten too much junk food last night…he was sure that those fried clam strips had done the most damage. He held his stomach as he rocked back and forth in front of the toilet. Oh, the pain!

Finally it happened. A tango with the toilet. Worshipping the porcelain god. A multicolor yawn. He let out a "gau-guuh", got on his knees in front of the toilet and…insert your favorite term for "puking" here.

Drago shrugged his shoulders downstairs. "Well, I'm off. I've got…things to take care of. Come on, home-boys. Let's bounce."

His posse left with him out the front door. Shendu left as well, not bothering to say where he was going. Nick scratched his head as he and the Sky Demon watched them leave. "Now where do you think THEY'RE going?" He asked.

AS IT WERE:

RIIIIING!

Jade answered the door of the antiques shop. Jackie and Uncle were at an antique fair, and Tohru was in the kitchen, making lunch for Jade. He was trying to use magic to do it, and was succeeding very well, it was like something from out of "The Sword in the Stone". With a few waves of his newt and some chants, a nice little two-course meal had been set up on the kitchen table, all the plates and silverware down…and the spell had even folded the napkin into a little bow. Shin, as it were, was staying with the Chans. Naturally, this drove Uncle insane to no end.

Tohru however, quickly found that Shin was of great use. He even knew Japanese spells for getting rid of household pests.

Although this HAD backfired.

HOW:

"All right." Shin said, raising his hands and putting them together. "Nukeru, He Men Jaaku, Nukeru He Men Jaaku…"

Instantly a "BANG" resulted from the mousehole, and many mice scurried out, running out of it, out of the kitchen, right out of the antiques store as Tohru opened the door for them. "Phew. That takes care of our mice problem."

BEEP-BEEP!

Suddenly a motorcycle swerved to avoid hitting the mice. He fell off the cycle, which flew into the window of the antiques store.

"Oh dear." Shin remarked.

PRESENT:

As for the front door, well…

There, beaming in a charming fashion, was Drago with his posse. "Hey, babe." He remarked, smiling broadly. "Cutie's here!"

"…what do you want?" Jade wanted to know.

"I told you, I'm a good guy now. I just want to have some fun, hang out with you a little. Nothing else." Drago insisted.

Jade looked him over. Those eyes…so deeply entrancing…

"All right." She let him in. "Tohru! We've got company! "Big D" and his friends." She snickered at that last bit.

Tohru groaned. "Oh, not them…" But he began spellcasting again.

Jade turned to the others. "Anyhow, while he's working on that…" She jabbed her thumb at a huge, old poker table near the corner. "Wanna play poker?" She asked.

Drago grinned. "Sure. But I should warn you Jade…I won't go easy on you."

"That's alright. But you might ME to go easy on YOU."

"Why?

"We're playing _strip_ poker."

A crash of plates could be heard from the kitchen along with a deep and loud "AAAIIIAAAHHHH".

DOWN THE STREET…

Shendu entered the store and went up to the counter. "Excuse me." He asked the man behind it. "I'd…I'd like to know where the uh…the…"

"Condoms?"

"No, no, we've got those."

"The other thing?"

"No, the other, OTHER thing."

"Oh, oh. Aisle Six."

Shendu walked through Aisle Six, looking at the various boxes. Which one, which one?

Eventually, the plumbers left the basement. "Well, it's all set. We got 'er done." The fat one spoke, tugging on his cap. "Now me and my bro gotta get goin'. We'll send yer dad the bill."

They left, and as they did, Nick and the Sky Demon gasped at the HUGE plumber's crack that the fat one had. "EWWWWW!!!" Nick screamed. "GROSS!" He ran down into the boiler room.

"I'm…going to wash out my eyes with the hose…and some strong soap." Hsi said, walking into the hall closet and pulling out some anti-septic before walking out the door to go to the outdoor hose. And at the moment that he turned IT on…

"Okay, they should be done. Let's get started." Sandi said, turning the kitchen sink on to fill the bucket up.

Upstairs…

"Will this shower not turn on!?!" Tso growled, wrenching the handle one more time.

"Finally…done…" Dai moaned, pulling down the handle on the toilet to flush.

DOWNSTAIRS, IN THE BASEMENT…

"Ah, finally. A moment to myself." King said, going over to a nearby water cooler and pulling down the "hot" tab to pour himself some green tea.

KA-FWOOOOOOOSH!

Water erupted from the walls of every bathroom, shooting out from the hose and striking Hsi, sending him flying through the air and into a neighbor's property. The force of the shock reverted him into demon form, and he found himself in a Jacuzzi. "Ooh! _Nice_!" He remarked. Then he realized there were two people in it, looking at him.

"AAA! GIANT BAT!"

Hsi was promptly dunked under the water by the protective husband over and over as his arms flailed wildly. And speaking of flailing wildly, King was being drenched by water as he desperately tried to stop the water with his magic, only he couldn't get a single spell out. Finally he bolted for the door, only to find that the stairs had been washed away…

"Oh dear." He groaned.

Meanwhile, Bai Tsa had run for her life through the hospital parking lot, desperate to get away. However, just before she could reach the bus stop…

BLAM! A car suddenly slammed into her from the side, reducing her to a puddle. The crowd of angry women chorus members who had been chasing her watched as a tentacle Medusa-style water demon emerged from the puddle, groaning in pain as the guy who'd driven the car into her bolted. She saw them looking at her and gulped.

"Look, I…I made mistakes. I was lonely because…because I'd lost my one true love to death a long time ago. So…I devoted myself to one-night stands to fill the gap somehow. But I swear Mrs. Foster, I didn't…uh…I think it's "tongue-bang" with your husband because of that. I realized recently that my old love would have wanted me to find someone to care for me, and that's why I hit it off with your husband…because he seemed so much like me. Besides, he said you "were no longer with us", so it's a simple misunderstanding. The best thing we can do now…" She spread out her arms. "Is to just walk away with our dignity intact…right?'

The chorus members were silent. Then Millie spoke.

"Do you know what I do to whores?"

Bai's eyes went wide. From behind the chorus of women, Xiao gulped.

"I punch them in the face."

Bai cracked her knuckles and made the "come on" gesture. "Then BRING it, BITCH! BRING IT!"

Long story short...they both brought it. And, as evidenced by those who saw a tied-up, duct tape-over-mouth, dangling Bai Tsa who was stuck in a fish net hanging over a restaurant with a sign nearby that said "SEAFOOD SPECIAL TODAY: WHORE"…Millie brought it harder.

ELSEWHERE…

"Ah, at last. McDonalds." Po Kong said as they approached the drive-up order box in Hao's red, white and blue sports car.

"Hi." Hao said. "I'd like six Big Macs, five French fry orders, and four Pepsis."

"Szzz bgg maxxxx, fiv fren frzzz, fur ppp-zzzzs…"

"No, six Big Macs, five French fries, four Pepsis." Hao repeated.

"Szzz bgg maxxxx, fiv fren frzzz, fur ppp-zzzzs…"

"NO! I said, six Big Macs, five French fries and four Pepsis!" Hao shouted.

"Szzz bgg maxxxx, fiv fren frzzz, fur ppp-zzzzs…"

"AAAAARRRRGGHHH! SON OF…ADAM!" Hao shouted, honking the horn. "I want my order, darn it!"

"Sorry, hold on." A different voice from the order box. "Here, tell me your order, sir."

Hao sighed. "I'd like six Big Macs, five French fries and four Pepsis."

"Right. Five tacos and three Chicken nugget orders."

Hao blinked. "I didn't order five tacos and three chicken nuggets. I want six Big Macs, five French fries and four Pepsis, miss!"

"Would you like Ranch Dressing with your salad?"

"I didn't order a salad!" Hao shouted angrily.

"We don't make seafood salads."

Hao's head hit the wheel over and over and over. "I coulda sworn I deserved a break today!" He moaned.

"Your total will be $104.98. Go to the second drive-thru window."

AT THE ANTIQUE'S SHOP…

DJ Fist put down his hand. Then so did MC Cobra. Drago was next, followed Tohru, then by Jade. Only Strikemaster Ice was left. The rules of the game were simple: if you had the worst hand…off with our clothes!

"Okay pepperoni boy, let's see 'em!" Tohru snickered. He was still in most of his clothes, he'd only had to take off his socks and his shoes. Jade had done AMAZINGLY well, she hadn't had to take off anything. Drago had had to take off his shirt, shoes and socks. MC Fist and DJ Cobra had been forced to take off their shoes, socks and shirt as well. But poor Strikemaster Ice had been forced to take off his pants. He was only wearing his underwear right now. Shin had joined in, he'd been forced to take off his shirt. He was pretty good at this game…seeing as he knew when the others were bluffing. (Shh. Don't tell _nobody_!)

Stirkemaster Ice groaned and put down his hand. Jack diddly.

"AAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

"WOOP!"

"Hee-hee-hee!"

"Okay, come on now, take 'em off." Shin told him.

"But they're **_company property_**!" Strikemaster Ice whined.

Tohru pulled out his newt and pointed it in a threatening manner at Strikemaster Ice, who groaned, not wanting to be turned into a toad. He reached down and after fiddling around for a little bit…

WOOOOOOO-OOOP!

Fwip. He tossed a pair of "24 Hour Pizza" underpants onto the table. Tohru began chuckling madly while Jade and Shin commented "Nice". MC Fist and DJ Cobra chuckled too, then stopped when they made eye contact. They then both dove for the underpants, with MC Fist being the one who grabbed them away.

Meanwhile…

"Hmm…" Shendu said, turning the box over and over in his hand. "Simple and Safe, Women's Choice Pregnancy Tests are always accurate". Okay, fine." He brought it back to the counter. "I'll buy it. How much?"

"Oh, hold on." The man at the counter said. "The cash register computer crashed." He looked at his watch. "I've got to wait ten minutes for it to reboot."

Shendu groaned and tapped his foot. He hoped Sandi was having a better time than he was.

"Come on, hurry! Hurry!" Sandi shouted, desperately ramming the front door with the others. They'd pulled King out of the basement, which was now totally flooded. Finally they succeeded, and collapsed on the grass outside just as the house let out a huge groan, and then…moments later…

It was like…well, like nothing they'd ever seen. The whole house exploded slightly, bursting out water everywhere, soaking everyone. Then it flopped to the ground, a sad, washed-up pathetic sight. It was like someone had taken a piece of paper, wadded it up under a faucet, then tossed it to the ground to lie there and dissolve. There were various "clink-clink" sounds coming from it as several bricks fell down onto the grass.

Sandi's mouth was so wide open that you could have fit a bowling ball into it. "My…my hooooouse? Like…no waaaaay!!!" She wailed, grabbing the sides of her head. "NOOOOOO!!!"

As everyone groaned and moaned and complained about being on the front lawn, a car drove up…and it was none other than Valmont. When he saw the wreckage…

"Oh dear." King said, plugging is ears. As Ferris Beuller had said…here's the part where he goes berserk.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"_

And so…

"So after you came, you called everyone else up and we came here."

"So…" Valmont rubbed his temples. "Let me see if I have this right…in the end, when my house started exploding with water…

The magus and the bat were SWIMMING…

(Shot of Hsi being dunked over and over and King doing the doggy paddle in the basement)

The two devoted brothers were in the bathroom…

(Shot of Dai and Tso in their bathrooms, one on the toilet, one angrily turning the handle over and over)

The fatty and the vigilante were stuck in the drive-thru…

(Shot of Po Kong and Hao yelling and screaming at the drive-up box at McDonalds)

The froggy was trying to untie his incapacitated fishy sister…

(Shot of Xiao trying to jump up and grab Bai Tsa's tied-up form in the fishing net)

The new guys were playing strip poker…

(Shot of Drago laughing madly, spinning his shirt around in the air with everyone else, save for Strikemaster Ice who had dove for his pants)

My daughter's demon lover was getting a PREGNANCY TEST…

(Shot of Shendu banging his head on the counter as the guy tried to input in the price to the register and kept pushing the wrong button)

And what was happening to my **house**? It was falling to pieces right in front of my employees and my daughter!

(Shot of Sandi and the Enforcers watching in horror as jets of water burst forth from the walls all around them. They grab each other and scream.)

…so how did I do!?!" Valmont demanded to know. **"Did I get everything!?!"**

Everyone looked down at the grass. Then, finally…

"Wait…where on Earth is Nick?" Valmont realized.

Suddenly everyone gasped…Nick had been in the boiler room when…

"**NICK!"** They all turned to the wreckage and ran to it, throwing chunks of wood and plaster aside, desperately searching. Finally they heard a cry…

"SHORYUKEN!"

And FA-WOOOOSH! His burning with a fiery aura that carried him out of the wreckage and onto the ground, Nick landed on his feet in full martial arts gear. Everyone was amazed.

"How on Earth? I thought his powers were gone!"

King rubbed his chin. "Only the natural powers. His martial arts skills and the enhancements he seems to have received through that garb remain…good, good, he's not out of the game yet. Still…it's a miracle he's alive!"

This was true. Nick dusted himself off and coughed up some plaster. "HAA-HAACK! HAAACK! S-Sorry guys…I was stuck in the boiler room when it happened…and it's a good thing too!"

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. "Why would you think THAT?!?" Valmont wanted to know.

Nick held up something that he took out of his pocket. It was a small pile of screws and bolts that had been removed from the plumbing. "Those two plumbers were FAKE! They went to town on our boiler!" He said, showing them the evidence. "Plus, I remembered seeing what their van looked like before they took off and before I went down into the boiler…the number on it was fake! That number's supposed to be for the hospital Xiao works at, I know because I've called it so many times to check up on him."

Valmont rubbed his chin. "Working from the assumption that the plumbers were real, there was nothing any of you could have done to stop the plumbing from going out of control!" He told them all. "So I guess that leads us to…those Martinet Bros."

Shendu grinned evilly. "Dead animal on their lawn?"

"No." King said. "Actually, I was thinking of something…ironic…"

HALF AN HOUR LATER, AT THE NEAREST BAR…

"And crowds are now arriving on the scene of a huge explosion that has resulted in the absolute destruction of this house. Apparently the whole place flooded over in minutes, as if, according to it's occupants, the Martinet Bros, "by magic". The Martinet Bros's property, what little is left of it, has been seized by the police force as they are going to stand trial for willful destruction of property and endangerment of-"

The gang all turned to each other and clinked their glasses filled with their respective drinks. "To bad plumbers!"

"And plumbers cracks!" Xiao cackled.

"Uh, maybe not to that."

King suddenly approached them. He had a dark green toothpick in his mouth and moved it to the side as he grinned in a frightening fashion. "Wait, wait, how about a toast to the good old Valmont mansion and all the happy memories it had for us?" He asked.

Everyone looked at him. Sandi groaned. "King, it wasn't our fault!"

King shook his head. "No…because Nick found out the truth. You know as well as I do that if you hadn't gotten lucky then it would have been all of your faults in some way…"

They gang stopped drinking. They looked down at the table or right at King.

"Anyhow…" He gave them all a wry smile. "Have a nice time. I'm going over to Uncle's Rare Finds. Apparently we're all going to be staying there for a LONG time…at least, until Mr. Valmont's house gets rebuilt."

Shendu buried his head in his arms. "CHAAAAAN…"

Nick, watching the whole thing from outside the bar grinned and sipped his root beer. He then walked off, heading for the bus which would take him to the antique's shop, to Jade, to Jackie, to Tohru, to Uncle…to home.

It really WOULD have been all of their faults if not for him and those plumbers, he realized to himself. And he hoped they'd learned something.

**BGM: Sad instrumental theme music from "Scrubs"**

_It's not easy hearing someone say "You screwed up"…especially when it's true._

_And when that happens, you have to learn from it. Because if you don't learn from your mistakes…_

_You could end up losing something very precious._

(Shot of Drago and the posse sitting at a table across from Valmont, who gives them an angry glare and walks off.)

_Be it trust…_

(Shot of the demons all looking down at the ground, each of them thinking of the mansion, all depressed.)

_A place you called home…_

(Shot of Sandi hugging Shendu and crying. He holds her gently, comforting her as a picture of her and her dad after in front of the mansion is shown on the table, taken from her wallet. They'd just moved in.)

_Or a symbol of good times and happy memories._

Nick is now shown on the roof of the antique's shop. Jade is next to him, looking up at the stars with him.

_Or worse…all of those…like I felt. _

_Ultimately, the only thing you can take with you is hope…_

_The hope that it won't ever, ever happen again…_

**Author's Note:**

**This was a nice little "home front" idea that I had had brewing in my head for a while. After all, you can't be saving the world ALL the time. Also, it's gonna force personalities to clash. Can Jackie and Shendu stand to be within fifteen feet of each other? Will it end in tragedy? Will this work out for the better?...only time can tell. Read and review, folks! Tell me what you think!**


	36. South Africa

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE**

SOUTH AFRICA

Drew left his house, rubbing the sore mark on his cheek. He felt a tear slowly go down his cheek. He couldn't wait for the day that his f—kin' pops got a cap put in his ass. And Drew wanted to be the one to do it…or SOMETHING along those lines.

"Don'tcha give me no sass, I'll bust a cap in yo' ass…" He sang to himself (to get cheered up) as he walked up to the mailbox, opening it to check for the contents, which were junk, catalogs, more ju-

A letter…and that familiar swirling of a signature on the front…

"Grandpa!" He shouted happily, opening it up. "Awesome!" Grandpa had sent him plane tickets, one so that he to visit him and another so that he could then go back to San Fran once the visit was finished. He LOVED seeing Grandpa. After all, a weekend away from the folks was a weekend away form the folks, and more importantly, it was a weekend away from being belted. His Grandpa also happened to be a famous archaeologist and studier of Ashanti artifacts who had gained fame by speaking out during the Apartheid era in South Africa. (Amazingly, he had survived.)

"This is gonna be f—kin' sweeeeet. This s—t is off the hook! I'd better call my homies and tell them I'm goin' to…"

"So THIS is South Africa." Nick said.

The place was bustling, BUSTLING. They were in the center of Johannesburg, a thriving city of South Africa and the largest city in all of the country. It was the scene of a lot of history, as Uncle explained to everyone. He'd followed the Apartheid business quite closely, and had been thoroughly appalled at the whole business.

Uncle, Jade, Hsi, Nick, El Toro, Paco, Xiao and Drago (with his posse) had gone down to South Africa to look for the bell piece, deciding that the best way to make things right again and to bring order back to the increasingly chaotic world was to work together. Although Shendu had protested at first…

"I will NOT work with Chan! I'm sickened enough of having to sleep on that stupid fold-out couch in the living room at the chi wizard's house!" He'd growled.

"Shendu, you're going to have to learn to work with those you hate." Sandi had told him. "We're like, totally fighting for a common goal and stuff."

"I thought you said you didn't like the chi wizard." Shendu mumbled. "You said he "smelled of beans"."

"Stop riding me!" Sandi snapped.

"That's not what you said last night!" Shendu laughed.

"King, can you turn him into a toad?" Sandi asked, turning to the noble snake.

"Sure…it's a simple matter." King responded, rubbing his scaly chin.

"How does your magic work?" Sandi asked.

King smiled gently. "Well you see, the kind of magic I use is magic of the elements, much like the powers Nick had before he gave them up to save your life. However my powers are not merely based on the control of elements, but also incorporate the use of the Earth's large amount of magic that courses through all life."

"ALL life?"

"Yes, everyone is magical. Most just need tools to draw it out. A magus, a sorcerer, a wizard like myself is able to do magic without tools. Using the spirit of the Earth and combining it will the power of the elements enable us to use magic freely. It's different from Alchemy, which is quicker to summon and can be used by more people, but I don't trust it… my magic doesn't adhere to any natural laws like Alchemy."

"I happen to know some myself." Uncle admitted. "I can make transmutation circles quite well."

"…if only it could bring back the dead, though." King lamented. "Many people died before my eyes over the years…good people. Decent people. Innocents. Alchemy cannot bring the dead back without…certain things. And my magic is not related to life…it follows a different path. I am amazed Nick did what he did, it was simply miraculous to bring back a soul to a human body while healing that broken body at the same time…"

Sandi scratched her head. "Well, what's a human body made up of anyway? Why can't people just…er…what's the term?"

"Transmute." Uncle said.

"Why can't you transmute someone?"

"…water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters, Lime 1.5 kilograms. Phosphorous 800 grams, Salt 250 grams, Niter 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams, Fluorine, 7.5 grams, Iron 5 grams. Silicon, 3 grams and 15 various other elements in small quantities… those items are the chemical make-up of the average human adult." Uncle explained.

"Yet there's never been successful human transmutations…that humanity RECORDED, anyhow." King said. "Though, maybe somewhere else…"

"Definitely somewhere else." Nick said out loud. "The thing is, you have to bind a person's soul to the body, don't you? And besides the effort it takes to create a human body in all its entirety, it also takes an incredibly strong heart to bind a human soul to something…"

"You have that strong heart, an undefeated heart." King said. "What you did goes beyond Alchemy though, beyond magic, beyond science, into something else. Now then, shall I turn the Fire Demon into a green or a blue toad?"

"Can you make him _pink_? Sandi asked.

Shendu protested. "Hold on, hold on. FINE. I'll go look for the bell pieces…but I do NOT want to go if Chan is going!"

Sandi had promptly grabbed him by the neck and had pulled him down to eye level. "If you don't work together with Mr. Chan, I'm gonna stop havin' sex with you."

"All right, all right, I'll work with them!" Shendu had shouted. Valmont, incidentally, had had a heart attack a moment after she said that sex comment and the Enforcers and Bai rushed him to the hospital.

PRESENT…

"So, uh…explain again what Apartheid was." Xiao wanted to know from Nick while Uncle began lecturing them on the different sights. It was like he was a tour guide who was deaf to everyone but himself. Indeed…age is a cruel, cruel thing.

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain, but I'll try." Nick cleared his throat. "You see, after World War II, a bunch of Nazi sympathizers in South Africa took control of the country and decided to systematically put down all resistance until eventually there would be "No Black South Africans" anymore. They created dozens of rules forcing blacks to work in specific places, that banned them from comingling with whites, kept them from moving up in the social ladder, and in the meantime sent hundreds to prison and killed hundreds more for protesting. People were dying all around you on a daily basis. The African National Congress, the main resistance, rallied around one of their best leaders, a man named Nelson Mandela, who continued to inspire people even though he'd been in prison since 1963. Eventually the Apartheid government's cruel treatment of blacks and those whites who tried to defend them came to an end when the ANC regained power and Nelson Mandela was freed from prison. In free elections he became the first president of the United States and brought the country back from the brink after much blood and toil. He was in prison for 27 years before being released, and he's now a symbol of overcoming the most extreme of human governing systems…fascism."

"…I thought priests and monks were the most extreme of humans." Xiao muttered. "Christians are **crazy**."

"Hey, fascists and Christian monks and priests are **_very_** different people." Nick defended. "Fascists dress in black and brown and going around telling people what to do whereas…priests and monks…er...uh…"

Up in Heaven…

Michael suddenly shuddered.

"What is it, brother?" Uriel asked.

"I sense…a disturbance!"

Back down on Earth…

"Um, how about we talk about this later…" Nick said.

"Oh, alright."

"Just remember, this IS a fantasy quest we're all on." Nick told them all. "Just remember, we're gonna encounter random adventures and stuff all the time. Usually we just gotta wait for the _deus ex machina_ to happen-"

"Huh?"

"Basically, the answer the heroes are looking for appears out of the sky or hits them in the-"

"Oh GOD." Uncle suddenly shouted.

There, being filmed by a film crew, was an angry white man who was, as evidenced by his uniform, purple face and bellowing tirades, was an ex-supporter of Apartheid. Apparently he was doing a public access channel bit on the "mongrelization of the Aryan race" and the "invasion of the dark blight" upon South Africa. When he got to the point about how things would have been better off for the blacks in South Africa under "The Big Crocodile", PW Botha, Uncle took his glasses off of his head and broke them.

Jackie gasped. Uncle NEVER broke his glasses. He must have been furious. And he was. The old man turned to the others, pointing at Nick, who'd brought his backpack and his grandpa's walking stick. "Puffer fish." He said, his face pale with fury.

Nick put down his backpack and took out the puffer fish he'd been asked to bring. Uncle whipped it out and began chanting rapidly under his breath. A few moments later the ranting, raving man heard a horrible cry from his cameramen. Apparently…his skin had turned completely black. The man went through shock, anger, plea bargaining, and then finally acceptance in the span of five minutes, while everyone else walked off.

"Wow, Uncle…I didn't know that sort of thing bothered you so much."

"Uncle despises fasciiiiists!" Uncle shouted, putting on a new pair of glasses. He then led them through the busy streets of Johannesburg. Unfortunately, it…well, it wasn't eventless.

"WHAT THE?!?" Drago shouted. Strikemaster Ice, DJ Fist, and MC Cobra were there, checking out the fine South African women. "I thought I told you bozos to stay put back at-"

"Hey chill, big D! We're just chillaxin' with the ladies, lookin' for a taste of brown sugah!" Strikemaster Ice said.

"Look ladies: No hands! ;-)!" MC Cobra said, raising his hands and showing off his…er… big bulge in the crotch region of his pants.

Then that part suddenly ripped when he tried to do some flexing. A banana and a pair of ripe plums came tumbling out.

:-0!!!

The women, Strikemaster Ice and DJ Fist began laughing madly while MC Cobra got all teary. ;-(

He suddenly pulled out a knife and began slicing away at his wrist, screaming **"I'M AN EMOOOOO!!!1111!!!!!"**

Walking away from that sad show didn't mean they had protected themselves from further weirdness, because suddenly a woman went up to them, interested in-

"Hey baby!" A woman in a large coat wearing very little else said, addressing Nick. "Me so horny! Me so horny! Me love you long time!"

"Uh…I have a girlfriend." The kid said.

"…oh, wait…how old you?"

"14."

"OH. Sorry." The woman said. "How about pony-tailed friend? I like you. You can come over to my house and f—k my sister!"

Uncle hurried them towards a nearby bookstore. He had a chi-finder in his hands. It looked like a small broom with a HUGE compass and a jar attached to it.

"According to chi finder, bell piece is within this store…" Uncle said, adjusting his glasses. "Be ready…Uncle senses dark forces within…"

Drago grabbed Jade's hand. "I'll protect you." He said. Jade looked at him for a moment than withdrew the hand.

"Don't touch me please." She said. "I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

As they entered the shop, they noticed something odd about the bookstore. It wasn't that the place was very, very empty of books. The huge cases where the books should have been had only cobwebs. It wasn't that the lights were flickering on and off. And it wasn't that the air was musty and reeked. It was something else…

There, looking miserable as he sat tied to a chair, was none other…

Than Drew.

"DREW!?!" Everyone shouted.

"The f—k?!?" Jade went over to him. He had a gag on his mouth, and his eyes were bulging out of his head. She took the gag out. "What are you doing here?"

"Jade, you gotta run, it's a trap!"

"A trap that worked SPLENDIDLY. Nrrik vishani krishir!"

Before anyone could so much as gasp, a huge shadow descended on them, and with a WHUMP they all drifted into dreamland…

MEANWHILE…

"Sandi…" Shendu whispered, drawing his beloved close to him in her bedroom. "I have been wanting to ask you this for a long time…"

He was in mini-demon form and was holding her hands gently as he gazed into her eyes. "Do…you wish to be my mate?"

"You mean…marry you?" Sandi asked.

"Yes…to bond with me…in a way that has been sacred and passed down since the dawn of time, since love began." He whispered. "I want you to bond with me, I wish to marry you, I love you." He told her, holding her hand a bit more tightly. "Will you marry me?" He asked. He bent on one knee and removed his hands from hers, taking out from under his long tongue something he'd been hiding…a ring with a large diamond on the end. It was simply huge, and the band itself was gold.

"I had King assist me in making it. He did the gold whilst I made the diamond." He told her. "Would you…be mine?"

Sandi felt the ring slip onto her fingers. Tears brimmed in her eyes. She'd been waiting for someone to tell her something like this ever since she was a little girl. Her Prince Charming was a dragon demon, but he cared…and she loved him right back. She nodded. "Yes…oh God, yes. I'll marry you." She said, suddenly jumping on him and hugging him tightly.

Shendu felt a joy rise in him as those words entered his ears and he hugged his beloved back. The two lovers then rose up from the ground. "Shall we?" He asked, motioning to the bed.

"Sure thing." She said, poking his snout lightly with one finger. "But no biting this time, okay?"

MEANWHILE…

"Where…where are we?" Jade remarked.

Everyone slowly stood up. They were in a huge, and looooong corridor of black and white walls that were checkered. At the end of the hall was a very young-looking man with rippling biceps and pectorals, who looked at them all contemtously. He had long hair flowing down from his head, white in color. And he had a mask over his face, like one you would wear on Carnival or Mardi Gras.

"This is the pathway of the dream realm. Here are nightmares and terrors, pleasures and wonders…all stored behind these doors…and they come from you. It's a simple spell, really, sending someone into the dream realm. Oh…" He bowed mockingly. "And I'm Mephistoles, the Male Counterpart of the Mind of the Devil and Lord Demon of Lies." He grinned evilly. "Since all of you have been getting on our master's nerves for quite some time, he's ordered every Avatar and Lord Demon possible to get rid of you. Looks like I'm the first, heh-heh-heh."

Oddly enough, his voice sounded…older than it should. Drago stepped forward, pointing.

"You just crossed the border into Hurtsville, brawn boy!" Reverting back to demon form, he belched out flame at Mephistoles, who lazily snapped his fingers. "ICE."

WOOSH! A burst of ice struck the flame down. Drago gaped. "What the?"

"GRAVIGA." Mephistoles shouted, raising his hands. They suddenly saw a large, swirling purple/black orb above them. "RUN!" Nick screamed. They all bolted for the doors…

Mephistoles grinned wildly. Perfect. Every single one of those-

Wait…those Spanish fools…they hadn't run into a door, where had they gone?

Jade looked around. Where was she? It was…

It was Section 13. How odd, she was right in the middle of Section 13. And there…there she was! Her older self, that is. Older Jade was waving hello to a young man she was approaching. Desperate to get a closer look, Jade walked over to where she was, hiding behind a large generator. She peeked around it…

And saw her older self snogging Drago like there was no tomorrow. They parted lips and looked into each other's eyes.

"You're amazing." Drago said.

"Naw, you're amazing."

"You're amazing-er."

"That's not a word, you d—k." She said playfully.

"I'm not a d—k, you're a d—k!"

"No, YOU'RE a d—k!"

"You're a d—k!"

"You're the biggest d—k in all of the United States of America!" She laughed, and they reverted back to sucking face.

"W-W-W-WHAAAAAAA!!!???!!!" Jade shouted. "He was telling the TRUTH!?! Me and YOU?!?" Jade shouted.

Older Jade and Drago turned and saw her. "Oh. Hi!" Drago said. "What are…what are you doing in my mind?"

"Ah, so this is the inner workings of Nick's mind." Uncle said, adjusting his glasses.

It was a very large and grassy field. A zephyr blew through the leaves of the single tree in the field, a large oak tree with some acorns popping up from it's leaves. It was healthy, strong and tall, and sitting on a swing that was nailed into one of the tree's great, long branches was none other than a 10 year old Nick, who swung back and forth.

"99 Red Balloons…floating in the summer sky! Panic bells it's red alert! There's somethin' here from somewhere else! A war machine it springs to life! Opens up one eager eye! Focus in, yeah on the sky…as 99…red balloons go byyyyyy!"

"Excuse me." Uncle said, approaching Dream-Nick. "Where are the rest of your memories?"

"Oh, beyond the tree and back again, a lovely holiday! Ha-ha!" He went back to swinging.

"Er…I can't see anything beyond the tree." Uncle stated.

"Oh. Then they don't want to let you in yet…billy goat!"

"What? Why you-"

"No, I mean look, a billy goat!"

A billy goat hopped by them, chewing at the field. Uncle "harrumphed". It had HIS face. Even in a dream, he was being insulted!

"Oh look, it's almost time for "Baron von Brunk"!" The kid announced.

"Huh?"

Suddenly a HUGE TV fell down onto the grass, making the Uncle-Goat bleat and run off. The TV turned on to reveal the beginning of a show entitled "The Adventures of Baron von Brunk". Apparently he was fighting some guy in black and silver armor who had long silver hair and an overly long sword named "Sephiroth".

"What on EARTH?" Uncle asked.

The "One Winged Angel" was quickly taken down by a good kicking of a hammer which led to him being hit in the crotch. Then he was left in the middle of the road to be run over by a red car. Dream-Nick laughed so hard he fell of his swing.

"Uncle does not get it!"

"HA-HA-You have-Heh-heh-to be…WOOP! HA! A Final Fantasy-Hee-hee…fan!"

"Is boy on drugs?"

The kid raised an eyebrow. "That's not funny."

Drago gaped. So THIS was Hsi's mind. Obsessive much?

It was like a large temple. There were shrines devoted to several people…the ones that caught his attention where that of a girl with hair similar to that of Jade's, a Japanese girl with…pinkish hair and blue eyes. Characters above the shrine read "Haruno". The shrine for Jade was large as well, and there were some scribblings on the wall nearby that read "HW & JC 4EVA". There was even a shrine for Nick, who was beaming happily. A golden chain that had "best friend" etched into it surrounded the picture.

"Woah…he actually cares about them this much? Who knew?"

"May I ask what you're doing in our mind?"

Drago turned around and came face to face with Hsi in a white toga with a halo. Next to HIM was Hsi with horns and a pitchfork.

"Answer quick and die." Hsi's shoulder devil snarled.

Xiao walked slowly around the museum that was Uncle's mind. There were dozens of pictures everywhere, each of a different memory. There were headphones too, putting them on you heard the memory explained…

Unfortunately it was by Uncle's annoying voice. So Xiao didn't bother with it.

What he DID notice was a very large statue in the middle of the museum. It was of he and the rest of the Chan clan all together, sitting around a table playing Monopoly.

"…boring. Isn't there anything more…"

Then he heard…music. He walked down the hall and turned into a doorway. He gasped at the sight.

There was a very young Uncle, hair brown, eyes laughing, flipping through the flying trapeze, an acrobat of incredible skill.

"Wow…"

Hsi didn't DARE open his eyes. He kept them shut, and his ears plugged. He was stuck in Xiao's mind. If I told you what Hsi would have seen in there, I would have to turn this fanfic into an M. Possibly an X.

What did he hear? Well…

"Hey guys!"

"What?"

"I saw a lady, just the other day, she walked right up to me and she said "hey!"."

"Well guess what?"

"What?"

"She didn't like YOU very much, cuz when you were not looking, I was touchin' her butt!"

"Touchin' her butt? Was it round or square, cuz if you said round you did not go down there! One more thing, did you so some play?"

"Yes 57 times in every place!"

"What's her name?"

"Why it's Ricardo!"

"What's her name?"

"Is it Romaine?"

"Dude…just say you don't know!"

"Fine, I don't know!"

"She's a Pussycat Ho!"

Next!

Nick was inside, of all people, Jade's mind. He noticed her Dream Self was skipping rocks on a pond. Every time she skipped one across, the splash the rock made showed a different memory.

He was about to approach her when someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder. He turned around…

And came face to face with himself, with skin completely white, hair a pretty golden color, eyes of emerald twinkling brightly, wearing a Romanesque toga and sandals. He had brilliant-looking, angelic wings that looked soft and gentle, and he had angelic script running up and down his arms. It read "Victory of the People of God"

And a fist was raised to meet his face.

"REPENT FOR YOUR SINS AGAINST THE NATURAL ORDER!" His Light Side shouted, slamming the fist into Nick's cheek.

Nick flew across the lake, as everything shattered and became nothing but a floating platform…it was just like when he'd fought his dark side. Only now the platform was brightly shining, and pure white. Nick landed hard on it, and saw Dream-Jade was suspended in a bubble, sleeping peacefully.

"I don't want to harm HER. She is an innocent. She's done nothing. No harm will come to her." His light side self explained, floating down from the sky. He landed softly on the platform. "You have done what you should not have. Bringing someone back to life is against the natural order. You must be punished for this."

Nick stood up, wiping his mouth. He clenched his fist and pressed the button on his watch to change costumes, as his martial arts garb appeared upon his body. He pointed at Light Nick.

"I haven't done jack diddly except what was right! You care too much about laws and rules, just like that stupid Jade Emperor!"

Light Nick suddenly rushed forward, aiming a fist at Nick's head. Nick ducked and delivered a quick kick to Light Nick's gut, sending him flying back. However, Light Nick righted himself easily and shook his head. "You don't understand. You've gone too far. I sympathized with you when confronting the Jade Emperor because I felt he was wrong in his beliefs. But bringing back the dead and giving up your powers…that's too much. I could understand playing devil's advocate, but…all of that?"

Nick nodded. "I'm willing to do anything if I can accomplish good…just not sell my standards. If giving up my powers could save a life, and it did…then I'm glad."

"You honestly believe that what you did was right?" Light Nick chuckled. "Then…prove it! I want to test your strength of heart! Show me! Don't go easy on yourself, ha-ha-ha!"

ELSEWHERE…

Shin was watching some television at the antiques store. Dick Cheney was making a speech in regards to a reporter's questions on a strange recent phenomenon that had occurred at Stonehenge.

"I am telling you, there is no such thing as aliens."

"Sir, how can you be so sure?"

Shin didn't like this man. He could sense there was much sin and evil within him. He was about to lie again.

"I am telling you all, I have never had any experience in my many years as a statesman here in Washington DC with any aliens, be they natural or extraterrestrial."

"Oh really?" Shin murmured. An idea was forming in his head. He walked over to the spice cupboard in the kitchen and pulled out some necessary ingredients for his spell. After crushing them in his hand and chanting Dick Cheney's full name over and over, he blew the mixture into the air. He returned to the TV.

Dick Cheney was now vehemently denying a question about being involved with Area 51.

"I am telling you, you IDIOTS, I am not under alien control!"

WOOOOP!

Suddenly he began dancing. "I love to singa! About the moona and the Junea and the springa! I love to singa! About a sky of blue or a tea for two-a…"

Shin began laughing so hard he fell clear over the couch he was sitting on while the reporters all began scribbling notes on Dick Cheney's brief size. Yes, he had taken off his pants and was now twirling them over his head.

"This is very odd, Paco."

"Si, El Toro Fuerte…"

The wrestling duo walked slowly around a large cavern. It was breezy, with a huge hole in the top. There were HUGE spider webs all around, but neither Paco nor El Toro were afraid of spiders though. Still, what suddenly crawled down from the hole was a surprise all the same for them. As I'd said, there were huge spider webs…and now here was a HUGE spider to match the webs!

Oddly enough, the spider was vaguely humanoid. It's upper body resembled that of a human, with large muscles and arms, but it had claws instead of fingers, and the fanged face of a spider, with piercing red eyes and light blue pincers. His body was bright yellow, with intricate designs on his belly. His large legs hoisted him high up over the two as he looked down on them.

"You're lucky I got to you before you were trapped." It spoke, it's voice unmistakably African. "I am trickster spirit, servant of Nyame, and King of All Stories. I am Anansi."

"Oh my." El Toro gasped. "Paco, be careful…"

"Relax. I'm not an evil being. I'm here to help. Your friends are in trouble…Mephistoles has them trapped in each other's dreams, and they're all in danger…"

Paco stepped forward. "What's going on?"

"It is simple." Anansi said, raising a claw and drawing a circle in the air. Suddenly an image appeared…Nick was on a floating platform with the others all around him, ripped from their dreams. Mephistoles was watching from a commentator's box, looking smug. "The fiend believes that Nick's Light Side will destroy him, and when Nick is gone, it will start a chain reaction…"

"What?"

"You see, if a mortal were to die in the dream realm, their spiritual power would explode out in a supernova effect." Anansi told them calmly. "In short, if Nick bites it…POW. Your friends, who are too close, too close to the battle…will die. Mephistoles will be safe, he knows his power will teleport him out of the dream realm before that happens. But your friends…"

"Nick's Light Side wouldn't REALLY kill him…would he?" Paco asked.

"…normally, no. But in case you haven't noticed it already…"

Anansi tapped a certain part on the image…and they saw a small cord of blood red going from Light Nick's back to the commentator's box, up to Mephistoles, who was grinning cruelly. "His actions are almost under direct control of Mephistoles. It's a good thing Nick himself isn't controlled, and that his Light Side has been separated from him to fight…"

"How can we help?" El Toro asked.

Anansi would have grinned if he could have. "I am glad you asked…"

Nick was sent flying through the air, groaning horribly. He had been bloodied up something awful. His Light Side was far faster than he was…and he didn't have it in him to beat him up. Mostly because every time he tried to, like right now as he rushed towards Light Nick, fist raised…

Bambi eyes. "You wouldn't hurt someone this cute-looking, would you?" Light-Nick asked, holding his hands together in front of him and tilting his head slightly, giving him the biggest "cute" look possible.

Nick stopped in his tracks. Again. "Aw, darn it! Fracking inability to hit something that cute!"

"Too bad you can't do it nearly as well as I can!" Light Nick said, pile-driving him into the ground and beginning to ground and pound him. The others were being forced to watch, and all the while Mephistoles was commenting. "Oh, and a left and a right, and THAT'S gotta hurt, oh don't worry, the dentist can fix that-oh no, he can't fix THAT, ha-ha-ha! You're so pathetic! I feel sorry for you…NOT!"

"Hands off the boy!" El Toro suddenly exclaimed, falling down in a flying press on top of Light Nick, flattening him as Paco suddenly appeared from behind Nick, pulling him away as quickly as possible. Light Nick groaned horribly. "Ohh…hey, what are you doing? This is MY fight!"

"Not anymore." El Toro said, grabbing Light Nick's leg and pulling it back. "OW-OW-OW-OW-OWWWW!" Light Nick shouted. "Stop iiiiit!" He sobbed. "That huuuuurts!"

Nick gaped. "What the? My Light Side's a wuss?"

"When it comes to this sort of thing, yes! STOP, STOP! UNCLE! UNCLE!"

"Yes?" Uncle exclaimed.

"I MEAN I GIVE! I GIVE! STOP!"

"…sorry." El Toro muttered, getting off. Light Nick dusted himself off. "Ow, my leg…that hurt, you dumb bully!...but I guess I deserved it. I suppose that I can't expect the old-fashioned methods of fighting for what's supposed to be right to work ALL the time…so…" He held out his hand toward Nick. "You're all right. I'm proud to-"

"How…DARE you!!!" Mephistoles roared, bursting from the commentator's box. Light Nick suddenly screamed in pain, clutching his head as Mephistoles snapped his fingers, revealing the connection between him and Light Nick. "I control you, little whelp! Destroy them!"

"Go…fuck…your…self…" Light Nick screamed in between gasps of pain. Mephistoles didn't like that. He held up his hand. "GRAVIG-"

"I think you need to play a different song, homeboy!" Drew shouted. Everyone gasped, Mephistoles included, as Drew suddenly burst forth from a portal behind Mephistoles, grabbing him around the neck and squeezing hard. "This guy's been trickin' all of you! Straight up trippin'! He don't really look like this!"

"S-Shut up!" Mephistoles gasped, flailing around in Drew's grasp. But Drew wouldn't shut up. Suddenly he rammed his head hard into Mephistoles's head, and then, with a flash of light…

They were in the bookstore…and Drew was letting a very old-looking demon with a long white beard fall to the ground. He was frail, had long red claws…and a Mardi Gras/Carnival mask.

"Meet the real Mephistoles. The guy was a perpetrator." Drew spat. "Tied me up while I was visiting my grandpa down here in South Africa. F—kin' fogey." He cracked his knuckles. "Now if you don't mind…I'm gonna go to town on him. This is for all my n-ggas."

What happened was the most violent display of brutality Nick had ever seen from Drew. First Drew picked the demon up. Then he struck him over and over in the face, left, right, left, right went the head. Then he threw him to the ground and began CRUNCHING his foot into the back of Mephistoles. Finally he picked him back up again and his fist slammed into his gut…again and again. Mephistoles was spitting out blood now, and Drew raised his fist again, about to bring it down on his crown…

"Hold." Anansi said, emerging from a portal from the wall. The others, especially Uncle, gasped.

Uncle didn't like spiders. "HOT-CHAAA! Where is puffer fish?"

"Relax. This is Anansi. He helped a brother out." Drew explained.

Anansi nodded. "I know a shaman when I see one. Drew, in exchange for your help and…if you spare Mephistoles's life…I will grant you this." He held up a small golden spider. "It will lend you strength if you call upon its might."

Drew looked it over, then took it. "All right…I guess I can let the ol' man go for now. But he better start talkin' about what's the deal with tryin' to kill me!"

"That…I'm not telling." Mephistoles groaned. His voice was very creaky. "I will not…"

Drew pulled on his beard. HARD.

"ALL RIGHT! I'll talk, I'll talk!" Mephistoles groaned. "We…we saw you caring for that man who was struck by that car…we saw you had…had compassion…and that you were hanging out with those…those stupid demons…we thought you were too much of a danger, so…I decided to destroy you…" He grinned evilly. "Almost worked too…"

Drew pulled on his beard again, EXTRA hard. Then he tossed him to Anansi, who slung the Lord Demon over his shoulder. "I now take my leave." Anansi said, bowing. "I wish you all luck…oh, and…here. I found this. You need it, don't you?"

He held up a golden shard…the bell piece! He tossed it to Uncle, who looked a bit nervously at it. A SPIDER had touched it, gross! Anansi walked towards the portal, Mephistoles still slung over his shoulder. "Wait! Where are you going?" Paco suddenly shouted out to him.

Anansi would have grinned if he could have. "To have a little…snack…"

The portal closed.

Nick gulped. "Ew!" He exclaimed. He turned to the others. "So what did you all see in each other's dreams?" He asked.

Jade groaned. "Nick! That's kind of personal!"

"You all saw me getting my hiney whupped by myself. I think that you owe me a LITTLE."

"Well, I…I did in fact see into your mind." Uncle revealed. "You…you are more innocent than I believed you to be. I…I believe I can trust you."

Nick blinked a few times. Then he smiled. "…thanks, Uncle." He said happily. "Hey Drew, can we visit your grandpa with you?"

Drew looked at them all, then shrugged. "Sure. He wrote in the letter that he'd meet me in the park."

They all followed him out of the park and down the road. Then someone popped the question: "Why the park?"

"Oh, he's meeting a friend there, someone very close to him." Drew explained. "Oh, hi Grandpops!"

They all saw a very dark-skinned African waving at them. He had white hair, perfectly round glasses, a white scientific-like tee on his shirt, shorts and brown shoes. "Drew! How good to see you! Come say hi to my friend. We've been talking about our times in jail." Drew's grandpa said.

Everyone gaped at who it was.

"MADIBA!?!" Nick exclaimed.

Elsewhere…

"Barubary…we need to talk."

Barubary slowly opened all of his eyes. He turned from where he was looking out from and faced the Lord Demon of Pride.

"Lord Lucifer. How are you?"

"…not too well." Lucifer admitted. "I was ordered to…to journey to the Transylvanian/Germany border…"

"Those countries warred against each other, didn't they?"

"Indeed. It consumed many other countries. It was quite the boost for both our side and HIS side. Still, I digress. A bell piece went and landed there, in…the Ambridge Mansion."

Barubary nodded. "I have heard of that place. Foul…sickening…even I fear it to some degree. There are things lying in there that are not supposed to exist."

"To tell the truth, that…that place gives me the Willies." Lucifer said, shivering madly. "I can't stand even HEARING that name. So…I wanna ask a favor of you."

Barubary looked intrigued. "You wish me to go in your stead, I take it?"

"Yes."

Barubary clacked his claws together in a purposeful, thinking manner. Finally he smiled. "Very well. I will go. After all, one must conquer one's fears…heh-heh…I should know. After all…I am a nightmare."

Mephistoles wasn't laughing. He was about to experience something very, VERY unpleasant.

"Now, uh…don't be so hasty…" Mephistoles began begging his captor. "You know you can't kill me for real with what power you have…"

He was wrapped tightly in a blanket of spider's string, tied tightly to a huge web as Anansi advanced towards him, slowly and purposefully. His claws twitched occasionally as his legs went up and down, up and down, and he advanced closer and closer…

"I know I cannot kill you." Anansi responded calmly. "But…ha-ha-ha…you are not going to be dead when I'm through with you. You will WISH you were though…oh yes, you will wish it."

He was now leaning n close to Mephistoles's neck, pincers arched and clacking in the still air of the cave they were in. Mephistoles screamed as the pincers dug in and Anansi began to feed slowly…

**Author's Note:**

**I just love doing insight into characters. Read and review, everybody! Tell your friends, too! Now for a brief description of the next chapter...**

**The next bell piece that our ragtag cadre of well-meaning people is located in the war-torn country of Iraq, still occupied by US troops, still being forced to deal with death and despair on a daily basis, and getting the bell piece from the certain people who HAVE it will take some...well, rather different methods than the ones that you've seen so far. King and Shin journey to Iraq to get that bell piece and new truths are revealed about the future Jade has! Prepare!**


	37. Iraq

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX**

IRAQ

"ME AND HIM!?!" Jade shouted, tugging on Hao's shirt. She, the Sky Demon, Hao and Drago were all in the main room of the antique's shop. Nick was also there, reading "The Truth, with Jokes" by Al Franken. He was trying to avoid getting involved in the conversation, since he had a feeling he knew exactly where it was going to end up.

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME **I **END UP GETTING TOGETHER WITH HIM!?!" She shouted in Hao's face. Hao groaned and tried to pull away, failing. "**START TALKING**!"

"Uh…er…well, you see…" Hao began. "You rose through the ranks in Section 13, and at around the time when you were going to be elected to the position of main commander of Section 13, Drago entered the picture. He was about to rob a bank, actually, when someone beat him to the punch…I think it was Daolong Wong."

"What?"

Okay, THAT had gotten Nick's attention. "He's not dead YET?!?"

"He DID die, relax. He'd been using his dark chi warriors to steal money so that he could fund his takeover. Then when he attacked the bank, Section 13 was on him like a fly on a dead body. He got his butt kicked and was forced to retreat. Seeing Jade in action apparently drove Drago wild for her."

"It was like ballet, watching her in action…" He said dreamily. "Such smooth moves on such a smooth body…the swift kicks, the way she grabbed one of their heads between her legs and slammed it into the ground…I'd never seen a woman do that to anyone before. I knew right then and there I wanted to make her mine…"

"He introduced himself…of course he didn't tell her he was Shendu's son. And as for Daolong Wong…" Hao grinned in a sick fashion. "I…took care of business."

"You took a meat axe to him, from what I heard." Drago said, taking a puff on the cigarette he had. "He was screaming all the way from the butchery's freezer. How you managed to get him into there from Section 13's prison is a feat in itself. You shoulda seen him, you coulda stuck price tags on the chunks and sold them to-"

"OKAY, OKAY, I GET IT!" Nick shouted. "God, that's gross! Hao, you _actually_…"

"Yep. I'm a vigilante, remember? I was 13 when I did it. My first kill."

"What do you mean FIRST?" Jade asked, suddenly letting go of his shirt. "How many people have you **_killed_**?"

Hao tapped his head. "Hmm…that's a toughy."

"Having trouble remembering?" Hsi Wu asked.

"Having trouble counting that high."

"JESUS BUTT-KICKING CHRIST!" Nick shouted. "God, that's _disgusting_!"

"Like what Hsi and Drago have done is better. At least the ones that I kill are criminals."

"Superman-doesn't-kill." Nick growled.

"Well I'm no superman." Hao snapped back. "You want peace and forgiveness, go to church."

"I don't go to churches, I like privately worshipping-oh whatever!" Nick shouted, throwing his hands in the air. "**You're** the one who has to live with yourself." He growled angrily, walking into the kitchen to get a drink.

Jade sighed. She hoped that Shin was doing his job and getting the bell piece. He had insisted on going alone with King since it was a war zone, and they were great at being hidden from mortals. She also wondered how Drew was doing. Ever since they'd come back from South Africa, he'd been much nicer and his posse was nicer to Jade as well. Supposedly they were hanging out with the Enforcers downtown.

And they were. Only problem was…it was at a bar. And this meant that SOME people were getting drunk when they shouldn't be.

"Monkey steals master's bottle!" Hak Foo mumbled as he grabbed Finn's appletini away from him, drinking it up. He hiccupped and his head hit the counter of the bar. Drew and Ratso were getting into an argument as to who was going to pay for an order of buffalo wings.

"I ain't payin' for no wings when you scarfed 'em down before I could even get a little taste!"

"And I'm not going to pay for them since YOU'RE the one who ordered them!"

"Then we're gonna have to settle this like men." Drew said cooly.

"Yeah. Get the cards out, Finn!" Ratso shouted to Finn. He pointed at Drew. "You'd better be d—n good at poker, because if you're not, I will OWN YOU!"

**SFX: Record scratch followed by crickets chirping**

Everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing and stared at Ratso, who had turned pale in front of Drew, whose face was livid.

"Aw, jeez, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Oh shuddup and get the f—kin' cards!"

ELSEWHERE…

His long hair flapping in the wind of Baghdad as he walked through the city streets, a black turban wrapped around his head and a cloak to go with it, the lone Goth walked. The cloak whipped wildly, almost as wildly as his hair. His eyes glinted out from the turban as he peered intently, searching the streets for the sight of his target…the bell piece. King was with him, in different attire. He now wore a hooded cloak of light blue over his torso and head, with red pants that had strange script running up and down it in gold letters.

"No sign of it so far." Shin spoke to King. "Where could…"

And there it was. What appeared to be an investigation of a domestic disturbance was actually several troops removing a golden shard of bell from a home. Shin looked into their hearts, eyes blinking slowly, searching them thoroughly. Yes, they intended to take the piece back to the main base…and the one issuing the orders was their commander, General Ryan.

"Keep moving!" He barked. His voice prompted a closer peek into his heart. Shin gasped at what was revealed. There, shining out from the murky orb that was his heart in the river of his soul…there was an awful secret. He'd drunken a very caustic substance at a young age to remove himself of a "nightingale's" voice, which had brought him the wrong kind of attention and had singled him out as being a "f-ggy little singer".

Shin shook his head. There was so much blood on his hands…

King suddenly shook him, and he snapped out of his spiritual gaze, looking into King's eyes. The snake's eyes were filled with a sense of horror, and when Shin looked at what King was seeing, he saw why…

There was blood pooling out from a window on the house that the soldiers had just gone into…with a person hanging half out of it, brains partially exposed. The person had tried to jump and had failed to reach the tree just outside. One of the soldiers looked back at it and suddenly, screaming out from his soul, was a cry of regretful anguish. He was new…young…still innocent deep down.

The general saw the regret in his eyes and let out a "pfft", taking him aside. "Kid, remember what I told you on your first day?"

"…uh…don't let it get to you?"

"Right. Distance yourself and you'll do a better job."

"…yes…sir…"

The general laughed and clapped him on the back again, then they walked off towards the truck that had taken them to the house, with the golden bell piece in the general's possession. Shin and King turned to each other…it looked like it was time to pay a little visit to the compound of the soldiers.

"Let's get moving." King said. "I cannot bear to be around a place where there is so much pain lingering in the air."

Shin smiled gently. "You're a real softy. I'm glad."

King looked at him with an inscrutable expression. "…my blood is colder than you know, Shin Dell."

Pretty soon, once they HAD reached the compound, it became obvious that the soldiers were tense…and one could see why. Their compound was guarding a HUGE ammo dump left over from the Hussein regime. As King and Shin approached the guards at the front of the compound, they raised their rifles immediately and barked out "STATE YOUR BUISINESS" in as loud and as threatening a tone as they could.

Shin and King sighed. Shin raised his hands. "We only wish to speak to General Ryan about an artifact piece he obtained. It's important, VERY important."

"You can't just go see General Ryan." The first guard told them angrily. "He's busy."

"He's eating lunch." Shin said calmly.

The guard blinked. "Whu-what?"

"You're wondering if your girlfriend back home is staying true to you or having sex with your brother, and you're also wondering if you're going to get greased by a sniper or blown up by a hidden land mine. And your friend over there REALLY wants to go get a Big Mac and fries. He also wishes that his underpants had less sand in them, and that he didn't have an itch on his big toe."

The two guards gaped at Shin. "How-how-how did you?..."

"Can we go in?" Shin asked politely.

"……….sure………sure." The first guard said.

Shin and King were let into the compound and walked over to General Ryan's tent. They noticed it was awfully close to a bunch of fuel tanks in the ammo dump. Right in front of the general's tent was the same boy from before.

"Uh, you can't come in without-"

"Kid, we need to speak to General Ryan about that bell piece you took from that nice family you murdered." Shin said, voice very stony.

The kid suddenly bit his lip and began to hyperventilate. "I…I didn't wanna-wanna see them get hurt, but then the general noticed they were holding out on us, that they'd been hiding that piece of gold from us. When he called them a-a-a bunch of "thieving terrorists" the oldest kid got angry and spat at him, so the general ordered us to hit him with our rifle butts…that's when the others tried to run, and the general had his gun and-and-and-oh GOD, there was so much blood…"

"Calm down." Shin said, putting his hand on the soldier's shoulder. His soul reached out, gently caressing the officer's heart within the clear water of his soul, rocking it gently. Instantly he sent feelings of peace through the soldier, who calmed down and nodded. "Oh…okay. You can go on in." He said.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Bäumer." Shin said. Nodding to him, they walked inside the tent. Paul blinked a few times, then walked off to go back to his tent to do some thinking.

"It can't be done." Gen. Ryan told them simply. He brushed his grey/black hair to the side as he put his sunglasses down on the desk inside of his tent. There was a huge box marked "Contraband" in which the bell piece had been rudely shoved into. "The little "artifact" you're trying to procure…it is property of the United States government now."

"The bell…and ALL of its pieces…are property of the Divine." King told him in an authoritative tone. "I've been guarding it for years, general. Hand it over please. I'd rather not have to get violent."

"Oh, you'd rather not get violent, huh?" General Ryan asked, getting up in King's face, sneering. Even though King's face was hidden in the cloak, those golden eyes didn't seem to have any effect on General Ryan. "Who the hell are you anyway? Who do you think you are, huh?"

"I happen to be-"

"I'll answer that. You're NOBODY. A nothing!"

THA-WHUNK!

A hard fist suddenly struck him in the gut. He doubled over, gasping…this general was stronger than he had thought!

"Go ahead, go and try and get me court-martialed! Rest assured, you little raghead, YOU'LL be the one found guilty!" He spat on King's back as he lay on the ground, panting slightly. "I control this unit here. I'm in charge of all these men. It's my ways that ensure that they get back home safely. And until we do, they have to listen to me. I make the rules, understand? It's my job to ensure that Freedom keeps marching. So take this piece of advice to heart…"

Shin stepped forward to help King when suddenly Ryan grabbed him. "Raghead f—ks around with America…raghead gets burnt."

There was such racist feeling coming from this man that Shin couldn't help but feel sick. He shoved Ryan away and helped King up, who looked right at Ryan, eyes burning with vengeance. "You will BURN for this." He hissed.

Ryan shrugged. "Not in this lifetime. Now get the hell out of my compound. And if you try and take the gold piece back, I'll shoot you on sight. From now on, neither of you are allowed within twenty feet of me."

"GOOD. I wouldn't want to be around when the earth swallows you up!" King spat furiously as they left the tent. "Foul, hateful…"

"What an a—hole." Shin agreed. "Such a conformist b—stard."

Now the problem was…how to get the bell piece?

Luckily, a solution presented itself…

**BGM: Kismet, by Bond**

Slowly the sun begins to set. Night will soon fall…

A wind begins to pick up speed…

Slowly people begin to return home…

And the boy with the cyan eyes sighs.

His brown hair fell down from his turban as he stared out from his window at his home, cyan eyes staring out the window. His smooth, darkened skin was well-muscled and he was quick on his feet as he leapt out of the window, landing in a tree and spinning on one of its branches, depositing himself on the ground below. He looked up at the window, waving goodbye to his mother as he walked down the streets, his long white cloak bellowing behind him. He wore a red pair of shorts and no shoes, and a white bandolier.

As he walked past faceless person after faceless person, he suddenly caught sight of trouble up ahead. American soldiers. They stopped him from moving and demanded to see his identification. He pulled out his wallet and showed them who he was. The solider looked him over…how odd. This one was around his age. He smiled and nodded, letting him past.

Mishra thanked his lucky stars as he turned into the alley, passing by an open doorway, hand open and outstretched. A MK-17 was shoved into his hand. He nodded and bolted down the alley, strapping it to his back thanks to his bandolier. The wind kicked up dust around him, almost blowing it right into his face. He didn't feel it.

He found himself back on the main road soon after, walking down it calmly. Then…of all people…that stupid general. Out with his main goons. And worst of all, they were approaching him. If…if they caught him, then his resistance work was doomed…he had seen what had happened to his brother…there had only been bones to bury…

Suddenly a form brushed up alongside him. He turned and found a pair of eyes looking into his own, and a pale face with long black hair that whipped in the air. He nodded at the kid, stretching out his hand. Mishra found himself shaking it…

The youth with long black hair suddenly rushed forward, bolting in front of Mishra. Mishra watched in awe as the kid jumped through the air, knee flying forward. It found the general's face so quickly…Ryan went down, cursing. The youth leapt up and bolted down the street, the soldiers running after him, firing. Mishra felt another hand grab him and pull him into the safety of the alleyways, a pair of golden eyes attached to scaly hands.

He soon found himself back in the alleys. He could continue on his destination to the HQ. But first…he had to stop and see her. He climbed up a ladder to her house, he had time to spare. He opened the door and saw her on her bed, waiting…for him. She embraced him excitedly, and he gently brushed her hair. Their lips found each other…

Then, a moment later, a THUMP at the door. Their heads turned…

A shot. The door was blown off of its hinges in seconds. She shoved him down just as a bullet whizzed through the air…through her midsection. Her frail, chocolate-milk body hit the floor, along with a tear…

Mishra screamed.

No…no…

They turned the gun on him…

NO! NOOOOOO-

Suddenly there came a "WOOSH" and there was a form in back of him, pulling him to safety as a scaly form burst from behind the soldiers, snapping one of their necks. Another tried to load his gun…too slow. A headbutt followed up by a broken arm, and after being thrown towards another soldier…it was clear he wouldn't get up. The last one, the one who had fired, raised his gun…

Fangs found his face as they dug into both cheeks and CRUNCHED. The forehead and hair of the soldier was now separate from his body, There was a gulp, and then the form turned to Mishra, who cradled his beloved. He shook her gently.

Get up…oh by Allah, get up…please…

She smiled.

She died.

A wail burst forth from his mouth, splitting the night sky.

The soldiers outside the house, together with General Ryan, looked up onto the roof and saw a sight they'd never seen…

A snake-like humanoid, a pale Gothic youth, and an Iraqi boy were on top. Only the Goth was looking down at them with something other than hate in his eyes. And as evidenced by the stars that shot through the night sky behind them, it was obvious whom the heavens favored.

The snake hissed out a single word and winds buffeted them away from the house. The Iraqi was grabbed by both his hands as they leapt from roof to roof, as the wind bit at Mishra's face. The stars continued to fell as they jumped across the city roofs, finally landing on the ground in front of a red-bricked house. Mishra turned to them, nodding…

And entered alone.

(Music ends.)

LATER…

"I'm not happy." Ryan thought to himself out loud as he walked towards the compound by himself. The other two soldiers had been blown into the streets and had been run over by a truck…well, actually, one had survived, but had then crawled onto a mine while attempting to reach the general. "Not happy at all!"

He was even less happy when he saw who was there in his tent, bent over, lifting the bell piece out from the "Contraband" drawer.

"DON'T F—KING MOVE!" He shouted, drawing his gun. Shin and King saw him and gaped. He was there sooner than they'd hoped he'd be…

"Oh, isn't this a shame." Ryan crowed as he motioned for them to move. They moved to the front of the tent while he moved to the back of it. King suddenly noticed there was an open patch in the tent to the right of the general's form…

"You'll burn for what you've done." King snarled.

"Not in this lifetime! You came so close to stopping freedom, but you see…freedom finds a way. Goodnight, gracie!" Ryan snarled, raising his gun.

"You know why you shouldn't fool around with me?" King asked, lowering his hood. Ryan gasped at the sight. King then whispered something, and a small flame appeared in his clawed hands. "I'm a fire hazard."

He then tossed it through the air, and it whizzed through the tent flap's open patch.

FA-BOOOOOOM! WOOOOSH!

The fireball struck the fuel and it sent flames rushing out, straight to the tent. King and Shin walked out as the general felt flames shoot up his back. He screamed and rolled around on the ground, desperately trying to put them out and failing. It moments, the tent and all of the contents that had been within it, human and otherwise, were ash in the air.

"I told him he would burn. And he will always be burning." King said. There was a twisted sense of satisfaction in his golden eyes. "Not even in death will he find peace." He added coldly.

"……let's just get out of here." Shin said, looking at the eating area under a huge tent as the soldiers had their dinner, talking to each other and laughing and joking. He sighed as he explored their hearts. Such a waste…

"The Iraqi people aren't the only ones who are the ones who I pity." He said. "Those solider boys are victims too…"

**Author's note:**

**I had had the idea for this chapter in my head for a LONG time. And I'm glad I got it out. Because the reality is true…there are victims on both sides, and you don't have to be unarmed to be one. In their own way, the people being forced to torture others in Guantanamo Bay are victims of torture as well. **

**War is not a good thing. Good can come from it, but it itself is not good. It brings people down to a horrible level, to an animalistic savagery, to a cruel level that you used to think you would NEVER go down to. **

**People are dying over there every day. Something has got to change. Neither the troops nor the Iraqis nor anyone else involved in war usually WANTS to be in a war. They'd rather be home. They have, as I've shown, lives. They had dreams before entering the fray. Or perhaps their dream is to one day LEAVE the fray. **

**So do I support the troops, you might think? I want them to come home. I want them to live to be 89 years old, have kids, go to their first grandchild's birthday 13****th**** birthday, and then retire happily to a nursing home. Does that answer your question? **

**Oh…and if anyone can figure out where I got the names for the Lieutenant and the General, point it out in a review! **


	38. Paris

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN**

PARIS

"Ah, Paris." Nick remarked.

"City of Lights." Hsi added.

"City of Love…" Drago whispered in Jade's ear.

"Keep your pants on, lover boy." She snapped, jabbing her elbow into his perfectly smooth stomach.

"Home of the Mona Lisa!" Hao remarked. "I once beat a thief to death for trying to steal it! My 100th kill!"

_How many people has he KILLED?!?_

"This place has a bell piece, eh? Should be interesting." Sandi remarked. "Hey, Shendu, where'd you go, baby?"

"Right here." Shendu said. He had flowers in his hand. "I brought you roses."

Nick looked into the window of a flower shop. The place had been broken into, a window shattered. As soon as Sandi had turned away to show the others her gift, Nick grabbed Shendu by his shirt collar (All the demons were in human form) and whispered harshly "NO STEALING!"

"Hey, I didn't say I'd BOUGHT her flow-"

WHACK!

Nick kicked him in the shin. "OW! Okay, okay, I won't steal anything else!" He yelped.

"Good. Hey, that reminds me…what did you get Sandi for Christmas? I didn't see her thanking you for a present."

"Oh, uh…about that…" Sandi mumbled. The demons now looked nervous, Hao included.

"Well…you see…" Hao said.

"My grandpa was crushed by an ample bust. Dad-daddy's at the will reading…" Sandi said, snickering.

Nick began laughing madly. Then he stopped. "Wa-wa-wait…a butt, or a statue-type bust?"

"…both…" Sandi said, covering her mouth to keep from laughing too hard.

Nick, however, began laughing so hard he fell over on the ground. BAM. Eventually though, he calmed down and stood up. "Oh-okay…that's…that's…let's, let's just get looking!" Nick remarked.

They were in the center of the great city, looking at the Eiffel Tower far off in the distance. As it were actually, the tower itself was where the bell piece was. How did everyone know that? Simple…the golden glint on the very top could be nothing else. So therefore, as they walked through the streets of Paris, they were confident this would be a nice, easy task. They'd get the bell piece, get out. That simple.

It wasn't meant to be that simple though. Drago had been right…this was the city of love. And before Nick realized it…

"I'm HUNGRY!" Sandi whined. "I haven't eaten lunch yet!"

Okay, maybe love wasn't the only thing in the air.

Grumbling noises rippled through each of their stomachs upon hearing Sandi's complaint. "SHADDAAAAAAP!" Jade shouted.

"All right, all right." Nick said. "Let's go into that restaurant over there." He pointed towards a nice-looking café with big outdoor tables. As they approached it, they realized two things: One, there was a heavenly smell wafting from within, and secondly…

The guy who was running it was SUPER gay.

"Why helloooooooooooo!"

"……hi." Nick said simply.

The guy was a fat French chef with a round belly, a white chef's hat, and above all, a rose in his mouth. His hair curled up on each side, and he had a curly mustache. He smelled like cinnamon buns and chocolate éclairs. In fact, Shendu suddenly had a HUGE urge to eat him, he was slobbering slightly. Nick had to stomp on his foot.

"OH!" He yelled out.

"Oh, vat is ze mattair?" The man asked. Yes, his French accent was THAT thick. And he had an unmistakable gay lisp.

"Er, he's just…um…"

"I'm just overwhelmed by the wonderful scents within your fine place of dining." Shendu immediately said, grinning in a charming fashion. He then took out a 100 dollar bill out from his back pocket and waved it in the air. "Mind finding us a seat? Or do you not take American money?"

The man saw the c-note and gaped. "Ahmerican money of such FAHN quality is ALWAYS welcome here! Thees way, thees way mah fahn friehnds!"

_Must…not…laugh…at…accent…_

After scoring a very nice outdoor seat under a bright blue umbrella shade, they all were soon sipping their respective drinks. Nick slurped his Shirley Temple lightly and then cleared his throat.

"Jade, uh…you know, I was thinking…maybe we should talk about…"

"I don't want to talk about it." Jade said in a "matter of fact" way.

"You're gonna wanna talk about it eventually." Nick pointed out. "Who you end up with is a matter I'm worried about too, you're my friend, remember? I don't-"

"Want me to make a mistake and pick someone you don't like!?!" Jade suddenly yelled. The other people outside looked over in their direction for a moment and then looked away. This sort of thing happened all the time.

"…no, I…don't want you to be with someone who'll break your heart." Nick mumbled, sipping his Shirley Temple morosely.

Jade saw that she had really offended Nick and tried to apologize. "Nick, I'm…"

"All right, all right! I admit it! You and I also had a thing together in the future!" Hao suddenly shouted, throwing his beer bottle to the side. It shattered on impact.

Now THAT got attention longer than the first incident had. Nick gaped. Hsi's eyes narrowed. Drago "harrumphed". Shendu and Sandi blinked slowly.

Jade looked confused. "Wa-wait. You…and I?" She asked.

"Yep." Hao admitted. "You were angry with Drago because he'd betrayed you for his dad. You came to me one night and…well, I tried to be supportive, that's all I'll say." He looked guiltily down at the ground.

"Wait, you two had SEX!?!" Hsi exclaimed.

"Ew, Sex!" Nick groaned.

"Well…yeah…" Hao admitted.

"Not that this isn't all fascinating, but what about the bell piece?" Shendu remarked.

"How about WE go get it, and you guys all talk this out?" Sandi suggested.

"Fine." Hsi snapped.

"Sure." Drago mumbled.

"Yeah, okay." Nick said softly.

"…go ahead. Leave." Hao told them.

Jade didn't even say anything as the two lovers stood up. But as soon as they'd left, she glared over at Hao. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I…I didn't want to!" Hao shouted. "I was…was nervous! I mean, it was just a one-night stand, and…I didn't think it was such a big deal, but…but being here and all this talk of the future, it spilled out! I had to say it sooner or later!"

"Hmm." Nick thought. "You and Jade only had a one night stand? Well…no offense, but…I'm glad. I think you're not the one for her…"

"What makes you say that?" Hao wanted to know.

Nick held up his cell phone. He pressed the "Voice Memo" option and picked "Memo #2." It began to play. "So after I was finished with HIM, his fellow druggies learned a lesson and never went near the stuff again. And that was my 25th kill. Then for my 50th kill, I did an intensive study of the "Mortal Kombat" series before I decided to take a leaf out of "Reptile's" book. And for my 75th kill, I killed a man…with THIS thumb!"

CLICK. End of message. He clicked "Memo #3"

"So I was like "huhhhh" and he was all "whatevaaaahhh" so I totally stuck-"

"OOPS! That's Lily, from school. Sorry." Nick shut the phone off.

"…okay, I'm a vigilante. I can't help it! I…I once saw something I'll never forget." Hao sighed. "A woman was…was being tossed out of her home, all of her stuff was in a shopping cart. She had…had two little kids, and she was being tossed out of her apartment onto the street. A man was THROWING stuff out onto the street right in front of them. And all I could think was…that man deserved to be punished. And I got him back. I tossed him out the window. He broke his legs. They let the woman and her kids back in because she got the rent money needed when I slipped it to her in an alley from the wallet I'd stolen from him."

Hsi had a small straw in the chocolate milk he had for his drink. He stirred it slowly. He was thinking about how it would be to have Jade for a bride.

Nick looked at Hao. "Your dragon side…does it object to this stuff?"

"My dragon side IS me. It's an almost perfect reflection of me. It just happens to be more pensive. It agrees with me though…there are those who deserve to die."

"I sometimes thought that." Nick admitted. "But I stopped thinking that way years ago. I realized you can't think that way about people."

The Sky Demon continued to stir…and continued to think.

WHAT HE WAS THINKING:

He and Jade lay on a hill overlooking San Fran as he held her gently. The sun was setting, they had a beautiful view of the red, purple, orange and yellow mixture of colors generated by it.

His eyes gazed down into those beautiful almond eyes she had.

"Jade…I'm so happy you're mine." He said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Me too." She said, hugging him. Then their lips found each other…

PRESENT:

"…it should be me." Hsi found himself saying.

The others all looked at him. "What?" Jade asked.

"Jade…I love you. And if I had to choose between any of the many women I have met over my life, I would only consider two…you and Haruno…and Haruno wanted me to be happy. I…I am so very happy that you consider me a good friend. But…I would be happier still if you would tell me that you feel the same…that you would call me your love."

They were all quiet. Jade looked into his eyes, mouth slightly open, as if wanting to say something. A mixture of emotions rose up in her suddenly as she looked around at all the different people there.

"…maybe you should say something." Drago offered sincerely.

"I…I, Hsi, I-"

ELSEWHERE…

"He's not responding." Barubary remarked to Xan down in Hell as he kneeled before his master as best he could. "Your brother refuses to join our side. He only tosses insults at you. I didn't know he had such a mouth."

Xan rubbed his chin. "Well, we can't have that then…I have an idea though…bring me to him."

Barubary saw his master had something cruel planned, and nodded mutely. He led Xan back to Tchang, who was still chained to the wall. Only now he seemed to have gained some vigor back.

"You f—kin' piece of s—t traitor!" He snarled at Xan. "And to think you were the only one I ever confided in besides that boy! He was right when he spoke to me, there WAS something wrong with you!"

"Only I am not restricted as you or your stupid brothers and sisters are. I don't need "morals" or "ethics" when I have power. It's those in power, THEY are the ones that decide what is right and wrong anyhow. Now tell me…what's that little trade secret you learned on your travels about how to control Thunder? How did you get Raiden to pass that info onto you?"

Tchang laughed deeply. "I would never tell YOU!" He laughed.

"Fine. Then we do this the hard way. Barubary…take him to Room 1408."

Barubary winched. "Oh. That's not pleasant. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even a prisoner. But very well." He ripped Tchang from the chains and tucked him under his arm. "I hope you have a very, VERY high tolerance for mental anguish…" He told the Thunder Demon. "Because if you don't, you'll be in there for a very long time until you're willing to talk…"

Xan rubbed his hands together. "Now then, to my OTHER business. Who shall I call to deal with that annoying hanyouu devil hunter? Ah yes, now I remember…"

Meanwhile, Sandi and Shendu had finally arrived at the Eiffel Tower. The problem was, they couldn't reach the very top, you weren't allowed. So then…how to get the bell piece?

Sandi had an idea. "Hey Shendu…can you fly?"

"Yes, but if I try, then others will see me."

Sandi grinned. "Not if…" She leaned in and began whispering. Shendu's eyes went wide, then he nodded. "All right, but only do it just this once! I don't like you doing that sort of thing in front of other people."

Sandi nodded. While Shendu went into an alleyway to change into his demon form and fly up using the Talisman power of the Rooster, Sandi stood up on a nearby table and got the attention of the crowds of people by whistling, and then promptly tossing her shirt off.

**SFX: BA-BOOOOIIIIINNNGG!**

Ironically, at that moment, Nick's watch began to play a song. "What the?" He shouted, interrupting Jade.

"Oh booby, booby…my chest was supposed to grow! My cleavage wasn't right now!"

"Oh boy." Nick groaned. "Sandi's taking off her clothes, isn't she?" He realized. "A distraction to get the bell piece."

"What makes you think THAT?" Hao asked.

"The watch **never** lies." Nick responded.

"Make my boobies one more size!" The watch sang.

Luckily for lovers of decency in public everywhere, but unluckily for people who love boobies, something happened that stopped the whole scene. No it wasn't the cops, the French cops were ogling her just the same as anyone else. What happened was a creature suddenly appeared right above Sandi, slamming down on the ground in back of her, sending flying forward. She landed rudely and groaned in pain as the crowd of people screamed and ran. She turned around and came face to face with a very scary-looking demon.

He had a purple tattoo over his forehead, a fanged mouth, and was smoking a cigar. He had thick boots and gloves, a completely bald head, and a long, spiked tail. He also had wings that looked like they weren't used too often (poor things were tattered and rumpled) and his stomach was f—kin' HUGE. He also had a shotgun strapped to his back on the black and blue bandolier he was wearing. And, what creeped her out the most…three red eyes.

"Welly, welly well. What HAVE we here?" He asked. His voice sounded like he always had food in it, and most interestingly of all, the same tattoo was on his TONGUE. It was an unnaturally thick, red tongue too. "The little shaman Barubary told us about, Sandi Valmont."

Sandi stood up, quickly realizing she was still bra-less. The creature looked her over, snickering. "Nice underwear. I think I'd like to get a pair myself."

"…you're a GUY."

"Your point?"

"Wait, you're…you're a Lord Demon, aren't you? That creepy devil told me about you freaks."

"Right, right. I'm the Lord Demon of Gluttony, Beezlebub." He said, licking his purple lips. Now then, if you hand over the bell piece here in Paris, I'll only nibble on you."

"I haven't got it." Sandi said instantly. "Shendu was just about to-wait, why should I tell you what we're trying to do? You guys are total jerkfaces!"

Beezlebub threw back his bald head and laughed madly. Then he snarled. "Oh, not giving it up, huh? Too bad. Then you're lunch!" He snarled, jumping forward. Sandi jumped back as his jaws came down on where she had once been. She grabbed a nearby chair and swung it at him. He simply licked it up with his tongue and swallowed.

"A bit too bland for my tastes." He said, spitting out a splinter of wood. Sandi shrieked and ran through the streets after the crowd that had run. She hid in an alley and waited, hoping that he'd pass her by.

"Now you can't get away from meeeee!" Beelzebub yelled out. Suddenly his tone changed to something less menacing and more "oh, that's pretty". "Ooh, look at those diamond necklaces…"

CRASH!

He'd broken into a jewelry store? Huh? Oh wait, Sandi realized. Gluttony wasn't just a matter of wanting too much food, it was also about wanting material things waaaaaay too much.

"Hey, monsieur, you cannot simply-"

Sandi plugged her ears as crunching and chomping noises filled the air, followed by an unmistakable "BRAP" of Beezlebub finishing up his snack.

"So you won't come out and give me the bell piece, huh little shaman?" He roared. "Then I'll just have to keep eating all the nice tasty Frenchmen here until you do!"

Sandi gasped. She could hear people screaming as the Lord Demon of Gluttony advanced towards them. She couldn't let them get eaten! She ran out of the alleyway, tossing a trash can right at the back of his head. It hit him with a loud "KRA-CRASH" and he turned around, annoyed. Then he saw something in the trash.

"Ooh! Triple cheeseburger! And it's only half-eaten!"

Some people actually vomited as he tossed the trash can's contents into his mouth. Sandi wasn't one of them, but still…UGH.

"You EAT that crap?"

"Why not?" Beezlebub asked, shrugging. "It all ends up going the same way…the same way YOU'RE going!"

He suddenly reached for her and snatched her up, but then a clawed hand sank into his neck as Shendu grabbed him and pulled him back.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER." He snarled, biting into the fat jerk's nose. The Lord Demon snarled and punched him away. Shendu staggered back, then tossed Sandi the golden piece he'd acquired. "Hold onto it whilst I annihilate this fool!" He shouted to her. "Go get the others! I may…_ugh_…need their assistance."

"Wowzers. That takes guts to admit it if it's coming from you, babe. Okay, sure thing!" She ran off to get the others.

"Babe", huh? Heh-heh. Didn't know you had a heart!" Beelzebub chuckled, his stomach bouncing up and down.

"Shut up and die!" Shendu snarled, spitting fire.

Meanwhile…

"Maybe you should take each of them on a date." Nick suggested. "After all, what's the worst that could-" He stopped himself. "Better not jinx it." He thought out loud.

"Yeah, thanks." Jade said. "And besides, I'm happy with how things are now."

"Not that your self-torture over who you will choose as your boyfriend isn't interesting…" Hao spoke. "But I believe that Sandi wants our attention." He said, motioning towards the form that now sprinted towards them.

"Guys…big…evil…thingy…in…center…of…town…Shendu…holding…him…off…but…he…needs help…" She panted.

"Well, that's our cue!" Nick said, standing up. "Jade, Hsi, Drago, Hao, watch. I've picked up some tricks from reading martial arts books on the plane rides we've taken. I wanna test them out!"

As it were, Shendu DID need help. He was rudely thrown to the ground and Gluttony was snapping his jaws at him, trying to bite his neck. Shendu kept the savage Lord Demon away from him with his strength, but he couldn't concentrate enough to force him away with the power of levitation.

"You're running out of time, lunch!" Beezlebub snorted. He suddenly spat in Shendu's eyes. The Fire Demon snarled and shoved him off, clawing at his eyes whilst the fat Lord Demon drew the shotgun from his back. "Time to answer to "Black Beauty". Say goodnight, Gracie!"

"Goodnight Gracie!" Nick shouted, rushing forward. "ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"

KA-PLOINK!

Beelzebub's eyes went wider than trash can tops. He jumped into the air, howling. Nick shook his hands, going "ew-ew-ew". The demon's butt had been STICKY with sweat!

When the fatso came DOWN, he sent everyone ELSE flying into the air. He growled and rubbed his butt, turning to point at Nick. "You little gnat! I'll teach you to sting me on the arse!"

"…arse?"

"What, I don't like the word "ass", alright?! It's a pet peeve. Lots of people down in Hell have them, even Lucifer. He's got this huge pet peeve about us swearing. Maybe he picked it up from you!"

Nick groaned. "Oh sure, blame the weirdness of yourselves on me! It's your own faults for making the choices you have!"

Beelzebub raised "Black Beauty". "Tell it BB here." He grunted. "Time to die!"

Suddenly Shendu bit into his leg. Beelzebub howled in pain. "Yes, it IS time to die!" Shendu snarled. He jumped back and raised his hand to his bloody mouth, swiping some free. He then slammed it to the ground, making a strange circle. Nick realized he was doing magic, and that he had to buy them all some time.

"Get ready, fatty-fatty-two-by-four-can't-fit-through-the-kitchen-door!" Nick shouted, leaping into the air at Beelzebub's injured leg, martial arts costume on his body, headband tail whipping in the air. He raised his fist and slammed it into the big jerk's gut, then twisted his leg back and thrust it in as hard and sharp as if it was a lance. He then finished things off by jumping back onto the ground and closed his eyes, making the sign of a justu, a ninja art…

"What the?" Everyone gasped.

"He…could he have learned how to manipulate what aura he has left in THAT way?" Hsi Wu thought.

"Idiot kid! Posturing won't help you!" Beelzebub snarled. "You're lunch, you little-"

"_Kage Bushin No Jutsu_! ART OF THE DOPPLEGANGER!" He shouted.

**OONG!** A gong sound rang from the watch. And with "poofs", suddenly dozens of Nicks appeared around the original Nick, all wearing the same clothing. "What was that you were saying, tubbaguts?" About half of them asked. "Posturing wasn't gonna help me? Who said I was posturing?"

The other half grinned evilly. "And what did you say _earlier_? I was gonna be lunch? How about I serve you up a knuckle sandwich or two!"

"GET HIM!" The original Nick shouted. And every single one of them leapt at the Lord Demon of Gluttony, punching and kicking him. The others took this opportunity to attack as well, it was spectacular how well everyone worked together. Hsi Wu dived at his face, with his Sky Demon claws scratching over and over. Sandi began kicking the fat monster's other leg with Jade, and Drago and Hao had morphed into his half-dragon form and was tossing fireballs at Beelzebub, who was being forced back towards Shendu…

Who had just completed the alchemic circle. He stood up and held forth his hands, shouting "RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME" as he did so. A huge portal to Hell opened beneath Beelzebub, who shrieked as he was pulled in…

But he was STUCK.

"Oh I don't believe it." He groaned. "Maybe Satan was right, maybe I do need to lose some weight…"

"Stay down, you fatty mc-fat-fat!" Sandi shouted. Suddenly she raised her hands, and shouted something in a voice that seemed…BEYOND…that of what she was. A brilliant pink light shone from her hands as something formed from nothingness… a huge stick with a pink ribbon attached. Raising it high, she brought it down hard on Beelzebub, slamming it with full strength. FWOOOMP! Down he went!

Sandi dusted herself off as the stick vanished in shimmering pink light, then ran to Shendu, who had changed back to his human form. She kissed him full on the lips as they embraced, then when she withdrew, she beamed. "You were, like so totally awesome!"

Shendu had been surprised to see Sandi use shamanic skill, but blushed when she complimented him. "Aw, gee…I…I thank you, love."

Nick smiled. "Well, we got the bell piece, but we also have some time to kill until our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon. How about we all go sightsee around Paris?" He offered.

Hao nodded. "Now that sounds like a fine idea…"

ELSEWHERE…

Valmont sat in his chair, while his wife bawled. "OH, DADDY!" She sobbed. "NOOOOO!!!"

"Honey, please, calm down…" He insisted.

Sitting at the table the couple were at was a brown-haired man who was sipping a wine glass and wearing a racing jacket of red and white. He looked as refreshing as a spring breeze. Also at the table was a young man with a punkish hairstyle that resembled something a Greaser would have. Apparently Mr. "1950 cent" hadn't got the memo that the "Grease" era was over. His hairstyle resembled a torpedo, and the pompadour was almost as long as his arm. Also at the table, there was a nice-looking maid with a huge red apron on, a frilly hat, and black hair that hung down.

At the head of the table was a man with hair that was spiked back, a blue business suit, and a red tie. A friendly-looking girl with long black hair who was wearing a strange outfit stood cheerfully next to him with a large box next to her. "Ah-hem. As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's last will and testament."

"Well get on with it!" The racing dude said. "The bar's open soon!"

"_Oh, my poor dear daddyyyyyy_!" Mrs. Valmont moaned. "Oh, there, there, honey…"

"God, how predictably boring." Said the greaser-wannabe.

"Oh, I never worked for a kinder man." The maid said.

"If we are all ready, I shall proceed with the reading. "I, Arthur Muldoon, being of sound mind and body…"

"THAT'S a laugh! Ha-ha-ha!" The racing dude snickered.

"Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as such: To my overly emotional daughter, Jenny and her husband…"

"_WAAAA_!" Mrs. Valmont sobbed.

"Honey, he's talking about us." Valmont told his wife.

"Oh-oh." She calmed down and wiped her eyes.

"Who grubbed with her husband Julian…grubbed for everything they could get from me and then cried crocodile tears whenever I needed sympathy…" The executor read from the will.

"What?" Mrs. Valmont said, surprised.

"To Jenny I leave…a boot to the head."

"A _what_?"

A boot came flying from the assistant. It struck Mrs. Valmont on the head.

BOOT! "OW!"

"Oh, Jenny!" Valmont yelled. "Are you alright?"

"And another boot to her wimpy husband Julian."

BOOT!

"OW!"

"Ha-ha-haaaa!" The racing dude laughed.

"This is an outrage!" Jenny complained.

"Ah, but still, you are my daughter." The executor went on. "You have both admired my Rolys Royce and since I no longer need it…"

"Oh daddy, you were always too kind!" Jenny said happily.

"I bequeath another boot to the head."

BOOT!

"AAA!"

"Ha-ha-ha!" The racing dude laughed.

"And one more for the wimp!"

BOOT!

"OW!"

The executor of the estate went on. "Next to my alcoholic brother…"

"Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!" The racing dude said, putting the wine glass down. He brushed his hair back and looked around nervously, sweat going down his face, past the three scars on his right cheek.

"To dear Matt, who has never worked a day in his spoiled life…" The executor went on.

"I'm coverin' up my head!" Matt said, ducking underneath the table.

"I leave my wine cellar and 3 crates of my finest whiskey." The executor told him as his assistant wheeled out 3 crates from the doorway, taking her usual place.

"Really?" Matt asked, perking up in his seat.

"And a boot to the head."

BOOT!

"OH!"

"And another for Jenny and the wimp!"

BOOT!

"OH!"

BOOT!

"Argh…" Julian said as he sank down in his chair.

"Next, to my know-it-all nephew Dylan…"

"This is SO predictable." Dylan the greaser said.

"I leave a boot to the head!"

BOOT!

"UH!" He groaned, rubbing his sore head. "I knew it…"

"And another for Jenny and the wimp."

After two more boots to the head Jenny and Julian weren't getting back up from their chairs so quickly. The executor went on. "This takes care of family obligations. And now to Ms. Bryde."

"Oh, I don't want nothin'…" She said nervously and honestly.

"Who took care of me these many, many years…who cared…made me laugh…brought me tea…"

"Oh, I didn't mind." Ms. Bryde said, twirling a lock of hair.

"To Ms. Bryde I bequeath…a boot to the head."

BOOT!

"OOH!"

"And one for Jenny and the wimp!" The executor called out.

They didn't even get to pick their heads up as the boots hit them on the head. The executor brushed his hair back. "And so to my cat Shoe, I leave my entire, vast…"

"He's not really gonna…" all of the others thought.

"Boot to the head."

Poor kitty! Shoe went flying with a "ROWWRRRRR". The executor continued to read the will. "And finally, to my lawyer who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head…"

Loud growling could be heard as the assistant reached into another big box with tough-looking gloves on.

"But a rabid Tasmanian devil to be placed in his trousers?"

WOOP! Into his trousers the Tasmanian devil went!

"_**OOOOOHHHH!!!**_ OH-OH-OH AND I LEAVE MY ENTIRE ESTATE OF TEN MILLION DOLLARS TO THE PEOPLE OF DETROIT SO THEY CAN AFFORD TO MOVE SOMEWHERE DECENT! AAAA!" Finally the Tasmanian devil crawled out of his trousers and scampered off through a doorway. The executor took in several deep breaths, and then shook his head to clear it.

"Is that it?" Julian asked.

"That's **it**?" Dylan asked.

"That was disgraceful!" Matt complained.

"There is one last thing everyone." The executor announced.

Dylan gulped. Matt hid beneath the table. "Cover your heads, everybody!"

The executor raised the will and read "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."

**SFX: Cricket's chirping**

"…"

"…"

"…Ice cream?" Julian asked, intrigued.

"Hmm, ice cream…" Matt wondered, looking at Dylan.

"Ice cream? Is that all?" Dylan asked the executor.

"That's all." The executor told them.

"But what flavor is it?" Ms. Bryde asked.

"Boot to the head."

And the boots went flying all over again!

LATER…

Jade put her clothes away in the dresser of the hotel room she was staying in. A knock came at the door and she went to see who it was…

Drago, in human form. With a charming smile, he asked "Can I come in, baby doll?"

"Don't call me that, silly." Jade snickered.

"Aw, but you loved being called that! That or "china doll" sometimes." Drago said as he was led in. "I just came in to tell you that we're going to do some night-time swimming…except for Nick. He was so tired from all the sightseeing at the Louvre we just did that he went to bed."

"But it's only 9! Oh well." Jade commented. "Hey, could you help me push this in?" She asked, trying to get the drawer closed. Drago nodded and walked over. As he pushed it in, Jade found herself asking…"What were we like in the future?"

"Happy." He said. "You and I made a great couple. I fell for your laugh. And you fell for my smile." He smiled again.

He DID have a great smile, Jade said. "Aw, that's so sweet."

Drago chuckled nervously. "Well, we were almost as cute a couple as Sandi and Shendu. You see, in the timeline, Shendu had been freed to punish San Fran by King, then he met mom and fell for her. My dad mellowed out after marrying her, but then when she died, he…he went wild, and…they turned him back into a statue, and…you know the rest."

"Yeah, I'm still angry that you tried to kill my uncles." Jade said. She put her hands on her hips. "You're lucky you're so cute that I can forgive you."

"You really think I'm cute?" He asked.

Jade laughed. His little comment made her feel all hot under the collar. "You bet! Heh-heh! You're drop-dead gorgeous! You're so hot I could-"

Suddenly she felt VERY hot. And a moment later…

Her lips met his. And his met hers.

**Author's Note:**

**This was gonna happen sooner or later! And it only gets more complicated from here. What will Hsi think? How drastically has the future been changed by Jade's kiss? What new challenges await? Find out...later. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Consider this a Thanksgiving present to all you "Jade/Drago" fans.**


	39. Ireland

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT**

IRELAND

"You two sure seem happy." Nick commented to Captain Black and Finn. They had been anxious to get to Ireland. As they walked out of the airport with Tso Lan and Uncle, Nick couldn't help but smile. Their good mood was infectious!

"You bet we're happy." Captain Black said.

"It's time for our first ever family reunions." Finn explained. "Both of us have never been to any…"

"My family's kind of…stubborn and…they keep to themselves. Although I have this one super cute little cousin, she's wonderful." Black added.

"Same thing for mine. Cousin-and personality-wise. Luckily, somebody somehow convinced them to have a huge family reunion." Finn added to that.

They hailed two taxis and both Finn and Black ordered the drivers to head for "124 Main Street" in Belfast.

Nick was happy for them, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something big, something terrible was going to happen. He only hoped that Finn and Black's clans weren't the violent kind of Irishmen. He was also secretly happy to be in Ireland, he had Irish blood in him as well.

He wondered about something else though. Jade and Drago had given each other strange looks when they'd returned back to San Fran. Was there something going on between the two of them? How would The Sky Demon take it when he found out?

AS IT WERE:

"Jade." Drago said as Jade anxiously put her clothes away in her room back where they belonged. "We should talk about…"

"I don't want to talk, I…"

"Yes you do!" Drago shouted, going to her side and grabbing her arm. She looked into his handsome face and saw concern. "You and I are falling for each other. We were going to end up with each other anyway, weren't we? Somehow things have changed…somehow it's all accelerated."

"I can't do this!" Jade told him, pulling away. "Jackie and Uncle…they'd never forgive me if I-"

"If you were with the person you love?!" Drago asked.

"If I was with someone who until recently tried to kill us all! You were a bad guy until less than a week ago! I'm not…I'm not ready…"

"Yes you are." A voice suddenly said.

Drago and Jade turned to face the owner of the voice…Hsi Wu. He was in the doorway, in human form. He sighed. "Jade…I care about you. And Drago, if you ever hurt her, I will make you suffer. But I…I can tell. You two love each other, deep down you care about him, Jade. You may not be willing to admit it, but…it is true."

"But Hsi, I…" Jade spoke. She wanted to say "No, I care about YOU, you're one of the best friend's I've ever had, and..."

And she could see herself with him. But whenever she saw Drago's face…she…she…

"Jade…" Hsi walked over to her and held her hands. "I will be happy if you are. And if you'll be happy with Drago, I…I can accept that. I'm willing to be your friend no matter who you love."

Jade felt tears come to her eyes. She hugged him tightly. "You…you are so nice…I'm so sorry for all those times I insulted you."

"I'm sorry too." Hsi said. "Sorry for all the grief I caused you." He returned her embrace. "I want you to know that. Drago…you take good care of her."

Drago nodded. "I will, Uncle Hsi." He swore.

The Sky Demon nodded and let Jade go. He left the room. Once he had, Jade suddenly ran to Drago, hugging him. She had so many emotions in her, swirling and spinning around inside her. Her boyfriend held her tightly, comforting her. "Let it out." He told her. "Just let it out."

BACK IN IRELAND…

"Well, this is it." Black said as he picked up his bags and entered the room.

"Very nice ballroom." Uncle agreed.

"Tell me about this…Ireland." Tso asked Nick again.

"Well, Irish people have always had a bit of rebel in them. The English tried to "civilize them", but they wouldn't conform to the English Protestant Puritan lifestyle, clung to their old ways, and essentially told the English to go sod themselves. So the English said "if they cannot be turned, than they will be DESTROYED", and began a systematic series of attacks on Irishmen and their culture. Why, there was a huge potato famine-"

Suddenly Nick stopped. "WOAH. Look at all that red hair!"

It was literally a sea of red hair here and there. Nick had never seen so many Irishmen in one place. There was also a very big amount of dark Irish among them, and, believe it or not, there was an Irish brotha. No, not brother. Brotha.

"Top of the mizzle to ya me nizzles!" The Irishman laughed. "Names Rosey. I'm in charge of the hotel that your wonderful family chose to have their family reunion in." He addressed Black and Finn. "They're lovely people, we've been talking for about half an hour and your aunt, the one with the mole on her ear, she knows the funniest stories!"

"…Uh…thanks." Finn responded. "But uh, we're not related…"

"Wait…" Black suddenly said. He had a strange expression on his face. "Wh-what jokes did she tell?"

"She just told me the difference between a drum, a gong, and a potato. You can beat a drum, you can beat a gong, but you can't beat a potato, how'dya like that?" Rosey then chuckled deeply.

Black gaped. "Aunt Becca? Wh-whaaaa?"

Dawn broke over Marblehead. The two Irishmen turned to each other.

"Your aunt's name is…but MINE is named…"

"This means…"

"Oh jeez, we're…"

"Honey!" A frumpy yet nice-looking woman approached Black. "Augustus, my dear boy! How wonderful to see you! I see you've finally met your half brother Adam!"

Uncle gaped. "WHAT!?!"

"The two are related?" Tso Lan inquired. "How?"

"Oh, me and Adam's father are very close."

"OH!" Black gasped. "What would Dad say if he was still alive!?!"

"He knew about it. He filmed the thing, silly! He even filmed little Finn being born! Oh, he was such a sweetie!"

Nick had half snorted, half vomited. The compromise was a horrible snorting cough.

Black was spluttering. "Wh-why didn't I know about this?"

"Well, I was planning on telling you once the whole family got together! Good thing we finally did! Here, come on and meet the rest of your family! I imagine you two have some catching up to do with each other as well!"

Nick clasped the two on the shoulder. "Well this is really sweet! It's like something out of an old-fashioned movie. Now are you gonna shut your mouths and stop catching flies or are you guys going to check out the snack table? They've got Shepherd's Piiiieeee…"

"…well, I do love a good Shepherd's pie." Black admitted.

"Really? I LOVE Shepherd's Pie!" Finn realized out loud.

And just like that, they began to connect. Nick smiled as he saw how they began chatting with other people in the crowd of family members, and his smile got wider when he saw them holding each other with a beer in each of their hands, holding the beers up high in their mugs and singing "She wheels her wheelbarrow through streets wide and narrow!".

Then they accidentally spilled some beer on a person who's back was turned to them. "Oops. Sorry, Mr…"

"URIEL." The angel growled, turning around. Nick gaped. WOAH. The most zealous (and quite possibly psychopathic) of all of God's angels was here? And with Michael too! The great blond-haired warrior angel was chatting it up with someone who Nick guessed was Aunt Becca, because she had a mole on her ear and was telling jokes.

"Wh-what are you guys doing here?" Nick asked, a bit surprised.

When Uriel saw him, there was the briefest flash of hatred in his eyes before he grinned in a wild fashion. "Don't you know? We're practically the guests of honor here. Michael had stopped near here to check up on some business, but when he arrived, he found out there was going to be a family reunion for one of our charges."

"What?" Finn asked.

"You guys are part of the same clan that it's our job to protect. Your ancestors and we made a pact. We're your guardian angels!" Uriel told them.

Tso, not wanting to be attacked, had hidden in the bathroom. Wise. Nick rubbed the back of his head. "Um…are you angry with me for-"

Michael AND Uriel glared at him.

"Yep. You're angry."

"Bringing someone back to life…" Michael began slowly. "I can understand why you wanted to, I feel sorry for you, but it's something you just don't do, Mr. Grey."

"It goes against the natural order. Since we're kind of off-the-clock, we're not going to punish you, but if we see you again, you're in trouble." Uriel told him. "Oh, and if I see any of your demon friends, I'll disembowel them."

"Uh…right…" Nick gulped. He suddenly noticed that there were three flags flying above the table of snacks and food…the flag of Ireland, Scotland, and the Welsh flag. Nick liked the Welsh flag, it had a dragon on it. "Ooh, nice!" He commented at the sight of the flag.

Uriel snorted. "What, you don't like the Welsh?" Nick asked, a bit offended.

"No, I hate dragons. The both of us." Uriel said.

"Demons, Dragons, Djinn…"

"The Three D's"."

"Mischievous pixies and sprites, untrustworthy fox and raccoon spirits…ogres, trolls, goblins…"

"Oh, don't forget the Roc, the Gargoyles, Wyverns, Basilisks…"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Nick groaned. "What's so awful about magical creatures?"

"What is "awful" about them is that they have no souls." Michael said. "These…these THINGS are not human at all, they are monsters hiding underneath the guise of sentience. These…these THINGS may seem to possess intelligence, but what they have in guile and cunning they lack in morals and spiritual light."

"They are a blight upon this world. Most of them, anyhow. We of Heaven do not acknowledge their right to exist, they should have died with the flood, but NOOO, that Garden protected them. We do not question God's reasoning for wanting them alive, however that does not keep us from some good old-fashioned dragon slaying every now and then. All those wyrms have are a perverted desire to obtain and hoard wealth and to consume innocents and take their flesh into their bellies, to ensure their victims are forever suffering…" Uriel told Nick.

Nick blinked a few times, mouth open slightly. "Uh…your morbid fascination with dragon desire aside, you don't like any of their kind?"

"They are not like victims of a disease, child." Michael informed Nick in a condescending tone.

"They ARE the disease." Uriel finished. "We're the cure."

"Right, well, I happen to be friends with many of these "blights upon the world", and they're actually quite nice once you get to know them." Nick said with a biting, harsh tone.

"Then I recommend you keep them away from Uriel and I, or else I shall be forced to eviscerate them with my blade." Michael snapped, and the two walked off. Tso re-emerged from the bathroom, content they were gone.

"Yeah. _Charming_." Nick mumbled.

"Hi there!" A little girl suddenly ran up to him. She had long black hair that flowed down from her head, big "Bambi" eyes, a nice white dress on, and brown sandals. She was also wearing a golden bracelet that had a strange symbol on it. "Like my bracelet? Mummy got it for me! It shows I'm "A proud member of the clan"! Mummy says our clan's…er…what's that big "L" word?"

"Lineage?" Nick asked.

"Right! Lineage! She says we go all the way back to the very first people of Ireland…and we have Scottish blood too! Mommy says there's even some English relatives here, but cousin Tommy's being really mean to them, he says "Real Irishmen will n'er join with the English in anythin" or something like that. He's such a doody head."

"Heh." Nick chuckled. "What's your name?"

"Sherri! Sherri Zade! Big B and Addy are my favoritest uncles!"

"Oh, so YOU'RE the cute little cousin they were talking about." Tso remarked, rubbing his chin. He had a glass of wine in one hand and was swirling its contents around slightly. "You're very adorable." He admitted.

"Sherri!" Captain Black called out, with Finn right behind. "How about we go to your favorite flower field on the outskirts of the city? We have time to spare."

"You gotta see this place." Finn insisted to the others. "It's beautiful."

SOON…

"Oh…wow…" Nick gasped.

It…it was one of the most beautiful natural sights he'd ever seen. Uncle smiled and adjusted his glasses. Tso gaped. "Such…such wondrous sights…"

She had brought them to a large grassy field that was covered from top to bottom in flowers. The delicate petals of each flower lit up the field, twinkling in the sunlight. As she danced around in the flowers, Sherri laughed and spread her arms, her giggle making Nick smile. The flowers were of a deep beautiful blue color, like a miniature sea, but intermixed with the many flowers were four leaf clovers, and it all intertwined in such a fashion that it looked like a blue/green swirling whirlpool of flowers that blew gently in the wind.

Sherri took off her flowery yellow hat and grinned, holding it to her chest. "This is my thinkin' place! I go here when I wanna think about pretty stuff and all the happy things in my life! I count my blessings here too. Mummy says I have lots to be grateful for, and this place usta be a big church, so it's a great place to be grateful, that's what Mummy says."

Nick smiled. "Yeah, you…you do have lots to be grateful for, I'll bet." He chuckled. "Hey, what's over there?" He asked, pointing at some rock formations far off in the distance.

Sherri turned and looked at them. "Oh, that's the Cave of the Survivor", that's what Mummy told me. But Mummy doesn't know what the survivor's name was, nobody I've asked does." She grinned as she turned back to them. "It's a mys-ter-ee, hee-hee-hee! It was also parta the church, that's what Mummy said."

She giggled again, putting her hand to cover her mouth, then zoomed through the fields, playing "airplane". Finn beamed. "She's so sweet, isn't she?" He asked them all. "She's just the nicest little girl. She really makes everyone here at home smile. She tells wonderful stories too!"

"Oh yeah, she says she has 1001 stories." Captain Black laughed. "I've only heard 10 though, but she's definitely destined to be a writer someday."

Finn nodded. "Yeah, now how about we all head back? They're going to start the poker tournament up. Tommy's an amazing player."

"I don't think you'd do to well against him, Finn." Black snickered.

"Wh-what? Why?"

"I heard that that kid Drew took you to the cleaners."

Finn blushed and stammered. "He-he di-did not, I did not-not-"

"You ended up playing strip poker. I believe you had to head back only wearing your shoes."

"…I lost my favorite pair of underwear…" Finn grumbled. "Stupid kid!"

Nick scratched the back of his head. "Uh…I'll catch up with you." He said. "I think I want to stay here and lie in the flowers and clover."

As for Sherri, she'd gone over to the rock formations. She watched Black, Uncle, Tso and Finn walk off to the car while Nick laid down in the field. She was just about to go join Nick and look up at the clouds with him when she suddenly noticed something…the cave below her…it was blocked up by a big boulder, she'd seen that earlier that week. But now she noticed something that she could have only seen from the top…there was a root keeping the rock in there. If she pulled it out…

She pulled it out instantly. The rock, no longer supported by the little weight it needed that came from the root, rolled down the hill slowly, finally coming to a halt. Sherri hopped down from the top of the cave and peeked in.

"Hello?" She called out. "Hello? Anything in here?"

The cave was dark, no light penetrated it. It was impossible to see more than five feet into it. Sherri took a few steps further in. "Hello?" She called out softly.

"...who…who speaks?"

Sherri blinked. "Who's there?" She called out.

"Who are you? Is it you, Angel of God, the one that sealed me within here by that magic root?"

"Root?" Sherri blinked. "I pulled a root out, but Mummy says that people become angels when they die, and I'm not an angel yet."

Suddenly two eyes peered out from within the depths of the cave, deep silver in color. The voice spoke again, melodic in a way, entrancing, commanding attention, colorful. "Who are you, little one?" It asked. And suddenly the owner of that voice revealed his body. Sherri gasped.

It had a muscular, winged body with razor sharp claws, and talons upon its feet. Its tail swept back and forth, spiked from top to bottom. It had a red, hair-like crest running down from the top of its head to the nape of its neck. It had a scaly, reptilian body, and slightly slitted nostrils. Its scales were of a more lush green than any four leaf clover Sherri had ever seen, and the claws shone of silver.

"Who are you, little one?" It repeated in its voice.

"I'm…Sherri…Sherri Zade of the…of the Macwhite clan. I…I was just taking a little play break away from the family reunion we were all having when I pulled this root out that freed this BIIIIG boulder from the cave!" Sherri said.

"Be glad." The dragon told her, going up to her and smiling gently.

"Oh, really?" Sherri asked, smiling innocently.

"Be glad that your family shall soon have their lives ended." It told her, wrapping its tail around her back and drawing her close as it reared up higher, so as to stand up erect.

Sherri blinked. "Whu-what? What are you saying?"

"Make a wish of me." It told her.

"Oh goody!" Sherri giggled. "What can I wish for?' She asked, clapping her hands giddily.

"Tell me how you wish to have their lives ended, and I will grant it." It told her just as gently as before.

Sherri gulped. "Wh-why do you wanna hurt them? That's _**mean**_! I let you free! Why hurt my family?"

"It saddens me to have to do this to an innocent child. Much of my kind despises harming children. But I cannot let you leave to warn them…listen closely to my story." The dragon said. It reached down with a clawed hand and gently lifted her cheek up with the flat of one claw so that she could look into its hypnotizing eyes. "Listen well…you have heard of St. George, have you not?"

Sherri nodded up and down. He was a famous dragon-slayer.

"The dragon that he killed was one of my many ancestors. Our kind originally lived quite peacefully with all other beings far, far back into the past…until bit by bit we left the Garden and travelled around the world, like all other creatures. We soon developed ourselves as being wise and powerful in our culture, surpassing even humans. Some of us even passed on knowledge to your kind out of kindness."

The dragon sighed. "However, you repaid that kindness with doubt, with fear…with violence. We were different, and yet so much like you that you could not let us live. You know how the English treated your kind, the Irish. Most of humanity treated us dragons as nothing more than beasts to slay. It was a genocide campaign. You began to seek us out and slaughtered us whenever you could. Many were so disheartened they did not even fight back. Others tried desperately, only to die at the hands of your human sorcery, some of which WE had given you!"

The dragon laughed bitterly. "Ironic. If we hadn't helped you, you would never have advanced enough to annihilate us the way you did. In China, Japan, we were better accepted, revered as good beings…but a traitor sought to wipe out the last of us to take their power. Shendu was his name I believe…and here in Europe, your dragon-slaying knights, especially that St. George…you drove us almost to extinction."

The dragon laughed again. "But when St. George slew that dragon in that famous fight, he did not know that within that dragon was a power he could barely comprehend. As my ancestor lay dying, his lifeblood oozing onto the ground, he cursed your kind, cursing all those of the St. George line, and all those who followed the path of knighthood, who had twisted the ways of King Arthur to your own benefit. Half of the curse came true…knights are no longer around anymore, betrayed by their own kings, their own kindred. However, until the descendants of St. George atone for their sins against my kind, then I will never rest until I know vengeance."

Sherri gulped. She covered her head, quivering. Suddenly she felt a nudge as the flat of the dragon's claw lifted her head up again. She opened her eyes…

He was crying. Beautiful, crystal-clear tears flowed down his cheeks. It looked as though he would genuinely regret hurting her, or at least that he didn't want the little girl to suffer.

"Oh little one…if only you had not freed me from here. Michael and Uriel placed that magical root there, sure that no pure-hearted person would find it until they had returned from their business. But you have come…and worse still, you are of the St. George line, and so you and your family must be punished." The dragon spoke. His voice was so settled and smooth, it was comforting, yet frightening at the same time.

"Please…let me go…" Sherri begged. "I just wanna go home…"

The dragon shook its majestic head. "I cannot…you will stay in here while-wait…what is that on you? A…a magical trace…"

He leaned in close and sniffed her, then drew back, eyes widening. "The scent of Chosen! And shamans as well! Intermixed with the blood of Knights and St. George, they…they will be PERFECT…" A cruel smile appeared on his scaly features. "Yes, they shall be punished. You are going to take me to where your little family reunion is, now that I think of it, it seems foolish to go out and look when you can simply direct me there."

"Y-you're going to hurt my family, aren't you?" Sherri whimpered.

"Yes…" It whispered. "You will be unharmed, though, providing you simply do not get in the line of fire. I have no desire to see you suffer."

"HOLD ON!" A voice shouted. The dragon and Sherri turned around and came face to face with Nick.

"Nobody's going to kill anyone." Nick said, cracking his knuckles, his headband rippling through the air as his martial arts garb seemed to brim with great energy. "Not on my watch."

The dragon looked him over, tail curling around Sherri, who whimpered. "Come no closer or you will force me to do something I will deeply regret." He told Nick in a sorrowful tone. "To much of our kind, killing children is a terrible sin. The idea of hurting this little one disturbs me. Do not force me to make her suffer."

"Then let her go. Revenge isn't going to bring your kind back in droves." Nick told him. "Hey wait…how come Uncle's dragon locator didn't pick you up?"

Then he answered his own question AND made fun of Uncle, a twofer. "Oh, I get it. Dragon locator: Chineeese. Shendu: Chineeese. But this one is EUROPEAN."

The dragon tilted its head. "Somehow you…are…are familiar…familiar…" Suddenly Nick thought he heard the faintest trace of a beautifully clear, child-like, innocent voice burst forth. Then the dragon's normal authoritative, melodic deep voice spoke up again. "Still, familiarity or not, I must do this. Do not interfere, boy…"

"No. I won't let you hurt anyone."

The dragon suddenly rushed forward with surprising speed, pinning Nick down, holding Sherri up high in its tail. Nick struggled underneath the dragon's clawed hands. "GET OFF!" He groaned.

The dragon sniffed him. He suddenly gasped. "You're one of the Chosen I smelt! And…and you have…Templar blood. Hmm. I thought they were all gone."

Nick smiled in a proud fashion. "Not my ancestor! He got away on Friday the 13th!"

"Know this then: Luck has blessed you. You shall be spared." He then quickly leapt off of the ground, diving out of the cave, taking to the air, still clutching tightly onto Sherri, only know holding her in his cupped hands, up to his chest. Nick could hear her shriek.

"SHERRI! NO!" He shouted, jumping up. He had to stop that thing!

MEANWHILE…

Shendu and Sandi held each other gently in the bedroom they'd purchased for the night at a hotel in San Fran. Shendu had actually done the purchasing, he'd brought Sandi there for a big announcement. And as the words came forth from his lips, he felt himself blush. Yes, the fire demon's mini-demon form could blush.

"Sandi…now that we are each other's for now and forever, let us…consummate our love." Shendu asked of her. "I wish to make love to you and see a child grow so that we can be a family. I want to be able to say "Oh, he has your smile, your eyes"."

Sandi blushed. Then she kissed him on the snout. "I'd love to." She said. "Having a kid with you…you're the only one I'd trust to raise him."

Shendu purred like a great cat. "I thank you…" He whispered.

(WARNING! The next scene will once again be graphic in a sexual nature. Therefore I'm doing exactly what I did before…showing when it starts and when it stops with big JCAs. Here we go!)

JCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCA

JCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCA

JCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCA

Gently he laid her upon the bed. He carefully removed her clothes one by one. She removed her bra herself, and he undid his loincloth. In less than a minute, both were naked, and he was on top of her, humming gently, bringing his body closer to hers, wrapping his strong arms around her delicate form.

She wrapped her own arms around him, feeling the smooth back. His head leaned down and he began to pleasure her before he began the act, suckling on her breasts. Her hands reached up to his neck and held on tightly, clinging to him as she felt pleasure fill her. He finished with her left breast and moved onto her right, and she closed her eyes slowly.

Then he finished with her breasts and he whispered a single sentence. "Accept my blessing…"

"Yes…" She whispered back.

He thrust into her deeply. She let out a cry of brief pain, but soon that was forgotten as he and her rocked back and forth, intertwining like coils. His smooth scaly chest felt good on her body, and he was purring so deeply it felt like she was in a vibrating chair. Finally it happened…he raised his head, howling out her name, and she felt his seed enter her in a strong burst.

She felt tears fall from her eyes as he nuzzled her neck, the last of his seed slipping into her womanhood. His tail wrapped around her from behind, caressing her back in a loving fashion. Sandi looked up into his eyes and he gazed into hers. "Oh Sandi…" He told her sweetly. "How I love you…"

He proceeded to lick her, cleaning her almost, his tongue gently stroking each part of her body, starting from the top of her head and working his way down. This was typical of dragons. This action signified that the dragon would always care for the mate that it had chosen; honoring his or her spirit no matter what should befall them.

When he'd finished, he kissed her fully on the lips. "That…that was wonderful. It felt so…amazing." Sandi told him.

"You are amazing." Shendu told her gently. "You are everything I had hoped you would be. I am so glad you're mine."

"Me too." She said, kissing him back on the lips.

JCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCAJCA

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MEANWHILE…IN IRELAND…

"Okay come on now, take 'em off, Tommy."

"…fine, fine."

Tommy angrily slapped his underwear on the table. The others howled as Finn lifted them up above his head. "THE KING IS BACK!" He laughed. Tommy walked off, muttering under his breath.

Captain Black rumpled Finn's hair. "You know, I've been having a great time here!" He told Finn. "We really ought to get the family together more often!"

"I wonder how Sherri and Nick are doing in the field." Tso wondered in the bathroom. Yes, he was hiding from Michael and Uriel again. But he was also with Uncle, who was washing his hands.

"Little girl is probably telling rude boy stories." Uncle said. "About pixies and and knights and dragons no doubt…"

"Please lemme go!" Sherri whimpered from within the hold of the dragon that had kidnapped her.

"No." It said simply. "Just relax and close your eyes, I will be at my destination shortly. No harm will come to you if you simply do as I say."

"I won't let you hurt my mummy and daddy!" She shouted, striking her fists against his hands. But it was futile. They were far stronger than hers.

"Stop struggling." He told her. "We are here, at any rate."

Inside the hotel, Michael and Uriel stiffened up. They looked at each other, nodding.

"What is it, dudes?" Finn asked.

"A dragon is coming." Michael said. "One we thought we had imprisoned in the cave."

"The cave-wait, the Cave of the Survivor?" Finn asked.

"Aptly named. It is the home of one of the few surviving members of the dragon clan of this land." Uriel said.

"WHAT!?!" Black shouted. "But Sherri's playing near there, and Nick-"

"The girl is unharmed." A majestic voice spoke loudly from outside the hotel. Suddenly the front of the hotel came crashing down into pieces. All of Finn and Black's family members gasped at the sight before them as the dragon gazed down at them all. "Here." He said, placing his hand on the ground, unfurling it. Sherri was sitting in his palm, quivering in fear.

"SHERRI!" Finn and Black shouted, among others. Sherri's mother ran to her immediately, grabbing her and pulling her away.

"You monster! If you hurt her…" She shouted.

"I did not want to harm a child. The rest of you however, are good prey. Prepare yourself as death embraces you." The dragon threw back its head and roared. "You pay for your sins through the atonement that comes with your deaths! At last my ancestor's curse shall be fulfilled!"

"Not if we have anything to say about it." Michael snarled, rushing forward, drawing his sword. Uriel took out his bow and aimed.

It was a battle out of legend. While everyone ran for cover out of the hotel, the place was sure to be trashed, they DID realize what they were witnessing was something momentous, and so once safely out of range, they watched as the battle unfolded. The dragon belched flame at Uriel, who simply batted it aside with his bow, snickering. He WAS the Angel of Fire. Taking a new tactic, the dragon's tail lashed out and whacked him into the punch bowl, ruining his good outfit.

Michael was not amused. He suddenly swept up into the air on his wings and chanted something. Huge, golden chains appeared. Like a cowboy, he twirled them over his head before tossing them at the dragon and grabbing its neck. He then began squeezing, intent on popping the thing's head off while it tried to pull the chain off.

Realizing what the archangel intended to do, the dragon instead grabbed the chain with its clawed hand and grinned in a sickening fashion. "MY TURN." It snarled, yanking. Michael was thrust forward and the dragon punched him away. Then he pulled Michael back again, then punched him away. It was like the angel was a punching bag. After being knocked around a few times, the dragon finally ripped the chain off and tossed Michael to the side, advancing towards Uriel…

Who had drawn back his bow and was letting an arrow fly through the air. It struck the dragon in its shoulder and the thing howled in pain. Then Uriel chanted, and burning arrows shot forth from the bow, striking the dragon all over. It fell to the ground, howling, screaming horribly, trying to put out the flames by rolling on the ground.

Finally it lay there, panting, out of breath. A moment later more chains bounded it to the ground, and the triumphant Michael and Uriel walked towards it, each with their respective weapons drawn and ready. The dragon spat at them. "You sicken me." It snarled. "You soulless hypocrites, thou art far worse than I could ever be!"

"This is where your journey ends, beast. As we skin you and leave your body for the crows, sending thy twisted spirit to The Fiery Lake, know that you deserve this fate, as do all that are your kind!" Michael shouted, raising his sword.

And then…suddenly…a voice came from behind the crowd.

"There's something I gotta tell you, Michael!"

Everyone turned around…it was Nick. He walked through the crowd, past Finn and Black, past Sherri and her mother, past Uncle and Tso, and stood right in front of the dragon, crossing his arms as he stared intently at the two archangels.

"I REALLY don't like you and Uriel. You're so obsessed with killing these kinds of creatures, and in the worst, most painful way possible! Did you ever for one moment consider that maybe, just maybe, these creatures are more human than you think? That maybe they have feelings? That they have **lives**?"

Michael blinked a few times. But Uriel just snorted. Loudly. "How sad! Is THAT all you had to say? Wondering if these things have "_feelings_"? Dragons are really nothing more than animals. And like the animal this freak is, I'm going to enjoy **putting him down**!" He then laughed in a very creepy fashion. He walked up to the dragon and pulled back his bow, aiming to put an arrow in first the left, than the right eye of the beast. But then a hand grabbed his shoulder…

"You know what? That thing may have kidnapped Sherri, but at least he wasn't heartless enough to hurt her. He didn't want to, I heard him say it, saw him crying. I am NOT gonna let him get killed by an **ASSHOLE** like **you**!!!"

And then a fist met Uriel's face, sending him to the ground, hard. Nick spread his fingers as he intertwined the left fingers with the right, cracking his knuckles. "So then…that leaves Michael…"

Michael held his sword up, resting it onto his shoulder. "You…have made a big…mistake." He whispered angrily. "Nobody…NOBODY attacks an angel! You have defied the natural order for too long! I cannot continue to allow you to interfere with the laws of Heaven!"

"Your laws, huh? Last time I checked, the law included something along the lines of "treat others the way you wish to be treated", Mikey." Nick said in a furious manner. He was angry, just as angry as Michael.

The angel roared and swung his sword at Nick, hitting him with the flat of his blade. The kid went flying into the wall, collapsing on the ground. Staggering up, he turned to Michael and grinned. "You…shouldn't have done that…"

"And why-"

Suddenly the answer why became clear. Nick's head had hit the wall hard, hard enough for him to cut himself on the head. Blood was now on his hands…

He rushed forward, moving so fast, too fast for Michael to keep up with him, as the kid zoomed over to the dragon and immediately scribbled something on him…

The kanji for freedom.

The dragon roared, standing up, its wounds healed and its bonds broken. Its wings lashed out and caught Michael on the side of his face, sending him flying back. He groaned and felt it…blood. Uriel staggered up, and saw the dragon looking down at him.

"Sick freak." It muttered, knocking him away with a swipe. Nick and the dragon stood side by side, both looking furiously at the angels, who were glaring right back.

"You think that this is some sort of sport, Uriel? Is hunting down creatures like me a game to you?" The dragon snarled.

"Then game ON, b—hes!" Nick shouted. "You're not the only one who's ready to play."

Michael lifted his sword up again. "Then you shall feel the wrath of the Divine-"

Suddenly Uncle stepped forward, a pufferfish drawn. And Tso Lan, in full demon form, hovered by him. "You are outnumbered." Tso Lan said. "There are four of us and only two of you."

"So there's four of you. Big f—kin' deal." Uriel snarled. "Man, it feels good to be able to swear down here!"

"FIVE of them!" Sherri said, standing by Nick and the dragon, smiling at Uncle and Tso.

"SEVEN." Finn and Captain Black added as they joined in.

Soon seven became 8, then nine, then 12, then 20…

And finally everyone was standing against the angels.

"You've got no more power here." Uncle said. "Leave. You have lost this fight."

Michael and Uriel looked at each other and nodded. Uriel cast a hateful glare at Nick, pointing at him. "Oh, your time will come!" He snarled. "Your time will come!"

On that cheery note, they left, flying out through the wrecked opening. Nick turned to the dragon. "Now then, about your little revenge plan…"

The dragon shook its head and raised a hand. "No need to say anything. I am satisfied. Happily satisfied. I needed an ancestor of St. George to atone…" He looked down at the gathered people around him and smiled happily. "And they have atoned quite well with their kindness towards me. I have no quarrel with the Clan Macwhite anymore."

"Well, that's all well and good!" Rosey complained. "But my hotel's TRASHED! What am I gonna do now!?"

Nick tapped his chin. "Well, er…"

The dragon grinned. "Leave that…to ME." He held his hands together and began chanting. In seconds, all of the damage that had been done was repaired as chairs, ceiling tiles and bricks flew back to their proper places, tables re-righted themselves and the big fancy sign of the hotel was pieced back together.

"WOAH. How did you do that?" Nick asked.

"Time magic. Simple really. I know a little of every kind of spell, it's sort of necessary if I want to survive out here in this world."

"Know any magic to get my clothes back?" Tommy asked.

"You're on your own, kid." The dragon snickered. "Now I must take my leave. I have to go find some dinner."

"You could stay for the mutton." Finn said.

"…alright. Why not?" It asked.

"Wait…what's your name?" Nick asked.

"…Draco." The dragon told him. He smiled at Nick. "And…I think you and I do know each other somehow…"

**BGM: Stolen, by Dashboard Confessional**

Soon the party was back in full swing. Finn and Black were sipping mugs of ale with the dragon, who was drinking straight from a barrel. Sherri was telling stories to Tso, who was enraptured by the little girl's amazing charm, and Uncle was playing strip poker…and winning, amazingly.

Suddenly Nick's phone rang. The "Steel Samurai" theme music that made it clear that it was Jade calling him made him pick up the phone. "Hello, Jade! How's it going?"

"Nick, you're-you're not going to believe this, but…"

"But what?"

_Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced, another sun-soaked season fades away…_

"We KISSED! Me and Drago! We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend in the future, and now we're getting together nice and early!"

Nick blinked a few times. "So…wait…you two are really…getting together?"

"Yep! I can't deny what my heart says." Jade said. "Every time I see his face, I feel so…anyhow, I wanted you to know."

"How is Hsi taking it?"

_You have stolen my…heart…_

"Well, uh, actually he…he was okay with it. He said that Drago had better never hurt me, and that as long as I was happy, HE was happy."

Nick rubbed his head. "Well, uh…I'm glad you're happy, Jade." Nick said. "So I'll see you back at the store, okay? Bye!"

As he shut the cell phone though, another call suddenly came up. It was Sandi's phone. He flipped his cell open and put it to his ear. "Sandi?"

_Clear liquor and…cloudy eyes, too early to…say goodnight!_

"Ohmygawd, Nick, we did it, we did it! I'm gonna be a mommy!"

"Wait, what?"

"I'm gonna be a MOM! Oh, this is so awesome! We like, made love tonight! We're totally together for life! Oh, I feel so great! Isn't it awesome that I'm gonna be a mom?"

"Uh…yeah, it is!" Nick realized. "You and Shendu make a good couple. I'm glad you two make each other so happy."

"ALL of you make me happy." Sandi laughed. "I'm glad I've got friends like you who'll be there to help us if we're in trouble, right?"

Nick didn't even hesitate. "Of course we will."

"Thanks! You rock! Later much!"

Nick turned off the cell phone. And suddenly, he felt…something inside of calling out.

And his mind wandered…

"You know what?" He told Molly as he held sat on the couch, with her resting her head on him. He looked down as Molly turned into Hannah. "I'm really glad that you're my girlfriend."

Hannah became Lilo and smiled. "Me too." She said, with a voice not merely her own, as the two held each other and hugged tightly.

_And from the bottom floor, we are in celebration…one good stretch before our hibernation! Our dreams assured…and we all…will sleep well…sleep well!_

"Okay everyone, let's take a group shot!" Black and Finn's mother said. "On the count of three…"

_Sleep well…_

Nick rushed in to get included. "Two…"

_Sleep well…_

He brushed his hair back and smiled.

_Sleep well…_

"THREE!" CLICK! SNAP!

"All right!" Sherri said, running to her mummy, hugging her tightly. Her dad picked her up and twirled her in the air, and everyone laughed happily. Nick watched her being twirled, and found himself walking outside. The stars twinkled in the night sky as he stared up.

_You have stolen my…_

And as he thought about the relationships of the ones around him…some just beginning...

(Shot of Drago and Jade kissing in her bedroom as Drago brushes her hair back.)

_You have stolen my…_

Some that had been going on for very long…

(Shot of Valmont and his wife looking at each other's eyes at his wife's house. The two held each other's hands after a moment of gazing intently.)

_You have stolen my…heaaaart!_

And some that were turning into something more deep and lovely than before…

(Shot of Shendu and Sandi twirling each other, laughing happily.)

_I watch you spin around in your highest heels, you are the best one…of the best ones!_

And then Nick thought about the families he'd seen. So happy…

(Shot in Nick's head of the Chan clan all smiling together.)

_We-all-look-like-we…feeeeeeel!_

So united even in the deepest of tragedies…

(Shot in Nick's head of all the demon family members together, back when they were kids, laughing and smiling as Nick told them stories.)

_You have stolen my…you have stolen my…you have stolen my…_

So perfect and together…

(Shot of the inside of the hotel as everyone watches Sherri being twirled around in the air.)

And he realized something.

_Heeeaaaaaaaaaart!_

"It could have been me." Nick sniffled, a single tear going down his eyes as he looked up into the night.

(Music ends.)

**Author's Note:**

**For those who can figure out where that lovable cousin comes from, I award bonus points! I like how this chapter turned out, dontcha' think?**


	40. On the Border, Pt1

**CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE**

ON THE BORDER, PT. 1

"Nick, you okay?"

"…I…I dunno. Just…leave me alone, okay?"

"…come on, Nick. Talk. What's up?"

"NOTHING I WANNA TALK ABOUT." Nick insisted again.

Nick and Shin had gone off on their own to the German/Transylvanian border. Nick had initially been surprised that in this world Germany and Transylvania had gained so much land. No more Yugoslavia, no more Hungary, no more Austria, no more Czech Republic. And he'd never imagined that a civil war would have broken out in Romania, leading to the Transylvanians taking over.

"It was tragic, tragic, all those people dying." Uncle had said. "If Clinton had not intervened with his peace-keeping actions like he had in the Balkans, then many more lives would have been lost."

"Of course, now most of our troops are over in Iraq." Jade had complained.

"Are you insulting president agaaaaiiiin?"

"Please excuse Uncle. He is a Republican."

"You say "Republican" like it is a dirty word!"

THWACK!

"OW!" Nick shouted.

"You will respect party of Abraham Lincolnnnn!" Uncle said, withdrawing his hand.

Nick had promptly left for the airport where one of Valmont's many choppers would take them to the border. The question of "on which side did that thing land" still remained. Nobody knew the answer though. So the only thing to do was go up and down the border until they found it…or until trouble found them. Whichever came first!

Luckily, they had some help. Apparently one of El Toro's newfound friends, Hellboy, had arraigned for them to meet with a…what was the term he'd used? "Experienced Expert" who would help them search for the bell piece, one who was apparently used to the atmosphere in the extremely volatile spiritual setting that was Transylvania.

Hellboy had told them that their contact was to be called "Tony Redgrave." Hmm. Somehow that name was…very familiar.

Shin was nervous. He'd been so for the entire plane-ride. He kept jiggling his leg and biting his nails. Finally Nick could take no more.

"WHAT are you freakin' out about, dude?" He asked, putting down his copy of "The Truth, with Jokes". He'd been reading a part about how the Uzbek regime boiled people in bouillon as part of their torture program.

"I can sense it, I can sense something terrible is going to occur…and soon." Shin mumbled. "I can feel it in my veins, ripping through me like tissue…we're going deeper and deeper into places we ought not to be diving into…"

"Transylvania is not that scary nowadays." Nick said. "…I think. Anyhow, if you're worried about vampires, I packed a bunch of stuff to, um…ward, yeah, ward, those foul, undead creatures of the night off."

"Like what?" Shin asked.

Once they'd gotten off the chopper, Nick showed Shin what he'd packed, putting his backpack down and pulling out item after item. "Water guns filled with holy water…and a little shooter to clip onto my leg." He held up what looked like the "Noisy Cricket" from "MIB" and strapped it to his left leg, near his ankle. "Silver stakes." He held the stakes up…they gleamed in the sunlight in an impressive fashion. "I also got garlic chains."

"PHEW! They smell awful! Did you pack-"

"Rosemary too." Nick added. "I also have crosses." He held up silver crosses, three of them. "We gotta make them count."

"Why all the silver?"

"Werewolves are practically allergic to the stuff. It's not just vampires we might need to fend off. And finally, I have THIS." He held up a bible, with rosaries hanging from within it, marking Nick's spot in the Good Book. "It's good for use against creatures of hellish origin. I start speaking psalms, their ears start bleeding. At least, that's what Uncle said when he packed all this stuff."

"So why bring your stick?" Shin asked.

"It's like a good luck charm." Nick said, putting his backpack on and picking his stick back up from the ground, twirling it. "It's also my grandpa's memento. Now come on. This "Redgrave" guy is supposed to be waiting for us at the nearest bar. Man, what is it with demon hunters and drinking?"

"Better not ask him when we see him." Shin remarked. "I wonder what he looks like?..."

ELSEWHERE…

Jade, Drago, Hao and Hsi were in school. The teacher was asking a question about "Paradise Lost" for their English class. Hao was there as a assistant for the teach, although right now he was just taking a break. "Now then, who can tell me what Satan is portrayed as in the beginning of the novel? Anyone? Anyone?"

"Would you two stop undressing each other with your eyes and pay attention?" Hsi whispered harshly. "We're lucky that they sent the homework to us at our houses and that we've been able to keep up because some of us have wisdom of hundreds of years going for us. I just want to get through this class and head home to play pool with Hao."

"I'm going to cream you." Hao said, taking a sip from his little hip flask. Nobody bothered to ask what was in it, and what was in it was whiskey.

"JADE!" The teacher yelled. "Pay attention. What's the answer?"

Jade stopped looking over at Drago, who winked at her, then nodded at the teacher. "Right, uh…he's a…tragic hero?"

"Correct." The teacher said. "Now then, what is his famous line at the beginning of-"

"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Lily said, raising her hand. She was kind of slutty for her age, yet also very beautiful. She had raven black hair, long nails, and liked dressing in black and pink, especially in a mini-skirt. She had golden nail polish, a nice touch.

"Yes, Lily?"

"That "_tis better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven_", right?"

"Right! Very good, Lily, that sounded quite passiona-"

BRRRRIIIING! The bell rang.

"Oops. Out of time. Remember, study "Paradise Lost" for the test on Friday! And I am NOT going to keep loaning you all pencils!"

The next class was going to be easier. It was Spanish. Jade and Paco had it together. Hsi, Hao and Drago didn't have classes though, they had a study period. Odd…so did the rest of their family. Now they didn't have it before…so how had they gotten it?

"Now, what's the deal, Principal Winkler?"

"…I give you study periods at the end of the day and you don't release the photos to the press."

"Right. And we get extra dessert at lunch."

"…I hate you kids."

"We know. Oh, and don't forget to give Mr. Ryu that raise. He needs to pay off one more payment on his Mercedes."

Jade bid goodbye to them and walked into her class, sitting down. She noticed Pico Wesson was also in there, looking at a book in front of him that read "Streetwise Spanish".

"Is it any good?" Jade asked as she sat next to him in her seat, with Paco right behind her.

"Oh, it's very good." Pico said. "I'm learning all kinds of new words from this. It's a good thing there's books like these, I read somewhere that by 2010, half of America will be speaking Spanish."

"Hey, what are you reading, Cassandra?" Paco asked of the gothic chick. She looked over at him and brushed her blood-red hair back.

"…nothing much." She said, holding her book up. It was a book that had the title "The Gothic Dictionary". "Just brushing up on my terms, y'know."

"Hey, what's in your backpack?" Pico asked.

Cassandra grinned. "Oh, you'll see." She looked over at Lily, who smiled at her.

BRIIIING!

"Okay class, settle down, settle down." The blond haired teacher said. "Now then, let's begin. Today we're going to talk about fruits and vegetables in the Spanish language. Let's start off with apples. Apples are what, Ms. Chan?"

"Oh, that's easy." Jade said. She was getting better at this. "Rojo, redondo y sabroso."

"Good!" The teacher said. "Very good. Now then, what is the Spanish word FOR "apple"? Can anyone tell me?"

Pico raised his hand. "It's manzana." He answered.

"Very good, Pico!" The teacher said.

Lily raised her hand. "Ooh, teacher, I gotta pee really bad, can I go?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

Lily left the room as Cassandra opened up her backpack…

"Who can tell me what the Spanish word for "orange" is?"

There was a CLICK from outside…

TRANSYLVANIA…

"So what again was the Holocaust?" Shin asked as Nick entered the bar.

"I told you, I don't wanna talk about it." He mumbled. "It's not a subject people like talking about anyhow. A lot…a LOT of people died. Good people. Innocent people. Most of them Jewish. Others were gypsies, socialists, homosexual…"

Shin's mouth went shut. He got it. "Hate-driven genocide, then." He mumbled. "How awful."

"It was." A voice spoke from nearby. They turned to see who was speaking. They gaped. The man was perhaps one of the most impressive-looking experts they'd ever seen. His white hair fell down around his face, and he wore smooth black gloves with black boots. He had slightly baggy dark red pants, with a brown belt that had a grey skull insignia on the front. He also had on a huge, flowing red coat, with no undershirt. He had a strong, well-built body, and a handsome face. He had a large zweihander sword strapped to his back, made of some kind of black steel, and custom-designed .45 caliber pistols strapped to his belt.

The first thing they noticed in the bar was his grey/hazel eyes. The second thing they noticed was what he was wearing. The third thing they noticed in the bar was…

There was nobody IN the bar.

What the?

"You got ten seconds to explain what a demon's doin' here with you, kid." The expert said, raising one of his guns and pointing it at Shin's forehead.

"He's only a demon title-wise. He hasn't got any demon blood in him. He's also a Goth, and pacifistic." Nick said.

"A Gothic, pacifistic demon? I don't see any of those nowadays. Think they all hid away or got turned into stone and put on church roofs…anyhow, alright, I believe you." The expert put the gun away. "I recognize you from the television."

"What?"

"Yeah, that attack on New York got broadcasted, don't know how, just glad it did. You did something that took balls." The expert held out his hand. "Dante at your service…Tony Redgrave is my fake name. And uh, don't go making cracks if I've been through an inferno, alright? Me and Virgil got enough of that from other people in our childhood."

"Oh, now I remember where I've seen you!" Nick realized out loud. "You're from Devil May Cry, aren't you? The demon-hunting agency."

Dante nodded. "Now then, let's get a move on. This place won't be safe for long. There have been…problems."

"What kind of problems?" Shin asked.

Dante sighed. "Well, you see, Transylvania's been having some problem's lately with their government, so they haven't bothered to spend time dealing with the spiritual assaults on the people. There's this annoying vampire trio that hangs around this county, and the people here would still be on their menu if Lucia hadn't called me up asking for some help. She has friends here, you see."

"Oh, Lucia. Your friend, right?" Nick asked. "Well, how about a deal? We take down these vampires, you help us find the bell piece?"

"Well you would get the bell piece anyway, whether you offered to help or not. I haven't got any use for it, but THEY do."

Shin groaned. "You mean to tell me that foul undead creatures of the night have obtained a piece of the bell of the heavens?"

Dante shrugged, as if to say "That's just the way it goes". It was annoying to be sure, Nick thought. He had hoped there wouldn't be this many vampires. One he could handle easy. Two would have been a challenge. But three…hmm. That worried him. Things that came in three's usually were very good or very bad, never something in between. And here, things were very bad.

"We should have brought some more stakes." Nick mumbled.

"Luckily for you two I know where they're hiding out." Dante said. "Unfortunately, they happen to have a boss they're working for who's got the village spooked out of their mind, and more unfortunately, they're in the Ambridge Mansion."

"Who is their master?" Shin asked.

Dante brushed his hair back. He pulled out his gun and cocked it, leading them out into the streets. "Asmodeus."

Shin turned pale. "Oh no. Not him."

"You know that joker?" Dante asked.

"Know OF him." Shin said. "I know much about him. He's the Lord Demon of Hate."

"I see my reputation precedes me. As does yours, son of Sparda, and Demon of Shadow." A voice spoke.

They looked up. Sitting on top of three HUGE bats (no doubt the vampires) was a faun-like creature. He had a big thick brown beard, with hooves for feet. He also had a serpent's tail, and sharp teeth. His breath was hot, even though he was floating above them all they could feel it just the same, and he was very healthy-looking and, despite the goat-like bottom half, sorta nice-looking.

"Asomdeus, at your service. I take it you're here for…this?" He held up something from a bag he was carrying. It was the bell piece. "Well you can have it by all means…if you survive my castle over there." He said, pointing at a castle far off in the distance. "A friend of YOURS is waiting for you there." He said, pointing at Nick.

"Is it true you were once the angel Sariel's lover?" Shin asked. "I've heard rumors, I didn't think they were true."

Asmodeus stopped smiling. His eyes glinted with pure, unbridled malice and hate. "YES." He spat. "That f—kin' freak was…was my lover. Stupid hermaphroditic angel."

"Sariel's a what?" Nick asked.

"Hermaphrodite." Dante said. "One who possesses both male and female genitalia."

"EWWWWW!" Nick said, sticking out his tongue. "GROSS!"

"She and I used to…used to be so close." Asmodeus went on. Suddenly there wasn't malice in his tone, but…but something else. "I…I loved her…and…and she said she wanted to spend her life with me, to be married before God, to have Raphael himself be our ring-bearer, he's a good man."

"He is." Nick admitted.

"Even demons can respect some angels, I suppose." Dante admitted. "But from what I heard you joined up with the Devil, and she wouldn't go with you, right?"

"…she shoved me aside. She turned me away. I begged for forgiveness from her when it was over and she…she…she tore out my heart and stepped on it, that's what she f—kin' did!" He snarled. "I will make her pay one day. But…for now…" He grinned cruelly again. "You want the piece? Come to the castle. We'll be waiting. But uh, maybe you should join us, son of Sparta, Demon of Shadow. My vampire friends, they're…not as forgiving as I am."

"Take your offer and shove it." Dante said.

"Ooh, such harsh words! Well I will see you inside, then." Asmodeus laughed, and the bats flew off with him on their backs. Nick shuddered.

"That guy is CREEPY…we really gotta fight him? How about you take him, and I'll kill the vampires?"

"Fine by me." Dante said, re-checking his gun to make sure it was loaded. "I hate being called "son of Sparda" all the time…and he talks too f—kin' much."

ELSEWHERE…AT THE ANTIQUE'S SHOP…

Tohru carefully held a vial over a huge beaker of color-changing liquid.

"Now careful with that essence." Uncle told him. "Remember, your chi is flowing into it. You must be calm and collected so that the chi potion we are making will be of a good nature. If it's volatile, then it will explode on contact."

"Oh, making more aura-magnification potions?" King asked, walking into the room. "Uncle, your fellow chi wizard looks stressed."

"I am just…a little nervous."

"Well, I do have green tea." King remarked. "Here." He held some green tea underneath Tohru's nose. "Relax and let it's fine scent fill you with scenes of peace…"

Tohru took a deep breath. Relax the chi…release the chi…

He carefully dropped the vial's contents in.

Ploop.

…

…

…nothing happened. Odd. No, wait…it was turning gold! Perfect.

"A success!" Uncle said happily. "Now we can get to work testing it."

"How?" Tohru asked.

"Drink up." Uncle said, grabbing the beaker and holding it up.

"Uh, sensei, I don't think-"

Too late. Glug-glug-glug! Down it went. Tohru spluttered slightly and staggered away from the worktable. Uncle put the beaker away. "Now, how do you feel?"

Tohru rubbed his head. "Uh…not that different, sensei."

"Try to picture forming an aura orb in your hand." Uncle suggested. "If the potion truly worked…"

Tohru nodded. He held out his hand and concentrated. Sure enough, a swirling blue aura orb popped up, floating around in his palm like a firefly. It was very pretty.

"Perfect!" Uncle said. "Now we finally have a working aura magnification potion that can be manifested for much longer periods of time. We have outdone ourselves, Tohru!"

"I'll go make us all some more green tea to celebrate." King said, going into the kitchen.

As he put the kettle on, he suddenly felt a chill. Something…something was wrong. Very wrong.

One of his chosen was in danger…

Suddenly the chill became frigid and icy, a total freeze. More than one of his chosen were in deep danger. He had to do something, and fast!

But what was the danger? What was threatening-

Then it happened.

"AIYAAAAH! Thunder Demon outside shop! Tohru, get castanets-"

KA-FWOOOM!

A thunderbolt broke through the window and struck the worktable, sending Uncle and Tohru flying back. Tchang Zu ripped open the front of the antiques shop and cracked his knuckles. "Ah. It feels so good to be back out. Now then…" He pointed at them. "We have business…"

"Shouldn't you be in Hell?" Uncle complained.

"And shouldn't you be DEAD by now!?!" Tchang Zu snarled, sending a bolt of lightning at Uncle. Luckily…

"REFLECT!" King shouted, thrusting his hands forward. A shimmering, mirror-like shield appeared in front of Uncle, bouncing the lighting back. It struck the carpet, making a huge burn mark, sizzling.

"Uncle's shop is being ruined! Hot-cha! Thunder Demon is going to paaaaaay!" Uncle shouted, pulling out his trusty puffer fish.

"Indeed." Tohru said, taking up a fighting position, as a blue aura slowly seeped into the air around him.

"Even if you think you can match me in strength…" Tchang boomed. "It matters not, for I am not the only foe you need to worry over! Your sweet little niece and her schoolmates are all in grave danger, and your precious chosen Nick is soon to be under attack now as well! Not to mention…" Tchang grinned cruelly. "A certain shaman came along for the ride with them…much to their surprise."

"What?" Uncle exclaimed. "WHO?" Tohru asked.

But King's eyes went wide. "Sandi…" He whispered.

"Yes…" Tchang said softly. "She hid in the helicopter, in the back where they could not see her, from what my master told me. She wanted to develop her shamanic powers, and to help out her friends…how touching. How futile. Now she will watch as her friends die, and with her sorrow, Grand Devil Barubary will be freed! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!!!"

ELSEWHERE…

"This castle gives me the creeps." Nick said as they walked into the grand hall. There were tattered curtains, cobwebs, and cracks in the ceiling and walls. There were also…

Well, something occasionally looked out from the darkness…something…that wasn't human. And Nick could…could smell things. Things that smelled like death and blood…

"What HAPPENED here?" Nick asked.

"…horrors nobody should have to see. The shadows were staring back at you. Eyes watched from the inky blackness behind every window. THINGS…emerged from the walls to clutch you. There was blood and body parts everywhere, a man was disemboweled and hung up on top of the ceiling, nailed by his hands and feet. The mirrors…well, you can guess. There were things here that all beings fear. This place is cursed. Nobody's ever lasted longer than seven days except for one man, and he had Heavenly help…"

"YEEK." Nick gulped. He was getting the Willies over and over here in this place.

"Don't split up. We stay together." Dante said. "And keep your eyes peeled for-"

"ARROOOOOOO!!!"

"Werewolves." Dante groaned. "You brought silver, right?"

Nick removed a cross from his backpack, nodding.

"Get ready…" Dante said. Suddenly a form jumped on him, clawing and tearing. Dante was firing, Nick was frozen stiff.

Suddenly Shin shoved him down. Nick looked up to see him being carried away by a winged form. "AAA! NICK, HELP!" He shouted.

Not wasting any time, Nick immediately flung the cross. It whizzed through the air like a boomerang, striking the winged creature on the head. It shrieked, bursting into flames, falling to the ground as Dante plugged the creature that had jumped on him full of holes. Shin crawled away from the burning carcass quickly, visibly disgusted.

"Oh, that thing smelled AWFUL!"

"Vampires are so disgusting." Dante spat. "Then again, werewolves smell like wet dog…"

"Oh, DUDE. Your shoes…" Nick snickered.

"…I…hate…werewolves…" Dante snarled, refilling his gun with silver bullets.

"They hate you too!" A voice cackled. They all looked up and saw a woman with long red , curly hair glaring down from a stairway above them all. Next to her was a woman with long blond hair, grinning in a sickening fashion. They had on skimpy wedding dresses and were overcompensating for SOMETHING with all that flashy jewelry they had on. They also had stiff, hard breasts. Nick tried not to giggle. He failed.

"What's so funny, little boy?" The first one snarled. "I'll tear your tongue out if you're making fun of me in that little head of yours."

"Now, now, Aleera, you're pregnant. You shouldn't be fighting." The other one said.

"Marishka, shut it." Aleera snapped. "Asmodeus says I can fight all I want. And I'm thirsty, haven't had anything to drink since yesterday!"

"I hate anyone that talks more than I do." Dante said, suddenly throwing down his jacket. "NEVAN!" He shouted.

Suddenly a woman with very long red hair and ruby red lips appeared next to Dante in a shower of…well, BATS! She had pale skin and wore dark clothing. When the two vampires saw her they hissed "Traitor" at her. She flicked them off, then suddenly turned into a dark purple guitar.

"Stand back." Dante said to Nick and Shin, who ran to the side. The vampires lunged at him from above…

Dante began rocking out on the guitar, fingers flying quickly over the strings. To Nick and Shin's awe, a large whirlwind of purple and black energy swirled around Dante, tearing the vampires into pieces, their remains becoming dust. Dante finished the rocking and put the guitar down. It vanished and he placed his jacket back on.

"You TRASHED them!" Nick said, walking over with Shin. He didn't notice that he'd left his stick and backpack near the column he'd been hiding behind. "That was absolutely fricking A, Dant-"

Then the worst possible scenario for a haunted house appeared. The floor gave way.

"AW SH-------------TTTT!!!"

"AAAAAIIIIIEEEE!"

"AW DAAAAAANG!"

…

…

…what the?

Nick woke up, rubbing his head. He was somewhere in the basement of the mansion. How weird. There was…piano music playing?

He turned his head.

Suddenly something made him shiver. There was a piano far off in the distance of the large basement…and there, playing at it, was a naked being with grey skin. It turned its head. Those large white eyes…pinpoint black pupils…it stared at him, it saw him, it SAW him, and that music…

Nick screamed and ran for the nearest stairs, running into…

"OW!"

He hit the ground, groaning. He opened his eyes and saw…

"SANDI!?!"

"Hi Nick. Ow, that hurt!" She helped him up. "I like, totally snuck onto the copter while you guys were travelling here. Good thing too, you guys are totally lost! Good thing I have this!" She held up a flashlight. It was very big. "Now come on, let's go find the others."

Nick could barely believe that she had snuck onto the copter alone think that a flashlight would solve their problems. Still, some light WOULD be helpful, and…

"My backpack!" He realized. "Where's-"

Sandi held up his backpack and his walking stick. "Good thing I was following you from behind when you dropped them both. "Here." She gave his things back to him. "Let's go find the others, okay?"

"I can't let you do that." A familiar voice spoke, emerging from the shadows. "You will be added to the list of innocents that perished in these halls." Barubary said. His gigantic form blocked them all from going further.

"Sandi, run." Nick said, twirling his stick. "I'll make this jerk cry for what he's done-"

Barubary threw his head back and laughed in a frightening fashion. "YIAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! Foolish Game Master! The only time a devil can cry is when it's **all over**."

Suddenly Sandi grabbed him and pulled hard. She tugged him along as she bolted away from the monster, running down the hallway. "We've got to get somewhere where there's more room! Come on!" She yelled.

"Wow, you're good at this stuff!" Nick said. "How'd you get so fast?"

"I dunno!" Sandi admitted. "I think it's my shamanic stuff working for me!"

"I wonder if Dante's alright…he's so cool. Wish I owned him. And JCA for that matter…" He added under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Just keep running!"

Meanwhile…

Shin rubbed his head as he looked around. He had landed somewhere in the basement, and was surrounded by…mirrors. Odd. He looked at each of them, and they all showed his form.

"Ooh, I look pretty good…except for my hair being messed up." He realized, fixing it up. "That's bett-what the?"

Shadowy hands reached out from the mirrors. "_Hold you…hold you…_" They whispered.

Shin ducked, holding his hands over his head. "Go away! Go away!" He shouted.

"_Noooo…hold you…_" They whispered, grabbing him, raking their clawed hands over his body…

Suddenly everything went black…the mirrors shattered into nothingness. Shin lay panting on the ground. He had no idea how he'd done it, but he had to leave. NOW!

Elsewhere…

Dante snapped his fingers. He'd landed in a strange part of the basement and needed to see. "Ifrit, some light."

"Yesss massster. Your wisssh is my command, of courssse."

"You just like saying words you can hiss to, don't you?"

"Absssolutely, massster."

A firery dragon rose from Dante's gauntleted wrist, licking it's scaly lips with a long, forked tongue. It clenched and unclenched it's talons on the floor as it twirled its tail around, lighting up the room with its body's flame.

Dante saw where he was…in a toy room section of the basement. There were sightless dolls everywhere, black eyes gazing at nothing. It was creepy. And…he could hear them speaking baby talk softly…

"Agni. Rudi." Dante asked, snapping his fingers again. Two huge, bulking Golems appeared, snapping at attention.

"Yes, master?"

"You called, master?"

"Scour the area. Look for the two kids. I'm gonna go after the big boss after I take care of these…things…" He grinned in a feral way. He raised Alastor, his sword. "Hey Alastor…do you like dolls?"

"**No."**

"Me neither." Dante said, rushing at the dolls, who suddenly shrieked and tried to run.

Tried. Failed.

FAR AWAY…

"…show yourself." Lucifer said out on the balcony he stood on.

Vassago emerged from the shadows, his soul-searching eyes shining brightly. He had a sad smile on his face. "Lord Demon of Pride, Horseman and Avatar of the Devil, such a sad soul...tell me…why do you fear confronting him?"

"…I…I'm…I'm not that scared…" Lucifer said, and suddenly his voice was slightly different, less frightening, less deep, more honest…

"You are scared enough though." Vassago insisted. He brushed his thick red hair back and sighed. "I should have realized it sooner. You are afraid to tell him what happened to you. You hide behind that helmet, afraid to show your true face, one who used to be so innocent and loving, one who only wanted to help, to make the world better…"

"The world will be better when we're in charge." Lucifer said suddenly. "I'll make sure of it. Once all are in Hell, all will be equal. To make all things equal, to make Life fair, that is my ultimate duty. I will NOT fail. I'm the strongest of all the Lord Demons, save for The Grand Master. Not even Xan could match my strength if he attempted to fight me."

"One can match your strength."

"Who?" Lucifer asked, turning suddenly, eyes narrowing behind the visored helm he wore.

Vassago smiled, showing those fangy teeth, and vanished into the shadows with a whisper.

"Yourself…"

**I WANNA KNOW! **

**MORE CHARACTER BIOS! **

**HAO RYU **

Hao was just an ordinary boy…or so he thought. When it was revealed to him at age ten that his father was Shendu, a noble dragon/demon sorcerer, he was not only shocked…but frightened. He did NOT want to become evil. He did NOT want to be a demon sorcerer. He had spent much of his childhood being a really nice kid and reading comic books and manga, of great superheroes who always did wonderful deeds. However, his dragon side emerged soon after the revelation, and demanded to be let out. Hao asked him if he would turn him evil. "I am you and you are me. What I do is up to you, what you do is up to me. What will you choose?" his other side asked. Hao chose good, and is able to switch from human to half-dragon form all the time. However, since he still needs training, he's been under watch from a mysterious spirit…who's not a good guy. His most common exclamations are swears that become patriotic slogans like "God!...bless America" and "OH-…say can you see?" and so on and on.

**PICO**** WESSON **

One of Jade, Paco and Nick's classmates. Has "The Warrior's Gene" in him, which runs through his family and makes him incredibly powerful. Put a weapon in his hand and he's a frickin' TERMINATOR. Especially with guns. Sadly, he likes Techno. Best friends with Nene and Darnell and happens to be a natural leader.

**NENE CHOW **

One of Jade, Paco and Nick's classmates. Has many guys lusting after her, is a great dancer, and also happens to be extremely good with a knife or a sword. Possibly into self-mutilation, from what the rumors say. Has tried to commit suicide several times and failed. Best friends with Pico and Darnell.

**DARNELL SHIV **

One of Jade, Paco and Nick's classmates. Has "only 6 months to live" from what he keeps telling people but it seems he's been dying ever since they all were 5. Likes fire. A lot. Set fire to his old school "just to watch it burn" and always carries matches. . Best friends with Nene and Darnell.

THE HEAVENLY HOST:

**MICHAEL **

Important figure in Heaven. Often called the "Right hand of God", with Gabriel being the "Left hand". Very, VERY into his work. Has a sort of "middle of the road" approach when it comes to upholding the rules, and is fairly nicer than Uriel towards non-believers. Likes fighting, though not as much as Uriel, and is usually very collected. A natural leader. His most common exclamation is usually "Who's in charge?" or words to that effect.

**GABRIEL **

Important figure in Heaven. Often called the "Left Hand of God", with Michael being the "Right hand". Gabriel is a friendly, kind angel who's good at what he does. Is very VERY good when it comes to music, and takes a more liberal view when it comes to upholding the rules. He's usually very patient and rational, although not nearly as rational as Azrael, who barely expressions anything emotional at all. If you put a scythe in his hands, he becomes a killing machine. His most common exclamation is usually "Now hold on!"

**RAPHAEL **

Important figure in Heaven. Experienced in traversing through Hell and Heaven. Can heal any wound possible save for self-inflicted ones…those are tricky. Happens to be very, VERY good with a spear or lance, and is known for being the first to charge in the Great War. Takes a very liberal position when it comes to the rules, the complete opposite or Uriel, really. Once had a relationship with Leviathan, and it hurt him to send her to Hell. His most common exclamation is often "Everything's going to be fine".

**URIEL **

Important figure in Heaven. Extremely experienced in fighting. Known for being harsh and very pitiless. He's extremely fanatical in his work, and is very, VERY much a fervent swearer and curser. He's an expert with a bow and arrow, and has a great mastery over fire. Takes an extremely "by-the-book" approach when it comes to upholding the rules. Very passionate, he often clashes with Raphael and "doesn't care what the Raphie the Hippie thinks". Has a rivalry with Vassago, who he once sent down to Hell as a slave. His most common exclamation is a curse of swear of some kind.

**AZRAEL **

Important figure in Heaven. Azrael is none other than the Angel of Death, and EVERYONE, from demons to humans to angels, feel some fear for him in some way, shape or form. He's creepy, not very social, the strong, silent type…did I mention creepy? Smells like apples, interestingly enough. When it comes to upholding the rules, generally follows a "rational" approach, thinking things through and weighing what action is best to take before actually taking it. He doesn't really have any exclamations at all.

NOTABLE FORCES OF EVIL:

**VASSAGO **

A Prince of Hell. He's a demon of a "good nature", and is generally very friendly and nice. He's got soul-searching eyes, and likes to take the appearance of a tough youth in a dark jacket with a tattoo of a hawk on his right hand. Pearly whites are VERY white and sparkly. Has a fierce rivalry with Uriel, and has sworn to "tear his flesh", among other things…otherwise very sociable. One of the few Princes who honestly care about their charges.

**BARTIMAEUS **

A Djinn who seems to appear out of nowhere and disappears just as quickly as he _appeared_. Charming, friendly, and not without a sense of humor. Also likes making fun of his more perverted charges. Generally takes the form of an Egyptian boy, and enjoys conversing with humans.

**ASTAROTH **

A very disturbed demon that's usually put in charge of torture. Also likes making books of "famous last words" and such of the charges he's torturing. Since there are new people coming in all the time and nobody ever really dies in Hell, the books are filled up quickly. When he's not being cruel and sadistic, he likes getting naked, riding on wolves and dogs, and teaching math and science. Always, ALWAYS fulfills requests and answers any question given to him.

**BARUBARY **

A Grand Devil of great power. Once a deadly foe of a hero from another world, he was eventually defeated by the blue-haired hero in single combat. After death, his spirit was absorbed into his God, who was defeated soon after, and thus he thought he could look forward to the bliss of death…unfortunately, he was brought back to life forcefully by the Forces of Hell and ordered to make certain people suffer. Has a code of honor, interestingly enough, and seems to have genuine regret for his actions within him.

THE DEVIL'S AVATARS:

**SATAN **

Lord Demon of Wrath and Heart of the Devil. A bratty demon who looks like an angelic kid. Tattoos are impressive, but otherwise there's few nice things ANYONE can say about him. Always wants to "have some fun". He's opposed by the power of Forgiveness and Peace.

**LEVIATHAN **

Lord Demon of Envy. Very much a tomboy and a "b---h". Used to look a lot nicer and was very sweet, then she joined the dark side and got all scaly and evil. Had a "thing" with Raphael. Wishes she was Lillith most of the time. She's opposed by the power of Kindness and Generosity.

**LILLITH **

Female Half of the Mind of the Devil and Lord Demon of Lust. Very slutty, and a bigger witch than Leviathan in some ways. Can make ANYONE fall in love with her. Is an even bigger slut than Bai Tsa, AND Xiao Fung. She's opposed by the power of Sincerity and Purity.

**MEPHISTOLES **

Male Half of the Mind of the Devil and Lord Demon of Lies. Very wise and smart, yet doesn't really tell the truth…to ANYONE. Not unless ordered to by a superior, or if he feels like it, and he usually doesn't. Opposed by the power of Knowledge and Wisdom.

**BEELZEBUB **

Lord Demon of Gluttony. An over-indulger, he's willing to eat food out of the trash. He can't get enough of material possessions, and is always wanting new things. The only thing he won't replace is a shotgun of his, called "Black Beauty". Opposed by the power of Temperance and Abstinence.

**ASMODEUS **

Lord Demon of Hate. Once he used to be a nice, sweet being, but having been "burnt" in the past, he makes those around him hate as fiercely as he does. But keep this in mind…the hate had to come from somewhere. Opposed by the power of Love and Hope.

**BARBATOS **

Lord Demon of Greed. Wants not just material things in a whimsical fashion like Beelzebub, but in a more "THIS IS MINE" fashion. Want things even if others have them, but doesn't want to BE the people. Dislikes Beelzebub. Opposed by the power of Charity and Friendship.

**BELPHEGOR **

Lord Demon of Sloth. Not the most clever of demons. Lazy, shiftless, sleepy-headed. Yet if angered, he's a true terror. He's tolerable when sleeping or calm, but rousing him when he doesn't want to be roused is a mistake. Usually likes to hang out with Bartimaeus. Opposed by the power of Trust and Diligence.

**LUCIFER **

Lord Demon of Pride, and Body of the Devil. The most powerful of the Lord Demons save for the Grand Lord. Says he needs no "outside help" and follows "his own rules", ignoring any sort of greater standard. Hides a great secret. Opposed by the power of Humility and Justice.


	41. On the Border, Pt2

**CHAPTER FORTY**

ON THE BORDER, PT.2

Elsewhere…

"This is awful!" Jade screamed as she ran down the hallways with Paco right next to her. They turned into the Janitor's closet and locked the door. Pico, Darnell and Nene were also in there. "Guys, can you believe Cassandra shot up the teacher?"

"What was it she said?" Paco asked. "I could not understand a word."

"End fascism, "Kein Mehrheit Fur Die Mitleid, and "BeRzErKeR"." Pico told him. "And I had a feeling something like this would happen…"

"Yeah. We all did." Darnell admitted.

"Oh God! Someone kill me!" Nene screamed, huddling in the corner. "I can't take it anymore!" She took out a razor and began slicing her leg. "What?!" She shrieked at Jade. "Sometimes I cut myself to relieve the pain…"

Cassandra had pulled out a gun from her backpack, a machine gun. She'd blown apart much of the classroom, the teacher included, just as she had been asked what an "Orange" was in Spanish. Her gang had apparently swept through the school and were shooting kids at random.

Oh, incidentally, the word for "Orange" in Spanish is "Naranja".

Suddenly a knock came on the door. "HEY! Open up!"

"Oh God, its Cyclops!" Nene gulped. "He'll kill us!"

"Not if I can help it." Pico said, going to a poster that was pinned up on the wall. It had a picture of a smiling woman giving a thumbs up, and read "Chicks with Dicks: 2x the fun!" He ripped it down and a large safe was exposed with a voice recognition system.

"The janitor and I are close friends." Pico said. "We had something planned in case something like this happened."

"Emergency Password: Cloud Control." Pico said in an authoritative voice that Jade had never heard before.

The safe swung open. Pico reached in and pulled something out, tossing it to Nene, then pulled out something else and tossed it to Darnell. He finally pulled something out for himself.

"Let's do this." He said, raising his AK-47, cocking it.

"Got that right." Darnell said, fingering the flamethrower in his hands.

"…I'm ready." Nene said as she lifted the huge machete in her hands.

Pico raised an eyebrow. "You guys got a preference for weapons?" He asked Jade and Paco.

Jade blinked. Then…

"Any pistols?"

"I would love a shotgun, Senor Pico."

The door knocked again. "Hey guys! Lemme in, PLEASE!"

"Hey, that's not Cyclops, that-"

They opened the door and Lily flung herself in. "Oh GOD, I don't know how I managed to get away…they're going crazy! Please don't tell them I'm in here!" She begged Pico.

Soon…

Cyclops paced the hallways. "Man, this is f—kin' boring…"

"Hey…"

Cyclops turned around and came face to face with the barrel of Pico's gun. "Run home to Mommy before I make you suck lead, Cyclops."

Peeing in his pants, Cyclops ran screaming out of the building, hollering for his mother. Pico grinned. "Man, who does he think he was kidding anyhow? Nobody's impressed by his fakey teen angst. First he was a Pearl Jam fan. Then he was running with the G-Squad for a while. And now he turned into a punk. What's the deal? He should just pick a trend and stick with it."

"Yeah, well don't you listen to Techno?" Nene teased.

Pico brushed his hair back, turning slightly red in the cheeks.

"I hope Lily will be safe in the closet." Jade said.

"She will. Now then…to the cafeteria. Cassandra's hiding in there." Pico told them all.

"I'm afraid I can't allow that…" A low voice said.

They all looked down the hallway and saw that blue-skinned kid with the afro-like hair that everyone knew as Alucard. "I have orders…you can't leave alive…"

He was surrounded by…corpses…

Jade almost vomited. Paco began praying in Spanish. Pico's eyes narrowed. "You're so sick." He said.

"I'm about to look even sicker." Alucard said coldly, raising his left hand. A shimmering orb of light appeared around him, blue in tint, and suddenly a blond-haired body was flung at Pico, who hit the floor, groaning. He looked down at it. "Oh, no…Henrietta…" He realized out loud. "And I was supposed to get you a bike horn for your birthday…"

"You won't need a bike horn where you're going." Alucard said, raising his hand again. He was about to fling a body at Darnell…

Who fired at Alucard. Alucard grinned as the flames licked around his shield. "That won't stop me…" He said, snickering. "And you can't get to the Cafeteria anyway, the door is locked, and I've got the key…"

Suddenly he realized that the flames were falling off…and onto the corpses, which burnt up quickly. "No…NO! You d—n little…" He snarled.

Nene made her move. She was suddenly rushing forward, slashing and slicing at the shield. Alucard couldn't concentrate. He was sent flying back, and he hit the ground hard. Pico raised his gun.

"Hey-hey…do-don't…I'll give you th-the key…just take it and leave me alone!" Alucard said, throwing a golden key to them and covering his head. "Now leave me alone! I'll sue you for harassment! I have nothing further to say without my lawyer present…"

Inside the cafeteria, Cassandra and her cronies were pacing up and down in front of the captured kids who had been eating lunch. "Now then…" She said. "The first thing you have to understand is that we're all nonconformists."

"Right." All of the Goths said at the same time.

"Nobody tells us what to do or how to act. We're all free-thinking individuals."

"Right!" They all said at the same time.

"And furthermore…"

"HEY! CASSANDRA!"

**BGM: Cloud Control, by Dimrain 47 (ID 77513) **

Cassandra and the others looked up as a Goth kid suddenly hit the ground, hands blown off. He shrieked in pain. Cassandra turned her head, snarling. "PRICO!"

Pico, Nene, Darnell, Jade and Paco all stood there, with Paco's shotgun smoking.

"Let's dance, sugar." Pico said. "My warrior's genes are itching for a fight."

Cassandra grinned in a sadistic fashion. "Anytime, pumpkin." She whipped her head towards her cronies. "WASTE 'EM ALL!"

The Goths all drew their guns. One close to Nene tried to grab her…he was skewered, then flung off the sword at a crowd of shooters, who hit the ground. Darnell then jumped at them, flamethrower belching out fire.

Meanwhile, Jade and Paco ran side by side, firing left and right. Jade found she was a natural with the pistols, taking pot shots at each of the school shooter's hands and feet to cripple them, while Paco's shotgun blasts sent the little Nazis flying through the air.

Pico was the best out of all of them. The bullets whizzed around him, but he ducked and dived and cracked off shot after shot, striking them down as they tried to reload or get a bead on him. Cassandra was fuming, her men were being swatted like flies!

Nene cut a nearby Goth's head clean off, licking blood of the edge of her lips. "They're losing, Pico! Take out Cassandra!"

"We got these jokers under control!" Darnell said. "BURN!!!!"

"OH MY EYES!"

"BURN SOME MORE!"

Cassandra raised her gun and fired. It hit the edge of Pico's hand and he dropped his gun, yelling. Cassandra grinned cruelly. "Oh, looks like you lose, PRICO. Too bad."

Jade gasped. If only he had just one gun…

"Now it's time for you to die!" She snarled. Suddenly she tore at her skin, and began to change…her body became all black, her eyes bugged out, horns grew from her head, and she now had a huge red BEARD, with clawed hands and taloned feet. She didn't even look remotely human now. She also had…well, a penis. She shrieked and raised her hands to tear Pico apart.

He rolled to the side, dodging the strike. She kept swinging down, he kept rolling. "STAY STILL, PRICO!" She snarled.

Pico was in trouble. He couldn't keep this up. Jade looked down at the pistols in her hand. "CATCH!" She yelled, throwing them at Pico. He jumped through the air, arms outstretched, and caught them in his hands. He landed on his side, guns pointed at Cassandra's new, exposed genitals…and fired.

BA-BLAM! BA-BLAM!

Cassandra shrieked, then exploded in a burst of goo and black blood. The survivors wiped themselves off, and Pico stood up, handing the guns back to Jade. "Thanks." He said. "You got the warrior's blood in you too."

Jade rubbed the back of her neck. "Thanks."

"Oh thank Goodness you guys are alright!" Calvin yelled, running to them from the kitchen. He had his stuffed tiger in his hands. "I hid in the kitchen, but Tommy Chestnut came to find me and he had a BIG gun. I was so scared!"

"What happened to Tommy Chestnut?" Pico asked.

"Hobbes ate him!" Calvin said proudly.

"Ugh! He needed a bath too!" The stuffed tiger said.

"…uh…I don't see no string attached to that tiger…" Darnell spoke.

"Just go with it." Jade said.

(Music ends.)

ELSEWHERE…

Shin found himself lost in the mansion. He had escaped from the basement, but was lost in one of its many hallways. Worse still, every time he looked behind him he was sure something black was sneaking back into the walls. Something that didn't want to be seen. He kept walking, trying not to freak out…

Then the zombies came from out of the doors. Faces sagging from their bones, eyes blank and dull, hands grasping out to grab at him...

Hey, this WAS a haunted mansion. What did you expect to come out from the walls, **Barney**?

"Oh dear." Shin remarked. And he ran. OH did he run.

Cue the running-through-multiple-doors-while-being-chased-by-angry-monsters-in-a-hallway scene that you see so often in Scooby Doo! Complete with musical aid!

**BGM: It's Terror Time Again, by Skycycle **

_You hear the screeching of an owl, you hear the wind begin to howl…you know there's zombies on the prowwwl! _

_And it's terror time again! They've got you running through the night! Oh it's terror time again! And you just-might-die-of-fright…it's a terrifying time! _

_You hear the beating of your heart, you know the screaming's gonna start…here comes the really scary part!_

_And it's terror time again! They've got you running through the night! Oh it's terror time again! And you just-might-die-of-fright…it's a terrifying time! _

_All the trees begin to moan…and the monsters grunt and groan…rotting faces full of slime, dontcha' know it's terror time? _

_And it's terror time again! They've got you running through the night! Oh it's terror time again! Oh, you just-might-die-of-fright…it's a terrifying time! _

Despite the fact that the zombies were faster than Shin had thought they were, he was outrunning them, and it looked like he might get away!

...until a blurry shape whizzed across the hallway and grabbed him, throwing him into a huge room and locking the door. He landed hard on the floor and looked down…

A Satanic Alchemy symbol was below, a pentagram with the script for unleashing evil, written in blood.

"THAT is a hell portal." Asmodeus said, walking towards Shin on his hooves. He cracked his knuckles, eyes shining with hate. "Barubary came forth into this house through there…you'll be going where he came from, and also through there. All I have to do is get enough of your blood to touch the seal, and then say the necessary chant, and down you'll go, you little f-ggot." Asmodeus spat out the last word with utter venom, although every word seemed to instill a sense in you that he wanted to rip your head off.

"You're sick. You need help." Shin said, standing up.

"No, YOU'RE the one who needs help!" Asmodeus laughed, suddenly rushing forward, so fast, so incredibly fast. Shin could barely block in time as Asmodeus's fist rushed for his face to break his nose…

Elsewhere, Sandi and Nick had retreated to the attic and were climbing up a stairwell. Opening up the door at the end of it, they found themselves at one of the worst possible places…the roof. It was an almost perfectly flat, square roof, with spires all around the ramparts. Storm clouds were gathering, with lightning flashing.

"End of the line…" Barubary whispered, breaking through the doorway to tower over them. "And now little shaman, your life will also reach its end."

"You coward, picking on someone as innocent and sweet as Sandi!" Nick shouted, martial arts costume activated. He flew through the air…but was struck down with Barubary's arm. The Grand Devil walked slowly toward Sandi on his long, spike-like legs, looking down intently with all three eyes.

"Your friend calls me "coward". I know I am. But I MUST return, no matter what it takes. Don't worry, your end will come now. No more painfully drawing it out, I promise." The Grand Devil told her gently. She looked down at the ground, clenching her fist. "Think of this as a kindness…now you will not be able to see others suffer for your sake. With your body floating within me, I shall return to my world."

Suddenly Sandi raised her head and let out a mighty battle-cry. Nick gasped as her body glowed brightly, shimmering slightly in the night, illuminating the darkness all around them as thunder rolled in the cloudy, stormy night.

"I'M GONNA FIGHT TOOOO!" She shouted. She jumped into the air, so impossibly high, and punched Barubary right in the face. He went flying back and hit a spire of the roof, groaning as he fell to the ground. "I'm gonna fight too!" Sandi told Nick as she helped him up. "I wanna prove that, I can TOTALLY take care of myself, that I'm not just some damsel in distress!"

Nick blinked, and then rubbed the back of his head. "Gee, Sandi…I never thought of you like that…you're a friend. I saved you because I really like you, and because I wanna save everyone."

"Well I'm gonna save you too, because I really like you too!" Sandi said in her usual perky fashion.

Baurbary picked himself up. "Well then…BOTH of you…time to die!"

**BGM: Wake Me Up Inside, by Evanescence**

Shin faced down Asmodeus as rain assaulted the windows of the room. He took in deep breaths, looking deep into Asmodeus's hate-filled black eyes, his peaceful gold into hateful black.

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb…_

As rain poured down on Nick and Sandi, the two held each other's hands briefly, nodding at each other. The Grand Devil waited, his tail moving back and forth…

_Without a soul…my spirit sleeping somewhere cold…  
until you find it there and lead…it…back…_

_Home…_

Lightning struck. So did they, as they all rushed forward. Nick and Sandi leapt up, dodging a tail strike and aiming for the Grand Devil's chest while Asmodeus's feet find Shin's face, sending him flying into the wall.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark!_

Shin jumps right back, doing a spinning kick to Asmodeus, who is knocked right back, and meanwhile Nick and Sandi are knocked to the ground by Barubary's arm. He raises his claws to impale them…

_(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run!  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone!  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become!_

The two roll away, then rush off in different directions, then do a quick turn and jump up, aiming at different parts, while Shin and Asmodeus run around the room, occasionally leaping at each other in kicks.

_Now that I know what I'm without,  
you can't just…leave meeeee!  
Breathe into me and make me real,  
bring…me..to life…_

Nick and Sandi strike Barubary's head and side respectively, and he howls in pain. Sandi and Nick leap back, giving each other thumbs ups just as Barubary's tail slams into Nick, sending him flying through the air…towards the edge!

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark!_

Sandi rushes forward to help him, but Barubary's claws pin her to the ground. He raises her up, chuckling cruelly. Suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eye…

_(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run!  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone!  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become!_

Nick's headband ribbon hooked itself onto the spire, and he is now standing in triumphant fashion on it, as rain streaks down his cheek and clothes, and lightning splits behind him. He spits out some bloody spit, then suddenly runs forward, arm and fist enflamed…

_Bring…me…to…life…  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring…me…to…liiiiiife!_

As he delivers a Shoryuken to Barubary, making him drop Sandi, Asmodeus strikes Shin across the chest with his long tail, then grabs him by the arm and flings him to the ground, pounding on the back of his head.

_Frozen inside, without your touch without your love,_

_Darling, oooooonly you are the life among the deeeaaaaaaaad!_

Shin suddenly twists around, kicking Asmodeus up in the air. He then leaps up and begins delivering super-fast punches to his stomach, while Barubary launches energy waves at Sandi, who cartwheels away.

_All this time I can't believe I couldn_'_t see,  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me!  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything!_

Nick and Sandi are panting on the roof, facing down Barubary, who pants as well. They then all charge at him…

_Without a thought without a voice without a soul!  
Don't let me die here,  
There must be something more!  
Briiiing meeee tooooo liiiiife!_

Shin grabs Asmodeus and throws HIM down to the circle, then lands on him with a harsh kick, sending blood out from the Lord Demon of Hate's mouth. Barubary manages to knock Sandi away with an energy wave from his arm.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside!  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark!_

Asmodeus knocks Shin off him and leaps to his feet, then brings it up to Shin's chin, uppercutting him hard, while Barubary runs toward Nick, sweeping his tail. Nick jumps over it and then ducks underneath a claw swipe, kicking him away.

_(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run!  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone!  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become!_

Asmodeus lunges at Shin, who's fallen to the ground, but Shin knocks him away with a hard kick, and he flies to the wall, hitting it hard and slumping to the ground. Barubary hit's a spire and slumps to the ground.

_Bring…me…to…life…_

Nick breathes in and out…

_I've been living a lie…there's nothing inside!_

Shin breathes in and out…

_Briiiing…meeee…toooo…liiiiiiiiife!_

(Music ends.)

Sandi breathes in and out as she stands up and walks over to Nick, putting one hand on his shoulder. "I…I think we actually did it!" She said happily.

"Did…I do it?" Shin asked himself.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Barubary laughed madly, getting back up. The spire was very cracked, but still standing. He rushed forward to grab Sandi with his long claws…

"GUESS AGAIN, QUEER!" Asmodeus snarled, jumping up, his eyes now blood red. He was suddenly in Shin's face, punching, punching, punching, blood flew freely from the Demon of Shadow's nose and mouth onto the floor below. Finally he was knocked down hard as the Lord Demon of Hate stood over him and spat on him.

"I feel like pissing on you. Maybe I'll do that later." Asmodeus said calmly. "First you have to go down to Hell. Now then…" He stepped away from the Satanic Alchemy seal and began chanting. "Nrikk Vishrr Vishani, Krrkkrr Vrrrinnn…"

"I DON'T THINK SO!" Both Shin and Nick shouted, jumping up. Shin rushed forward and suddenly grabbed Asmodeus in a huge hug.

"What the?!?"

"You just need some love." Shin said, hugging him tightly. "How about I become your first friend?"

"No-no, I don't…don't want…" Asmodeus was shaking madly.

"Come on, stop being such a whiner! We can go to the beach, or go get ice cream, you'll love the Ben and Jerry's down the street from where Mister Valmont's house is…"

"I DON'T, I DU-DUH-DON'T, NO-NO-NO…" Asmodeus howled.

"Hey, I didn't notice it before, but you got a nice butt." Shin remarked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Asmodeus howled, suddenly vanishing into the bloody seal, which faded away.

Shin smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Aw, he's gone already? But I wanted to buy him a beer…" He noticed that Asmodeus had dropped the bell piece on the ground and picked it up. "Ah. Now we can return with heads held high!"

Dante entered the room with his spirits by his side. "Demon of Shadow, I heard a scream, what's…woah! I can feel it…you just sent Asmodeus back to Hell?"

"Through love and caring." Shin insisted. "I guess he was more afraid of me than I was of him. I wonder how Nick and Sandi are..."

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"**

"Oh my…" Shin said, gulping. "That…that was Nick…"

Just as Asmodeus had been hugged, Nick had knocked Barubary right back into the spire a moment earlier, and as Shin embraced the Lord Demon of Hate…the spire was broken, the top flying into the air and coming down, embedding into the body of the Grand Devil Barubary right in front of Sandi and Nick's shocked eyes.

Barubary let out a gasp as blood and his insides seeped out from within. He spat out blood and let out a rattle. Nick was horrified. "Oh no, I…I…"

Suddenly he saw something as the Grand Devil looked up from his wounds to them…

He was crying. The Grand Devil was crying.

"You're…you're a good child…" He said softly.

"But…but I thought devils couldn't…" Nick began.

"I told you…devils can only…cry…when it's all over…and for me…it is all…over…I also said…I would go home…with SOMEONE'S death…and it appears…it will be…with mine…"

He laughed sadly, but it turned into a racking, hacking bloody cough. "Hur-HRAACKKK! Guahhh…I'm…grateful…you…did me a favor. Now…my forced contract…with my "master"…has ended…now…I can go home…I'm…free…"

His body slumped to the ground, as his tears continued to fall, splashing into the bloody pool forming beneath him on the rain-soaked roof as it continued to fall. Yet his tears were shining brightly, more brightly than the rain ever could be.

"I'm free…I'm going home. I…atone…with…this. Don't…think yourself…as…evil. You didn't…mean to…it was an accident…but I'm grateful…that you helped…even…accidentally…and it's…it's not that bad…being able to…leave this world…with these last words…to good kids like you…and that girl…"

Nick fell to his knees. He stared at Barubary, not saying a word. Sandi had run down the steps, crying. Nick stared…and stared…the tears, the rain, both continued to fall.

"Thank…you…you're…going to be…very strong…you both will…and my master…you know him…both him and…the one **he** calls master…you…will…win…"

His head began slumping down. The Grand Devil had seconds to live.

"Tell…the girl…and…her love…I'm sorry…I…made…her suffer…and don't…blame…yourself…you…are…still…an…innocennnnnnntttt…"

And with that, his head slumped down all the way, as his life ended.

And Nick screamed.

Shin and Dante emerged from the wrecked doorway of the attic's entrance to the roof with Sandi clinging tearfully to Shin, who comforted her. Dante looked on as the body slowly vanished with a gentle whistling sound.

"…kid…did you do that?" He asked.

"No-no-no-no-no…" Nick sobbed. He was hitting the ground with his fists, hunched over completely. "No-no-no-no-no-no-no…why? **Why do people have to die!?!**"

"Kid…" Dante began, but then he stopped. Nothing he could say could change how that kid felt right now, he knew it, deep down in his heart, he knew it.

"Nick…" Shin said gently.

"**I'm so sorry!**" Nick sobbed. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Forgive me…forgive me…I'm so sorry…" He wailed, practically burying his face into the soaked roof of the mansion.

And the rain and tears continued to fall…

**Author's Note:**

**I think this oughta go without saying, but READ. AND. REVIEW. Thank you.**


	42. Trinity, Pt1

**OPENING CREDITS!**

**BGM: Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional**

(As the music starts up, the camera slowly zooms in on Nick, who's sitting on a hill, overlooking San Fran. Shots of every single one of the characters appears in the clouds. He sighs. Then begins to sing.)

_Hope…dangles on a string,  
Like slow spinning redemption,  
Winding in and winding out,  
The shine of it has caught my eye! _

And roped me in so mesmerizing, 

_And so hypnotizing,  
I am…captivated,  
I am…_

(Scenes of things that have already happened in the story are shown as Nick continues to sing.)

_Vindicated!  
I am selfish,  
I am wrong!  
I am right,  
I swear I'm right!  
I swear I knew it all along!  
And I am flaaaawed!  
But I am cleaning up so well!  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself!  
_

(Scene now cuts to Nick walking through the streets as everyone else walks behind him. He turns back and smiles at them, then faces forward, continuing to sing.)

_So clear…  
Like the diamond in your ring!  
Cut to mirror your intentions,  
Oversized and overwhelmed,  
The shine of which has caught my eye!  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated,  
I am…certain now that I am…_

(Scene now shows action scenes of everyone in various fights throughout the story.)

_Vindicated!  
I am selfish,  
I am wrong!  
I am right,  
I swear I'm right!  
I swear I knew it all along!  
And I am flaaaawed!  
But I am cleaning up so well!  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself!_

(Now we are shown Sandi and Shendu embracing. Then we see Hsi Wu, Drago and Jade are all in a triangular position, opposite of each other, all looking down, with Nick in the middle of them all. Then we see King holding a single golden shard that he holds up to the heavens.)

_So turn…  
Up the corners of your lips!  
Part them and feel my finger tips,  
Trace the moment, fall forever!_

(Nick buries his face in his hands and sobs as the rain pours down at the Ambridge Mansion. Shin puts his hand on his shoulder and smiles gently, making Nick look up, smiling a little.)

_Defense is paper thin…  
Just one touch and I'd be in…  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current…_

(Nick jumps off of the Antique's store Uncle owns and flies through the air, holding tightly onto Jade's hand, with Hsi Wu next to him. They fly over all the others, and all laugh.)

_So let me slip awaaay…so let me slip awaaay…so let me slip awaaay!_

_So let me slip against the current…  
So let me slip awaaay! So let me slip awaaay!  
So let me slip awaaay! So let me slip awaaaaaaay!  
_  
(Scene cuts back to the hill. Everyone's now there, behind Nick. He looks up and then smiles, standing up and taking in a deep breath before leading them all singing. The heavens part, and a beautiful light shines down from above…)

_Vindicated,  
I am selfish,  
I am wrong!  
I am right,  
I swear I'm right!  
I swear I knew it all along!_

_And I am flaaaawed!  
But I am cleaning up so well!  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself!_

(Nick then grins and salutes with his middle and pointer finger as the story/show titles appear and the words "SEASON FOUR" are added. Suddenly it pans out to a cloud, where Raphael is holding Richard close to him, rocking him to sleep. He's saying…he's saying…)

_Like hope…  
It dangles on a string…  
Like slow spinning redemption…_

**CHAPTER FORTY-ONE**

TRINITY, PT.1

"Well, here we are…my dear, beloved London." Julian Valmont said, with his wife by his side. Sandi was also there, hugging onto Shendu, who grinned nervously in his human form as Valmont glared out of the side of his eye.

London was bustling as Big Ben called out the time. Cars drove here and there, and for some reason Xiao couldn't stop looking at the cars. The hum of the engine, the smooth feel of the wheel, the cool breeze of AC, etc, etc.

"Niiiice." He said..

"Niiice." Valmont agreed. "Over here in Britain, we do things with STYLE."

He had escorted them all to London in his finest plane. He, Sandi, Shendu, Xiao, his wife and Drew of all people were there to look for the bell piece. Nick had originally planned on coming back before what had happened at the Ambridge Mansion, but now he…well, he was inconsolable. He had struck the walls of the antiques store so hard and so frequently that he almost upset the vases in the store.

Any attempts to cheer him up did nothing. Dante's best advice before leaving had been to "let him cry it all out", and Shin was unsure of what to do himself. He tried to cheer Nick up, but couldn't really think of the words to say.

"The bell piece happened to land in Hyde Park if the reports are true." Valmont said. " I called ahead to some of my contacts to get the piece before anyone else, so let's get a move-"

Suddenly he noticed something. Two women speaking to a crowd. "What the?"

"Hear us, hear us and be not afraid! Know we speak of the Lord's will!"

"Look upon us and see, hear the words we speak and take them to heart!"

Valmont frowned. "What the?"

Drew groaned. "Oh jeez, not this kinda stuff." He complained.

"How come you're like, agnostic?" Sandi asked.

"Atheistic." Drew corrected her. "I ain't no "prove it" type, I just don't believe."

"But, you just…didn't a spider god just give you…oh forget it!" Sandi complained.

"We should be careful around here." Shendu remarked, rubbing his chin. "The woods of Britain contain creatures man has reason to fear...and reason to be annoyed with as well."

"Ooh, ooh, I know JUST whatcha mean!" Valmont said. "There was this faun who stole my mother's pies all the time back at home, and I always got blamed for the ruddy-"

"Who are those women?"

They walked closer to them, and GASPED. "Oh my…"

"They're…they're…"

The first one had long black hair and was wearing shining steel armor, with a long horn in her hands. Shendu seemed to recognize her. "Gabrielle…Gabriel the Archangel's female form. Hmm…the rumors were true!"

"What rumors?" Valmont asked.

"Well, word gets around in the community of the "mythological world", as it were." Shendu said. "While Father was filling my head with a hundred different arts of dark powers he was also lecturing me on the greatest of "my kind's" enemies, Heavenly Host included. And around that time rumors were circulating that Gabriel had a female form he took to speak to…HER."

He pointed at the other archangel. She had hair that hung down in locks around her head, a creamy brown mixture in color. She had bright blue eyes and wore silver armor that covered her chest and her legs. She had white under-trimmings, and bright golden greaves. She also had a flag in one hand, with angelic script running all over it, which read "Command of God" and she had a loud voice. Both she and the other woman had wings to match their angelic faces.

"I tell you! Pray and you WILL be saved!" She announced to the crowd. "God has willed it! I, Sariel, his servant, and Gabrielle, his left hand, say it to be so! Join us in prayer: our father, who art in Heaven…"

The crowd began to play reverently and passionately. Valmont and his wife got on their knees and began praying as well, and Sandi joined in. Shendu groaned, but capitulated, as did Xiao. Drew however, rubbed his chin.

"…hmm." He thought as he looked Sariel over. Something was…odd.

ELSEWHERE…

It was Wednesday, so it was "Guy's Night" at the local bar where Tso Lan, Dai Gui, Drago's posse, the Enforcers and Drew's friends were hanging out. The bar was empty except for them because they'd…er… "persuaded" the bartender to let the friends of Drew stay and to give them free drinks. They were all playing a good and popular drinking game.

It was very simple. They watched "Comedy Central" and whenever something gay happened, they took a shot.

At that moment, Captain Hero from "Drawn Together" began sniffing his hands.

"Gay!" Strikemaster Ice yelled out.

"Gay, drink!" Paul laughed.

"No, it's GUI, GUI…" Dai Gui drunkenly complained.

"I'M WASTEEEED!" Chow laughed.

Ratso reached for his bottle of whiskey when suddenly…

"Monkey steals master's wine." Hak Foo said, flipping over his head and grabbing the bottle as he did so. He landed expertly on his feet then raised the bottle to his lips, chugging.

"Heyyy…" Ratso complained.

Finn was singing to himself. "She wheels her wheelbarrow through streets wide and-HIC! HOC! No naaayy never no…nay neverrrr…no mo-HIC! Will I plaaaay the wild rover-HOC! No neverrr…no moorreee-HIC!"

Tso raised all four of his glasses in each of his arms. That's right, the demons were in mini-demon form, they were so drunk now. Good thing the bar was locked up. "Yeah, drinky drinky-HIC!" He promptly fell back, groaning.

MC Fist was only wearing his underwear and his t-shirt, and had a sombrero on. He groaned as he lay back onto a nearby lounge chair. DJ Cobra was wearing an orange parking cone on his head. He stumbled forward a few times, trying to reach the pool table, before falling onto the ground with a "THUD".

"Oh, the s-shows already over?" Rohan asked drunkenly. "But I'm barely dru-BLLLAUAAAGHH!"

"So…what…should we…do now?" asked a VERY drunk Andrew, who had a snot bubble hanging from his nose.

"Let's shave the bartender's eyebrows!" Dai Gui suggested.

The bartender gasped. Before he could run, Tso Lan reached up and grabbed his leg before he could reach the door, claws digging in. "And WHERE do-HIC! You think YOU'RE goin-HIC!?"

"Oh f—k me." The bartender groaned as he was strung upside-down.

"Wow, you sure did a number on Tchang." Jackie admitted back at the antiques store.

Tchang Zu had been horribly, **horribly** creamed by Uncle and Tohru's combined efforts and was now tied up by mystic bonds near King in his mini-demon form, while the snake sipped green tea and turned to look at Shin, who led Nick downstairs.

"Nick? Tchang's here…"

Nick looked up and saw Tchang, who looked him over. "Do-don't look at me, I'm-"

Suddenly Nick rushed over to him and hugged him, crying into him. Tchang blinked a few times, and then his eyes bugged out. "N-Nick? This is embarrassing, I'm…I'm so glad you're here…" He said.

"Tchang, I…I killed someone…" Nick sobbed.

"He…he accidentally killed someone." Shin told Tchang. "He…he won't stop beating himself up."

Tchang bit his lip. He wasn't good at this "touchy-feely" stuff, but he could give it a try.

"Uh…Nick…" He began. "Remember back when I was alone in my room and you came to talk to me? I had accidentally hit a bird with a thunderbolt while I was aiming for a practice dummy…and you said that it wasn't my fault though I insisted it was?"

Nick looked up. "Hu-huh?"

"Well…accidents happen, don't they?"

"…I…I guess…but…but that doesn't take the pain away."

"No, you…you just deal with it. Like…like the pain of being betrayed." Tchang's eyes narrowed. "Nick…Xan betrayed us." He snarled. "He's…HE'S the one in charge of the Lord Demons, the one who's been sending them all after us! He sold us out when he got sent to Hell, had me tortured, he-he…he did something else too, but I can't remember what…and he's got two more people to send up after Asmodeus!"

Nick pulled away, gasping. "WHAT!? Two more? Oh dear, I…" He looked down at his hands. "I…I killed someone in an accident…can I really trust myself again?"

"A hero shouldn't doubt himself or the reason why he fights." King insisted, standing up. With a wave of his hand he freed Tchang from his bonds. "You have refused to leave your room for three **days**, you must not do this anymore! You must take the pain you feel and make it a part of you. Resolve to become stronger and to ensure that nobody else should suffer death by your hand, not even by accident. I mean, many heroes accidentally kill others…does that make them less of a hero? I tell you no!"

He slammed his fist into his open palm. "Stand up! Hold your head high!"

Nick blinked…then nodded. "Right. I…I WILL!" He stood up. "Tchang…tell us all you can about these people…"

"All of us have FAILED!" Asmodeus snarled, kicking a trash can away down in Xan's great palace, where he was lounging in a chair, being fed grapes by Furies. "And that f—kin' Grand Devil got himself KILLED!!!"

"It is…disturbing." Mephistoles agreed. "I cannot believe he allowed himself to be beaten by them. The boy, I could understand to some degree, but that GIRL!"

"HEY!" Lillith snarled, showing off her deadly nails. "Say that again and I rip your balls off!"

"Ooh, I wish I could say that. If I could say "I'll rip your balls off" I would be soooo happy…" Leviathan thought to herself.

"Ooh, mrow?" Beelzebub asked, grinning.

"No, it's not a catfight!" Satan snarled. "Now SHADDAP!" He was pacing around. "I'm tryin' to think up a way to curse them…"

"It wouldn't work." A voice said. "You know so little…"

"Oh, REALLY?" Satan asked, turning around to point an accusatory finger at the voice's owner. "I know more about curses than YOU do, you pathetic sack of s—t!"

"Sticks and stones." The voice said. "Anyhow, if you don't mind, I'm going up on a raid, anyone want anything while I'm out?"

"Uh, could you get me some E cups?" Leviathan asked, looking over at Lillith.

"They don't make E-cups…or DO they?" The voice asked. "I'll find out. Anyhow, Beelzebub, I'm NOT going to stop and pick you up some Chinese food."

"But I was in the mood for some Cho-"

Before he could finish the joke, he was rudely punched in the stomach. He promptly vomited up his last meal. "I'm free! Hot d—n I'm free!" Bartimaeus laughed, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"D—n you, **d—n** you!" Beelzebub snarled, pulling out his gun.

"THAT'S ENOUGH." Lucifer shouted. "Now then…" He turned to directly address this new person. "Barbatos! Lord Demon of Greed…it's YOUR turn to shine. All of us failed somehow…you have yet to. Now get up there and get to work…"

Barbatos nodded, clapping his hands. "You've got it." He said, thrusting them down on the ground. A door opened up beneath. He opened it up, jumped through it, and then closed it from the other side. Once closed, it vanished in a flash of light.

"I don't trust him much." Leviathan announced. "It's not just because he keeps sneaking off with my bras…"

"Or my gun…"

"Or my toys…"

"…he went into my room." Lucifer admitted. "Nobody should EVER go into my room."

"He's got this…this "thing" about him. Just because he's an alchemy expert he thinks he can-"

"I know, I know." Xan said, raising a hand for the Furies to stop. "But he'll be able to do something you others haven't been able to do…"

He grinned. "Unleashing the full strength of the Demon of Shadow…"

They all gasped.

Mephistoles spoke up. "The Demon of Shadow? Shin Dell, the God Killer? What if he turns against us? Or what if that boy, the Game Master interferes? And the Chan Clan and company continuously…"

"Don't practice no alliteration on US." Lillith complained.

"I wish I was Lillith, I wish I was Lillith, I wish I was Lillith…" Leviathan muttered to herself.

"What…the…FUNK are you doing?" Lucifer asked, annoyed, tapping her on the side of her head.

"I read this book that if you say something over and over it becomes true!"

Lucifer groaned. "I need a hot chocolate, you're all driving me nuts…"

Xan snickered. "The boy will be taken care of. I've sent the Elemental Embodiment to intercept him. His Sin will destroy him."

The Lord Demon of Pride stiffened. "You…you sent…you sent him? HIM?"

Xan raised an eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

Lucifer said nothing. Xan sneered. "That's what I thought. Now get going back to work on torturing the d—ned of hell…"

BACK IN BRITAIN…

"So you would be Sariel, the archangel?" Valmont asked. All of them were in the park, speaking with Sariel.

"Oh yes." She said, sitting in the little dining area of the park with Gabrielle by her side. She had a cup of hot coffee in her hand. "I'm really glad to be out and about here in London, I love it here!"

Xiao was speaking to Sandi and Shendu, trying to give them some advice about how to spice up their sex lives. "So then, you just do that for about, oh say, 20 minutes, and then-"

"Uh…do you know any advice I would actually give a D—N about?" Sandi felt the need to ask. "Because, your advice totally sucks. And it's gross. You used "doggy", "froggy" and something else style at least three times each…"

Shendu looked peeved. "Brother, you had best not be trying to live your sex life through US. If you are, I'll have to stuff you into the cupboard again."

"Hey, this is just the natural progression of human history!" Xiao insisted, waving his hands in the air. "Look, in ancient Crete, the kings of old would have hundreds of concubines, but only one wife…"

"Uh huh…" Sandi said, raising an eyebrow.

"And then, when he got too old, he would be ritualistically killed by the new king who would take the concubine and his wife for himself."

"Right…" Shendu agreed.

"And then…" Xiao was working himself into a frenzy. "After watering the fields with his blood they would perform _**unspeakable sex acts with**_-"

Sandi suddenly pulled out a frying pan and whacked him over the head.

CLANG!

"OW! The f—k?!"

"I call it Instant Karma." Sandi said. "Every time you get too perverted, I whack you with Instant Karma here."

"You can't-God D-N it, woman, I am not your b---h!"

"INSTANT KARMA!"

CLANG!

"YEOOOW! WHAT THE?!?"

"If you swear too much, I hit you too! This applies to ANYONE within my earshot, froggy boy!"

Xiao mumbled something, about how Shendu's nasty side was wearing off on her, which got him another whack on the head, while Drew began laughing so hard he fell off his bench seat. Meanwhile, Sariel was still speaking with Valmont and his wife.

"So, because I'm a Hermaphrodite, I'm kind of…well, not talked about often. It's a sort of secret, you know. People were afraid of the idea of a Hermy being an angel, but things have changed, so it's all good! Still, there are some problems going on…we've gotten some reports…"

"What kind of reports?" Valmont asked.

Gabrielle spoke up. "Well, you see…George W Bush…we haven't been able to monitor him because something keeps interfering. Something we can't analyze. Worse still, his declaration on magic being real surprised us all. However, just yesterday, the crippling blow has come. This is the straw that's broken the camel's back…look." He threw down a large file report onto the table. Julian opened it and looked it over with his wife, gasping.

"He's…he's going to…"

"Yes…" Gabrielle remarked with a tone of regret and anger seeping in. "He's issuing…"

"EXECUTIVE ORDERS DO WHAAAA!?!" Jade exclaimed, with Hsi and Drago by her side. They were on their way back to the antiques shop and had been chatting it up about current events when suddenly Hao had had a crisis of conscience and had spilled the beans.

Hao sighed. "It allows me to break certain laws, to be ABOVE the law in certain places or under certain circumstances if I have the right papers, which I do. It's part of the Hero registration act. It's a two-part deal and it's got a lot to it. If I register, I can do what I want pretty much, but I have to do what the government wants me to do if they ask it of me. The second part…is the acknowledgement of any non-registered meta-human or magical activity as an act of terrorism."

"You mean that any Cape or Demi-God or magician who doesn't say "Uncle Sam" gets labeled a terrorist?!" Jade asked, completely infuriated.

"…yeah." Hao admitted. "He…he passes the bill tomorrow…"

"Does he not CARE?!" Jade demanded to know.

"...er...well..."

QUITE SOME TIME AGO...

"Hi. I'm George W. Bush, Leader of the Free World. I wanna bomb Iraq. And when the World says "no", I say "Yeah, WHATEVER!"

A paper was suddenly handed to him from off screen.

"Saddam is starting to meet our demands...yeah WHATEVER!"

He then promptly began dancing around the oval office in "grooving" fashion. Suddenly the doors opened and Colin Powell and Condi Rice entered the room. Bush went over to Colin and slung his arm over his shoulder.

"I talked to Colin Powell. He said-"

"Sir, maybe we should give the inspectors more time..."

"I say "No". You know why?"

"...why?"

"Cause this is MY United States of WHATEVER! Yeah this is MY United States of WHATEVER!"

"President Bush..."

"Hush up, don't talk to me now!"

"AND THIS IS **MY** UNITED STATES OF-Whatever. Leave it to me!"

Ring-ring!

Bush went to the phone. "Hello?"

"This is Putin. Russia will veto war."

"Hmm. I say..."

CLICK.

"WHATEVER!"

"Sir! North Korea's got nukes!" Colin Powell suddenly exclaimed, holding up important photos of said weapons.

"Ohh. Ding-donga-ding-dong-da-dong! Translation: WHATEVER!"

Then the phone rang again. Colin Powell picked it up.

"I am Bin Laden…you still have not caught me."

Bush took the phone. "I'm George W. Know what the "W" stands for?...YET?"

He began dancing all over again!

"Cuz this is MY United States of WHATEVER!" At that last "Whatever", everyone in the office spread their arms and shouted it.

Next he imitated Korean. "And this is Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-da-dong-dong, WHATEVER!" Bush grinned. "I hope you got the message. Goood."

PRESENT…

"…uh…I don't think he cares." Hao admitted. "…just a guess, but I don't think he cares…"

"We gotta do something!" Hsi said. "I do NOT want to work for your government, if what Dai Gui told me was true, they're willing to sacrifice their own men…and besides, that Bush is an idiotic bully."

"Also, I know that it'll end in bloodshed." Drago said. "If he passes the bill, the end result in the future is…"

"A horrible but quick uprising resulting in much of Washington DC's politicos being wiped out in a horrible fight." Hao admitted. "And…in order to gain the president's trust…I…I agreed to tell him all the specifics so that when the moment comes, he'll put the super-inspired revolt down." He hung his head. "I…I sold out."

"I…heard…that…"

They looked up to see a very angry Nick standing in front of the antiques shop. He was LIVID.

"You…sold…us…OUUUUTTTT!?!"

He rushed forward, slamming his fist into Hao's face, taking him down and punching him in the stomach over and over. "YOU DIRTY-ROTTEN-JUDAS-I'M-GONNA-MAKE-YOU-BLEEEED!" He snarled. "I'LL-"

"Kill me like you did Barubary!?" Hao snapped, eyes glinting red.

Nick suddenly took in a harsh breath, gasping. His eyes got all teary.

"I…I didn't…"

"Thanks SOOO much, Hao!" Shin groaned, walking out. "We just got him calmed down! Nick, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault…"

"I…I still…I…I can't get his…his words out of my head…"

"This is serious, you guys." Jade said. "They're going to come for Nick, you know that, right? What he did in NYC got the attention of everyone around the country, around the frickin' world, from what I heard! They were talking all about it at lunch…"

"Yeah, you're a celebrity." Drago admitted. "I mentioned I was your friend and I got a free condom at-"

Jade elbowed him, shutting him up.

"…so that's why I've been able to get extra cheese with my soft tacos at the cafeteria…" Nick realized out loud. "Well…we can't just let this happen, can we?"

He slammed his fist into his palm. "I'm going off to Washington DC to confront Bush!"

"WHAAA!?!"

Tchang, inside the house, was in the bathroom. He'd locked the door.

"What am I going to do? I…I can't tell Shendu that Xan betrayed us…he…he was so close to him. And I know that Shin…that he…what am I going to do?"

Also elsewhere…

Sariel watched Sandi and Shendu sitting together, drinking a milkshake out of the same cup. Julian and his wife were talking together as they walked through the park. Xiao was still at the table with Sariel and Gabrielle, the bell piece in his pocket. Drew, for some reason, had insisted on going off on his own to "do some thinking".

"Thanks for finding the bell piece for us." He said. "We owe you one."

"Aw, I did it cuz you're cute." Sariel said, winking.

Xiao blushed. "You…you really think so?"

"Yeah. Hey, how about we go out on a date?"

Xiao looked surprised. "Wait…I thought you angels didn't do that stuff…"

Gabrielle shook his/her head. "No, no, down on Earth we can. Besides, Sariel's always been a…well, she follows a different standard. She's kind of a rebel. She even lusted after a few men at the beginning of history."

"So how about it? Dinner and a show? They're playing "Spamalot" down at this college theater…"

"Sure!" Xiao agreed. He'd never dated or had sex with a heavenly being before. "I'd LOVE to!"

Sariel winked. "Great! It's a date!" She took his hand and shook it eagerly, then walked away with Gabrielle, saying how they should go "shoe shopping".

Xiao blushed. He unfurled the note Sariel had stuffed into his hand. "Bring protection". She had written.

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna have some sex, I'm gonna have some se-"

"Oh baby yeah, I've got style, stick out your tongue and make me smile…"

His cell phone came to life, playing his most recently downloaded song. He flipped it open. "Talk to Corey." He said.

"Mr. Damon…"

"Oh, Chief Nurse Sky Dog! What is it?"

"I…I have the results of your…of your blood tests. Remember we do them for all our employees?"

"Yeah, how come mine didn't come back sooner?"

"Well, there was a mix-up at the-the point is, they're here, and…well, you…you have AIDS."

Xiao's smile vanished.

"Corey? Corey?"

"…how…how long have…have I had it? Can…can the…the tests tell you that?"

"You've…sigh. You've had it for a long time now. Apparently for years, that's all we can gleam. I…I'm afraid we don't have anything at the hospital that could cure it, our technology isn't advanced enough. I'm…I'm sorry I had to interrupt your little vacation day." Nurse Sky Dog apologized.

"No, no, it's…it's alright." Xiao mumbled. "I'll…I'll get going now…"

He turned off the cell phone. "…how can I go on that date NOW?"

ELSEWHERE…

Shin was in the kitchen, washing the dishes for everyone. Then suddenly something tapped on the window. He looked up. He saw a bluebird, tapping on the window. It wanted food. It always hung around, understanding that Shin would feet it every time. Smiling gently, Shin opened the window, reaching down to the drawer below and getting out a French roll inside. He tore off a small piece and handed it up to the bird.

Suddenly the bird's eyes turned red. It squawked horribly and then flapped away, screaming in pain. Shin gasped as it…it EXPLODED over the ground in the back of the antiques store. Shin ran out the back door and knelt by its remains. "YIKES!" He shouted. "You poor thing! What…what happened to you?"

"Oops. My bad." A voice remarked.

Before Shin could turn around, something struck him hard over the head and he hit the ground, unconscious, barely able to hear chuckling as he passed out.

When he awoke, he was in a warehouse, surrounded by people who he could tell had signed their souls away. There was no shine to the pearls of the soul, and their hearts had been clouded up. He blinked a few times, as if the emptiness in them was blinding. "Wh-what's going on?" He asked. "Where…where am I? What's going on?"

"You've got a right, I suppose, to know." A voice remarked, walking inside the warehouse. "I'm the one in charge of these fine slaves here. I've got quite an operation, really. They get tempted with the slightest bit of power, I get a lifetime of service. Wine, women and wrongdoing…the three W's that I love!"

The owner of the voice approached and rubbed the back of his neck in an almost embarrassed fashion, then grinned in a large fashion. He had golden hair, a beard that jutted up in edges on the side of his face, a fairly long ponytail and wore fancy-looking glasses. He was wearing a chain necklace that had the symbol of a snake on a cross on it and an expensive, stylish jacket with stylin' black boots and pants. "I'm Barbatos. I wanna be your friend. How 'bout it…God Killer?'

Shin gaped. "Uhhhhh…G-God Killer?"

"Yes. You're going to bring about the destruction of Heaven. It's been prophesized, and it's going to come true…it all comes down to YOU! Now if you'll just cooperate in telling me what the spell is, I can get back to my card game tournament I was planning for the guys…heh…" Barbatos leaned in and whispered, holding a hand up to "hide" what he was saying. "I always take them to the cleaners. I don't even need to cheat, heh. Although it helps…"

"Cheating is wrong…Lord Demon of Greed." Shin remarked. "I've heard of YOU. You're like…what's the term I want to use? The one Nick would-oh right! A "jerk"."

"Sticks and stones. Why don't you just tell me what the spell is to unleash your power, God Killer?"

Shin looked honestly confused. "I haven't got a clue what you're talking about."

Barbatos rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Somehow I get the feeling you're telling the truth. Could it be that what...what he said was-" Suddenly a look of pity filled his face. He looked down at the ground and lifted his glasses up slightly. They caught the light, reflecting it and making it impossible for Shin to see beyond.

"…all right, everyone who's NOT got demon blood in them, leave. NOW."

His human lackeys ran out of the warehouse. Barbatos turned away and crossed his arms, sighing.

"…well…I suppose…I normally would…I ought to tell you…it does come down to you! But…should I?"

"Should you what?"

"I have to tell her…" Hsi thought to himself as he looked over at Jade, who was speaking with Nick. Drago was next to her, and both were trying to persuade him not to go. "I HAVE to…"

"You're NOT going to change my mind." Nick said, turning away. Jade and Drago walked into the antique's store.

"Jackie, Uncle, Tohru, we need some ideas. Nick won't back down from the idea of going to Washington DC! He'll probably deck the president!" Jade complained.

"Well…" Tohru thought out loud. "He has to take a plane ticket right? We could fool him with a lie…"

"Or send him to another place…"

"We could go along with him…"

"Or you could use your mace!"

Jade frowned at that last suggestion. "NO. And…those are some lame ass ideas…no offense." She added, seeing Jackie's chagrin.

"What are we going to do?" Jackie asked them all.

"AIRPORT HOOOO!" Nick shouted, walking dramatically down the road.

"We are SO screwed!" Tohru announced.

Nick could hear dramatic drum beats as he walked down the road. His path was set. His mind was sure.

"I know that some are scared, not knowing what the future brings…for it can either make you crazy, or make you wanna sing! But it's best to tell the truth! Of that I've got no doubt! I'll be glad to face the futuuuure and make the truth come out!"

Uncle groaned and rubbed his head. "He's going to DC, it's a waste of his time, there's no way this is going to turn out just fine!"

"Maybe he's nuts…" Jackie said.

"Oh don't make me snore! Just drag him right back here, go, get out the door!"

Nick however, was very far ahead, and already at the bus stop…and guess what had just pulled up. Jackie, Tohru, Jade, Hsi, Hao and Drago ran after him as he stepped on it.

"I'm not waiting for those guys, no this time I will not wait! I'm going to alter History, to say "Screw you" to fate!"

He sat down in his seat after paying and the bus took off, leaving the others in the dust.

"For it's best to know the truth…of that there is no doubt! We'll all have to face the future-"

"Face the futuuuure!" His fellow bus-mates sang out.

"When the truth-comes-out!" Nick sang right back.

"I'm gonna have canceeeeel…just as things were looking bright. I really wanted p-ssyyyyy…but this time I am gonna do what's rii-iiight!" Xiao remarked, going after Sariel in the direction she went. Sandi and Shendu, with Julian and his wife behind them, chased after him, trying to catch up to see what was going on.

"I'm sure that he's not crazy!" Jade insisted.

"Oooh, everything comes down to you!"

"Barbatos, you are _crazy_."

"Hey guys...somebody help me flush him down the loo!" Dai shouted, drunkenly holding the bartender over the toilet, ignoring his screams.

"Oh no…"

"Now how are we going to tell the boy what he ought to do!?" Uncle shouted. "He hasn't got a clue!"

"WOO! I'm CRAZY!" Sariel shouted, raising a mug in the bar she was in with Gabrielle.

"Perhaps I should reconsider-no, I'm gonna do my part! I know that I can _**win**_ this, I-can-feel-it-innn myyyy heeeaaaaart!"

MEANWHILE…

"Tomorrow at precisely noon…" President Bush announced to Congress. "I will sign the bill. I am aware that some of you are…uncomfortable with it…"

Much of Congress glared at him hatefully/angrily.

"I say to you...too bad." Bush stuck his tongue out.

The bus was now arrived at the airport, and Nick was going to get a ticket. All around, people were singing.

"Sometimes you're better off not knowing…but this isn't one of those times!"

"Though the world is like a musical, you can improvise some lines!" Nick laughed.

"It's best to know the truth…" Barbatos sighed.

"Of this we have no doubt!" Hao and Drago agreed.

"So they'll have to face the futuuuure…" Bush sang to himself in the mirror.

"How will I tell him?" Barbatos and Nick thought.

"How can I tell him?" Jade thought to herself.

"How can I tell her?" Xiao and Hsi wondered.

"WE'LL HAVE TO FACE THE FUTURE WHEN THE TRUTH…COMES…OOOOUUUUUUTTTT!" Everyone sang.

Nick slammed his hand down on the ticket counter booth. "Give me a non-stop ticket to D.C, please!"

"Hey, you're that kid from the TV!" The man at the counter exclaimed. "You're a regular miracle-worker, ain't you? Here…" He slipped a ticket through. "On the house, but just this once okay?" He gave Nick a wink.

Nick grinned right back. "God bless, sir. Now, I'm off!"

As Nick walked in the direction of where his flight would be taking off, the man called out "Hey, wait! What are you gonna do there?"

Nick turned around, grinning broadly. "I'm gonna make the USA face the future and stop the president from ruining it!"

Elsewhere…

Barbatos sighed and turned to face Shin. "…I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but…Mr. Dell…you could have left with the others when I gave the order."

"What do you mean, I'm a-" Suddenly Shin's eyes widened at what Barbatos was suggesting. "Y-you mean…?"

"Yes…you do not have demon blood in you." Barbatos said, the glasses reflecting the light of the warehouse once more. "The truth is…your powers, like your title, come from chance, from the drawing of the lots. You…you are not even related to the woman you thought was your mother. The fact is, your father WAS Zhen…but your mother…as a result of Long Oah's experimentation…as a result of the first in vitro fertilization…was Blossom. In reality, your mother was a human through and through."

"But-but that's not…"

"Long Oah took some of Zhen Wu's sperm and fertilized Blossom…on the very first night that he took her. He made sure his seed didn't get into her, he used a transparent cloth to prevent it, but it was enough to make her bleed and THINK she was raped. When she was good and asleep, he cast the proper spell to dull her senses and began his work. She was impregnated with Zhen Wu's seed…with YOU. I believe…" Barbatos rubbed his chin. "You are wondering why Nick did not see this, see the moment you came into the world? Simply because when he wrote in the Book of Ages, he had in mind to see demon births…and you were born a human, 100 pure. He saw the beginning of it all, true, but not in the way he expected...not, not in the way he expected..."

Shin couldn't speak. He was utterly shocked. His golden eyes gazed at those glasses.

"Then…then…"

"Yes, isn't it ironic? The most powerful of all the Eastern demons…is a HUMAN." Barbatos grinned. "Your father was quite clever. His son, Xan, learned some experimental procedures from him…I believe he did some work in diseases…"

Shin's eyes went wide when he realized what this implied. "He…he wouldn't…he…"

Barbatos sighed. "I'm sorry to have to do this to one who has lived his life in a kind and tolerant manner. You are a noble passion-bearer…but I want to rule over it all one day. If I unleash your powers with my skill, then you'll reduce even Heaven to ashes…and I will be the only one who can control you. In short, I will rule the world. I'll have EVERYTHING!" He grinned in a sick fashion. "Picture it, Shin Dell! I shall reign supreme over this world! All the money, all the power, everything in the world will be mine to control!!!"

"Your master…Xan…he'll kill you if you-" Shin began. He wasn't trying to threaten Barbatos, he was genuinely concerned.

"He thinks I'm loyal to him." Barbatos laughed. "THINKS. But he thought wrong. Tell you what…you tell me the spell to unleash your power, the one buried deeeep under the river of your soul…and I promise to leave the ones you care for completely unharmed. You have my solemn oath."

Shin bit his lip. "Wh-what would you make me do?"

"Burn down buildings, wreck some cities, eventually people would realize there will be no use resisting. Once Heaven falls when the archangels do, they will quickly worship me. Shouldn't take more than a few days."

"I…I can't choose between-between those I love and-and I don't know how many innocent lives. Pl-please, don't make me do this…" Shin begged, crying black tears. He hung his head, sobbing. "Please don't do this…please…I don't-don't want to hurt people…I've lived my life trying…trying to be peaceful…don't. Please. Don't."

"How piteous." Barbatos said. "…but I'm afraid that I am not going to listen." He said, shaking his head. "I'm a selfish being and it's all about ME. I want it all. You're going to help me get it."

He reached for Shin's head and gripped it tight. "Now tell me…and I promise to spare your friends."

Shin sobbed. "The…power…something deep down tells me…tells me that it's…it's…it's just one word."

Barbatos smiled in a satisfied fashion and stood up, brushing his hair back. He took some steps back and then clapped his hands together, closing his eyes. "What is the word to unlock the power sealed within you?" Barbatos asked.

Shin bit his lip.

"My dear family…my friends…and…and Tchang…Nick…" He said softly inside his head.

"Fenario…" He whispered out loud.

"Forgive meeeeeeee!!!!!!"

Barbatos slammed his hands down. A glowing red light emerged from beneath Shin.

Then all went dark.

**Author's Note:**

**Shocking twist-a-go-go, baby! Who would have thunk it? Shin's not a demon at all, but 100 percent human! But now Nick is off to Washington DC to confront President Bush. Will he succeed, and this time, without a fuss? Probably not, being the melodramatic person he is...and we can't forget that Shin's true power is poised to be unleashed on the world...just how dangerous IS the "God Killer"? And of course, can a demon be CURED of AIDS? Find out...soon!**

**Oh, and by the way, a shout out to Jackie Chan himself. You are the shiznit. You know this to be true. **


	43. Trinity, Pt2

**CHAPTER FORTY-TWO**

TRINITY, PT. 2

"Xiao, I owe you an…an apology. I am like, soooo sorry." Sandi apologized.

A very distraught Xiao was drinking his sorrows down in a bar and grill. In fact, the very same place where he had planned to meet Sariel for their date. He was unbelievably depressed.

"Really old boy, it's not THAT bad. Can't you cheer up some?" Julian insisted.

"I'VE GOT AAAAAIIIIIDDDDSSS!" Xiao sobbed, raising the mug again.

Shendu was trying very hard to resist the urge to laugh, gloat and say "I told you so", but he was failing. Horribly. He was covering his mouth and shaking madly with laughter. Jenny was trying not to laugh too, but that was because Xiao had spilled Bloody Mary all over his crotch and he didn't care. Meanwhile, Sandi continued to try and cheer him up.

"Xiao, come on! You've got to calm down. You can still do lots of things!"

"NOT FOR LOOOONG!"

The bartender groaned. "Look, far be it fer me to deny a man the right to drink, but try and keep it down, okay!?"

Xiao grabbed him by the shirt collar and let loose a tirade of how the bartender had no IDEA on how AWFUL it was to be diagnosed with a DEBILITATING DISEASE that was ruining his lifestyle. The bartender promptly broke a bottle over Xiao's head, shutting him up. The others then dragged him towards the exit and were worried about what to do with him when-

"Uh, what the HECK are you doing?" Sariel asked, entering the bar with Gabrielle. "Why are you dragging my date?"

"Er…" Sandi began.

Suddenly Shendu had an idea. His eyes twinkled. "He's extremely drunk and we're going to sober him up. We'll be seeing you around, okay?" Shaking the archangel's hand eagerly, he then shooed the rest of them out the door and into a nearby alley.

"Listen, I know how we can help him AND get a move onto the next bell piece location…" He admitted. "I normally wouldn't do this, but it's completely piteous to see him in such a state. He should be conducting himself in a far more dignified…well, I'm just sick of his whining. Here."

He began chanting, and then raised his hands. A portal spell activated in the end of the alley. "This'll take us to a close friend's old quarters. He'll be able to help…" Shendu grinned. "He's a doctor, after all…"

Then Sandi blinked. "Wait…where's Drew?"

Down the road and back at the park, Drew fumbled with his cell phone. "Quick, quick, pick up guys! I gotta know!"

ELSEWHERE…

"Can I help you?" A bored secretary asked the youth in front of her.

"Yeah, I need to see the president."

"…your name?"

"Nicholas Michael Grey."

"…wait…you're that kid from the TV! Ohmygawwwwd!" The secretary said, standing up. "You were like, SO cool! That was the hottest thing you did with guns since Brad Pitt exercised in front of me at the gym that one time! Here, hold on, I'll see if he's available…if, uh…" She blushed. "If you'll…er…put in a good word for me with Brad?"

"Sure. I know people who met him first-hand. Here…" Nick reached through his pocket. "Mr. Valmont got Mr. Pitt to give him his e-mail address because his wife's a fan and he told it to me-here you go!" He pulled out a piece of paper and read it off as the secretary quickly scribbled it down. "So can I go in?"

"Sure. Vice President Cheney's in the oval office at the moment, but the President should be in there as well. Unless he's…"

"He's in the bathroom." Dick Cheney said, sipping some coffee. "Now what can I help you with, kid?" He asked curtly.

"Well, I'd like the president to not sign the bill." Nick insisted.

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't he sign it?"

"Because it's an assault on more civil liberties by forcing people to register and becoming tools of the government. It's a spit in the face of democracy. It's also political suicide, because he'll be pissing off a good deal of super-powered people who already are angry with the government's way of handling things like 9/11, the constant chaos in different cities around the USA, the Iraq war…"

"So you're saying it's a bad idea?" Dick cut to the chase.

"Yes. Frankly, it's a horrible idea. It'll get you all killed, if I heard right."

"What? Are you threatening us? Threatening a government official is punishable by serious jail time!" Dick Cheney growled, putting his coffee cup down.

"Look, I'm not threatening anyone. I know people from the future who've told me that if Bush signs the bill…"

"I'm not falling for that s—t!" Dick said. "Condi, get in here and take him to be interrogated!"

Nick groaned as Condoleezza Rice entered the room. "I'm going to have to ask you to come with me, Mr. Random Superhero…"

"It's Captain N."

"Captain N? OhmyGawd, I LOVED that show!" Condi said, hand going to her mouth. "That was…he was my favorite superhero!"

"Really? Me too!"

"You know, you're kind of cute."

"I already have a girlfriend."

"I said cute, not handsome."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay! Say, does this wristband make my face look fat?"

Dick Cheney groaned. "I'm gonna go get some more coffee!" He grumbled, heading out the door as Nick and Condi chatted it up.

BACK AT SAN FRAN…

Dai, Tso, Drew's friends and Drago's posse were all walking drunkenly home.

"DJ Fist is DJ Drunk!"

"This Shoveler is hammered!" Dai managed to get out.

"The shoveler is hammuhed, the shubbler is…" Tso mumbled.

Drew's friend Paul raised a bottle. "To friendship, to generosity to-"

"Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring, bananaphone! Ring-ring-ring-ring…"

"Dude! I thought you were over that stuff!" Andrew laughed.

"I can't get it outta my head, dude. Shaddup…" He raised his cell phone to his ear while the other friends crowded around him.

"Hey Drew, what's up?"

"Listen, Paul, you've done reading up on the archangels right? Tell me something, what's Sariel supposed to do?"

"Oh, Sariel's…eh…er…I think she's the one who's good at speaking truth and spreading gospel. She's very good at that…that kinda stuff…"

"You're DRUNK, Paul?"

By this time, the demons and Drago's crew were already far ahead. This wasn't good though…

"Hey, it was 2 shooters for the price of o-"

"Time to die." A voice whispered.

Before they could turn around, something happened. Something awful.

The cell phone fell to the ground as blood pooled, oozing near it. A hand picked it up.

"Paul? Paul? Paul, you still there?"

"They can't hear you anymore." A voice said simply. "Once more I have done as I always have…my duty to God as Angel of Death."

Drew almost dropped his cell phone. "Wh-what?" He squeaked out.

"Don't worry. It only took a moment."

"You…you're Azrael…wh-why?"

"All friends of the demons shall die." Azrael explained simply. "And you will die soon enough. Once I've finished with you I shall turn to destroying the demons themselves. Goodbye."

He crushed the cell phone in his hands and turned away, flowing down the street, his black cloak blending into the night.

Strikemaster Ice walked back to where they'd been, anxious to bring them along. "Come on, guys," he slurred. "We're-we're gonna-_OH SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT'S HOLY!_" He screamed.

ELSEWHERE…

"Here we are." Shendu said, opening up the door to the strange shop. He led them in, Sandi first, and they all gazed around the strange shop.

It smelled quite strongly of incense and other odd scents. The walls were littered with various signs and symbols, but they did recognize a few things on the wall…the symbol of the Ouroboros, the serpent that devours its own tail, and the symbols of the elements.

"This is Dr. Honhenheim's place." Shendu explained. "He's an alchemist expert and knows an incredible amount on diseases. He disappeared some time ago, but if what King told me not too long ago was correct, he should be here. I don't know how he managed to survive what he did, but we're all impressed he did."

"Survived what?"

"There is…a gate." A voice announced, coming out of a doorway nearby. A man with blond hair, glasses and a beard that spiked up slightly made himself present. "The Gate. It's part of the nexus that separates all the worlds of that which is deemed by some as "unreal"." He smiled at them all in a friendly fashion. "Greetings. I am Hohenheim of Light. I'm pleased to meet your acquaintance."

"Hohenheim…that's an interesting name." Valmont remarked.

"Thank you. It IS mine, heh-heh. Now please, please, have a seat-oh, I didn't set up the seats! Just a moment…"

He leisurely clapped his hands, then raised them in front of the wooden floor. Instantly wooden chairs formed from the ground, leaping up from the floor. Sandi jumped slightly, and Jenny Valmont gasped.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Hohenheim said. "Alchemy is such a fascinating subject. But now then…why have you come here to my little shop?"

"Oh, that would…ow…" Xiao stood up, nursing his head. Shendu had dropped him finally once they'd gotten inside the shop. "I…I have a disease, and I was hoping you could cure it, great Hohenheim of Light."

Hohenheim rubbed his chin. "Hmm…what is the disease-no wait…let me guess. You are…Xiao Fung, are you not?"

"Yes."

"…it's an STD, isn't it?"

Xiao turned red. "Y-yes…"

"Is it…AIDS?"

"………yes."

Hohenheim let out a long whistle. Then he rubbed his hands. "Well, I'd better get started. Sit down, sit down everyone. I'm going to go get the necessary materials I need…"

MEANWHILE…

"They're…they're…" Drew sobbed into his hands. "Nooooo…noooo…"

A hand came down onto his shoulder. "Drew…are you alright?"

Drew looked up. "AAA! Oh…wait…you're that…that "King" they told me about."

King nodded. He raised his hood back up. "You are lucky that I'M the one who found you in this alley. Tell me…what is wrong?"

"Mu-my friends, they…they got…got murdered!" Drew sobbed. "That-that d—n archangel killed them! That-that Azrael!"

King's eyes went wide. Then he narrowed them. "It's true…they're lashing out at all those connected to the demons…" He took Drew's hand. "You have my promise. I will avenge your friends. It is in my blood."

Drew looked down at the ground, rubbing his nose with his arm. "Sniff...sniff...you...you mean it?"

"I swear it." King said. "**On my life**."

BACK IN DC…

"Mr. Vice President, you're back! Nick just told me the FUNNIEST story."

"Later, Condi. Go look these over, please." He said, handing Condi some papers. She walked off, waving goodbye to Nick.

"She's pretty nice." Nick admitted. Dick took out two pill bottles, looking them over.

"Now which one was it again? The black pills are black beauties, the others the Nitroglycerin I need-"

Nick looked puzzled too. "Hey, who does the president's pants? Are they really good and comfortable or something?"

Dick looked a bit confused. "Uh, what do you mean?"

"Well Condi was just talking to me and she said she'd really like to get into Bush's pants and I don't-"

Dick began laughing so hard he fell off the desk, slamming his hands against the floor as he roared out loud. Nick just stood there, unsure of what was going on. "Uh…Mr. Cheney?"

"HA-HA-_**HURK**_!" He suddenly grabbed his chest. Heart attack! "My-my pills…need pills…" He reached up to the desk and grabbed the closest bottle, opening it up and popping one in.

Unfortunately, it wasn't nitroglycerin pills. It was a black beauty. Dick Cheney suddenly leapt up, looking a bit…weird…

"You know…I feel good!"

Nick blinked. "What?"

"I'm feelin' good today…" Dick said. Suddenly he began doing a dance/strut around the office, getting jiggy with it.

"YEP, I'M FEELIN' REAL, REAL GOOOOOD-"

Suddenly he fell to the floor, gasping. "Good…not young…just good." And then his eyes closed.

Nick blinked. "Geez, he fell asleep? I'd better call the secret service to wake him up." He said. He went to the door and yelled out for the secret service to come in, which they did. They picked the vice president up and rushed him out, much to Nick's surprise. "Boy, they sure are making a big deal over him falling as-"

Then he saw someone come out of the office nearby. "President Bush!" He yelled. "We need to-WHAT THE **FUCK**!?!"

Bush looked up.

So did someone else who was right behind him…Xan, in human form.

"Hello Nick. Meet my newest friend." Xan said.

ELSEWHERE…

Hohenheim walked back through the doorway and into the darkness that was beyond it. Sandi rubbed her head. "This whole "Alchemy" thing…I still don't get it, but-hey, this is cool. What's with the snake?" She asked, going over to the wall and brushing the design.

"That's the Ouroboros." Xiao said. "I know about it, it's the serpent that devours its own tail, a self-sustaining being that represents alchemy…among other things…to this world. It is self-sustaining, yin and yang combined, eternal and unchanging."

"It's used in some alchemic circles to transmute objects." Hohenheim explained as he walked in. Seeing Sandi, Jenny and Julian's blank looks, he explained further, "Alchemic circles put broken things together, break them down or alter their form. The act of doing so is called transmutation." He held up a vial. "This…is the vaccine of AIDS. I developed it in my research of Alchemy some time back and I can easily replicate it. I use it as a substitute for the disease itself, equivalent exchange. To gain something, something of equal value must be lost. The vaccine…for the disease."

Hohenheim put the vial in his pocket. "But first, I will require payment. Equivalent exchange, after all."

"Well, how much do you want? I have plenty of money." Valmont insisted.

Honenheim shook his head. "I don't want money. I want something else." He pointed at Sandi. "I want…the child growing in her."

"WHAT?!?" Valmont screamed, half in horror and half in anger, at Sandi, Shendu AND Hohenheim. "She-she doesn't…she can't…"

"Daddy, it's…its true. I'm pregnant." Sandi admitted. "I'm…I'm pregnant. I…I was gonna tell you when we got back…me and Shenny agreed on that in Hyde Park…"

Valmont was spluttering, turning red. "I-I-I can't believe you-I mean, he's-I just-I…"

"Not that this isn't interesting to watch, but I am on a schedule." Hohenheim announced calmly. "Now then…I would like you to come over here, Ms. Valmont."

Shendu held her close to him, taking his mini-demon form. "You cannot have the child within her. That is a price too high."

Hohenheim looked them over and sighed, taking his glasses off. "Sigh…I TRIED to be nice." He admitted. "I tried to play by the rules. Such a pity…I'll have to get serious then."

He put the vial away on a nearby desk and turned to face them. "You are going to regret coming here…" He said, clapping his hands and slamming them against the walls. Large hands of stone with long, strong arms reached out, grabbing them all. Sandi was the only one left free. Honhenheim walked up to her, grabbing her by her neck. He grinned evilly.

"Now then…I should tell you the truth before I begin." He told them all. "I'm actually not Hohenheim of Light…he passed on some time ago. I am the Lord Demon of Greed…Barbatos, the receiver of Hohenheim's powers. And your unborn child shall be the catalyst to fully activate the Demon of Shadow's dark powers." He tilted his head to get a better look at Sandi's frightened face. "You can scream, if you want." He offered.

She did.

BACK IN DC…

"WHAT THE **FUCK**!?!" Nick screamed. "XAN!?! What are YOU doing here?!?"

Xan grinned and put his arms around President Bush. "Don't you know? I'm an important advisor to the president, ever since he first attracted my attention as governor of Texas. I really started working for him when he got the vote for Republican candidate, but I haven't been able to really speak with him much until recently."

"…9/11…" Nick found himself asking.

"That wasn't my idea, actually." Xan admitted. "Bushie learned my techniques well though! Shendu always tried to imitate what I did, my skills of manipulation, my natural charisma, my effective scare tactics…" He brushed his hair back. "I always was better, though. Still am."

"You…you sicken me." Nick snarled. "All that…all that suffering San Fran endured…it was YOUR fault! All the attacks we've lived through…all the people that have gotten hurt…you're the one in charge of those demons! Because of you, Sandi died-"

"You brought that girl right back, didn'tcha?" Bush asked, going to the desk and putting a white piece of paper down. Nick read the top and gasped.

"The bill! Mr. President, you CAN'T sign that bill into law! It'll…"

"It'll secure my position as someone who's got power over all these wannabe gods." Bush said angrily.

"WHAT? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Xan told me everything. I always suspected it, he just confirmed it. All you "superheroes", all you "magical defenders", all you want is for people to worship you over us, their elected officials! You're the ones who should be impeached, not me! You're undermining my ability to effectively govern when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong. I'm a war president, THE president. I know what I'm doing!"

"If you did, then why did you just sit in your seat with "My Pet Goat" with a funny expression on your face in that classroom?" Nick asked.

Bush suddenly turned pale. "I…I…"

"He was scared." Xan snickered. "Scared stiff. The party was over for him…he thought he'd be forced to do harsh work…and then he turned it around, didn't you?" He walked over to Bush and pinched his cheeks. "That's my Bush!"

"Please don't do that." Bush objected.

"No. I like doing it." Xan said calmly.

"Hey!" Nick growled. He began gesticulating. "Superheroes aren't the enemy! I thought **you** were the bad guy for a while, Mr. Bush. But now I know that there are more important things than hating a person. I can, I DO hate what you've done, the Patriot Act, your manipulation of the 2004 election, STEALING 2000, your horrible policies towards Iraq and Guantanamo Bay…but I know that HE…" Nick pointed at Xan. "HE is worse. He shouldn't be a part of running a country, he should be back down in Hell where he belongs!"

"Lying little brat." Xan snapped. "I'm no devil. I think of myself as a guardian."

"DON'T CALL ME A LIAR YOU **FUCK**!" Nick screamed. "You betrayed your family!"

Xan snickered madly. "What's so funny?'

Bush looked at Xan, now raising an eyebrow. "Xan, what's this all about?"

"Don't you understand?" Xan said. "I'm supposed to have power. That way I keep it out of the hands of those that would misuse it for their own selfish gains."

Nick snorted. "SURE."

"Humanity is dangerous, unsafe, viral at times. I have to protect it from itself."

"Don't give me that. You don't know anything about protecting people. Only superheroes, those that say "Yes" to the impossible…those that win when it's one in a million against them…those that try so hard…THEY are the ones who should be protecting."

Xan closed his eyes, letting out a mocking "humph" of a laugh. "…you don't get it. I know plenty about humanity. It's weak. That's why it must be protected. Mother was weak too."

"So people get sick. Don't…don't tell me you're doing all this because your Mom died early!" Nick asked, looking totally outraged. He was gesticulating more strongly now, getting more passionate, getting in _very_ deep. "Besides, people are stronger than you think!"

"If people were really strong like you seem to think they are, then the people I experimented on down at my home should have been able to resist the strain of Tuberculosis I used on them." Xan said in a dismissive way.

"Wh-what?" Nick gasped, suddenly shivering madly. The Willies. "You…you did what?"

Bush looked horrified. "That ain't _**right**_!" He said.

"I was trying to develop a vaccine so that I could get rich selling a cure…it's a little hobby of mine, disease experimentation…that noble science."

Nick suddenly felt…felt very cold. Very…wrong. Like when he'd seen Blossom about to be raped, when he'd seen Richard dead, when he'd seen Barubary dying with a smile before him, like he'd felt before…too many times before…

"Xan…" Nick began softly. "When…when did you first develop the disease…and…and when did you first test it out?"

Xan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…that was…about two weeks after YOU arrived, I think."

"…and when did…when did the test subject start showing signs of having the disease?" Nick went on, clenching his fist. His knuckles were turning white.

"Oh, about…four weeks after, I believe." Xan told him. A cruel smile was dancing on his youthful, handsome lips.

"And your dad…did he know anything about the tests?!?" Nick asked angrily.

"What're you gettin' at?" Bush asked.

"Tell me this, Xan…who on Earth did you test the disease on!?!" Nick demanded to know.

Xan threw his head back and laughed. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaa! What did I tell you, Nick? Humanity is weak, just like-"

Nick was suddenly rushing forward, and before Xan could stop him, he was slammed to the ground, a fist meeting his face, with its knuckles white and its fingers digging into flesh. Bush gasped. "**Holy Mary!**"

Nick was livid. His eyes glared with utter venom and fury down at Xan. "YOU **BASTARD!**" He screamed. "YOU **FUCK!** _**HOW COULD YOU!!!???!!!**_"

He slammed his fist into Xan's face over again, and blood oozed out from that youthful, still smirking mouth. Bush stepped forward, grabbing Nick's shoulder. "Kid, stop, you'll kill him!"

"HE USED HIS OWN _MOTHER_!" Nick wailed as the image of that poor, innocent, beautiful woman appeared in his head. "HE MADE HIS MOM A TEST SUBJECT!"

Bush stepped back, gasping. He was now very, very pale. "He…he…"

"You used your own MOTHER, you…you **fucking bastard**!" Nick snarled, picking Xan up and slamming him into the floor over and over. "How could you do that!?? Your own mother!!!"

"What reason did she have to live?" Xan sneered. "I did her a favor."

"What. Did. You. Say." Nick said, eyes narrowing.

"Don't you think her life was awful? Being kept hidden away from civilization, locked in that house…victim of pre-marital rape, forced on by a man she loathed…being forced to watch as other women shared her bed…and worst of all, being beaten so much? What kind of life was that? I ended her pain really…"

"YOU MADE HER COUGH UP **BLOOD**, YOU-!!!" Nick screamed, punching him in the jaw.

Xan spat out some blood and cackled madly, eyes glinting. "What life did she have left?"

Nick grabbed his throat and began squeezing. Xan's eyes went wide. "Whaaa-what are-aaaaaahhh-uuuuuuuuuuu….dooooooooo…aaaaaaaaa!!!"

"She…had….love…the love of her children who would have died for her, who cry at night still thinking about her…who can never forget that look in her eyes as she held them to her chest and told them she loved them, horns and all…she had love…and you made her suffer…you made her die…if she had lived…if only their father had died before she did…then they…they might have grown up still showing and knowing love…then they…they wouldn't have caused so much trouble…they probably would have lived in peace…" Nick spoke, words heavy and thick with sorrow. His hands slackened slightly.

"I wouldn't have let them anyway. My kind deserve to-"

Xan didn't get to finish his sentence because Nick began strangling him again.

"I think…that EVERY superhero is entitled to a couple acts of vigilantism…this can be my first one…" Nick spoke, in a voice that wasn't just his own but something else, some deep part of him that was yearning for the dark justice he was about to unleash.

Bush suddenly grabbed his shoulder. "Kid…don't." He said.

Nick looked back and for the first time in a long time he was dumbstruck completely…

Bush was crying.

"If…if my momma died…then I…I don't…" He buried his face in his hands, crying. Nick let go of Xan's neck and stood up, hugging the president.

"It's alright, it's alright." Nick said softly. "Let it out, man. Let it out."

Xan sneered as he stood up and brushed himself off. "How nauseatingly **human** of you. I'm getting out of here. My work is done anyway…" He laughed, and then a blood red portal opened below. He shot through it, and it closed up.

Bush wiped his eyes. "I…I don't think…think it would be right to do this anymore." He said. "I…I'm just gonna tear up this bill and…and I think I'll just spend the rest of the presidency bringing back the troops."

Nick clapped him on the shoulder. "Thanks, Mr. President…thanks."

Bush smiled nervously. "I reckon I oughta thank you…"

MEANWHILE…

Tso and Dai were trying to calm a hysterical Strikemaster Ice down while DJ Fist and MC Cobra spoke with the police back at the antiques shop along with Uncle, Jackie, Jade and Tohru. All of the Chan clan was frightened at what had happened.

"We're going to go talk to the victim's families now." The officer said. "I think you might want to come with us. You were the last ones with them…"

"Wait…" Dai suddenly said. "The boy was…was talking on his cell phone with…with his friend, Drew. Where is that other boy?"

"We got a call from him about two minutes ago, saying that he'd talked directly to the killer, a man named "Azrael" apparently. He was…distraught…it was hard to get a lot of coherency out of him." The officer admitted.

Jade looked at Uncle, who had taken off his glasses and was slowly crushing them in his hands. He was furious.

"How dare they…" He thought. "How DARE they…"

UP IN HEAVEN…

Paul and his friends had been tied up in an interrogation room. Raphael was guarding them, along with Richard, who was nice enough to play cards with them. As they sat in their cell with Richard dealing them each a hand, Raphael watched silently. Then after a few rounds of "5 Card Draw", he spoke.

"You know why we locked you three up, don't you?"

Rohan was quiet. Paul looked away. Andrew however, guessed "Because we're in trouble for hanging out with a bad crowd?"

"A very bad crowd. You didn't care that those people were demons?"

"Seemed 'aight." Paul admitted. "Here. 3 9's."

Raphael sighed. "You don't understand how serious this is, I…I may have to…to go down there myself and be ordered to kill more of your friends."

"I don't think you will." Richard said. "You'we a nice guy."

Raphael looked down at his feet. "……I wish I was a nicer guy." He admitted.

"Stop talking to the prisoners." Michael commanded, entering the room with Uriel. "It's OUR turn. Richard, go with Raphael. We have to have a little…talk…with your poker friends."

Richard, frightened, ran out of the room with Raphael walking behind him. Uriel walked into the cell, holding up a burning arrow and twirling it between his fingers. "So…" He began. "What shall we talk about?...oh, I know…how about you start telling us where the demons are hiding out. That noble demon King and those chi wizards have placed concealment spells up to hide their location from up here, but if we had an inside source…"

"Hey, we aint' selling Drew or his friends out."

"Yeah, those guys saved his life!"

"And before Drew came along, we didn't have nobody!"

"So we aren't telling you anything." Andrew said, sticking out his tongue.

Uriel grinned. "Oh goody. I love it when they play hard to get…"

Michael looked away. He didn't want to see what Uriel had planned.

"I suggest you start talking. We intend to get the bell back together once those demons are destroyed."

"Why do you hate them so much?"

"You have no idea how much of a blight they are on the Earth!"

"I'll bet you're really jealous inside." Andrew said. Uriel suddenly drew in a breath, twitching for the briefest of moments.

"I'll bet you're jealous of those guys because they have freedom to do whatever they want…well, mostly, anyhow. They have something you don't…don't they?"

"Th-that is RIDICULOUS!"

"No it's not…" Paul realized. "Angels and Demons are alike in one way…they haven't got souls!"

Uriel had turned pale.

"You want to have souls like they do! Humans have both souls and free will; at least demons have free will as well! You're doing all this because you're **jealous**!"

Uriel was growling furiously. Then suddenly he stopped, and a sick smile appeared.

"Then…welcome to the party." He said, drawing his bow.

Someone else was in for a great deal of pain as well. Poor Sandi Valmont was dragged screaming into a room and tied by her hands and feet to a slab, the chains heavy on her body. Calmly, Barbatos closed the door behind them and walked over to her.

"Now then…I'm going to begin the necessary preparations. To get the child out of you, I'm going to need a specialist. Luckily I know just the one who'll be able to help."

Sandi was frightened, but she was also filled with a horrible sense of sad despair. "Why would…why do you want my baby?" She sobbed.

Barbatos suddenly looked older than he was. "I'm tired of waiting." He said softly. "I want it all. And I want it **now**. If I don't get it soon, I'm going to be quite irate."

He brushed his hair back. "Your child has dragon blood in it. I need dragon blood in order to unlock Shin Dell's true potential."

Sandi looked confused. "Wh-what? That nice Goth? He'd…" She spat at Barbatos. "He wouldn't help a total JERKFACE like you, you creep!"

"Normally he wouldn't. He's a pacifistic fool. I felt sorry for him, still do…but I feel sorrier for what's going to happen to you. Allow me to explain. He has within him a power…a power great enough to bring down Heaven itself. To be…a God Killer. This power needs dragon blood to manifest. The fresher it is, the better." He walked over to Sandi and put his hands down on her stomach, going up to her breasts and then to her chin, lifting it up to look directly into his eyes.

"You're very beautiful…and so pure…so innocent…no wonder he fell for you. He loves you so dearly…I believe part of the reason is because your innocent aura reminds him of his mother…poor soul. Did you know Xan experimented on her?"

Sandi's eyes went wide. "He-he did what? That's…that's awful!"

"He tested out a special strain of TB on her. Poor woman. She died about 4, 5 weeks after your friend Nick first met your dear "Shenny", if I heard right. He's willing to do anything to get power, just as I am."

Barbatos clapped his hands. Sandi gasped in shock as a symbol burst into appearance on the ground below. It was the Ouroborous symbol.

Sandi watched, horrified, as the symbol became real, and a ruby-red snake with a sapphire belly rose up. The golden slitted eyes gazed at her, and it showed pearly white fangs as it yawned, along with a forked red tongue. It slithered closer to her, and she saw it had red horns rising up slightly on each side of its head.

"This is Ouroborous, symbol of Eternity. It is master of the cycle of life and death. An avatar of both powers, which makes it extremely mighty. It can take what form it wishes by altering its body as it is the ultimate alchemic master and it will be the one to enter you and swallow the unborn within you, bringing it back to me in its jaws."

Barbatos rubbed his chin. "I don't think you'll survive, which is unfortunate…if you do, I don't know if you'll live long after that. But we will see, we will see. Life is full of surprises, anything's possible."

Barbatos walked to the door, waving her goodbye as he entered it and then closed and locked the door behind him.

Sandi screamed as Ouroboros moved towards her…

ELSEWHERE…

Vassago walked calmly past Cerberus, who blinked at him. "...what do YOU want." It growled.

They were in front of a HUGE field of gluttons who were stuffed together, all fat, squishy...

"I need to travel across. Now move out of the way." Vassago demanded.

"You are NOT bouncin' on my charges again-" Cerberus growled angrily.

"Too late!" Vassago leapt clear over Cerberus and landed on a particularly bouncy fatty, and the "boing" that resounded from the trampoline effect of jumping on him made Cerberus wince.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Vassago laughed, bouncing off another one. He would be at the edge in no-

Then one of them grabbed his leg. "Hey! Watch it!"

"Meaaat!"

"Leggo, fatso!"

"It's a birth defect!" The glutton snarled. "Quit making fun of it!"

"Sure thing, Mr. Manboobs."

"Hey, I remember you! Didn't you used to work at McDonalds?"

"I think I remember you too...you look like you were a frequent customer, weren't you? At least, while I was in that form of "Jeremy" up there..."

"You're the one that BONUSED my burger!" the man snarled.

"Oh, heh-heh. You got one of my Sunday Evenin' Specials, didn't you?!" Vassago asked.

FLASHBACK...

"Here ya go sir." As Vassago, AKA "Jeremy Nyebern", said as he handed a man his order. He was grinning evilly.

"You sure it's fresh?" The man asked, his corpulent hand grabbing it away.

"Don't worry sir." "Jeremy" said with a big smile. "I just pinched it off."

PRESENT...

"You actually gave me FOOD POISONING, I f—kin' DIED cuz of you, you son of a b—ch!" The man snarled.

Vassago began laughing so hard his knees buckled. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa! I don't care WHO you are, that's some funny stuff right there!"

"Oh, I'll show YOU funny!" The man snarled. He tried to pull Vassago down, but Vassago leapt off

"Tough break, blubber-buddy! Ha-ha-haaa!" He cackled and leapt off another stomach of a glutton, landing on the opposite end. He began walking past the lustful just as a couple came whirling at him from behind, propelled through the air by the gale force winds. He jumped over them just in time. "Phew!"

Then another couple flattened him. He groaned and picked himself up, muttering about how he was "too old for this crap". He moved along, heading to the 1st circle of Hell, to the Elysian fields.

Knocking on the castle door, somebody answered it. "Hello?"

"We need to talk." Vassago said. "I know you know how to get out of here and that you're planning on breaking free. I need your help..."

Nick hitched a ride back on the bus, the return plane ticket in his pocket. He would return home triumphant and-

Suddenly he got the Willies. He began to shiver. What on Earth?

Then he heard a voice in his head…XAN'S voice.

"I'm a really sore loser." Xan snickered. "And if you think I would just let you get away with hitting me so much, you're dead wrong. Here's a little treat. See if you can beat one of my close friends without endangering all those nice people on the bus."

Then Nick heard chanting. "Don't you dare!" He screamed in his head.

"Shut up and watch this! COME FORTH!"

A blood red portal opened up in the road ahead. The bus screeched to a halt, the driver's eyes wide with shock as a creature stepped out onto the road. It had blue skin with two red horns jutting back, and a reptilian face. It had orange gloves on, a red vest, a dark gold, small scarf and taloned feet. It also had a blue, dinosaur-like tail that had a red bladed end running up and down it. It walked towards the bus, a smirk on its face, the slit pupils of an green/yellow eye gazing intently.

"HEY! MOVE OUTTA THE WAY!" The bus driver yelled, honking on his horn.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. The irritated beast raised a gloved hand, forming a gun that reminded Nick of the "Toxic Bullet" move he once used so much.

The beast growled and suddenly a swirling, smooth beam of energy shot out, striking the bus driver between the eyes, killing him. He slumped in his chair, blood and brains oozing out onto the dashboard while the passengers screamed. Nick stood up, rushing forward as the beast ripped the front of the bus off, jumping inside and grinning at them all in a sinisterly mischievous fashion.

"Well, hello. I'm Snizzi, Demonic Embodiment of the Elements. You're all going to be my targets for today…" He tossed a fireball up and down in his gloves, his voice fitting his nature, sinister, youthful, a hint of a growl lurking underneath each word. "Now if I were you, I'd start screaming my head off…"

Nick stepped forward, his martial arts costume on him. "Don't even think about it, freak!"

Snizzi snickered. "Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…why do you even care, outlander? Why do you care if their blood spills? They are not your own people…"

"People are people no matter where you go." Nick said angrily. "I WILL stop you."

Snizzi suddenly grinned in a fashion that frightened Nick. "Oh please. I have all your elemental powers within me, boy."

Nick gaped. "Wh-what?"

"A demon can be created either by another demon with incredible power or by a human's imagination. A human gave me life, but the powers I have…those came from you. After all, those powers you gave up to save that sweet girl's life had to go SOMEWHERE."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I guess it makes sense…so that means…"

"Exactly." The Elemental Demon said. "True power doesn't ever go away. It's just passed on. I'd say "meditate on this wisdom now" or something witty like that but I'm tired of this s—t. Let's get down to business." He cracked his knuckles and then grabbed the nearest human, a frightened young woman, a college student.

"You want to save people?" Snizzi asked Nick, raising an eyebrow. He shook his head slowly. "You will have to accept there are those you cannot save."

Nick realized what he was about to do. "NO PLEASE-"

With that solemn sentence, his fist became covered in metal, and he crushed the woman's windpipe with a sickening "KA-CRUNCH" sound, dropping the body back to her seat.

"…you…you…" Nick whispered.

Snizzi folded his arms. "Well? What do you have to say to that?"

"…you're evil." Nick spat.

"NOW we're getting somewhere! Come on and hate me like a good little boy!" Snizzi laughed.

"I can hate what you do…I DO hate what you did…but I don't hate you. I'm just going to beat you up until you start begging for forgiveness from God!" Nick shouted.

Snizzi rolled his eyes. "Romantic amateur."

"I'm better at fighting than you think I am!"

"PROVE IT", roared the demon, rushing at Nick, who quickly raised his foot and kicked him out of the bus. Nick leapt out onto the road and took up a fighting position.

"I've been practicing constantly." Nick said. "It's like something from "The Matrix", a million different moves are coursing through my head every day and I can't keep myself from trying them out." He grinned. "_**I know Kung Fu**_." He said in a good imitation of Keanu Reeves.

Snizzi raised an eyebrow. "Why do you even fight?"

"…what?"

"I'm in this for one reason…to see which side is the strongest. The Heavenly Host? The Hordes of Hell? Or Humanity? THAT'S my reason for living, for fighting. Why do you fight?"

"…because it's the right thing to do." Nick said simply. "And…" He looked down, shivering at the memory in his head. "And killing innocent people is wrong. I will save people. Save everyone. I will find a way."

Snizzi rubbed his chin with his gloved hand, looking intrigued. "That's interesting. Let's see if your reason to fight is stronger than my own, human!"

**BGM: Knockin' 'Em Down, by Icehouse**

"What the?" Snizzi exclaimed. Nick grinned. He LOVED this band. "We do things MY way, jerk! Come on!"

_Well, there's no way out of Marrickville_

_for the son of the hard working man!_

_Where the punk who has the muscle…_

_is the leader of the local gang!_

Snizzi rushed at Nick, aiming a punch for his face. Nick grabbed his hand and slammed it down into the ground, bringing his leg up and slamming it down on his back, then picking him up and throwing him into the air.

_Well, there ain't no time for discussion_

_and there ain't no time to waste!_

_You just take him on single-handed…_

_you just push him…'til he breaks!_

Snizzi angrily hissed and aimed his hand down, firing off fireballs with angry cries. Nick put his hands together in the Sign of the Tiger and leapt off the ground, zooming through the air. His knee collided with Snizzi's stomach, and then he brought his elbow down on the demon's head.

_He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright_

_I can take it for one more round!_

_You can give me your best shot, baby_

_but the boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"_

Snizzi growled furiously and his tail wrapped around Nick, throwing him to the ground below with such force that a crater resulted. Nick gasped in pain, then screamed horribly as Snizzi's horned head slammed into his stomach. The Elemental Embodiment stepped off Nick and grinned…

_So he grew up wild and reckless,_

_and he grew up quick and mean,_

_'til an enterprising gentleman…_

_put his talents in the ring!_

Nick suddenly rushed forward, punching. Snizzi cartwheeled back, then rushed forward, body sparkling with electric power. Nick barely dodged in time as Snizzi whizzed by him, trying to grab his arm. He whipped around and focused his soul's energy into his hands in front of him…

_He said, "Boy, you're just a renegade…_

_you got no place left to hide!_

_I can make you fame and fortune…_

_maybe a champion of the world..!"_

"HADOKEN!" He shouted, thrusting his hands out. A blue/silver fireball was flung forward at Snizzi, who growled as it struck him. He thrust HIS hands out, and a huge collection of elemental energy began to accumulate. Nick rolled out of the way just in time as the beam whizzed right by him.

_He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright_

_I can take it for one more round!_

_You can give me your best shot, baby_

_but the boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"_

Snizzi grinned as Nick stood up. He rushed forward, aiming a kick at the kid, but Nick suddenly leapt into the air, spinning around rapidly, yelling "TORNADO WHIRLWHIND FOOT: _TATSUMAKI SENPUUKYAKU_!" He struck Snizzi once, twice, thrice, fourth, fifth, before finally knocking him back.

_He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright_

_I can stand here and hold my ground!_

_You can give me your best shot, baby_

_but the boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"_

Snizzi spat out some blood then raised his hands again. Nick had just landed on his feet after performing the move and didn't dodge in time. The elemental blast knocked him clear across the road, and he hit the ground, lying there, not moving. Snizzi grinned. "Too bad. I thought you were something special." He began walking away when…

_"Well, there's blood on the canvas and leather…_

_and he learned his lesson well!_

_But the boy keeps swingin' those punches…_

_'til he hears that final bell!"_

Snizzi turned around. "No…way…" He gasped.

_He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright_

_I can take it for one more round!_

_You can give me your best shot, baby_

_but the boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"_

Nick stood up, spitting out some bloody spit from his mouth. "I didn't hear no bell." He laughed. Snizzi rushed at him, roaring.

_He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright_

_I can stand here and hold my ground!_

_You can give me your best shot, baby_

_but the boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"_

"He said, "Hey, baby, that's alright"!" Nick sang out, jumping back as Snizzi swung over and over, missing.

"STAND STILL!" The elemental demon snarled.

"You can give me your best shot baby!"

"WHY YOU!" Snizzi snarled, thrusting his hands out to do the beam move again.

"But the boy…"

Nick thrust HIS hands forward.

"HEY! The boy keeps knockin' 'em down!"

"DIE!" Snizzi snarled.

**(Music ends.)**

"VACUUM SURGE FIST: _SHINKUU HADOUKEN!_" Nick shouted.

A huge burst of green and silver energy shot forth before Snizzi could get his elemental beam out. It whizzed through the air, roaring like a bolt of thunder, a shockwave effect rippling from Nick's hands as he fired it. It struck Snizzi dead center, and he was unable to fight against the crushing effect it had. He screamed in pain as it overloaded all his sense…

And he collapsed when it ended, body smoking and charred. He groaned in immense pain.

"You…you…Game Master…you…you really…really are…Captain N…"

"D—n straight…sorry, just had to say that." Nick said, walking over to him.

"Where...did you learn...those moves?"

"Ask a Ninja." Nick said in a matter-of-fact way.

"D—n...you...Youtube..." The imp groaned.

"Now then…start talking. What's Xan up to."

Snizzi spat out some blood from his mouth onto the ground. "You…beat me…you have…the right to…to know. His…former servant…Lord Demon…of Greed…" He stood up. "Barbatos, he…he wishes to unleash the God Killer's full power. He's _going_ to…soon."

Nick gasped. "Wh-WHAT!?!"

Snizzi sighed. "And when he does…Heaven and Earth will fall. I knew Barbatos couldn't be trusted, he was always too greedy…"

"WHERE IS HE!?!" Nick screamed, shaking Snizzi. "WHERE-IS-HE?!?"

"You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you…" He said slowly. "But he's at the very place where…"

"Where what?" Nick demanded to know. "Where **WHAT**?"


	44. Trinity, Pt3

**CHAPTER FORTY-THREE**

TRINITY, PT. 3

Sandi screamed as the Ouroboros lowered its scaly head closer…closer…

Then it spoke.

"Please stop screaming." It asked calmly in a surprisingly familiar tone. Sandi blinked.

"Hey…you kinda sound like…"

"King and I are kin." The avatar of Eternity explained.

"Oh, Mr. Snakey and you are cousins, huh?" Sandi asked, suddenly feeling a little better.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Relax. I'm not going to harm your unborn, or you."

Sandi blinked. "You…you aren't? Then what are you going to do?"

The Ouroboros smiled gently. It was still a little creepy to have him so close to her, but she could tell his intent was good somehow. "I am not a cruel being. I am going to free you. Hold on." He leaned down and bit through the chains that held her. "Get up, little shaman. I require your assistance."

Sandi dusted herself off. "What do you need MY help with?"

"You have shamanic talent in you, you've used it before during a time when you were feeling great emotion."

"Well, that Beelze-whatever was trying to EAT me, and I wanted to deck him in the nose!" She clenched her fist, growling. "I just started thinking about how much I wanted to SMACK him…" She demonstrated by slamming her fist into her open palm. "And then…"

"An instrument of punishment appeared?" The Ouroboros asked.

"Yes. A HUGE hammer. I whacked him over the head and sent him back to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks!" Sandi said proudly.

"Well then, you WILL be able to help me." The Ouroboros said. "Your shamanic talent centers around the power of summoning objects…and that is something I require help with. I can alter objects all I wish, create something from something else, but summoning objects from nowhere…that I can't do…and I need to do it if I'm to complete my task."

"What task is that?" Sandi asked.

"Sealing away the power of Shin Dell so that he cannot hurt innocents, that's-" The Ouroboros began. But suddenly the entire place began shaking madly.

"Oh no!" Sandi gasped. "I gotta find my family!"

"Hop on!" The Ouroboros told her, leaning down to let her climb onto his back.

ELSEWHERE…

"…no." Nick said softly. "No, no, no, no, no…"

He now stood in the Simsbury Cemetery…or rather, was on his knees in the cemetery…staring at his brother's tombstone.

"He died in a car accident." Snizzi told him in a solemn tone that was uncharacteristic of him. "You had just admonished him on how he should be wearing a seat belt…"

"That…that incident back in…back in New Hartford…on that day…but nobody got hurt, nobody…nobody was…" Nick whimpered.

"The flapping of a butterfly's wings are said to change the weather miles away. The tiniest of changes affects many, many other things, Nicholas Michael Grey…in one world, what may be truth…is no longer." Snizzi told him, closing his eyes.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

"David…how? It was…it was just…he…"

"The curb came up too fast. The circumstances were against him that day. He hit his head too hard. Your father turned the wheel because David hit him just as he did in your world. The only difference was the consequences of your brother's actions were lethal…to him, anyway."

"H-H-How?" Nick asked.

"He hit his head on the seat when the car hit the curb." A voice said, emerging from behind a tree. A man in white armor.

"Lucifer." Snizzi remarked. He blinked, then sighed, and vanished in a blink.

"You stayed by him the whole time along with Barbara and your Father. Your mother rushed to the hospital, hysterical. You stayed up all night with them, outlasting them through the night. Dave passed away at night from his wounds." Lucifer told Nick.

**BGM: Brothers, as sung by Vic Mignogna**

Nick felt tears fall down from his eyes. Too many. Too many people had died that shouldn't have. And he had either inadvertently caused it or had been unable to save them.

Suddenly he found himself singing softly, mournfully, as the clouds slowly passed over him in a dark blue sky.

"How can I repay you, brother mine?  
How can I expect you to forgive?  
Clinging to the past, I shed our blood,  
and shattered your chance to live."

Lucifer crossed his arms, watching silently.

"Though I knew the laws, I paid no heed,  
How can I return your wasted breath?  
What I did not know has cost you dear,  
for there is no cure for…death.."

Nick fell down, hands clutching at the grass of his brother's grave, the flowers by the grave blowing a few petals through the air.

"I remember you David, soft and sweet…  
if you are gone, I am not complete!  
All through the years I have cared for you…  
Was it all not meant to be?"

Nick looked up to the sky, his tears glistening on his cheek.

"And how can I make amends…  
For all that I took from you?  
I only have hopeless dreams…  
my brother I'm just a fool…"

Suddenly a voice whispered to him. He heard it on the edge of the wind as it blew his hair gently.

"Don't cry for the past now, brother mine…  
on that day you and I were BOTH to blame  
Nothing can erase the things we did,  
for the path we took was the same…"

Nick raised his eyes higher. Was…was it…?

"David my brother, soft and sweet…  
why are you gone, I am not complete!  
I came back here to reach out for you…

What is a fool to do?"

The voice answered back, as clouds circled around above him, a bright light shining above him.

"Nick, you can be blind and mute…  
But you can make the most of your time!"

Nick was sure he saw the flicker of a smile in the light. D…Dave?

"Follow your path and remember my words…

Goodbye…dear bro of mine."

The clouds vanished, leaving only blue sky. Nick brushed his tears away with his arm. But he still could not stop himself from asking those questions…

"So where do we go from here?  
And how to forget and forgive?"

Then an armored hand came down gently on his shoulder, rubbing him encouragingly. A passionate, gentle voice sang.

"What's gone is now forever lost…  
now all we can do is live."

Nick looked up at "Lucy".

"Just live?"

"Live." He said. "Where there is life, there is hope, a chance to make right what we did wrong, a chance to dream." He nodded. "There's no reason you have to pay for the mistakes that were made living in a different life in a different body in a different time."

"…so I'll live." Nick said, standing up, looking at the sky. Lucifer nodded, walking away, his cloak whipping lightly in the wind. "But…wait…how come you're being so nice to me?"

"Live. And trust me…we will meet again, for a battle." Lucifer insisted. "I'll explain it when you do. Your friend Shin is beneath the ground, far beneath, and unharmed for now. Go to him."

Nick gulped. "Oh boy…I hate going underneath the Earth…and under a cemetery?"

ELSEWHERE…

"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Finn said nervously.

"True, probably." Hak Foo agreed.

"That's NOT what I wanted to hear!" Finn screamed, pulling his hair.

The Enforcers were staying intently inside "Uncle's Rare Finds", hoping that the angels couldn't get in, and they couldn't of course. King was there, along with Uncle and Drew, with Jade and Jackie going out to find Nick and Shin Dell.

"It is perfectly safe inside of Uncle's shop." Tohru insisted, coming in through the front door. "And all of us have the same protective charms on."

"But you ain't done us!" Chow complained.

"Yeah, or-" Ratso began.

Their eyes went wide all at once. "_MR. VALMONT_!" They shouted. Rushing to Uncle, they crowded around him.

"You gotta help Big V!" Finn insisted.

"Yeah, we owe everything to him!" Chow demanded.

"He's our buddy now!" Ratso said.

"Big V has big heart." Hak Foo admitted. "Gave Hak Foo liposuction for Christmas. No more doing extra chores."

Uncle looked at them all and sighed. "Very well. I will call up Valmont and tell him to come immediately…"

"THAT may be hard." A voice yelled out from outside. They all crowded to the window and saw…

"Hohenheim of Light?" Uncle and King both said.

"Nope. Barbatos, Lord Demon of Greed. I received all of the great alchemist's powers though, since that much power has to go SOMEWHERE. Good thing too…I was able to capture Xiao Fung, Julian and Jenny Valmont and…heh-heh…the Fire Demon and his bride."

"WHAT!?!" King gasped. "If you've harmed my Chosen-"

"The Ouroboros will bring the unborn child within the girl to me. I will use it to unlock Shin Dell's full potential." Barbatos snickered, putting his hands on his hips. "And the others are locked up back in my shop in China. You won't be able to stop me from releasing the God Killer."

"You will do no such THING!" King snarled, leaping out of the store window, breaking it. He passed through a shimmering, shield that resembled the surface of a pond being broken for a moment, then landed on the ground in front of Barbatos. "This ends here! Uncle…Tohru…I will require the assistance of my fellow magic-wielders to beat him!"

Tohru and Uncle also leapt out of the window, Uncle wielding a pufferfish and Tohru holding a newt. "You want a piece of Uncllllle?" Uncle growled.

"Dark demon BEGONE!" Tohru shouted, raising his newt. A green blast shot out from it, striking Barbatos in the stomach. He let out an "oof" and fell down, groaning…but he stood right back up.

"Now, that hurt. You're annoying me." Barbatos said, putting his hands on his hips again. "I don't think 3 against one is too fair…"

He clapped his hands together. Then he rushed forward, slamming them into the ground. Two large statues of him made of earth, the road, and composite materials around him formed, taking up battle poses. Barbatos grinned. "Let us see you try and defeat me NOW, fools!" He laughed.

The statues of him turned to Tohru and King as Barbatos faced down Uncle.

"Hot…CHA." Uncle mouthed, holding the pufferfish up.

Barbatos cackled and slammed his hands together, bringing them down just as Uncle shot off a blast. He drew back up, a lance formed in his hands. He rushed at Uncle, slashing and slicing.

"Come on, old man! DANCE for me!"

Tohru and his foe were locked in a fist fight. Tohru slammed his fists into the statue's face and chest over and over, while the statue retaliated with hard strikes to Tohru's stomach. Neither one of them would give. Sooner or later though, one of them would be knocked down.

Meanwhile, King and the statue that HE was fighting were also fighting. King was being shoved into the ground, gasping angrily. He snarled at the statue as it shoved him in deeper…deeper…

Then suddenly he roared out a word. "BLIZZAGA!" And ice shot forth from the tips of his clawed hands, enveloping the statue quickly, harshly. Soon he was in a gigantic ice crystal…and then huge chunks of ice rained down, right on the crystal and the statue, shattering them all into pieces. The magus grinned. "One down…"

"TWO!" Tohru shouted, suddenly grabbing his foe and jumping in the air. He thrust the statue head-first onto the ground and it broke into rubble. He stood up and brushed himself off. "Let that be a lesson…NOBODY is unbreakable."

Meanwhile, Uncle and Barbatos were still engaged in pitched combat. Uncle was dodging expertly, ducking and diving around, but he couldn't do it forever. Finally he was forced to drop his pufferfish and was now being forced with his back to the wall. Barbatos cackled. "You're finished now, old man! Any last words?"

"Yes…you should have built your toys better." Uncle said, adjusting his glasses calmly. Barbatos blinked.

"What the hell is THAT supposed to-?"

KABLAM!

He was punched away from Uncle and sent flying…and Tohru grabbed him in midair, shoving him to the ground, to a blood red portal.

"STAY…DOWN…AND DON'T…TOUCH…MY…**SENSEI**!!!" He snarled, shoving him through it. Barbatos vanished with a scream into it. King dusted himself off and looked at Uncle. "Thanks for stalling."

Uncle nodded. "Mess with billy goat…get horns."

ELSEWHERE…

Nick found himself standing in front of a crypt with its door open. Then he found himself slowly walking down it, step by step, passing frightening pictures of people in suffering and pain. He ignored them as best he could, but The Willies kept rippling through him.

"Shin, you'd better be okay…" He thought out loud. "It…it wouldn't be right if I got there and you were-"

He stepped off the stairs on the last step and gasped.

It was a huge, underground cathedral. There, sitting in a pew, head bowed, was the unmistakable figure of Shin Dell. Nick ran over to him, relieved.

"Shin, you're okay!" He shouted, rushing to help him out of there…but he found Shin wasn't moving. He looked sullen and depressed. "Shin?"

"…I'm…I'm a fake…a sham. A charade." Shin murmured. "All my life I thought I could do some good for people, and…and now I learn the truth beneath the truth. I don't matter and I'm destined to make people suffer."

He held his face in his hands. "I'm a God Killer." He wept. "I'm going to bring Heaven and Earth down and I can't change my fate…because I used a Blessed Passing I have…have a trace of Heaven upon me, and when I change into my final form, I'll be able to use that trace to locate Heaven and raze it. There's nothing I can do, Nick…nothing."

Nick shook him, looking completely horrified. "Don't say that kinda crap!" He shouted. "You're NOT evil! You're a good person, you always have been…"

Shin looked up at Nick and Nick saw he was crying black tears. "Nick…once it starts…I won't be able to stop it. And…and Barbatos put an alchemic seal on me…" He raised his shirt. Nick gasped.

Carved into his chest was a circle with Latin writing all around it that Nick recognized as "I am Life/Earth/Everything" on the top and "Unleash Hell" on the bottom, "Solve Infernis". The design in the middle were three triangles with their points colliding in the middle and stripes placed accordingly in between the middles, with a large circle running around the tips and a six-pointed pentagram in each triangle. On the outer ring, the Ouroboros circled around.

"I can't leave with this on me. And once he returns with dragon blood, I'll…I'll become the God Killer. Please…" Shin begged. "Nick…I'm begging you…kill me…"

Nick smacked him on the shoulder. "Quit that kinda talk! Jesus Christ, you're my friend, and right now I don't care what you're saying, you're not right in the head! Now let's go!"

Meanwhile, the Enforcers had been busy inside the shop, doing some experimenting with potions and spells. Their goal was near…a teleportation spell to get them to Big V and free him and the others.

"Got it! Eye of Newt, Tongue of Dog-EWWW, tongue of DOG!"

"Oh, take a chill pill. Pour it in the pot."

"Let's see…we have to "cool it with a goat's blood, so that the charm is firm and good", according to the book."

There came several angry "HOT-CHAA's" from outside. Uncle was getting pissed.

"Let's hurry this up and get them back." Finn said. "All right. The last ingredient we need…a small item belonging to the people we're seeking out."

They all looked at each other. "Anybody got anything?" Finn asked again.

Hak Foo reached down into his pocket and removed a small box from it. He opened it up and dropped in a little doll made of hair into the pot.

"I'd…rather not talk about it." He said. "Nobody had best speak of this to anyone."

"Oh yeah, sure!"

"Absolutely.

"What hair-doll?"

They all stirred the ingredients of the pot together, pouring in some hot water to make the necessary catalytic reaction. The pot's contents glowed, and then shot up, enveloping them all…

They then found themselves still looking into the pot, but now they were inside of a shop of a weird kind, with Shendu, Julian and his wife all tied up, and Xiao on the ground. All were tied up, but Xiao had fallen out of his chair and was trying to break free of the bonds…to no avail.

"Stupid cold iron chains!" He snarled. "Stupid magic-sapping cold iron chains! Stupid, stupid-"

He looked up at them. "Oh! By Great Odin's beard, you've come! Come on, get us out of these things!"

Hak Foo easily broke them free and helped his employer up. "We are glad you are safe. Come, we must go."

"I think not." A voice from the doorway said.

They turned around, all gasping. A certain red-haired, bow and arrow-wielding archangel was standing there, grinning in a frightening fashion. "Uriel! Crap!" Finn yelled. "Big V, Shendude, Mrs. V, Fung-master, get going!"

"We'll hold this jerk off!" Ratso agreed, taking up a fighting pose.

Julian looked horrified. "But-but…"

"Just go!" Chow shouted. Xiao had already reached the teleporting cauldron and had gazed in. He was gone in an instant.

"Where is my Sandi?" Julian and Shendu demanded to know. They then both looked at each other and snarled.

"She apparently escaped." Uriel said. "Not that you will…"

Suddenly Hak Foo knocked him down with a quick, harsh kick to the face. "Hound defends Master!"

"Go!" The Enforcers insisted.

Valmont looked down at the ground silently as his wife and Shendu walked to the cauldron and were whisked away. He looked back up at them.

"…I'm…" He began.

"You don't gotta say nothing." Ratso said. "We know."

"You gave us a second chance. It's time we gave you something back." Chow explained.

"We're countin' on you to be a good dad, alright? And try to get along with Shendude."

"…I will miss you." Hak Foo admitted sadly as Uriel got up, drawing a burning arrow.

Valmont grit his teeth and dove for the pot, looking in. WOOOSH! He was gone.

"So…we're doing this, huh?" Ratso asked.

"You're asking this NOW, Ratso?" Chow admonished.

"I am at peace with this." Hak Foo said.

"On the count of three. One…two…" Finn said.

Uriel raised his bow.

"THREE!"

They charged.

The bow twanged four times.

Silence rang throughout the shop.

ELSEWHERE…

Dragging Shin towards the exit, Nick kept on trying to perk him up. But nothing he was saying was working.

"Life is pointless…" Shin groaned. "Nothing's worthwhile. Maybe I should play in traffic…"

"At least NOW you're talking about playing!" Nick groaned. "Now come on-"

"WHAT…THE HECK…do you think you're doing?!" Xan snarled, suddenly emerging from a blood-red portal. "Trying to make off with MY prize?!"

"You bitch!" Nick shouted. "You selfish monster, he's a human being and you can't control him!"

"Oh actually…" Xan raised his hand and pointed at him. "I can. FENARIO!" He laughed.

Shin suddenly wailed horribly, pulling free from Nick and staggering away towards the underground altar. Nick gasped in horror.

"Shin…what…what's going on?"

"Nick…g-g-get…get awayawayawayawayawaaaaaayyyyyy!!!" He screamed, grabbing his head, blood pouring from his mouth. "AAAAA!!!"

And then Nick was blown back by a huge gust of wind, hitting the wall. He fainted into unconsciousness, and it was a good thing too, because he didn't see the horrific transformation that took place.

A few moments later…

Shin screamed as his body stretched and twisted, white ram-like horns growing out from the sides of his head and back of his head, twisting up, a tail sprouting out…

The place exploded as Shin's form became cursed. He was now an ENORMOUS dragon. The horns glistened in the light, and his tail was long and had a scythe-like end to its slender form. His eyes had become red, with slitted black pupils. He had a whiteish "mask" on his face from which four black horns jutted out, tipped with orange. The mask had a "goatee" of sorts, and a sharp nose. He had wings that were rather mechanical in design…at least the first set were, thick and grey with red/orange tips. There was a set below them, almost…fragile, delicate, resembling a butterfly. He had strong, sharp arms, and long claws on his hands, with HUGE, taloned feet. It had an immensely armored body of grey steel and sharp fangs. It howled in the sky.

Nick woke up to the sound of that howl and watched, horrified, as Shin flew up, up into the Heavens, glowing white. "Holy…"

"SHIT." Raphael groaned as the immense beast that had once been an innocent boy burst forth through the pearly gates. St. Peter dove to the side just as a clawed hand swiped at him, and jumped over the spiked tail.

"Help me out here!" He shouted, thrusting both hands forward and chanting. A blast of light energy sent the creature back some as angels came forth from beyond the gates, armed and ready, throwing spears, knives, and of course, in Uriel's case, shooting flaming arrows. He was completely lost. The bloodwrath was upon him.

"VALLHALLLAAAAA!" He found himself shouting, raising his bow and letting arrows fly. They struck against the beast's armor…but didn't do much of anything, save for getting it angry. The beast howled at them, and in a single howl, the supersonic effect knocked them all flying back. It then slammed it's clawed hands together and another supersonic blast shot out, sending them flying back even further…it was smarter than it looked.

Rushing past the knocked-down angels, Gabriel and Sariel had flown back up to Heaven and were armed and ready. Gabriel raised his scythe, Sariel wielding her lance. "Chaaaarge!" She shouted, leading another segment of angels at the demonic dragon. Sariel dodged a claw and leapt into the air on her wings, stabbing the beast straight in the chest…

The lance hit home. The God Killer screeched angrily and knocked her down with a clawed hand. It swiped some more angels away and then raised its talons to grind her into dust, growling evilly…

Then something VERY sharp sliced into his foot. Gabriel had rushed forward and with a fury not too often seen, he was sawing away at the foot. The transformed Shin howled in pain and began stumbling back…they were DOING it; they were forcing it back through the gates!

The Cherubim appeared, wielding bows and arrows. Synchronizing their attacks with the lance thrusts of the Seraphim as Raphael ordered them on, using his own lance to strike Shin's hands back whenever it tried to reach for them, they slowly moved the beast back, further, further…

Then Michael came onto the scene. His armor glinting in the holy light, mouth open in a battle cry, he raised his sword and rushed forward at the dragon as the others pulled back. He swung it hard…

SCHLA-ULP! It went in deep. Screaming in pain, the beast fell down, down, down…right back to Earth. Michael nodded at Raphael, Gabriel and Uriel. It was time to put an end to all of this.

But where DID Shin land? Well, in the time that the battle had been going on, Nick had quickly made his way back to San Francisco, where everyone was meeting up all over again in an attempt to regroup. He informed King of the transformation and the magus sighed.

"…I feared this. Poor Shin…he never meant to hurt anyone, now he…now he is the most terrible monster I could have-"

Then the earth shook with incredible violence…and Nick knew why.

"Oh crappity crap." Nick groaned.

"Don't tell me. He's landed here in San Fran." Jackie groaned.

"Yep."

"Is he angry?"

"…probably lost in rage."

Jackie said nothing at first. Then he clenched his fist and drove it into his palm, a look of determination on his face. "Bring it on." He said. "Uncle…prepare the aura enhancement-"

"Your Uncle…has it covered." Uncle said, holding up a potion from the nearest table.

They all ran outside, horrified at what they saw. The God Killer, in all his terrible glory, was growling and snarling as the archangels of Heaven launched attack after attack at him. Uriel's bow twanged and the glow of fire echoed throughout the city. Gabrielle's scythe cut down any rock or hunk of building that the God Killer Shin threw at him. Raphael's lance was charged with wind energy, and he swirled it around and around, slicing at Shin with hurricane winds. Michael was extremely passionate, he would not let up on slicing and dicing with his sword, as energy waves shot out from each swing.

After about five minutes, Nick spoke. "Looks kind of one-sided, maybe they'll be able to beat him after-"

Then Shin…or what was LEFT of him inside that thing…decided it was pissed. It stretched out its arms, clenched its fists and howled into the sky. A red aura wave shot out, knocking every single one of the archangels back. Growling angrily, the demonic dragon stomped over to Uriel and grabbed him in its mouth, beginning to chew…

SLAM! A punch knocked the archangel right out of Shin's mouth as several teeth went flying out as well. King caught the archangel and set him down as Nick fell deftly back to the ground, cracking his knuckles. All of the others stood around him.

"Funk this crunk, they're gonna need ALL our help to do this!" Nick shouted. "I know you might not want to…but Shin would want us to do this! LET'S KNOCK HIM DOWN!"

Each one of the demons transformed into their full appearance and let loose mighty attacks. Hsi Wu cut at Shin with his claws as he whizzed by his face, intending on blinding him. Tso Lan's mastery of gravity kept the dragon flipping around whenever it tried to launch an attack with its claws. When the dragon opened its mouth and began to breath fire, Shendu stepped in its path and absorbed it casually, as Bai Tsa then drenched Shin in water. Xiao Fung's wind attacks belched out from his mouth as Dai Gui picked up huge chunks of earth and tossed them into the path, so that Xiao's wind knocked the chunks right at Shin, and Tchang Zu was having a field day tossing lightning bolt after lightning bolt.

The humans party wasn't slacking off. It was amazing how fast Tohru and Uncle could chant "Yu mo gui gwai fai te zao" as energy blasts from their newts and their pufferfish respectively struck Shin over and over. Jackie and El Toro had leapt on Shin and were each pummeling him in the neck, their aura enhancing their strength. Jade and Paco had gotten ahold of some explosive potions and were tossing them at Shin, while Viper emptied her guns over and over into him. Drago and his posse slammed their fists into Shin's legs while Sandi used her own shamanic talent to produce a large hammer, which she used to strike Shin's arms.

Nick suddenly turned behind him, sensing something. The Ouroboros was there, looking down at him. He nodded and knelt down to Nick, who saw the serpent was baring his forehead. Nick reached out and touched it, and he knew, he KNEW…he had the blessing of balance in that moment. He could do it. THEY could do it.

The Ouroboros smiled up at him before vanishing. Nick turned back to face Shin and then focused his power, building it up until finally…

He rushed forward, fist held high, glowing brightly. His headband whipped in the air as his martial arts gear shone with conviction, almost as brightly as that fist. He leapt into the air and drove the fist into Shin's chest with a cry…

"WAKE UUUUPPPP!!!"

There was a blinding flash. A large circle seemed to flash around Shin's body, strange symbols lining up and down it…

Then…

The dragon stood before them all, panting…wheezing. Nick walked back a few steps. So did all the others.

It lowered its head, gasping. Then…

"Don't…don't look…at me…" It whispered with a roaring, deep bass. "Don't…look at me, stay…stay away, stay away from me…"

Finally it howled in sorrow and flew into the air, tears falling down as heavy as a bucket-load. Nick kicked the ground slightly, head hung.

"…I got him to wake up…that's it? Should…should the rest be up to him?..."

"The rest is up to US." Uriel said, standing up. The archangels were dusting themselves off.

"You all did a very nice job, but now it's over, alright? We can take care of the rest." Gabriel said.

"It seems prophecies aren't to be trusted." Michael remarked.

"Yeah, we…we kicked the demon out of Heaven before he could do any harm. The Demon of Shadow…" Raphael began.

"Brought about the end of Heaven." Nick finished. He turned angrily at them. "You've damned yourselves."

Uriel snarled "What did you?!-"

Michael raised a hand. "ELABORATE."

"Take a good look around the city." Jade said angrily. "You TRASHED it in your f—kin' fight, you MORONS!"

The angels blinked and looked around. They had been so preoccupied with defeating the Demon of Shadow they hadn't noticed that…

Uriel's arrows had set fire to many buildings in his misses, and that those that had been batted away had struck homes.

Raphael's winds had blown debri and chunks of earth around…people had been crushed as a result, windows and doorways shattered like bones.

Gabriel's scythe had sliced rocks and debri away, and as a result of his deflections, the area all around where they'd been fighting was torn up and trashed, the road wrecked.

And Michael's energy waves, shooting forth from his sword, had missed as he swung the blade in rage. They had gone through buildings, through thin air, through people that had gotten too close to see the fight, peeking out from alleyways and windows nearby.

"…you betrayed the ideals you once fought for." Uncle said. "You…were no better than a demon yourselves just now."

"Getting lost in the fight, uncaring about who might get in the way…" King spat.

"You guys make me _sick_." Jade snapped.

"Just get outta here." Nick told them angrily. "Just…GET OUT."

The angels all looked at each other guiltily. One by one they left. Raphael, tossing one final, sorry look at Nick, was the last to go. Nick looked down at the road beneath him, seeing the cracks run all around.

"…well…we should get started on cleaning the damage."

"Right. King, Tohru, Xiao, Tso, you all know healing spells, try and find as many injured people as you can. I shall assist you while the boy shall help the others clean up the damage…"

Nick watched them walk off, then went back into the antiques shop, bringing out a broom. He looked at the stormy sky, and heard the wind blow in his ears, chilling him. All was silent, save for the occasional far-off groans of pain and humming of spells in the distance. Jade and Jackie and the other demons were moving pieces of rubble to the side. Nick held the broom tightly in his hands, looking down at the devastation.

And he found himself thinking of his father and his brother, both Beatles fans. He found himself thinking of John, Ringo, George and his favorite, Paul. He found himself thinking of…of that song…

And as he swept the rubble away and the wind still bit slightly at him, he sang slowly but surely and clearly, that song…one of so many his father had sung for him when he was just a babe, ready for sleep.

"Hey Jude…don't make it bad…take a sad song…and make it betterrr…remember…to let her into your heart…then you can start…to make it better…hey Jude…don't be afraid…you were made to…go out and get her…the minute…you let her under your skin…then you begin…to make it better…"

And soon, Jackie and Jade were singing.

"Any any time, you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain…don't carry the world upon your shoulders….for well you know that it's a fool…who plays it cool…by making his world a little golder? Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-naaa…"

Shendu began singing with Sandi, and then Drago and Hao joined in. "Hey Jude…don't let me down…you have found her…now go and get her!"

"Let it out, and let it in!" Nick laughed.

"Remember…to let her into your heart…then you can start…to make it better, better, better, better, better, better…"

"YEAH!" Nick yelled, twirling the broom. And soon, he knew, he could hear it, all of San Fran was singing.

"Naaa…na-na, na-na-na-na! Na-na-na-na! Hey Jude! Naaa…na-na, na-na-na-na! Na-na-na-na! Hey Jude!"

Things would be okay.

"Naaa…na-na, na-na-na-na! Na-na-na-na! Hey Jude! Naaa…na-na, na-na-na-na! Na-na-na-na! Hey Jude!"

"Judey, Judey, Judey, Judey!"

"Naaa…na-na, na-na-na-na! Na-na-na-na! Hey Jude!"

Yeah…it would all work out Nick thought as a butterfly floated in front of him, its Monarch wings gentle in the breeze that no longer bit at them all. They would make sure of it.

ELSEWHERE…

"So…how about it?" Vassago asked.

"…it's agreed." The man said, shaking Vassago's hand. "I'm glad you're willing to help me out."

"I'm not doing this for you…well, not just you, you understand."

"Fair enough."

"But I'm glad you're helping…" Vassago grinned. "Hohenheim of Light."

**Author's Note:**

**Oh, tests. How I hate you. And yet Christmas Vacation...how I love you. Both so close to each other it drives me up the wall! So a shout out to anyone who's got tests to take care of: hang in there! In fact, what are you doing right now? I'm already done with all but one test, what about you? Go study...AFTER reading and reviewing this story of course...**


	45. Love

**CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR**

LOVE…

"I hear something…"

It was midnight in Delhi. A few guards were stationed near a very rich man's house, doing their job…okay, not really. They'd been playing strip poker.

"A thief, perhaps?" One of them asked.

"Who's there?" A man asked, holding a huge knife up.

A large creature was the source of the sounds. They peeked around the corner and then whistled, getting its attention.

"Huh?"

"What do you think YOU'RE doing?!" The "group leader" demanded to know.

The creature was a large pink dragon. It had two horns curving back from the top of its head on each side. It had golden eyes, sharp claws, and taloned feet. It also had very nice pearly whites and wings that had golden tips. Its claws and talons were made of gold as well, and most interestingly of all…it was quite slender and rather beautiful, even by human standards. It was decidedly sexy-looking.

"So girly, wanna play with a REAL man?" The group leader asked, his hormone levels reaching a dangerous high level.

"_Ooh_, okay!"

"Ulp!" He shouted as she grabbed him. "Put me doowwwnnn!"

"Helloooo!" She said, moving him back and forth in the air like a doll. "I am Mr. Ha-peee!"

"AAA!"

"Let's go interview the chickens!" She said, walking over to the chicken coop nearby.

"I don't wanna interview no chickens!"

She butted his head against the chicken coop. "Oh Maguffin? Rogerrogerroger? You in there?"

A chicken promptly stuck its head out and grabbed the man's nose with its beak. The dragon dropped the man who ran around in a circle, screaming. "AAA! Get if off me, get it off me!"

"Playing with humans sure is fun!" The dragon laughed. "Hey, you two! Wanna play with the chickens?"

The men promptly ran for it, screaming "It's a monster" over and over.

MUCH LATER, SEVERAL DAYS ACTUALLY…

Most of our loveable group was was still in the process of cleaning up San Fran, so Jade, Hsi, Hao, Drago and his Posse had volunteered to get the next bell piece. It was a good thing too, they all needed SOME good news. Shin was still nowhere to be found, Drew was still despondent over the loss of his friends, and they'd been going to funerals for two weeks now. It was as if nobody in San Fran wanted to really do anything buy mourn and wait for happiness to find them.

Hao led the group down the roads of Delhi, instructing them on what they knew about the bell piece here, where it was, who might be after it, etc.

"Now we've all faced down most of the Lord Demons. There is one left we have not faced in combat at all, the one Nick met, the one Valmont and King said they also saw, the one called "Lucifer". And the leader, the Grand Lord, is in a class all of his own, apparently." Hao informed them.

"Yeah, and we know what Lucifer looks like now. We'll keep an eye out." Drago mumbled.

"Try and take this seriously. And be respectful. India has a rich culture and its traditions are extremely important here." Jade told him.

"Oh, sorry baby doll." Drago responded. Hsi Wu inwardly flinched. Jade blushed.

"Can we keep our minds out of our pants?" Hao asked. "Now listen, there's something you ought to know about Indian mythology. King gave me this paper…" He took it out. "It says that there's supposedly a contact here that can lead us to where the bell piece is. He should be in the house of worship, a "mandira", at the end of the road."

The four of them all continued walking. Each of them had their own thoughts. Drago was thinking about how he would be getting some that night if he played his cards right. Jade was thinking about how she felt like a tigress when she was with Drago. Hsi was thinking about how much he was starting to hate Drago. Hao…

Hao was speaking with his other self. His dragon side.

**_"You know how the future turns out for Jade."_**

"…I know."

**_"Why don't you do something about it?"_**

"…why should I? She's happy."

**_"But is it RIGHT?"_**

"…well…if she's happy, and HE'S happy, then isn't it right?"

**_"I wish it was that simple. How happy is she now? And how happy was she in the future?"_**

"…are you suggesting that I-"

"Oh f—k me." Drago complained.

Up ahead in the road, in the only entranceway through leading into the building that they needed to go through…was a crowd surrounding an obstacle. An obstacle that was…a white cow.

"Moooo." Said the cow.

"Oh boy." Jade groaned. "Aren't cows sacred to Hindus?"

"…yes…" Hao groaned. "They won't touch her."

"Then I'LL move the stupid old thing!" Drago snarled, marching towards the cow. Several dozen people saw his intent and immediately stood in his way, glaring at him.

"Hey, out of the way!"

"Sacred cow must not be disturbed!"

"Just let me "help it along" then!" Drago demanded.

"Hold up, hold up. Nick can understand all sorts of languages and he seems to be able to speak with animals." Jade said. "I'll call him up." She reached for her phone and began dialing.

MEANWHILE…

"Hey, how's it going, Paco? Frank?"

Dai Gui and Paco were in school, doing math problems together in the cafeteria. Naturally Dai was in his human form. They were trying to solve them together and failing miserably. VERY miserably.

"So if "e" is…no, no…"

"Divided by the…no…"

"Oh, hi Lily. We're just…doing some, you know, math."

"It looks like you're failing the class, from what I can tell." Lily said. She was kind of slutty for her age, yet also very beautiful. She had raven black hair, long nails, and liked dressing in black and pink, especially in a mini-skirt. She had golden nail polish, a nice touch.

"Yeah, we…uh…we're not too good with this stuff! Physics is tricky…"

"D—N it!" Dai Gui shouted. "What the heck is "Ohm's Law"!?!"

"Ohm's law. A voltage source, V, drives an electric current, I, through resistor, R, the three quantities obeying Ohm's law: V IR." Lily explained.

They both blinked. "THAT'S it?"

"THAT'S Ohm's law?"

"Yep." Lily said, smiling. Now see you guys around! I gotta go do my nails again." She walked off.

"Wow. Lily knows so much…" Paco said admiringly.

"Maybe Dai Gui will actually do well on the quiz now." Dai thought out loud.

Nick and Tchang had been catching up. Nick now knew pretty much everything he needed to know about what was going on down in Hell, and Tchang knew everything that had been going on up above. After all, those down in Hell didn't know of the present, right?

"So this "Lucifer"…he's the second-most enigmatic of the Lord Demons?"

"Yes. I've never heard the Grand Lord mentioned by his normal name. He's the first-most enigmatic. Lucifer, apparently...apparently he is supposed to be incredibly strong."

"And what Snizzi said about true power…it was true?"

"Yes. True power doesn't go away, it's passed on to something or someone else. I would know, the great Thunder wielder Raiden taught me a few tricks…"

"Oh WOW, I've heard of him! No wonder you're so…shockingly-"

"Don't finish that sentence or I'll pour gravy on your toes at night and nibble on them."

"Is that what Shendu's been doing to Jackie?"

"…..maybe." Tchang said mysteriously.

Nick rubbed his chin. Both of them were in the kitchen of the antiques shop, sipping drinks and taking a little break from cleaning duties. In Nick's case, the drink was a root beer, in Tchang's case a sake. The TV was on.

"And that was our latest case of "Attack of the Christmas Critters". Now for the list of Top 25 Worst Sequels of All time."

"Oh boy." Nick groaned. "Don't they have something more important to show? Like the plight of starving children or-"

"Bad Boys II! Caddyshack II! Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace! Rocky V! Major League II!"

"I've never even HEARD of Major League!" Nick complained.

"Jaws 3-D!"

"Oh, I saw "I love the 80's", they said that movie sucked too…"

"I haven't even SEEN Jaws, but from what I've learned of your culture in my time here…"

"Yeah, Tchang?"

"Anything with the term "3-D" in it is going to stink."

"…usually, yeah…"

"Scary Movie 2!"

"Hey, I LIKED that movie!"

"The Sting II!"

"…there was a sequel?"

"Legally Blonde II! The Next Karate Kid! Battle for the Planet of the Apes! The Exorcist II! Be Cool!"

"Hey, Be Cool starred Uma Thurman! How DARE they, how DARE they!" Nick protested.

"Son of the Mask! The Matrix Revolutions!"

"Everyone's a critic. The series is still great!" Nick insisted.

"Really? What's it about?"

"Well, have you heard about Plato-"

"Superman IV!"

"Ohhh…poor Supes…"

"Speed 2! Weekend at Bernie's II! The Blues Brothers 2000!"

"The oiriginal was amazing!" Nick admitted. "I musta watched it 24 times…"

"Jason X! Staying Alive! Book of Shadows: Blair Witch II! Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry met Lloyd!"

"Saturday Night Fever was great stuff! I should have been born before the 60's, I could have rocked up the disco era…"

"Oh really? What exactly is "disco"?"

"Well, it's one of the few dances that white people look good doing!"

"_Ahhhhh_...another thing for me to excel in!"

"Basic Instinct II!"

"I don't even know what it's about and I'll bet it has to do with sex." Tchang said off the bat. "What else would a movie title like that be implying?"

"And the worst sequel of all…**Batman and Robin**!"

"OUCH!" Nick exclaimed. "Poor Bats! Poor Robin…"

"And now for an update on those stranded miners!"

"All right!" Nick said happily. "Are they okay?"

"Wait…this just in! **Manbearpig** has been sighted in Canada. We go now to the video feed that shows this horrible beast just before he struck at a bunch of campers."

Luckily Nick saw where this was going and shut the TV off. "Damn it! I should stick to watching episodes of JCA on my fancy watch! This is all getting more out of control. How many freaky evil things are leaking out onto the Earth?"

"Most were always there, but were just…well, mellowed out. Except for those Christmas Critters." Tchang admitted.

"…_**Dude**_." Nick gaped.

"Wait...did you just say that you could watch shows on your-"

"Uh huh. Besides music, I happen to have all sorts of TV shows on my watch, I can put on Emeril, Jackie Chan Adventures, Malcolm in the Middle, History channel specials on mythological figures, those are my favorites..." Nick said proudly. It was true what they said about boys and their toys!

"Anyhow, that reminds me of some things I heard as a prisoner down in Hell. I heard Leviathan talking to Lillith on one day while the two wenches were guarding me, she said…" He then promptly imitated Leviathan in a bad falsetto. "Oh that Tiamat's such a b—ch, she can't even stick with one idea anymore, first she wanted to wipe them out, now she's all "oh he's so sweet" and then she starts sneaking around at night! Gaaawhh!" Like that."

"Wench? What's a-wait…" Nick blinked. "Tiamat? The Babylonian God of Salt Water and-"

"Feels just like I'm falling for the first tiiime! Yeah it, feels just like I'm falling for the first time!" Nick looked down and saw his cell phone was going off. He picked it up.

"Talk to Nicky!"

"Nick, can YOU talk to a cow?" Jade asked.

"Huh? Oh wait, you're in India, right? Lemme guess…a cow's in your way and you need it to move or something?"

"Yeah. Our contact is supposed to be in a house of worship for Hindus-"

"A "mandira", right?"

"Yep. The entrance to it is blocked by this-HOLY COW!"

"OW!" Nick yelled, pulling away from the cell phone. "Why'd you yell? I can hear you fine! You busted my eardrums or something…"

"No, no, listen, Drago is getting the crap kicked outta him by these Hinduists!"

Nick began laughing incredibly hard.

"It's not FUNNY! Now come on, pull your act together and talk to this cow!"

Jade, back in India, approached the cow. A man stood in her path. "Hold on, you cannot move this-"

"I just want it to speak with someone."

The man looked at her strangely, but stepped back. She held the cell phone up.

"Uh…hello?" Nick asked the cow through the phone.

The cow responded with what SOUNDED like a moo to others, but to Nick, was "Yoooo."

"Uh…I er…don't suppose you could move out of the way so my friends could go inside the building?"

"…nooooope. Sorry."

"Why not?" Nick asked, a bit annoyed.

"I'm comfortable here."

"Now you're just being selfish. Look ya pile of tenderloin, my friends are trying to find all the pieces of the Bell of the Heavens and-"

"Wait…YOU guys are the ones my master wants to contact? Ooh, ooh, I'll go get him!" The cow stood up and trotted inside. "Master, they're here! They're finally here, Lord Krishna!"

"Krishna?"

"Krishna?" Jade asked.

The people all around the place suddenly gasped and fell to their knees.

Drago blinked as he was released. Hsi walked over to him with Hao and they stood by Jade. "Uh…who's this Krishna?" Hao asked.

"That would be me." A decidedly handsome voice remarked as he stepped out of the doorway. Jade and the others gasped.

"Oh my God…is that Krishna?" Tchang Zu stated from the other end. "I've heard of him…he's an Indian LEGEND, he's a GOD!...even though he doesn't have the thundering might that I do. He's sort of a pacifist…"

"Stop insulting important religious figures." Nick said.

Krishna was decidedly Indian in facial appearance, and very handsome. He had a smooth nose and tight buttocks and delicate-looking skin that was blue in color. He had black hair that was tied into a stylish ponytail and wore pants with reflective ring-mirrors embedded on them. He had a red belt and had a flute in one hand. He bowed respectfully.

"I am Krishna. Avatar of the Supreme Being, Vishnu. You are the ones I have been waiting for."

Jade gulped. "R-really?" She felt pretty nervous being around a god. I mean, even SHE had heard of him.

"Yes. Come inside. There is much we have to talk about…and I've made tea…and hot chocolate."

"I've got lots of milk if you need it." The cow mooed. Nick translated it for them.

"Keep me on the line, I GOTTA hear this." Nick insisted. "Er…and uh…I can pay for the extra minutes, I think…"

"Don't worry. I've got rollover minutes and I signed up with the unlimited calls for $24.95 plan with-"

Taking Jade by her other hand before she could finish a blatant product placement, Krishna led them inside the mandira and they were treated to a very large area with pillows all around. Several boiling pots were in the center, along with some lamps on each side. There were some canteens littered here and there.

"That one is green tea, that's the hot chocolate, that's some soup I made myself…it relaxes your chi very nicely." Krishna explained as they all took a pillow.

"Uh, I'll take some hot chocolate." Jade asked.

Krishna nodded and began to play his flute. A cup by her pillow flew up slowly to hand level. Then it went over to the pot of hot chocolate and dipped in, filling up. It then gently sailed back to her, and she took it.

Jade sipped the hot beverage that had been offered to her and let out an "mmm" as it went down her throat. "Ooh, it's so creamy and smooth."

Krishna nodded. "I am happy to delight. Now then, to business. The bell piece as it were, is currently in the hands of a certain individual…or rather, in TWO certain individuals. I do not know either of their names, only that they are in league with each other and that they live together. I know this from the witnesses that have seen them."

"People have SEEN the people that took the bell piece?"

"Dragons took it, not people. And one of them apparently likes fooling around and playing with whatever humans she can find when she's stealing jewels and gold from the rich people around here." Krishna said in a calm fashion.

"Stealing gold is pretty standard hording-wait, **what**? PLAYING?!" Hao asked.

"She's made about 5 people "Interview the chickens", pretended about 8 of them were dolls, made several of them do dances by breathing fire near them and…well…tickled about 9 people."

"Tickled? TICKLED? A DRAGON did this?" Drago asked, completely shocked…and feeling a bit embarrassed to be a member of the dragon family.

"That's what the witnesses have told me." Krishna said. "I've managed to keep this secret because I wanted to deal with it myself, and so nobody's told any government representatives. If THEY tried anything, we would be in trouble. They simply have so little patience!"

Hsi spoke up. "So where would we be able to find them?"

"Well, they seem to be attracted to rich people. We're running out of those, but there are about four houses left that have been untouched and…"

"And four of us. So if we ALL stake out a house…" Hao reasoned…

Krishna nodded. "Right. We'll be able to catch them in the act and force them to give us the bell piece."

Drago nodded. "Sounds like a sound plan." He grabbed the canteen and took a swig. Then his eyes went wide and he spat out what he's drunken. "What's IN your moonshine!?!"

"Er, that…was…the lamp oil." Krishna said nervously.

"Bathroom! Good LORD, where's the bathroom!?!" Drago howled.

"So much for our plans tonight." Jade snickered to herself. Hsi began laughing madly as Drago rushed to the bathroom to the right, and a loud retching noise was heard.

"Hold on." Nick said. "If you're going to be staking out a house, you ought to know a few things that I've learned from spy movies and such…"

THAT NIGHT…

A shadow-like sliver of a female form lowered itself to the ground off the roof, binoculars in her hand. She brushed her hair back and looked at the sleek black outfit she was wearing.

"D—n I clean up good! Wish Drago could see me now." She remarked. She reached down to her belt and took her walkie-talkie off, activating it. "Topaz in place."

RULE NUMBER ONE: Use Code Names.

Brushing his hair back, Hao responded on his walkie-talkie, putting his night-vision goggles on with his gloved hands. "Roger. Ready to fly."

RULE NUMBER TWO: Dress for the occasion.

Drago cocked the hammer of his sniper rifle back and slung it over his shoulder as he stood on the roof. He raised his own walkie-talkie. "Locked and loaded. Bring 'em on."

RULE NUMBER THREE: Weapon up.

Hsi flew above his target silently, peering down intently in his full demon form. He raised his own walkie-talkie. "I've got it under lock and key. If someone comes by…I'll see 'em."

RULE NUMBER FOUR: Get a bird's eye view.

Krishna, back in the "HQ" sat in front of a computer with the cow, looking at camera screens. All of the "spies" that were out watching the houses had cameras hidden on them. "Just hold on everyone…they should show up soon."

RULE NUMBER FIVE: Be sure to get walked through it.

"Alright everyone, here's how this goes down." Nick said from the phone. "Once you see them on the cameras and the data's been relayed, I'll be able to check up on them through the internet. I've got everything uplinked to my computer." He sat in front of the computer with Tchang next to him. "If it's one of Hell's hordes…Tchang'll know."

RULE NUMBER SIX: Get some experts.

They all waited patiently. Some time passed. But it seemed like there wasn't anyone coming.

"I'm gonna go take a piss. I'll be right back." Drago reported, walking to the bushes.

"…I am not quite sure what you see in that man." Krishna replied.

"Sometimes I wonder myself." Jade admitted.

Drago was now some distance away from the house he was supposed to be guarding. Dropping his pants, he-

Heard a growl nearby. Which leads us right to…

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: Stick to the plan!

"Oh f-"

Before he could get anything out, he was whacked over the head. He fell to the ground, privates exposed and, worser still, in the middle of peeing.

Krishna banged his head against the keyboard. "D—n it, d—n it, d—n it! I told you all to stick to the plan!"

"Hold on." Jade said. "He's only a few blocks away from me…I'll get him."

**BGM: Bitey's Theme, by Spider Stacey and James Welbourne, from "The Yuyu"**

Jade put the walkie-talkie away and took in a deep breath.

A form stood over the now unconscious and no-longer-peeing Drago, a big pearly white smile showing in the darkness. It regarded him for a few moments then reached down slowly…

Meanwhile, the wind blew around Jade as she stared out into the night in the direction Drago's house was. She saw the roof across from her…

She leapt across it, landing deftly, and sprinted across it, panting and heaving as she ran and the wind continued to whip her hair back.

Another jump. She bent her knees and barreled through the air, twirling as she landed, then sprinted across the roof again.

Drago was being unceremoniously dragged through the forest by the form as it continued to grin and hum to itself.

Meanwhile, Jade had finally reached the house. She jumped down into a tree and then leapt off a branch to the ground below and saw where Drago had been. Taking a deep breath, she then bolted after the track marks.

A river appeared in her path. She leapt over it, rushing through brush and past trees to finally see…

A forest trail…and a form was at the end of it, lifting Drago up onto its shoulder. It turned around and saw her, and its eyes widened. It then bolted.

She gave chase.

She felt as if her lungs would burst, but she ran, leaves and tree branches tearing at her face. But she would not give up. She sprinted hard after the running form, following the path it was taking and finally reaching the end of the path…an large cave greeted her sight in the distance, with the kidnapper taking Drago inside.

She rushed to the cave, shouting out that she had found him and was going in to her walkie-talkie. She roared and rushed inside, leaping, reaching for her boyfriend's hand as it stretched out to her.

And suddenly a tail struck her hard on the head…

And she remembered…nothing more.

(End music)

ELSEWHERE…

"Alright, remind me again what we're doin' here…"

Strikemaster Ice, MC Fist and DJ Cobra were with Krishna…or rather, were doing some cleaning in Krishna's mandira. Specifically, the bathroom that Drago had been puking in.

"This s—t is disgusting." Strikemaster Ice went on. He was on his knees, scrubbing the floor. MC Fist was scrubbing the sink and DJ Cobra was having some problems pulling out the plunger from the toilet…it was stuck in deep.

"I mean, we oughta be doin' more important stuff than-" He began to complain.

Then Krishna burst into the bathroom. "Your leader has been captured! We need to GO. NOW!" He yelled.

"Say whaaaa?" Strikemaster Ice exclaimed. "Big D's gone?"

"They caught him!?!" DJ Cobra gasped. "We gotta go get 'em!"

"Hold it." MC Fist said. He stood up and towered over them. They all looked at him. "We need to know for SURE where he is."

They all blinked. It was true…they didn't know where Drago had been taken. Krishna spoke up. "Jade followed after him, we should try and follow her tracks…"

"We'd get lost though…" Strikemaster Ice said. "I mean, she was FLYIN' after him, wasn't she?"

"Yes, yes…" Krishna admitted. "It would have been helpful if…"

"I put a tracker on them." MC Fist said, pulling out a small locater computer.

They all stared at him. "…"

"…"

"…"

"…wha-WHAAAA?"

"What? Don'tcha know?"

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: Always be prepared!

"What's the tracking computer say?" Krishna asked. "I'm…not so good with handheld things…"

Elsewhere…

"Hear me now, oh you bleak and unbearable world, thou art base and as low as can beee! And a knight…with his banner all bravely unfurled…now hurls down his gauntlet to theeee! I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha, Defeater of Evil am IIII…and I march to the roar of the great winds of glory…forever to conquer or die!"

"Uncle is trying to SLEEEEEEP!"

Jackie had put on his favorite CD and was cleaning the antiques shop. He was now lost in the song, and was sweeping around, waving the broom around like a lance as he pranced around the room.

Meanwhile, up in Heaven, Raphael put on his armor, and pulled some hair back from his gaze. He looked at the mirror and nodded, then grabbed his mighty spear from nearby.

"Hear me heathens and wizards and serpents of sin, now your dastardly doings are past! For a hoooly endeavor is now to begin…and virtue shall triumph at laaaast!"

He then flew forth over the skies, barreling past his fellow brothers who looked at him strangely. What the?

"I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha, a name all the world soon shall knoooow! And the hard winds of Fortune shall carry me onward…wherever, wherever they blow!"

"Onward to glory I go!" Nick sang out on the rooftop as Jackie sang inside.

"I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha...a name all the world soon shall know!" He bellowed out passionately.

"And the hard winds of Fortune shall carry me onward…" Jackie sang.

"Wherever, wherever they blow!" Raphael proclaimed.

"Wherever…"

"They…"

"Blow…"

"ONWARD TO GLORY I GOOOO!"

"Nephew has lousy singing voice! ONE MORE THING! Uncle now needs tea to sleep! ONE MORE THING! You are going to be making the tea! ONE MORE THING!..."

ELSEWHERE…

"…….."

"………!"

"…..no…YOU..."

"No…I…YOU…!"

"No I love YOU more!"

Jade and Drago awoke to the sound of a couple doing some lovely-dovey bickering inside of a HUGE cave that was filled from top to bottom with glorious-looking artwork, piles of cash and gold, treasures that belonged in "Arabian Nights" and…ooh, a wine cellar…classy! The lady they saw was a thin, sexy-looking pink dragon and her apparent lover was a serpent with large, imposing wings. He had a smooth black body and a fiery underbelly, with flame for hair as it rolled down from the top of his head and down his neck. Both looked quite strong and formidable.

Jade was actually tied up to Drago with strange, pulsing purple bonds, magic in nature. Jade was surprised that Drago was so worried, he wouldn't stop shaking. They'd been in worse situations than THIS, why the pants-wetting panicky look?

"What are you doing freaking out?" She asked.

"That-that big-big sn-sn-snake, that…that thing, that's…"

"That's WHO?"

"That's one of the biggest threats to the entire WORLD!" He shouted. "From what Dad told me, he could devour everything and everyone in it in no time at all…and that-that dragon with him is one of the strongest dragons around, Dad…Dad once tried to get her on his side and she almost KILLED him!"

"Wow, how long did he rule for?"

"Longer than the Immortals wanted, and he got things done pretty quickly since he was able to manipulate his followers into doing most of the gruntwork while he was off trying to gain magical allies…"

"Oh, so you ARE Shendu's kid. Yeah, he approached me about…oh, I think 3 months before he got turned into a statue. I remember because when I heard it, I made a resolution to go and dance on his palace's ruins every anniversary, he was such a SLEAZEBALL." The dragoness said. Her scales shimmered lightly, like the surface of a pink bubblegum balloon. "Nice to meetcha. I'm Tiamat."

"Tia…mat…" Jade gaped. "Oh WOW, you are like, one of my FAVE mythological characters!"

"Thanks." Tiamat said, smiling in a broad fashion. "You're Jade Chan, aren't you? I recognize you, I saw you talking with Krishna earlier."

Jade blinked. "You've been spying on us?"

"Yeah, yeah." The dragoness waved her hand dismissively. "Me and my baby here have a very happy lifestyle here."

"It's kind of alternative, but it's very preferable to what we had before, always living in fear and struggling to sssssurvive." The serpent told them. He had a voice that made Jade think of a roaring fire that was itching to grow louder if she'd only step closer. He hissed in laughter, and she pictured sparks flying into the night sky. "Excuse the "ssss" effect. I like to do it simply because it makes my prey cringe."

"You can't go stealing things from people-" Jade began. But then Drago interrupted her.

"Look, we just want the bell piece, okay? Can we just grab it and go? Then you can go back to having hot sex on top of your bed of stolen goods."

Tiatmat "harrumphed". "Don't you talk about our burning, passionate love for each other like that! It's more than just about stealing! If it was just about getting nice things to lie on or count or use to buy even nicer things, then we'd move somewhere else. But we happen to like it out here…it's quiet, peaceful, and more importantly, we can **flaunt** ourselves."

"…what?" Jade asked.

The serpent broke free from his love's embrace and towered above them. "Do you know…who I am?" He asked Drago.

"F-F-Falak…" Drago mumbled. "The Omnipotent…who…only fears God…"

"Exactly. Ssssstupid Allah." He spat out the last word like it was a curse on the world. "For eons I have lived in fear of him. I couldn't do ANYTHING I wanted!" He now wrapped around them, careful not to crush them, but just to scare them…and scare them he did. Jade gulped in fear. "Imagine my life, if you can. He could strike me down at any moment…I did not DARE indulge in any pleasures…did not DARE to fulfill my heart's desires…did not DARE to ever achieve any of my dreams!"

He shook his head back and forth, looking very emotional. He squeezed them tighter, and Jade began to feel the heat rise in her. It was so hot…his scaly body was increasing their temperature, BOILING them! Drago was sweating like a madman…PU, he was stinky!

"But then…then the Lord fell silent…then when I went out to finally feast upon the flesh of man, and then…I met Tiamat…here, in India, in Delphi. She'd traveled far away from her home to find a new place to sssstart, and when we saw each other…I felt my heart ignite and begin to burn as bright as a star. Oh, how I adore being with her…"

"My burning baby…my red-hot Romeo…my fiery-"

"WE GET IT!" Drago shouted.

"HEY!" Falak snarled, hissing evilly and leaning in close to his head. Flame oozed out from the folds of his fangs as he opened his mouth slowly in front of the junior sorcerer's handsome human face. "Do NOT insult my dear dragonessssss darling's honor…"

"Honor? What honor is there in stealing?" Jade asked. "Leave MY boyfriend alone!"

Falak blinked and swung his head towards her. "He is…your love?"

"Yes." She said simply, truthfully. "It's set in stone, made to be."

Falak blinked slowly, surely. "How…touching…" He remarked. Then he unwound himself from them and looked down upon them with a gentle gaze. "I know what it means to love. If Allah had not gone…I would never know. So…I shall spare your livesssss."

He slithered back to Tiamat, who held up a bottle of champagne. "Want some? It's very good, I scored some that was made during the year of the comet-oh, you can't drink it if you're tied up. Hold on." She held out a clawed hand and began speaking. "I break you free from the bonds of fate…"

The bonds turned to ash, dribbling onto the ground. Drago and Jade stood up and dusted themselves off. "Now then, would you like some champagne, kiddies?" Tiamat asked again.

"Wait…can we have the bell piece?" Jade asked. "We need it for world peace and stuff!"

"Sure." Tiamat said. "It's just one piece of gol-"

"No. Don't give them anything." Falak said sternly.

Drago looked surprised. "Uh, why not?" He asked.

"It's sssssimple. If we actually GIVE you it, you are going to use it to put the Bell of the Heavens together. We _both_ know what it does…we can't give the piece to you. So just leave with your lives and be grateful." Falak said.

"Now hold on, just what DOES the bell do?" Jade demanded to know. "What's wrong with wanting to put something broken back together?!"

"Do you not KNOW!?!" Falak roared at them, sending them flying back a few steps. The temperature of the immense cave they were in instantly flared up. "The Bell of the Heavens is the physical tie that allows the Metatron to exist and to sssspeak the Word of God! The Bell of the Heavens is the only thing that allows the Voice of God to be heard, it practically IS the Voice of God! Since it was moved it has prohibited God from speaking what He wishes to be done, but it is not simply that…God chooses to act through others, He never intervenes directly…not anymore. He swore not to! Therefore, since he cannot speak His Will to others, He can do NOTHING, NOTHING to sssstop me from fulfilling my dreams! Tiamat and I shall marry…and we will rule over this country!"

Jade gasped. So THAT was why the Bell was so special.

"Your attempts to help the world are all well and good, but I can NOT allow you to take this bell piece. Leave now before my mind issss changed." Falak growled furiously. "I will NOT…**NOT live in fear anymore!**"

"JADE!" Hsi Wu shouted.

There, at the front entrance, was Hsi Wu with Krishna, the Posse and Hao. Hao had a large sword in his hands. "Time for some good-old-fashioned vigilante justice." He said in a frighteningly chilling tone.

"Don't you hurt her!" Hsi shouted, rushing forward. They all ran to her and Drago. "We're getting you out of here."

"Awww, but I wanted to share some champagne."

"…I know you!" Hao remarked. "You're Tiamat! Dad told me about you, you really did a number on him!"

"I didn't hit him THAT hard…" Tiamat grumbled. "…did I?"

"Yep. Ya did." Drago admitted.

Krishna shook his head. "Falak, shame on you. Material possessions are only a temporary solution to long-term problems. What good will they do you when the End of Days-"

Falak spat at Krishna, a burst of flame rushing through the air. Krishna batted it down with one hand, looking surprised. The fiery serpent had a look of utter fury on his scaly face. "You have no idea what it was like…" He whispered angrily. "No idea what it feelssss like…living every single day like it's your last…always afraid, always alone…" He lowered his head and closed his eyes, shaking hard. "Surrounded on all sides by those that would destroy you in the name of a "loving god"…what good is it to live if you cannot truly LIVE…what good is living in fear?! What good is living at all if there is nothing or nobody to live for? I had to live just to survive for so…for so long…"

He looked up, eyes blazing with fury. "I. Will. Not. Go. Back. Never again." He roared. "NEVER AGAIN!"

**BGM: Barracuda, as sung by Fergie**

Suddenly someone began to rock out. They all turned and saw Tiamat on an electric guitar, jamming away. (Where had she gotten THAT?!?) "Go ahead baby!" She said. "I gotcha back! Hit a knock-out punch with this heartfelt song! It's my favorite!"

Falak grinned, and flame dripped down from his mouth as he did so. "Alriiiiight!"

_So this ain't the end, I saw you agaaaiiiin…_

_Today…I had to turn my heart away!  
Smile like the sun, kisses for reeaaaaalll…  
and tails, it never fails!_

Falak belched fire at them all while twisting his tail and lashing it at Drago, who leapt over it and transformed into his half-dragon form, launching his own fire at him. Krishna played on his flute, summoning a shield around our heroes.

_You're lying so low in the weeds…  
and I bet you're gonna ambush me!  
You had me down, down, down, down on my knees…  
now wouldn'tcha? Barracuda! Ohh!  
_

Jade ran across the wall and then kicked off of it, whizzing through the air and striking Falak on the side of his face. He growled and tried to bite her, but she flipped back. When he rushed forward, Drago managed to grab his tail.

_Back over time we were all trying…for free!  
you met the porpoise and me! Ahh  
no right, no wrong, selling a soooong!_

_A naaa-aaaaame…whisper game!_

He twirled him around and around and around and SLAMMED him into the ground while his posse whipped out guns and emptied them at Falak…but they burnt up in midair just before hitting him! Growling furiously, the serpent rose…

_And if the real thing don't do the trick  
you better make up something quick!  
you're gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn to the wick…  
Ohh, barracuda! Oh YEAH!_

He spread his wings out and flapped hard, breathing flame. It formed into a spinning cyclone of fire and torched the air around them, barely missing their flesh. Then he slammed his tail into them all, sending them flying back. Only Jade, Drago and Hsi were still able to keep standing.

_"Sell me, sell you", the porpoise said,  
dive down, deep down and save my head, you…  
I think you got the bluuues too!  
All that night and all the next,  
swam without looking back…  
made out for western pools, silly, silly fools!_

Hsi took to the air, grabbing a stalactite. He rushed towards Falak and began whacking him…or at least TRYING to. All he really did was swing and miss, Falak was too fast. But it WAS a good distraction, because Jade and Drago had snuck behind the serpent and had now grabbed his tail. He let out a "woop" as they pulled.

_And if the real thing don't do the trick  
you better make up something quick!  
you're gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn to the wick…  
Ohh, barracuda! Oh YEAH!_

They twirled him around and around and around and then finally let him go. He collided with the wall and slid down it, coughing madly.

(Music ends.)

Tiamat shrieked and ran over to him, dropping the guitar. As Drago advanced, her eyes blazed angrily and she thrust her hand forward.

"When above the sky had not yet formed, and when below the ground had not taken shape!" She shouted. The earth beneath him crumbled into a slushy substance and he began sinking in it. Jade ran over to him and began pulling hard on his arm to tug him out.

"RRR! Hold on, babe!" She shouted. "I'm not letting that pretty face you have get crushed!"

"Here…" Hsi said, grabbing Drago's other, flailing arm. "Lemme help too!"

The two yanked him free and they all landed on their butts on the ground. They looked at each other for a little while, then began laughing madly. They'd won. They'd survived.

"…just leave us alone." Tiamat said sadly. "Leave me be with my baby."

"We just want the bell piece." Hao insisted. "Hand it over."

"…I…can't…I don't want my baby to live in fear again…" She said.

"Then you shouldn't do things that you think will make any higher power punish you. And if you do, you should ask for forgiveness." Jade said. "It's basic stuff. EVERYONE screws up sometimes, EVERYONE indulges. You just shouldn't overdo it, and when you do, you just need to want to be forgiven."

Tiamat blinked. "I know that, but Falak…he's an old-fashioned believer…he's known only a vengeful God…"

"Then maybe it's time you showed him there can be other things to believe in." Jade said.

"Like love." Drago said, holding onto Jade's hand.

"And true friendship." Hsi added happily.

"And the bonds that we forge through strife." MC Fist agreed.

"And justice." Hao said finally. "Merciful justice."

Tiamat held Falak's head in her lap as he snoozed gently. "…I'll try…" She said, smiling gently. "I'll try. Here you go." She removed something from a little pouch she was wearing and tossed it to them…the bell piece. "You deserve it."

Jade caught it and smiled back. "Good luck."

"Make the magic last." A voice rang out from the front of the cave. They all turned and saw…

"Nick!?!"

"Hi guys!" Nick said. "New "teleportation technique" I was trying. You know, focus my body's ki to a certain point and then project myself there, that whole DBZ thing!"

"Well it worked pretty well!" Hsi complimented.

"…not really, I was trying to go to Cutt's the Butcher's. Still, I'm glad you're all okay. Let's all head home after we pick up some Indian food!"

"Oh, here, take this bottle of Champagne." Tiamat added, holding up the bottle from before.

As they all walked back to town, Drago laughed happily as he held Jade's hand in his own and the wind blew her black hair back gently.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too." She told him right back.

**BGM: Where We Gonna Go From Here, by Mat Kearney**

_All your ways and all your thunder…  
Got me in a haze running for cover…  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna…go…from…here?_

But then she realized…she…she really didn't. Not the way he did.

_Car lights in the driveway,  
I wonder who's going coming my way,  
Tomorrow we're turning down the highway,  
With another bright stage on a weekday!_

Jade Chan found herself being led back to town, then soon, back to the airport while in a daze of crystallization. She understood.

_Green grass and a radio…  
Watching it fly past and away we go!  
Seven hundred places…seven hundred faces more…_

She didn't really love him in the way couples should love each other. She didn't feel that special…that special thing that made love what it was…

_All your ways and all your thunder…  
Got me in a haze running for cover…  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna…go…from…here?_

It was a physical relationship really…at least for her. She had fallen for his body…not for him. Not really. He was hot and pretty sweet, but…but she didn't have strong feelings. Not like he did.

_The back of your eyes look like my mother's…  
When we talk you're like my brother,  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna go…from…here?_

It was as simple as could be. She had really fallen for him for his body and was convinced by the sight of the future that she was always meant to be his sweetheart…but right there, right now, she realized as he pulled her close and laid his head on her shoulder in the plane seat…

She didn't love him…

_Time is moving on our side,  
How could I miss you…to another guy,  
Pull of the ocean and the roaring tide,  
Is bigger than my eyes…or my design…_

"You alright?" Nick asked from across her. "You look…kind of hurt inside." He said softly.

_Father got a best plan,  
Saving his daughter for the best man,  
Seven hundred places…seven hundred faces more…_

"…I'll be okay." She told him. God, he was such a good friend.

_All your ways and all your thunder…  
Got me in a haze running for cover…  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna…go…from…here?_

"We'll be home soon enough." Hsi told her. "You should get some sleep. Your boyfriend's got the right idea."

_The back of your eyes look like my mother's…  
When we talk you're like my brother,  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna go…from…here?_

But he wasn't her boyfriend…only in the future was it supposed to happen. And was it even MEANT to be?

_I've waited and I'll wait some more,  
Won't see me knocking…on another door,  
But all this is crazy and amazing,  
There's only one half of us…that I'm saving…_

"…yeah. Good idea." Was her tired reply. And she found herself drifting into unconsciousness.

_So I'm praying just to let it go,  
Watch from a distance just to see you glow,  
Seven hundred places…seven hundred faces more!_

_All your ways and all your thunder…  
Got me in a haze running for cover…  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna…go…from…here?_

Nick watched her quietly. He had seen, for the briefest of moments, an epiphany. He looked down at the watch on his wrist, and the song it was softly playing, confirming what he thought.

_The back of your eyes look like my mother's…  
When we talk you're like my brother,  
Where we gonna go from here?  
Where we gonna go…from…here?_

"…Oh, Jade." He said sadly, softly.

_She doesn't know what she's going to do…who she belongs with…and what's going to happen. _

_She doesn't have strong feelings for Drago and maybe she never __truly__ will…_

_I wish I could tell her to cheer up. But…something inside tells me she needs to find the answers herself. _

_I just hope I can be there when she does…_

_All I really do know is that she WILL find them…_

_I __know__ you will…_


	46. And Loss

**CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE**

…AND LOSS

Nick flipped through the newspaper, looking at the comics page.

_Hmm...eh-ha-ha-haa! __Oh, FoxTrot, how I love you!_

It was early in the morning at "Uncle's Rare Finds" and pretty much everyone else except for him and Uncle was asleep. Captain Black was supposed to come visit today to select the next people to bring the bell piece back home. It was supposed to be a normal school day for Nick and Jade though, and-

What the?

"No…way…" Nick gasped.

Uncle walked back into the kitchen, sipping his tea. "Why is boy's mouth so open Uncle could fit pufferfish into it?"

"My-my old girlfriend from elementary school…Molly Porter, she's…she's here in San Francisco, it says…the newspaper says "New Addition to School: Overcoming the Impossible". It…it says her family fell apart, her father molested her, her brother died in an accident and she was even kidnapped once…and now she's coming to the school as a transfer student…she…she starts today!"

Uncle raised an eyebrow. "You dated girl who has-"

"No-no-no! That stuff never happened in MY world! Just…just like…"

Like David never died…

Nick found himself sniffling. He wiped his nose with a napkin after putting the newspaper down and looked at the picture of Molly. The picture of her was in clear color, she was wearing slightly Gothic-anarchist style clothing. She had dark brown hair that ended in dark red, a dye job obviously. She had dark lipstick and some dark eyeliner, but beneath all that was…was those eyes and those cute little cheeks and that…that faint hint of a smile.

_Oh Molly…how I missed you…_

The bus came about an hour later. Nick was anxious, eager, he HAD to see Molly. He had so much to ask her, so much he wanted to tell her…he might never get the chance back in HIS world, but in this one…

Drew and Hsi were sitting behind them on the bus, with Drago and Jade sitting with each other. Jade didn't want to make out with Drago, saying "she didn't feel like it so early". Nick sat in the only single-person seat in the back, looking out the window, his mind going back to second grade, to Squadron Line.

_There…on the playground…_

_I really, really like her…_

_She really, really, likes me…_

_Oh wow, I…I feel so great, I…_

_I…_

_The tree, underneath that tree on those wood chips in the playground, my…my first kiss…OUR first kiss…_

Nick sighed as he looked out the window, thinking out loud.

"It all seemed so long ago…young and happy, don't you know? Down by the creek I would show…fireflies to my girl…"

Nick sighed.

"But that was back when…she was nice… before her warm heart…turned to ice…but that...was long...ago…"

He laughed a little.

"The schoolyard, that's where we were…the first time I kissed her…"

"Hey buddy…was it tongue?" Drew asked.

"NO. And thankfully no retainer…" Nick said. Other people were beginning to listen.

"I remember her childhood home…and on the playground we would roam…"

"And did you talk upon the phone?" Nene asked.

"Yeah!…oh so long ago…I carved our initials on a tree…I loved her and she…loved…meeeee…but…"

"But?" Jade asked.

"That was…long ago. Back when she whispered in my ear…when I felt there was nothing to fear…"

"Any old feeling left at all?" Hsi Wu asked.

"Oh in true love I sure did fall…and now I wonder…is there hope left…for ussss?" Nick sang out softly. He took in a deep breath. "Though I have a love right now, I still think of Molly and of how...I wish I could say-"

"THAT IS IT. _**EVERYONE OFF THE BUS!**_" The bus driver hollered at him. Oops! They all hadn't been paying attention, they were at the school at last! Nick apologized and got off the bus, feeling hot. He entered the school and headed for homeroom.

Now then…what had the newspaper said? He'd brought it with him. Opening up his good old backpack he took it out. Let's see…she was a transfer student at the school, started her classes today…anything on homeroom? Nope. Anything on where she was living? Nope. Oh-wait…she had an "interest in art". Art class, he had that next period, right after homeroom!

"Hey Nick." Lily said, raising her eyebrows. She was sitting to his left. "How come you're shaking more than my daddy's bed during Valentine's Day?"

"Oh, er…well…"

Then it happened. A stroke of incredible luck.

"Students, I want you to meet your new classmate, Molly Porter."

"…hi." Molly said softly.

Those eyes…that hair…it WAS Molly. Nick's heart skipped a beat or two. He found himself tearing up a little, so he blinked quickly. Molly took the seat right of him and opened up her notebook, taking out a picture she was working on. It was of a cartoon of a couple.

The boy hugged the girl. "I love you."

The girl hugged him back. "I love you too!"

A little heart symbol floated in the air above them. Then the girl stepped back and plunged her hand into the boy's chest.

"You tore out my heart." The boy said.

"Can we still be friends?" The girl asked.

Hmm. Maybe talking to her would be harder than he thought.

Lily began snickering for some reason…

ELSEWHERE…

"Bai? Bai?" Xiao called out as he walked through the hospital. Finally he heard Head Nurse Sky Dog's voice and he followed it to his office. "Head Nurse, have you-what the!?!"

Bai and Sky Dog were looking dreamily at each other, with a photo of the two of them on a yacht together just to Bai's right. "What the heck is going on!?" Xiao wanted to know.

"I've finally found true love once again!" Bai said happily. "Head Nurse Sky Dog had called me in because he's retiring early, and he recommended me to be his replacement. So we got to talking about this when he called me in a couple days ago, then we started talking about our hobbies…"

"And as it turns out, both Bai and I really HATE beets, and we LOVE going on the sea, so I decided to take her on a trip on my yacht, and we really hit it off!"

"We're going out to dinner tomorrow!" Bai said, getting up and hugging Xiao. "Isn't that GREAT?!"

"I'm happy for you." Xiao said honestly. "Oh, here Bai. The results of the pap smear."

Xiao handed Bai a stack of papers in a large envelope. She looked through it and breathed a sigh of relief as he left. "Phew! All clear!"

Meanwhile, Xiao sighed as he headed back to his patients. Yeah, he was happy for Bai, but…

It would have been nice to…to have a love of his own now.

ELSEWHERE…

Drew looked around the parking lot. He took a breath and began pacing, trying not to work up into a frenzy as he did so. What had King told him and Drago's posse, who were doing THEIR part? "Just stay calm", right. And stick to the plan, stick to the plan, stick to the-

"Now you shall join your friends." He heard a voice said simply. He turned around and saw a dark-cloaked angel floating towards him, scythe held high. He ran, Azrael simply chased after him. "You cannot run from me. You cannot run from death, I AM death, I am your death. Just hold still, let this be quick. This is your fate."

However, just as Drew ran past a blue Honda in the parking lot and Azrael approached it and the SUV parked next to it, he stopped in midair, looking down. A sealing symbol was glowing bright red from beneath him, he was TRAPPED.

"What?" He remarked.

"That sign is designed to seal angels." King said, appearing from behind the SUV with Drago's posse. "We've been waiting for you, angel of death. We're prepared for you, and we're going to end you so that you can never end another life again." He held up a small cauldron and it hovered in the air at his command as Drew walked over to them.

Strikemaster Ice held up an egg. "Yo, check it and weep, we got the ingredients for a potion to take away ALL yo mad skillz, and they all be symbols for life! New life…" He put the egg inside.

"The life well lived…" DJ Cobra said, putting a cane into the cauldron.

"The sign of life trumping death." MC Fist finally said, putting in a sparkling, fiery feather that shimmered in the light…a downy feather from a firebird…a phoenix!

"Drew, summon the spider! He knows the spell to do it!" King shouted.

"Right!" Drew took out his spider token and held the golden item up. "ANANSI! Hear my call! Help a brother out, man!"

"_Help a brother out_?" King asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lighting split the sky. All became dark above them. And then a large spiderweb shot down from above, and Anansi quickly crawled down into the parking lot.

"What would you ask of me?" He asked.

"Can you call up the powers of life to remove Azrael's powers?" Drew asked.

Anansi looked over at Azrael and began chuckling. "Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. Yes...I can. You have the ingredients?" He asked.

King nodded. "In the cauldron…"

"Very well. I shall begin the spell." He walked over to the cauldron and raised his claws to the brim, closing each eye slowly and then chanting in a deep, low voice. The cauldron began to glow and shake with blinding light. Suddenly the sealing symbol vanished.

"Aw, f—k!" Drew shouted.

"As a side effect, in order for me to cast the spell I have to call upon and drain all magic around me. Keep Azrael at bay while I get to work!" Anansi informed them as Azrael advanced.

"We can do that!" Strikemaster Ice said. "King, hit us!"

"Right!" King said, thrusting his hands at them. "EMPOWER!"

A blue shine spread from his hands to them, and the clenched their fists and lunged at Azrael, forcing him back, now sharing chi energy with King, who fell to the ground, panting.

"Need…to rest…" He said. "Drew…you have shamanic talent…use it…help them…"

Drew nodded and took up a fighting pose, closing his eyes. Summon the power within, summon the power within…

Finally he rushed at Azrael, who had knocked the posse down. The archangel raised his scythe…

"Die now." He said simply.

Suddenly something struck him in the back. Something sharp. He grunted and turned around, and saw Drew. His hands had large claws floating over them, like an…an oversoul, almost. His eyes glistened and glittered like black diamonds, and his muscles bulged.

"Come and get some." He said. "This is for all my niggas."

He rushed at Azrael and swiped at his chest. The archangel danced back as Drew continued to slash and slice. He suddenly jumped into the air, then zoomed at the angel of death, who barely blocked the blow in time with his scythe. The posse cheered him on, he was doing it, really doing it! They could win!

"Almost done!" Anansi called out.

Azrael would NOT have this. He swung his scythe, and it glowed with purple/black energy, sending Drew flying back. He rushed at Anansi, raising his scythe again, but this time the posse grabbed him and shoved him onto the ground. They then jumped on him and began punching him over and over while Drew helped himself up…

SCLHCKA!

He turned around and saw the posse fall to the ground, bleeding…dead. Azrael spun his scythe and pointed at Drew, advancing…

Too late though.

Anansi took the cauldron and swung it, and its contents flowed forth, blue and brown, striking Azrael and burying him in a flood of energy. He coughed and spluttered and was swept out of the parking lot, far, far away…

"It is done." The trickster spirit said. "I take my leave. I…am sorry you lost your allies."

King was closing the posse's eyes, gently crying onto their bodies, silent in his work. Drew rubbed his nose, taking deep breaths. "I'm…just glad I avenged my friends. Now he can't hurt nobody like he hurt me…"

Azrael soon found himself in an alley, cloak soaked, spluttering and coughing as he stood up, shakingly clutching his scythe.

"…annoying. But I shall return to Heaven and call the others-"

"No, you won't." A voice said from behind him.

Azrael turned to see the demonic embodiment of the elements grinning cruelly at him. "I don't think you deserve it. You lost to that kid and his friends, the very kid you wanted to annihilate. Now you're going to be on the receiving end of annihilation, archangel Azrael."

Azrael let a small smile appear on his features. "You think you can beat me? I may not be able to come back to life time and time again anymore, and my powers may be gone, but I am a trained warrior and my scythe hungers for more blood."

"Really? Well, I'd hate to disappoint your scythe. But it won't be splattered in MY blood." Snizzi said softly, dangerously. "Watch…watch and learn."

Azrael DID watch…in horror…and his eyes became wide, his mouth opening into a silent scream.

"I think we both know who is the true angel of death now." The towering form told the archangel as he raised his arms.

SCHLUCKA-SCHLUCKA!

Azrael's dead, limp body fell to the blood-splattered ground as his scythe clattered next to him, blood specks trickling down. The towering form changed and then…

Fifteen minutes later Snizzi left the alley, picking his teeth with his a toothpick in his gloved hand as he walked towards the parking lot where King and the others had been, though they had finally left.

"I'm not hungry anymore." He remarked.

ELSEWHERE…

"Well, that was easy." Valmont remarked as they got off the airplane in Russia. "One of my contacts already has the bell piece and he's meeting us right here in the café." He told Captain Black, Tso and Tchang. The café was a very nice place, it smelled of delicious Russian foods, with fine carpeting and lots and lots of tables to sit at.

"Now all we have to do is wait. Who wants a drink?" Valmont asked.

"Mocha espresso." Black said.

"Some lemon tea, I think." Tso thought out loud.

"Vodka. Lots of it." Tchang wanted.

"…waiter! Waiter!" Valmont called out.

A man walked over to him, all dressed up and looking quite stylish for a waiter. "Yes?" He asked in a thick Russian accent.

"Can we have a drink?"

"Sorry."

"Why?"

"Because in Russia, you serve WAITER!"

"WHAT?!?"

"Ha-ha-ha! Just a joke, just a joke. Now then, what would you like?"

"A mocha espresso, some lemon tea, a bottle of vodka and for me, eh…I'd like a scotch, single malt, speyside…and not on the rocks."

"Pretty classy drink, Valmont." Captain Black admitted.

"Ah, you are quite the man of taste. I'll be right back." The waiter walked off. As soon as he did, Valmont's cell phone rang. "Oh, hello dear! Yes, we're waiting for our contact to arrive in this café…no, no, I'm not wasting money, we only ordered drinks. What? Oh of course, go off and have fun with your friends, go ahead. I'll be-what? No, NO, I did the dishes last night!"

"Oh my." Tso remarked.

"Oh YEAH? Well YOU'RE the one who's wasting MY money to buy YOUR bloody crap-I am NOT a bad father! Th-that was NOT my fault!"

Captain Black groaned. He didn't like where this conversation was going.

Meanwhile, Nick had finally managed to see Molly in art class. The two were supposed to be working on a sculpture, a "Grecian Classical" sculpture.

"I'm warning you…" Lily told Nick before he walked over to join her. "She's emo."

"She's what?"

"Emo."

"Emotional?"

"No, EMO. Don't you know anything about them?"

"Er…no…what's an emo?"

"Fringy hair, tight t-shirts, studded belts, you know the type!"

"Not really." Nick said, walking off to talk with his former girlfriend-turned-art-partner. "Hey Molly." Nick said in a friendly manner as she looked at him. She blinked. "Nick?...is…that you?"

"Yes, Molly. It's me."

Molly allowed the flicker of a smile to pass on her face. "Hi Nick." She said. Her voice had gotten more tomboyish, more authoritative, but she was still Molly. "I didn't know you moved out of Connecticut-hey wait…I saw you on TV, you were that superhero…what's going on?"

"I'm not the Nick you know, well, sort of…I'm Nick Grey from another world. We still went to school, still played together as close friends, still…still kissed underneath the tree in second grade-"

"On the playground." Molly said slowly. "Yeah, I…I remember that. We-we'd better get to work." She said hastily, turning to the clay. "You can think up a design, right? I'm good with my hands, I'll do the carving, you can do the details…"

The sculpture took a while, but they managed to complete it in time. It was quite a nice little imitation of "The Thinker" and Molly looked pleased. "Not bad." She said. "I gotta get going, it-it was nice seeing you." She said quickly.

Nick however, had a lot he had to say. "Wait-" he began, reaching out. He tugged on her jacket's arm and a part of it ripped off revealing…

Scars…she'd been…she'd been carving her arm up!

"Molly, you…" Nick whispered.

Molly began crying and raced out of the room. Nick ran after her. "Molly! MOLLY!" He shouted.

DOWN IN HELL…

"This…is aggravating." Xan snarled to himself as he paced around in the lounge. Belial was there with Lucifer, and the two were sharing drinks.

"To friendship! To generosity! To lazy Sundays!" Belial laughed.

"Amen to THAT." Lucifer laughed.

"Would you two stop sipping that f—kin bottle of whatever it is you're drinking and think up something intelligent!?! I need to come up with a new plan. I need to…wait…something new, something…something new in an old way…one of the oldest tricks in the book…that's IT! I've GOT it!" He cackled and rubbed his hands. "Ooh, it's too perfect! Belial, go find your best buddy the Lord Demon of Sloth and bring him…" Xan snapped his fingers and a map with some coordinates appeared. He handed them to Belial. "HERE."

Belial took the map in his claws and looked it over, his draconic face studying it. His eyes widened. "Oh…very...very well." He said. "I...I shall fetch him."

Lucifer watched Belial walk off and rolled his eyes. "You seriously believe he shall succeed in defeating them? All the others failed…save for I and he, that is. And the Grand Master is constantly keeping Lillith with him."

"Every single Lord Demon has different talents. The plans before were too base…I needed to think up a better plan that will suit the needs of those participating in it. I didn't work to their talents as much as I am now. Besides, The Lord Demon of Sloth's a very…powerful character."

"Only when he's awake and angry." Lucifer said. _And even then, not as powerful as I_, he thought.

"Yes, but who better to make him awake and angry than the Chan clan and their friends?" Xan asked, grinning cruelly.

"…you are a sadistic, matricidal freak." Lucifer remarked.

"Thanks. I learned from the best."

ELSEWHERE…

Molly put the little razor to her arm in the teacher's bathroom. She'd run to it and had locked the door. "That's it…that's it…" she heard. "Do it nice and deep…"

The door to the bathroom suddenly began taking a beating from outside. "MOLLY! Molly, please, I have to talk to you!" Nick shouted from outside.

"Go away…" he heard a familiar voice call from within. "She wants rest now…"

"Molly, don't you DARE die! Not before I tell you!" He shouted. He thrust his hands at the door and focused. "_HADOKEN!_"

BA-BAM! The door came flying down. He rushed in and saw Lily with Molly…and Molly's blood was trickling down her arm, her eyes gray and hazy, almost unseeing. "LILY? What the…wait…you're not…you're not human." He said. "You're Lillith, aren't you?!"

Lily laughed cruelly. "Got it in one!" She laughed. "Molly's under MY direct influence, as per the order of the Grand Lord himself. Poor, poor girl…she deserves to rest, don't you think?" She kneeled down to Molly's level, now in full demon form, and gently stroked Molly's breasts. "Exquisite, isn't she? Such a lovely girl…no wonder you cared for her…"

"I CARED for her because I LOVED her!" Nick shouted.

Molly's eyes flickered from their hazy, grey color. "L-loved…me?"

"Yes." Nick said.

"Don't believe him." Lillith whispered harshly. "He doesn't, he can't…"

ELSEWHERE…

"Drago…can we talk?" Jade asked him as she led him to Hsi's room. The Sky Demon was surprised to see the two, but let them in.

"I…feel I gotta tell you this." She admitted. "The truth is that, I…I kind of actually…"

"Well FINE! Go ahead! I DON'T GIVE A BLOODY DAMN!" Julian snarled, slamming the cell phone onto the table and breaking it.

Tchang normally didn't care about anyone except his closest friends, and you could truly count them on one hand, yet he found himself asking "…you alright?"

Valmont took in few deep breaths. Finally he spoke. "No." He shook his head and buried his face in his hands. "I'm not, I…I'm single now…"

"Molly, I have to tell you. I…I still-"

"NOO-"

"I still feel love for you!" Nick blurted out.

"NOOOOO!!!" Lillith howled, grabbing at her head. She hollered and vanished in a burst of black light. Molly fell of the toilet and Nick caught her, lifting her up and bringing her out to the nurse's office.

When Molly awoke, she found Nick holding her hand as she lay back in one of the nurse's office beds. "I'm glad you're alright." He said. "I missed you so much, Molly."

"Nick…thank you." She said.

They began speaking a lot. Nick told her everything that had happened to him, she told him all about her own life. They talked about current events, their families, all of it.

"I'm really glad I got to-"

"Nick, I…don't like you that way." Molly admitted. "Not anymore."

Nick blinked a few times. "What?" He asked softly.

"I'm…I'm so glad that you helped me now, I'm glad you stayed by me, glad you were there back then and that you don't hate me for being so mean to you when I broke up with you in front of everyone, but…I don't love you…"

Nick looked down at his hands. He didn't say anything as she got up.

He guessed he'd learned something.

Love is different, changing all the time. And relationships can change in the blink of an eye.

**BGM: Tell Her This, by Delemetri**

_Tell heerrr not to goo…I aiiin't holdin' on no mooore…_

_Tell her something in my mind…freezes up from time to time…_

(Captain Black pats Valmont on the back as he walked him out of the cafeteria, Tso and Tchang just behind them.) Sometimes they just end after many years…

_Tell heeerrr not to cry…I just got scaaared that's all…_

_Tell her I'll be by her side, all she has to do is call!_

_All she has to do is call!_

(Jade begins speaking with Drago, but we can't hear what she's saying or his shocked/hurt exclamations, Hsi comes over and the three all hug.) Sometimes friends become lovers, and lovers become friends…

_Tell heeerrr the chips are dooown! IIII drank too much and shouted it aloud!  
Tell her something in my heart…needs her more than even clowns…_

_Need the laughter of the crowd!_

(Molly slowly puts the jacket back on.) And sometimes…

_Tell heeerrr what was wrong! I sometimes think too much but say nothing at all!_

_Tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall!_

_I am ready now to fall!_

"MOLLY!" Nick yelled out just before she left. She turned around and saw him teary-eyed.

_Tell heerrr not to goo…_  
"Could I have a hug, for…old time's sake?" Nick asked.

_I aiiin't holdin' on no mooore…_

Molly smiled sadly. "…okay." She said, walking over.

_Tell her nothing if not this…all I want to do is kiss…her…_

The two embraced, and Nick cried gently into her shoulder. "You…you take good care of yourself, okay?!" Nick said shakily. "You'd better take REALLY good care!"

I guess…sometimes…you just have to say goodbye…

Molly smiled and hugged him back, then walked out of the room, leaving Nick alone.

_Tell her something in my mind…freezes up from time to time…_

Nick bit his lip and felt a tear go down his cheek.

"Goodbye Molly…I'll miss you…" He said softly.

(Music ends.)

**Author's Note:**

**I spend the following weekend up in Vermont, skiing at Okemo! Woohoo! And I've almost got enough money for a Wii, and soon I shall have enough for SUPER SMASH BROS BRAWL! W00T!  
**

**I...I wrote this chapter because some loose ends needed to be tied up, or to begin being tied up. And because the bottom line is that relationships end in different ways, and all of those endings can sting. So here's to all of us and all who will and have experienced those stings. All I can say to you is where there is life, there is hope.**


	47. Tokyo

**CHAPTER FORTY-SIX**

TOKYO

Tohru and Jackie were waiting calmly at the airport with Tchang and King. Nick was waiting right behind King and was bored outta his skull. They were waiting for the airport for the next airplane to arrive and unfortunately it was taking a long, long time…

They were all lined up in line for "Station A-24". They were right in the middle of the line, behind somebody who looked like he could play "Jared" in a "before" picture. The guy behind them kept coughing and spluttering and looked very, very sick. In fact, King suspected he had TB because there were splotches of blood on a Kleenex that was stuffed into his packet.

"How long have we been waiting for the plane?" Tohru asked

"About three hours…" King groaned.

"Three hours, fifty two minutes and 43 seconds." Jackie said.

"Bored, bored, baaaaaoooooooohhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrrrddddd…" Nick began moaning. He reached into his pocket and took out the letter he'd gotten yesterday again. He'd read it eighteen times, and would probably end up reading it another six.

"Dear Nick…

I know you may seem surprised to hear from me, after all, how am I able to hold a pen up to paper in my big clawed hands? Or perhaps they are paws…in any case, I am writing to you because recently I met a friend of yours who has tried to starve himself to death in penance for his "sins which he will never be free of". You know him as Shin Dell, I believe. Poor soul. I managed to convince him to keep living but he still doesn't eat much, save for the occasional wild deer or boar or the odd sheep or cow from a nearby farm. We continue to hide out from the forces of Heaven, most notably Raphael. I was surprised when I heard he was going after me, normally he's quite liberal. Still, it makes no difference, he will not catch me. Doesn't he know what happens when you chase after a dragon?

If you see him, please tell him to desist. Also, I remembered something…did Finn give you the bell piece? I hope so. Also, I believe I have met you before I saw you in Ireland…somewhere far, far away, in another time and place…perhaps when I was younger…

Best wishes…

Draco."

Nick **was** a bit worried that Raphael might hurt himself, but Raphael was a doctor archangel, so he could deal with it. Suddenly the PDA burst to life. "ATTENTION! FLIGHT 19 is now boarding at-"

"Oh God, please, no!" Tchang groaned.

"Just kidding!" The PDA shouted.

"I…hate…the airport." Torhu complained.

"I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you! I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you! And then the Witch Doctor, he told me what to do! He told me "Ooh-ee, ooh-ahh-ahh, ching-chang-walla-walla-bing-bang! Ooh ee, ooh-ahh-ahh, ching-chang-walla-walla-bing-bang! Ooh ee, ooh-ahh-ahh, ching-chang-walla-walla-bing-bang! Ooh ee, ooh-ahh-ahh, ching-chang-walla-walla-bing-bang!" Nick sang, very bored.

Finally something happened that was very lucky. Somebody began shouting at somebody else. When our gang turned to get a good look at who was yelling, they saw that a certain pissed-off hermaphroditic archangel was chasing after a certain embodiment of the elements who was running right at the people in front of our gang.

"GET BACK HERE YOU SONOFA-!!!"

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Snizzi cackled madly. "ELECTRIC DASH!"

Nick knew what was coming. "Duck to the side!" Nick shouted out loud. They did…the ones in front of them didn't. Those unfortunates suddenly saw Snizzi re-form himself to their left and take off…and then fell to the ground, twitching and electrified. Naturally, Sariel stopped chasing Sariel and began tending to them, and this meant…

"Okay, let us go ahead!" Tchang commanded, walking forward. He approached the desk and gave the secretary their number. Not wanting to argue with him or with a stroke of incredible luck, they all were soon on the flight to Tokyo. Nick however, felt something inside him die a little...

"I wonder what Hsi, Drago and Jade are up to?" Tohru wondered out loud.

AS IT WERE:

Shendu and Sandi were setting up their room back at the recently-rebuilt Valmont mansion while Hsi and Jade worked together to rebuild the pool. Drago was drinking away from the bottle while looking sadly at the happy couples away from him. Bai Tsa walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulders.

"Nephew…I know it hurts, but…you have to respect her choice."

"…I know…I just…thought it would be nice to…to get a headstart."

"Hardly anyone gets a headstart on love. Now come on, let's help them finish up the pool."

Drago brushed his handsome hair back and sighed. "…all right." He finally said.

"That's more like it!" Bai Tsa cheerily. "Now let's hurry this up and my Native American hunk will make us his famous brownies!"

BACK ON THE PLANE:

"Nick, do you KNOW that blue creature that we just saw?" King asked.

"Why do you ask that?" Nick asked King. The two were sitting together, Nick had the window seat.

"Well, he pulled off one of your old moves." King reasoned.

"Yes, I know him…sorta. I fought him. Apparently true power has to go SOMEWHERE, and it ended up in him, the Demonic Embodiment of the Elements. His name's Snizzi." Nick explained. "He…he's dangerous, I know that." Nick admitted.

"Hmm…this is not well…" King thought out loud. "I could see into him…he…he has a soul, formed from the power of the elements and his free will…there is a large death on his hands…he has killed Death itself." King whispered to Nick.

"Wh-WHAT?!?" Nick gasped. "You mean, he…he killed Azrael?"

King nodded.

Nick promptly leapt up from his seat and began to dance and sing.

"S-U-C! E-S-S! THAT'S the way you spell success, yes that's the way you spell success!"

"NICK, this is serious!" King told him sternly.

"He's got BURNED, baby, BURNED!"

"You should not be so happy about the end of the archangel of death!" King admonished him.

"Dansa med oss! Klappa era händer, gör som vi gör, ta några steg åt vänster! Lyssna och lärm, missa inte chansen,  
nu är vi här med, caramelldansen! O-o-oa-oa...o-o-oa-a-oh-oh! O-o-oa-oa...o-o-oa-a-oh-oh!" Nick laughed, bouncing down the aisles to the bathroom doing dance moves to the song.

Meanwhile, Torhu was sitting next to Tchang. Needless to say, Tchang had a few things to ask the big guy.

"Why do you smell of General Tso's chicken?"

"Er, I-"

"Why are you so fat?"

"I'll have you know-!"

"Is there anything going on between you and my sister?! Where is she, how come I haven't seen her?"

"She said she would meet us in Tokyo, I don't know how she's going to get there though…" Tohru managed to say quickly.

AS IT WERE…

"Let's see…" Po Kong remarked as she stirred the cauldron. "How did the spell go?"

A quarter cup of frog legs, a pinch or two of flour, add a little salt inside and wait 'till you're on the hour.

DING! DING! Alright! Next part!

_Add in some salamander testicles, a tail or two of newt, add in the tail of a puppy, make sure that it was cute…_

"**Ritch**!" A voice snarled from outside "Uncle's Rare Finds".

_Don't forget the piece of land, from where you shall return…then toss inside the cauldron a cracked-up Grecian urn…_

Woop! She almost dropped it on the floor!

_Add an owl feather, then mix in mercury…add a PINCH of beer, your destination you should see…_

"Ahh, there we go! I can see Tokyo in the cauldron! What's the last part now…?"

_Finally add some baboon's blood…now the liquid's cold and good! Drink it up and drink it well, and hope you don't end up in hell!_

"Here goes!" Po Kong said, leaning into the cauldron and slurping it up like a pig. "Mmm, tastes like minestrone-"

WAAAWOOOOOSH! In an instant, she was in the middle of Tokyo, landing on a bench. She looked around at the busy people, the rushing cars…

She stood up and held her hands up to the sky, clenching them. **"YATTAAAAAA!!!"**

AS IT WERE:

"Well, here we are!" Tohru told them all. "My mother said she's meeting us here."

"Your MOM!?!" Nick asked. "Wait…you mean…King, your contact is…"

"Yes. Tohru's mother has the bell piece."

Nick groaned so loudly it actually almost made the windows reverb. "Okay, at least Uncle isn't-"

"Tohruuuuu!" A slightly screeching voice yelled out, and they saw a Japanese woman with her black hair tried back in a bun running over to Tohru. It was amazing how such a short, austere-looking woman could possibly have given birth to a HUGE kid like Tohru, but then again, who knows what the dad was like?

"Ooh, I am so glad to see you again, honey! I've been so worried, what with Godzilla rising out from the ocean every once in a while and spirits chasing your poor mother around the Shinto shrines…" Tohru's mom went on and on.

"What? There's trouble in little Tokyo?" Tchang asked.

"Who are your friends?" Tohru's mother asked. "I recognize that one with the black hair, you need to eat more like my Tohru, you're so skinny, Mr. Chan!"

"Er…I will take your advice…" Jackie said politely, sweatdropping.

"Oh, uh…" Tohru blushed. "This is Tchang, that is King and this is Nick."

"Konichiwa." Nick said.

"Ah, you know some Japanese? Good, good! Come, come, let mother take you to your favorite ice cream bar!" Tohru's mother said, tugging on Tohru's shirt, much to his dismay/embarrassment. Tchang began to laugh, the booming effect rippling through the entrance hall of the airport while the others followed behind.

Nick managed to walk ahead of Tohru and his mother, he was quite a fast walker…and he ended up falling flat on his face because somebody was sleeping right in front of the door, and he'd tripped over their legs! He groaned and picked himself up. "Owww! _I dink I god a bloody dose_!" He complained. He took his hand away from his nose. "Yep. Tissue! Tissue, quick!" He reached into his pocket and stuffed his nose with some Kleenex, then turned around to see what everyone was staring at now…

It was a brownish being with stubby horns, curled up and sleeping. He had a thick tail and large boots, and was wearing a loincloth of black. He had a bestial face and thick nostrils, and was muscular. He was also fast asleep and looked kinda nice, despite the fact that he was obviously a Lord Demon…since he had a tattoo on his chest. Also, he had, I kid you not, on his arm, a little wristband that read "My name is Belphegor, if I am missing, call my friend Belial."

"Oh boy." Nick groaned. "A demon…"

"Belphegor, Lord Demon of Sloth." King told them all. "He is lazy, almost always tired or sleeping, and if we awaken him, we are in a world of danger and pain. We must move him out of here, I know not how long he's been here, but it is so noisy here in Tokyo he'll wake-"

"Yawwwwn…"

"Up…"

"Grumble-grumble…"

"Any…"

"Wh-what time…is it?"

"Moment." King gaped.

Belphegor stood up. He wasn't in full form, they had a feeling of that just from looking at him, but he was quite tall all the same. He was as big as Tohru, and looked at them all, blinking slowly.

"…yawn. Can I…go back…to bed?" He asked sleepily.

"…sure!" Nick said. "Want me to sing you a bedtime lullaby?"

"Ooh, yes…" Belphegor said, smiling a little.

Nick began singing. "Lips…ripe as the berries in June…red the rose, red the rose…skin…pale as the light of the moon…gently as she goes! Eyes…blue as the sea and sky…water flows, water flows…hot…burning like fire in the night…gently as she goes! La…la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la…la-la-la……la-la-la-la-la-la-la, gently as she goes! Lips…ripe as the berries in June…red the rose, red the rose…skin…pale as the light of the moon…gently as she goes! Eyes…blue as the sea and sky…water flows, water flows…hot…burning like fire in the night…gently as she goes!"

Belphegor soon fell back to sleep. King turned to the others. "Quick, help me carry him, let's go to your house right away…" He told Tohru's mother, who nodded. Suddenly something odd happened.

"Hey, hey, you tourists?" A professional-looking man asked. Nick blinked. The others blocked the man's view of the sleeping demon.

"Er…yes…" He said.

"Here, video showing greatest tour spots! Only 10 dollar!"

"Uh, I'm kind of busy and-"

"Only ten dollar…"

"Alright, **_alright_**!" Nick groaned. "Here, 15 bucks and you get outta here right now, _hai_?"

The man gave Nick the video, and then walked off, singing something that sounded like "There's a sucker born every minute". Nick groaned. "What the fudge am I supposed to do with a video?"

"Just toss it at some point." King suggested. "Now, as for our "sleeping beauty"…"

"Let me help!" Po Kong said, suddenly pulling up in a HUGE rickshaw. "Load him in! Here, you can go." She told the driver of the rickshaw, paying him a wad of cash. He ran off, hollering and wooping. Tohru took up the driver's place and turned to everyone as they sat in the rickshaw with Belphegor in the back. "Hold onto him and make sure he does not wake up!" Tohru told them. He then took off down the street, and they held onto the Lord Demon, all humming "Go To Sleep Little Baby" to keep him quiet and peaceful.

SOON…

Eventually they arrived at Tohru's old house. It was a little small condo-like building, yet was filled up to the brim with various nice little objects of sentimental value. There were also lots and lots of childhood Tohru with his family on the walls. Interestingly enough, there were no pictures of Tohru's FATHER. How odd.

Belphegor was deposited on the couch and was snoozing lightly. King was keeping an eye on him while the others talked.

"We should kill him right now!" Tchang insisted. "I am a master of thunder, I shall smite him-"

Since he was in human form, and in his childish form too boot, it was easy for Tohru's mother to grab him by the ear and tug him away. "Oh, "master of thunder" huh?!? No killing guests! That's one of my rules! You are a naughty person and I am going to wash your mouth out with soap!"

"Ow-ow-ow!" Tchang protested as Tohru's mom dragged him to the kitchen sink and took out some soap. She opened his mouth and stuck an "Ivory" soap bar straight in, then swabbed it back and forth. Nick washed eagerly as Tchang began dribbling bubbles that exploded with static electricity with every single "pop" as they hit the floor.

Then he remembered the video. Stupid waste of money! He went to the nearest window and threw the video straight out. As he was walking back inside, he heard his watch suddenly began playing.

"Video killed the radio star, video killed the radio star!"

Uh oh. Nick looked outside. His throw had caused the video to go sailing out, and it had struck somebody on the head. He took a good look at the crowd gathered around it.

"Oh my God! Is that Michael Savage?!" Somebody shouted.

"He's dead!"

"He's freaking' SNUFFED it!"

Nick blinked a few times. "Oops." He said, slinking into the living room.

FAR, FAR AWAY…

"This just in…Michael Savage has been killed by a blow to the head from a VHS tape."

"Did you hear that, Al?"

"You bet, Mike."

And there was much rejoicing.

BACK TO TOYKO…

"Well, what CAN we do?" Jackie asked. "If waking him up is dangerous, we need to find a way to send him back to Hell WITHOUT waking him up! King, do you happen to?..."

King nodded. "I do, but I cannot do it in here. It has to be somewhere in the open air, and on holy ground for the best results." He rubbed his three-digit, clawed hands together. "Well then, first things first. Tohru, would you be so kind as to ask your mother for the bell piece? Then let us move to the nearest Shinto shrine!"

"Mother?" Tohru called out to his mother.

"Mother is punishing naughty guest!" Tohru's mother told him. Tchang was now actually CRYING as he had that bar swished around forcibly in his mouth. Sheesh, deep down beneath the armor, he's just an easily-deflated bully!

"Er…mother…where did you put that piece of the golden bell?"

"Upstairs in your room. Why not show your friends?" She said, still not taking her eyes off of Tchang.

Nick and Jackie walked upstairs with Tohru while King stood watch over the sleeping Lord Demon of Sloth. Nick and Jackie were amazed at how simple Tohru's room was. The opening was a simple sliding door, and there was a slightly large cot bed on the floor and a big dressing drawer across from it. On that desk was a family picture…the only one that had a MAN in the photo, holding onto baby Tohru with his mother hugging the father happily. The dad was crying happily.

"Is that your dad?" Nick found himself asking.

Tohru was incredibly quiet for a few minutes as he went through the drawer, finally pulling out the golden piece of bell. Then he spoke.

"That is my father." He said. "He's not here anymore."

"Oh, he…he's dead?" Nick found himself asking.

"…he…he was a lazy bum, Mother always said. Even when before they got married, but when I was born, Mother said she had never, ever seen a man working so hard to make sure we could live well. He left me and my mother all we have. But…"

"But what?" Jackie asked.

"But he's not here anymore. He…went missing. We don't know what happened." Tohru said softly. "Mother always thinks he ran away, that he cracked. But…but the father I know would never have done that. I don't know where he is…and I hope one day he'll write me one day." He suddenly sniffled and wiped his nose on his arm, and found a single tear was going down his cheek.

Jackie put his hand on Tohru's back. "I'm sorry, Tohru. I hope your father is well."

"Somehow I think he'll find a way to talk with you." Nick said. "Come on, let's head on down and see if Tchang's hiccupping bubbles!"

Back downstairs, Tchang was indeed hiccupping bubbles, and in between those hiccups in the kitchen he was cursing Tohru's mother, which resulted in MORE punishment. King was still intently watching Belphegor. When he saw them arrive with the bell piece, he stood up from the chair he was sitting in and clasped his hands together, golden eyes beaming. "Excellent! Now then, let us get going, we have to send him…"

"Wait…" Tohru suddenly said, approaching the couch. He looked down at Belphegor, and really, REALLY looked at him. "Something…seems…odd about this one."

"Well, he's kind of odd himself, from what I have heard." King responded. "Now then…"

Bidding Tohru's mother farewell for now, they found themselves carrying Belphegor to the Shinto shrine down the street. It was located in a large park that was empty, VERY empty. Tchang spat out a final bubble in his demon form as he set down Belphegor with Tohru's help. They looked up at the red "gate" before them now and Tchang "harrumphed".

"Let's get this over with." He said. "I'll stand guard."

King took out some chalk from the pocket of his cloaked robes and began drawing up the necessary circle on the ground that would become the portal back to Hell. Nick and Jackie stood by Belphegor while Tohru rubbed the back of his head, looking intently at the Lord Demon, who was mumbling something in his sleep.

Tohru leaned in to listen, and was surprised to hear what he heard.

"_Yondeiru Mune no, dokoka okude…itsumo kokoro odoru uume wo mitaii…Kanashimi wa kazoekirenai kedo, sono mukou de kitto anata ni aeruuu…kurikaesu ayamachi no sonotabi hito wa tada aoi sora no aosa wo shiru…hateshinaku michi wa tsuzuite mieru keredo_…"

"That song…" Tohru gasped. "That song he's mumbling, it's…"

"What?" Jackie asked.

"It's their song, it's their song!"

"What?" Nick said, not getting it.

"It's my mother and father's song, their favorite song!"

Nick gasped. "WHAT?!?"

At that exclamation, Belphegor suddenly stirred…

ELSEWHERE…

"It has worked well." Hohenheim of Light said as he stepped out into the light, out of the woods that he and Vassago had emerged from. "The portal spell was successful."

Vassago panted, grabbing his chest. "That…took a lot out of…out of me…" He suddenly began coughing heavily, and Hohenheim pounded on his back so that Vassago could let it all out. Finally he spat out some phlegm and gasped, getting his breath back bit by bit.

"We're here…" The Prince of Hell said. "Let's…let's get going, we've got to draw his attention back here…this is the only place we might be able to defeat him."

Hohenheim nodded. "Correct. But until he DOES come…let's go get some ice cream!"

"It's January and you wish to buy ice crea-"

"Ooh, more people?" The nice young woman from much, much earlier remarked. "Hi! Welcome to Tulmeadow Farms! Want to buy some ice cream? Here, come on into the store, you look cold!"

Meanwhile, Drago had finished up with helping with the pool, and was looking over at Hsi and Jade who were walking over to him. He was sitting in a chair by the pool while Bai Tsa swam around. He sipped his beer and sighed, his normally handsome face known wracked with internal guilt, anger, damaged pride and sorrow.

"What is it." He said stonily.

"Drago, I don't want you to keep on acting like this…"

"Well…get used to it." He said simply. "Right now, you…you're DEAD to me, okay!?! I don't know…I can't believe that I fell for you so right now, you know!?! Just-just get out of here!"

"…you are so whiny!" Hsi said as he sipped his coke can. Drago promptly snatched it from his hands. "HEY! GIVE IT BACK!" He snarled.

Drago tossed it and it hit him in the face, falling to the ground and spilling its contents. "You…you…that is it! I hope to GOD I never have to see either of you! I'm leaving!" With that, he snarled and walked off. Jade sighed sadly. "I never meant to hurt him this much, I-"

"This is his choice!" Hsi said angrily. "I learned to cope, he should too…"

Drago found himself taking a cab to the park. He needed time alone with his thoughts. As he got out of the cab and walked through the park, his steps seeming to "thud" on the path as the wind whipped around him, he grumbled. Why, WHY was it like this? It had been a done deal, he had had Jade, had had her EARLY, had everything he could have wanted, and now that she was gone he didn't really want to be handsome, to live in luxury or to be surrounded by family. He felt too cold deep down.

He sat down on a nearby bench and looked up at the sky. "God…why do you torture my kind? Why does it seem that people who love only end up getting hurt?"

The darkening sky did not answer.

But somebody else did.

"How piteous."

Drago whipped around in his bench, coming face to face with a reptilian demon with red horns, gloves and a toothy grin.

"How utterly piteous that you, the once great son of Shendu, should be brought down by something as…love lost. It has claimed far weaker people than you, I would have thought you were better, and yet…you prove you are really weaker than I thought you were. You disappoint, junior sorcerer. I must confess myself…diss…a…pointed." With each little tiny spelling of "disappointed", the Demonic Embodiment of the Elements shook his head.

Drago was ticked. He stood up, transforming into his demonic form. "You want to start something, you little fool?! I can destroy you easily! You don't seem that strong!"

"Oh really?" Snizzi asked, eyebrow raised. "Well, let me accommodate."

Snizzi suddenly rushed at him, fist raised and burning, the power of fire activated. Drago leapt back, somersaulting as he did so. Snizzi swung and hit the ground, and the shockwave sent Drago flying through the air. Drago then kicked off a tree and launched himself at Snizzi, swiping his claws and snarling angrily.

Snizzi ducked to the side, then whizzed around and pointed his index finger at Drago, shouting "TOXIC BULLET" as he did so. A purple bullet of toxic energy whizzed at him, grazing his temple. Drago shouted and grabbed his head as blood oozed down. "You'll be feeling VERY, VERY sleepy soon…" Snizzi whispered. "Then I can kill you nice and easy, little half-breed!"

Drago stood up, cracking his knuckles. "I am not letting you kill me "nice and easy"!" He yelled. He slammed his fist into the ground and a huge chunk of earth went flying into the air. He kicked it right at Snizzi, much to the demonic avatar's surprise, and both earth chunk and demon went flying into a tree, crashing with a loud "BA-BOOM".

Drago suddenly yawned. Oh dear…the poison was taking effect. He had to defeat Snizzi quickly! He rushed at Snizzi who kicked the earth and tree chunks off of him and rushed to meet him. The two proceeded to punch the living daylights out of each other. TWHWOCKA-TWHWOCKA! Left-right, left-right, neither side giving in.

Drago felt every punch weigh on him, he was succumbing to the poison. But he could not get that talk that Jade had had with him out of his mind, and he found himself crying, screaming…

_"Dra-Regent, I…I care a lot about you…but…I've realized that I…I don't love you the way you love me, the way we love each other in the future. I…don't know how else to put it, I am…I am SO sorry…"_

And so, Regent Valmont, better known as Drago, son of Shendu, felt his soul pour out into each blow as he screamed over the love he had lost, over how his life felt so shattered, each blow battering into scaly blue flesh and not letting up. He…was winning.

But all things end, even a sorrow-and-hate-filled adrenaline rush like he was experiencing. He fell to the ground, gasping. He couldn't fight any more…

Snizzi stood calmly over him, looking down at him.

"You can't even fight anymore. You're balancing on the border between the waking and the dreaming world. I'll put you out of your misery…"

Drago was barely conscious when he saw Snizzi transforming…

And he would be grateful for that.

ELSEWHERE…

Pain…pain! Painpainpain oh GOD it's HAPPENING!

Falling down, falling…911…call…911…it's…its happening, it's…

Shenny…why am I so afraid, why does it hurt so much, why…

I feel you…your hands…I'm…

I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay, I'm…

"-going to be okay, Mrs. Valmont. You're going to be okay, just relax and let us administer-"

"Hold on my love, hold on Sandi, you'll be alright, you'll be alright…"

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…"

It hurts…not as much, feels…kind of…odd…and…I feel his hand, I feel…

My…son…

Hello…

"We'll name you Regent."

"Yes…Regent Valmont."

It was a strange scene. A strange scene. How could Belphegor possibly?...

"…I…know you…" Belphegor asked, slightly sleepily still. He was half-awake, but was alert enough to be able to see Tohru. "I…know your name…you're…Tohru Shimono..."

Nick blinked. "Shimono? That's a pretty name!"

Belphegor rubbed his eyes. He had a LOT of sleep, so much it was crusty. "You…you're my…mine?" He asked. "Could…you be?"

"My…my father disappeared a long time ago." Tohru mumbled, looking down at the ground. "There's no possibility-"

"Mother…still…calls you…her…"Little Tohru"?" Belphegor asked.

Tohru took in a harsh breath.

"You…always smelled…like General Tso's…"

"F-Father?" Tohru found himself asking.

Belphegor suddenly blinked, now fully awake. "My…son? You…you got BIG!" He suddenly hugged Tohru deeply. "I missed you so much, I…I have so much to say to you…"

"Wait…your Dad is a Demon as well!?!" Nick asked. "Wait 'till Drago hears this!"

"In a sense…" Belphegor said. "My body is my own, my soul…your father's. I like it like that…happy memories…good feelings…all the time."

"You would think they were happy, you…you lazy bum!" Tohru sobbed, yet he was joking, his tears were tears of joy as he embraced his dad deeply. "What happened? Please tell me?"

"I will, but your mother…she should hear. Let us leave…"

King rubbed his chin. "I must admit, I am intrigued by all of this. Come then! Let us head back. TCHANG! Tchang, where are you!?"

Tchang emerged from behind a tree, zipping up his pants. "I'm here, I'm here, I heard it all. Let's get a move on…"

Nick, when they arrived at the house of Tohru and his mother, dragged Tchang into the bathroom and then grabbed some soap. He proceeded to wash Tchang's mouth out for being a "sick, sick person, shame on you for peeing on holy ground you bad, BAD person you" while the others listened and laughed it up. Once Tchang had managed to mumble and bubble out a full and heartfelt apology, Nick finished and they walked out, Tchang washing his mouth out with water and spitting out the soapy remains.

Belphegor folded his arms and sat back in the couch, looking up at the ceiling. "You may or may not know this…demons are created often from the human imagination. Occasionally though, their spark of life is given from a human soul which transcends the boundaries of time and space, seeking something it has lost. In my case, it was my family. I was knifed in an alley while on my way back from a new job offer that I was very excited about. It had seemed like such a perfect day…but then a mugging became something worse.

The body was buried beneath a river. I found himself…I found myself to be simply EXISTING, nothing more…nothing but a soul, longing for my family. I called out over time, searching…but I was lost. I finally stumbled upon a body that was in lazy slumber, waiting calmly for something new…I entered it, we bonded…Belphegor and I."

Belphegor went on. "After your father and I joined, we found we liked the situation. I have always been one who wants to be left alone…alone with my thoughts, my feelings, my dreams. This man's happy memories of his family made me…happy…and we sort of…of…"

"Became symbiotic?" King suggested.

"Yes, yes." Belphegor nodded. "A mutual friendship and partnership. We were sent up here to be found by you…Xan believed that my habit for destroying those around me when I awake would be your end…but he did not know that…that I am kin with you. And I am not going to hurt somebody that would make my other half sad. That's not right. It's bad."

Nick was surprised. Belphegor was surprisingly nice, kind of like a little kid in his manners. "Well, we're glad that-"

Suddenly Tohru's mother embraced Belphegor passionately. "Taro, I missed you so much…" She whispered, tears falling from her eyes. Belphegor looked down at her, and then, for the briefest of moments as the two embraced, Nick could see…

Could see not a demon and a human, but two human beings locked in a loving embrace, both crying tears of joy. He smiled. Tohru and his mother had their father back. He looked a little different, but he was back.

That was all that mattered in the end.

SPECIAL!

"Hey. Devil Hunter Dante here. I'm here to give you the rundown on the various powerful spirits that our friends have managed to acquire so far. These spirits can be called on by our shamans to help them out, although not all of them have been used. Still, you oughta know what they can do."

ANANSI

An African Trickster spirit of no small renown, he happens to be quite wise and…well, he's kinda creepy, since he's a humanoid spider. This guys's webs are stronger than the toughest steel, and his magic is plentiful. He..er…can get his strength back by feeding on people. I mean literally sucking on them…

ANUBIS

Egyptian God, a Guardian of the Dead who has a deep respect for the living. Besides trying to make sure people are properly respected when dead and leading them to the other side, doggy-face here is frickin' strong, and knows a lot of necromancy. Which, in case you don't know, is the ability to control the dead.

KOKOPELLI

A Native American Trickster spirit. This guy talks too f—kin' much if you want my opinion. He IS a great musician though, and he's got a down-to-earth wisdom about him. He lives fooling around with his foes, and his flute can manipulate reality around him. Now if only Nevan could do that-OW! Watch it, woman! F—kin' succubus.

OUROBOROS

This guy is a huge serpent. A VERY big serpent. He devours his own tail in imagery, and is a symbol of eternity. Master of alchemy, he is all about being fair and equal. A democratic snake, didn't think I'd ever live to see it. And I've seen weird s—t before. He seems to like kids, for some reason.

QUETZALCOATL

This guy is a feathered serpent, a God of the Incas, although incarnations of him exist elsewhere. He has a lot of relatives, and happens to have powers over the sun, over plants, and of course, he can fly at gale force speeds. He's also surprisingly gentle for a gigantic snake. Wonder how he'd look if I made him into some boots.


	48. Lands Down Under

**CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN**

LANDS DOWN UNDER

"BELIAL, GET YOUR SCALY ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" Xan snarled.

Belial slowly strode over, mouth a taut line, eyes gleaming. He said nothing as Xan ranted angrily about how his plan had been ruined, how aggravating it was to discover this secret of the Lord Demon of Sloth, and how Belial had better get up to bring Belphegor back to the dark side-

"No." Belial said. He yawned lazily. "He is happy now. I would not do that to my best friend and fellow lord of slothfulness."

Xan's eyes glinted dangerously as he began to transform, his golden scales glittering in the darkness of the hellish plain he and Belial were meeting on. "You…are making a big mistake annoying me."

"Do your worst, you pathetic manipulating scum." Belial said calmly. "I was content simply to watch and wait to see how things played out, but this time actually taking a stand feels good to me. So do your worst."

"Oh I **WILL**. Welcome to the last painful moments of your life!" Xan said, a grin spreading across his features more frightening than anything the Cheshire Cat could ever come up with.

"Welcome everyone. Welcome to…AUSTRALIA!" Nick exclaimed, spreading his arms.

Australia was…the put it best, humid and kind of buggy for most of them. Nick didn't seem to mind one bit though. The sky was partially cloudy as they walked into Sydney. The streets weren't too busy and there were many people walking on the sidewalks. They could see the Sydney opera house off in the distance, along with several people crowding around it.

"The bell piece landed inside the opera house, didn't it?" Nick asked.

"Yes." Uncle said. "According to what Valmont's contacts said…how come boy is so giddy?"

"I LOVE Australia!" Nick said. "No one loves Brisbane like Jeeeesuss…Jeeeesuss…Jeeeesuss…"

Uncle made the "crazy" gesture with his hand to the others while Nick kept on singing.

"While an eagle's flying round and round, I'm keeping my feet upon the ground. Can't fly no more, but I'm telling you…I can run the pants off a kangaroo! And a doo, doo, da-doo-da-doo, doo-da-doo-doo-doo-dooo! I can't fly, but I'm telling you, I can run the pants off a kangaroo! Now speaking of the wildlife, you should know some stuff. For starters, there's emus…"

Hsi however, got bored after five minutes and said he had to go to the bathroom. They were all in mini-demon form, nobody seemed to really mind them walking around. After all, some WEIRD stuff happened in Australia.

While Hsi was going into a shop, he asked the man behind the counter where the bathroom was. The man tossed him a key. "It's in the bahk, behind me euey car, mate." He said. Hsi had really only understood "behind me car", and guessing that it was in the back, he left the shop just as a TV report blared to life on the TV in the shop.

As Hsi approached the bathroom, he saw a bird. A rather ugly bird. It had no wings whatsoever, large, thick black feathers, a bluish/black face, sharp beak, and long, strong-looking legs. An emu.

"Oh." Hsi said, approaching it.

Valmont, Uncle, Jade , Dai and Tso were all there with Nick as he led the way straight to the opera house. According to Uncle's chi detector, which was going off the scale the closer they walked to the opera house, there was no doubt that the bell piece was in there.

"Reading is off the scale!" Uncle announced. Suddenly it exploded in his hands, and everyone gasped. Woah!

"Oh my. Something tells me that is not good." Tso remarked.

Dai Gui brushed his hair back. "I can smell something."

"Fish and chips?" Nick asked.

"No…demons. Powerful ones."

"Besides you all?" Valmont wanted to know.

"Yes, I can smell others! And they're…"

SOON…

"Inside…"

"The…"

"Opera…"

"House…" Nick finished.

The outside had been blocked off by guys in suits who had refused to let anybody but a "certain party" in. THEY had been that "certain party". Obviously those guys in suits were demons in disguise, because there was no other explanation for why every single Lord Demon was facing the group down at the moment inside the huge opera house. They all gazed rather hatefully at our cadre from the stage, save for Belphegor and Barbatos. The Lord Demon of Sloth's absence was understandable, he had joined THEIR side, and was occupied at the moment.

AS IT WERE:

"Okay dad, I'm ready! Hiyah!"

TWHOP!

"Good eye, son! You throw like a natural. Here, go long!"

"Oh, you're a great dad! Afterwards, can we go out for dinner?"

"Sure! But not a sushi place, I hate fish…you still hate fish, right?"

"_Hai_."

BACK TO THE OPERA HOUSE:

"Er…where's Barb-?" Nick found himself asking.

"He's being punished." Lucifer said simply. "Astaroth has his hands full."

"I take it you've already got the bell piece."

"Yes." Envy said, sticking her tongue out. "Nya-nya! Howdya' like that, you little…"

"But since "Lucy" here is in charge at the moment now that Xan's getting an earful from the Grand Lord of Hell…" Asmodeus went on. "He insisted we give you a…" He shuddered at the words. "Fair chance."

"Oh, how SWEET of you." Tso Lan remarked, his words oozing with biting sarcasm.

"Well at least demons do not have-" Uncle began.

"Oh, and you MIGHT have been wondering where your other little party went to…" Lillith asked, a cruel smile dawning on her face. "They're being…taken care of…"

IN NEW ZEALAND…

Shendu and Sandi were both looking over baby Drago while Bai Tsa and Xiao, following closely behind Jackie and Captain Black, led the party forward through the grassy fields around them. There were three sheep for every person in New Zealand, or at least, so it seemed. Sheep here, sheep there, sheep EVERYWHERE! It was amazing how many sheep could possibly FIT into a single grassy plain. To the far left, half a mile away, was a beach. But their objective was here, not there. Besides, the water was too cold.

"The bell piece supposedly landed somewhere in here…look for a crater." Jackie told the others. Black led Bai over to one end while Xiao and Jackie searched in the opposite direction. Shendu held up his baby son and swung him around and around, looking quite happy, as did Sandi. He had been born with slightly reddish eyes, but other than that he was a perfectly beautiful human baby boy. He even had the tiniest bit of hair, golden in color.

"He's going to grow up to be one handsome dragon!" Sandi said as Shendu handed him back to her.

MEANWHILE…

"They'll win against anybody you send!" Nick insisted. "So will we! Bring-"

"It's a singing competition, my friend." Lucifer remarked.

Nick blinked. "You…want us to sing?"

"Yes. Of course, we need some impartial judges…we managed to "convince" them to come here."

In what was surely one of the most random moments of all of their lives, Randy Johnson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell all entered the room, taking up their usual judging positions at a big table off to the side. "Yo, dawgs." "How's it going, everyone?" "Can we get this over with?"

"Last man is too ruuuude!" Uncle remarked.

"Just go with it!" Nick said. "But wait…where's?..."

MEANWHILE…

"You're an ugly bird." Hsi said to the emu. "Move. I need to use the bathroom."

The emu "harrumphed". Suddenly Hsi blinked as he rubbed his chin, turning away. What had Nick said about the emu?

"Oh, right…a poem…how did it go?...

"Do not approach an emu.

This bird does not esteem you.

It wields a quick and wicked kick…

That's guaranteed to cream you"."

There was a hissing noise, and the WOOSH of a leg whizzing through the air.

KA-SMACKA!

"WAAAAHOOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hsi shouted as he went flying.

THE OPERA HOUSE.

"But where's?..."

"hooOOOOOO!!!!" Hsi Wu went crashing through a window, landing in one of the seats. He pulled himself off, groaning.

"You approached an emu, didn't you?" Nick asked.

"…yeah…"

"Well, the more you knoooow! Now, we're doing a singing contest! I hope you have a lovely singing voice…"

"Agreed." Lucifer remarked. "I want this to be interesting, and fair. Now then, let's get started. We shall start…"

"With ME." Asmodeus said, taking the stage.

Nick groaned. "Oh boy. He's probably gonna blast us with some heavy-metal hate or maybe some stupid gothic-"

Not quite, Nick. Not quite.

_She's going out to forget they were together,  
All that time he was taking her for granted,  
She wants to see…if there's more  
Than he gave, she's looking for! _

He calls her up, he's tripping on the phone,  
Now he doesn't want her out there and alone!  
Now he knows she's moving it, knows she's using it  
Now he's losing it, she-don't-care!

Everybody!  
Put up your hands, say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Back it up now, you've got a reason to live say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feeling good now, don't be afraid to get down say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"

He was always giving her attention  
Working hard to find the things she mentioned  
He was dedicated…by most sucka's hated  
That girl was fine, but she didn't appreciate him!

She calls him up she's tripping on the phone,  
Now he had to get up and he ain't coming home!  
Now he's trying to forget her, that's how he got with her,  
When he first met her, when they first got together!

Everybody!  
Put up your hands, say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Back it up now, you've got a reason to live say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feeling good now, don't be afraid to get down say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love" 

_  
To the beeeeaaaaat!  
To the beeeeaaaaat!  
To the beeeeaaaaat! _

You got nothing to lose,  
Don't be afraid to get down!

We break up it's something that we do now  
Everyone has got to do it sometime  
It's okay…let it go  
Get out there and find someone!

It's too late to be tripping on the phone here,  
Get off the wire, now everything is good here!  
Stop what you're doing…you don't wanna ruin  
The chance that you got to find a new one!

Everybody!  
Put up your hands, say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Back it up now, you've got a reason to live say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"  
Feeling good now, don't be afraid to get down say:  
"I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love"

No!  
No!

Now you know what to do,  
So come on, feeling good! 

Nick gaped. **_GOOD CHARLOTTE? _**

"Oh wow…I TOTALLY did not see that coming..." Jade said.

"Uncle does not like punk!"

Asmodeus crossed his arms and stomped a little on the ground with his hooves. "So?" He asked the judges hatefully.

"Dude, good song, but…you had too much…ANGER in it!" Randy said.

"Yeah, I like passion in a song, but you sounded so hateful!"

"I will say this: I don't wanna hear you sing, I don't wanna hear you sing! I'm NOT feeling good."

Asmodeus went "BAH" and walked off the stage. The other demons began laughing at him, save for Lucifer, who pointed at our group of heroes. "Go ahead…pick a singer."

"Hmm…Mr. Valmont, how about you give it a go?" Nick was about to say, but Valmont had already jumped up onto the stage.

"This one goes out for my wife!" He proclaimed.

"Oh bloody hell." Nick instantly groaned. He had a feeling he knew what Valmont was about to sing…

_It's hard to wake up…when the shades have been pulled shut!  
This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all!_

_I'm ripe with things to say…the words rot and fall away  
If a stupid poem…could fix this home…I'd read it every day! _

So here's your holidaaay! Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all awaaaay!  
It was mine…so when you're dead and gooonnne!  
Will you remember this night, twenty years now loooost… 

_It's not right! _

The anger hurts my ears…been running strong for seven years!  
Rather than fix the problems, they never solved them, it makes no sense at all!  
I see them everyday…we get along so why can't they?  
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants  
Then whys there so much pain? 

_So here's your holidaaay! Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all awaaaay!  
It was mine…so when you're dead and gooonnne!  
Will you remember this night, twenty years now loooost…_

_It's not right! _

So here's your holidaaay! Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all awaaaay!  
It was mine…so when you're dead and gooonnne!  
Will you remember this night, twenty years now loooost… 

_It's not right!  
_

They all blinked slowly, taking in what they had heard. Finally Randy spoke.

"Dude…intense…"

"I have to agree…that was quite intense, I'm…not sure what I think of it!"

"Here's what **I** think of it: "it's not right" that you were allowed to sing!"

"OH! Why you!-"

"Well it's been scientifically proven that ponytails shut down the part of the brain that allows people to say things that are interesting or relevant!" Nick laughed.

"Where the hell!?! Where did you hear that?"

"Ask a Ninja. That stuff is HARDCORE."

Valmont stepped off, but not before snapping back at Simon "British people are ashamed you're from Britain", to which Simon responded with a classic "bugger off". To no surprise, the demons laughed at HIM too, Asmodeus especially. It was a tie.

"Bloody, Bloomin' "Ask a Ninja"…" Valmont grumbled.

"Who's going to-?" Lucifer began.

Suddenly, to everybody's shock, Lillith got on the stage, grinning in an almost giddy fashion. "Wait until you hear MY song…" She said sexily.

"Nick, you had better look away…" Lucifer warned him.

"Why?" Nick asked.

Lillith ducked behind the curtain, then came out in a costume made up of only red balloons.

"WHAT THE?!?" Was the general consensus.

_Hast Du etwas Zeit fuer mich,  
Dann singe ich ein Lied fuer Dich von 99 Luftballons  
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont! Denkst Du vielleicht grad' an mich  
Dann singe ich ein Lied fuer Dich von 99 Luftballons...  
Und dass sowas von sowas kommt, hey YEAAAH!  
_

_Oh YEAAAH! _

_Oh-Oh-YEAAAH! _

99 Luftballons, auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont,  
Hielt man fuer UFOs aus dem all Darum schickte ein General,  
'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher alarm zu geben, wenn's so waer,  
Dabei war'n da am Horizont, Nur 99 Luftballons, hey YEAAAH! 

_Oh YEAAAH! _

_  
99 Kriegsminister...Streichholz und Benzinkanister,  
Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute, Witterten schon fette Beute,  
Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht, Mann, wer haette das gedacht!  
Dass es einmal soweit kommt, wegen 99 Luftballons, hey YEAAAH!_

_Oh YEAAAH!_

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH! _

99 Jahre Krieg...Liessen keinen Platz fuer Sieger,  
Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr, Und auch keine Duesenflieger!  
Heute zieh ich meine Runden, Seh' die Welt in Truemmern liegen,  
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden, Denk' an Dich und lass' ihn fliegen... 

_Oh YEAAAH! _

_Oh YEAAAH! _

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH!_

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH!_

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH!_

_Na-na-na-na-na-na…na-na-na-na-na-na…na-na-na-na-na-na…na-na-na-na-na! _

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH!_

_Na-na-na-na-na-na…na-na-na-na-na-na…_

_Oh-oh YEAAAAH!_

_na-na-na-na-na-na…na-na-na-na-na!_

"…kill…me…" Nick managed to get out as the song had gone on, and she had popped a red balloon for every almost every word in the song. He covered his eyes once she was showing everything but her naughtiest parts, and once THEY were revealed, Nick felt something warm and sticky spray on him.

He peeked down. Blood. Apparently Dai Gui had gotten a bloody nose. He was now propelled out of seat and was far behind where he had once been. Tso was gaping, red eyes wide, and Uncle's glasses had fallen off. Valmont finally spoke.

"Er…could…you judge her now?"

Randy put his own glasses back on. "Yo, b---h, that s—t was off the hook and straight from the underground!"

"I cannot BELIEVE you did what you did! I'm ashamed that you exposed yourself like that!"

Simon couldn't speak. He had been shot out of his seat as well by an equally powerful nosebleed.

"Er…I guess it's half and half…" Nick remarked.

ELSEWHERE…

"Oh Regent you-are-so-cuuuute!" Sandi said, giving her son a horse kiss, making him laugh.

"I know, I'm so prou-" Suddenly Shendu stiffened. "I…smell blood…sheep blood and…and worse…blood of my own kind…my…my own…"

His eyes went wide as Bai Tsa screamed in horror. They all ran in her direction to see what was the matter and gasped at the sight.

Snizzi was chomping down on a sheared sheep whose wool was freshly shaved. Even scarier, the sheep was still alive, and was bleating helplessly, wailing horribly. They were forced to watch as Snizzi finally chomped through the unfortunate sheep's neck and gulped down the mouthfuls he had. He wiped his bloodied mouth on his gloved hand and dropped the sheep, turning to them and standing up.

To his other side was…a very, very badly hurt Regent Valmont of the future, aka Drago. His chest was oozing blood from beneath him, a sickening red pool.

"Wh-what do you think you're doing, hurting my son!?!" Shendu snarled suddenly, all his former happiness gone and replaced with utter fury.

"Hurting? Oh he's dead, Fire Demon. Very dead. Oh, and he was sort of stringy." Snizzi commented, picking his teeth with a toothpick.

"Wh-what?" Sandi gasped.

"I'm not that hungry anymore…but I think that your head will make a nice dessert, little shaman." Snizzi said cruelly. "I'll snap your neck like-" He snapped his toothpick and grinned. "THAT."

"You…you sick, you evil…" Jackie mumbled.

"I fight to be strong. It is about what side will survive. That is all. And I intend to be the strongest when Judgment comes. If I am not at my strongest, there is no point in living. Your son was strong…I was just stronger. You should have heard him wailing as he struck at me…that little Chinese jewel of yours really broke his heart, Chan." He told Jackie calmly.

Black reached for his gun. Snizzi scoffed. "I'm bulletproof. I have all of Nick's old powers, remember? Including…"

He suddenly jumped up through the air and zoomed at them, and before they knew it, he was behind them…with baby Regent in his arms. Sandi gasped in horror as Snizzi rocked it back and forth in his arms.

"Aw, what a cute little thing this is!" Snizzi complimented. "He's got his father's eyes and his mother's smile." He reached down and gently stroked the child's hair. "How fragile life is…"

"Don't you DARE touch him!" Sandi screamed.

"You leave that child out of this!" Xiao shouted. "Your fight's with us!"

"All I have to do is apply a LITTLE bit of pressure to this child's head, and he will not survive…" Snizzi whispered, looking down at the child in his arms. Baby Regent was now looking up at him, a bit frightened. "Is that the CHILD'S fault? No, it's simply how things are. Life is suffering, and growing strong as a result. What a pity, your kind lives only to die in some form…"

"LET…MY…CHILD…GO!" Shendu growled.

"You want him back?" Snizzi asked. "Tell you what…I'll give him back…if you defeat me. If you do it and not a single one of you dies…I'll even give you THIS." He held up the bell piece they'd been looking for with his tail. "The last piece, right? You want it as well, don't you? Well if you survive, the child and the bell piece are yours. But that's IF you all survive. Now then…"

Snizzi put the child down, then raised his gloved hands. An earthen cage arose from the ground, then it became encased in metal. "Don't bother trying to break him out, that cage will only go down when I say it will."

"How do we know you won't…you won't try to kill the baby if you lose?" Bai asked.

"Good question. You don't. But I think you'd want to take whatever chance you have, don't you?" Snizzi asked snarkily. "Now come on…" He spread his arms and laughed. "Let's dance, fools!"

MEANWHILE…

"Uh, Hsi? Jade? Do one of you think you could…"

The Sky Demon himself took the stage. "I want to dedicate this to you, Jade." He said. Jade blushed. "I heard this song and to tell the truth, I was planning on singing it to woo you, but since the point is moot…"

_Fortune has me well in hand, armies 'wait my command!  
My gold lies in a foreign land buried deep beneath the sand!  
The angels guide my ev'ry tread, my enemies are sick or dead,  
But all the victories I've led…haven't brought you to my bed! _

You see, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?  
Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Now the purest race I've bred to be to live in my democracy,  
And the highest human pedigree awaits the first-born boy baby!  
And my face on ev'ry coin engraved…the anarchists are all enslaved!  
My own flag is forever waved by the grateful people I have saved!

You see, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?  
Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Now, no man is beyond my claim when land is seized in the people's name,  
By evil men who rob and maim, if war is hell, _I'm__ not to blame!  
Why, you can't blame me, I'm Heaven's child, I'm the second son of Mary mild,  
And I'm twice removed from Oscar Wilde, but he didn't mind, why, he just smiled! _

Yes, and the ocean parts when I walk through, and the clouds dissolve and the sky turns blue,  
I'm held in very great value by everyone I meet but you!  
'cause I've used my talents as I could, I've done some bad, I've done some good,  
I did a whole lot better than they thought I would so, c'mon and treat me like you should!

Because everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?  
Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you? whoo, yeah!

Everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?  
Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Yeah, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?  
Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you? 

Jade of course, clapped like heck. But the problem was…

"Dude, I HATE that song."

"Well I really like it!"

And Simon had just woken back up. "What did I miss? Not much I hope."

Naturally this meant…a tie…

And guess who was next up? The Lord Demon of Envy, Leviathan.

Yet, much to their surprise…

_Miss independent…Miss self-sufficient  
Miss "keep your distance", no!  
Miss on her own…Miss almost grown  
Miss "never let a man help her off her throne"!_

_  
So, by keeping her heart protected..  
She'd never ever feel rejected…  
Little miss apprehensive…  
Said "ooh"…she fell in love ! _

What is the feelin' takin' over?  
Thinkin' no one could open the door!  
Surprise...it's time…to feel what's real!

What happened to miss independent?  
No more the need to be the missus!  
Goodbye, to you… 

_When love…is true…  
_

_Miss guarded heart…miss play it smart!_

_Miss "if you wanna use that line, you better not start!"_

_But she miscalculated…she didn't wanna end up jaded!_

_And this miss decided not to miss out on true love!  
_

_So by changing her miss-conceptions…_

_She went in a new direction…_

_She found inside she felt a connection…_

_She fell straight in love!  
_

_What is the feelin' takin' over?  
Thinkin' no one could open the door!  
Surprise...it's time…to feel what's real! _

What happened to miss independent?  
No more the need to be the missus!  
Goodbye, to you… 

_When love…is true…  
_

_Little miss independent walked away…_

_No time that came her way…_

_She looked in the mirror and thought today…_

"_What happened to miss-no-longer-afraid"?_

_It took some time for her to see…_

_How beautiful love could truly be…_

_No more talk of "why can't that be me"?_

_I'm so glad I finally see!  
_

_What is the feelin' takin' over?  
Thinkin' no one could open the door!  
Surprise...it's time…to feel what's real! _

What happened to miss independent?  
No more the need to be the missus!  
Goodbye, to you… 

_When love…is true… _

"Oh wow!" Lillith gaped.

"Did better than YOU, didn't I?" Leviathan snickered.

"That was off the chain!" Randy remarked.

"You sure picked a winner!"

"…not that bad...I'm impressed." Simon admitted.

"Top that…Chinky." Leviathan told Jade. Jade growled. Oh, she was SO gonna…

"Jade…" The Sky Demon put his clawed hand on her arm. "Don't sing angrily." He insisted.

Jade looked into his eyes and saw nothing but concern. She nodded.

"Alright." She said, getting on the stage. She cleared her throat and sang.

_Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls! _

Maybe if I act like _that__, that guy will call me back!  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl! _

Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there, laughing loud so all the little people stare!  
Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne…drop a name!  
What happened to the dreams of a girl president? She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent!  
They travel in packs of two or three…with their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees!  
Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?  
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back…  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl!  
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back…  
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl!

_**Break it down now!**_

_  
Disease's growing, it's epidemic, I'm scared that there ain't a cure  
The world believes it and I'm going crazy…I cannot take any more!!!  
I'm so glad that I'll never fit in…that will never be me!  
Outcasts and girls with ambition, __that's__ what I wanna see  
_

_Come on!_

_  
Disasters all around…  
World of despair…  
Your only concern…_

"_Will it fuck up my hair"? _

Maybe if I act like that (do like this), that guy will call me back,,,  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl!  
Baby if I act like that (Oh, Oh-Oh, Do you think?), flipping my blond hair back! (Do you think?)  
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl! (Yeah, yeah)

_**Do ya think? Do ya think? Do ya think?  
I like this, like this, like this!**_

_  
Pretty will you f--k me girl, silly I'm so lucky girl!  
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!  
Pretty would you f--k me girl, silly I'm so lucky girl  
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl! _

Baby if I act like that…flipping my blond hair back…  
Push up my bra like that…stupid girl!

Maybe if I act like that (maybe if I act like that), that guy will call me back! (that guy will call me back) Porno Paparazzi girl…(Porno Paparazzi girl), I don't wanna be a stupid girl! (stupid girl) Baby if I act like that (maybe if I act like that), flipping my blond hair back! (flipping my blond hair back) Push up my bra like that (push up my bra like that), I don't wanna be a stupid girl (stupid girl)

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back!  
Push up my bra like that… 

_Stupid girl!  
Stupid girl!  
Stupid girl!_

Hsi erupted into applause. Nick cheered. "You GO, girl!"

"Yeah, girl, that was BANGIN', dawg!"

"You are so great, that was amazing!"

Simon brushed his hair back. "…you've got talent." He admitted.

A tie! They needed people to break it…who would sing next?

Uncle and Dai and Tso sang, but they didn't do too well. Neither did Mephistoles, Satan or Beelzebub who also went up to sing. It came down to…

Lucifer and Nick.

"I shall go first, if you…don't mind." Lucifer said.

"Well, what are you gonna sing?" Nick asked.

"You might know this song very well, Nick…" Lucifer said, getting up on the stage. He cracked his knuckles, and then began the song.

_She moves like a mystic,  
like a priestess tall and pale!  
She lays down the mystery,  
all her secrets are unveiled! _

Wherever I look I see her there…  
wherever I go you know she's there!

And she takes possession, she has control,  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!  
And when the fever takes a hold…  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!

Her words fall in echoes,  
ringing bells like gypsy rhymes!  
She has the power…  
no believer can explain!

Wherever I look I see her there…  
wherever I go you know she's there!

And she takes possession, she has control,  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!  
And when the fever takes a hold…  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire! 

_  
I feel the heat pumping in my veins!  
next to yoouuu I can touch the fire!  
I see myself going up in flames!  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire! _

Wherever I look I see her there…  
wherever I go you know she's there!

She takes possession!  
And she takes possession, she has control,  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!  
And when the fever takes a hold…  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire! 

_  
I feel the heat pumping in my veins!  
next to yoouuu I can touch the fire!  
I see myself going up in flames!  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!_

_  
She takes possession!  
_

_Touch the fire!_

_Touch the fire!_

_I feel the heat pumping in my veins!  
next to yoouuu I can touch the fire!  
I see myself going up in flames!  
next to yoouuu…I can touch the fire!_

They all gaped. ALL of them. He'd…he'd been amazing!

"WOW…" Leviathan said. "That…was…that…"

Now she wished she was HIM! Jade looked very impressed herself. "I'm amazed he pulled that off…he must have learned the song back to front…"

"It SHOWS, dawg! That was amazin', man!" Randy said.

"You are quite possibly one of the most amazing singers I've ever heard!" Paula agreed.

"I've got to give credit where it is due, you really are amazing." Simon admitted sheepishly.

Nick gulped. There was no way, no WAY he could beat him. Right? Unless…unless maybe, just maybe…with the right song…

Lucifer let Nick get up on the stage then grinned. "Don't expect to win." He said simply. "You'll fail. Why not just-"

"Sit down, shut up, and take a listen." Nick said to him. "I'm gonna rock the house!"

Lucifer "harrumphed" and stepped off the stage. Nick grinned and took up a pose. "Hey, watch? Provide the music."

His watch blared to life, and he was off!

_If a boy had a chance, a chance with someone like you…  
Are you gonna break his heart…let him cry for the moon?  
Are you hiding…somewhere behind those eyyyes? _

I-just-freeze! 

_I just freeze every time you see through me,  
and it's all over you! Electric blue!  
On my knees, help me baby,_

_tell me what can I do? _

_Electric blue! _

Oh I had a dream, For a moment I believed it was true…  
Oh I'd have given anything just to be there with you!  
Are you hiding…somewhere behind those eyyyes?

I-just-freeze! 

_I just freeze every time you see through me,  
and it's all over you! _

_Electric blue!  
_

_In-too-deep!_

_  
In too deep! Standing here waiting,  
as I'm breaking in two…_

_Electric blue!  
_

_I-can-see!_

_  
I can see…can see that it may be  
just a vision of you!_

_Electric blue!  
_

_On-my-knees!  
_

_On my knees, help me baby,  
tell me what can I do?  
Electric blue! _

(help me baby!)

Are you hiding somewhere behind those eyyyes?

I just freeze every time you see through me,  
and it's all over you! 

_Electric blue!  
_

_In-too-deep!_

_  
In too deep! Standing here waiting,  
as I'm breaking in two…_

_Electric blue!  
_

_I-can-see!_

_  
I can see…can see that it may be  
just a vision of you!_

_Electric blue!  
_

_On-my-knees!  
_

_On my knees, help me baby,  
tell me what can I do?  
Electric blue!_

_I-just-freeze! _

I just freeze every time you see through me,  
and it's all over you! 

_Electric blue!  
_

_In-too-deep!_

_  
In too deep! Standing here waiting,  
as I'm breaking in two…_

_Electric blue!  
_

_I-can-see!_

_  
I can see…can see that it may be  
just a vision of you!_

_Electric blue!  
_

_On-my-knees!  
_

_On my knees, help me baby,  
tell me what can I do?  
Electric blue! _

Electric blue… 

_  
Electric blue…_

_  
Electric blue…_

There was absolute silence. And then…

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Lucifer began clapping slowly. Soon Hsi and Jade followed. Then so did the rest of Nick's group. And then, grudgingly, the other demons.

"You're the real deal." Randy told Nick.

"I…am…moved…" Paula said.

"I…I…" Simon stuttered, crying. "I always LOVED that song…"

Nick felt an armored hand pat him on the shoulder. "You…win." Lucifer said. Then he smiled, stepping back. "I have to admit…you're exactly what I had hoped you'd be…someone just as strong as I am. Here." He tossed the bell piece to Nick, who caught it after fumbling with it a few times. "Let us take our leave."

Lucifer drew his sword from his scabbard and raised it high, looking oddly heroic in his slightly demonic white armor. His cape fluttered wildly as wind whipped around him and the other lord demons, and in a flash of light and a cloud of dust, they were gone. The judges turned to the group.

"Now uh…when do we get paid?" Simon asked.

Valmont groaned as everybody looked at him expectantly. So much for wanting to get that new car.

"Hey…how come our friends haven't called?" Nick asked suddenly. "Shouldn't they have…"

Suddenly the song "Superfreak" began to play on Nick's cell phone. "Oh boy." Nick groaned. "That's Xiao's number."

"So?"

"Oh wait…we told them that if things were really bad that Xiao was to call us…" Jade realized.

"We gotta get to New Zealand!" Nick gasped. "But I don't know how to get there that fast, and I still haven't really perfected the teleportation technique I've been practicing…"

"Uncle knows way." Uncle said.

Everyone turned and looked at him. "What is it?" Tso asked.

"It will require…a distraction…" Uncle said.

SOON, AT THE DOCKS…

Everyone hid behind a warehouse as Uncle approached a huge fishing yacht. The driver of the yacht was washing the sides. When he noticed Uncle approaching, he blinked.

"Hey, what can I do ya for?" He asked.

"We need to borrow your boat." Uncle said.

"Crikey! Why?"

"We need to go meet our friends in New Zealand." Uncle said.

"Well sorry mate, but I cahn't just give yeh me boat!"

Tso would have grinned if he could have. "Oh REALLY?" He remarked, muttering an incantation under his breath. Suddenly from over the horizon they came, diving at the driver of the huge yacht.

"AAA! MOZZIES!" He screamed, diving off the boat and swimming away. "Getawaygetawaygetaway!"

"Hmm. Cloud of mosquitoes. Dai Gui likes." Dai Gui admitted.

"Wait. I'm adding a shark attack."

"CRIKEY! A shark's got me leg! CRIKEY! Lookit the size ah those teeth!"

"You're so **EVIL**!" Nick said.

"You can compliment me later. Quick, to the boat!" The Moon Demon proclaimed.

They all clambered in and Uncle got the boat going. It took off full speed towards New Zealand…but it wasn't fast enough!

"Isn't there a way to make it go faster?!?" Nick shouted over the roar of the engine. Tso rubbed his chin, his long black hair fluttering in the wind.

"You…can manipulate your chi, can't you?" He asked. "Could you provide us with a strong enough beam to propel us far?" He asked.

Nick blinked. "I…don't know…I'd need a lotta help…"

Tso and Dai stepped forward. "You are not alone." Tso said. "We will help you. Take Dai's strength."

Dai and Tso thrust their hands forward and a brown and purple aura seeped out into Nick, who felt all tingly. He could do this…he hoped.

He went to the back of the boat and aimed, holding both his palms out and forward. "VACUUM SURGE FIST: _SHINKUU HADOUKEN!_" Nick he hollered.

VA-VOOOOM!

MEANWHILE…

Our heroes were getting their butts kicked. Jackie could not stand up to the quick blows of Snizzi. Shendu and Sandi kept getting blown back by wind and fire attacks. Captain Black had been downed by an Aqua Kick to the head, and Xiao and Bai were barely awake, both blackened and bleeding all over. Snizzi laughed and hovered in the air, tail curling slightly.

"You poor, poor fools! You didn't honestly think you could win, did you?" He asked them.

Jackie cracked his knuckles again and took up another fighting pose.

"Still you resist? I have to admit, you've got a lot of spirit! I look forward to breaking your mighty will, courageous one!" Snizzi yelled as he rushed at Jackie. He delivered a series of crushing strikes at Jackie's face, but Jackie blocked them all…sloppily.

"Come on, boy! You can do better than that!" Snizzi cackled.

Suddenly an odd blaring came, a car horn that was a short riff from "Dixieland", the old Southern anthem. They all turned and took a look and saw, coming up from the beach…

A huge white yacht. It landed about 100 yards away from them, and everyone on it went flying off.

Nick picked himself up and dusted himself off as he stared at the other group. "Hi guys…how long have…have you been at this?"

"An hour of searching, half an hour of being…beaten up…" Xiao groaned slowly.

"Well good thing we got here!" Jade said, standing up with the others.

Snizzi groaned. "I can't handle ALL of you! D—n you, d—n you!" He snarled. "I'm just not strong enough…" He grinned suddenly. "But that will change. Soon. I guess you win by default. But when I see you again, I WILL be the stronger one."

He snapped his fingers, and the cage surrounding baby Regent was gone. He then tossed them the bell piece and vanished in a puff of blue smoke.

"That guy pisses me off!" Bai said. "Who does he think he is?"

"The demonic embodiment of the elements." Nick said in a depressed tone. "And unfortunately, he's got my old powers…"

They all looked at him. "WHAT!?!" was the cry.

"It's true. Apparently true power doesn't just vanish, it goes somewhere else…in this case, into that friggin' imp…"

Jackie ruffled his hair nervously. "Well…at least all the bell pieces are together. Come on, let's head home. For once, I think we can relax."

Nick blinked. Then he beamed. "Hey, you're…you're right! We DID it, everyone! We got all the bell pieces! We're home free!"

"This means that the voice of God will come back, right?" Jade asked.

"Yes." Uncle said, adjusting his glasses. "We have cause to rest easy."

Nick laughed and punched the air. "Victory song! We are one! But we are maaaannnyyy! And from all…the lands on Earth we come!"

"Dai Gui has a question." Dai Gui said, raising his hand. Tso rolled his red eyes as best he could and said "What is it?".

"How are we going to get back to the city?" Dai asked. "Our boat is wrecked, we are on an island, and Nick cannot teleport us all back…"

They all looked around, while Nick's face fell faster than a penny off the Empire State building.

"Aw, dang." He groaned, slapping his forehead.

**Author's Note:**

**I have only two things to say: One is that Icehouse is the shiznit. Two: a penny falling off the Empire State Building won't actually kill you. The Mythbusters proved it. **


	49. Two Kinds of Crazy

**CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT**

TWO KINDS OF CRAZY

"Thanks, Mr. Ouroboros!" Sandi said, waving goodbye to the snake as it bowed and vanished in a sparkle of purple, red and pink.

"I wouldn't normally say that was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, but that's the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, there I said it." Nick said quickly, wiping himself off and going "ew-ew-ew" over and over again in his head.

In order to get off the island, Sandi had used her shamanic talent to summon up the serpent of balance that was Ouroboros. One problem: in order to get them to land, he'd had to swallow them temporarily. It had NOT been a pleasant experience. Uncle had now run back into the shop to wash his hands, the demons were looking QUITE miffed about being swallowed, and Jackie was groaning, drool oozing down from his nice blue long-sleeve shirt.

Captain Black came out with the hose and began spraying Jackie free of the drool. Nick said he was going to take a shower while Tso Lan cleaned himself with his gravity powers, the drool and muck from Ouroboros's body sloughing off easily. Dai Gui however, was anxious to get the sickening stench of stomach acid off of him, and was tapping his big, toe-less feet on the ground.

"Hurry up!" He said. "Dai Gui is anxious!"

Jackie was done. Captain Black turned the hose on Dai Gui, washing him off. Bai Tsa was washing herself and Xiao off easily, and Jade was in the backyard with Hsi, and with Shendu, baby Regent and…and the body of Drago.

Sandi walked into the backyard and looked down at her future son's mutilated, open chest. She had been crying for a long time, clutching onto baby Regent so hard she'd almost hurt him. Shendu had been holding onto the body the whole time they'd been inside Ouroboros and was holding him now.

"My son, my son…" He said over and over.

Jade was struck over and over with the arrows of guilt. They would not leave her alone. "Your fault, your fault." They kept on saying. "If you hadn't broken up with him, he would have stayed here with all of you, he would have LIVED…"

Hsi may have been a lot older than he looked, but even he wasn't sure what to say. He was…afraid…of what he could do now. He didn't want to hurt Jade further by suggesting they have rebound sex or anything like that. She needed time alone to be with her thoughts.

Meanwhile, Nick was taking a shower and trying to relax. TRYING.

"_I'm not the perfect guy…a little slow but I've got perfect timing with you! Take a look around, outside the in-crowd, there ain't nothing we can't dooo!_

_I'll never go outta style on you! And nothing really feels the way you do! Nothing in the world could ever make me look this good, when you fit me like ya doooo!" _

When Nick had finished washing himself off, he went for the nearest towel and with a "squeak-squeak-squeak", he was finished drying himself. All squeaky clean!...but he still felt like crapola.

Then, as he was putting new clothes on, he realized something else and felt worse.

Running down the steps, the first thing he said to King was "Do...do we have ALL of the bell pieces?"

King blinked. "I should think so?"

"What about the one from...Ireland?"

"Oh, that is…with…Finn…for safekeeping…"

Suddenly they both groaned at the same time.

"Aw, **dang**!" "Oh no…"

As the others came in, they saw Nick and King banging their heads on a table and the wall, respectively. "Why are you hitting head on Uncle's shop!?!" Uncle demanded to know.

"That dumb angel Uriel took the bodies of Finn and the others away…to Heaven…and Finn had the one bell we need to complete the bell!" King groaned.

There was a collective groan around all the shop. Nick especially was worried. How on EARTH were they gonna get the last bell piece? Going up to Heaven…he had no idea how to…

Wait…somebody DID!

"King! Uncle! Do either of you know how to do a Blessed Passing?"

They both blinked. Then they shook their heads.

"No."

"Uncle does not."

"Doesn't Shin know?" Captain Black asked, rubbing his chin. "I think I heard him mention it…"

"Yeah!" Nick realized. "Shin told me he used a Blessed Passing spell in order to get up to Heaven! We gotta find Shin!"

"But Shin's gone missing, remember?" Jade said.

"But he's with that dragon, remember?" Hsi said. "If we could contact Draco…"

"I can do that." Shendu said.

"And I will assist." Hao said, nodding and stepping forward. "The two of us have dragon blood. We know spells to call out to our kind. We shall call up Draco and have him and Shin come here within the hour!"

And so, everyone gathered in the backyard. Shendu and Hao held Drago's body and delivered it to the center of a large ring of sheep's blood. They had lit candles and now Shendu had closed his son's eyes.

"In order for the spell to work, it…it requires a sacrifice of the body of a fellow dragon…I…I think that this would be what my son would have wanted…"

"It would have been." Hao said. "If it meant setting things right, if it would have-"

"Have made me happy…he'd want it." Jade said out loud, clutching her body and shaking slightly. Hsi put his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed.

Drago's body hovered in the air as Shendu and Hao raised their hands, chanting. Hao was now in his half-dragon form, and was visibly crying as he and his father said the words. Nick could understand, they were saying it in Latin, speaking of the rights of the un-worlding…

"Take into eternity my hail and farewell…" Tchang said suddenly. "That's…what they're saying."

"You can tell?" Nick asked. "Oh right, you spent all that time as a Gladiator…"

"Yes." Tchang said, standing next to Nick. All of the demons were in mini-form, and all of them were somber. There wasn't a single happy face.

And then, WOOOSH! A bright burning flame shot up from Drago's body, dissolving it, and sending a shaft of flame high, high up into the air, changing colors every few seconds. Finally there was a roar that nearly split all of their eardrums open and…

WA-WOOM!

Suddenly, something HUGE flew down and hovered in the air, light shimmering around it, which soon vanished. Both Draco and the human form of Shin were before their sight, with the dragon holding Shin in his claws. Draco lowered Shin down to the ground, and Shin immediately ran over to Nick and Tchang, hugging them both.

"I missed you so muuuuch!" He bawled. It was almost scary to see him this sad. Nick hugged him right back. "Hey, relax, man. We're here, we're here." Nick said.

"It is good to see you again, my dear friend." Tchang said.

"You sacrificed a dead dragon to bring us here." Draco said. "And…it was your own kin…" He added sadly.

Shendu nodded, eyes closed. Hao spoke up. "That damnable imp…the one named Snizzi murdered him."

"I know of him." Draco said, touching down on the ground as carefully as possible. "As rough and harsh as the most violent of storms, as unmovable as a wild oak, as bitter as the biting winter, that is him to a "t". What can I do for you, my friends?"

"Well, we need Shin's help to get up into Heaven." Jade said. "He knows the Blessed Passing spell…"

"Yes, but in order…in order for it to work…" Shin said, stepping back, frightened. "You…you gotta DIE!"

They all looked at each other. They hadn't realized it before. Nick, however…

"Well…I guess…as Michael Fox in "The Frighteners" said…" He walked into the antiques shop. Then he came back out…with the gun he'd used fighting against Barubary back in NYC. "I gotta have an outta-body experience." He said, putting the gun to his head.

Instantly everyone jumped on him. **"WHAT ARE YOU, F--KING ****CRAZY****!?!"**

SOON…

Nick was tied up to a chair, grumbling. "I coulda done it…" He mumbled angrily.

"We need to find a PROFESSIONAL." Jade said. "Nick, that was reckless!"

"I wanna save the world!" Nick shouted, closing his eyes. "That's what I have to do! I started this…I gotta finish it!"

They all blinked. "What?" Jackie asked.

"The beating…of a single butterfly's wings…can cause a storm miles away." Nick said slowly. "Because I came here, I'm sure that…that all of this happened…I can feel it…it was like a chain reaction. I owe it…I owe it to everybody in the world to…to save them." He lowered his head. "If I get the bell working again, then I'll…I'll be able to make up for it…"

He looked up, sniffling. "Then maybe God can forgive me for all I've done…"

Hao sighed. "Nick, killing yourself would have resulted in you going to Hell…"

"Vigilante is right." Uncle said. "Only in the "case of Saul" is suicide acceptable."

"The blessed passing action of the spell I know causes you to die and go straight to Heaven. I only did it because I knew that if I went down to Hell, the forces down there would…would use me to hurt many people…so many people…" Shin said guiltily. "So I used Blessed Passing to go to Heaven, where I knew Hell couldn't get its hold on me!"

"So we need somebody to do a self-sacrifice in the name of protecting others?" Nick asked

"And we need to have somebody who knows this sorta crazy thing down pat, I mean, taking on Heaven is serious stuff…" Jade said. "Wait…Sandi, didn't you say you and Nick and Shin met somebody who was "the real deal"?"

"Oh yeah, that guy Dante!" Sandi realized.

"Yeah!" Nick exclaimed. "That's it! Dante can do it, though I don't know how we're gonna be able to get to him…I don't know the password for doing business with him…"

"Luckily for all of you, I happen to know…" King said. "The phone, please…"

MEANWHILE…

Dante grinned as he faced down a huge horde of marionettes, strange, patchwork demons that had currently taken up a good portion of a scared town. One rushed at him, snarling, holding a scythe-like weapon high.

Dante laughed. "I do like this sort of thing! Take a listen!"

He raised his gun. "The gun goes-"

BOOM!

The marionette demon fell down. But before he could get up, Dante was in his face. "And the bones go…"

CRUNCH!

The marionette literally broke underneath Dante's feet. Then the others gasped as Dante pulled out a weapon he'd recently acquired from a tool shed. "And the chainsaw!..."

He pulled the starter string and it got going.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbbbb…

But then it died about five seconds later.

"…hrrrm…" Dante grumbled. He pulled the string back again. The demons blinked at him.

PHBBBB…

He pulled it again!

PHBBBB…PHBBBBBB…BRRRRRRRRRRRRRBbbbbb…"

It died after 3 seconds. "**Hrrmmrmmm**…" Dante grumbled.

PHHHBBBB…PHHBBBB…PHBBBBRRRRRRRRBBbbb…PHHHHB…PHHHB…BRRRRRbbb…PHHBB…PHBBB…BRRRRRbbb…

"Aw, f—k it!" Dante said, rushing at the demons and slicing through them ANYWAY, despite the chainsaw blade's lack of motion.

"Some things never change…" A lady with long red hair that covered almost half of her head said, walking up to him. She put her own gun away. "I've cleared the houses. I see you've gotten the streets clean."

"Yep." Dante said. "Two minutes. Not bad."

"Ooh, yeah! Skies of blue!"

Dante picked up his cell phone. "Tony Redgra-oh! The password. What can I do you for, buddy? WHAT? Count me in! I'll be right there."

Dante closed the cell phone. "We've got a new job…"

MEANWHILE…

"Yeah…" Shin said. "Dante could do it, but I don't know how we'll be able to-"

Suddenly there was a HUGE explosion that rocked the neighborhood, and Drew burst into the antiques shop. "YO! You guys gotta help! This blue freak's blowin' up my neighborhood!"

"SNIZZI." Nick snarled. "Untie me, come on!"

"Nick, no. This time, let _us_ teach him a lesson!" Jade said, and they all ran out after Drew, leaving Nick alone with King, who sighed.

"I shall make some tea. Do you want any?"

"…**no**…" Nick said stubbornly.

"Hot chocolate?" King asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not in the mood. Sorry." Nick admitted. "COME OOOONNN! Untie me! In the name of Aslan!"

"...the finest treasures of kings, all of those precious things, they never tempted yooouu...so as you stood in the room, how could you dare to look on as they burned for you..." King sang, eyes closing slowly. It was CREEPY, a slow, haunting song.

"Uh...please stop...I normally like Icehouse a lot but..."

"The broken pieces of clay...and the palest eyes, painted in Trojan bluuuue..."

"Stop-stop-stop, freaking me out, freaking me freaking OUT..." Nick said, shaking madly.

"Then I shall make something to calm our respective nerves, child. Now keep an eye on the baby and yell if it cries so I may come and comfort it, the others should be back soon..." King responded with a light hiss.

ELSEWHERE…

"Come out, come out, little heroes! Come out and plaaaaaay!" Snizzi laughed as he raised his hands, urging the flames around him to burn higher and higher. The screams of people all around him made him laugh cruelly. "Don't tell me none of you are willing to fight against-"

"YU MO GUI GWAI FAI TE ZAO!"

KA-ZAP!

A green burst of energy struck Snizzi in the back. He snarled and whipped around, tail slicing at the air behind him. "WHO DARES…ah…it's all of you."

The Chan clan and company stood there, all in fighting poses. "It ends for you today, imp!" Jackie shouted.

"You will die for murdering our son!" Sandi screamed. "I won't…I won't forgive you!"

"You're gonna pay for all you've done, Snizzi!" Jade shouted. "Let's get him, everyone!"

Viper pulled out her guns and fired them off rapidly. Snizzi laughed as they bounced off of him. "ELECTRIC DASH!" In an instant, he was up in Viper's face, grabbing her arm. She struggled uselessly and he laughed. "Oh my dear, do you TRULY think you can-"

"Yo mo gui gwai…"

Snizzi suddenly thrust his hand forward at Tohru and Uncle, letting Viper go, as she jumped away. "I don't think so, wizards." He said suddenly, a biting tone in his voice. "BRING THE HEAT!"

A large fireball erupted from his hand, rippling towards them. At that moment…

Shendu and Hao leapt in front of it, both snarling and blowing fire. Their fire swallowed up the fireball and sent Snizzi flying back. He snarled as his talons gripped into the ground, smoke rising from his body as he got back up.

"You are annoying me!"

"FLYING PRESS!"

Paco and El Toro suddenly jumped on him from behind, flattening him. But just as they flashed each other a look of victory, his tail knocked them off, slashing them across the chest. He cracked his knuckles as he advanced. "You shall die for your-" He began.

Suddenly he began rising in the air and he blinked. "What the?"

Tso Lan was laughing, a frightening sound. "Behold my mastery of gravity!" Tchang and Dai both focused, and while Dai thrust his fist into the ground, sending a pillar of earth rising towards Snizzi, Tchang flung a mighty thunderbolt straight at Snizzi, who gaped…

Before taking off into the air, grinning as his tail wrapped around his leg slightly. The two attacks missed completely, and he grinned. "Did you forget? "Impy" here can fly…"

"SO CAN I!" Hsi Wu shouted, barreling into Snizzi and sinking his fangs into his back. Snizzi screamed, and the two tumbled to the ground, biting and screeching. Suddenly Snizzi's tail arched up, the blade glistening in the sun, aiming to add the red of blood to the red of the blade to make it turn black…

Suddenly someone struck an AXE into his tail! He screamed and shoved Hsi of off him, seeing who…Captain Black! And before Snizzi knew it, Jackie had grabbed him by his horns! Lifting him up, he threw him in the air, then jumped up and kicked him straight in the butt. The imp went flying, and Jade suddenly leapt up, headbutting him in the stomach. Both fell down, but Snizzi was gasping, in incredible pain.

Jade got up, dusting herself off. "It's OVER, Snizzi!" She said. "You can't beat us all!"

Snizzi stood up, coughing. Then he threw his head back, laughing, covering his eyes with one hand. "ME-MA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! MA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!"

Everyone was confused. "What does imp find so funny?" Uncle asked.

"Oh you poor, poor sad fools…" Snizzi managed to get out, finally ceasing his laughing. "Haven't you noticed something? Well, since your faces are so blank, I'll enlighten you: I haven't been using my full power!"

Everyone immediately felt a shiver as Snizzi's eyes became more slitted than normal, and his body began to pulse.

"Now…you shall see how strong I can truly be!" He snarled to the heavens.

Meanwhile, King had come back into the living room from the kitchen.

"Nick, I know you said you did not want any, but I made you some…hot chocolate?"

Nick was gone. The ropes had been badly tied. Baby Regent let out a string of snot bubbles from his nose as he pointed with his hand at the door from his crib, SOMEHOW able to understand that King wanted to know where Nick had gone. Sheesh, that was one smart baby!

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me…" King realized as he put the hot chocolate away, rushing out the door.

Jade gulped as Snizzi turned to her, now transformed. He was three times bigger than he'd been before, muscular and tough, his horns and talons thicker. He no longer had his gloves, though his red vest and scarf had gotten bigger. He now had two large, curved, crescent blades jutting out from his wrists, ready to slice into any prey nearby. His face was larger, longer, more reptilian and bestial. His fingers were slightly clawed, and his tail was thick, the blade larger and more scythe-like.

"I had to use this form on Drago in order to defeat him. His beating heart was worth it. And Azrael learned easily that I was far more efficient at killing HIM than he could have ever been at killing me." Snizzi said.

"So it WAS you!" Shin gasped. "I had heard about it from Raphael…somebody had killed the Angel of Death, and that was you all along!?"

"Of course. He was pretty tasty." Snizzi remarked, picking his teeth slightly with one of his blades. He then cracked his knuckles. "You can call me DEV when I'm in this form."

"Dev?"

"DEV. All capitals. Say it like ya mean it."

"Jeez, this guy is worse than Nick!" Drew groaned.

**"Say it!"** The demonic embodiment of the elements snarled.

"Fine, fine." Jackie said. "We'll say it."

"Now, WHAT'S my name?" The expectant demon asked.

"DEV." Was the response from everyone in a faked enthusiastic voice.

"Goooood! That wasn't so hard, was it!?" DEV asked, clapping his hands together. "You know, one of the tragic parts of having this form is I'm unable to pick my nose, and BOY it really _itches_…"

"…"

"….."

"……none of us needed to hear that…"

"Yep. He inherited Nick's powers alright…"

"Oh right! Back to the evil! Diiiiieeeee!" DEV snarled cheerfully (which sounded weird), thrusting one blade into the ground. Lighting flared up from the cracks that spread, shooting towards them all. Quickly they all ran or jumped for it, although Dai and Tchang were too slow, and Tchang simply absorbed it.

"You call THAT a move!?!"

Suddenly DEV was right up in his face, grabbing the back of his neck. "No, but THIS is." DEV said suddenly thrusting his wrist blade into Tchang's stomach over and over. Then he flipped Tchang up into the air and calmly raised his other hand, saying "DARKNESS HAND." A huge, clawed hand of darkness shot out from the black, glowing hand of DEV, which shot up and punched Tchang right in the wounded stomach. He then stepped back and grinned as Tchang fell to the ground.

He turned to the others. "And now for-"

"Tchang, drink this!" A voice shouted.

DEV turned around and immediately thrust out his wrist blade. SCHLUCK!

It struck Nick clear in the chest, as Tchang downed a healing potion Nick had brought. The youth let out a gurgling, bloody laugh as he fell back, blood oozing out from the wound. Everyone shouted.

"NICK!"

"NICK, NO!"

"Shin…do…it…" Nick gasped, as blood dripped from his mouth.

"Nick…I…I will." Shin said. He ran to Nick and drew a special circle around him, with symbols here and there, while DEV stood and watched, dumbfounded.

"Wh-why did you?"

"This…was…my…my choice. It's…about…saving…everyone…" Nick said. "Dante...he's got somebody doing the spell for him…and…" Nick turned on his side, and showed off that he'd brought his backpack with him. He reached out and grabbed the walking stick he'd brought with him, picking it up from the ground nearby where he'd dropped it. "And grandpa…is coming with me…"

WOOMP. Suddenly his body was gone, along with the stick and his backpack. They all blinked. "He's…he's…"

"He's up there…" Jackie realized.

UP IN HEAVEN…

"Well, I was telling Sariel just the other day…"

"Yeah, yeah?"

Two archangels were speaking to each other. One was Zaphiel, the other Remiel. Zaphiel had slightly metallic armor, and horn-like hair that jutted back from his head. Remiel had bright yellow hair that fell down around his face in rather thick locks, almost girly locks, really. He had a slightly androgynous face too, and wore an outfit similar to that of…

"Why are you dressed as "Pit"?"

"Because I told you, he's the shiznit. Word to all your mothers."

"…you can't speak black worth (Coo moos)."

"I know…" Remiel reluctantly admitted. "Hey, do you think Santa's a ninja?"

"WHAT?!?"

"He's GOTTA be a ninja. He has a secret lair, is able to sneak into houses without being detected…"

"Oh for the love of…I told you, you gotta stop watching "Ask a Ninja"…"

Suddenly there came into their sight two figures who were approaching the main entrance hall, the place where people first saw a true glimpse of Heaven's glory, just after passing St. Peter. They blinked as the two figures walked in, and gasped.

There, arms folded, was a man with white hair and a red jacket, with a large, demonic-like sword strapped to his back. He had a white and black gun and was twirling both, one in each hand. The other form was a youth with a walking stick that had a hard bronze end, and he was twirling it with one hand as well. The two walked towards the front door that led into Heaven's courtyard, which divided up on different paths.

"Remy" immediately leapt down with "Zap" and stood in their way. "H-hold on! How did…how did a half-demon and the Game Master-" Zap began.

Dante raised his gun and shot Zap in the leg. He fell to the ground. Remy gasped. "ZAPHIEL!"

"He'll live." Dante said. "You might not unless you let us by."

"…you know, somehow I think I've seen you before…" Nick said.

"I get that a lot…go on in, go on in!" Remy said. "Just leave me alone with Zap! I gotta heal him!"

Leaving the two alone, Nick and Dante entered the courtyard. It was filled with humans and angels. When both parties saw Dante and Nick, they all gasped or gaped.

"Afternoon." Nick said cheerily.

"Where's the recently deceased Mr. Finn?" Dante asked.

The humans bolted. The angels responded by rushing at the twosome, weapons drawn.

"The hard way, huh?" Dante said, drawing his sword, Alastor. "Alastor, you ready?"

"Let me taste angel blood!" Alastor hissed.

"Let's disco." Nick said, jumping forward and slamming his stick at on the closest angel, sending him flying into his partners right behind him. Nick's watch began to blare with music, as the battle got underway.

The title…was ironic.

**BGM: Furious Angels, by Rob Dougan**

Nick and Dante stood back to back as the angels creeped closer. Then both of them nodded, and rushed forward.

Alastor howled with glee as he was sliced through robe, armor, wing and flesh. Blood soared out from the angels, a lovely, glittering red. "Ha-ha-ha!" Dante said. "I've had harder times with DEMONS!"

That did it. Suddenly one of them grabbed him by the leg and tossed him through the air. He was suddenly being piled on in midair, punches striking his face over and over. It freaking HURT!

He activated his devil powers…partially. The shockwave of the result sent them flying back as a blood red aura rose from Dante. He raised his hands and Alastor vanished, to be replaced with two swords, one with a red face on the hilt, the other with a blue. Agni and Rudra.

"Ready to play? Good. You didn't say anything, you REMEMBERED this time, and here I was worried that it was all in one ear and out the other with you two." Dante said to his weapons, rushing at the angels, wielding both swords and slicing away.

Meanwhile, Nick had stuck his stick in the ground and was pulling off something very cool.

"WOOOOHOOOOO!" He shouted as he ran around and around, held up by his grandpa's walking stick, kicking angels as he went in a total circle. "THANK YOU, "MATRIX REVOLUTIONS"! I LOVE MOVIE PHYSICS!"

Finally he leapt into the air, drawing something from his backpack quickly while his stick was still stuck in the cloudy ground…two guns, the same model and type as the ones from his NYC episode!

BOOM, HEADSHOT! BOOM, HEADSHOT!

He dropped to the ground, holding them up at a tilted angle slightly, and then unloaded them into the other angels around him. All of them fell down. "Ha-ha-ha! I could dance all day, I could dance all day! Come on, try and hit me! Try! Tr-YEOOOWWW!"

A burning arrow had struck his shaking-in-victory rear, trying and succeeding in the attempt to hit him. He flew ten feet up and landed on his side, pulling the arrow out and tossing it away as Uriel dove at him, holding the bowstring back…

Then a stream of bats suddenly flew into his face and began biting him all over. He took off, yelling his head off as he did so. Wow, who knew he had such an irrational fear of being attacked on his face?

Nick stood up as Dante walked over to him. "The prisoners are kept in that building. Let's go." He said.

Nodding, Nick and Dante then walked "Reservoir Dog" style to the opening of the circular building ahead of them…as the music slowly faded away…

They then kicked the door open. Gabriel blinked as Dante and Nick faced him and Michael down.

"Bad boys, whatcha' gonna do?" Dante sang.

"Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you?" Nick also sang.

"I don't believe it…what the heck do you two think you're doing?" Gabriel asked.

"Where are the prisoners?" Nick demanded to know. "We need to see Finn."

"You can't. He's under OUR protection." Michael said, taking up a fighting pose.

"Dante, which one do you wanna take?" Nick asked.

"…I'll get blondie over there." Dante said, raising Alastor. "But by all means, you two can feel free to die anytime you get tired…"

Ignoring this little comment, Michael and Gabriel rushed at Nick and Dante, who jumped to meet them…

MEANWHILE…

"So he went up using a Blessed Passing to get some help, huh?" DEV asked. "Let me guess…it's related to the bell pieces."

"Like we'd tell YOU, a$$hole!" Jade shouted. And for once, Jackie didn't chide her.

"Such strong hatred! I'm going to have to…PUNISH YOU for that!" DEV shouted. He raised his hands to the sky and lightning struck all around them. Laughing, DEV advanced towards Jade as the others dodged the lightning bolts as best they could. She tried to jump away, but he grabbed her leg and held her up, licking his lips.

"You shall do well to satisfy my hunger, Jade Chan-"

Suddenly a strong blow to the back of his neck sent him reeling, dropping Jade, who rolled to the side. He whirled around, tail twitching angrily, snarling…to come face to face with Jackie and Jade.

"Jade…this is one time I DEFINITELY want you fighting alongside me."

"You got it, Jackie."

DEV laughed. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Now THIS is more like it!" He held his right hand above his head and grinned as a swirling orb of colors began to form. "You'd better hurry up and think of something fast!"

"Remember what I told you during our early training sessions? And what you told me?" Jackie asked Jade.

Jade blinked, then nodded. She understood. "Right."

DEV cackled as the orb flew up into the air. "Once this makes contact with the ground, every single person within a three mile radius dies…including YOU!"

"Remember, the chi goes out and through your fingers and toes…" Jackie said.

"Which then go up…" Jade said…

And then both of them rushed forward at such incredible speed…

"THE BAD GUY'S NOSE!"

KAPOWAH!

The two kicked DEV right in the snout at a 90 degree angle, sending him flying up, up, up…

Right into the elemental orb of power he'd sent up to come down on San Fran.

RUMMMMBLLLLEEEE….

He was completely encased in the elemental power. Shouting and screaming in pain, DEV reverted back to his form as Snizzi, who wailed as his flesh was torn and ripped open by the conflicting elements. With a horrible, deafening sound like a thousand cannonballs firing, the elemental blast exploded, sending off a blinding flash as Snizzi fell to the ground below, making a huge crater. He gasped in horrible pain as blood flowed freely from the thousands of opened slices and slashes on his body. It seemed that he'd broken almost every bone in his body.

"Thought…that the boy…would be the one…the one to beat me…so tired…so very tired…"

They all approached him and stood around him. "You have LOST." King said.

"Now with your death, we will avenge our son." Shendu said hatefully.

Snizzi began laughing, but then he coughed out blood on the ground, and had to lie on his side. "HA-HAAUUUKKKK…do you truly…truly think it is over? I…I admit I have lost. And…you, oh brave one…you, oh clever one…you two defeated me fairly…but…I…I am not your worst foe…"

"Well what force of evil has more power than you?" Jade asked.

Snizzi turned his head to look at her. "Why… the one who Xan calls master…the Grand Master of Hell…the Soul of the Devil. It's not…not going to be easy at all…facing him. And…you…you will die against him at the…at the strength you all are now…that's a fact…"

Snizzi suddenly began crying, laughing softly as he did so. They were all stunned as he continued to look at Jade. "Eh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…oh Jade…"

That laugh…

"That's Nick's laugh…"

"Oh Jade…so much, so many memories within me come from the one you know as a true friend…but there is more…deep down, there was, for the briefest of moments, a feeling…you…he wishes he…he had met YOU in middle school…for…"

He coughed madly, and then once he'd settled down, he reached up and held Jade's hand with his glove. She was amazed at how soft it was.

"And the moment I was struck down, I…I understood. There…there's more…more to life than…survival, than being…being the best. And in all this time…I…I never knew until now…how wonderful…it feels to live. Ironic that I wouldn't know until…until the moment I…"

Before he could say the last word, his grip grew limp…and he vanished away, fading before their eyes.

Jade blinked tears away from her eyes as Hsi put his hand on her shoulder.

"Too late he understood." Uncle said. "Understood the beauty of life. Such is the clarity death can bring…but we must put that aside. We still need the bell pieces…"

MEANWHILE…

Michael and Gabriel groaned as Nick tied them up. "Boy, that time in the Boy Scouts sure was helpful." He said. "I love these fancy knots…"

Suddenly Dante, who had reached the door to the cell, was thrown back and into Nick. Nick groaned and lifted him and Dante up as Raphael walked towards them, a stern expression on his face and his lance in hand.

"Raph, don't!"

"Nick, do NOT talk to me like that. I CANNOT allow you to go any further. I will avenge my fallen brothers. Now put down your guns, demon-hunter Dante."

Dante blinked slowly, purposefully. Then he tossed the guns down…

And the moment they hit the floor, they went off, hitting Raphael in the legs. He howled and collapsed on the ground, in massive pain.

"You're a DOCTOR. DEAL with it." Nick said, getting up and taking the lance away.

"Yeah, motherf—ker!" Dante responded as the two walked into the cells.

"Finn?" Nick said, calling out. Drago's posse, Drew's friends and the Enforcer's all looked up.

"Finn, do you still have the bell piece?"

"…no…" Finn said. "In fact, I think…"

"I've…got it…" Richard said, approaching the cell from the opposite end of the hallway. He tossed the bell piece to Nick. "Hewe! I heard you wewe missing it, so I went ta go get it!"

"…Richard, I…" Nick suddenly rushed to Richard and hugged him tightly. "I missed you." He whispered.

"I missed you too!" Richard said. "But you need it mowe than we do…you gotta westowe bawance, don't you?"

"Yeah, we gotta repair the bell."

"And I gotta do my pawt too, like Shin does!" Richard said. With that, he stepped back and waved goodbye. "I'll be seeing you awound, Nick! Take good cawe of my family and of Shin, okay? And tell them I said hi!"

Nick nodded and waved goodbye as Dante led him back out. "Come on, the exit's back at the front, we just need to find somebody to lead us back…" Dante told him simply.

"I can help." A voice said. A familiar, old voice. Nick turned to the side and gasped as Dante regarded this newcomer.

"You know this old man?"

It would soon be over. Nick thought to himself. Finally…it was all going their way…

And he couldn't wait to get back.

"Hi Grandpa." Nick said tearfully, rushing forward and hugging him tightly.

MEANWHILE…

"The book is almost ready." Xan told the Grand Lord, bowing. "Shall we…begin the operation?"

"It's time. We cannot have them interfering, and they certainly would interfere…cast the spell and get the Lord Demons ready and moving. And this time…you had BETTER NOT FAIL."


	50. When the World Ends, Pt1

**CHAPTER FORTY-NINE**

WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, PT. 1

"There is a problem." Uncle said as he looked over the bell pieces.

All of them had gathered up the bell pieces in the backyard of Uncle's Rare Finds and were anxiously hoping to put the bell piece back together. The demons were all in mini-demon form, and Nick had recently come back down from Heaven. But now Uncle's announcement made them gape, gasp or growl.

"Explain, billy goat chi wizard!" Shendu said angrily. "After all the effort we put-"

Uncle whacked him on the head with his usual two fingers. Shendu growled as Sandi held him back slightly.

"Bell can only be put back together with spiritual power…the power of the one who originally broke it."

Nick sighed. "Well, I guess that means it's up to me, right? I gotta clean up my own messes…"

Then something happened that shouldn't have. The sky turned blood red, the clouds became pitch black, and every window shattered. King barely acted in time, raising his hands and shouting "PROTECTJA!"

A shield of shimmering blue, with white sparkles shimmering around it, appeared above everyone, shielding them from the falling glass, which dissolved upon hitting the shield. Nick gulped. "That's…that's not good, is it?" He asked.

"No…it's not…and it's a good thing we got here in time!"

They all turned and saw Vassago and…Barbatos?

"The Lord Demon of Greed? What's he-?" Shin asked.

"No, no, this is the TRUE Hohenheim." Vassago said. "He was in the 1st circle. He and I came up to warn you, I was the one with the information, he was the only one who could get me up here, so we made a deal."

"What info?" Nick asked.

"The Book of Ages…it's almost restored to its normal form!"

"JESUS BLOOMING CHRIST!" Nick screamed. "Oh please tell me you're not serious!"

"Boy lost Book of Ages while in Hell? AIYAAAAHHH!!!" Uncle shouted, tearing his hair.

"It gets worse. The Lord Demons are coming up here with all the Hordes of Hell. You've got to get moving and stop them before they carry about their plan!" Vassago told them. "Me and Hohenheim have made portals up that will take you to each Lord Demon's main bases, if we run, we'll be able to get there with some time to spare…"

"But the bell!" Jackie said.

"I can fix the bell." Nick said. "You guys got a train to catch…a train called destiny!" He said melodramatically. "Go kick ass while I fix this thing!"

And as they all rushed off, Nick smiled. "Give 'em Hell down in Hell, guys." He said. Then he turned to the bell and cracked his knuckles by intertwining his fingers and flexing them forth. "Now then…"

He spread his hands out and aimed at the bell. "Focus, Nick…focus…"

Bit by bit the bell pieces began to shake. One piece flew up slowly and hovered in the air. Then another piece fit neatly into it a few moments later. This could take a while, and he didn't like puzzles…but he had time.

He hoped.

ELSEWHERE…

Vassago and Hohenheim had indeed made up portals to Hell's main war bases. It was just a matter of who was going where…but that was soon solved easily, and Vassago and Hohenheim agreed to watch over Baby Drago, or Regent, as it were, so all seemed easy enough…

JACKIE, SANDI AND SHENDU:

The trip down into Hell meant falling headfirst into a blood red portal, tumbling down a flight of brown stairs and landing hard on the earthy red ground below. Before them was a huge doorway…and all around them were sleeping demons.

Shendu tossed Jackie a look of "STAY QUIET" with an undercurrent of hatred as Sandi carefully tiptoed to the door and opened it for them. They slowly walked inside, then closed and locked the door behind them.

There, sitting in a chair before them, was a familiar, very evil, childlike face.

"Hellooooo…" Satan said, rubbing his hands together. He giggled in a fashion that reminded Sandi of a gremlin. He really was a little brat! "It's been so, so long since I got to play with anyone. I have to admit this…I ENJOYED fighting against you, Mr. Chink. But unfortunately that feeling has to, as they say, take a backseat to business. Still, all work and no play makes Satan a dull boy…"

Satan hovered in the air on his wings, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "So let's get the business aside. First of all, I'm going to whittle you down, all three of you, bit by bit. I play rough, you see. What can I say, it's what a boy does! And then once you're really weak, those doors you thought you locked will come flying open and my hordes can have a snack…with you as the snack!"

Jacklie gulped. "AAAUUUHHH!" He exclaimed.

"That's right, It's a trap, LOSERS. The Grand Lord saw that Vassago was feeling sympathy towards the boy and all of you, and he arraigned things ahead of time. Your friends will encounter similar traps, probably. And all I had to do was wait for you to leave your chi signature, and once your health is low enough, that signature on the door vanishes along with any locks on the door. Ingenious, huh? A trap of your own making without you even knowing it!...wish I could take credit for it, but Mephistoles thought it up. Still, he's an old fogey, and I'm going into a monologue, so…"

He raised his hands and began giggling in that freaky fashion again. "LET'S PLAAAAYYY!!!"

Shendu immediately spat fire at Satan, who swooped away. Jackie rushed to the side, then kicked off the ground, aiming his foot for the little brat's head…but Satan was quicker, grabbing his leg and throwing him right into Shendu after twirling him around for a few moments.

Shendu HAD been grinning at the sight of Jackie going "AAAAA" while being whipped around, but the grin was gone as he shoved Jackie off of him. "Nobody knocks Jackie Chan down but ME!" He snarled, going into his full demon form. Satan laughed. "Now this ought to be interesting! But let's choose someplace better for a fight…"

He clapped his hands, and suddenly all of reality exploded, as they were suddenly on a floating platform in space.

"Cliché, yes, but MAN it's so fun to knock you guys off! Ha-ha-ha! Time to die, loverboy!" Satan laughed, dive-bombing at Shendu…

"INSTANT KARMA!" Sandi shouted, thrusting her hands forward and focusing.

Instantly a frying pan summoned from midair struck Satan on the temple, sending him spinning off course and past Shendu, clear off the platform. Shendu sneered as Jackie breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to Sandi. "So much for being-"

Satan suddenly rose up, growling and glowing purple. "THAT…WASN'T…NIIIICE!" He snarled, thrusting his hands forward as they surged with twisted energy. Shendu quickly activated the speed and the levitation powers within him and went flying through the air, aiming to punch Satan, while Sandi spoke quickly with Jackie.

"Shenny can't hold him off forever! We need a plan, and fast!" She said as Shendu was grabbed by the tail and promptly slammed into the platform over and over by a madly giggling Satan.

Jackie nodded. "I have an idea. He is still a child in his mindset, and a naughty one as well…"

Sandi blinked. "So…what should we do?"

"You can distract him, Sandi. You just need to think like he does for a moment..."

Sandi nodded as Shendu was let go over the platform. He collapsed on the ground, groaning as he tried to stand up, using the Horse talisman power as best he could, but that just wasn't doing enough. Satan laughed as lightning flashed around him.

"Aw, you're no fun! I'm going to break you waaay too easily-"

"Hey Satan!" Sandi shouted. Satan turned to look directly at her. "Guess what? Chicken butt!" She said, turning around and pulling her pants down, mooning him.

Satan saw her tighty-whities…which were PINK…and began laughing madly, covering his eyes with one hand. He was laughing so madly that he didn't notice Jackie walk right up to him, kicking him square in the stomach. He groaned and fell back down into the abyss.

"He's gonna be so PISSED!" Sandi said as she and Shendu took up a fighting position. Shendu licked his lips. "My sweet, once this is over-"

"Once this is over, you can look at my panties all you want, but right now we have to beat this brat!" Sandi said.

"OOOOH!" Satan snarled, rising up again, murder in his overly bright eyes. "That was a dirty trick! I should have known you'd fight dirty! Well I'm going to break every single one of you lousy toys!"

He snarled and rushed at them with such speed it was incredible. Sandi was barely able to jump back as Shendu and Jackie tried to hold him off, but Satan's punches were too fast, too hard, and he kept breaking through their defenses, landing hard hits on their chests and stomachs. Suddenly a huge blow decked both of them to the ground, and Satan raised his hands again, glowing with purple light once more.

"This time, when I kill you…stay dead!"

"MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, YOU BRAT!" Sandi shouted angrily, pointing at him. And before he knew it, the Ouroboros had appeared behind him, snapping its jaws…

And the two halves of him fell to the ground. He gasped in pain as the Ouroboros slithered over to Shendu and Jackie, helping them up. Satan let out small gasps as his eyes turned to them.

"But…I wanted to win…" He whimpered.

"…you brought this on yourself." Jackie said. "Bad day…for demons."

"…it's always been bad days for me…" Satan said quietly. "Nobody ever wanted to play with me…I tried you know, I tried to play the games I used to, but…but nobody wanted to play those with me…they threw them away along with…a lotta other stuff…"

He was fading slowly, disappearing bit by fleshy bit from the feet up. "I…had to play nasty games…and then they started growing on me…I…should have…should have stuck with…with what worked before…should have played with myself…maybe even…an imaginary friend? If I'd done that…maybe I…wouldn't have been unhappy…"

"Nobody wanted to do what they'd once done up in Heaven?" Jackie asked. "Why?"

"They never…told me. I…just…wanted to have fun like I used…like I used to…was that wrong?"

And with that, he vanished. Shendu blinked his eyes slowly. "…I don't think I've ever encountered so piteous a being as that one."

"…I feel sorry for him." Sandi said. "If he'd just had one friend who was willing to hang out with him…"

Jackie nodded. "I know…Sandi, can the Ouroboros transport us back home?"

HSI WU, JADE, HAO

The passageway down into Hell was a strange elevator ride. The annoying part was some strange Reggae music was playing that you could only like if you had been struck over and over in the eardrums. Once they piled out of the elevator and walked towards the chair at the end of the large hall that the elevator had stopped at, they could feel it…there was a Lord Demon behind it, and not just any Lord Demon…

Lillith, Lord Demon of Lust.

"Aww, how quaint! A future one night-stander and an odd couple coming down here to see ME!...heh-heh-heh. I knew you'd be down here sooner or later…"

Suddenly the elevator behind them collapsed into the ground in broken shards. "Uh oh." Jade said. "Uh…this is a trap, isn't it?"

"Smart girl. Now then…" Lillith clapped her hands and searchlights blinded them all. Once they were turned off a few moments later, they saw they were in the middle of a huge canyon.

"The Grand Canyon?" Hsi asked. "No, this is a facsimile…"

"Correct." Lillith said. "Now enough talking. I despise your little love affair with Jade Chan to tell the truth…I hate love, I hate you, I hate all that sentimental CRAP! So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to break your arms, then your spirit, and then I'll make you all kill each other. Jade'll first kill Hao, then Hsi will tear her throat out, and then, in the ultimate act of betrayal, we'll make sweet tender love over her-"

Before she could finish that twisted thought, Hao had transformed and had belched fire at her. "B--CH! DIE!" He snarled. "I shall feast upon your rotten corpse!"

"Wow, who knew he inherited some of Shendu's edge?" Jade asked as she and Hsi Wu took up battle poses.

"EDGE? How's THIS for Edge?" Lillith said, stepping free from the flames and slashing at them with her claw-like fingernails. Jade and Hsi barely managed to dodge in time, but Hao went flying back, blood dripping from his chest. "That hurt…you little!" He snarled belching fire at her again.

"Uh oh, he's losing it." Jade realized.

It was true. The stress of being a vigilante, of losing his brother and of being tricked into a trap was piling up, and with the added frustration of not being able to burn the b--ch witch, he was REALLY getting lost in a bloodwrath.

"Come on little boy, you'll have to do better than THAT to take down a big, strong woman like me…" Lillith purred, rubbing her stomach seductively. This only served to infuriate Hao more.

He raised his hands and dug down into the earth below them, ripping up a piece of the "canyon" and throwing it at Lillith…who cut it down in an instant. Now totally lost, he snarled and hissed as he tore up chunk after chunk, throwing them at Lillith, who was now blocking and whacking them away with one hand, while she did her lipstick with her other free hand.

But then suddenly someone grabbed her leg and flung her into the air. As she tumbled around, dropping her lipstick (too bad, it was a nice purple color), claws tore into her body over and over. She managed to knock the attacker away and growled as she landed deftly back on the ground below, glaring up at Hsi Wu.

"Why you annoying little lovesick fool! That's-"

BAM!

This time the chunk of Earth that Hao threw hit her square in the head. She went flying towards the Canyon…

But re-righted herself right in midair, laughing. "Oh sweetcakes, you're gonna have to work harder-"

KA-SMACK!

A flying kick to the face. CA-CRACK went some teeth and cheek bones as Jade Chan successfully showed off her foot-to-face style to the Lord Demon of Lust, who went falling off the edge of the canyon, falling down, down…

"Phew." Jade said, breathing a sigh of relief as Hsi flew back down to her and Hao, who was calming down some. "Glad that's over…"

"IT'S…NOT…OVER…YET! I'M…NOT…READY…TO GO! JADE…CHAN!"

Suddenly the canyon was hit by a HUGE earthquake that sent them flying all around as a HUGE form rose up from the canyon. "JADE! CHAN! DO! YOU! THINK! THIS! IS! OVER! JADE! CHAAAANNN!!!"

It was Lillith…only now her skin was pale, her golden hair blood red, her eyes shining light unholy lanterns…and she had two moon-like scythes for hands that intertwined with her skin in a twisted, bloody fashion.

"Man, she is one UGLY chick!" Jade said.

"DIE! JADE! CHAAAAAANNNN!!!" Lillith shouted as her pale hair whipped and twisted around her like the snakes of Medusa. She swung her scythe-like hands down, and Jade barely managed to roll out of the way. Hsi flew up at Lillith's face to claw her eyes, but the hair grabbed him and began crushing him.

"GGGG-GGAAAAAHHHKKK!!!" He gasped, trying to claw his way free to no avail. Then Hao had an idea.

"Jade, get her attention again! Get her to swing down at you once more!"

"Got it!" Jade said. "Hey you witch! You're so ugly, the only role you could ever play on TV is "Alf"!"

"WHY YOU-"

"You're so ugly, you haven't gotten any since the Bay of Pigs!"

"DIE! JADE! CHAAAAN!" Lillith snarled, thrusting the moon-scythes down again. Jade rolled out of the way once more…

And Hao leapt up onto her arm, running quickly up it…

And blowing flame right in her face. She screamed as the flames spread quickly, burning fiercely and bright. She immediately dropped Hsi Wu, who flew down to Jade and lifted her to safety along with Hao. Lillith began shrieking and screaming as she crawled out of the canyon to lie down on the ground, shrinking slowly and slowly…

Soon she was back to her normal form…but she was grey-colored now, and was dissolving into black ash.

"I lost? But…I'm too beautiful to die…"

"Well you did have really nice hair." Jade admitted as Hsi flew her and Hao down. "But really, you're just to mean! Who would ever wanna date you!"

"I used to have lots of people who wanted to be with me…I only wanted one…but…heh…"

"But what?" Hao asked.

"He…was too young at heart…I know he could have made himself older in form, maybe if I had just asked…but I was…I was scared…"

"Of what?"

"That he would say no, that he wouldn't love me the way I did him…that it would end one day…so I stuck to being the "Aldonza" of Hell, even though…even though I could have talked to him then. Oh Satan…"

Jade gasped as a tear went down Lillith's face…landing on a lock of her hair. "I'm sorry I…I can't see you one…more…time…"

The moment the tear touched the hair, it turned into a beautiful golden lock, as the rest of Lillith's body dissolved into ash. Jade reached down and picked up the golden lock as the canyon around them vanished, returning to the appearance of the hall they'd been in before…only now the elevator had been fixed. She fingered the golden hair for a moment, then blew it with a single breath. It went flying through the air, twinkling into the darkness, vanishing.

"…let's go." Hsi Wu said. "I don't like this place very much."

"Yeah, it gives me the creeps." Jade agreed.

TSO LAN, VIPER, SHIN

"Oh my. How interesting." The Moon Demon remarked.

The portal to Hell had taken them to the middle of an island…with a large rowboat before them, and an even larger boat far off in the distance. The island they were on had a single tree, with coconuts hanging from it. "I believe…that the only way to go is forward." He said.

"Into the rowboat it is, then." Viper said.

"…something isn't right…" Shin said. He trembled. "I…I'm worried…"

"Don't worry, I am here." Tso Lan said comfortingly. "You are my close friend, Shin. I shall not allow anyone to kill you."

"Well sheesh, what about me?" Viper wanted to say, but she squelched it. It was probably not a good idea to snap at the Moon Demon, since he might snap back.

They piled into the boat, and Shin and Viper began rowing. As they passed over the calm waters of the ocean around them, Viper asked the question that had been bugging her since the moment they had seen the rowboat: "How come you don't fly us all over?" She asked the Moon Demon.

"Oh, I COULD, but…" He raised one clawed hand, and a coconut came flying off the tree, whizzing over the ocean…

And it was sucked in with a "SCHWOOOP", like a vacuum. Viper gasped. "Wow. High-tech security."

"This boat is charmed. It's the only thing protecting us from the ocean's spell. Does that answer your question, human?" He asked with a condescending tone.

"…yeah." She said. "How come you're so _cold_ most of the time?"

"…emotions are dangerous." He said. "I try to act only based on what is logical and what benefits me or my family. Yet…I must admit, when that boy is around, I…I feel young again. I am sure the others feel the same way."

"You actually **care**? Why?"

"…I don't honestly know. Perhaps it's only a selfish desire that makes us like him, the desire to feel happy like we used to be…that feeling of happiness is within me when I see him, speak with him, "hang out" with him…perhaps that is why we like him so much. Yet…that feeling we have, that joy…it was present back when he first spoke with us, so…"

"So the reason you hang around him is because you care about him, the same way he cares about you." Viper said. "Sounds like you've got a conscience after all."

"…hmph." Tso Lan said. "Don't flatter yourself into thinking you've got me figured out, human. It is true that the boy may be the only thing preserving what you call "our conscience", and I have a feeling that if we had not met him, our lives would have been very different indeed…but it is not that simple…there are other reasons why we are more…mellow now…"

"Like what?"

"As fascinating as this conversation is to me, I believe we are here." Tso Lan told them as they docked at the island and stepped off onto it…

Just as she came out from the jungle. Leviathan, in human form, grinning and showing off her alligator smile.

"Hey there, hi there…" She pointed at Viper. "Ho there!"

Viper immediately whipped out her pistols and aimed that at Leviathan. "Care to say that again?"

"Ooh, I am SO scared!" Leviathan cackled. "Well you should probably know that I planned this all…"

She adjusted her alligator bracelet on her wrist and the rowboat they'd used suddenly went flying into the air, breaking into a million pieces on the island far away. "Nothing quite like a good trap! Now then, you get to be my snacks for today. I will enjoy this quite a bit…"

She transformed into her serpent form and bared her teeth, her coils twisting. "Who should I start with?"

Suddenly Tso Lan rose in the air, thrusting his hands at her. "Behold my mastery of gravity!" He roared.

Suddenly Leviathan flew up into the air and Tso Lan, if he could have, would have grinned in triumph. Instead he chuckled evilly. "Things look very grave for you indeed!"

"Normally yes…but what flows around you now is under MY control!" Leviathan laughed as her eyes glinted. Suddenly the ocean rose up from behind Tso Lan, forming a construct, a golem-like creature who's fist that slammed into the back of his head. He went flying and hit the sandy ground, infuriated and very bruised. He whipped around and saw Shin was running behind a tree and Viper was emptying her clips at the ocean construct, which was making a very rude sign with its hand.

Tso Lan flung his arms wide and trees launched forth from the island, slamming into the construct…and going right through it. It began laughing along with its master. "THAT'S the best you've got, "o master of gravity"?! HA-HA-HA-HA! Your powers are so worthless with you using them! Once I eat you, I think I'll take the power for myself and put it to better use…and maybe I'll use that nice girl's form to seduce your brother Dai to my side…"

Tso Lan's eyes widened.

"Oh, you don't _like_ that?" Leviathan whispered, and suddenly she sounded FAR too close…and with good reason! She'd snuck up behind him and was now grabbing him with her coils, crushing him. He screamed in pain as the Lord Demon of Envy chuckled evilly. "Oh don't tell me **this** is all you have!" She asked.

"YOU…**_STAY AWAY FROM HIM_**!" He managed to howl out.

"And if I say "no"?" She hissed, crushing him tighter, tighter.

"THEN YOU ANSWER TO ME, YOU B—CH!" Viper snarled, throwing something from her belt. It struck Leviathan on the top of her head and the explosion that resulted made Leviathan drop Tso Lan in shock as she squirmed away, twisting and turning. "Why you little witch! Slut!" She snarled. "I'll eat you alive!" She rushed at Viper, opening her jaws…

Suddenly a huge, clawed hand grabbed her neck and Leviathan turned her eyes up to stare into…a deathly white draconic mask, with blood red eyes…the God Killer himself.

"You hurt my friends. _Nobody hurts my friends_. Change back into your normal form right now and I'll spare your life." Shin growled furiously.

Leviathan spat on the ground. "Don't you kid me! You haven't got the GUTS to-"

His claws dug into her scales, piercing her and making blood flow. **"I SAID, change BACK."** He demanded again in that deep, rumbling tone. The ocean construct dissolved the moment her blood touched the ground. Leviathan whimpered and nodded slowly, changing back into her human form, even though Shin still kept her pinned with his claws.

"Good." He said. "Now then…tell me…you envy Lillith, don't you?"

"…yes." Leviathan admitted. "She seems to get all the guys…she has everything, I…"

"You're a fool. She doesn't really have them. Even I could tell…she's just a slut who can't find a true love to be with, so she takes comfort in as many one-night-stands as possible. You were so busy being jealous of her you couldn't see that."

Leviathan said nothing as Shin continued to speak.

"Envy…heh. The angels were envious of humans and demons for having free will and souls. Envy…how often have people envied the power that I had? I didn't even really want the power…but now I see that I can use it to help the ones I care for. And look at you. For all your strength, you still envy others. You're so pathetic."

Leviathan didn't even look up.

"Wasn't there something you wanted, even ONCE in your life, besides the act of being someone better than you?"

"I'll never get the answers I want anyway, why should you care?!?" Leviathan suddenly snarled and snapped her fingers. The entire ocean rose up around them. Shin gasped and let go as he ran to pull Viper to him, to try and protect her.

"HA! Now you will all drown within-" Leviathan began.

But she never finished it.

Calling on her shamanic talent, Viper shouted to the heavens as she held the tooth necklace up…

"COME TO ME, ANUBIS!" was the cry. "Come on, don't be shy!"

And from the ground before them, rising up in purple haze from the ground he came, the jackal-headed god Anubis, bowing deeply before rising to full height.

"You call. I answer." He said. "And this witch shall not claim thy lives!"

He raised his clawed hand and chanted, and the earth around them rose forward, cancelling out the unbelievably high ocean wave as it struck right through it. Leviathan gasped as Anubis turned and glared right at her with a twisted, grim smile. She was next.

"I will not be claimed by you!" She snarled, stepping back. Anubis kept smiling. "You will-"

Suddenly four clawed hands drew her from behind and she heard an ice-cold voice with fingers to match cut through her. "Oh my. Escaping? This simply will not do."

Before she could even scream, Tso Lan's pincers clamped onto her head, then thrust her into his jaws. Right before Viper and Shin's eyes, Tso Lan gobbled her down slowly, like an praying mantis feeding on its mate. Bit by bit she was drawn into his mouth, down his throat, until finally her feet went SCHWOOP. With a mighty gulp, he swallowed, then rubbed his belly with his larger hands, eyes slitted slightly in ecstasy. "Delicious." He remarked.

Viper let out a single "ew" as she hopped down. Shin reverted back to his human form and ran for the trees, vomiting. Anubis shook his head in a solemn motion, then vanished back into the ground in that purple haze.

The good news was that the ocean had sunk back thanks to Anubis's work, returning to normal. Now they could go home, but…

"Now how are we going to get back?" She asked. "The portal back home is on that other island and our boat is-"

Tso Lan burped, then floated up into the air. "Master of Gravity…remember?" He told them. "And this time Leviathan's spells over the ocean are gone, so…I hope you don't get airsick." He added, and Viper was sure she saw the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

EL TORO, PACO, TCHANG

"Whoever I will face now, I shall smite him." Tchang boasted as they walked through the strange library that was their battleground. The portal to Hell had led them straight to the door to this library, and El Toro saw something coming up ahead of them…a huge desk with an old-looking demon at it…Mephistoles.

Mephistoles turned around and adjusted his mask, then calmly tapped his claws together in front of them all. "I was expecting you to show up. The trapping plan I developed worked like a charm, I daresay."

"Trap?" Tchang asked.

Suddenly the door behind them shut, and all the lights went out. El Toro, Paco and Tchang got into fighting poses as Mephistoles's laugh echoed throughout the room. They all turned and twisted around as the faintest brush of motion moved by them, but we unable to actually SEE anything.

"How can you hit what you cannot see?"

"I grow tired of this!" Tchang remarked. "Come out into the open and fight!"

He was promptly rewarded with a clawed slash to the back of his neck. He fell to the ground, snarling and clutching at his bloody wound as Mephistoles chortled again.

"FINE…then I end it the hard way." Tchang said. He stood up and raised his hands, and lightning split from his palms…

Not…illuminating…the area around them.

"How in the!?!" Tchang gasped.

"_Quuuue_?" Our favorite masked wrestlers asked.

"Hoh-hoh! Ha-ha-ha! You idiots. I've developed a special kind of darkness spell for just such an occasion."

"Explain, you old fool!" Tchang demanded angrily.

"It's very simple. This kind of spell absorbs light the moment it's presented. Better still, it slowly drains your soul from you…of course, I can't be harmed by it, since I'm soulless already! Once your soul is gone, you'll be my personal slaves, and I'll have you help me out in the shower!"

They all immediately shivered. That was a fate worse than death!

"We need to think up something, some way to beat him without light." El Toro said.

"And HOW are we to do that, human!?!" Tchang snarled. He was losing his patience, this little trick of the Lord Demon's had pissed him off.

"A wrestler sometimes has to fight in strange circumstances, and furthermore, he also knows techniques that will aid him in the defense of justice." El Toro said proudly.

"El Toro Fuerte knows all of the greatest moves! He IS the greatest!" Paco said.

Tchang blinked. Why the heck were they bragging so much?

"A masked wrestler can use ANY surroundings to his advantage." El Toro told Tchang out loud. "This old man's tricks do not scare El Toro."

"Oh don't make me laugh! Ho-ho-ho, you think you're-" Mephistoles chuckled.

Suddenly El Toro lashed out hard with his knee, and suddenly a blinding flash showed, revealing, in a strobe-light kind of effect, Mephistoles on the ground, panting and wheezing.

"Without fancy gimmicks and tricks, you are weak as a baby goat." El Toro said.

"…that may be…may be true…" Mephistoles said, getting up as the light faded once more. "But you still have no way of seeing me! I can-"

Paco groaned. "Oh, you talk waaay to much! El Toro is the greatest because he is the strong, silent type. Ladies LOVE the strong, silent type."

"Why you little whippersnapper! I'll have you know that I can look like an ADONIS if I want to!" Mephistoles ranted. "Why when I was your age-"

This time PACO lashed out. "Half-Nelson with a Full Hitch!" He said, suddenly rushing forward, grabbing onto a form hidden in the dark and putting him in a headlock, squeezing hard. There were some cracks of bones and muscle before Paco let go and Mephistoles was once more revealed.

Now Tchang understood. For all his wisdom regarding spells and such, he lacked the common sense not to get carried away in conversation.

"You know, you really are pathetic." Tchang said. "I, the incredible Tchang, have accomplished far more than you!"

Mephistoles was shaking with rage. These three were humiliating him! But he wouldn't fall for this trick again!

"If you think you can defeat me with a simple trick like THAT, you have another thing coming!" The angry old man said.

"Before leaving me, the great Raiden taught me a very useful move…" Tchang suddenly whispered to the two wrestlers "Grab onto me, NOW" and they complied. "BEHOLD!" Tchang shouted, raising a claw to the sky.

"LORD OF SEARING THUNDER!" He proclaimed. And with that, an ENORMOUS bolt of electrical energy suddenly split the area around them, firing off from Tchang's claw. It enveloped the entire area like a rock-hard shockwave of lightning, and El Toro and Paco had to close their eyes to keep from being blinded.

When it was over, they opened their eyes…

Mephistoles was on the ground, groaning and dissolving into nothingness, bit by bit, as light returned to their sight.

"I…thought it would work for sure…" He said. "Brain is supposed to triumph over brawn…" He said.

"What you didn't know is that we're much more than brawn!" El Toro said. "A masked wrestler nowadays has to know STRATEGY as well!"

"We heard that you were far too confident in your intelligence." Paco said. "So we came up with a plan in advance to make you drone on, easy to find, and it worked!"

"And of course, what you failed to realize is that your knowledge is limited, Mephistoles." Tchang said. "You didn't know anything of the present, of the time I had been freed from Hell so recently. If you HAD known, you would have been able to stop their plan. Your foolish half-knowledge, that you pride yourself on so much, was your downfall!"

"Not…possible…not possible…" Mephistoles said, standing up. Suddenly they saw the dissolving had stopped.

"He's…" Paco gasped. "What's he doing?"

"He's _willing_ himself to stay…arrogant old man!"

"I won't gooooo! Have a taste of this, fooooools!" Mephistoles howled, ripping off his mask…revealing a mask-shaped hole, showing dark ooze within. Suddenly, in a chilling move, hundreds of bats burst forth from the ooze, dripping and screeching. "SOULLESS CHARGE!" He screamed at them as the bats rushed forth.

"I tire of this." Tchang said, unfazed. "Do you two not have any shamanic talent to-"

El Toro and Paco held up their gift, the crown. "QUETZALCOATL!" El Toro roared. "COME NOW TO OUR AID!"

WA-WOOSH! With a blinding blast of sunlight, the very fabric of reality seemed to shatter like a broken mirror around them. They all gasped as the mighty winged serpent rushed at Mephistoles and the oncoming bats, maw open, eyes glittering. "Perish by my righteous jaws, evil one!" He snarled.

And with a horrible screech, the bats, and Mephistoles, were crushed. There were some horrible squelching and popping noises, with the "cra-crunch-crunch" of Quetzalcoatl's jaws, and then all was quiet as their flying ally turned around and bowed before vanishing in a cascade of glittering emerald plumage that fell all around them like a downy snowfall.

"Yay!" Paco said. "El Toro, Paco and Quetzalcoatl…"

"AH-HEM." Tchang growled.

"...and Tchang Zu…are the greatest!" Paco exclaimed.

"Let us leave." El Toro said. "I am-ooh, is that "Don Quixote"?" He asked, reaching out for a book on a nearby shelf and picking it out. "I LOVE Don Quixote!"

"You like reading, El Toro?" Paco asked.

"Cervantes is my favorite writer." El Toro admitted.

Tchang rolled his eyes. "Fine, take the book with you! Mephistoles won't be needing it anymore…"

Meanwhile, Nick groaned as he tried to lift the piece up with his chi energy again. So bored, so bored. How he hated puzzles. But every time he thought about anything other than fixing the bell, he lost focus and the piece he was lifting would fall down, which had happened about eighteen times now. How long was this going to take?

"I hope the others are having fun, because I'm sure as heck not." He mumbled.

A moment later, as a result of him thinking of how much he'd rather be fighting instead of doing this sorta thing, the bell pieces all fell apart.

"FRACK IIIIIT!" Nick screamed as he banged his head on the wall, utterly frustrated. "Not AGAAAAIN!"


	51. When the World Ends, Pt2

**CHAPTER FIFTY**

WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, PT.2

BAI TSA, CAPTAIN BLACK, VALMONT

"You're not my type, not my type, not my type…" Valmont said over and over in his head.

The reason he was saying this was because they were all squashed together in a mining cart that was riding down, down into an underground kingdom of sorts. This portal to Hell was odd. And also, Bai Tsa's butt was rubbing up against Valmont's. It felt like a sponge filled with water.

Captain Black noticed they were coming to a halt. "Alright, who do you think is down here?" He asked.

The moment they stepped out, Black had his question answered by some arrogant laughter and the sight of many, many piles of food, half of it looking rotten and reeking of…of well, of trash. Worst of all were the flies. They were practically EVERYWHERE, flying around, dive-bombing our little group, the "wheeeeeerrrrrrrrr" noise of them flying around elevated to the volume level of a jet engine.

"What, you don't like my little friends?" Beelzebub asked as he…well, waddled forward. He was smoking a cigar. "How about the cigar? Check out the fancy label: "Aroma del Baño".

"…you never took an ounce of Spanish in your entire life, did you?" Valmont asked with an obviously condescending tone.

"Ooh, is my pronunciation of it that good for somebody who never took it?" The Lord Demon of Gluttony asked, not understanding the tone one bit.

(For those of you wondering what that cigar's flavor is, go to Google.)

"You're disgusting." Bai Tsa said. "Absolutely DISGUSTING. I HATE gluttons."

"Is that why you gave your sister a weight loss book for Christmas?" Captain Black asked.

"Well I can't help it, she used to sit on-"

"HELLO?!?" Beelzebub snarled. "Big, scary demon over here! Now come on, fight me! I like my food worked up before I chow down!"

"Oh shut up! We're having a conversation here!" Bai Tsa snapped. "She used to sit on me when I got on her bad side…"

"HEY! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!" Beelzebub snarled again.

"Oh _shut up_!" Bai Tsa shouted again.

"Maybe you should listen to him." Valmont said.

Beelzebub sighed happily. Finally, they were-

"My reply to you is the same as it is to him…NO!"

"You wanna START somethin'!?" Valmont asked angrily, rolling up his sleeves.

"I don't START a party, I CRASH it!" Bai snapped.

"And **I** don't eat me chips in a lorry when the vicar's _pushing a pram __**'cross the SQUARE!" **_

"AND I DON'T-wait…what's a lorry?"

"Think of a bus."

"You know, it probably would take five bus trips and a plane ride to get on THIS guy's good side." Captain Black joked. Bai Tsa actually GIGGLED, and Valmont chuckled. "Funny!" He admitted.

Well that did it. Beelzebub drew his shotgun. "Black Beauty, sing for me!" He growled, and they all ducked to the side as an explosion of flame and unholy ammo shot the area they'd just been at into little pieces of ground.

Captain Black's mind raced as he hid behind a huge pile of pork, ham and other pig products. Think, he thought. THINK! There had to be a-

There was a way. He knew who could help them. He took out the little Kokopelli figurine and put the whistle to his mouth, blowing.

A piercing "WA-WOOOO" echoed throughout the cavern. Nothing happened otherwise…

Save for the fact that Beelzebub had heard him and was towering over him. "Ha-ha-ha! Looks like I've got room for a BLT…a Black, lettuce and tomato sandwich! SNACK ATTACK!" He shouted, rushing down, maw wide open…

BA-BAM!

Suddenly he was kicked clear away from Captain Black and sent flying through several stalactites, landing in a large pile of fruit. When his head popped up, he had several pineapples, bananas, grapes and cherries on his head and looked like an overweight, male Carmen Miranda.

And the one who had kicked him away? A stick-like figure of pure black, with hair jutting back from his square head, with a flute in one hand-less arm…Kokopelli the Trickster Spirit.

"Hello there!" Kokopelli said, his voice filled with an infectious bouncy tone. It was like everything was a joke to him. "You're the one who called me, shaman boy? Ooh…shaman baldy."

"Er…I'm shaved, not bald?"

"No you're noooot!" Kokopelli said, tapping on Black's head. Black growled, then admitted that he was, in fact, bald. Kokopelli laughed. "Hee-ha-ha-ha-ha! Don't worry! I'm still gonna help ya, that's what I do after all. I've got a duty! So…" He twirled his flute. "What shall I do for you?"

Bai Tsa and Valmont meanwhile, were now under attack from Beelzebub, who kept firing at them with his shotgun. But they were fast, especially Bai Tsa, who moved fluidly, like the river itself, and Valmont kept jumping around like a monkey! The Lord Demon of Gluttony decided to try a different tactic…

He held up his cigar and took a HUGE breath. Then he put the cigar away and opened his mouth. "SECOND DEGREE!" He hissed as the smoke oozed out, rushing towards them…dissolving the ground! Instantly realizing how dangerous this was, the Water Demon and the British bazillionaire ran off together, heading for a huge pile of food and climbing past sandwiches, roasts and kegs of beer. But the ground around them was sinking into the smoke, and Beelzebub kept laughing.

Suddenly Kokopelli, who had been speaking with Black, came up with an idea. "BAI TSA!" He shouted. She turned her head. "QUENCH HIS THIRST!" He shouted.

Bai Tsa blinked…then understood. "Throw me." She said to Valmont, who gaped.

"You want me to WHAT?" He asked incredulously.

"Throw me at his face. His mouth. NOW!" She demanded.

Not wanting to become fish food or worse, he picked her up by her tail and, with all his strength, spun her around and around before throwing her at Beelzebub…

And she went right into his open mouth. Black and Valmont gasped. "Oh my LORD, what did I just?!-" Valmont murmured.

Beelzebub began snickering, licking his lips. "Ah, nothing quite like a tall lady of wat-ER?" Suddenly he began feeling odd…what the? He couldn't breathe…water, water everywhere, filling his lungs!

"NUUUUUHHH!" He gurgled. "GEEEDD OOUUUUGGHHH!" He spluttered as he clutched at his overly thick throat. But Bai Tsa did not stop. Higher, higher, water was pouring out of his mouth, and Beelzebub's eyes rolled back into his head as he hit the ground, dead as a roasted dormouse in one of the many piles of food he had. Bai Tsa slithered out of his mouth, returning to normal form, brushing herself off.

"We never, EVER speak of what I had to do. To ANYONE." She said sinisterly. "Or I strangle you while you're sleeping and feed your body to my pet octopus."

"I can live with not saying anything." Captain Black.

"Oh, yes! Absolutely!" Valmont said in the most kiss-a$$ tone he could muster. Satisfied with this, Bai Tsa turned to Kokopelli, who had walked over to her and Valmont with Black. "Thank you for the idea…" She admitted. "But couldn't you think of a better way to kill him besides that?"

"Possibly…but that was more ironic…and FUNNY! Hee-ha-ha-ha!" Kokopelli laughed as he turned back into the figurine that Black pocketed once more. Bai Tsa mumbled something under her breath about how much she hated everyone in that moment and then they returned to the mining cart, which took them back to where they'd been, ignoring the laws of physics completely as it raced upwards. Boy, isn't magic great?

DAI GUI, DREW, TOHRU, BELPHEGOR

Our foursome's trip down into Hell through the portal was oddly uneventful…it was just a long, red path down to a big, dark forest. As they reached it, they noticed that the bark of the trees were black and the leaves the color of the blood. There were strange pink flowers hanging down from them as well.

"…Dai Gui does not like this place." Dai said. "Nor does Dai Gui like those flowers."

"I've never seen any flowers like THOSE." Drew said. "And my mom's got eighteen bamillion pink flowers of every different breed of them in her garden…"

"Father, do you know what they are?" Tohru asked Belphegor, who approached them.

"These look an awful lot like Totema flowers…" He said, holding them carefully in his large, clawed hands. "A breed of flowers generated from demons who take up a guardian role of nature…those kinds of demons punish humanity with zest and zeal for things like…oh…carving initials into trees or cutting branches down for trees…"

"Overkill, then." Drew said. "But wait, what kind of Lord Demon deals with that? Maybe one of the girls?"

"No, this isn't their style. But you shouldn't approach them, they…" Suddenly he realized in that moment that HE had approached them, and that he'd walked into a trap. "RU-" He tried to scream out a warning, but too late, the flowers suddenly popped off like lightning and smothered him all over. He tried to pull them off, Drew and Dai and Tohru tried as well, but no good…and then he collapsed.

They heard laughter and turned their heads. Dai snarled as the shimmering image of Xan appeared before them.

"Totema flowers…they knock out their victim quite nicely, don't you think?" He said. "Don't bother rushing forward to crush and eat me, BROTHER DEAR…" He added, seeing Dai's fury. "This is just an image I am projecting with magic. The real me is far, far away. And you're in a bad spot right now…"

"What's THAT supposed to mean! All you did was knock him out! And where's the Lord Demon we're supposed to face?" Drew demanded to know.

Xan shook his head. "Idiot. Don't you get it?"

Suddenly Tohru realized. "It's a trap…Belphegor…he's the Lord Demon we must face…"

Xan nodded, a big grin lighting up his face like a kid at Christmas. "Quite. Totema flowers also repress any happy or "good" feelings, squelching the light energy within a being. Your father's influence is gone. All that is left is Belphegor…"

They heard breathing from behind them. Thick, heavy, hot breaths on their necks. "And it looks like he's angry for being disturbed. Ooh, did I do THAT? Ha-ha-ha-ha!" And with that, Xan's image vanished. The others turned around and came face to face with a very angry, furious, bestial Lord Demon of Sloth.

"YOU…WOKE ME UP…YOU DIE…I KILL!" He snarled. "I'll kill you all! You can't let me sleep so you gotta keep me up!?! I'll kill you all for this!"

"RUN!" Drew shouted. They all promptly took off in different directions, panicking.

Belphegor promptly took off after the nearest one, Drew, while howling angrily. Luckily Drew was much smarter than the Lord Demon of Sloth. He ducked beneath a tree branch and dived into a nearby bush, waiting for Belphegor to pass. Once he did, he carefully snuck out and pulled the tree branch back, then called out.

"YO! H-X-C!"

Belphegor turned around. "WHAT?!?" He snarled.

KA-THWAP! A super-hard Totema tree branch hit him in the face, sending him flying back, tripping over tree roots and landing in a thorny bunch of bushes.

"Yo-yo-yo, B boy, that s--t's for **real**, motherf—ker!" Drew proclaimed, doing some appropriate posing for each proclamation of how much ownage he had. "S--t! B--ch! F--king a$$ and blat-blat!"

BAM! He was promptly owned **himself** when Belphegor kicked him through the air. He landed on a tree branch and hung their on his stomach. When Dai Gui saw him, he began snickering.

"Heh…heh-heh! Oh look! Merry! Where is Pippin?"

"Shut the f—k up!" Drew snarled. "Just get me down!"

"Okaaay…" Dai said evilly, and he promptly punched the tree. It collapsed on the ground, and Drew groaned as he stood up, rubbing his sore body all over. Dai kept laughing, but Drew stopped him with a single question…

"Where's Big T?"

Drew suddenly saw Tohru running past them. He shouted and ran after him. Dai just blinked. Why were they?...

Wait…the fat one was running away…and the funny-talking one was going after him…that meant…

2 2 suddenly equaled 4 in his head as Dai Gui figured it out just before Belphegor tore out of the nearby bushes to grapple with him. The Eastern Demon of the Earth and the Lord Demon of Sloth began an intense match as they tried to push each other down, each gripping tightly onto the other's shoulders and digging their claws in.

"KILL…YOU…YOU WOKE…WOKE ME UP…ME KILL!" Belphegor said, mouth practically frothing.

"I am the immortal Dai Gui! You will not defeat me, worm!" Dai boasted.

Someone had to give.

Someone had to give.

Luckily, there was Tohru with a plan…and a sumo wrestler SLAM! He jumped right behind Belphegor and began squeezing. Between Dai and Tohru, it became quickly visible that the Lord Demon of Sloth was about to lose. His eyes were closing slowly and he was gasping in pain. "Keep it up!" Drew said, emerging from behind a tree, cracking his knuckles. "He'll-"

"He'll…he'll die if we keep this up!" Tohru realized. "I…I can't kill him, he…he…"

"He's not your father anymore!" Dai snarled.

"So…tired…" Belphegor said. "So tired…"

"Ha-ha-ha!" Oh no, not Xan again. He appeared in that shimmering image once again, snickering, brushing his ponytail off his shoulder. "That's right. He's going to die if you keep this up, and that means your father…what is LEFT of him inside the Lord Demon…dies as well. Do you have the cruelty to kill him?"

Dai growled hatefully at Xan. "You killed mother…you killed mother…" He said. "If you were here, Dai Gui would eat your BONES!" He roared, letting Belphegor go and rushing at the image, diving through it vainly. Xan laughed.

"Stupid, stupid ox! There's nothing you can do!" Xan laughed.

"Actually…" Drew said, sneering and holding up his charm. "There is! I called in for some help!"

Belphegor blinked. "Wh…whuh?"

Xan gasped. "No! It's not possible, I had everything planned…"

"TAG, B--CH!" Anansi the spider said, snapping his clawed fingers before vanishing by jumping far into the darkness above. The image of Xan become frozen, and Belphegor suddenly shuddered heavily as a grey smoke began to swirl around him, filling him up. And then he collapsed on the ground, panting, struggling to his feet, but falling right back to his knees. But this time…

"Tohru?" He whispered. "私の息子？それは本当にあなたですか?" (My son? Is that truly you?)

"はい...そうです." (Yes. It is.) Tohru said back, holding the two of them, Belphegor's body, his father's soul, trying to help him up. They could all now see the faintest, most basic outline of a human hovering over the Lord Demon of Sloth…Tohru's father.

But the two shook their heads, pushing Tohru's hands back. "はい...そうです." (I am leaving now.)

Tohru gasped. "No!" He said in English. "Bekarazu! Bekarazuuu!" (Do not! Do nooottt!)

But the body and the soul were fading away even as they stood up and Tohru's father became clearly visible, messy hair, a large, muscular body, and a big, cheery face. He had Tohru's ears and nose, and his big smile most of all. He embraced his son.

"あなたの母の注意を払って、右(私の息子)を食べてください!" (Take care of your mother and eat right, my son.)

He noogied Tohru's head, laughing as he turned to the others. "Thank you all for stopping me from hurting my son. And you…Drew. You have my thanks especially for letting me say goodbye as a free soul, not as a beserker. Arigato."

Drew knew that meant "Thank you." He bowed respectfully, as did Dai. And with that, the ghostly image of Tohru's father vanished. Belphegor groaned slightly.

"I think I…I want to take a nap…because I'm so sleepy." He announced sleepily. He rubbed his eyes and then rested his head on his hands, curling up, his bestial face looking much more peaceful now. "Nighty-night…maybe I'll dream something…good?"

And with that, his body faded like Tohru's father did. Tohru clenched his fists and lowered his head. It was impossible to read his eyes, they were shadowed, though his mood was plain: tears flowed down his cheek to drip…drip…drip upon the ground.

Dai said nothing at first. Then he turned to Drew. "I think we should leave this place." He turned back to Tohru and nodded. "Come. We can mourn somewhere besides this place of death…"

Besides…there were too many flowers.

Then they noticed something flying around from where the two now-faded forms had been...

Fireflies...dancing around in the air, they landed on Tohru and sat there, glowing on...off...on...off...and then gently, one by one, vanished into the trees, dissapearing.

Tohru tried to smile...and surprised himself by succeeding.

XIAO FUNG, UNCLE, PO KONG

"Uncle cannot believe he is forced to partner with two demooons!" Uncle complained.

"Well WE can't believe we're forced to partner with a billy goat!" Xiao snapped right back.

"I can't believe I'M the one who has to interject with a word of wisdom: SHUT UP!" Po Kong yelled.

The trip down to Hell for them involved something odd…they had gone through the portal and found themselves walking down a red carpet into a HUGE mansion, whose main entrance hall they were now walking through.

"This has GOT to be Barbatos's place." Xiao said. "Look at all the paintings of him, the statues and-"

They all stopped. There was a fountain. Guess who was blowing water out of a place I cannot tell you of and into a pool below?

"Yep. That's him." Po Kong remarked.

Uncle was turning green, so they moved on into an open room where an organ was being played. The song was "Phantom of the Opera." When they took a good look inside, they noticed how CLEAN it all was. The floor was glass, you could see yourself and the ceiling above you, and the ceiling was like some sick Sistine Chapel with demons and devils replacing all the figures. Blasphemy!

And guess who was at the organ? The one who wheeled around, showing off a fancy cape, a white mask and a tuxedo?

"Hello!" Barbatos said. "Like my mansion?" He asked, throwing off the mask. It skittered on the floor as Barbatos approached them, cape billowing despite the lack of wind.

"Where are your soldiers?" Uncle demanded.

"…look below!" The Lord Demon said, pointing down.

"Do not play duuumb! There are no-" Uncle looked down, and his eyes widened. "HOT-CHAAAA!" He yelled. Xiao and Po looked down as well and they gasped. Demons, demons EVERYWHERE, climbing all over each other, horns, scales, tails, fangs, wings, the lot! All snarling and spitting and jumping up, trying to reach the glass but unable to.

Po leapt into the air and landed in Xiao's arms…but even though both were in mini-demon forms, Xiao was still unable to hold her, and he fell to the ground with his sister on top. She climbed off and he groaned.

"Okay, here's how this goes down." Barbatos said. "I have to fight you or I die. And I don't wanna die." Barbatos said. "I want to rule, so I'm going to have to kill you all, but…I do have a sense of fair play…"

He held up three pairs of dice. "See these? They're enchanted…LOADED, you could say. They all roll 6's, and the floor beneath you cracks open and you fall to your messy death. But if you beat me before that happens, you can walk right out of the mansion. The dice will roll themselves every time we all make a move…and once one of them reaches a 6, it stops and freezes. So…good luck!" With a laugh, he tossed the dice up and then took up a fighting pose as the dice began to swirl around in the air. "Make your move!"

"We have to be careful." Uncle said. "Strategy is what we need!"

"But he's the Lord Demon of Greed! He's tricky!" Xiao said.

"But he's also greedy, remember? That means he can be rash…" Uncle said wisely. "We need to-"

"Talking is wasting your time!" Barbatos said. "KIYAAA!" He leapt through the air and thrust out his foot. They all barely dodged in time as he slammed into the glass floor, causing it to rumble, but not crack. The die all rolled…a 5, a 2 and a 4. No sixes.

"Can demons distract greedy one while Uncle comes up with plan?" Uncle asked.

Po Kong and Xiao Fung sighed. "We will just have to trust you, chi wizard." Xiao admitted. "But think QUICKLY!"

"Indeed. Now then…" Po Kong took her full demon form along with Xiao and they both roared. Po slammed her claws down onto the ground, trying to squash Barbatos, who elegantly danced away, laughing. Xiao took in a deep breath, then exhaled, using his wind power. Barbatos growled as he was slowly blown back into the wall.

"You're very annoying!" He admitted. Then he saw the dice and grinned. "Oh look! One of the dice rolled a 6! Better hurry uuuuppp!"

Oh no! A 2, a 6 and a 4…two more dice to be rolled! But Xiao wouldn't give up. "I'll keep him pinned, you finish him!" He said quickly before blowing again, but that momentary lapse had given Barbatos ample time to run. He whipped towards them, clapping his hands.

"MIDAS TOUCH!" He shouted, slamming his hands into the wall. Golden fists suddenly shot out from the gold walls around them, pummeling them. The dice rolled again…2 and a 1. No sixes.

Uncle rubbed his chin. Think…think! Was there any way to defeat an alchemist user? There had to be some-

There was.

Po Kong and Xiao Fung were now being pinned to the ground as Barbatos laughed. The dice had rolled, and one had rolled a six. "Ha-ha-ha! Now all there is-"

Uncle rushed forward, cracking his knuckles. "Come get a piece of Uncllle!" Barbatos gaped. What the?

BA-BOOMP! He was struck right between the ribs. Barbatos blinked. "Uh…go away." He remarked, punching Uncle far back. He calmly walked towards Uncle, raising his eyebrows. "What do you think you're doing, old man?" He raised his hands and clapped…

Nothing.

"What the?!"

Clap-clap!

Still nothing.

"WHAT?!? What did you DO!?!" Barbatos snarled. "Why can't I use my alchemy!?"

"Uncle has disrupted your chi flow with proper martial arts." Uncle said. "Rendering your ability to cast alchemy useless."

Barbatos's mouth was so wide open you could have fit an elephant into it. Finally he closed it and sighed. "I lose."

POOF! The dice vanished. Barbatos returned to the organ. "Without my alchemic powers, I wouldn't be important at all…the only reason I got them was because Hohenheim passed them onto me out of pity because I allowed him to live comfortably among those of his kind down here. I…I felt sorry for your kind, I always have, so I'd do favors…and then when he gave me his powers, I…I was overjoyed! He allowed me to copy them perfectly, and I realized I could use them to gain everything I ever wanted. I got more power from the Grand Lord when I was recognized as a Lord Demon for my might, but I wanted…wanted to be up there. In the human world. Hohenheim always talked about how wonderful it was, and I wanted to have everything that mattered. Money, power, family, friends…everything. Now I have nothing."

He slowly lowered his hands down to the organ. "Go out the entrance of the main hall and you'll be taken back to San Fran. Master Xan will be here soon to punish me. But I won't let him. I'm bringing down this house and me with it."

They felt like they should say something, and yet nothing came to mind. Finally they left one by one as Barbatos began to play the organ. The walls cracked all over, pieces of plaster and ceiling came down all around. Every mirror and glass broke, and Barbatos would just not stop playing that song…the song "Edelweiss". Finally the entire house collapsed upon itself…

But the music echoed on…and on…and on…

MEANWHILE…

"Come on! Come oonnnn!" Nick growled, brow furrowed in frustration as he moved the pieces of the bell together bit by bit at a slow, so, so slow pace. When he heard a noise behind him he leapt into the air, shouting "WHAT!?!"

The others were all there, raising their eyebrows. "What's with YOU?" Jade asked.

"Oh no…you have still not completed the Bell of the Heavens!" King groaned.

"Yeah, well you guys are done, right?" Nick asked, irritated. "No more Lord Demo-wait…where's Belphegor?"

Tohru looked away. Nick gasped. "Oh…oh God, I'm so, so sorry…" He whispered. He looked down at the ground. "Xan had something to do with it, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did…and one more thing…" A voice said. They all turned and saw someone emerging from a hell portal…Lucifer.

"Your opponent, Nick…shall be ME!" He said, leveling his sword at him, face looking stern. "I've been waiting to fight you and now I will finally get my chance to shine that I so deserve!"

"Fine…" Nick said. "But I want some help." He said. "I can't do this all on my own!"

"I know. You're no Superman." Lucifer finished. "Even though I'm better than him…"

"You know, what's wrong with you is the same thing that's wrong with Bill Gates." Nick said.

"Well what's that?" Hsi Wu wanted to know.

"You know what the difference is between God and Bill Gates?"

"What is it?" "Lucy" asked, willing to humor Nick.

"God doesn't think he's Bill Gates." Nick answered.

Understanding that Nick was saying that both he and Bill Gates had over-inflated egos, Lucifer "harrumphed". "Who will help you, decide already!"

"King?" Nick asked. "Think you could-"

"I will happily aid you." King said, bowing.

"Let me help too!" Vassago said. "Hohenheim's alchemic powers now are similar to chi manipulation, he can work on the bell piece while I crack this guy's skull with you."

"Very well." Lucifer said. "But we fight…HERE!"

He thrust his sword into the ground and suddenly all but Hohenheim of Light vanished into a swirling orb of light that zoomed into the sky. Hohenheim adjusted his glasses and said one thing: "Kids today…"

It took several moments of eye-rubbing and blinking before they all realized where they were…on a platform floating near Heaven, high above the Earth. Vassago and King took up battle poses while Nick pressed the "costume" option on his watch, changing into his martial arts uniform.

"Shall we dance?" Lucifer asked. "I will not lose to you, but I enjoy a good test of my abilities anyhow."

"One question." Nick asked.

"Shoot." The Lord Demon of Pride said.

"What's your relationship to the Devil?" Nick asked.

"I am…the Body of the Devil." Lucifer said.

Vassago rushed at him, swinging his sword with all his might, intending to cut right through his head like a hot knife through butter. Lucifer raised his other hand time and the "CLA-CLANG" rippled through the air as the wind howled around them…the armored hand had blocked the sword strike. He then grabbed the sword and flung it and Vassago away and before Vassago knew it, the Lord Demon was up in his face, delivering an armored fist to the Prince of Hell's cheekbone. Vassago went flying back, but luckily Nick caught him.

King thrust his clawed digits forward, shouting "HOLY!", not wanting to take any chances whatsoever. Brilliant white orbs whizzed around them all, suddenly rushing down and converging right on Lucifer, forming a huge, domed explosion that rippled out and caused a minor shockwave to be felt as pillars of light struck the dome to add further injury to the Lord Demon.

King grinned. "And that is the way we do things magus style, my fine armored-"

"Hmm…didn't hurt that much." Lucifer said, emerging calmly from the smoking crater, brushing himself off. His armor was all blackened, but he shook the soot off, then crouched slightly on the ground before rushing forward and slicing, sending an air-wave attack that knocked King back before the magus could summon a protective spell.

Nick gulped. Oh bloody hell. He had to take this guy seriously. Before Lucifer could raise his sword, our hero rushed forward, fist raised and punching Lucifer right in the chest armor. The Lord Demon of Pride was knocked back a few feet, but Nick kept on attacking, punching and kicking, even though the Lord Demon of Pride kept ducking and moving around.

"Stand still, you freak-a-leek!" Nick shouted angrily. His headband suddenly whipped forward and grabbed Lucifer around the head, spinning him rapidly. Nick saw his chance and began striking him over and over and OVER, spinning him around more and more until finally he kicked him away and Lucifer fell down, all dizzied up.

_Look, I dizzied up the girly-man! _

Nick laughed at his own joke. Lucifer stood up.

"Let me guess: Goo Goo Dolls joke? Dizzy up the girl?"

Nick's eyes bugged out. "H-h-HOW!?!" He asked.

Lucifer grinned. "You're the "WHY" kinda guy, aren't you?" He asked, raising his sword again. He twirled it in one hand and grinned. "You know, you practiced being able to twirl swords over and over in the backyard, remember?" He rushed forward, slicing at Nick, who barely dodged in time, getting a knick on his leg. Lucifer pointed at him. "And you shouldn't take me lightly at all! After all…"

He put his sword away and before their very eyes took off his helmet, smiling broadly at them all.

"I **AM** you." Lucifer said. And though it was older, more matured…the hair, the eyes, the smile, the face that stared back at Nick was his own.


	52. When the World Ends, Pt3

**CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE**

WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, PT. 3

"JESUS CHRIIIIST!!!" Nick howled, eyes and mouth wide. His hands instantly went to his mouth right after, trying to keep from screaming but only succeeding in muffling what roared out, a loud "NOOOOOOOOO" of shock, horror and confusion.

Everyone else was stunned. Vassago brushed a lock of his hair back while King and Shin blinked slowly. Uncle's glasses had fallen clean off his face. Tohru just stared. Jackie went "AWHHHH", mouth wide open, and Jade went "Woah". Tchang looked from Lucifer to Nick. Po scratched her head while Dai crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side slightly, trying to make sense of it. Shendu and Sandi just looked at each other while Valmont looked at Nick, then at the two lovers. Hsi Wu raised his eyebrows up, tail twitching. Tso Lan rubbed his chin with one hand while Bai Tsa put her hands on her hips. Viper twirled a lock of her hair, confused. El Toro and Paco were muttering something to each other in Spanish, and Captain Black pointed with his finger towards Nick, then Lucifer, unsure of what was going on.

Finally, Xiao spoke, who'd fallen flat on his butt in shock.

"So…you're a villain in this world?!" He asked.

"Wh-whaaaa?! No, no, no!" Nick protested. "I'm no villain!...am I?" He asked.

Lucifer sighed and put the helmet down. "After your brother died in that accident, you became filled with a divine sense that you had to make the world a better, safer place, a happier place. You became involved in politics. You became the youngest elected congressman in New England, then in time…you ran for presidency. And you won."

"I…WON?!"

"If you wish to know the truth, as of this time period, you're currently gaining attention and will win the representative seat in the house soon, in about two weeks. I intend to make sure that happens. You see, I'm your future self. What WILL be…at least, in this world. It was easy to come here to your time, just like where you were tried, just like in Heaven, just like in Hell, my world in the future cares little for the concept of "time". The word barely exists."

"So…I become president?" Nick asked, not really caring about how time had no meaning to those who weren't mortal.

"Yes, in a landslide. You see, you pledge to make the United States safer and withdraw our troops from overseas all over. You dismantle our nuclear weapons, you get America more socialized than ever before, and you pass many laws to make sure that our roads are safe, that people are taught to drive properly all over, and best of all…"

"Do I fix the environment?" Nick asked hopefully.

"Yes, with the aid of other countries. You have the USA swallow its pride and we signed the Kyoto Protocol. All this in your first term. Then at the beginning of your second term, you get to work on the economy, social security, Medicare…you're on a roll. I should be proud of myself, 1st Horseman, and with good reason!"

"First horseman?"

"Yes. The one who brings peace. The white rider who comes to conquer."

Gasps echoed all around. This meant…

"Nick's the ANTICHRIST?!?" Shin gasped.

"Only because somebody killed you. Killed me. Killed US, I should say." Lucifer admitted. "You were stabbed by a religious fanatic, killed with a sword because…well, they thought you were the antichrist. And it was because of that that the Devil took hold of you and brought you to life so that you could become his soldier. You were resurrected and in the future that shall come you are supreme ruler, second only to him, the Soul of the Devil, who is meant to rule the world."

"Funk that crunk!" Nick said. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you had no other choice." Lucifer said. "Your will was weak, you felt so betrayed, being killed because of your own kind, ended by your Religon's prophecies…well, it came true…but in a way nobody could have forseen. Mankind doomed itself."

"…I would never, EVER become someone as evil as you, who allows all this suffering to happen."

"Don't you understand?" Lucifer said, putting his helmet on. The two began to circle each other. "In the future as I rule, I make sure all are equally treated. All beings are subject to the same laws with no exceptions. All beings are equal, and I make sure all enjoy themselves as they wish. They are free to do whatever they want. And when the End of Days comes, they will happily do as I ask of them, for I've done nothing but help them and grant their every wish. Everyone will be free, equal, happy and content! Isn't that what you want?"

Nick suddenly hesitated. He…he DID want a world where people were happy, content, free and equal…but…but somehow he knew…

"No…that's…not right." He said, shaking his head. "I want that world…but the way you would do it…its wrong! Your method of getting things done has been twisted by evil! I want people to be free, but not so they can live under someone who's a TOOL to the most evil thing in the freakin' UNIVERSE! The intent is what matters, not the means, and your master's intent is evil! No matter what "good" you may do, your boss's ultimate goal is wrong…"

Nick took up a fighting pose. "So if I gotta beat myself up fifteen times over in fifteen different worlds to stop YOU from happening…I will! It's just the right thing to do!"

The other demons were surprised, save for Shin, Vassago and King. King smiled happily. Shin beamed. Vassago chuckled and took a puff on a cigarette he had, looking proud.

"You would give up ruling the world?" Shendu asked. Then Lucifer saw his chance. "And what if YOU could rule?" He asked, pointing at all of them. "Come forward, power of dreams…show them what could be!" He sang out.

All went white as a blinding light shot forth from his fingertip at the demons…

SHENDU

Power, power…so much of it!

I rule over all of Asia like I did once more!

All are subservient to me!

Chan and his stupid family are long digested, I am finally, finally alone to rule!

Wait…my family?

I turn to the nearest slave, asking for any news on them. What family? He replies.

"You've always been an only child."

But…but I…

I…I don't need them! Now I'll just go to Sandi. Slave, where is my darling?

What do you mean, I'm single? No queen? No…Sandi?

But…

But I…

I love her-

And all became white.

HSI WU

Ahh, it feels GOOD to be emperor of the skies.

Ruling from above, making people stand in line for two hours to go on roller coasters…although I let them pig out on all the carnival food they want for free…feels nice, very nice. And I keep my enemies eyes in mason jars, make all my harem girls pose naked so I may draw them, take baths with the finest vanilla bath and shower oil…Nick was right, this stuff is just lovely, it…

Wait…Nick?

Where is he?

He's…not here in my journal I have…no mention of him. And…my family is long dead?

…and…

And she is not…

This is not what I want. I want Jade. I want Nick. I want my fam-

And all became white.

DAI GUI

An underground kingdom, all for me!

Dai Gui is pleased! At last, peace, quiet, solitude. I can hear the song of the earth…

I lay down and allow it to embrace me like my mother's-

Mother? She's here! Oh mother, I'm so glad you're-

I…hear her…I hear her saying something. Mother, what?

Not real? This isn't…

But you…I want you back! I want you to stay!

No, don't go! Come back, please!

Not real…and Mother is-

And all became white.

TSO LAN

All…is perfect.

I own my own mansion. I live all alone.

No more fights, no more annoying do-gooders running after me.

I'm finally alone to have all the time in the world to relax, read and concentrate on my magic-casting. And after I'm finished reading this book, "A Grief Observed", I think I shall have some wine. Maybe some chardonnay, or port or merlot or-

Hmm. Actually, some apple juice would really hit the spot. I remember once, heh-heh…

Yes, we were at Nick's house, and he slipped and spilled Dai's apple juice into the air, but I floated it right back into the glass. Their eyes went wide as saucers. Oh, that was a moment-

Where is Dai?

Dai?

…Dai?...

I'm alone? I…

I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm tired of that, and of not feeling much of anything, it's…it's so dull, it makes me so miserable-

And all became white.

BAI TSA

Come on, everyone! Who wants to pound my vag? Who wants access to Boobville, population: two?

HA! You can't! THAT, my friends, is a GATED community! And for everyone but my babe Sky Dog, that's restricted access!

Ha-ha-ha! Oh Xiao…eat your heart out! We're having so much fun in my Atlantian palace! Oh, if only Hwang could see me now! I'm so happy!

Oh, the picture! I'd been looking for that! Look at those details, the sunset, the facial expressions! Isn't it just the most beautiful-

What? Hwang is looking at ME now…

You…you're saying this isn't real?

It's not real? But…it feels real, it-

Wait…where are the others? And why can't I remember our wedding together, honey? What-

And all became white.

PO KONG

Oh…this…mmph! This is…

SNARF-SNARF-SNARF! Ogghhh yaaahhh…thid feebs gub!

GULP! Tohru-san's letting me eat all the sushi I want off his naked body! Ohhh BABY! I've never been happier! Married to a man who loves as food as much as I do, and who can swallow almost as much sausage!

And he doesn't even mind this sort of thing, even though he hates fish…all in the name of love! Ooh, this is wonderful! Pass the sake!

What the? My reflection? I'm…slim! And I'm a blonde?! And…fancy clothes? WHAT?

… that's not me…

I like being the way I am! I hate fanciness and being "pretty", it's so…so FAKE! So shallow!

What's going on?! What-

And all became white.

XIAO FUNG

Ah, this feels good.

A kingdom filled to the brim with people willing to service me! This is the life.

Oh yeah, yeah, rub harder, my harem girls…oh, my back is so sore…

You know…something else could be rub-

…wait…something's not right.

I know! I need to rub this in my family's faces!

…what? They're all dead, harem girl #62?

…hmm…I know! Sariel! I'll call her up! She'll FLIP when she-

What's that? You've never heard of Heaven?

But if there's no Heaven, then there is no God, no angels, no Sariel-

I…

I want COMMITMENT!

Oh my God, I don't just want sex anymore, I want what Bai and Shendu and Hsi have, I want true-

And all became white.

TCHANG ZU

At last, I'm finally getting the attention I deserve!

Ruler of Heaven, Hell and Earth! All of my siblings are long gone, which…is a bit disappointing…

But more importantly, I'm in charge! I make people line up to hear me laugh and whoever does laugh along with me gets roasted!

I trash trailer parks for a hobby! I finally command the thunder and lightning in their full majesty! Oh wait until Shin hears about-

Shin?

Where…where is Shin? And Richard?

What? They're gone too?

But…but Shin and I are-are…

And all became white.

SOON…

"I see now…"

Nick gasped as the demons all stood back up from where they had fallen. Shin and King hadn't been affected, and neither had Vassago. But the others were all looking dizzy.

"Guys, you're okay!" Nick said.

"So you showed them something else…helping them along a different path…and they have grown to like it." Lucifer realized. "You did some good after all…now they have different desires besides ruling…"

The demonic family all nodded and murmured their agreement. It was true, they had different things they thought about now.

Lucifer sighed. "I can't believe I am saying this but…"

AND SO, SOON…

Xan paced angrily around down in San Fran as many minions of Hell emerged from the blood red portals behind him. Where was that idiotic Lucifer?

"What is taking my greatest general so-"

Then came the call from behind him. "YO!"

He and the hordes all turned around and saw our ragtag cadre of do-gooders…with Richard right next to them all. "Thanks for the ride, Richard!" Nick said. "Guess what, Xan? Richard can turn into an ark! Pretty cool, huh? You know what else?" Nick asked, grinning. And from behind him came Lucifer, hands on his hips, looking quite proud of himself.

"I CHOOSE LOVE, BABY!" Lucifer shouted.

Xan blinked. The hordes went "ha-HUHH!?"

"What…the…F—K is going on?" Xan demanded.

"He's me, many years from now. This world's version of me, anyhoo." Nick said.

"And we are SEXY!" Lucifer said.

"We are sexy bitches, YEAH!" Nick said, and they knocked and locked their fists together.

"Two of them. Uncle's worst nightmare." Uncle complained.

"Oh, this is ri-gosh-darn-diculous! KILL THEM ALL!" Xan shouted.

However, a few measly platoons of demons and devils were NOT enough for a Lord Demon like Lucifer, who simply tossed them a look that quite literally stopped them in their tracks. "If you even THINK of coming closer, I will cave your skulls in with my sword and EAT what drips out." He said.

Yeah, that got them running away, since he really would do that.

"Oh you freaking cowards!" Xan complained. "FINE! I'LL ANNHILATE YOU MYSELF!" He roared, transforming into his full demon form.

"I'LL handle him." Shendu said, stepping forward. Xan raised his eyebrow, amused.

"Oh, you'd really kill your twin brother?"

"I don't have a twin brother." Shendu said coldly.

**"INTERESTING. I DON'T HAVE A MANIPULATIVE LITTLE SERVANT EITHER." **

Right before their very eyes, Xan was screamingly obliterated piece by piece, the remains turning into goop that sank and dissolved into the ground. The perpetrator behind him clapped his hands calmly, satisfied.

**"I DO SO DESPISE IT WHEN FAILURE OCCURS. OH, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. I AM THE GRAND LORD, THE LORD DEMON OF TRUE EVIL, THE SOUL OF THE DEVIL. MY ORIGINAL NAME WAS SAMAEL, BUT YOU MAY REFER TO ME AS…CLOAK."**

Eyes that shone out, showing no pupils or light, redder than blood. A face that could not be seen in the dark folds of the pure black hooded cloak he wore. Hands nearly as dark as the cloak that worn them, without any skin folds, wrinkles, hair, featureless and smooth. And worst of all, a miasma of utter evil that made you feel like maggots were crawling all over you, trying to suck at your skin as they did so. All was cold and cruel about this…this thing. Because that was what it was. A thing. Not even remotely human.

"You." Nick said. It was a word filled with utter disgust, like he was speaking of a plague, not a person. "I remember you from Lilo and Stitch's world…you tried to kill us in that haunted mansion!"

**"TRUE EVIL TAKES WHATEVER FORM IT PLEASES. AS THE SOUL OF THE DEVIL, I'M NOT LIMITED TO ONE WORLD…I CAN TRAVERSE IT FREELY, AND WITH MY VAST POWERS IT'S EASY AS CAKE TO MANIFEST MYSELF INTO A BODY, BE IT MY OWN OR ANOTHER'S…"**

"You KNOW this…this person?" Jade asked.

"This isn't a person. Don't treat it as one." Nick said.

"Yes." Lucifer agreed. "Now stand back, I shall destroy it!"

"Ah-hem. WE shall destroy it." Shendu said. "You are not the only ones with power!"

**"OH THIS IS REALLY, REALLY TOO GOOD. THAT'S IT, KEEP THAT HOPE LINGERING A FEW MORE SECONDS, BASK IN IT…AAAHH…"** Cloak took in a deep, creepy through-the-nose breath. **"AND NOW CRUSH IT."**

You wouldn't think it possible, but in an instant, he was suddenly the most enormous, frightening thing that they had ever faced. Towering above San Fran in the sky, his form was now covered with two once-beautiful wings while burnt armor hovered over his body a few inches off. The wings were the color of a black night lit up by a wildfire, and little pieces of ash drifted down all around like black snow. The sky had turned completely black, with purple lightning striking across it. And all throughout the world there was a shudder…there was just no hope…no hope.

Lucifer however, would not be deterred. "TAKE THIS!" He snarled. "_MY TRUE POWER_!" He thrust his sword forward at his old master and howled out "BEFORE THE FALL!" His body glowed and his muscles swelled as his energy focused through his sword. Swinging it, a huge slice of white energy rippling with gold sparkles was flung through the air like a gigantic scythe, aiming for Cloak…

**"…DISSAPOINTING."** He said, raising a single finger. A blue shot of energy whizzed right through it, shattering it and striking Lucifer right in the chest. He gasped…and vanished.

Gone.

**"YOU KNOW, THE TRUTH IS...I F--KING HATE THIS WORLD." **Cloak said, raising his hands and proclaiming his words for all things to hear, and hear they certainly did, it was impossible NOT to. **"THE VERY CORE OF ALL LIFE REVOLVES AROUND SIN. PEOPLE HURT EACH OTHER IN WRATH, LUST AND ENVY THEIR NEIGHBORS, ALLOW PRIDE, SLOTH AND GLUTTONY TO FATTEN THEM UP LIKE PIGS FOR SLAUGHTER, GIVE IN TO GREED AND HATRED, LIE AND BETRAY THOSE WHO CARE FOR THEM, AND MOST OF ALL, THE FEAR, OH THE FEAR!" **

Cloak laughed. **"FEAR OF EACH OTHER, FEAR OF PUNISHMENT, FEAR OF BETRAYAL, FEAR OF THOSE THAT ARE DIFFERENT OR UNUSUAL, FEARS OF THE UNKNOWN AND THE INEXPLICABLE. EVERY LIVING THING ON THIS EARTH IS STUPID, FOOLISH AND NOT WORHTY OF THIEIR LIVES. SO I'M GOING TO JUST WIPE EVERYTHING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND MAKE SURE THINGS ARE DONE THE RIGHT WAY NEXT TIME. I'D USE THE BOOK OF AGES TO FIX THINGS, BUT THERE'S REALLY NO FUN WITHOUT PAIN, AND I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO USE THE BOOK. SO IT'S TIME TO BEGIN THE BAPTISM OF FIRE BEFORE I BEGIN TO SOUND OVERLY DRAMATIC."** Cloak spread his arms and at a single swipe, lightning split across the sky, and blood red pieces fell down like sickening hail, to be replaced with pure black splotches that spread all over like a cancerous plague.

They all felt it. They couldn't beat him. The Lord Demon of Pride had been just as strong, stronger than any of them…and he'd been destroyed in an instant by something that was rending reality itself apart with a single stance.

"We're all gonna-gonna die, aren't we?" Paco asked El Toro, clutching onto him. Everyone suddenly clung tightly in a group, afraid. "I don't wanna diiiie!" Richard howled. Shin held him tightly to his chest as he kneeled down, crying into his golden locks. All of San Fran had turned out into the streets and were gasping in horror, too shocked, too filled with fear and despair to even run. It wouldn't do any good, they knew it.

Nick didn't say anything. He had too many conflicting feelings. He just wasn't sure what to do! He had to do SOMETHING, didn't he?

And then it happened. His watch…

**BGM: When the World Ends (Paul Oakenfold Remix) by the Dave Matthews Band**

"…I get it…" Nick said. "I think I get it. Richard?"

Richard blinked. "Wh-whuh?"

"Do you think…you could fit…all of San Fran on your ark form?"

"Yeah, but…why?"

Nick walked back into the antiques store and got out his backpack and his grandpa's walking stick. Putting the backpack on and walking out, he walked to the front, turning back to look at Richard. "Transform. And I'll try and rally the troops."

Richard understood and nodded. Nick was helped up by Shendu's talisman power and now hovered in the air. Thanking the dragon, he turned to address the crowd.

"Everyone…this is it. The end of the world. And there's only one thing we can do now…fight."

The overall reaction was looking down, dejected. Nick turned to the others.

"Guys…you can lead them…right?"

They all blinked. WHAT?

"But Nick, aren't you-?"

"No…you guys you…you deserve to end it. I'll repair the bell. Hohenheim, you can help them out, you're the alchemic master. Good luck."

And for once, nobody argued with him. They felt they could do it. Together. Shendu used the power of the Rooster and the Rabbit talisman and with Tso's master of gravity and El Toro and Paco summoning the Winged Serpent, they flew towards the Grand Lord Cloak to end it.

And as they flew off, Nick took a good look at Hsi Wu, who had Jade in his grasp, holding carefully onto her, as gently as Shendu held onto Sandi…

_Yeah…if only the rest of the world understood._ Nick thought as he moved the bell pieces up to a place he could watch them fight. He began concentrating on fixing the bell pieces, but his mind kept drifting back to those he cared for that now flew towards a possibly deadly fate. And why? They had their love to think about.

_When the world ends…collect your things, you're coming with me!  
When the world ends, you…tuckle up yourself with me!  
Watching as the stars disappear to nothing…  
The day the world is over, oh…we'll be lying in bed! _

I'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall!  
We will rise as the building's crumble, float there and watch it all!  
Amidst the burning, we'll be churning, you know, love will be our wings!  
The passion rises up from the ashes…when the world ends! 

_When the world ends!_

And as he sang, he didn't notice it, but that rainbow glow surrounded him again, slowly rising higher, farther, filling people with his own spirit. And they suddenly all felt as he did as it filled them: that for the love of the entire world, for the loves of their lives and love of each other…

_When the world ends…you're gonna come with me,  
We're going to be crazy, like a river bends…  
We're going to float through the crisscross of the mountains,  
Watch them fade to nothing…when the world ends,  
You know that's what's happening now,  
I'm going to be there with you somehow, oh-ohhh..._

_I'm going to tie you up like a baby in a carriage car!  
Your legs won't work cause you want me so,  
You just lie spread to the wall!  
The love you got is surely all the love…_

_that I would ever __need__!  
I'm going to take you by my side,  
And love you tall…'til the world ends!_

They had to fight. And soon Nick heard others singing along with him to the song that somehow united them all, and that light spread farther and farther, not merely coming from him anymore, but from all across the globe, converging at that one point above them all, though they couldn't see it…yet…

_Oh, but don't you worry about a thing…  
No, 'cause I got you here with me…  
Don't you worry about a…  
Just you and me…  
Floating through the empty, empty…  
Just you and me…  
Oh, graces…  
Oh, grace… _

Oh, when the world ends…  
We'll be burning one…  
When the world ends…  
We'll just be makin' love! 

Nick blinked as he heard others repeating the song. Richard had transformed, and now flew them up towards the light that shone over Cloak, who began squirming, uncomfortable with it's glow, and with the enormous amount of people that now sailed through the air towards him from all places of the earth, be they helped by angels, half-breeds of humans or demons, dragons or things in neither here nor there…all of Earth had united.

Then Nick smiled. Yeah…this was nice.

_We're gonna dive into the emptiness, and we'll be swimming!  
I'm going to walk you through the pathless roads!  
I'm going to take you to the top of the mountain that's no longer there…  
I'm going to take you to bed and love you, I swear…  
That the end is here!  
_

Cloak raised his arms. He flicked his fingers, and a burning wall of flame surrounded him. He grinned, thinking they couldn't pass it…but they all went through it. The light shone greater above him, every color that ever was bursting and pulsing as those all around contributed to it, making it bigger, brighter!

_I'm going to take you up to,  
I'm going to take you down on you…  
I'm going to hold you like an angel, angel!_

The bell! It was done! Nick stood on top of it and punched the air. He shouted the lines and heard the rallying cry as everyone dove and Cloak, eyes finally filled with fear, raised his hands as his body pulsed with its own energy, hoping to take everything out with him in a suicide move before that light could-

_I'm going to love you,  
I'm going to love you,  
When the world ends!  
I'm going to hold you,  
When the world is over,  
We will just begin!_

The light of a billion different colors rushed towards him as he releashed his explosive purple/black soul out from his body, hoping to swallow all in a cloud of darkness. There was a huge burst of light as Nick dove under the bell instinctively…

(Music ends.)

**…**

…

…

Time passed. A lot of time. A shockwave had rippled through everything, even the bell. He'd been knocked against the side and had passed out, but now as he crawled out…

_Oh my GOD…no-no-no…no, no…_

They…they were all gone. Dead.

There were dead bodies all around. Nobody was…nobody was moving. It was a horror almost beyond comprehension.

Nick collapsed on the ground and felt his fingers digging hard into the ground below. The grass, the earth, everything was scorched and burnt. The buildings had been blown into smithereens, the sky was dark and cloudy, not an ounce of blue poked out from it. The roads were cracked and shattered up, and all of the air reverberated from the leftover shockwave effect.

But Nick didn't care about that. Everyone was gone.

It wasn't fair…

"No, no, no, no…God, why? It's not fair, God, it's just not fair at all! How could you…how could-"

Then somebody coughed behind him. He looked up, the last tears slipping down his cheek quickly. He whipped his head around and stood up, gasping as a familiar form walked over to him and drew a book from his clothes…

Long Oah handed the Emerald Book of Secrets, the Book of Ages itself, to Nick.

"Here." He said simply, looking down at the ground. "Xan gave it to me. I suppose he felt I was the only person he could trust."

Nick blinked. He was trying to take all this in. One word came out.

"WHY?"

"…I…I wish to know…can you make it right?" He asked, and there was a plea hidden in those words. And with that, he walked back, descending into his portal, going back to Hell.

Nick looked down at the book of ages and the pen that came with it.

Could he make it right?

_Yes…yes, I…I can…I can!_

Can you, Nick?

Can you?

"I can." Nick said as tears of joy slipped down from his eyes and he opened up the book, knowing exactly where to go, writing furiously…

Yeah. He could.

And as he began to write, he could feel the sun beaming down like a gigantic grin as SOMEBODY said from above:

"_**It shall be said that the Peacemakers shall be called the sons of God. I say unto you, this is one such son, with whom I am well pleased."**_


	53. Lucky You

**CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO**

LUCKY YOU

A great ark made of gopher wood touched down. The twelve wings upon it flapped as it carefully lowered itself, with stripes of 12 different colors leading up to a large glowing golden crystal orb figurehead at the front, upon which an angelic face smiled out from...Richard being that face. The sails fluttered and then vanished as he reverted to normal upon everyone dismounting, and the first words said were...

"It's time." Nick said.

He had gathered everyone together at the hill. Reunion Hill, so close to the demon's old home. He had to say this, and everyone had to hear it.

"I'm leaving now." Nick said. "Part of me wants to stay, but...I think that you can't keep living in the past all the time, and I have responsibilities as a Game Master, responsibilities to other people. As much as I would really, really like to just stay here and watch South Park and hang out with you guys WITHOUT being stuck on the toilet from pigging out on burgers and sodas, as much as I would like to see you guys all go and live happy lives, as much as I want to stay here in this world and continue sightseeing...I have a duty. I have to go..."

He had no idea how he had spoken those words, but though they were strange coming from him, they were still his own. Just...a little more, perhaps. A little more than just his own words.

"AND ONCE MORE, YOU SHALL BE FORGOTTEN." The Voice said.

Nick nodded with a hint of glumness passing over his face. Everyone seemed very saddened by this, especially-

"Nooooo!" Richard sobbed, hugging tightly onto Nick's leg. Nick looked over as Shin also went over and tugged on his arm.

"No, please, don't…" Shin said. "I…I…"

"I kinda guessed, Shin." Nick told his gay friend nervously. "But…I can't let you."

"Wh-why not?" Shin wanted to know. Nick nodded at Tchang, who grinned sheepishly.

"Because there's somebody who loves you just as much as you love him, as much as Hsi and Drago love Jade, as much as I loved Molly and Hannah and how I love Lilo, and as much as Shendu loves Sandi."

Shin blinked slowly. Then he smiled and nodded. "Alright." He said.

Nick held up the Book. "It's time, everyone." He said once more. "But before we all go, I wanna get a picture!"

Jade handed him his camera from his backpack and he got everyone to scrunch together.

"Say "cheese", guys!" He shouted.

"CHEESE!"

CLICK!

And then, a few minutes later, the furious sound of scribbling pen on paper echoed through the air, followed by a flash of light…

…

…

…

"Hey, hurry up, Jade!" A young Regent, aka Drago Valmont, shouted as he and Hsi Wu stood by the bus stop. "Come on, we need to get to school! We take the big test TODAY! And I don't think I studied enough…"

"Don't worry." Hsi Wu said. "I'll help you out. WE'LL help." He said as Jade ran up to them and got on the bus as it finally pulled up.

"Yeah, and don't worry!" Jade said as the bus pulled away from the bus stop. "We're only teenagers now. We've got all the time in the world."

…

…

…

"I am SO happy to hear that!" Shendu said on the cell phone in his office. He reached for his cell phone. "Sandi, Sandi! I'm a full partner now in Valmont's business! Yes, he and his wife have both just called…we celebrate BIG tonight! Yes, yes, no biting, of course. You go and ace that test, alright?" Shendu turned the cell phone off and spun around in his office at the Valmont Mansion. Finally, a full partner! He couldn't wait for his and Sandi's future to come.

…

…

…

"Okay, how do we do this again?"

Tohru carefully held Po Kong by her waist. "Remember, Dance Dance Revolution is easy to play, but hard to master. Just try and have fun, okay?"

Po Kong brushed her black hair back and her belly jiggled as she giggled. "You got it!"

The Enforcers passing by the arcade, on their way to the bar with Strikemaster Ice, DJ Fist and MC Cobra noticed them. "Hey!" Chow said, sticking out his pinkie. "Is that girl-?" He asked Tohru.

"Hai." Tohru said.

Chow grinned. "You lucky dog! Say, after you're finished with that, how about a round on Hak Foo?"

"Oh no you don't!" Hak Foo said, raising Chow up with one arm. "YOU pay…"

…

…

…

Bai Tsa and Nurse Sky Dog lounged around the beach. "Boy, it's so nice to get away once in awhile." Bai said as she twirled her blue hair.

"Bai, some people are saying I shouldn't be seeing you, since you technically are my partner in-"

She kissed him full on the lips.

"I don't care either." He admitted, and the two resumed a kiss fist until a blast from a horn alerted them. They turned their heads and saw Xiao passing by on his new yacht. He and Sariel, both in lingerie, waved.

"How are ya doing, sis?" He asked. "My new BRIDE and I are going out on a trip to Hawaii! Wanna come?"

…

…

…

Raphael helped Richard up onto his back as the two walked into the "Child's Fiction" area of Heaven's Library. Michael, Azrael and Gabriel waved them over to their table and they sat down. Shin spoke up as he entered the room, smiling happily as he sat down with the others.

"Okay, remember, we all analyze a book. Michael, what's yours?"

"The Anarchist Cookbook."

"Azrael?"

"Surprised by Joy."

"Gabriel?"

"It's Perfectly Normal."

"Uriel?"

"…I…er…picked out "The Big Book of Peace"…I can't stop reading it!"

"Great! Richard, you have "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", right? You start us off! Remember, Tchang's cooking us BBQ out back, so be sure to work up an appetite!"

"The wedding was spectacular, you know?"

"Thanks, Uriel…"

…

…

…

"AND IT'S ANOTHER FABULOUS WIN FOR EL TORO FUERTE AND PACO, THE BULLS OF FURY!"

El Toro and Paco waved goodbye as they left the stadium, heading out the door. "Another spectacular win, El Toro! We are the greatest!"

"Indeed, but remember, make sure half the proceeds…"

"Already deposited at the church, El Toro! Now where is our next match?"

"In Mexico, Paco! We now go straight to Mexico City itself, my fine protégé!"

Quetzalcoatl unfolded himself in front of them as they left the front entrance of the stadium. "To Mexico City, my fine friends?" He asked, as people stood, stared and gaped in awe. The two wrestlers soon took off into the sky, laughing happily as Quetzalcoatl's feathers shone in the glint of the moon…

…

…

…

"This is AMAZING!" Viper said as Anubis led her down the tunnelway into the tomb below. The very walls were speckled with golden hieroglyphs, and there was a shining light coming from down below. As Anubis led her down, she gasped…there they were! The entire collection!

She jumped on the treasure pile and swam around in it. "Ah, treasure! Nothing quite like it, nothing beats it…except for more treasure!..."

The next day's headline's read: "NEW TOMB DISCOVERED IN THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS: AGENT "VIPER" BRINGS HOME THE GOLD TO EGYPT". Below, the article went on about how she was generously compensated and on how she would soon be having tea with the President of Egypt.

Viper folded the newspaper and waved goodbye to Anubis, who vanished into the ground in his purple, swirling dust. She had her driver take her and her limo back to her mansion and began dialing on her phone. "Hey Jackie, I wanna get together with you to celebrate my success…oh you're free tonight? PERFECT…"

…

…

…

Dai Gui jumped up and down happily as he rolled around in the flowery fields around him.

"DANDELION! The genus Taraxacum! The family Asteraceae! "Aster" from the word "astron", Greek, meaning "star"!" He said, reciting happily. "I remembered! I remembered again!" He said.

Tso hovered over, sipping some red wine in a fine crystal wine glass. "A complete success!" He said. "You'll get your nature knowledge back yet, my brother!" He said. "Now come on, we must head back home!" He turned back towards their large country house and they made their return trip towards it. "Remember what we work on tonight?"

"Right, right, tonight we get to work on herbs! And tomorrow I'm doing some digging to make a place to grow corn! Corn, also known as Maize, Hsi told us he used to eat it constantly out on the range, it comes from the Spanish…"

…

…

…

"Yo, yo, this is off the HOOK!" Drew laughed as his father let him drive his new Acura around in the parking lot. "Dad, the speakers, the cup holders, the rims, the seats, I love everything about this! This is the best present you've ever gotten me!"

"Your mother has a better surprise." Drew's father said as they got out of the car. His mother nodded and held Drew's hand.

"Drew…we're paying for the operation. You won't need glasses anymore."

Drew beamed. "I…I'm gonna…?"

He hugged his mother and father. "Man, I don't know what I'd do without you…whatever did I do to deserve such a great Ma and Pop?"

Then his pager rang. He picked it up. Oh, Section 13 was calling. The message read "Kepler has completed materializer. Report to me.-Black."

"I gotta get going, the boss is calling me..."

…

…

…

"Business is booming!" Uncle thought happily as he waved goodbye to another customer. "You were right, Jackiiiie! Internet is not evil after all! Is useful advertising toooool!" He called out.

"I think it's the TV spot that tipped the scales in our favor." Jackie admitted as he walked into the main room. "I'm meeting Viper for dinner in a few hours, how does this tuxedo look? I, uh…don't want to look too…you know…too showy."

"Let me teach you a secret. You need to have proper cologne! Uncle shall get you his special baaaatch!"

King smiled as he walked away from the shop, uncovering his hood and brushing his hair back. He no longer had to hide anymore. He held up a tiny golden bell that had once been larger than life, and rang it. The crystal-clear note that resounded through the air was as loud as any angelic horn, and more elegant than any note any choir could ever produce.

"So this is what they mean by...heh...bringing my work with me..."

…

…

…

"PARTY!" Xan said as he and his father led the Lord Demons in a conga line. "Da-da-da-da-da, DA! Da-da-da-da-da, DA!"

Lucifer and Belphegor and Barbatos were all sipping drinks together in the lounge, watching the party. "Xan sure seems happy. I'm glad Grand Lord Snizzi has been tidying up the place."

"So how high is the reincarnation rate again?"

"At a great 42!"

"Not bad at all! And the luau for those in Limbo is tomorrow?"

"Right! But be sure to write it down, we'll probably forget it when tomorrow rolls around, ha-ha-ha!"

"Ha-ha! So, Xan and his dad are going to visit Blossom when again?"

"Raphael said he'd take her down to Central Park in a few hours. He'd better get all the partying in now while he can!"

"So Belphy boy, how's your son doing? You and your partner check up on him all the time, right?"

"We do, _hai, hai_. I am most proud of him!"

"Hey, how do you think I look?" Belial said, showing off his new, stylish form. "I'm trying something new…I'm tired of sitting on my butt, I'm going off to the fire hell to conquer it!"

"But the fire hell was sealed off 2000 years ago!"

"Then I'll be back yesterday! Time has no meaning, remember? And there is plenty of time in this world!" Belial laughed, as he heaved his fiery sword over his shoulder and left the lounge as the threesome shrugged, then went to join the conga line, which was made bigger when Vassago and Hohenheim cheerily jumped in.

…

…

…

"How do I look?" Molly asked Mark at his house in Simsbury. "The dance is in an hour, I'm nervous…"

"You look wonderful." Mark said, nodding. "Remember, Mr. and Mrs. Kahn were happy to rent us a dress and a tux when we let them advertise in the yearbook. We both look styling."

Molly blushed slightly. She WAS styling.

"Now come on!" Mark said, smiling broadly. "I'll drive you, I just got my license…"

…

…

…

"And in recent news, Nicholas Michael Grey, known as the youngest senator to Congress, has announced his decision to run for president. His brother, David Adio Grey, also his running mate, had this to say: "We are dedicated to making the world a more equal, safer place. There is nothing that all of us cannot do when we work together, and we intend to prove this to everyone." The two have gained great popularity in both the political, religous and musical spectrum, as David Adio Grey is one of the most critically-acclaimed guitarists of the United States and their step-mother Barbara Grey being the head of the internationally-known Christian Medical Fellowship, which donated 5 billion dollars last week to the Red Campaign, much to the delight of Sonny Bono, who had this to say…"

…

…

…

Nick slowly walked away from the Book of Ages, setting it back down on the desk it belonged on. He walked out the door and out of the shining hall…

And found himself soon walking back down the trail, heading right back to his street that would lead him home. He twirled his walking stick happily as his mood necklace bounced up and down on his chest, as his backpack did on his back. His hair whipped back slightly in the breeze as the sun rose higher and higher.

He had to get home! Soon Mom and Dave would be waking up…

And he had a few things to say to Dave. Things that couldn't wait anymore.

And as he walked down the trail, he thought back to all that he'd done, all that had happened.

"Wow…I have the weirdest friends…" He thought out loud. But then he grinned broadly. "Good! Weird is the new normal!"

Weird was good…yeah, good.

And as he found himself crossing onto his street as the sun continued to shine and rise a little bit higher with each minute, he found himself singing "I get by with a little help…from my friends…yes, gonna try with a little help from my friends…"

Yeah…he can do it.

He could have done it.

And guess what?

_I did. _

**CREDITS!**

(The group shot photograph is shown, and one by one it focuses in on each person as the music plays.)

**BGM: Anytime You Need A Friend, by the Beu Sisters**

_La-La-La,  
La, Laaaa!  
__La-La-La,  
La, La-La! _

When you're sad,  
When you're feeling low…  
When you're hurt,  
And don't know where to go…  
Think of me…there I'll be…  
Anytime you need a friend!

When you're down,  
And your luck runs out…  
Or if you're…in trouble or in doubt!  
It's OK…turn my way!  
Anytime you need a friend! 

_When you're scared…  
I will stay with you!  
When you feel your fallin'  
I'll there for you!  
When your heart breaks…_

_I'll ease your aches!  
Whatever it takes I'm in!  
Anytime you need a friend!_

_  
La-La-La,  
La, Laaaa!  
__La-La-La,  
La, La-La! _

All our lives,  
Anywhere we are!  
Just reach out…. 

_I'll never be too far!  
Come what may, there I'll say…_

_Anytime you need a friend!_

_When you're scared…  
I will stay with you!  
When you feel your fallin'  
I'll there for you!  
When your heart breaks…_

_I'll ease your aches!  
Whatever it takes I'm in!  
Anytime you need a friend!_

_Come what may…  
There I'll stay!_

_Now until the very eeeeennd…  
Anytiiiiime…_

_Anytime you need a friend! _

_La-La-La,  
La, Laaaa!  
__La-La-La,  
La, La-La!_

_La-La-La,  
La, Laaaa!  
__La-La-La,  
La, La-La!_

_Anytime you need…a friiiiieeeeeeend!_

**FINAL AUTHOR'S WORDS:**

This kind of work is hard, yet satisfying.

I love mythology, the mystical things of the world, Jackie Chan Adventures, and of course, religion. But it's hard for me to write some things…

For starters, I should answer some questions: how can Nick have such an effect on those demons he met? Is it friendship at its best and most powerful form, or something more?

Well, yes its friendship. But it is also something else, something I will explain in a later work that will make many things clear about not only the nature of a Game Master, but of the multiverse that so many stories take place in.

Why make his JCA version EVIL? Well, it's symbolic for starters, how even the nicest, most eccentrically friendly person can end up being evil due to the right circumstances. Also it provided a commentary on Religion: misinterpretation of Religious doctrine, in this case, Christian doctrine, created the Antichrist. So we create our own worst enemies, and more often than we'd like, our worst enemies are ourselves. Deep.

Also, it was a way to blow your frickin' **MINDS**, man!

Where do I find those Lord Demons, those princes and dukes and such? Why, most of them are easy enough to find on Wikipedia, and their appearances were helped along by a combination of sources I would like to thank now: Digimon, Fullmetal Alchemist, deviantart, the Ars Goetia, The Book of Angels and my own imagination.

And no, I am not telling you who the Voice is. But I will. In time.

One big question that you might ask is: Okay, I understand the magic and the mythology, but why is there so much focus on religion and faith?

Because it's important. But I must ask my own question or two: What do we define as religion? What is the difference between superstition and faith, the difference between a cult and a genuine religion?

Are all religions completely right, not needing to be fixed or changed at all? Is this truly the best of all possible worlds?

Hmm. Those are tough questions. But there are answers.

Superstition usually is based around one thing: luck, and usually keeping bad luck, bad things away. Faith is about expecting not bad things, but GOOD things to happen to you, despite the evidence. A cult is LIKE religion, but remember: there is an air of danger, mystery in most of them, and even those that don't, well…if you have to PAY to be in it, then it needs to be changed or you need to leave it!

Yes, Scientologists, I am pointing the finger at you. Among others.

And what about real religions? Well, obviously they're not completely right all the time. Look at Christianity. The Bible itself tells slaves to be obedient to their masters, wives to be totally subordinate to their husbands…that's not exactly fair. And it's not the only holy text that says things that aren't clear or sound just wrong.

Here's an idea: when it says "A man shall not lie with another man as with a woman", ever think that maybe that's God's way of saying "I don't want any three-ways" and not a condemnation of homosexuality? And this world is…well, it's messed up. A lot. And how do we fix it? We don't know the answers for sure, because there are so many things people don't agree on.

And yet…on some things we all agree.

You can love anyone at any time and want to have them for a wife or for your husband, but nobody really thought throughout history you can have EVERYONE be your wife or husband, that you should have as many as you like!

Nobody's ever really celebrated cowards. Think about it!

And of course, murder. Oh God, Murder. We all know deep down that there is a big difference between killing in battle and killing someone in an alley…the difference is as big as Heaven and Hell.

So perhaps we should all start looking for other things we have in common, be we Buddhist or Baptist, Scientologist or Shintoist, and so on and so on! Maybe we'd find we have more things in common than we thought. Start with the basics, work our way up, who knows? Maybe we'll make peace on earth.

It can happen.

But can you do it?

Well?

Can you?

_I dedicate this work to my grandfather, who I love dearly, who still lives on in spirit through me and those he cared for. I also dedicate it to my wonderful, wonderful step-mother Barbara, who was a real spiritual inspiration and probably the bravest and kindest and greatest step-mom I could have ever wished for. And also for my brother, who no matter what, is still family, and who I hope one day will be my friend. _

_A shout out also to my reviewers, and of course to the real Jackie Chan, who is the man, and if he cannot do it nobody can. Finally to those I have met who are within this fanfic, I wish you the best of luck. To all of you. _

_What happens next is a Grand Tour. So relax and enjoy the ride! And of course, anything can happen if you will let it._

_So will you?_


End file.
